Dexter (TV series) Quotations

Dexter (2006) is a television series starring Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan.

Dexter

Dexter: (as victim averts his eyes from dead bodies) Look! Or I will cut your eyelids right off your face.

Mike Donovan: Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord-

Dexter: Stop, that never helped anybody.

Donovan: I couldn't help myself. I couldn't. Please, you have to understand.

Dexter: Trust me, I definitely understand. See, I can't help myself either. But children. I could never do that. Not like you. Never. Ever. Kids.

Donovan: Why?

Dexter: I have standards.

Dexter: (voiceover) Harry was a great cop here in Miami. He taught me how to think like one; he taught me how to cover my tracks. I’m a very neat monster.

Dexter: (voiceover) People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well. That’s my burden, I guess.

Dexter: Harry and Dorris Morgan did a wonderful job raising me. But they're both dead now. I didn't kill them. Honest.

Harry Morgan: Remember this forever, you are my son, you are not alone, and you are loved.

Dexter: (voiceover) Blood. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge, other times it helps me control the chaos. The Code of Harry, my foster father, is satisfied and so am I.

Dexter: (voiceover) She's the only person in the world who loves me. I think that's nice. I don’t have feeling about anything, but if I could have feelings at all, I’d have them for Deb.

Dexter: (voiceover) There’s something strange and disarming about looking at a homicide scene in the daylight of Miami. It makes the most grotesque killings look staged, like you’re in a new and daring section of Disney World: Dahmerland!

Dexter: (Deb dressed as hooker) Geez Deb, where the hell do you keep your gun?

Dexter: (to Deb) Keep the sex suit on when you're talking to the Captain, it'll help your cause.

Dexter: (voiceover) No blood... No sticky, hot, messy, awful blood. No blood at all! Why hadn't I thought of that? No blood, what a beautiful idea.

Dexter: (voiceover) But for me sex never enters into it. I don't understand sex. Not that I have anything against women, and I certainly have an appropriate sensibility about men. But when it comes to the actual act of sex, it's always just seemed so undignified.

Police Officer: See you at the next bloodbath?

Dexter: I never miss a party.

Camilla Figg: You have a morbid sense of fun.

Dexter: That's probably true...

Dexter: (looking at an empty doughnut box, voiceover) Just like me - empty inside.

Dexter: (voiceover) The only real question I have is why in a building full of cops, all supposedly with a keen insight to the human soul, is Doakes the only one who gets the creeps from me?

James Doakes:: (to Dexter) I'm watching you, motherfucker.

Dexter: (voiceover) Needless to say I have some unusual habits, yet all these socially acceptable people can't wait to pick up hammers and publicly smash their food to bits. Normal people are so hostile.

Dexter: (voiceover) That's it. He's definitely the one. Now it's just a matter of time before he becomes a drop of blood in my glass slide collection.

Dexter: (voiceover) Animals don't like me, especially dogs. I don't think they approve of what I sometimes do to their masters. That dog recognizes me, as easily as I can recognize Jaworski.

Dexter: (voiceover) Preparation is vital. No detail can be overlooked and the ritual is intoxicating: Duct tape,rubber sheets,necessary tools for play.

Dexter: Talk to me about Jane Saunders.

Jaworski: Okay, I did her.

Dexter: How?

Jaworski: In a movie. A snuff film, but I'm not sorry.

Dexter: Of course not, and now I'm not sorry either. (Dexter swings blade for the kill)

Maria LaGuerta: So then he must have already had the head with him in the front seat. Huh, that's weird. Why would he keep it there?

Dexter: I don't know. So he could use a carpool lane?

Dexter: (voiceover about the doll parts in his freezer) I suppose I should be upset, even feel violated, but I'm not. No, in fact, I think this is a friendly message, like "Hey, wanna play?" And yes, I want to play. I really really do.

Crocodile

Dexter:: I dream. I dream I'm floating on the surface of my own life. Watching it unfold. Observing it. I'm the outsider looking in.

Dexter:: So what's up, hot shot?

Debra:: Alright, get this. Lieutenant's looking for that refrigerated truck in every swamp, glade and chop shop from here to the Keys. The way I see it, that whack-job truck driver threw a severed head at your car. It's not as if he's shy.

Dexter:: You think he's hiding the truck in plain sight, wanting it to be found?

Debra:: Why is it we never talk brother-sister stuff?

Dexter:: Our dad was a cop, you're a cop, I work for the cops... for us, this is brother-sister stuff.

Dexter:: I see their pain. On some level I even understand their pain. I just can't feel their pain.

Dexter:: Lately the thing that surprises me most about Rita is how much I like being with her. But whenever that happens with a woman, when I feel comfortable with her, it all goes wrong. That's why I think it's best to take it one step at a time.

Dexter:: I can kill a man, dismember his body, and be home in time for Letterman. But knowing what to say when my girlfriend's feeling insecure... I'm totally lost.

Dexter:: We have an elephant in the room and its name is sex.

Rita:: (laughs weakly) Tell me about it.

Dexter:: Hey, as far as I'm concerned, it can just stay in the corner and mind its own damn business.

Rita:: (softly) Easier said than done.

Dexter:: Yeah, (gently brushes her hair back), but it needs to be right, for both of us. Or, it won't be right for either of us. I don't want that, do you?

Rita:: No. (Pause) You know, (hugs Dexter tightly), I can't believe I found the one good truly decent man left on the planet.

Debra:: So, Miami is the haystack and the ice truck's the needle, right? Brother, I just found the fucking needle!

Debra:: Watching ice melt, this is fun.

Vince Masuka:: Stand a little closer, Morgan, and I'll melt your heart.

Angel Batista:: I think he's got a crush on you, Dex!

Dexter:: Huh?

Vince Masuka:: Yo, I was talking to Morgan the sister. Vince Masuoka only swings one way.

Debra:: Yeah, from vine to vine...

Maria LaGuerta:: Enough! Glad to see the sexual harassment seminar really paid off.

Dexter:: Not guilty. Matt Chambers may have found a way to beat the system, but so have I.

Dexter:: (voiceover) Happy hour. Now there's a misnomer.

Dexter:: My father taught me one thing above all others; to be sure. And I am. Matt Chambers, Miami is your last stop. If God is in the details and if I believed in God, he’s in this room with me. I just wish he had brought an extension cord.

Dexter:: My sister puts up a front so people won't know how vulnerable she really is. Me? I put up a front so people won't know how vulnerable I'm not.

Dexter:: The worst thing about finally putting together a puzzle is finding there are missing pieces. He came back and left nothing behind but a message: come find me, and I will. There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface.

Popping Cherry

Dexter: (voiceover) Most people have a hard time dealing with death, but I'm not most people. It's the grief that makes me uncomfortable. Not because I'm a killer. Really, I just don't understand all that emotion, which makes it tough to fake. In those cases, shades come in handy.

Debra: I'm real proud of you for coming bro. I know you hate funerals. How are you holding up?

Dexter: I'm managing. (voicover) No I'm not. Keeping my face pinched in sorrow for two hours is a real chore.

Dexter: (voiceover) I knew he'd be back. It feels like Christmas morning. (approaches the body in net) Look at that, a miracle on ice. Stunning.

Angel Batista: You all right, Dexter?

Dexter: This is like a dream. (confused look from Angel) Standing on the home ice of the Miami Blades?

Dexter: Do you want a hug?

Debra: Fuck off.

Dexter: (voiceover) Everyone moves to Miami to die, which means we have more junk than any city in America.

Harry Morgan: When you take a man's life, you're not just killing him. You're snuffing out all the things that he might become. As a cop, I only fire my weapon to save a life--that's a code I live by. Killing must serve a purpose. Otherwise, it's just plain murder.

Dexter: (voiceover) Lucky. I am lucky. What do I know about abuse? Without the Code of Harry, I'm sure I would have committed a senseless murder in my youth. Just to watch the blood flow.

Dexter: (voiceover) If I had a heart, it would probably be breaking right now.

Dexter: (while holding Jeremy down) Look I don't want to cancel all my credit cards and I hate waiting in line at the DMV, so give me back the wallet you stole from my car or I'll break your fucking neck!

Dexter: Harry taught me that death isn't the end. It's the beginning of a chain reaction that will catch you if you're not careful. He taught me that none of us are who we appear to be on the outside. But we must maintain appearances to survive. But there was something Harry didn't teach me. Something he didn't know, couldn't possibly know. The willful taking of life represents the ultimate disconnect from humanity. It leaves you an outsider, forever looking in, searching for company to keep.

Let's Give The Boy A Hand

Dexter: Human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport.

(examining a severed hand on a beach chair)

Dexter: Interesting hand job.

Angel Batista: (chuckles) That's funny.

Dexter: (looking confused) It is?

Harry Morgan:: Being part of a family means smiling for photos.

Young Dexter:: Why should I pretend to be happy?

Dexter: I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask... not just me. People think it's fun to pretend you're a monster. Me, I spend my life pretending I'm not. Brother, friend, boyfriend - all part of my costume collection. Some people might call me a fraud. Let's see if it will fit. I prefer to think of myself as a master of disguise.

Harry Morgan: A bully is a felony waiting to happen.

Harry Morgan: It's great to see you're having such a good time, Dex.

Teenage Dexter: You kidding me? This hay is giving me a total allergy attack. We're just going in circles around a pumpkin patch. I don't get it.

Dexter:: Everyone hides who they are at least some of their time. Sometimes you bury that part of yourself so deeply that you have to be reminded it's there at all. And sometimes you just want to forget who you are all together.

(looking at Angel's anniversary present)

Dexter: "Ox?"

Angel Batista: No. Fuck! What's the matter with you? It's X's and O's.

Dexter: Like tic-tac-toe?

Angel Batista: Like hugs and kisses! Diamond-filled hugs and kisses in a white gold setting.

Dexter: Well, that's good, because you wouldn't want it to look like someone's playing tic-tac-toe on her head.

Dexter: Harry was the only one who saw me, really saw me. So he taught me to hide and that's what's kept me safe. But sometimes I'm not sure where Harry's vision of me ends and where the real me starts. If I'm just a collection of learned behaviors, bits and pieces of Harry, maybe my new friend is right. Maybe I am a fraud.

Dexter:: (voiceover) I'm not the monster he wants me to be. So I'm neither man nor beast. I'm something new entirely. With my own set of rules. I'm Dexter. Boo.

