Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide
Topics
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide
Quotations
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide is a Nickelodeon comedy series. A boy named Ned gives school survival tips to people in his middle school.
Loomer: Hey, it's Cocoanut-Head. Hahaha
Cocoanut-Head: AHHHHH!
Moze: ...Braiding hair.
Cookie: Oh, I can braid hair!
Moze and Ned: Don't admit that.
Ned: Having a friend, half man, half machine, does have its advantages.
Jennifer and Ned: Take off that coat!
Cookie: Chicks dig the fluffy coat.
Ms. Dirga: I don't care if your locker's on the "Ice Planet of Hoth!"
lets just say moze took care of them fair and square woo hoo
Ned: Don't spell at me, I hate it when you spell at me. It is your turn to wash the baby. So wash it!
Cookie (as a temporary Killer Bee): Why don't you get your new best buddy Seth to wash the baby! Oh Seth, party at my house great. Love ya, Bye.
Ned: New tip for the guide, who needs you anyway?
----
(a dog runs by and snatches Ned's homework)
Ned: A dog ate my homework!
Ned: Not steal, Borrow without asking it!
Cookie: I'm dead, I'm not going to dance with Vanessa and Lisa Zemo at the same time.
Jennifer: Wait for a merengue song, keep spinning, and hold it for the best.
Ned: Where is Suzie?
Jennifer: She's with Jock.
Ned: No, She's supposed to be with me to kiss!
(Ned farts in the bathroom)
Ned: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Jennifer: That's it! I'm calling for help!
(Moze dials and calls for help)
Cookie: I can't wait till next year it's the eighth grade and who knows what could happen.
(the end of the second season)
Cookie: Not one of your best plans.
Gordy: Yeah, especially considering we're on the second floor.
Gordy: Making women happy is part of our job as men.
Ned: It is?
Gordy: Yeah! If she's happy, you're happy. And you get kisses!
Gordy: Next thing you know, she'll be asking you to bring her her jacket, and a snack!
Ned's cell phone rings
Ned:It's Suzie! (reads text message out loud to Gordy) Can you bring me my jacket and a snack from the vending machine? P.S I have a surprise for you.
Simone: I rebuilt a V-6 with my dad last year. Floored the heads and gave it 30 more horsepower. See ya.
Simone: Take the pistons and the points. See ya.
Amy: I like kissing boys.
(Amy kisses Ned)
Gordy: Let's go to chapter 16, Torture!
Ned: Nah let's start from the beginning.
Ned: Something tells me he dosen't like me. Actually, it was him.
Jennifer: You just have to get to know each other, find out what you guys have in common. You both read. There's something. And I like him, and it's important that my best friend likes him.
Ned: Fine.
Jennifer: And got a little treat for you.
Ned: 75 dollars to super nail salon and day spa?
Jennifer: My aunt gave it to me and it expires today. We can get manicures, get our faces scrubbed.
Ned: EHHH!
Jennifer: Guys get manicures all the time.
Ned: Then ask Faymen.
Jennifer: He's got a big soccer practice tonight. Did you know he's like some big soccer prodigy in Brazil?
Ned: Then I suggest you ask a girl.
Jennifer: Of Course. I'll just ask... (crickets chirping)
Jennifer: You know, I'm just gonna pick up the phone and call...
(owl hooting)
Jennifer: I'm the captain of the volleyball team. I'll just get one of my friends on the team to go.
(high-pitched scream)
Cookie: My Pen! My Lucky Pen's gone! GG-GG! I ACED 5 tests with that pen and now I'M GONNA FLUNK and be a flunky.
(ringing bells)
Jennifer: OK. Let's split up. Cooke, you stay here, look for your stupid pen! Ned, you go to study hall, make friends with Faymen.
Ned: AAH!
Jennifer: I'll go to practice and find a girl to go to the spa with.
Cookie: What, What did I do?
(flash back)
Cookie: So I almost burned down the house. It wasn't my fault, It's the song that should be banned and not me.
