Unsourced

• All I can say about life is: Oh God, enjoy it!

• I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do; and for the people who like country music, denigrate means "put down".

• Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

• This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

• Some people wonder if it isn’t unusual for an accountant to become a comedian. It’s unusual for a good accountant to become a comedian. I was a very poor accountant.

• I think it might go something like this . . .