Penn & Teller's Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends
Encyclopedia
Penn & Teller's Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends is a straight-to-video release by magicians Penn & Teller
on Lorimar Home Video in 1987. The tape features seven different swindles or tricks that the home viewer can use to fool their friends. The tape was a companion piece to their best selling book of the same name. All of the tricks involve using a portion of the videotape.
Penn & Teller assume no responsibility for the misuse of these materials and will not be held liable to anyone who loses money from the illegal misuse of this tape.
After, Penn & Teller introduce themselves, making a huge point about how there are roughly 138 suckers to every American who owns a VCR (and can thus buy and use the tape.) The only music in the tape is some incidental background music provided by Penn & Teller themselves (Penn on bass guitar
, Teller on keyboard
). They also filmed the tape almost exclusively in the apartment of co-writer Eddie Gorodetsky
. This was supposedly to help reduce the cost of the tape, which, as Penn points out, retailed at $3.95.
. The trick involved distracting the victim and forcing them to select the three of clubs from a deck of cards. The magician asks them to make a simple wager on the outcome, and purposefully picks the wrong card from the deck. After doing so the magician asks the victim to watch some TV. When the TV is turned on, the videotape shows a clip from the old Carole Lombard
movie Nothing Sacred
. After a TV bumper, a quick segment called "Newsbreak" comes on. The female newsreader reads a news piece about a new government scandal. After reading a few lines, the newsreader is given a breaking headline. She pauses, smiles brightly, holds up a jumbo-sized three of clubs and says "Is this your card?" The magician is then supposed to take the money, and laugh at his victim.
, handy. The tape also included a sticker which reads "Static Free for TV Screens" to place on the bottle. The Magician is supposed to start to watch another clip from Nothing Sacred when the Magician is supposed to act like they see a speck of dirt on the screen. The Magician is then supposed to spray some of the cleaner on a paper towel and after a special moment happens in the movie the magician starts rubbing the screen with the paper towel. The clip has been digitally altered to look like the image is being torn and distorted like, as Penn puts it, "a watercolor being rubbed with a wet sponge." The victim is supposed to be shocked into thinking that an over-the-counter cleanser can actually damage an image on a TV screen. This is not to be done for money, but just for laughs. This trick was demonstrated on an episode of Late Night with David Letterman
) Penn says "this is obviously hysterical grandstanding. Use your head! If backwards masking really worked, Ozzy Osbourne
would be the Prime Minister
of England
!" The magician is then asked to claim that he has found a backwards masking technique in a show hosted by an unnamed Televangelist. The victim is asked to put some money on it. The magician pauses the tape, and then is supposed to pretend to play the film backwards. In actuality the Magician just presses the "play" button . The footage starts to play in reverse. The preacher starts to say all manner of Satanic messages such as "Satan is our Lord" and "The screams of torture are the music of my dance". This trick was done to seemingly poke fun at televangelists like Jim Bakker
and Jimmy Swaggart
.
A similar scam was used as the mini-game "Sun Scorcher" in the cancelled SegaCD game Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors
knife. Before your friend comes over, you are supposed to take the five of diamonds and carefully cut out the middle diamond with the knife, then you place the doctored card into the deck. You tell your friend that Penn & Teller are going to be on TV with MTV
VJ Alan Hunter. Then you tell your friend that he will be the Magician for an interactive card trick. Penn will ask the person who is in on it to pull out a card and examine it and place it back into the deck. It doesn't matter what card you pick, you say it was the four of diamonds. The victim is then asked to place the deck on top of the TV. Teller then "reaches" up and pulls down a similarly gimmicked card. Penn says "Is this your card, the FIVE of diamonds?" The person says no, then Teller (who has been wearing a red and white striped tie) moves the hole onto a white stripe, this making the red diamond vanish, and thus correctly finding the chosen card. The victim will be amazed that the trick has gone off so well. The person who is in on it is supposed to say that he thinks he knows how the trick was done and asks for the card...he pulls out the gimmicked card which has now magically appeared in the deck. Penn says that there are three separate betting points, but does not say what they are.