Love American Style

(Dexter is staring off into space at a crime scene)

Dexter: (voiceover) I like to pretend I'm alone. Completely alone. Maybe post-apocalypse or plague... Whatever. No-one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It would be... freeing.

James Doakes:: Stop grinning like a fucking psycho and get back to work!

Vince Masuka: Hey Dexter, you get all this blood on camera yet?

Dexter: It's like shooting a Jackson Pollock.

Officer Gerard: Freedom's just another word for one more way to get fucked.

Mindy: So, are you going to go to the spring formal?

Teenage Dexter: Why would I want to do that?

(hurt, Mindy leaves)

Harry Morgan: She wanted you to ask her to the dance, Dexter.

Teenage Dexter: That's not what she said.

Harry Morgan: Well, you have to learn their signals.

Teenage Dexter: Yeah, well, I don't really care about girls.

Harry Morgan: Oh.

Teenage Dexter: I just like being alone.

Harry Morgan: But most normal people don't, and it's important that you seem normal.

Teenage Dexter: Even though I'm not.

Harry Morgan: Because you're not.

(packing supplies for a kill)

Dexter: (voiceover) "Be prepared"--that's my motto. The Boy Scouts and I have that in common. Of course, there's no merit badge for tonight's outing,

Dexter: (voiceover) My favorite serial killer is a lozenge eater. How human of him.

Return to Sender

Dexter: (voiceover) I don't get birthdays--the party, the song. Celebrating another year of just being alive feels forced.

(examining the body of one of Dexter's victims, Valerie Castillo)

Vince Masuka: If she was killed here, which I doubt, whoever did it was a real pro.

Dexter: (voiceover) Under normal circumstances, I'd take that as a compliment.

Harry Morgan: Keeping the truth from the people closest to you is how you'll survive, and how you'll protect them if anything goes wrong.

(discussing Valerie Castillo)

Vince Masuka: That mark on her neck kept bugging me, so I ordered up a tox screen.

Dexter: (voiceover) That's it. No more doughnuts for Masuka.

Angel Batista: (about Valerie Castillo) Sounds like she got exactly she had coming to her. Personally, I'd shake this guy's hand.

Dexter: (voiceover) Yeah, you say that now.

Dexter: (voiceover) Nothing lasts forever. Just ask a Ford Pinto. Eventually, most serial killers get caught. There's really not much of a retirement plan.

Doakes' Sister: First words out of my baby brother's mouth were, "Got milk, motherfucker?"

Debra: The guy's missing body parts because of this Ice-Truck Killer asshole, and he's still hitting on me!

Doakes' Mother: That's because men only think with one body part, and that one was not cut off.

Dexter: Rita will be devastated if I'm arrested. Her husband was a crack-head and her boyfriend's a serial killer. It's kinda hard not to take that personally.

Dexter: I was wrong about birthdays. Maybe the reason to celebrate them is what they offer--the hope of living to see another one.

Circle of Friends

Dexter: The FBI estimates that there are less that 50 serial killers active in the United States today. We don't get together at conventions, share trade secrets, or exchange Christmas cards...but sometimes I wonder what it's like for the others.

Dexter: When'd you first notice it? This darkness inside the guy you fell for?

Rita: Well, I always knew it was there. I guess I just didn't think I deserved better--until I met you.

(long pause)

Dexter: I have a dark side, too. (Rita laughs) What? I do.

Rita: Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. You're not like Paul; you don't hurt people.

Dexter: (another pause)Innocent people. I don't hurt innocent people.

Dexter: The Ice-Truck Killer drains the blood from his victims, freezes the bodies, and only then severs their limbs. It's clean and efficient, that's his psychological signature. Neil Perry on the other hand stuffs roadkill.

Debra: Yeah! And turns 'em into fucked up fantasy shit.

Dexter: But the fantasies are all wrong! The guy we're looking for wouldn't turn dead dirty things into living cartoons, he'd find that pathetic.

Debra: How do you know?

Dexter: (pause) Because it is pathetic.

Dexter: (voiceover about Neil Perry) Actually it sounds perfectly awful. For weeks I felt like a student at a master class. Is it really possible that the master's on the run? Or even more tragic, that he lives in a double-wide?

Dexter: (voiceover about Paul) He might be a crack-addled, wife-abusing yahoo, but he refuses to abandon his kids. I'm not sure that's a good thing.

Rita: (about Paul) Fucking bastard!

Dexter: Only you could make those words cute.

Dexter: You killed again. I told you, I warned you. Don't kill anyone who doesn't deserve to die. Why did you do it?

Jeremy Downs: To feel something different.

Dexter: Different than what? What do you normally feel?

Jeremy Downs: Nothing. Fucking nothing at all. I hate every fucking goddamn second of it. I can't stand it--living my life in my head.

Dexter: Does killing make it better?

Jeremy Downs: No. Worse. Fucking worse than ever.

Dexter: I'm a lot like you, you know.

Jeremy Downs: (scoffs) Yeah, right. You're a killer?

Dexter: (gives him a look) I'm empty. But I found a way to make it feel less...bottomless.

Jeremy Downs: How?

Dexter: Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the world, for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be.

Shrink Wrap

Dexter: (at a crime scene) What are we looking at here?

Angel Batista: I'm thinking two circus clowns dancing. You?

Dexter: Nah, looks like a lobster. See the claws?

Angel Batista: Why do bloodstains always look like crustaceans to you?

Dexter: I like seafood.

Angel Batista: Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others.

Dexter: (voiceover) The three suicide sisters shared the same therapist, Dr. Emmett Meridian. He must be terrible at his job.

Scott Solomon: Meridian? Best thing that's ever happened to me...so far. How about you? You finding him helpful?

Dexter: I'm a sociopath; there's not much he can do for me.

Scott Solomon: Cute and funny. Let me guess, taken?

Dexter: Girlfriend.

Scott Solomon:Lucky girl.

Dexter: (voiceover) My therapist wants me to accept the things that are out of my hands. Tragically for him, he's not out of my hands.

Dexter: (voiceover) I can't have sex with Rita. Every time I sleep with a woman, she sees me for what I really am. Empty. Then she's gone. But I don't want Rita to go, which means I have to deal with this. (pause) I can't kill Meridian yet--I need another therapy session.

Dexter: I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone before.

Dr. Emmett Meridian: Okay.

Dexter: I'm a serial killer. (pause) Oh God. That feels...so amazing to say out loud.

Dr. Emmett Meridian: Well, you must be letting go, 'cause I've never heard you make a joke before.

Dexter: I'm not joking; I kill people. Whoo. There it is again. (pause) You should try it.

Dexter: (while sedating Dr. Emmett Meridian) Not so fast, Doc.

Dexter: (to Dr. Emmett Meridian in the kill room) You're awake. Shall we analyze your dreams?

Father Knows Best

Dexter: I know the truth, because Harry always told me the truth. He had to, he was teaching me principles. A Code. He knew what I would become without it.

Seeing Red

Debra: (eating cake) Hey you want some? It's Kirk Wylocks' cake.

James Doakes: I had some, at Kirk's birthday. 10 days ago. See, if you have lunch everyday with your boyfriend, you miss a thing or two around here.

Debra: Cake's still good; it's mocha, I think.

James Doakes: It started out vanilla.

James Doakes: Morgan, get your ass over here.

Dexter: Ass on route.

(examining a jar of blood received in the mail)

Assistant: Maybe you should open it

Dexter: What if there's an airborne toxin in here waiting to be released?

Assistant: I've got to wash my hands. (rushes past)

Dexter: So gullible.

Dexter: Marina View Hotel. It's a key. Maybe some sort of promotional gag--stay the weekend, get a free jar of blood.

Dexter: My sister's right, I don't share my problems with her. Or with anybody. Harry taught me that. Secrecy, self-reliance...and a well-stocked cupboard of Hefty bags.

Rudy: I mean, Deb's hot and all, but sprinkle in a little conversation once in a while, you know?

Dexter: Well, she's my sister. I don't know.

(after stuffing Paul into the trunk of his car)

Rita: Where were you?

Dexter: Taking out the trash.

Dexter: So this is doom. I've been the architect of so much of it, it's only fair that I should know what the fuss is all about. He left me this room for a reason. Five women gave their blood, their lives for this moment. There's only one way to find out why.

Truth Be Told

Dexter: I've never had much use for the concept of Hell, but if Hell exists, I'm in it. The same images running through my head over and over. I was there. I saw my mother's death. A buried memory forgotten all these years. It climbed inside me that day, and it's been with me every since. My Dark Passenger.

Doakes: You just found out that somebody who's supposed to be your friend is going to live. Does that make you feel anything? Anything at all? (grabbing Dexter's shoulder)

Dexter: Take your fucking hand off me.

Doakes: Just what I always thought.

Rudy/Brian: (while gift-wrapping dismembered parts) Deck the halls with parts of bodies, fa la la la la, la la la la.

(finding the article of the massacre)

Dexter: No wonder I felt so disconnected my entire life. If I did have emotions, I'd have to feel this.

Dexter: (voiceover) Thinking Rudy attacked Batista doesn't make any sense. He's a loving boyfriend, he spends his life helping people in need. He brought me steaks. (lock-picking attempt thwarted) Now that's just rude. Why would loving and helpful Rudy need an industrial-grade lock? And a security camera?

(digging through Rudy's trash)

Dexter: (voiceover) At times like this, I wish the truth was more easily accessible and less...ripe.

Rudy/Brian: Debra Morgan, will you marry me?

Debra: I knew it, I fucking knew it!

Rudy/Brian: Is that your version of a yes?

Rudy/Brian: You know the one thing I've been dying to ask you? How did you not know who I was? You're a cop.

Debra: This isn't funny.

Rudy/Brian: I think a real cop would at least have a sense she was in the presence of the person she was hunting.

Born Free

Dexter: I've lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see.

Debra: (sobbing) This isn't you.

Rudy/Brian: Pretty sure it is.

Debra: No, no there's more. I've seen it.

Rudy/Brian: I never wanted to hurt you.

Debra: I know. I know.

Rudy/Brian: (pause) Does this make it easier for you? Because I can keep going.

Dexter: (breaking into shipping yard, voiceover) No cameras, no patrols, no dogs. With billions spent on homeland security, it can't be easy as a couple of snips. (cuts padlocked chain and walks in) So much for the War on Terror.