Seth: Yeah sorry, but speaking of fire, did you see Lisa? She is hot. (Cookie says nothing) Laters!
Cookie: But.....(he walks out)
Simone: How dare you! (Simone slaps Seth's face)
Seth: What did I do?
Simone: How dare you not remember what you did! (Simone slaps Seth's face again)
Seth: Who are you?!
Simone: How dare you not remember who I am! (Simone slaps his face and he falls down) Stay away from him!
Seth: (after fighting with Faymen for Mose's honor) We're really tired from girl honor fighting.
Jennifer: STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN SISTER! (tackles Missy)
Jennifer: Oh, don't tell me you're the freak in the bird suit I heard about.
Cookie: I have a plan.
Jennifer: (sighs)
Crubbs: (to Coconut Head) You were needing to go to the bathroom in the "Electrical Closet". All right, I buy that, for now! But my Bigby senses are still tingling.
Van Earl Wright: Hello, Everybody. Along with my partner Willie Gault, I'm Van Earl Wright welcoming you to Ned's Field Trip. Willie, What do you think about the trip so far?
Willie: Ha, Ha! Well, I think Ned's in deep, deep doody.
Van Earl: Right! Because if he gets caught by a Vice Principal Crubbs, it's summer school and a whole pile of bad stuff. Now more importantly, what do you think about the Suzie/Moze dilemma?
Willie: Well, I like Moze better than Suzie. I think she's a much better match for Ned, but he's gonna have to figure it out on his own.
Van Earl: All right. Let's get back to the show to see if Ned ends up with Suzie, Jennifer Mozely, or CRUBBS!
Jennifer: What does Suzie have that I don't have?
Cookie: Ned.
Ned: So, maybe we should go out. You know, boyfriend-girlfriend, more than friends?
Jennifer: (as the two hold hands) Holding hands, talking all night, heart-shaped candies on Valentine's Day?
Ned: I'm ready if you are.
Jennifer: Bring it on. (The two share a romantic kiss)
Ned and Jennifer: Best field trip ever.
Cookie: (walks in on Jennifer and Ned) Was I interrupting something?
Ned and Jennifer(in unison): We're going out now!
Cookie: Cool!
Cookie:What do girls like most in a guy?
Moze:Honesty, a sense of humor...
Cookie: No, superhero. Lois Lane likes Superman. Mary Jane likes Spider-Man. And Lisa will love...(reveals symbol on inside of shirt) The Steel Eagle! The Steal Eagle fights for justice, protects the class on field trips, and will impress Lisa so much she'll get pizza with me and we'll live happily ever after.
Moze: Or, this is a sign that you have finally lost your mind.
Ned: So, Looks like Gordy's done chasing weasels.
Cookie: I got my pizza date with Lisa and I'm going to meet her now.
Jennifer: And now that Ned and I are going out (Ned puts his arm around her), we'll join ya.
Ned: And we all lived happily ever after.
(the end of the series to End Credits)
Guide to: First Day & Lockers
Ned: It's the first day of school and it could if we totally frightening. But the key will survive and says that when you're ready. Or not.Loomer: Hey, it's Cocoanut-Head. Hahaha
Cocoanut-Head: AHHHHH!
Moze: ...Braiding hair.
Cookie: Oh, I can braid hair!
Moze and Ned: Don't admit that.
Ned: Having a friend, half man, half machine, does have its advantages.
Jennifer and Ned: Take off that coat!
Cookie: Chicks dig the fluffy coat.
Ms. Dirga: I don't care if your locker's on the "Ice Planet of Hoth!"
lets just say moze took care of them fair and square woo hoo
Guide to: Best Friends
Cookie (as a temporary Killer Bee): Don't give me that look, I was B-U-S-Y.Ned: Don't spell at me, I hate it when you spell at me. It is your turn to wash the baby. So wash it!
