If You're Ever in Texas Quotations

Full Throttle is a 1995 computer developed and published by . The player assumes the role of a leader Ben who is framed for murder of Malcolm Corley, the CEO of the last domestic motorcycle company, while the real killer, the vice-president of Corley Motors Adrian Ripburger, plans to inherit the company and move on to more profitable production like minivans. Thus, Ben sets off on a road adventure to prove his innocence, to find the real heir to the company (Malcolm's illegitimate daughter Maureen), and to save all bikers' future. The game contains a lot of voiced dialogue, as well as limited action and non-linearity. A sequel (Full Throttle: Hell on Wheels) was both announced and canceled in 2003.

Directed and written by Tim Schafer.

Ben

[opening narration] Whenever I smell asphalt, I think of Maureen. That's the last sensation I had before I blacked out; that thick smell of asphalt. And the first thing I saw when I woke up was her face. She said she'd fix my bike. Free. No strings attached. I should've known then that things are never that simple. Yeah, when I think of Maureen, I think of two things: asphalt... and trouble.

[reading a sign from dumpster] "Warning! Do not play in or around dumpster. Do not kick dumpster. Do not sleep in dumpster. Usage of this container for the disposal of human remains, may be in violation of local health ordinances."

[looking at the boxes] Empty boxes. They really should be flattend, so they can be recycled.

[looking for his keys] Some joker took my keys. I don't like that.

[looking at his bike] Good thing Ripburger didn't touch my bike. Good thing for him.

[knocking on the door of the Kickstand] Open up!

[using different interface actions on a piano]
- ["boot"]: [kicks the piano]: Play!

When I'm on the road, I'm indestructible. No one can stop me... but they try.

[using different interface actions on Todd Newlan after knocking him down]

["eyes"]: This view defines true beauty.

["hand"]: I think he's had enough.

["lips"]: I'm not puttin' my lips on that.

["boot"]: I think he's had enough.

[trying to open Todd Newlan's trailer door]: Knock knock.. Open up Todd!

[looking at Todd's basement window from outside]: Either someone's doing some welding down there, or we're talking about some very sub-code wiring.

[various comments on Todd Newlan's "art"]
- I don't collect art. And I also don't collect whatever that is.
- That would make a great mailbox post... IN HELL!
- I don't want to start a fight with that thing.
- I sure hope he is not trying to bring these to life or anything.
- Kick the little thin doggy? Maybe later...
- I nominate that as "Least offensive of the show".
- I had a dog with a funnel on its head when I was a kid.
- That would make a good mailbox post. In HELL!
[various comments at the Mink Ranch]
- [looking at the pelt] Looks like a mink pelt.
- [looking at the pictures] Lots of bikes.
- [looking at the banner] That's the insignia of the Vultues! I can't believe Mo used to be a Vulture, but then again... How else could she have gotten that recoil booster?

[various comments of the hovercraft]
- ["boot"]: [kicks the hovercraft]: Heh heh.

There's the Vultures' hideout, on the other side of this field. I heard a lot about the Vultures. [throws a rock on the field, triggering an explosion when it hits the ground] And I guess it's all true.

[trying to open the Mink Ranch door] Open up, you minks!

[the player fails a task and Ben dies] Ouch. Let me try that again.

No momentos. I'll have scars enough to remind me of this trip.

Corley Motors. I've been meaning to come here for years. This is really a religious pilgrimage for me. A religious pilgrimage with a lot of butt-kicking.

[upon attempting to use/pick up a huge turning Corley Motors sign on the factory]: Isn't that a little big for a souvenir?

[Looking at Emmet] He doesn't look happy.

She took my booster fuel. Why is she running from me? She must think the whole world's against her. I Think I know how that feels.

[to himself towards Emmet] That does it! He's dead!

[to himself] That sign... That means I'm in Cavefish territory.
There's some sorta card. And a tape. I sure hope that's Corley's will.

Horace

Souvenirs, here!
We got yer hats!
We got your pennants!
We got it all right here!
Offical Corley Motors merchandise!
Our bunnies come with batteries included!
Loveable loveable little bunnies!
Buy your kids bunnies so they'll shut up on the long ride home!

Rottwheelers

Hey! It's my old friend what's your name! Glad to see you up all rehabilitated. My knuckles were starting to itch.
Don't give up now!
I see you come for a lesson in pain. Pay close attention, this will hurt.
Back again? Good. OK, lesson's over! Time for the final exam!
My bike!
Is that all the pain you can dish out.
Now I'm mad!
This time you're gonna stay down!
Freaky punk!

Ripburger

Oh, now I'm just embarrassed for them. Who do they think thery're fooling with those ludicrous disguises?
Alright boys, sick 'em.
...was not only an inspirational leader, but also a great personal friend. His loss affects us all deeply. Malcolm and I spoke often of the future. We talked of the day when Corley Motors would move beyond its humble beginnings and into a new vehicular age. And, although his tragic death took him from us sooner than anyone expected. Malcolm Corley's dream remains. And I shall carry out that dream in his memory. ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present to you the future of Corley Motors... the Corley MINIVAN!

Vultures

[toward Ben while fighting] Aggressive little wart, ain't ya?

[toward Ben while fighting] Shouldn't hit a man wearing glasses!

[toward Ben] Back off man!

[toward Ben] Loser!