Dexter: (voiceover) Finding a needle in a haystack isn't hard when every straw is computerized.

Dexter: (at the shipping yard, voiceover) I don't like this place. Something nameless was born here, something that lives in the deepest darkest hole of the thing called Dexter.

Rudy/Brian: I just wanted to have a beer with you before we got started. Made that kind of difficult.

Dexter: Sorry.

Rudy/Brian: You don't ever have to apologize to me Dexter. Not for who you are, or anything you do.

Rudy/Brian: Looks just like it used to, doesn't it?

Dexter: Who does it belong to?

Rudy/Brian: Me. I got it for you, actually.

Dexter: I'm really more an apartment person.

Rudy/Brian: Your victims. Are they all killers?

Dexter: Yes.

Rudy/Brian: Harry teach you that?

Dexter: He taught me a code. To survive.

Rudy/Brian: Like an... absurd avenger?

Dexter: That's not why I kill.

Rudy/Brian: You can be yourself around me. Who. Am. I?

Dexter: A killer. Without reason or regret. Free.

Rudy/Brian: You can be that way too.

Dexter: But the code...

Rudy/Brian: (laughs) Dex! You don't have a code. Harry did. Now he's been dead ten years. You can't keep- keep him sitting on your shoulder like Jiminy Fucking Cricket! You need to embrace who you are now.

Dexter: I don't know who I am.

Rudy/Brian: Course you don't. You've been away from your family since you were three. But I'm here now. I can help you. We can take this journey together.

Dexter: I can't. Not Deb...

Rudy/Brian: No- no, don't say that.

Dexter: I'm very... fond of her.

Rudy/Brian: You can't be a killer and a hero. It doesn't work that way!

Rita: Deb must be a mess. I mean falling for a serial killer?

Dexter: What are the odds?

Rita: You might even find I can handle the truth.

Dexter: (voiceover) I wish that was the case.

Dexter: (voiceover) Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for everything inside me that’s denied and unknown to be revealed. But I’ll never know. I live my life in hiding. My survival depends on it.

It's Alive!

Dexter: Tonight's the night. And it's going to happen again, and again. Has to happen. It's not what I want. But what I want doesn't matter. This is the only way I know how to survive. I'm coiled and ready to strike.

[Dexter bowls.]

Dexter: Although a spare will do.

Masuka: Keep your mind limber.

Dexter: I'm doing mental jumping jacks.

Dexter: I'm on edge. Thirty-eight days, sixteen hours, and twelve minutes have passed since I killed my brother. In that entire time, I haven't had a single night to myself. Sergeant Doakes makes sure of that. He follows me everywhere now. A human bloodhound incited by the scent of darkness. My best hope of losing him is to act relentlessly normal. Dull. So I bowl. What's really disturbing is that I'm good at it.

Dexter: [thoughts] With Doakes following me, my life has been all Jekyll and no Hyde. No moonlit playdates. No late night social calls. Not one. My brother would be so disappointed.

Angel: Don't forget! Tell the universe what you really need!

Dexter: [thoughts] I really need... to kill somebody.

Dexter: I come here to dump bodies, not beer bottles. Now I'm just a litter bug.

Dexter: Maybe I took pity on him. Yeah, he's a killer, but he also bumps into walls.

Dexter: Hey, Sergeant. Thanks for supporting the bowling team.

Doakes: Fuck you.

Doakes: So, titty site?

Dexter: Oops. You caught me.

Doakes: Bull shit. What were you really doing in here?

Dexter: [pointing to the laptop screen] The tits are right there.

Doakes: Yeah. But in ten years, you've never rented a single porn title.

[Deciding on who gets to inspect the body.]

Masuka: Alright, call it - heads or tails?

Dexter: Heads.

[Dexter goes to see the body.]

Masuka: I didn't flip yet!

Dexter: You said call it.

[Dexter stands in some blood.]

Doakes: You're supposed to preserve the crime scene, asshole.

[A hysterical woman runs onto the crime scene and is soon escorted away.]

Doakes: Can we please secure this motherfucking crime scene!?

Dexter: That girl's gonna need more than crayons to set her world right. Killing Little Chino would restore my world, too. But only if the Code of Harry is satisfied.

Dexter: You've been benched?

Debra: Yeah, LaGuerta's just jealous that the Ice Truck Killer fucked me instead of her.

Dexter: Wow.

Dexter: With a witness, Little Chino will never reach my "cutting court room".

Masuka: I heard we captured Bigfoot.

Dexter: Behold, the eighth wonder of the world.

[Dexter puts on a video of Little Chino.]

Doakes: Am I speaking clearly?

Little Chino: Ha, ha. Yeah.

Doakes: Then answer my fucking question, Chino.

[Dexter packs away several killing tools while on the phone to Rita.]

Dexter: I need your help. I know how much you were looking forward to going out tonight, but I think Deb could use me more.

Rita: Dexter, this... isn't about this morning, is it?

Dexter: No, no! I swear! This is about Deb. She had her first day at work today and LaGuerta was kind of rough on her.

[Debra knocks on the door.]

Debra: Dexter, unlock the door.

Dexter: [to Rita] Hold on. [to Debra] Hold on!

Debra: Dexter, come on! Dexter, open the fucking door!

Dexter: [to Rita] See, she's yelling at me now. Look, I'm no expert, but I think Deb could use some girl time tonight.

Rita: Well, I won't lie. I'm a little disappointed. But, I know your heart's in the right place.

[Dexter puts a butcher's knife in a bag.]

Dexter: Absolutely.

Dexter: Tonight's the night. Really.

[Dexter walks over to Doakes, who is in a car.]

Dexter: Hey there! I'm gonna work on my release tonight. Practice, practice, practice. Lane's open till midnight. You wanna join me?

Doakes: Fuck it.

[Doakes drives away.]

Dexter: Some gangs earn teardrops of blood by killing. I understand - we all need our keepsakes. One man's tattoos are another man's blood slides.

[Little Chino escapes from Dexter.]

Dexter: Thirty-nine days, twenty-two hours and eighteen minutes since I killed my brother. I am cursed.

Dexter: [to Debra] Are you alright? Rita said you got into a bar brawl tonight.

Waiting to Exhale

Dexter: I'm drifting. I finally get a chance to kill and I can't do it. I get a second chance and he gets away. And now all my secrets are floating to the surface. Where is the orderly controlled effective Dexter? Where did I lose him? How do I find him again? I'm drifting. But not to sleep.

Masuka: Eight confirmed.

Dexter: Eight confirmed? Here?

Angel: No. Here is just one.

Masuka: We're talking eight confirmed victims of the Bay Harbor Butcher.

Dexter: The Bay Harbor... Butcher?

Masuka: That's what the press is calling whoever dumped those bodies off shore. Has a nice ring to it, no?

Dexter: Well, it's a little... lurid.

Angel: Lurid and possibly wrong. Part of me's hoping they found the Ice Truck Killer's dumping ground.

Dexter: Tell me about it. Last thing Miami needs is another serial killer.

[About a dead body.]

Angel: First she's a messenger-

Doakes: Now she's a god damn message.

[Dexter stares at the dead body.]

Doakes: Why don't you take a picture, Morgan? It'll last longer.

Dexter: What would I do without you, Sergeant?

Dexter: I have to focus. Tune everything out. If I don't, being linked to my beautiful bodies of work will be the least of my worries.

[Dexter was about to hit Doakes with a torch.]

Doakes: Go ahead. Try it. I've been waiting.

Dexter: This neighbourhood? [shines the torch on himself] It's full of crazies. I'd lock my doors.

Debra: Bathroom's all yours.

Dexter: Eh. Kind of always was.

Dexter: I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister.

Rita: [on the phone] No, no. Calm is what I was thirty minutes ago. Pissed is what I am now.

Doakes: Any idea who the FBI's sending?

Angel: Some guy named Lundy.

Doakes: Frank Lundy? He's a rock star. The Green River Killer; the DC Sniper; the case was impossible - he broke it.

LaGuerta: Now, James, you should do whatever you can to get on Lundy's task force. It's a career maker.

Angel: Hey. Just visualise that door of opportunity just opening up wide for you, and just... walk right through it.

Doakes: Angel, you keep up with this woo-woo shit, I'ma walk right through you.

Dexter: Red rover, red rover, send Chino back over.

Masuka: I bet you this guy never expected his work to see the light of day.

Dexter: I bet you're right.

Dexter: Still, it can't be easy to hide a body nowadays.

Masuka: Are you shitting me?

Dexter: Hypothetical. You're the Bay Harbor Butcher. How do you make sure that disposed bodies stay disposed?

Masuka: Tons of options. Everglades. Alligators. Pig farms. Sulphuric acid. Woodchipper. Incinerator. Hell, even meat pies.

Lundy: Hello everyone. There is no such thing as the perfect crime. Not in my experience, anyway.

Lundy: So, let's get a jump start on the Bay Harbor Butcher. A moniker which, by the way, repulses me.

Dexter: [thoughts] Well, we have something in common.

[Images of dismembered body parts are shown.]

Lundy: First report from the field had these parts as coming from one body.

Dexter: [thoughts] Actually, it's two.

Lundy: Actually, it's two.

Dexter: [thoughts] Uh-oh.

Lundy: There's been speculation that this human harvest is connected to a case we recently solved. But there are several inconsistencies between the two sets of body parts. Gender. Exhanguination. Specific methods of dissection.

Dexter: [thoughts] Not to mention my guys deserved it.

Dexter: I can't afford to lose it. Not with Special Agent Rock Star on my case.

[Officer gives Dexter a tranquilizer gun.]

Officers: Some 'gators giving you trouble, Dex?

Dexter: They, uh, they ate my puppy.

Dexter: Come on, don't get the shakes now. This is no time for performance anxiety.

Angel: You want me to knock on some doors?

Doakes: Or maybe some heads?

[Debra nearly trips over a suitcase.]

Debra: What fucking asshole left this here!?

Lundy: It's Special Agent Fucking Asshole. Morgan, right?

Doakes: Excuse me, sir, do you have a minute?

Lundy: Or three. Good tea takes time.

Dexter: I feel like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece. And I'm not even sure what the picture should be.

[Angel knocks on a door.]

Angel: Miami Metro. May we talk to you?