to stick two cards together, so only the backs are showing. Penn says to milk this trick, you are supposed to act patronizing and condescending to your victim, (in the video, Penn & Teller claim that they have taught the trick to handicapped children and that they have learned it straight-away.)
trick that is to be performed with a sucker who has a girlfriend (played here by Lydia Lunch
) you would like to have all your own. In the trick you set up by saying that when a couple starts going together, a mental bond (or simpatico
) is created that is said to "borderline on eerie." To prove this, The magician asks both people to stand back to back, with the woman staring at the TV, which is playing yet another clip of Nothing Sacred. The magician pulls out a randomly picked book and asks the victim to pick a page at random, and then he asks the victim to tell him how many lines down to go on the page and how many word across in order to pick a random word. This word is written down on a card and handed to the victim, who is goaded into betting his money that his girlfriend CAN'T guess the word by concentrating. This drives a wedge between the victim and his lover...who magically knows that the word is "bundle." This is because that the magician doesn't use the word picked out of the book, he writes down the word "bundle" and hands it to the victim. While this is going on, the woman is watching the TV, when over the clip, Teller walks in holding up large cue cards which say that the word is "bundle."
After the last trick footage is shown, the tape ends.
Penn: (Referring to "Vidi-Kopy") "You're smart enough to see the implications...there's money to be made here. Demonstrate Vidi-Kopy to the vegetable who walks like a man, and then sell it to him. The price? Well, let me put it this way, If Lt. Doofus is the buyer, and a Penn & Teller fan is the seller, it's pretty safe to say it's a seller's market."
Penn: (Referring to "Wedge of Greed") "This is our last scam, and Teller has asked me to make a couple of announcements. First of all, he'd like you to know that 'this one' is his favorite, and second of all, DON'T EVER CALL WHAT HE DOES 'MIME'!" (Teller slams his fist into his palm.)
The card is part of a cenotaph (grave marker with no casket beneath it) at Forest Lawn Memorial Park (Hollywood Hills)
emblazoned with the three of clubs, and the words "Is This Your Card?" This is said to be the payoff for "the mother of all card tricks." The card trick is featured in one of their episodes.
Penn & Teller
Penn & Teller are Las Vegas headliners whose act is an amalgam of illusion and comedy. Penn Jillette is a raconteur; Teller generally uses mime while performing, although his voice can occasionally be heard during their performance...
on Lorimar Home Video in 1987. The tape features seven different swindles or tricks that the home viewer can use to fool their friends. The tape was a companion piece to their best selling book of the same name. All of the tricks involve using a portion of the videotape.
Tape Format
The tape begins with an odd warning after the usual FBI anti-piracy warning.Penn & Teller assume no responsibility for the misuse of these materials and will not be held liable to anyone who loses money from the illegal misuse of this tape.
After, Penn & Teller introduce themselves, making a huge point about how there are roughly 138 suckers to every American who owns a VCR (and can thus buy and use the tape.) The only music in the tape is some incidental background music provided by Penn & Teller themselves (Penn on bass guitar
Bass guitar
The bass guitar is a stringed instrument played primarily with the fingers or thumb , or by using a pick....
, Teller on keyboard
Electronic keyboard
An electronic keyboard is an electronic or digital keyboard instrument.The major components of a typical modern electronic keyboard are:...
). They also filmed the tape almost exclusively in the apartment of co-writer Eddie Gorodetsky
Eddie Gorodetsky
Eddie Gorodetsky is a television writer and producer. His credits include Desert Bus, Two and a Half Men, Dharma & Greg, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Mike & Molly, Saturday Night Live, SCTV Network 90, and Late Night with David Letterman...
. This was supposedly to help reduce the cost of the tape, which, as Penn points out, retailed at $3.95.
The Card Force (No Name Given)
The opening trick involved learning a simple effect called a card forceEquivocation (magic)
Equivocation is a technique by which a magician appears to have intended a particular outcome, when in actuality the outcome is one of several alternative outcomes.-Card force:...