Cavefish

This cargo reeks. We have been tricked my brothers. Back to the cave.

Oh angry spirit of Ricky Myran, we honour your rage, but for now, the ramp must go back.

Others

Father Torque [eulogy for Malcolm Corley]: Life... was a game to him... And he played it... by his own rules. He was a mystery to most of us... and yet, an inspiration to us all. He gave us FREEDOM. He gave us POWER. He gave us WINGS. He gave us WHEELS. Thank you, Malcolm Corley... for giving us a DREAM that will never die...
News announcer: Once again, our top story tonight: Malcolm Corley, owner of Corley Motors, was found DEAD at a rest stop just outside the town of Melonweed! Apparently, the benevolent patriarch and CEO was VICIOUSLY BEATEN ABOUT THE HEAD AND NECK! SAVAGELY, AND WITHOUT MERCY! Police have arrested a notorious outlaw biker gang known as "The Polecats". With the exception of their leader, who is still at large. Roadblocks have been set up along Highway 9 in an effort to apprehend this DANGEROUS AND VIOLENT CRIMINAL!
Derby announcer: All right folks! Hang on to your chili dogs, 'cuz its time to start The Corley Motors Smash-A-Torium Amateur Driver Ultimate Destruction Maximum Carnage Marathon! Let's meet our crash-cage gladiators! That mysterious-looking hooded figure wouldn't give us his real name... He prefers to be known as "The Unknown Avenger" and that's just fine with us, isn't it folks. And next to him is another newcomer! Please give a big Smash-A-Torium salute to Princess of Pileup, Doreen Schmorley! ...and finally, we have a last minute addition to the lineup tonight. A deadly looking team known as the "The Boom Boom Brothers". Alright now, are you ready to see some WREAKLESS DRIVING? Are you raedy to see some UNNECCESSARILY VIOLENT DESTRUCTION?
Derby announcer: Now, that was quite an explosion, folks! I can't see any survivors yet!.. Wait! What's that? It's the Unknown Avenger! AND HE'S ON FIRE!!! [the crowd goes wild] Let's give him a hand, folks, that looks painful! We really should put him out right way, but what a show, huh?
Derby announcer: Well, folks, it looks like the party is getting a little out of hand. The stadium seems to be catching fire. Let's all remain calm and... huh... ah, you're right! The Derby is over! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

Dialogue

Malcolm Corley: Ripburger! You're dumber than dirt!

Adrian Ripburger: Mr. Corley, if you'd only listen to my plan, my VISION...

Malcolm Corley: I know your plan, Ripburger. You're waiting for me to die so you can take over my company!

Adrian Ripburger [chuckles]: Sir, that's horrible. I'm not waiting for you to die...

Malcolm Corley: Ya know, I never liked you, Rip. But you have business know-how and killer instincts that I respect.

Adrian Ripburger: Why, thank you sir.

Malcolm Corley: But this LATEST idea of yours: ridin' up to our shareholders' meeting with a gang of BIKERS?! Who do ya think you're foolin'?

Adrian Ripburger: Why, the shareholders, sir. It's good PR to been seen hobnobbing with real Corley Motors customers.

Malcolm Corley: What do you know about our customers, Adrian? You've never even been on a bike!

Adrian Ripburger: You know I'd be on one right now, sir, if it weren't for my destabilizing inner-ear condition.

Malcolm Corley: Ah, your ears are fine. It's what's between 'em that scares me! [Ben rides his bike over the hovercraft] Now there goes some boys I can ride with! Step on it. Lets find out who they are.

Darrel: Hey Ben!

Ben: Huh?

Darrel: You know, Ben, we're broke.

Ben: Yeah?

Darrel: And if some cash doesn't come our way soon, we're in big trouble.

Ben: Relax. I have a feeling something's coming our way. Something big.

[time passes]

Malcolm Corley: You'd better stay out here Rip. This place is for bikers only. Heh heh heh. [Malcolm enters the bar] All right! Who's the guy that drove over my car?!

[time passes]

Adrian Ripburger: What could possibly he be taking so long?

Bolus: Maybe old man Corley got himself in trouble.

Nester: Yeah, maybe they took the old guy out back and worked him over with a two-by-four.

Adrian Ripburger: An appealing notion, but improbable. More likely he's boring them to death with some tale of the glory days.

Everybody: Ha ha ha ha!

Ben: But Malcolm, isn't that illegal?

Malcolm Corley: Not back then is wasn't.

Everybody: Ha ha ha ha!

Ben: So, who do ride with these days?

Adrian Ripburger: [towards Ben after walking in the bar] He rides with me. Although, I'm sure he'd much rather be riding with your little club.

Malcolm: [towards Ripburger] I told you to wait out in the limo Ripburger!

Adrian Ripburger: I thought you might like some help with you sales pitch, sir.

Ben: Sales pitch?!

Adrian Ripburger: Yes, we have come here today to offer you and your men employment. Mr. Corley requires and escort to the annual Corley Motors shareholders' meeting.

Ben: [towards Corley] Does this look like an escort service to you?

Adrian Ripburger: You would be well compensated for your time, of course.

Ben: Not interested.

Adrian Ripburger: It's fairly obvious that you could use the money...

Ben: Listen, I said we're not for rent. The Polecats are not goons for hire.

Adrian Ripburger: Not even if it were Malcolm Corley's dying wish?