Woman: Go to Hell!

Angel: Okay. But, before we do that, ma'am, can I ask you a few questions?

Woman: How many is a few?

Debra: Uh, three. But one's a two-parter.

Woman: Go away before I call the police!

Debra: We are the fucking police!

Woman: I ain't talking to no-one with language like that!

Angel: Let's look at the bright side.

Debra: What bright side?

Angel: Karmically, we're batting a thousand. There's something balancing about that kind of consistency.

[Dexter enters a church.]

Dexter: If I believed in God, if I believe in sin, this is the place where I'd be sucked straight to Hell. If I believed in Hell.

Priest: I'm sorry for your loss.

Dexter: Thank you, father.

Brian: I'm not sorry.

Dexter: You're still here.

Brian: Never left.

Dexter: Yeah, you did. I killed you.

Brian: No. You just took my life.

Dexter: So, how do I make you go away?

Brian: Hmm. Well, you could try doing what these people are doing.

Dexter: I'm not like them.

Brian: Well, if it helps, I can tell you that it's not your fault. What you did to me.

Dexter: I never said it was.

Brian: But you feel it.

Dexter: How do you know that?

Brian: It's human nature.

Dexter: I'm not human.

Brian: No. You're just fucked up.

Dexter: I need to let you go.

Brian: You think it's as simple as that?

Dexter: Nothing's simple.

Dexter: [on the phone] Hey, Deb. It's me. Again. I'm sure you're at the gym. Again.

[Pushing Little Chino's body on a cart.]

Dexter: It was simple really. All I had to do was put myself into the mind of a killer. Hardly a stretch.

Little Chino: What the fuck are you?

Dexter: Well, that kind of talk is gonna bring you closer to your victims.

Little Chino: Why are you doing this to me?

Dexter: I'm not so much as doing it to you, as I'm doing it for me.

Little Chino: You kill me... what do you leave behind?

Dexter: A world without you.

[Dexter holds a knife above Little Chino.]

Dexter: Look at that - steady as a surgeon.

[Dexter gets ready to throw Little Chino's body into the ocean when he gets a phone call.]

Rita: I need to see you.

Dexter: Err, I was about to drop somebody off. Can it wait?

Dexter: [to Rita] A shoe? You wanted to see me about a shoe?

Rita: Are you an addict?

Dexter: Yes. I have an addiction.

Debra: I saw some buildings with "for rent" signs. I'm gonna check 'em out. Then chez Dexter can return to its original, museum-like quality state.

Dexter: Deb, you don't need to do this.

Debra: Yes, I do.

Dexter: You don't need to do this now.

Debra: Well, what about the video tours of eligible apartments?

Dexter: Temporary insanity.

Debra: You sure?

Dexter: No. Get out.

An Inconvenient Lie

Addict: I don't need them for the pain anymore. I just... need them.

Dexter: [thoughts] And I need duct tape. Three or four rolls. Running low on heavy duty trash bags. When's the last time I sharpened my knives?

Dexter: No self control, lost everything, trying to stop; same whiny story over and over for...

[Dexter checks his watch.]

Dexter: Ten minutes? Feels like ten hours.

Addict: I'd kill for a Vicodin.

Dexter: [thoughts] Lightweight.

Dexter: Hold the elevator!

[Dexter gets his arm into the elevator doors as they close. The elevator opens and he enters. Doakes is in there.]

Dexter: Thanks.

Doakes: Nice dodge last night, flowing it through that yellow light.

Dexter: Oh. Were you behind me?

Doakes: See you tonight.

Masuka: The boss's watermelons look bigger on TV.

LaGuerta: The operative word is "boss" - show some respect.

Masuka: I thought I was.

Lundy: I like food.

Dexter: I go to stalk a killer, and I end up with a new car. How'd that happen?

LaGuerta: New car?

Dexter: Yeah.

LaGuerta: You get married?

Dexter: Not that I know of.

Masuka: Who's your daddy?

Dexter: ... Uh, Harry Morgan?

Masuka: Say it.

Dexter: ... You're my daddy?

Masuka: Sounds weird when you say it.

Lila: Coffee sucks. As does the donuts. It's better next door. Come on.

Lila: So tell me. Exactly how full of shit are you?

Dexter: I'm not full of anything.

Lila: It was a nice performance in there. Where did you download it from? Addict.com?

Dexter: I have no reason to lie.

Lila: Sure you do. We all do.

Dexter: You thought I was lying?

Lila: I dunno. Bob.

Dexter: Well, it is anonymous.

Lila: Everyone in that room has heard, or lived, far worse than anything you've ever done.

Dexter: I doubt it.

Lila: Oh! So you're Super Junkie.

Dexter: I don't mean to imply that what you've been through hasn't been difficult.

Lila: But there's no way that I could know what you've experienced, right? I couldn't possibly feel that need. Like a thousand hiding voices whispering "this is who you are". And you fight the pressure. The growing need rising like a wave. Prickling and teasing and prodding to be fed. But the whispering gets louder, until they're screaming "now!" And it's the only voice you hear. The only voice you want to hear. And you belong to it. To this... shadow self. To this...

Dexter: Dark Passenger.

Lila: Yes. The Dark Passenger.

Rita: Hey, you just missed story time.

Dexter: I was at a meeting. It made me realize something important.

Rita: What's that?

Dexter: Those meetings are not a good place for me. I know how this sounds, but, I can do this on my own.

Rita: Dexter, you need this program!

Dexter: I've read studies. People are ten times as likely to change on their own as they are with the help of doctors or programs.

Rita: So, you're quoting studies? Look, I lived this. I watched Paul try and fail with white knuckle sobriety.

Dexter: I'm not Paul. I'm not any of those people. Going to those meetings will do more harm than good, I swear to you. I'm better off alone.

Dexter: Two women are dead, the killer is selling mini-vans, and I have an opportunity to prove it. Even if I am laying low. Having a victim prepped and ready will take the edge off the weight. I hope.

Dexter: DNA, DNA, come out and play.

Woman: Uh oh. Roger's got you in the box. Once you're in the box, you don't leave without a deal.

Dexter: ... Uh oh.

Woman: Don't worry, you're safe with Roger. He's the best. I'm just dropping off this "thank you" note.

Dexter: I was just leaving.

Woman: He sent you across the street, didn't he?

Dexter: Cross the street?

Woman: It's okay, he told me not to tell anyone either. Yeah, I don't know how he makes a living sending his commissions to other dealers.

Dexter: Maybe he has ulterior motives.

Woman: Or maybe he knows I can't afford his price.

Dexter: After he ran a credit check?

Woman: TRW doesn't lie.

Dexter: So, you're single?

Woman: [awkwardly] Yeah.

Dexter: Makes it tougher to afford those big ticket items like cars and houses. You rent an apartment?

Woman: A house. Yeah, I hate sharing walls. You can hear everything.

Dexter: Tell me about it. No pets though, right?

Woman: Is this a come on? 'Cause it's a little weird.

Dexter: Must be why I'm still single.

Dexter: Roger's DNA matches the semen found at both crime scenes. Irrefutable. If I do nothing, then another woman dies. Is that my long, dormant conscience talking, or the Dark Passenger whispering?

Debra: It's been twenty-four hours since I asked to be replaced.

Lundy: ... Has it?

Debra: What's taking so long? Every cop on the damn force wants in on this case. Just take your pick.

Lundy: I've been wondering about that, actually. Everyone wants on but, you want off.

Debra: I told you. I have cases.

Lundy: I don't think so.

Debra: Fucks sake. Jesus, I don't wanna be on your task force, alright?

Lundy: Why?

Debra: Because I'm the last person in the world that should be on it. You want me to find a serial killer? I was engaged to one, for Christ sake. What kind of cop- what kind of-

Lundy: That's why I chose you, you know. Because of what you went through. You survived. I don't know how. I can't begin to imagine the strength it took. Continues to take. More than that, you got a first hand look into the mind and heart of a killer. And you're still here. If you can accept that - really accept it - you could use it. Mix that with some of your strength and you can catch someone even worse than the Ice Truck Killer. But you have to stop running. Finish today's interviews. And if you still want out, you got it.

Masuka: Lead fucking investigator. Translation - everyone's bitch. I do have a life, you know.

Dexter: You do?

Masuka: The fucking Bay Habour Butcher is butchering up my own social life.

[Masuka leaves the room.]

Dexter: Sorry.

[Dexter walks out the police station.]

Doakes: Mini-van's that way.

Dexter: Field morgue's this way.

Doakes: I'll wait.

Dexter: You should take the night off, Sergeant.

Doakes: On pizza night? No way.

Doakes: What does that girlfriend of yours see in a freak show like you anyway?

Dexter: You'll have to ask her.

Doakes: Maybe I will.

Dexter: Doakes thinks he knows my secrets. But he only needs to look at this - my body of work - to know the real me.

Lundy: Suit up if you're gonna touch it.

Dexter: Oh! No, I'm just dropping off some x-rays. I'm Dexter Morgan?

Lundy: I know who you are.

Dexter: Are you hoping they'll talk to you?

Lundy: The one's with heads anyway. They always speak, eventually. Just gotta ask the right question.

Dexter: Which is?

Lundy: Why were they chosen?

Dexter: You looking for a pattern?

Lundy: One doesn't kill this many people in this careful, methodical way without a reason. Some... twisted set of principles.

Dexter: They would have to be twisted, wouldn't they?

Lundy: The worst killers in history are usually the one's who think the murders were somehow... just. Even deserved. Leaders have slaughtered whole populations for the same warped reason.

Dexter: But there's never any justification for killing.

Lundy: No. Well, one, of course. To save an innocent life.

Dexter: To save an innocent life.

Dexter: How many more bodies would there have been had I not got to those killers? I didn't want to save lives, but save lives I did. Motivation aside, I think Harry and Lundy would agree on this one.

Dexter: Roger the Artful Dodger.

Roger: Jesus! You scared me, bro.

Dexter: We have some unfinished business.

Roger: Oh, yeah, right, the warranty and stuff. Listen, uh, I can't write you up right now, I've got the wife waiting for me.

Dexter: You're not married.

Roger: Ex-wife. I gotta take the kids.

Dexter: You don't have kids.

Roger: Step-kids. They're her's.

Dexter: Nope.

Roger: Okay, how about this one - I don't give a shit.

