Sourced

• The most important element of breaking into a house is a flashlight, a flashlight will keep ya' on target. You don't wanna be stummblin' around, and it will make it alot crista-crystal-cleaner and crystal like surranwrap you S.O What?, and I'll never tell you a lie 'cause we're gonna get you through this successfully and you wanna have all the stuff were givin' ya now.
  • From the CKY Documentary

• I'm gonna get to the bottom of this, and I don't give a fuck if you're at the top!
  • From Landspeed: CKY AKA CKY 1 - Why did you do that to my wife prank phonecall

• I will better the film, [Honking car horn] For the good, [Honking car horn] Of the film.
  • From Landspeed: CKY AKA CKY 1 - Car song

• "Ralph could you please sit down and behave yourself or we are going to have to throw you out. As a matter of fact Ralph can you leave right now?....Ok sit down."
  • From Brans Icelandic Gameshow

• "Sir Henry you haven't been asked a question for a while. And I'm not going to ask you one."
  • From Brans Icelandic Gameshow

• "Well that wraps up another episode, let me tell ya, balls are good and eels are delicious and I'm sitting here with two hot ass bitches, I'll see ya next week if my name is Norm."
  • From Brand Icelandic Gameshow

• "Lunch special 8.99, kids eat free.......shit."
  • From Viva La Bam

• "Well I couldn't just fly there, Ape..."

• "[Brandon farts in Bam's face, and Bam runs away.] What? do you run for fun?"
  • From Viva la Bam
  • From Viva La Bam

• "Oh it's Parked Teriffically, for PT"
  • From Viva La Bam, on Ape's PT Cruiser

• "have you ever seen a brazillian zorse?"
  • From viva la bam
• (Brandon) "I would do anything for corn." (April Margera) "Well I think corn just did something for you."
  • From Viva La Bam(when Dico farts while eating corn)

Unsourced

• What? Are you going to kill me with dental floss and a fist... THIS GUY'S A FAGGOT!
  • From the prank phonecall: I'm Gonna Fuck Your Day Up

• Woo!-De!-Woo! I came to see about you and your crew and what you guys are gonna do!
  • From Haggard: The Movie

• Fix My God Damn Ass
  • From the Shitbags skit in CKY4

• I didn't steal it cause a guy with no hair couldn't steal it possibly!
  • From Viva la Bam

• "Dang Motherfuckers with a dick 10 feet wide!"- in a song on CKY 4

• Now if you're bad, people might get out of your way, but if you got shit, ain't nobody fuckin' with ya
  • From CKY2K