Malcolm Corley: RIPBURGER! That does it! I'm gonna...

Ben: Hold on there, Malcolm. If you don't mind, I'd like to step outside with Mr. Ripburger for a little chat.

Adrian Ripburger: Excellent idea.

[Time passes]

Adrian Ripburger: And the doctor says he only has a few months to live.

Ben: That's bad news for all of us. He's not just a nice guy. He's also the last motorcycle maker in the country. What happens to Corley Motors if he dies?

Adrian Ripburger: Don't worry, I have a plan. And if you come to the shareholders' meeting with us, you'll find out what it is.

Ben: No dice, Ripburger. The Polecats are not thugs for rent. If you want to buy muscle, you should go find the Rottwheelers.

Adrian Ripburger: The old man says it's the Polecats or nothing.

Ben: Then I guess it'll have to be nothing.

Adrian Ripburger: And that's your last word?

Ben: That's it.

Adrian Ripburger: Well, I'd like to make you just one final offer... [Bolus knocks out Ben] [pause] Bolus, take this coat and go get his motorcycle. We'll have to tie up this little two hundred pound loose end. It will need to look like an accident.

[Back in the bar]

Malcolm Corley: That stuffed shirt actually thinks I'll leave HIM in control of Corley Motors when I go. Boy, is he in for a surprise.

Darrel: Hey, Where's Ben going?

Adrian Ripburger: Your colleague has decided to accept our generous offer after all. As a matter of fact, he's gone on ahead to scout out the route.

Darrel: He did?

Malcolm Corley: Well then... let's roll em' boys!

[Ben finds the bar door locked before him and kicks it to the ground]

Ben [to Quohog the bartender]: I, uh, fixed your door. It was sticking.

Quohog: Look, I don't want no trouble. Just leave me out of this mess.

[various comments on the frames hanging on the back wall of the bar]

Ben: What's this?

Quohog: It's a big blobby gray shape. I was takin' an art class.

Ben: This your pitbull?

Quohog: No, that's my baby picture.

Ben: Woah!

Quohog: Watch it, that's my sister!

Ben: Fifteen guys with towels in their belts?

Quohog: My graduating class from bartender school.

Ben: Are you the guy with the lampshade on his head? Or the guy chuggin' out of the punch bowl?

Quohog: Lampshade.

Ben: Good thing that's a badger.

Quohog: Why?

Ben: 'Cause if that were a dead Polecat, I'd have to trash the place.

Ben: I never liked noserings.

Quohog: Me neither, but someone dared me.

Ben: Looks like you're out of customers.

Quohog: Yeah your gang took off with those... those well-dressed gentlemen. So what'll it be Mac?

Ben: Where'd everybody head off to?

Quohog: What am I the cruise director? Maybe they're off on the lido deck.

Ben: I think you're in on this whole bum deal.

Quohog: Yeah, well whaddaya gonna do about it.

Quohog: What do you have?

Ben: I wanna know the guy who knocked me out.

Quohog: Maybe you just passed out. You should learn to handle your liquor.

Quohog: You want something?

Ben: Something smooth.

Quohog: The only thing smooth in here is my head. And you ain't touchin' it.

Quohog: You want something?

Ben: What do you got for a headache?

Quohog: A little sympathy.

Ben: Thanks.

Quohog: But not much.

Quohog: You want something?

Ben: I'm lookin' for my keys.

Quohog: I got no idea what you're talkin' about.

Quohog: Are you gonna order something?

Ben: No.

Ben: [looking at the cash register]: Hmmm

Quohog: It's empty, don't get any ideas.

Ben: You know what might look better on your nose?

Quohog: What?

Ben [grabs Quohog's nose ring and slams it downward]: The bar! Now don't mess around with me!

Quohog: All right! All right! I've got your keys but I don't know nothin'! They had guns! They told me to stall you as long as possible.

Ben: Why?

Quohog: I don't know! I don't know! I overheard them say something about an ambush up the road.

Ben: What else?

Quohog: Nothing! Nothing! [pause] Look man, here are your keys, alright. [pause] Oh ah, someone did say something about killing you and making it look like an accident.

Ben: They didn't do too good of a job there. But why ambush the Polecats? I'd better get moving.

Rottwheeler: Ain't you the A-Number One Polecat Honcho?

Ben: Yeah, and you're in my way.

Rottwheeler: Well get use to it bud. When the Rottwheelers hit the road, we own it.

Ben: Look I'm serious, someones ambushing the Polecats.

Rottwheeler: Someones ambushing the Polecats! Oh heavens, what ever will we do!

Ben: That does it!

Rottwheeler: Come on kitty! Lets get down!

Ben: What are you?

Maureen: I'm a mechanic. And apparently, a pretty good doctor as well. My name's Maureen.

Ben: My name's Ben. Why did you hit me over the head, Maureen?

Maureen: You were in an accident. A reporter found ya and brought you and your bike here.

Ben: My bike! What have you done to my bike?

Maureen: Brought it back from the dead? Sorta what I did with you. I need a little help getting it finished, though.

Ben: How's it look?

Maureen: Looks better then it did, but you gotta help me out. The front forks were wasted, so you'll have to get some new ones. And someone stole my welding torch, can you believe that? I can't finish without one. And last but not least, I patched up your ruptured gas tank, but your're out of fuel and I don't have any.