[Dexter starts choking Roger.]

Dexter: Neither do I.

[Dexter throws Roger into the back of the mini-van.]

Dexter: You were right about the ample cargo space.

Roger: Where am I?

Dexter: Looks different under plastic, but you spent an evening here with Anne Cowen. You took her last breath from her right over there, you remember?

Roger: No. Y- you're wrong. I wouldn't!

Dexter: No, you would. And you did. And you were about to do it again; that's why we're here.

Roger: No, this is crazy. You got the wrong guy. I- I sell cars for God's sake! I'd never hurt anyone in my life - definitely not a woman!

Dexter: ... Why can't I do that?

Roger: Do what?

Dexter: Lie like that! I thought I was good, but you? It's... mwah.

Roger: I don't lie!

Dexter: Okay, that one was weak.

Roger: Kay, look. Pick any car on the lot. It's yours. T-bird, town car, you name it. Y- yours. Free. I'll call it in right now.

Dexter: Lots closed.

Roger: I'll have them open it up. I'm the manager. They do what I say.

Dexter: The manager's name is Rick Buxton!

Roger: Well, yeah, but I've been there longer than he has.

Dexter: You've been there three months!

Roger: At the other lot.

Dexter: Ha, ha! It's like watching someone ski moguls. You just hop from one lie to the next. No shame, no embarassment. You just don't give a shit. That's the key, right? Not to care about anyone or anything.

Roger: I care. I care a lot.

Dexter: No, it was a compliment. I don't care either.

Roger: Yes, you do. Like about your wife.

Dexter: Not married.

Roger: Girlfriend, then. Saw it the minute you walked on the lot.

Dexter: What did you see? Tell me.

Roger: Look, most guys your age, they'd beeline right for the horse power, or something. Flashy, sexy. But you. You're there all alone, no-one there to nag you, and you don't even glance at the coups. The only thing you look at is the mini-van. Like you can see her in the passenger's seat, and the kids in the back.

Dexter: Leave the kids out.

Roger: See? You're lying to yourself if you think you don't care.

Dexter: She's just a companion, really. Started that way, anyway. Someone who... look good. Normal.

Roger: They worm their way in.

Dexter: Yeah, they do. And they shut you out.

Roger: ... That's what this is about? That she shut you out? Oh! Man, okay, I get it. I've been there. But you can't let her get to you like this, cause- cause they're all the same! Fucking bitches! You do everything for them, and then they fuck you! She's not worth it, alright? You're better off without that cunt!

Dexter: [enraged] Don't!

[Dexter slams his knife into Roger's chest.]

Dexter: Talk that way about my girlfriend!

Dexter: I'm Dexter, and I'm not sure what I am.

Everyone: Hi, Dexter.

Dexter: I just know there's something dark in me. I hide it. Certainly don't talk about it. But, it's there. Always. This... Dark Passenger. How when he's driving, I feel... alive. Half-sick with the thrill, complete wrongness. I don't fight him. I don't want to. He's all I've got. Nothing else could love me, not even... especially not me. Or is that just a lie the Dark Passenger tells me? Because, lately, there are these moments that I feel connected to something else. Someone. It's like... the mask is slipping, and things, people, that never mattered before, are suddenly starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me.

Doakes: I knew there was something wrong with you. The secrets, the sneaking around. Now it all makes sense. Lot of cops have been where you are. The booze, the drugs. Makes the job go down easier. Stay clean, and stay out of my way, and we won't have a problem.

[Doakes starts leaving.]

Doakes: Oh, and you owe me a new Michelin, you motherfucker.

See-Through

[Cody has had a nightmare]

Dexter: What was it, the big scary ghost or the alligator?

Cody: No. The Bay Harbor Butcher.

Rita: Oh, honey.

Dexter: He would never hurt you. But I'll let you in on a secret. My sister Debra, who is a secret police agent ninja warrior said he only kills bad people. And you're not a bad person, are you?

Cody: No.

Dexter: Then you're quite safe.

Rita: (talking about the "Bay Harbor Butcher") It makes me so angry that there's some monster out there scaring my son.

Dexter: (uncomfortable) I gotta go to work.

Rita: You know, I hope they catch him today. And I'm not a violent person, but I hope they'll hurt him. Have a good day. (kisses Dexter goodbye)

Dexter: (voiceover) Make up your mind.

Dexter: (voiceover) In our most paranoid moments, we fear that everyone is talking about us. That's become my reality.

Dexter: (voiceover) I refuse to believe that Vince Masuka is the man who single-handedly brings me down. I also know denial is the first stage of the grieving process for those who learn they're going to die.

[Dexter looks at several of Lila's art projects.]

Dexter: Why are they eating each other?

Lila: Dunno. Ask them.

Lila: Do you like the heat?

Dexter: Um, not really. I'm partial to air conditioning.

Lila: Ah, I love it. Makes me feel like the whole world could explode at any moment.

Dexter: That's a pleasant thought.

Lila: So, if you're perfectly clean, why'd you call?

Dexter: I'm under a lot of... pressure. At work. I was hoping you could maybe give me some quick tips on how to deal with the urges.

Lila: [amused] There are no quick tips.

Dexter: Oh. I see.

[Lila steals a wind chime.]

Dexter: I thought we were gonna get art supplies.

Lila: That's what we're doing. I work with found art.

Dexter: More like stolen art.

Dexter: Is that what a sponsor does on their first meeting?

Lila: I dunno. I've never sponsored anyone before.

Dexter: Really.

Dexter: You do realize that I work with the police department.

Lila: If we get caught, you can flash your badge.

Dexter: I don't have a badge - I have a laminate.

Lila: So, tell me. Why do you use?

Dexter: ... Why? I dunno, it's just part of who I am.

Lila: And who are you?

Dexter: I'm, uh... a bad person.

Lila: Haha. You haven't got the first idea who you are, have you? Dexter, meet Dexter. I'm gonna help the two of you get to know each other.

Dexter: Doesn't really seem necessary.

Lila: The first step to recovery is getting to know who you are.

Dexter: I thought the first step was admitting you have a problem.

Lila: And before you can accept who you are, you have to know who you are. So that's our first job. You're going to tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets.

[Dexter answers the phone and hears about a case.]

Dexter: I've gotta get back. Dead body.

Lila: Humph. How many times have you used that one before?

[Doakes looks at several weapons on the counter.]

Doakes: Tell me that shit wasn't stolen from Saddam's palace!

LaGuerta: What are you saying?

Doakes: I'm saying - asshole special ops. No doubt about it.

Dexter: Huh. They're generally known for settling their arguments peacefully.

Doakes: Don't get smug with me.

LaGuerta: Sounds like we're in your world, James.

Doakes: Yeah, I'll take lead on this one.

Angel: Why did the killer cut 'em up like this?

Masuka: Easy disposal.

Debra: Or for fun. You don't kill this many people because it's a chore. You do it because you like it.

Pascal: I'm gonna need you to run some tests on this shirt.

Dexter: Is there blood?

Pascal: No blood.

Dexter: I'm really the blood guy.

Pascal: It's a smell. It smells like a woman.

Dexter: Which part?

Pascal: Who can identify this for me?

[Dexter looks outside the window and sees Masuka.]

Dexter: Yeah, that's really Masuka's area. He's definitely your man.

Pascal: Thanks.

Dexter: Anything I can do to overburden Masuka is to my advantage. Trust me, I'm not above sending pizzas and hooker to his house in the middle of the night.

Dexter: [thoughts] I've always been good with parents. The key is to simply think of them as aliens from a distant universe.

[Dexter sees Gail's old fashioned clothing.]

Dexter: [thoughts] You have fibres and threads unknown to us. Your ancient customs intrigue me.

Gail: So, Dexter. Tell me everything there is to know about you.

Dexter: [thoughts] You have made me your sworn enemy, evil woman.

Gail: And I see a young man who is not eating.

Cody: I'm not hungry.

Astor: He's scared the Butcher's gonna get him.

Dexter: Remember, he only gets bad people.

Cody: I was bad today. I threw a ball at Tommy Albertez.

Dexter: Well, that's not too bad. And even if it was, the Bay Harbor Butcher doesn't hurt kids.

Cody: He doesn't?

Dexter: Nah. You're safe.

Rita: When are they gonna hurry up and catch this guy?

Dexter: They're working as hard as they can.

Gail: Well, if what I've heard is true, that he only goes after criminals, I say leave him alone. He's got my seal of approval.

Dexter: [thoughts] Perhaps I have misjudged you, oh wise one.

Debra: What's it gonna be tonight? Chinese? Italian?

Lundy: Actually, I have a social appointment.

Debra: You mean, like, a date?

Lundy: I guess you could call it that.

Debra: Wow. Look at you. New in town, and already hooking up.

Lundy: It's an introduction arranged by a friend. One needs to get out and have a little fun on occasion. It's something I strongly recommend for you as well.

Debra: Yeah, but the hours we work...

Lundy: I'm serious. Make time for it. It'll help keep you better balanced.

Debra: Yes, sir.

[Debra handcuffs Gabriel to the bed post.]

Gabriel: Oh, you're into the kinky stuff, huh?

Debra: No. The last guy I had sex with tried to kill me.

Dexter: "Who is the Bay Harbor Butcher?" God, this obsession with him is relentless. Just like Debra and that damn treadmill.

[The morning after Dexter walked in on Debra having sex.]

Dexter: Morning.

Debra: So, that was a little weird last night.

Dexter: No- yeah- well, it was dark. My eyes hadn't adjusted. All I could see were shadows.

Debra: Well, please put those shadows out of your mind.

LaGuerta: Do you have any back-up?

Doakes: Oh, yeah. All kinds of back-up. Helicopters and shit.

Angel: You're the lone hold out. Every other suspect has a criminal past, and not just any criminal past. They were all linked to murder.

Woman: Oscar never murdered anybody!

Angel: Then why was he killed?

Woman: I don't know! Maybe he found out who the serial killer is!

Angel: Oh, okay. So, your husband is an engineer, and a secret crime fighter?

Debra: So, how'd your social appointment go last night?

Lundy: Oh. You know.

Debra: I took your advice.

Lundy: My advice?

Debra: Go out. Have some fun. Got laid. Big time.

Lundy: Oh. Well.

Debra: Oh. I mean, I don't usually go out to the gym and pick up strangers.