. The trick involved distracting the victim and forcing them to select the three of clubs from a deck of cards. The magician asks them to make a simple wager on the outcome, and purposefully picks the wrong card from the deck. After doing so the magician asks the victim to watch some TV. When the TV is turned on, the videotape shows a clip from the old Carole Lombard
Carole Lombard
Carole Lombard was an American actress. She was particularly noted for her comedic roles in the screwball comedies of the 1930s...
movie Nothing Sacred
Nothing Sacred (film)
Nothing Sacred is a 1937 Technicolor screwball comedy film made by Selznick International Pictures and distributed by United Artists. It was directed by William A. Wellman and produced by David O. Selznick, from a screenplay credited to Ben Hecht, based on a story by James H. Street...
. After a TV bumper, a quick segment called "Newsbreak" comes on. The female newsreader reads a news piece about a new government scandal. After reading a few lines, the newsreader is given a breaking headline. She pauses, smiles brightly, holds up a jumbo-sized three of clubs and says "Is this your card?" The magician is then supposed to take the money, and laugh at his victim.
Super Kleener
This trick does not involve cards, but instead involves the user to have paper towels and a bottle of glass cleaner, like WindexWindex
Windex is a trademark for a glass and hard-surface cleaner manufactured since 1933. S. C. Johnson acquired Windex in 1993 and has been manufacturing it since that time. The product was recently reformulated with more environmentally desirable solvents....
, handy. The tape also included a sticker which reads "Static Free for TV Screens" to place on the bottle. The Magician is supposed to start to watch another clip from Nothing Sacred when the Magician is supposed to act like they see a speck of dirt on the screen. The Magician is then supposed to spray some of the cleaner on a paper towel and after a special moment happens in the movie the magician starts rubbing the screen with the paper towel. The clip has been digitally altered to look like the image is being torn and distorted like, as Penn puts it, "a watercolor being rubbed with a wet sponge." The victim is supposed to be shocked into thinking that an over-the-counter cleanser can actually damage an image on a TV screen. This is not to be done for money, but just for laughs. This trick was demonstrated on an episode of Late Night with David Letterman
Late Night with David Letterman
Late Night with David Letterman is a nightly hour-long comedy talk show on NBC that was created and hosted by David Letterman. It premiered in 1982 as the first incarnation of the Late Night franchise and went off the air in 1993, after Letterman left NBC and moved to Late Show on CBS. Late Night...
Demon from Hell
Said to be Penn's favorite clip, this trick makes fun of the then-popular claim by Fundamentalist Christians that many popular albums, movies, and TV shows contained backwards messages. (referred to as backmaskingBackmasking
Backmasking is a recording technique in which a sound or message is recorded backward on to a track that is meant to be played forward...
) Penn says "this is obviously hysterical grandstanding. Use your head! If backwards masking really worked, Ozzy Osbourne
Ozzy Osbourne
John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne is an English vocalist, whose musical career has spanned over 40 years. Osbourne rose to prominence as lead singer of the pioneering English heavy metal band Black Sabbath, whose radically different, intentionally dark, harder sound helped spawn the heavy metal...
would be the Prime Minister
Prime minister
A prime minister is the most senior minister of cabinet in the executive branch of government in a parliamentary system. In many systems, the prime minister selects and may dismiss other members of the cabinet, and allocates posts to members within the government. In most systems, the prime...
of England
England
England is a country that is part of the United Kingdom. It shares land borders with Scotland to the north and Wales to the west; the Irish Sea is to the north west, the Celtic Sea to the south west, with the North Sea to the east and the English Channel to the south separating it from continental...
!" The magician is then asked to claim that he has found a backwards masking technique in a show hosted by an unnamed Televangelist. The victim is asked to put some money on it. The magician pauses the tape, and then is supposed to pretend to play the film backwards. In actuality the Magician just presses the "play" button . The footage starts to play in reverse. The preacher starts to say all manner of Satanic messages such as "Satan is our Lord" and "The screams of torture are the music of my dance". This trick was done to seemingly poke fun at televangelists like Jim Bakker
Jim Bakker
James Orsen "Jim" Bakker is an American televangelist, a former Assemblies of God minister, and a former host of The PTL Club, a popular evangelical Christian television program.A sex scandal led to his resignation from the ministry...
and Jimmy Swaggart
Jimmy Swaggart
Jimmy Lee Swaggart is a Pentecostal American pastor, teacher, musician, television host, and televangelist. He has preached to crowds around the world through his weekly telecast...
