Directed by Michael Bay. Written by Robert Roy Pool and Johnathan Hensleigh.

Harry Stamper

• [After Freedom's Armadillo is destroyed] Hey Truman prepare the world for bad news.
• [as he activates the manual detonator] We win, Gracie!

Dan Truman

• When the rogue comet went through the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel right for us. For the next 11 days, the Earth's in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid itself hits the water, it's still hitting land. It will slam into the ocean bedrock. Now if it's a Pacific Ocean impact, which we think it will be, it will create a tidal wave about three miles high, flash boil millions of gallons of sea water. It will hit the West Coast and wash up in Denver. Japan is gone, Australia is wiped out. Half of the Earth's population will be incinerated by the heat blast, the rest will freeze to death in a nuclear winter. Basically the worst parts of the Bible.

US President

• I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as a leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day "Armageddon"-the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service.
  The human thirst for excellence, knowledge, every step up the ladder of science, every adventurous reach into space, all of our combined technologies and imaginations, even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history, through all of the wrong and the discord, through all of the pain and the suffering, through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage.
  The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. And may we, citizens the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you.

Dialogue

[Camera shoots past the moon to slowly zoom in on the Earth]

Narrator: [first lines] This is the Earth, at a time when the dinosaurs roamed a lush and fertile planet.

[From behind the camera, a giant asteroid appears, speeding towards the Earth ahead of it]

Narrator: A piece of rock just 6 miles wide changed all that.

[Blazing through the atmosphere, the asteroid impacts with a spectacular display of fire and destruction]

Narrator: It hit with the force of 10,000 nuclear weapons. A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere, creating a suffocating blanket of dust the sun was powerless to penetrate for a thousand years. It happened before. It will happen again. It's just a question of when.

Harry Stamper: What's your contingency plan?

Truman: Contingency plan?

Harry: Your backup plan. You gotta have some kind of backup plan, right?

Truman: No, we don't have a back up plan, this is, uh...

Harry: And this is the best that you-that the government, the US government could come up with? I mean, you're NASA for crying out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You're the guys that're thinking shit up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight Boy Scouts right here [gestures to USAF pilots], that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?

Truman: Yeah.

President: What is this thing?

Truman: It's an asteroid, sir.

President: How big are we talking?

Scientist: Sir, our best estimate is 97.6 billion-

Truman: It's the size of Texas, Mr. President.

President: Dan, we didn't see this thing coming?

Truman: Well, our object collision budget's about a million dollars a year. That allows us to track about three percent of the sky, and begging your pardon sir, but it's a big-ass sky.

President: Is this, going to hit us?

Truman: We're efforting that as we speak sir.

President: What kind of damage?

Truman: Damage? A total, sir. It's what we call a global killer. The end of mankind. Doesn't matter where it hits, nothing would survive, not even bacteria.

President: My God. What do we do?

[Harry just told his team the reason why all of them were reassembled]

Harry: None of you have to go. You can all just sit here on Earth and wait for this big rock to crash into it, killing everything and everybody we know. The United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?

Chick: Twenty years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.

Freddy Noonan: Guess I can't let you go up there alone.

Bear: I'm with you.

Oscar: Man, this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.

Rockhound: While I don't share his enthusiasm…you know me. Beam me up, Scotty!

Harry: You all right, Max?

Max: I...I...whatever you think?

Harry: [to AJ] How about you?

AJ: I'm in.

Harry: All right then. We go.

Rockhound: I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?

[The team are listing their conditions for going on the mission]

Truman: So what's the verdict?

Harry Stamper: They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.

Truman: Such as?

Harry Stamper: [riffles through sheets of paper] Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.

Oscar: [shouting from balcony] Fifty-six tickets in seven states...

Harry Stamper: [to Oscar] I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, you got it.

Oscar: Okay.

Harry Stamper: Uh, Noonan's got two women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like you to...bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya? [Truman and the General look at him, Harry turns and shakes his head] Um, Bear would like to stay at the... [tries to read writing] "White horse"? [looks up at Bear]

Bear: White. House. White House.

Harry Stamper: White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that.

Truman: Sure, I think we can, uh, take care of... some of that.

Rockhound: [shouting from balcony] Harry!

Harry Stamper: [motions back at Rockhound] Yeah one more thing, um...none of them wanna pay taxes again. Ever.

[after the asteroid landing goes wrong]

Rockhound: We're in segment 202, lateral grid six, site 15H32-give or take a few yards. Captain America here blew the landing by 26 miles!

Col. Sharp: How the hell do you know that?

Rockhound: Because I'm a genius.

Watts: The gauges will not read. They're all peaked like we're plugged into some magnetic field.

Rockhound: [sarcastically] Who on this spaceship wants to know why?

Gruber: By all means.

Rockhound: The reason we were shooting for grid eight was because thermographics indicated that grid nine was compressed iron ferrite...which means you've landed us on a goddamn iron plate!

[during the standoff with the bomb]

Harry: For God's sakes, think about what you're doin'. Why are you listening to someone a hundred thousand miles away? We're here. No one down there can help us and if we don't get this job done, then everybody's gone.

Chick: Forty-two seconds.

Harry: I have been drilling holes in the earth for thirty years. And I have never, never missed a depth that I have aimed for. And by God, I am not gonna miss this one, I will make 800 feet.

Col. Sharp: You swear on your daughter's life, on my family's, that you can hit that mark?

Harry: I will make 800 feet. I swear to God I will.

Col. Sharp: Then let's turn this bomb off.

[Rockhound is riding the bomb, a la Dr. Strangelove]

Col. Sharp: Get off...the nuclear...warhead.

Rockhound: Just wanted to feel the power between my legs, brother.

Col. Sharp: NOW! [Rockhound climbs off]

Rockhound: Hey Colonel! [Sharp turns to look at him] NO NUKES! NO NUKES! NO NUKES!

Harry: You got any bullets left in that gun?

AJ: Tell Grace that I'll, I'll always be with her. Can you do that?

Harry Stamper: Yeah. Okay, kid. [pulls AJ's air hose out and rips off his own mission badge and hands it to AJ] Give this to Truman! Make sure Truman gets that! Get in there. [pushes AJ back into the hatch and closes the door] It's my turn now.

AJ: Harry! You can't do this to me! It's my job!

Harry: You go take care of my little girl now. That's your job. I always thought of you as a son. I'd be damn proud to have you marry Grace.

AJ: Harry...

Harry: You take care of yourself. [pushes a button sending the hatch up] I love you.

AJ: No wait, Harry I love you! Harry don't do this! I love you! No wait a minute!

Harry: Bye son.

Cast

• Bruce Willis - Harry Stamper
• Billy Bob Thornton - Dan Truman
• Ben Affleck - AJ Frost
• Liv Tyler - Grace Stamper
• Will Patton - Charles 'Chick' Chapple
• Steve Buscemi - Rockhound
• William Fichtner - Colonel William Sharp
• Owen Wilson - Oscar Choi, Geologist
• Michael Clarke Duncan - Jayotis 'Bear' Kurleenbear
• Peter Stormare - Lev Andropov