Ben: Where am I supposed to find all this stuff?

Maureen: You can handle it, tough guy.

Ben: Where am I gonna find new forks?

Maureen: Well, they don't have to be NEW new. Just not broken into little pieces.

Ben: Do you have a last name?

Maureen: I prefer not to use it. What about you?

Ben:Same deal.

Maureen: Then I guess it's Ben and Mo forever, I guess.

Ben: This an authorized Corley Motor service center?

Maureen: You can call this a Corley service center. But I don't have the official paperwork.

Ben: Ah, an illegitimate Corley operation.

Maureen: I prefer to think of it as a RENEGADE Corley operation.

Ben: Where'd you learn bikes?

Maureen: I grew up working on 'em with my dad. One summer we did nothing but restore this old hardtail together. I mean, we scrubbed every bolt until it shined. But he took off one day and never came back. So I switched to toasters.

Ben: You live in this town?

Maureen: Well, Melonweed's not much of a town. What's left of it is sinking about a foot a year. People either learn to adjust, or they leave, which is fine with me.

Ben: Not a people-person?

Maureen: I'm just better with toasters, that's all. Look, if you want me to finish this thing...

Ben: Say no more.

Miranda: Oh good you're not dead yet. I'd might still get a quote.

Ben: I heard you saved my life.

Miranda: Yeah, but don't worry. I wasn't trying to. I was just looking for some nice roadside disasters photos, and you helped.

Ben: Who'd want a picture of me bleeding?

Miranda: It's not the blood, it's the way you were all twisted up like a pretzel.

Ben: Listen, I've got to stop an ambush.

Miranda: Ambush? Really! Where?

Ben: Somewhere between here and Corville. My crew is escorting some VIPs to the Corley Motors shareholders meeting. And there is an ambush waiting for them somewhere up the road. [pause] Uh, I, I...

Miranda: Yeah?

Ben: This is hard for me I, I, need...

Miranda: Come on man, spit it out!

Ben: Could you give me a ride in your car? I've got to stop this ambush.

Miranda: You're right! We have to get to the ambush alright! But I'm afraid I'm without wheels at this moment.

Ben: How did you get us here?

Miranda: Hitched.

Ben: Well I'd better take off.

Miranda: All right, drive safe now. [rushes to hidden car and drives off quickly]

Ben: [Watches Miranda drive away] Thanks for the lift. Now I've got a quote for you.

Todd Newlan: I'm tryin' ta do my art in here, buddy! I don't got time to waste on bums like you!

Ben: I'm a friend of Mo. I need ...

Todd Newlan: Listen I didn't take no weldin' torch. You hear me? I'm no crook. So get off my back already!

Todd Newlan: Whaddya want!?

Ben: This is important!

Todd Newlan: Not ta me, ya freaky-lookin' hood! Now beat it! I got a guy comin' to look at my art, so blow!

Ben: Let me in!

Todd Newlan: Ha ha ha ha! Good one, punk! Now beat it!

Ben: I'm about to roll this thin can!

Todd Newlan: That's it! I'm callin' the cops!

Ben: Good, I've been meaning to report a stolen welding torch.

Todd Newlan: Get away from my door, you bonehead punk!

Ben: Candygram.

Todd Newlan: That's it! If you don't take off for good I'll ...

Ben: You'll WHAT?

Todd Newlan: I'll glaze yer ugly puss with my welding torch. I mean my uh ... my hair dryer. I'll get out my hair dryer and burn you, so beat it. Stick around here long enough and maybe they'll pick you up with the trash!

Ben: I'm here to look at the art.

Todd Newlan: Nice Try!

Ben: Got some flowers here.

Todd Newlan: Beat it!

Ben: Hi, I'm from Mobile Manor Magazine.

Todd Newlan: Hit the road!

Todd Newlan: What do I have to do to get rid of you?!

Policeman: Remain where you... Hey I don't see anybody.

Policeman Floyd: Maybe nobody's there.

Policeman: Then who set off the alarm, Floyd?

Policeman Floyd: Maybe someone's just foolin' with us.

Policeman: Naw, you must have missed that last guy.

Policeman Floyd: Well, if you could hold this thing still while I'm shootin'.

Policeman: I'm going down for a closer look.

Policeman Floyd: I don't see nobody he must have run away.

Policeman: Nah, we woulda seen him runnin' from the air.

Policeman Floyd: He must be hiding up in the towe.

Policeman: We got him treed.

Policeman Floyd: Let's go up and get him

Maureen: That's my welding torch! How did you get it?

Ben: Oh it was just lying around.

Maureen: Oh good. You get this from the gas tower?

Ben: Not exactly.

Maureen: Nice forks! Where did you find them?

Ben: Right next to the knives and spoons.

Maureen: Well that's it. Wait outside there for a minute while I finish her up. I'm working on a surprise.

Ben: [Walks outside and waits] I hate surprises.

Maureen: Alright! Here she comes! [pause] Am I cool or what?

Ben: Your amazing. I should crash that thing everyday! So, what's the surprise?

Maureen: Oh, just your average, everyday, pre-regulation, destroyer-class, solid-fuel recoil booster.

Ben: You're serious.

Maureen: Yes.

Ben: But only the Vultures...

Maureen: I have my connections. Now, are you gonna try this thing or not? [pause] I wish I had a camera.

Ben: I wish I had some way of paying you back.