.
Vidi-Kopy
What may be the most elaborate of the scams occurs next. In "Vidi-Kopy", Penn & Teller claim they have created an experimental tape that can turn a VCR into a digital copier. After a short description, the Magician starts the tape with what appears to be a computer screen placed on it. The Magician takes a "random piece of paper" (which has been specially prepared beforehand by the magician). A female voice says "Do not touch screen during "Vidi-Kopy" operation." After a few seconds of digital flashing, a copy of the image drawn on the paper appears on the screen. After a fake "save" function, the Magician is then asked to take a dollar bill out of his pocket, and hold it against the screen and an image of the bill appears on the screen, then the magician presses a fake button on the screen which makes the image magnify on the screen. The Magician then has two options, either turn off the tape and then attempt to sell the fake Vidi-Kopy tape to the victim, or keep the tape rolling for the punch-line. The Magician is supposed to downplay the warnings about touching the screen and place his bare hand on the screen and press the copy button. The image flashes and a copy of his hand is supposed to appear on the screen, which flashes violently, the female voice starts saying "System Failure." The Magician is supposed to scream and act like his hand has been horribly burned.A similar scam was used as the mini-game "Sun Scorcher" in the cancelled SegaCD game Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors
Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors
Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors is an unreleased video game that was planned for release initially on the Sega CD in April 1995 and to be followed by PC and 3DO versions later that year. The game starred the comedy-magician duo Penn & Teller...
Diamond and the Dope
This clip requires a deck of cards and an X-ActoX-acto
X-Acto is a brand name for a variety of cutting tools and office products owned by Elmer's Products, Inc. Cutting tools include hobby and utility knives, saws, carving tools and many small-scale precision knives used for crafts and other applications....
knife. Before your friend comes over, you are supposed to take the five of diamonds and carefully cut out the middle diamond with the knife, then you place the doctored card into the deck. You tell your friend that Penn & Teller are going to be on TV with MTV
MTV
MTV, formerly an initialism of Music Television, is an American network based in New York City that launched on August 1, 1981. The original purpose of the channel was to play music videos guided by on-air hosts known as VJs....
VJ Alan Hunter. Then you tell your friend that he will be the Magician for an interactive card trick. Penn will ask the person who is in on it to pull out a card and examine it and place it back into the deck. It doesn't matter what card you pick, you say it was the four of diamonds. The victim is then asked to place the deck on top of the TV. Teller then "reaches" up and pulls down a similarly gimmicked card. Penn says "Is this your card, the FIVE of diamonds?" The person says no, then Teller (who has been wearing a red and white striped tie) moves the hole onto a white stripe, this making the red diamond vanish, and thus correctly finding the chosen card. The victim will be amazed that the trick has gone off so well. The person who is in on it is supposed to say that he thinks he knows how the trick was done and asks for the card...he pulls out the gimmicked card which has now magically appeared in the deck. Penn says that there are three separate betting points, but does not say what they are.
Beginner's Luck?
This trick is supposed to be used on either people who are too cheap to buy their own copy of the tape, or too sophisticated to fall for the more outrageous scams. The bit will revolve around a fake magic tutorial jokingly titled "Cool Tricks for Dear Friends". Penn & Teller will show the victim and the magician how to do a simple trick involving three cards. the idea is to take three playing cards, fan them out and then flipping over the middle card so the fan shows up front, back, front. Penn will then give some bogus instructions to a trick that involves flipping the middle card over in order to make all three backs show in a row. The victim will have trouble with the trick, while the Magician will nail it on the first go. This is because the Magician has made a gaffed double-backed card by using a glue stickGlue stick
Glue sticks are solid adhesives in twist or push-up tubes. The user can apply glue by holding the open tube, thus keeping their fingers clean...
to stick two cards together, so only the backs are showing. Penn says to milk this trick, you are supposed to act patronizing and condescending to your victim, (in the video, Penn & Teller claim that they have taught the trick to handicapped children and that they have learned it straight-away.)
