Directed by David Nutter. Written by Scott Rosenberg.

Gavin Strick

• Appropriate sparks are flying, somebody cue the power ballad.

• Look at him, he's killing his hard-on.

• Mr. Newberry here has got the full-on Boo Radley, village idiot, Quasimoto thing going, don't you Mr. Newb?

• The Yogurt Shop, Yogurt Shoppe, what the fuck's a Shoppe?

• [sees Andy Effkin being talked to by police] Andy Effkin toasts with the most.

• [Blue Ribbons circle around Steve] Ice Ice Baby.

• It's not like you think. It's a whole new kind of cool. Everything's beautiful, man.

Steve Clark

• I had no idea the evil was this pervasive.

• [shouts] You signed me up for the program?

• Be the ball.

Others

• Dorian Newberry: Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone.

• Allen Clark: Don't worry about the snakes in your garden when you've got spiders in your bed.

• Lorna Longley: Bad wrong, wrong bad, bad wrong, wrong bad.

• Lorna Longley: [Blood running down her face] I have to go home. I've got a big physics test tomorrow.

• Betty Caldicott: Meet the musical little creatures that hide among the flowers.

• U.V.: I bet you didn't know toast came in 3 flavors.

• U.V.: I've got like, two customers left! If this keeps up, I'm going to be the 7-11 guy!

• Andy Effkin: [snaps Mary Joe's neck] Slut.

• Lorna Longley: Treat yourself.

Dialogue

Gavin Strick: Rachel, this is Stevie Boy-good man. Stevie Boy, this is Rachel-Cooks Ridge trash.

Rachel Wagner: [disgusted] Bite me.

Steve Clark: Tell me, Shannon, do you get yelled at when you talk about your dead grandfather?

Nathan Clark: Steve...

Steve Clark: 'Cause around here, people go crazy if you talk about a dead brother.

Dickie Atkinson the Mechanic: [awkwardly] You had friends in Chicago?

Steve Clark: Yeah.

Lorna Longley: You can have friends here.

Rachel Wagner: Gavin thinks some sinister force has taken over the Cradle Bay meatheads.

Steve Clark: A sinister force?

Rachel Wagner: You know, evil. Nowhere to turn, no one to trust, altogether ooky.

Gavin Strick: Hello, Lorna. How are you doing today, my dear?

Lorna Longley: Drop dead.

Gavin Strick: Contact.

Randi Sklar: Why don't you make like a tree and leave?

Gavin Strick: Clever girl.

Steve Clark: [after seeing Chug in a fight] What was that about?

Rachel Wagner: Toxic jock syndrome.

Chug Roman: Will you go out with me?

Rachel Wagner: No.

Chug Roman: WHY NOT?

[U.V. isn't sure if Steve Clark is now one of the Blue Ribbons]

U.V.: Wait man, what's the capital of North Dakota?

Steve Clark: How the fuck should I know?

U.V.: All right. You're still okay.

Dorian Newberry: Evening Officer!

Officer Cox: What are you doing?

Dorian Newberry: Oh, I'm getting rid of rats!

U.V.: [shoots Gavin to prevent him from shooting Rachel and Steve]

Gavin Strick: [falls to the ground, bleeding] Three times? You had to shoot me three times?

U.V.: [voice breaking] Sorry, man.

Gavin Strick: Wow. I get to say to my twisted family... I guess this diminishes my chances of ever meeting Trent Reznor...Wow, I guess I'm finally coming around...

Steve Clark: Don't do this! Maybe they can be helped!

Dorian Newberry: No they can't. And neither can I. [shows the gunshot wound to his stomach] Do good things lunch boy.

Steve Clark: It's over you psycho son of a bitch.

Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Over? There'll be other places. Other parents who want their kids to behave. Science is God.

Rachel Wagner: What happened?

Steve Clark: We're the only ones left.

Rachel Wagner: So what do we do now?

Steve Clark: We go home.

Rachel Wagner: Where's that?

Steve Clark: Wherever. Wherever we are.

Taglines

• It doesn't matter if you're not perfect. You will be.

• You'll never be the same.

• In Cradle Bay... there's nothing more frightening than perfection.

Cast

• James Marsden - Steve Clark
• Katie Holmes - Rachel Wagner
• Nick Stahl - Gavin Strick
• Steve Railsback - Officer Cox
• Bruce Greenwood - Dr. Edgar Caldicott
• William Sadler - Dorian Newberry
• Chad Donella - U.V.
• Ethan Embry - Allen Clark
• Katharine Isabelle - Lindsay Clark
• A.J. Buckley - Charles 'Chug' Roman
• Crystal Cass - Lorna Longley
• Tygh Runyan - Dickie Atkinson
• Tobias Mehler - Andy Effkin
• Derek Hamilton - Trent Whalen
• P.J. Prinsloo - Robby Stewart