Maureen: Just beat it, will ya? You're scaring away my regular customers.

Ben: Bye, Mo.

Maureen: Send me a postcard from the ambush!

Policeman: Here that? He's back at the gas tower! He's got a lotta nerve, that piece of trash! Let's get him! All units follow me.

Darrel: Ben! How'd you get behind us?

Ben: Where are the suits?

Darrel: Corley's making a pit stop. He has a bladder the size of a thimble man...

Ben: Ripburger?

Darrel Haven't seen him in a while. Ben, man, what's the deal? Did you find something up the road? Are we headed for trouble?

Ben: No, we're in it.

[at the pit stop]

Malcolm Corley: [singing] Put my head in a basket. Cause I'd had a tank full. When she blew my gasket, I surely was thankful. 'Til I head for the skies up above. It's a woman with wheels that I love.

Miranda: [to herself] Come on, old man. I got ya. Now, do something incriminating like ambush someone! Ah-ha the plot thickens.

Adrian Ripburger: [towards Malcolm after hitting him with his cane] You shouldn't have laughed at me in those board meetings, Malcolm!

Miranda: [to herself towards Ripburger] What a psycho!

Bolus: Gotcha! [pause] [towards Ripburger] Hey, look what I found in the bushes!

Adrian Ripburger: What is that?

Miranda: It's a choke hold. Come here and I'll demonstrate!

Adrian Ripburger: It's got a camera!

Bolus: I'll get her!

Adrian Ripburger: No! Nestor will take care of her. You have an important engagement with the rest of the Corley family.

Bolus: Right.

Adrian Ripburger: But don't forget to distroy that camera!

Bolus: Yeah, yeah!

Adrian Ripburger: Now then Malcolm, how about one for the road?!

Ben: Corley?

Malcolm Corley: Ben? [pause] I guess Ripburger couldn't wait for natural causes. Just like him to hit a man with his fly's down.

Ben: Ripburger did this to you?

Malcolm Corley: Yeah, he knew I was dying... And he knew that my will would put him out of a job. He wants to take over Corley Motors, Ben! Sell it off to foreigners, lay off workers, start making minivans... You understand me? MINIVANS! Unhhh! You gotta hurt him for me, Ben. Promise me you'll hurt him bad!

Ben: I promise.

Malcolm Corley: I want my daughter to take over the company.

Ben: You have a daughter.

Malcolm Corley: Yeah, and she's a real mechanical genius, Ben! Rebuilt her first carburetor when she was four! I used to call her the Diapered Dynamo. Find my daughter, Ben. Find Maureen

Ben: Maureen!?!

Ben: [to himself while going back] Ripburger's way ahead of me. I just hope Maureen can handle herself until I get there.

Maureen: [to herself after Bolus falls down to the pile] That gun I understand... But why'd he bring a camera. Who does this guy work for? CORLEY MOTORS?!?

Adrian Ripburger: Nestor, what's that moving over there by the pile?

Nestor: I don't know, Rip, but I think that pile is Bolus.

Adrian Ripburger: Yes, now I remember... YOU'RE the smart one, aren't you?

Ben: [to himself when he arrived] There's Mo's shack, but I don't see the limo... Maybe I beat them here. On the second thought, maybe I didn't.

Miranda: Ben! no time to talk!

Ben: You know, it's stank in there, but I can't remember a better sleep.

Miranda: You gotta help me! Go find my editor in Corville, tell him I took pictures of the Corley murder!

Ben: You've got pictures!?

Miranda: Yeah, but some thug took my camera!

Ben: So you DON'T have any pictures.

Miranda: Well, I tarcked the guy to Melonweed. But I'm not going near the place! They'd kill me! Get my editor! He's got to get me out of this! Take one of these fake IDs to get through the roadblocks. My career is riding on those pictures! Help me, Ben, you're my only hope!

Ben: Oh, don't worry. I owe you one. [pause] If Miranda's thug is the same one that trashed Mo's place, that could be Miranda's camera I saw there. But then who's got the film?

Quohog: Hey, killer!

Ben: What?

Quohog: Ayy it's cool. Your secret's safe with me!

Ben: What secret?

Quohog: Haven't you've been watching the news?

Ben: We've been set up!

Emmet: Roadblock suck!

Ben: I've shouldn't have left the gang there!

Quohog: Hey, I don't want to hear anything about it! You ain't making ME an accessory after the fact! Just lay low, man.

Ben: Listen, let me tell you what happened.

Quohog: I told you I don't want to get involved.

Ben: I can do that.

Emmet: Not gonna happen.

Ben: Seem to have a lot of time on your hands. Not to mention nicks or scratches. [pause] Am I distracting you?

Ben: That your truck out front? I need a ride.

Emmet: I look like a cabbie to you? Get lost! They're not letting anyone through that road block, anyway.

Quohog: Not even truckers?

Emmet: They turned me around and said "Police business only." Pigs.

Ben: Look, I really need a ride.

Emmet: Not gonna happen.

Ben Why, Cuz' you're afraid of some cops?

Emmet: No, because I don't like you.

Ben: I just killed a guy.

Emmet: I'm just about to.

Ben: I don't think that's good for the table.

Emmet: Hey, Quohog!

Quohog: Yeah, Emmet?

Emmet: I'm gonna be knifin' up yer table for a while, alright?