Wedge of Greed
The last trick on the tape is said to be Teller's favorite. The trick is a mentalismMentalism
Mentalism is a performing art in which its practitioners, known as mentalists, appear to demonstrate highly developed mental or intuitive abilities. Performances may appear to include telepathy, clairvoyance, divination, precognition, psychokinesis, mediumship, mind control, memory feats and rapid...
trick that is to be performed with a sucker who has a girlfriend (played here by Lydia Lunch
Lydia Lunch
Lydia Lunch is an American singer, poet, writer, and actress whose career was spawned by the New York No Wave scene...
) you would like to have all your own. In the trick you set up by saying that when a couple starts going together, a mental bond (or simpatico
Simpatico
Simpatico is the ninth album by British band The Charlatans , released on April 17, 2006 everywhere but the U.S., where it was released on May 2, 2006...
) is created that is said to "borderline on eerie." To prove this, The magician asks both people to stand back to back, with the woman staring at the TV, which is playing yet another clip of Nothing Sacred. The magician pulls out a randomly picked book and asks the victim to pick a page at random, and then he asks the victim to tell him how many lines down to go on the page and how many word across in order to pick a random word. This word is written down on a card and handed to the victim, who is goaded into betting his money that his girlfriend CAN'T guess the word by concentrating. This drives a wedge between the victim and his lover...who magically knows that the word is "bundle." This is because that the magician doesn't use the word picked out of the book, he writes down the word "bundle" and hands it to the victim. While this is going on, the woman is watching the TV, when over the clip, Teller walks in holding up large cue cards which say that the word is "bundle."
After the last trick footage is shown, the tape ends.
Quotes
Penn: (Opening lines) "There are 5,380,000,000 people in this world. 4.71% of these live in the United States. Of those living in the United States, 60.3% own televisions. And of those owning televisions, only 27% own video recorders. That makes 38,705,057 of US, and 5,341,294,943 of THEM. That's 137.999 suckers for each one of us. *cash register sfx* Sucker-wise, it's an embarrassment of riches. If you follow our instructions closely, and have the money to fund your betting, you're gonna make money off us. Even if you paid as much as the full, list, retail price of $3.95 for this tape, you're gonna increase your money by an order of magnitude in less time than it takes to say 'knowing falsification of advertising claims resulting in irretrievable financial loss by the aggrieved party.'"Penn: (Referring to "Vidi-Kopy") "You're smart enough to see the implications...there's money to be made here. Demonstrate Vidi-Kopy to the vegetable who walks like a man, and then sell it to him. The price? Well, let me put it this way, If Lt. Doofus is the buyer, and a Penn & Teller fan is the seller, it's pretty safe to say it's a seller's market."
Penn: (Referring to "Wedge of Greed") "This is our last scam, and Teller has asked me to make a couple of announcements. First of all, he'd like you to know that 'this one' is his favorite, and second of all, DON'T EVER CALL WHAT HE DOES 'MIME'!" (Teller slams his fist into his palm.)
Three of Clubs
Penn & Teller have always used the three of clubs as their force cards due to the fact that it shows up well on TV and in front of an audience.The card is part of a cenotaph (grave marker with no casket beneath it) at Forest Lawn Memorial Park (Hollywood Hills)
Forest Lawn Memorial Park (Hollywood Hills)
Forest Lawn – Hollywood Hills Cemetery is part of the Forest Lawn chain of Southern California cemeteries. It is at 6300 Forest Lawn Drive in the Hollywood Hills neighborhood in the Hollywood district of Los Angeles, California, on the lower north slope at the far east end of the Santa Monica...
emblazoned with the three of clubs, and the words "Is This Your Card?" This is said to be the payoff for "the mother of all card tricks." The card trick is featured in one of their episodes.