Cookie (as a temporary Killer Bee): Why don't you get your new best buddy Seth to wash the baby! Oh Seth, party at my house great. Love ya, Bye.
Ned: New tip for the guide, who needs you anyway?
----
Guide to: Excuses
Ned: And make your excuses realistic, because no one is gonna believe that a dog ate your homework.(a dog runs by and snatches Ned's homework)
Ned: A dog ate my homework!
Guide to: Notebooks
Cookie: When are you going to steal the golden notebook?Ned: Not steal, Borrow without asking it!
Guide to: Double Dating and The Last Day
Jennifer: (runs to the bathroom) Do not go in there!Cookie: I'm dead, I'm not going to dance with Vanessa and Lisa Zemo at the same time.
Jennifer: Wait for a merengue song, keep spinning, and hold it for the best.
Ned: Where is Suzie?
Jennifer: She's with Jock.
Ned: No, She's supposed to be with me to kiss!
(Ned farts in the bathroom)
Ned: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Jennifer: That's it! I'm calling for help!
(Moze dials and calls for help)
Cookie: I can't wait till next year it's the eighth grade and who knows what could happen.
(the end of the second season)
Guide to: Principals
Ned: If he breaks his neck, he'll be in the hospital! Not in the principal's office!Cookie: Not one of your best plans.
Gordy: Yeah, especially considering we're on the second floor.
Guide to: Dismissal
Gordy: Oh, and you have 10 seconds to catch the bus. RUN, BOY! (screaming) RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Gordy: Making women happy is part of our job as men.
Ned: It is?
Gordy: Yeah! If she's happy, you're happy. And you get kisses!
Gordy: Next thing you know, she'll be asking you to bring her her jacket, and a snack!
Ned's cell phone rings
Ned:It's Suzie! (reads text message out loud to Gordy) Can you bring me my jacket and a snack from the vending machine? P.S I have a surprise for you.
Guide to: Social Studies
Evelyn: That's it, I QUIT! I'd rather get an F than work with you, Cook!Guide to: Girls
Loomer: How do you know about engines? You're a girl.Simone: I rebuilt a V-6 with my dad last year. Floored the heads and gave it 30 more horsepower. See ya.
Simone: Take the pistons and the points. See ya.
Amy: I like kissing boys.
(Amy kisses Ned)
Guide to: The Library
Librarian: Not accordion to my records!Gordy: Let's go to chapter 16, Torture!
Ned: Nah let's start from the beginning.
Guide to: Making New Friends
Jennifer: So how did it go with Faymen?Ned: Something tells me he dosen't like me. Actually, it was him.
Jennifer: You just have to get to know each other, find out what you guys have in common. You both read. There's something. And I like him, and it's important that my best friend likes him.
Ned: Fine.
Jennifer: And got a little treat for you.
Ned: 75 dollars to super nail salon and day spa?
Jennifer: My aunt gave it to me and it expires today. We can get manicures, get our faces scrubbed.
Ned: EHHH!
Jennifer: Guys get manicures all the time.
Ned: Then ask Faymen.
Jennifer: He's got a big soccer practice tonight. Did you know he's like some big soccer prodigy in Brazil?
Ned: Then I suggest you ask a girl.
Jennifer: Of Course. I'll just ask... (crickets chirping)
Jennifer: You know, I'm just gonna pick up the phone and call...
(owl hooting)
Jennifer: I'm the captain of the volleyball team. I'll just get one of my friends on the team to go.
(high-pitched scream)
Cookie: My Pen! My Lucky Pen's gone! GG-GG! I ACED 5 tests with that pen and now I'M GONNA FLUNK and be a flunky.
(ringing bells)
Jennifer: OK. Let's split up. Cooke, you stay here, look for your stupid pen! Ned, you go to study hall, make friends with Faymen.
Ned: AAH!
Jennifer: I'll go to practice and find a girl to go to the spa with.