Lundy: The gym? [laughs]

Debra: Really, you have to save me here, or I'm gonna go outside and shoot myself.

Lundy: And then way you're going, you'd probably miss.

Debra: ... Thanks.

Lundy: My date was horrible. I picked her up, and I don't know Miami, of course, and I got completely lost, and she was chattering away the whole time about this Yogi master I just have to meet so by the time we even got to the restaurant I was tearing my hair out.

Debra: Oh, God. I'm sorry.

Lundy: No, it was good. It was a reminder that, uh, I shouldn't be dating.

Debra: Course you should be.

Lundy: No. It all comes down to simple mathematics. A really beautiful relationship is a once in a lifetime thing. And I've already had mine.

Pascal: Masuka, up front.

Masuka: [to Dexter] Oh no, it's that crazy witch.

[Pascal has started crying over her fiancée's shirt.]

Dexter: This is the kind of thing that makes me glad I have no feelings. As they always say, "never take your dirty laundry to work".

Doakes: You got it wrong, man. I left her.

Curtis: And why was that?

Doakes: Because I was afraid that if I didn't, I'd kill her.

Lila: Are you gonna tell me how you're doing?

Dexter: I'm fine.

Lila: C'mon, Dex. Open up.

Dexter: I'm very fine?

Lila: What's going on inside your head? What are you thinking?

Dexter: I'm afraid we're done - you and I.

Lila: Serious? You're breaking up with me?

Dexter: Actually, I don't think I wanna answer any more questions.

[Dexter stands outside the morgue.]

Dexter: [thoughts] There it is. Like a gigantic white whale. My Moby Dick.

Angel: Man, this heat. I can't take it. I've gotta get in my car before I fucking melt.

Dexter: [thoughts] Which is exactly what needs to happen to my dearly departed friends.

Lila: I think you should give me another chance.

Dexter: There's nothing you can do to help me. It's not even you. It's me. I am who I am, and nobody's gonna change that.

Lila: Whatever you think you are - you don't have to be that.

Dexter: That's where you're wrong.

Lila: Stop judging yourself! There are no absolutes. No one's all good, or evil.

Dexter: You're just gonna have to trust me on this.

Lila: Jesus, Dexter, what are you so fucking scared of!? You make yourself into a monster so you no longer bare responsibility for what you do! "Ah, I can't help it, I'm a monster," or, "Of course I was gonna do that - I'm a monster." It's sad! And it's pathetic! And it breaks my heart.

Dexter: You don't think there are monsters in this world? You don't believe that people are evil?

[Lila shakes her head.]

Dexter: I'll show you evil.

[Lila looks at some of the Bay Harbor Butcher's victims.]

Lila: It's... incredible.

Dexter: But the person who did this-

Lila: Is a person just like me. Like you. We're all good, Dexter. And we're all evil.

Dexter: [thoughts] I thought I closed the door for anybody ever seeing me for who I am. But, this woman sees me. She doesn't know it, but she's looking behind the mask, and she's not turning away.

[Dexter spins Cody around.]

Gail: He's good for you.

Rita: I know. I got lucky.

Gail: Quite an actor. He's hiding something. I'm sure of it.

Dexter: For the first time, I feel that the future might hold something different for me. It's possible I'm just fooling myself, but I'm willing to take the risk.

Dexter: It's an odd sensation to be experiencing what might be called "hope" for the first time in my life. At the same time, I find myself weighing the benefits between electrocution versus lethal injection. But here I am.

The Dark Defender

Debra: (drinks coffee) Oh sweet Mary mother of fuck, that's good.

Dexter: Think you might have broken a commandment somewhere in there.

Debra: If dad taught us one thing, it's the value of human life.

Dexter: (voiceover) Yeah, but I think we had different homework assignments.

Dexter: My little sister, the cuddler.

Debra: I have a scalding hot beverage here, Dex, don't make me use it.

Dexter: I never really got the whole superhero thing. But lately, it does seem we have a lot in common--tragic beginnings...secret identities...part human, part mutant...(looking over at Doakes) archenemies.

Dexter: (voiceover) "The Dark Defender." No, Miami's too hot for all that leather.

Lila: Where did you drift off to, anyway?

Dexter: I was having this bizarre dream about my mother.

Lila: Say no more. Oedipus complex, explains a lot.

Dexter: You stole my life. I'm not the person I'm supposed to be because you took someone from me.

Dex, Lies, and Videotape

Dexter: (voiceover) The full force of the FBI, that's the last thing I need, I've got to make sure Lundy gets his man, after I figure out a way to erase the marina files, and make up with my girlfriend, and then maybe I'll tackle world hunger because things can't get much worse.

Lila: (to Dexter) I guess we found a way to quiet the voices in your head.

Dexter: The voices are back. Excellent.

Angel: (laying a hand on Dexter's shoulder; referring to the Bay Harbor Butcher) We've never been this close to this pendejo.

Dexter: (thoughts) Closer than you think, amigo.

That Night, a Forest Grew

Doakes: You finally decided to fight back. I've been waiting.

Dexter: I hope you don't expect me to comment on that so you can record it on your hidden tape recorder. I wasn't born yesterday.

Doakes: You might have been for hell I know. Your past is a bigger mystery than fucking Jimmy Hoffa. I tried every avenue, legal and otherwise, but there ain't no paper trail on the early years of Dexter Morgan.

Dexter: I guess there's no recorder running after all.

Doakes: No man, unlike you I do everything out in the open.

Dexter: Well, in that case sergeant, let me put this in the open for you. No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work. I always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason.

Doakes: And what's that?

Dexter: I own you.

Morning Comes

Dexter: What's this? (chuckles) It's the dragon zombie. Cody likes to hide things in my bag.

Lila: He's trying to control you. By hiding toys in your bag, you have no choice but to return them to him.

Dexter: He's seven. He seldom has thoughts more complicated than the desire for candy.

Lundy: Can I offer you some tea?

Dexter: Uh, no, thank you I'm-- And he pours it anyway. He's trying to throw me off balance, show that I don't have the power to say no to him.

Lundy: How about some sesame crackers to go with that?

Dexter: So I'll say yes to everything. I'd love some.

Lundy: (checks box) Oh, sorry. Guess I ate them all.

Dexter: Asshole.

Lundy: So you, one of the most cautious and precise forensic specialists I've had the pleasure to work with, you performed blood work that directly led to Rodrigo walking free. I ask myself, how the hell did that happen?

Dexter: (voiceover) And did you answer, Dexter blew the case on purpose so that he could get Rodrigo off the streets for good with a cordless reciprocating saw?

Debra: So he's 20 years older than me, what do you care?

Dexter: I don't (pause). I mean (sits down, leans close), I'm sure you wouldn't do anything like that.

Debra: What are you talking about, do anything like what?

Dexter: Like, try to sleep your way to the top.

Debra: You douche! that is so not true!

Dexter: Of course not, I shouldn't have even said anything, and I'm sure that thought would never even occur to anybody else.

Debra: Double-douche! You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing Little Miss 'Pardon My Tits.' I'm sorry, Dex, but she is gross. And pale, and nobody is pale in Miami. She is obviously a vampire. A gross, English, titty vampire.

Dexter: You just described the perfect woman.

Debra: (disgusted)

Dexter: (voiceover) Lila almost had me believing it was possible. To change, to become something else--as if that ever really happens. I've always known what I am. (pulls on gloves) If the glove fits...

Dexter: (voiceover) A secret cabin in the middle of the Everglades? What more could a re-dedicated serial killer ask for?

Dexter: It's one thing to fuck with me another to fuck with (pauses) my ex-girlfriend who hates me. The Lila experiment is officially over.

(Dexter's kitchen, after the fire at Lila's loft)

Lila: Did somebody drink all the coffee again?

Debra: No, somebody didn't drink all the coffee. I had a cup and Dexter had a cup, and it just kinda went like that until the pot was empty.

Dexter: Deb...

Debra: What? Somebody didn't drink all the coffee. It's a stupid question.

Resistance Is Futile

Dexter: (on Lila) She had me fighting with myself the whole time. All that self-reflection is unhealthy.

Dexter: (after a disturbing dream) Nice. My subconscious isn't even bothering with symbolism.

Dexter: (to Rita) I'm sorry. I feel...such regret, which is rare for me. Not that I don't mess up, I do, just never so stupendously. I had you, and them; I had us. So much to have, and to just demolish it, I honestly thought I was smarter than that. Rude awakening.

Dexter: I have to get to Jiminez, but a dead man tells no tales. A drunk, unstable woman very well may.

Dexter: (on Lila) Can't live with her, can't kill her.

Frank Lundy: What exactly is Sergeant Doakes' problem with you Morgan?

Dexter: (voiceover) I kill people for one.

Rita: Is it over with Lila?

Dexter: Yes, absolutely, completely over. If I never see her again it will be too soon.

James Doakes: Jesus Christ, Morgan. Jesus fucking Christ. You're the Bay Harbor Butcher.

Dexter: I really hate that name.

James Doakes: Shut the fuck up. Let's get this over with. (tosses handcuffs) Put 'em on.

James Doakes: Morgan, you're done. Give it up.

Dexter: Would you, in my position?

James Doakes: I wouldn't be in your position, you sick fuck.

Dexter: You sure about that? You might want to check with Lundy.

There's Something About Harry

Dexter: Why couldn't you just leave me to do my work in peace? Why'd you have to go and ruin everything?

James Doakes: You're a killer. I catch killers.

Dexter: So do I. I caught you.

James Doakes: I'm not a killer.

Dexter: (chuckles) You are. That's why you've always known what I am. That's why you have more officer-related shootings than anybody else. Only I don't fuck with you when you shoot somebody. Why couldn't you pay me the same professional courtesy?

James Doakes: There's nothing professional about what you do. I kill when I have to, on the job.

Dexter: Oh, so it's okay to take a life as long as you get a paycheck for it?

Dexter: My code requires a higher standard of proof than your city's laws. At zero cost to the taxpayer. If you ask me I'm a bargain.

Lundy: I thought we were out as a couple.

Debra: Out and flaunting it are two different things.

Lundy: What, don't ask, don't tell?

Debra: Works for the military.

Lundy: Not really.

Dexter: (voiceover) Taking a life is one thing, but the care and feeding of it is another. I can't keep my problem locked away in a cabin forever. Harry always said there were plenty of people who deserve to die. But no matter how hard I close my eyes and wish, Doakes isn't one of them.

