Pilot [1.1]

Steven: [about Alex] I haven't seen him this excited since Reagan got elected.

Steven: [to Elyse] Do you think maybe he was switched at birth and the Rockefellers have our kid?

Elyse: Alex, maybe you're getting a little carried away here. I mean, if Kimberly doesn't like you or your family for who they are, then maybe she isn't worth caring about at all, don't you think?

Alex: Are you going to wear your hair like that, or are you going to put it up?

Mallory: [witnessing her parents kissing in the kitchen] You guys have been married for a long time. Haven't you had enough?

Alex: How do I look?

Steven: Middle-aged.

Alex: Dad, recent studies show, that you can predict success by the way a person dresses.

Steven: Alex, you're a young man. You shouldn't be worried about success. You should be thinking about hopping on a steam trainer, and going around the world, or putting a pack on your back and heading down to Mexico, South America, or anywhere.

Alex: The 1960's are over Dad.

Steven: Thanks for the tip.

Death of a Grocer [1.9]

Jennifer: What's impetuous?

Steven: Well, uh. That's when you do something without thinking it through.

Jennifer: Like when you guys decided to have Alex?

Alex: Skippy, remember when we were little kids, and I accidentally ran over you with my bicycle?

Skippy: Yeah.

Alex: I drive a car now.

Sherry Baby [1.13]

Mallory: What do you say, Alex? She really thinks you're cute.

Alex: Look, Mallory. I don't go out with girls who have an IQ lower than room temperature, or have contagious diseases, or friends of yours. And there's certainly some overlap in those categories.

Alex: [turning on the radio] Oh I hope you don't mind, it's time for the commerce and shipping news.

Mallory: Alex we do mind we're doing a project for school here.

Alex: All right, all right I'll listen to it upstairs, it's a lot more exciting in stereo anyway.

Elyse: What happened?

Alex: Oh he was going out for a pass and he ran into the pole.

Jennifer: I told you to run down and in Skippy, you were supposed to go to the pole and stop!

Skippy: I did, I stopped when I hit the pole.

Elyse: Who is Sherry Marshall?

Mallory: She happens to be a Pi Nu the best sorority in the whole world, she's the president.

Steven: Is she coming alone or with some secret service agents?

The Fugitive (1) [1.14]

Elyse: Mr. Carlyle, Do you really believe that my brother stole that money? I mean, he's not the type.

Carlyle: I'll mention that to the guys in New York. But to be honest with you: I think they're going to want to push ahead with the case anyway.

Carlyle: [on what would happen if it turned out that the Keatons were lying to him about where Ned is] Well, hypothetically speaking, you would be hypothetically arrested for harboring a known criminal, and hypothetically sent to a very real jail.

Margin of Error [1.16]

Alex: It's like taking candy from a baby.

Jennifer: Brings back memories.

Steven: No movies, no dates....

Alex: Sounds fair.

Steven: ... and no TV.

Alex: Not even Wall Street Week?

Steven: Especially not Wall Street Week.

Alex: Come on Dad. I did not kill a guy!

Steven: Alex I am out $2,700. I am the major investor in an underwater video company in the Philippines. They probably have a picture of me in one of their huts with the caption, Our Founder. You are lucky to be getting off this easy.

Alex: Oh listen, just in case, I mean if this stock does go up, we are in this 50/50 right?

Mrs. Matthews: This is not very good news is it?

Mr. Matthews: No it is not.

Mrs. Matthews: We invested everything we had with you. Our, our life savings.

Mr. Matthews: We knew there would be risks going in. We discussed that.

Mrs. Matthews: But we are retired people there is no way that we can re-earn what we have lost. We will lose our house, our car.... Is not there anything you can do?

Mr. Matthews: Sorry. Say Hi to Dad.

Mallory: So Alex what are you going to do? Sell your soul to the devil or your body to someone who is nearsighted?

Alex: Jennifer…

Jennifer: Sometimes when you keep a secret all to yourself you get a really bad headache.

French Lessons [1.17]

Alex: Dad, I'm 138 and 0 against you [in chess].

Steven: 138, 0 and 1. You forgot about the draw.

Alex: I had my appendix out that day.

Steven: The anesthesia had worn off.

I Gotta Be Ming [1.18]

Alex: I want you.

Ming: You don't want me, Alex. You want another you. You want someone who looks like you, acts like you, thinks like you.

Alex: Is that how I acted?

Ming: Look, I can't be Alex; I gotta be Ming.

Stage Fright (a.k.a.) Video Jitters [1.21]

Steven: Hey, Alex. How's it going?

Alex: Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Steven: He seems a bit depressed.

Cast

• Michael J. Fox - Alex P. Keaton
• Michael Gross - Steven Keaton
• Meredith Baxter - Elyse Keaton
• Justine Bateman - Mallory Keaton
• Tina Yothers - Jennifer Keaton
• Brian Bonsall - Andrew 'Andy' Keaton