Quohog: The customer with the knife is always right.

[trying to continue the below dialogue]

Ben: Let me show you how to do that.

Emmet: Not gonna happen.

Ben: I need to get to this place, Uncle Pete's Mink Ranch.

Emmet: I need to go in that direction too, but the pigs are running the sky tonight.

Ben: How poetic.

Ben: Good talking to you. Friendly folks you get in here.

Quohog: Emmet's not what you'd call an "I'm OK, you're OK" person.

Emmet: Ah, shut yer hole Quohog!

Ben: Here.

Emmet: What's that?

Ben: Fake federal investigator ID. Could be of some use at one of those roadblocks. Ever here of this place - Uncle Pete's Mink Ranch?

Quohog: I remember there used to be some sorta weasel plantation or something up the road.

Emmet: Down Highway 9, on the other side of them damn roadblocks. I used to pick up mink meat down there real cheap, and sell it to school lunch programs. That was a good scam.

Ben: So how about a ride? [Time passes] What if they search the back and find my bike?

Emmet: It's burned in a pile of concentrated fertilizer powder. Trust me, no one's goona dig through that crap. Now yer gonna ride in the engine compartment.

Ben: The engine compartment.

Emmet: Hey, I smuggle stuff in there all the time, and most of it's worth more than you. So stuff yer carcass in there quick and we might hit that mink dump by morning.

Ben: Hope you're better with a stick shift than you are with a knife. [saying to himself while riding] Oh great, smells like he's got a fuel leak. I love engine fires.

Policeman: Sorry sir, only police vehicles beyond this point.

Emmet: I'm with the feds, chump. Check it out.

Policeman: What's this about?

Emmet: Undercover agricultural sting operation.

Policeman: What's in the back?

Emmet: Fertilizer

Policeman: All right, move along.

Emmet: Hope you rubes get yer man!

[time passes]

Ben: Problem with you truck?

Emmet: Loose hose, nuthin big. I already pulled your bike out. It's sittin' right over there. Well, nice knowin' ya. Gotta hit the road, y'know.

Ben: [after when Emmet leaves] He did have a fuel leak! And he took my fuel line to fix it! That trucker's gonna die for what he did!

Nester: Hmmm.

Bolus: The place looks deserted. Maybe the boss was wrong, and she ain't comin' here.

Nester: She's coming! We just got here first! That means all we have to do is sit here and wait!

Bolus: Boss! It was Nester's fault!

Adrian Ripbueger: Get in quick. I have a plan. We're going to lure the Corley remnant out of hiding, with a bike.

Nester: Boss, she already has a bike.

Adrian Ripbueger: Yes, but this one, she worked on with her father. It's an emotional thing; don't try to understand. Now, hurry!

Ben: Father Torque! [pause] I haven't seen you since you retired from the Polecats!

Father Torque: Hey Ben! How's my gang doin'?

Ben: Well, it's a long story.

Ben: What are you doing out here?

Father Torque: Well retirement is pretty boring, Ben. So I just come out on the Old Mine Road looking for trouble.

Ben: You're picking fights?

Father Torque: That's what the Old Mine Road's are for son.

Ben: Father Torque, I need your help. The gang's in jail and the law ...

Father Torque: Ben I'm not the leader of the Polecats anymore, you are. Can't you see I'm on a permanent vacation.

Ben: Any fighting tips Torque?

Father Torque: Ahn, Ben, who's tougher then you?

Ben: Nobody, but those Rottwheelers are uglier.

Father Torque: They are not too bright either. I'm sure you can handle them.

Ben: Your right. No one's tougher than me.

Father Torque: That's m'boy.

Ben: The Vultures are quick, and there're nuts!

Father Torque: The ones with those boosters are hard to whip. Just remember, Ben, it's not about muscle, it'a about timing.

Ben: What's up with those Cavefish, man?

Father Torque: Watch out Ben! There not out here for sport. They hijack big rigs. It's part of their religion. Don't get in their way. They're blind cold-hearted killers.

Ben: How do the Cavefish ride if they're blind?

Father Torque: Well, they're only blind because they wear those special goggles to shield their sensitive cave-dwelling eyes. Special sensors in their goggles pick up the dots on the road, and other large objects and landmarks to help them navigate. Kind of trippy, huh?

Ben: You know any way around Poyahoga Gorge?

Father Torque: Around it? It's miles and miles long, Ben. What's the matter? Don't like bridges?

Ben: It blew up.

Father Torque: Ooooh! Sorry I missed that. Well, you can jump it, like Ricky Myran. Cavefish got his ramp in their hideout, you know.

Ben: Where is the Cavefish hideout, exactly?

Father Torque: Somewhere on this road. The entrance is totally invisible unless you got those weird Cavefish specs. Can't talk anymore Ben. Eatin' too many bugs.

Ben: Well, take it easy father.

Father Torque: Give em' hell Polecat!

Ben: Say there? Is that a pre-regulation destroyer-class solid-fuel recoil booster you have there?

Vulture: Why, yes it is! Ta-ta! [engages booster and rockets away, leaving Ben choking on fumes]

Vulture: Wow, are you really a polecat?

Ben: Yes, I am.

Vulture: Well, I hate polecats.

Vulture: You like choppers, eh? How about this chopper?

Ben: I'm here for the shareholders' meeting.