Rita Bennett: Maybe we could just... hang.

Dexter: Like a sloth. I can do that.

Dexter: (voiceover) I remember when life was easy. When the only question I worried about was who's next. Now it's, how can I dodge my "protective detail"? What should I do with my "hostage"? These are not easy questions.

Vince Masuka: All those times he called me lab geek, fairywinkle, donkey fluffer. I'm just glad I took it lying down, you know?

Debra: What the fuck, Dex?

Dexter: What which fuck?

Dexter: Deb, Doakes is a lot of things, but he's not an idiot. He won't come out of the shadows because of a grudge.

Debra: Right. 'Cause serial killers are so practical.

Dexter: Actually they are.

Dexter: Regardless of how we got here, one of the two killers in this cabin has to go away.

James Doakes: I am not a killer.

Dexter: Right. In terms of who goes, it boiled down to a philosophical question. Which one of us has more inherent worth?

James Doakes: I know you're fucking kidding me.

Dexter: First I considered our value to the community. That was a wash. We're both loyal civil servants. We work hard to keep the city clean.

James Doakes: You cut people up into little pieces.

Dexter: Then I looked at our personal lives. And... well, it's where the differences became clearer. Strange as it may seem, I have people who depend on me. They would be devastated if they found out what I do. You, Sergeant, you're more of a lone wolf. Easier to put down. No one in the pack to miss you.

James Doakes: Fuck you. Fuck you Morgan, I have a family. I have my mother, my sisters.

Dexter: Who you never visit. Puts a pit in my stomach. That I can only interpret as... sadness. If you had a personal life you might not have made me your obsession, and we might not be here right now.

Dexter: (voiceover) Doakes said I had two choices: kill him or let him go. But he neglected to look behind Door Number 3. Hand him over to the FBI, gift-wrapped. I don't need Doakes dead, I just need his fingerprints to complete my framejob.

Dexter: (voiceover) When the Feds receive these kill tools with their suspect's prints on them, the only threat to me will be the inane rants of a murderous madman. So close I can feel it. This tragic tale might still end in Doakes' demise, but not by my hands. Harry's legacy will remain intact.

Dexter: Don't test me, Sergeant. I could have killed you. I didn't.

James Doakes: You didn't because you can't. I've had time to think about this, Morgan. I don't fit that code you were talking about, do I? At first I thought the Butcher only went after criminals because nobody gives a goddamn what happens to them. But now... now I think you got a conscience.

Dexter: Of course I have a conscience. I left you a place to shit, didn't I? It's a small conscience.

Dexter: I'm sure Special Ops taught you to rattle your captor but I should warn you, Sergeant. You can't play on my feelings. I don't have any.

James Doakes: Oh really. Who's lying now?

James Doakes: You're not gonna do what I think you are.

Dexter: There's no point in hiding it now, Sergeant. Your life is going to rest in the hands of the criminal justice system you put all your faith in. I wish you the best of luck.

James Doakes: Morgan, goddamn it, you got a conscience man, you said it yourself! You go after killers, you take out killers, I get that. But this, this is some sick fuck ritual, man, you need help. Let me help you, man.

Dexter: Don't worry, Sergeant. I won't make you watch. I'm not uncivilized.

Dexter: (voiceover) It was me. The idea of a code was one thing, a grand idea, a noble cause. But the reality of it... Harry walked in on what he created. And he couldn't live with himself.

James Doakes: What, Morgan? What now?

Dexter: I killed my father.

Left Turn Ahead

Dexter: (voiceover) I always thought hardening arteries squeezed the life out of my father. But it was me. Harry gazed into the eyes of his creation and saw evil, pure and simple. My evil. It killed him.

James Doakes: That shit about your father. You wanna talk about it?

Dexter: About what? That my life is one tragic mistake?

James Doakes: We've all felt that at one time or another. I know I have.

Dexter: Did you happen to be stuffing a human leg into a garbage bag at that point?

Dexter: (voiceover) Harry's heart gave out when he saw what's inside me. He thought he could tame it, give it a purpose, help it find a place in the natural order. Guess he was wrong.

Dexter: (voiceover) It won't be long now. I can hang this on Doakes and then... then what? Years of trials and appeals. With him pointing his finger and calling me killer. For such a neat monster I'm making an awfully big mess.

Dexter: (voiceover) I'm the helpful handyman. How evil can I possibly be?

Dexter: In the long run it would be easier on Deb. Rita. Better than watching me dragged in like an animal. Which, let's face it, will happen. Someday.

Dexter: If I do this I need a day to get my affairs in order.

James Doakes: That's fine. Tie me up, throw me in the trunk, come on, let's go.

Dexter: I really enjoyed our conversations, James. I lie to everyone I know. Except my victims, right before I kill them. It's hard to establish much of a rapport there. Sorry about the cage.

The British Invasion

Dexter: (voiceover) Sleep, what a concept. I can't believe I actually contemplated turning myself in. This is so much better than a prison cell. I can squeeze fresh orange juice. Savor a fine French roast. Grab a morning workout. Okay, working out I could have done in prison. But still. I'm free.

Lila: What do you think I wanted?

Dexter: To know what it's like. To feel something, that deeply. Anything. That's why you hang out in recovery groups. You're emotionally colorblind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behavior. But the feelings never come to pass.

Lila: It's not true.

Dexter: It is, Lila. You know the dictionary definition of emotions. Longing, joy, sorrow. But you have no idea what any of those things actually feel like.

Dexter: (voiceover) Not long ago I had a dream that people could see me for what I am. And for a brief instant in time, the world actually saw my bodies of work. Some even cheered. But as it turns out, nobody mourns the wicked. Sorry, James.

I think Harry knew that from the start. That's why he gave me a code. It cost him his life, but it kept me alive through incredible trials. The code is mine now, and mine alone. So too are the relationships I cultivate.

They're not just disguises anymore. I need them. Even if they make me vulnerable. My father might not approve but I'm no longer his disciple. I'm a master now. An idea transcended into life.

And so this is my new path. Which is a lot like the old one, only mine. To stay on that path I need to work harder, explore new rituals, evolve. Am I evil? Am I good? I'm done asking those questions. I don't have the answers. Does anyone?

Lila: Who put you in there?

Doakes: A fucking psycho. And he could be back any minute. Grab that key, right behind you on the wall.

Lila: Who is he?

Doakes: His name is Dexter Morgan. I need you to open this gate.

Lila: Why would he do that, put you in there?

Doakes: Because I found out that he's the fucking Bay Harbor Butcher! Please, just open this fucking gate!

Lila: He's the Butcher...?

Doakes: This is what I've been trying to tell you.

Lila: What's in there?

Doakes: Exactly what you think it is. It's evidence. And I saw what happened. I really need to get out this cage, lady.

Lila: Poor thing, all alone...

Doakes: I'm okay. Just open the gate.

Lila: Not you. Dexter. Hiding such an enormous secret... What burden that's got to be. No wonder he was so shut down.

Doakes: What are you? His accomplice?

Lila: His soulmate.

Dexter: (voiceover) Its strange to have a creation out there. A deeply mutated version of yourself, running loose and screwing everything up. I wonder if this is how parents feel.

Our Father

Debra: All right. Quinn's been in homicide two weeks and he noticed.

Dexter: Noticed what?

Debra: My hair. I changed my hairstyle for the first time since I was eight.

Dexter: Oh, yeah. Short. -Er. Shorter.

Rita: God created pudding, and then he rested.

Miguel Prado: So a man dies, Mr. Morgan, and what's left, a soul? And what is that exactly?

Dexter: I really couldn't tell you.

Miguel Prado: Some people say that the soul lives on forever.

Dexter: I hope not.

Miguel Prado: Which makes you a cynic.

Dexter: Makes me a scientist.

Debra: (to Angel) Asshole. Sorry. Sergeant Asshole.

Finding Freebo

Debra: Just like every other tweaker-hooker case.

Dexter: Except the tattoo peeled off her shoulder.

Debra: Coroner says not a tattoo. (waves folder back and forth like a pendulum) You're getting interested.

Dexter: Actually, I'm getting sleepy.

Vince Masuka: Need all the luck I can get. Got a crucifix up there, too.

Dexter: Because it did so much for Jesus?

Yuki Amado: Oh, God, that really matters to you, doesn't it? Your cop friends - it's your whole life, them, the job, the shield. As far as I can tell, without that, you've got nothing.

Except your, uh, treadmill.

Debra: (Pause) Kind of a cunt, aren't you?

Dexter: You seem uncertain. It's uncomfortable isn't it? Just when you think you've answered all the questions another one smacks you in the face. Life, life, life. Life is just like that. Which is why I prefer death. (stabs Freebo in the neck)

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Quinn: Sugar is so much better than the artificial stuff, don't you think?

Dexter: I guess.

Quinn: Do you like milk or cream?

Dexter: Neither.

Quinn: Not exactly the chatty type, are you?

Dexter: No.

Dexter: Rita's pregnant

Debra: Say again?

Dexter: Rita's pregnant

Debra: You're lying.

Dexter: I'm not lying.

Debra: A baby? A mother-fucking rolly-polly chubby-cheeked shit machine, are you kidding me?

Dexter: I've never heard it described in quite those words before, but yeah.

Sylvia Prado: Men are such babies. They need to be carried kicking and screaming into fatherhood.

Dexter: (getting medically scanned, voiceover) It seems ironic that I, an expert on human dismemberment, have to pay 800 dollars to have myself virtually dissected.

Yoga Instructor: We are all strong warriors, all of us

Dexter: (voiceover) This absolutely, without a doubt, the worst moment of my life.

Yoga Instructor: Now let's go into a little free-form yoga. Just let yourself dance.

Dexter: (voiceover) I was wrong. This is.

Yoga Instructor: See the dust dancing against the sunlight. Be as beautiful as the golden flakes of dust, Dexter.

Dexter: (voiceover) I could probably kill her before anyone realized what happened.

All In The Family

Dexter: (voiceover) Masuka. He's chosen the role of court jester; now we only like him when he's making us laugh. Still, there's something to be said for being a character actor. The lead players, with all those emotions--must be exhausting.

Vince Masuka: Hell must have froze over because cops won't eat doughnuts anymore.