Guide to: Fund Raising
Gordy: Caaaarbaaaash! Yeah, you hold a car bash! You get an old junky car, and then you charge kids a buck to bash it in with a sledge hammer! We did it in college, we raised over three hundred dollars!.Guide to: Parties
Seth: (they back him off for an alert) Sorry Simon, but my parents banned you because of what happened last year.Cookie: What, What did I do?
(flash back)
Cookie: So I almost burned down the house. It wasn't my fault, It's the song that should be banned and not me.
Seth: Yeah sorry, but speaking of fire, did you see Lisa? She is hot. (Cookie says nothing) Laters!
Cookie: But.....(he walks out)
Simone: How dare you! (Simone slaps Seth's face)
Seth: What did I do?
Simone: How dare you not remember what you did! (Simone slaps Seth's face again)
Seth: Who are you?!
Simone: How dare you not remember who I am! (Simone slaps his face and he falls down) Stay away from him!
Guide to: Jealousy
Seth: Hey! Jennifer is my girl bucko!Seth: (after fighting with Faymen for Mose's honor) We're really tired from girl honor fighting.
Jennifer: STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN SISTER! (tackles Missy)
Guide to: Field Trips, Permission Slips, Signs & Weasels
Jennifer: (about Ned taking the heat for her) He saved me!Jennifer: Oh, don't tell me you're the freak in the bird suit I heard about.
Cookie: I have a plan.
Jennifer: (sighs)
Crubbs: (to Coconut Head) You were needing to go to the bathroom in the "Electrical Closet". All right, I buy that, for now! But my Bigby senses are still tingling.
Van Earl Wright: Hello, Everybody. Along with my partner Willie Gault, I'm Van Earl Wright welcoming you to Ned's Field Trip. Willie, What do you think about the trip so far?
Willie: Ha, Ha! Well, I think Ned's in deep, deep doody.
Van Earl: Right! Because if he gets caught by a Vice Principal Crubbs, it's summer school and a whole pile of bad stuff. Now more importantly, what do you think about the Suzie/Moze dilemma?
Willie: Well, I like Moze better than Suzie. I think she's a much better match for Ned, but he's gonna have to figure it out on his own.
Van Earl: All right. Let's get back to the show to see if Ned ends up with Suzie, Jennifer Mozely, or CRUBBS!
Jennifer: What does Suzie have that I don't have?
Cookie: Ned.
Ned: So, maybe we should go out. You know, boyfriend-girlfriend, more than friends?
Jennifer: (as the two hold hands) Holding hands, talking all night, heart-shaped candies on Valentine's Day?
Ned: I'm ready if you are.
Jennifer: Bring it on. (The two share a romantic kiss)
Ned and Jennifer: Best field trip ever.
Cookie: (walks in on Jennifer and Ned) Was I interrupting something?
Ned and Jennifer(in unison): We're going out now!
Cookie: Cool!
Cookie:What do girls like most in a guy?
Moze:Honesty, a sense of humor...
Cookie: No, superhero. Lois Lane likes Superman. Mary Jane likes Spider-Man. And Lisa will love...(reveals symbol on inside of shirt) The Steel Eagle! The Steal Eagle fights for justice, protects the class on field trips, and will impress Lisa so much she'll get pizza with me and we'll live happily ever after.
Moze: Or, this is a sign that you have finally lost your mind.
Ned: So, Looks like Gordy's done chasing weasels.
Cookie: I got my pizza date with Lisa and I'm going to meet her now.
Jennifer: And now that Ned and I are going out (Ned puts his arm around her), we'll join ya.
Ned: And we all lived happily ever after.
(the end of the series to End Credits)
Cast
- Devon Werkheiser as Ned Bigby
- Daniel Curtis Lee as Simon "Cookie" Nelson-Cook
- Lindsey Shaw as Jennifer "Moze" Mosely
- Daran Norris as Janitor Gordy
- Christian Serratos as Suzie Crabgrass
- Rachel Sibner as Lisa Zemo
- Michelle Kim as Evelyn Kwong