Corley Motor Guard: Mr. Ripburger has postponded the meeting until Mr. Corley's murderers are apprehended. All the shareholders were notified.

Ben: Yeah, well, I haven't checked my voicemail lately, Mac.

Ben: Excuse me, But are those... shirts, are they all cotton?

Horrace: Well, just let me see here. One hundred percent cotton!

Ben: That's too bad. I'm allergic to cotton.

Horrace: Sure, sure, Take it for a spin. Just don't go out of range. Alright, that's far enough bud. Hey, don't go in there! Now look what you did! The enterance is all the way through the factory! Hang on li'l buddy! Daddy's comin'!

Maureen: That's the guy I was telling you about, Suzi.

Suzi: You sure?

Maureen: Yeah. That's the guy who killed my father.

Suzi: Alright Vultures! Rack 'em up!

Maureen: Let's rip 'em quick!

Ben: Listen, Mo! Your making a big mistake!

Maureen: Oh, Ben. Your right. We shouldn't do this so quickly. We should draw this out, don't you think, Suzi?

Suzi: Hey, I got all night. You heard her kids. Lets draw this out!

Ben: Let me go or else...

Maureen: Or else WHAT?

Ben: I'll call you names!

Maureen: Ooooh! Like what?

Ben: Diapered Dynamo!

Maureen: How... Where'd you hear that name?

Ben: Your father. He told me just before he died.

Maureen: You blugeoned my father, and then talked about old times?

Ben: I didn't kill him! Ripburger did! A photographer took pictures, but her camera was stolen by the same thug that came after you.

Maureen: I... I still have that roll...

Ben: Well, develop it would ya? While I still fit in my clothes?

Maureen: Okay, you stay here.

Maureen: Sorry.

Ben: Yeah, well. Don't sweat it.

Maureen: I'm going to get Ripburger, even if I die trying.

Ben: No, we have to expose Ripburger at the shareholders' meeting. That way, we take him down, we save my gang, AND your father gets his dying wish. You take over Corley Motors.

Maureen: Ripburger canceled the shareholders' meeting. He made a statement to the press that there would be no meeting until the murderers were brought to justice.

Ben: So, no shareholders' meeting until we're both dead?

Maureen: Hmmm... That can be arranged.

Suzi: Okay, so here we go: Faking Ben and Maureen's death, act one, scene one. Adrian Ripburger, in a desperate attempt to lure our Maureen out of hiding has developed the following lame-ass scheme: First prize at tonight's smash-up derby is a vintage hardtrail that Mo restored with her dad. Rip hopes Mo will try to nab said bike on account of her sentimental attachment to it. So Ben and Mo play along, but on disguises, and enter the demolition derby, which ends tragically when their cars explode and they are both presumed dead.

Ben: Uh, question.

Suzi: Please save your questions until the end. Now the explosives in Mo's car can only be triggered by a head-on collision with Ben's car. This ejector seat projects Mo clear from the explosion and she parachutes to safety.

Ben: Don't you think someone will notice her ejecting out of her car?

Suzi: No, they'll be all watching you run around on fire.

Ben: Yes, that's another question I have.

Suzi: When your car explodes, you climb from it in flames and run around the stadium distracting the audience. In your cute little asbestos suit, of course.

Ben: That's some plan!

Suzi: Alright, then, let's go blow you little darlin's up!

Adrian Ripburger: What happened? Did you get him?

Nestor: We finally got him, Bolus! That means Ripburger has to make us vice-presidents now like he promised! And give us ten thousand shares of stock each! Hum, funny smell. What's that? The temperature light?

[their damaged car explodes and they both die]

Adrian Ripburger: Well, on the bright side, I just made twenty thousand shares of stock. Time to start the Sharholders meeting.

Ben: Where's the hardtail?

Maureen: All over the floor Mr. Avenger?

Ben: What? What happened to your deep, sentimental attachment to your father's vintage bike?

Maureen: Ben, it's just a bike! I can put it back together in about half an hour. That's assuming of course, I can find that key.

Ben: What key are you talking about?

Maureen: The key to my dad's safe. I remember he hid it somewhere on this bike but I looked everywhere and I can't find anything that even looks like a key.

Ben: What's in the safe that's so important?

Maureen: My dad's will! I'm counting on him to tell the truth about me finally.

Ben: Why did he keep you a secret all these years?

Maureen: He didn't wabt people to find out about my mom.

Ben: What's so bad about Mrs. Corley?

Maureen: She wasn't my mom.

Ben: But how we are going to get in the factory?

Maureen: In the back of the factory, there's a secret enterance that leads straight to dad's office. He used to sneak me in so I can help him with his bike designs.

Ben: When he got too old to do all the work himself?

Maureen: No, this is back when I was six.

Ben: How do I find the secret passage?

Maureen: Well, it's tricky. You have to wait until all the utility meters to turn black... then you kick the wall in just the right spot, and you're in.

Ben: How do I find the right spot to kick?

Maureen: Dad just knew exactly where to kick it. But I remember there was this big crack in the wall... And if I lined up that crack with my eye level... and kicked the wall right in front of me. This wierd portal would open up.

Ben: What if I can't find that spot?

Maureen: Just line up the crack with your eyes, wait for the meters to turn black, and kick.

Ben: What are we in, anyway?

Maureen: It's a C330 'Big Mouth' Industrial Cargo Jumbo Transport we fixed up. We want to get it rolling so we can take it to biker rallies.