Dexter: Studies show that emotional intelligence plays a greater role in individual success than anything that can be measured on the standard IQ test.

Debra: Are you calling me an emotional idiot?

Dexter: If you're an idiot, then I'm a vegetable.

Dexter: (voiceover, about Ramon Prado) You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Unless you order his favorite and keep him waiting. And waiting.

Dexter: (voiceover) But if you play a role long enough, really commit, does it become real? Could I become real?

Turning Biminese

Harry Morgan: You're here. Rita's back home. You're cheating on her and you don't even realize it.

Dexter: I'll make time for my Dark Passenger and for Rita.

Harry Morgan: It's about priorities, Dexter. You're going to have to choose which one is your mistress and which one is your wife, and more importantly, which one comes first.

Dexter: (to a bound Ethan Turner) Most of your shipmates are up on the blue deck. It's happy hour. Just the two of us.

Dexter: (voiceover) Here I am, paradox personified. Taking life, creating life.

Sí Se Puede

Dexter: My dad used to say, "Be careful what you think you know about someone--you're probably wrong."

Dexter: Why risk it all? Your career, reputation, freedom? You can just walk away.

Miguel: You didn't walk away from Ethan Turner because you understand, Dexter, that we're living in, living in crucial times, crucial times that demand extraordinary measures.

Dexter: (voiceover) Miguel's convinced himself he wants this kill tonight for lofty and noble reasons. I'm not quite as high-minded.

Harry Morgan: We only see two things in people. What we want to see and what they want to show us.

Harry Morgan: No matter how close two people are, an infinite distance separates them.

Harry Morgan: Never underestimate the capacity of other people to let you down.

Easy As Pie

Camilla: It's a mortal sin to us Catholics. A one-way ticket to Hell. I can't take my own life, either. But...you're not Catholic.

Dexter: No. I'm definitely not Catholic.

Angel Batista: No way your nickname was worse than "Fatista." 'Cause Gianna just rolls off the--

Barbara Gianna: "Va"-gianna.

Angel Batista: Okay, you win. Kids can be cruel.

Dexter: (voiceover) Hand-holding. So simple, so intimate, so...uncomfortable.

Ellen Wolf: We all know how easy it is to plant evidence, and let's be honest, you look the type.

Dexter: (voiceover) Do I see sheets of plastic in your future?

Miguel: So, uh, Ellen Wolf, a piece of work, right?

Dexter: Go easy, be tactful. We can't kill her.

Dexter: (voiceover) I've never been great at conflict resolution. Not without a blade and several rolls of plastic wrap.

Debra:(after pulling an all-nighter) I found a fucking lead on The Skinner case. It's in the trees! Right, so, we've had our heads up our asses, Sarge. We've been looking down at the bodies, but no one has been looking up!

Angel Batista: ...How much caffeine have you had?

Debra: A metric fuck-ton.

Dexter: I want you know that you were right, about my brother. There's something else. I killed him.

Camilla: (last words) It's good you did.

Dexter: (voiceover) All the lives I've taken, they've always begged for mercy. I've never understood that concept, until now. This. This is mercy. But only for a friend.

The Damage A Man Can Do

Dexter: (voiceover) It's said that everything is connected to everything. The butterfly effect. You drop a pebble into a pond and the ripples radiate outward, affecting everything. Until finally a fish grows arms and legs and crawls out of the water, and picks up a rock and smashes the next two fish over the head, and we have the first serial killer.

Dexter: Hey, you know anything about wedding bands?

Debra: Yeah, wedding rings and nuclear fission are my secret specialties.

Dexter: Thanks. (leaves)

Quinn: Your brother's kind of a dweeb, huh?

Debra: You say anything more about my brother and I will kick your fucking nuts down your throat.

Quinn: (laughs) That doesn't even make any sense.

Dexter: You ever drop a quart of milk? Watch it spread over the whole kitchen floor? The mess it makes?

Miguel: Yeah.

Dexter: There's six quarts of blood in the human body. This isn't going to be pretty. There's no shame in backing out.

Miguel: Dex, after 14 years of filing briefs, trying cases, and dealing with bullshit. This is all going to look nice and neat in comparison.

Dexter: (voiceover) I tell Miguel to be inconspicuous and what does he do? He shows up looking like the Unibomber. I've got my work cut out for me.

About Last Night

Dexter: (voiceover) Today I wake up, kiss the wife-to-be, feed the step-kids-to-be, dress myself in the usual pants, shirt...and pretense.

Sylvia: (sobbing) When you've been married as long as we have, you know when your husband's lying.

Dexter: (voiceover) Something to look forward to.

Debra: Skinner's had him for 24 hours. How long do you think he can hold out?

Dexter: Well, the M.E.'s report on the other victims suggests that the Skinner starts slow, probably to build fear. Anton's a big guy, lot of skin. (Debra looking horrified)...That's meant to be comforting.

Maria LaGuerta: You know someone, a good friend actually, told me I had a big wall around me. I thought it made me a better cop. I don't think it did.

Go Your Own Way

Dexter: (sees Astor fast asleep at Debra's) What'd you use on her, chloroform?

Vince Masuka: A hooker is a terrible thing to waste.

Dexter: (voiceover) It's all about strategy. Out-maneuvering the opposition, bending him to your will.

Miguel: What are you doing in my office, Dex?

Dexter: Winning.

Dexter: I'll do what it takes to keep the innocent people of Miami safe.

Rita: (in her wedding dress) I feel like Cinderella...except for the whole Disney-virgin thing.

Sylvia: Don't worry. No one will know Prince Charming knocked you up before the ball.

Dexter: I know what it is to want to re-balance an unbalanced world. But it's just unbalanced, Angel, that's it. Some doors should stay shut. You open it, it's too easy to walk through it a second time.

Miguel: I'll do what I want, to whom I want to who ever I want! Count on it!

I Had a Dream

Vince Masuka: Premium alcohol, all-you-can-eat buffet, plus high-class adult entertainment.

Dexter: (voiceover) Kill me now.

Dexter: (voiceover, post-bachelor party) After last night they all think we share a secret, but Miguel's the only one who knows mine. I could tell the rest of them, but then I'll have to kill them. Just like I'm going to kill Miguel.

Dexter: (voiceover) If home is where the heart is, where do you go when you don't have a heart? In Miguel's case, a five-star hotel.

Dexter: (voiceover, sees LaGuerta collecting evidence) Miguel probably thinks he's getting lucky. Looks like he's getting screwed.

Dexter: You need something under the table, I'm your guy. (pause) That didn't come out right.

Vince Masuka: What are you working on?

Dexter: I, uh, found a gray hair. I was curious.

Vince Masuka: Oh, dude, I've totally done that.

Dexter: You're bald.

Vince Masuka: (points below belt)

Dexter: Oh.

Debra: Whenever you have an earth-shattering, ball-crushing, mind-fuck of a secret, you should tell your fucking sister.

Miguel: (wrapped to a table) It doesn't have to come to this.

Dexter: But it always does.

Miguel: I know you. I know you, Dex, better than anyone else.

Dexter: Oh, there've been quite a few who've seen the real me as they laid on that table. You're all just unchecked versions of myself. What I would've become without my father's code.

Miguel: I accept you. I accept you, Dex, like a brother.

Dexter: I killed my brother.

Miguel: ...

Dexter: I killed yours, too.

Dexter: What did you say in your bachelor party speech? Friends are always honest.

Miguel: Friends forgive. Friends forgive.

Dexter: But I don't forgive you--and I don't get to have friends.

Do You Take Dexter Morgan?

Dexter: (voiceover) There are few milestones in life that evoke a stronger response than our final act: death. What was once moving, speaking, killing, and threatening becomes nothing but an empty vessel, which is not so different from how I've always felt.

Dexter: That was awkward. I don't think I've ever been asked to leave a funeral before.

Rita: Ramon didn't ask you to leave--he pushed you out the door. He's just so angry.

Dexter: He's lost two brothers. He doesn't know whom to blame.

Rita: Certainly not you.

Dexter: (voiceover) No, certainly not me.

Dexter: (voiceover, trying to write vows) Darling Rita, once you were a dream and a prayer. Now our future is as bright as the sun glinting off the morning dew and I vow that I will--. Sounds like I'm marrying a unicorn.

Debra: They all say the same thing, "King was a very polite gardener, can't believe he's the Skinner."

Quinn: I hate polite killers.

Dexter: (voiceover, bound to a table) Such a familiar situation. Such an unfamiliar perspective.

Debra: You're completely different from me. You're laid back, and musician-y, and unambitious. You're like Valium.

Anton: And you're like Red Bull.

Debra: You are the best thing that has happened to me.

Dexter: (voiceover) We all have secrets. In that way, I'm just like everyone else--sorta.

Debra: Me in a dress--I feel like a transvestite.

Trailers

Dexter: [to his son] Okay, you planning on both of us not sleeping through another three months?

Dexter: [to his son] Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people.

Trinity: It's already over.

Dexter: [to his next victim] This is it. This is the big question. Of life, you know. Can I do this? Can I do this? Can I do this? What do you think, Benny, can I? [whispers dramatically] Can I have it all?

[Dexter is about to kill Benny Gomez, but is interupted when Rita calls his cell phone]

Rita: Dexter, I need you to go to an all-night pharmacy right away.

Dexter: Kinda right in the middle of something, hon.

Rita: Whatever you're doing, it can wait.

[Dexter hangs up]

Dexter: [to Benny] Kids, huh? It's all about sacrifice. [raises his knife to kill him]

Dex Takes a Holiday

[Dexter is about to kill a victim who is a police officer]

Officer: You can't hide what you are.

Dexter: Oh, I can. I'm better at it than you.

Officer: You will choose your life over theirs.

Dexter: I won't. I'd rather risk with them knowing the truth... [Dexter stops talking, thinking] than losing them. [stops again, getting sentimental] I don't want to lose them. I don't.

Dirty Harry

[After Rita demands to know what's inside Dexter's "tools" suitcase, which is revealed to be a gun]

Dexter: It was Harry's. I wasn't comfortable having it now with the kids, so i kept it here.

Dexter: See? I have nothing to hide...

Dexter: [voiceover]... (dryly) except for the syringes, scalpes and bonesaws hidden in that secret drawer underneath.

Dexter: [going after Trinity] It's almost poetic. One serial killer ending with 30-year reign of another.