Ben: You're going to try to fly this thing?

Maureen: Rolling Ben, rolling. This baby's flying days are over, just like mine.

Ben: How was your flight?

Maureen: Well, there were some explosions during takeoff, and I landed in a mine field, but other than that, it was fine.

Ben: I'm fine, by the way. thanks for asking.

Maureen: Great, now help me find that key.

Ben: Remember that time you tried to kill me?

Maureen: Yeah, we really TAUT you a lesson.

Ben: I'll see what I can do

Maureen: Right.

[Ben leaves the hideout]

Maureen: Here take the photos. I don't want them. Show them to someone important, if you get a chance.

Corley Motor Guard: Sorry, the meeting's already started.

Ben: I know! Let me in!

Corley Motor Guard: Mr. Ripburger is giving his keynote address. No interruptions.

Ben: But I'm a shareholder!

Corley Motor Guard: Yeah right!

Ben: Jerk!

Ben: Open Up!

Corley Motor Guard: Beat it!

Ben: Jerk!

Mavis: Man that Ripburger. Where does he get this crap.

Mavis: Hey who are you? How long have you been there? Oh, security! [pause] Help! Security! [pause] What took ya so long? He ran down the hallway! Move it!

Security: Mavis must be seeing things.

Ripburger: What you see before you right now is MY vision for Corley Motors.

[the screen goes bad]

Mavis: Oh perfect!

Ripburger: This is a disaster!

Mavis: You're telling me, we're gonna have some major down-time here. Why don't you tell a joke or something.

Ripburger: Ugh, I don't know any jokes. You know, this reminds me of an amusing anecdote.

Mavis: Well, I'm outta ideas.

Adrian Ripburger: Now, this next slide shows our new, more aggressive corporate strategy...

Malcolm Corley: Hello There. If your hearing this, I must've croaked! Well, people gotta move on, you know and make room for other people... and that's what I'm here to talk about today. I've made room for someone else who could take over my place at Corley Motors. And it ain't that embezzling crook Adrian Ripburger! Rip, you don't belong to the head of my company, you belong in jail! I let that man talk into far too many things like keeping my daughter a secret! He was wrong. I was wrong. I should have stood by her. I hope Maureen that you forgive me, and that you take over Corley Motors and run it however you see fit. All right, that's enough! How do I turn this damn thing off?

Adrian Ripburger: I'm sorry you had to hear that tape... from... one of Malcolm's... psychiatric sessions... Near the end, he suffered many paranoid delusions... He was haunted by powerful forces of his own creation.

Maureen: And here's one of them! Ladies and gentlemen! My name is Maureen Corley, and do I have a heck of a story for you! by the time I'm done you'll see why... THIS man should be in jail! Hey! Where'd he hobble off to?

Ben: There he goes!

Maureen: ...and then he sent his goons after ME!

Ben: [watching Ripburger drive away] Run Ripburger... When it's time to find you we'll follow the shiny trail.

Maureen: Yes, of course we'll have day care facilities! Any other questions? Oh, speak of the devil, come over here Ben.

Ben: So, after we pick up your bike, we'll go get my gang out of jail.

Maureen: And then we'll find out why my gang never showed up to help us.

Ben: And then you go business suit shopping.

Maureen: Don't remind me.

Ben: Don't complain. You're going to be rich.

Maureen: At this point, I'd settle for just a little peace and quiet.

Ripburger: She interrupted my speech Ben. She really shouldn't have. I was just about to talk about the inherent dangers of motorcycle operations.

Suzi: Can't you make this damn thing go any faster!?!

Ripburger: My cane!

Ben: You need more than a cane when I'm through with you Ripburger.

Ripburger: Ha! No one sneaks up from me from behind!

Ben: I thought you said this thing couldn't move.

Suzi: I said it couldn't fly, I never said it couldn't taxi.

Maureen: Well, flying would be nice, since we’re headed for the gorge.

Ben: Ripburger! You're going to kill all of us!

Ripburger: Shh Ben! Don't ruin the ending!

Ben: How do you stop this thing?

Suzi: From the cockpit.

Ben: So much for the controls. I could have used those.

Ripburger [trying to shoot Ben]: I'm taking you and your friends with me, Ben!

Ben: All you're taking is the wrong kind of medication!

Ripburger [in response to Ben firing the machine guns on the truck]: Ha! I think you've just killed a seagull!

[writing on the license plate Ripburger has in his hands as he falls into the gorge]: "Can't beat a Corley"

Maureen: Wait! Come back! We need your weight in the plane!

Biker haiku

The "biker haiku" appeared after the ending credits of the game.

On the road for days

Two wheels, one engine and me

I don't brush my teeth.

Full Throttle: Hell on Wheels

[opening narration in the teaser trailer]

Ben (VO): I can't help thinking this is where all my troubles begin. It looks so simple: how about a pretty day, and then kick some tail and leave town... but it never ends up that way. Things get real complicated, real fast.

Cast

Roy Conrad - Ben (Full Throttle only)
Kath Soucie - Maureen Corley
Mark Hamill - Adrian Ripburger, Emmet, Todd Newlan
Hamilton Camp - Malcolm Corley, Father Torque
Maurice LaMarche - Nestor
Mal Friedman - Quohog
Tress MacNeille - Suzi