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Freaks and Geeks
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  Topics Freaks and Geeks Quotations
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Freaks and Geeks was a U.S. television series that aired on NBC. The show centered on a teenage girl, Lindsay Weir, and her brother Sam attending McKinley high school during the early 1980s in the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan.

Pilot [1.1]

Daniel: You guys know Lindsay?
Nick: Yeah, you were in my English class last year. You were the chick that got an A, right?
Lindsay: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Ken: I don't know. What are you gonna do?


Neal: [to Sam] The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader. You've seen "Star Wars" 27 times. You do the math.


Mr. Rosso: You're our best mathlete.
Lindsay: Please don't say that.


Nick: Check it out man, that's uh 14 mounted toms, 8 floor toms, 4 splashes, 2 gongs, 10 cowbells , 4 rides, 5 snares, a rototom rack, and it's all mounted on my infamous quadruple kick drum system. Six more pieces and I got a bigger set than Neil Peart from Rush, yeah.
Lindsay: That's great Nick.
Nick: Teachers want us to work, and I say, "Fine, I'll work. But you've gotta let me do the kind of work that I wanna do. And for me, it's my drum kit, man. This is my passion. This is the essence of who I am now. But before I had this, I was lost, too. You see what I'm saying? You need to find your reason for living. You've gotta find your big, gigantic drum kit.



Harold: I used to have a friend who smoked, you know what happened to him? He died!



Ken: That's exactly why I don't carry a purse.



Kim: Why don't you blow your nose in some bread and make me a sandwich?



Lindsay: Are you guys going to the homecoming dance?
Ken: Excuse me?

Daniel [to Lindsay] : That's funny. It's a joke, right?
Lindsay: My dad's kinda makin' me go.
Nick: Your dad's makin' you go to the dance? What's that all about?
Ken: Who's your dad? Hitler?

Beers and Weirs [1.2]

Lindsay: All my new friends think I'm some goody-two-shoes and all my old friends think I'm throwing my life away. What the hell am I supposed to do?


Lindsay: Well, my house is so boring looking...so I just wanted to make it look more party-like.
Ken: Well I'll tell you how to make it look more party-like. Point me to the keg.
Nick: Oh yeah.
Lindsay: In the corner.
Ken: Then I am in the corner.


Harold: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.
Harold: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.


Daniel: I love being told not to drink by a pot-head hippie guidance counselor.


Sam: What's non-alcoholic beer?
Bill: It's beer but without that ingredient that makes you drunk.
Neal: Alcohol?
Bill: Yeah.


Neal: Bill, Dallas sucks.
Bill: You suck! Dallas rules!


Sam: Keg of beer, please.
Liquor Store Clerk: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Neal: Oh, we need a keg of non-alcoholic beer.
Liquor Store Clerk: No!
Sam: But we need it.
Liquor Store Clerk: What for?
Neal: We're gonna switch the kegs at his sister's party.
Liquor Store Clerk: Righteous!


Neal: [to Lindsay] Friday night. Always a good time for some Sabbath. [pause] 'Cause, you know...Friday...is the Sabbath...for the Jews.


Neal: I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!


[Bill is passed out on the floor]
Lindsay: Hey, Bill. Get up. That's how the drummer from Led Zeppelin died.

Tricks and Treats [1.3]

Bill: I'm just trying to win ten bucks here, I don't wanna die.


Bill: I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Hold on, I'm gonna put the phone on my bionic ear. That's--that's better. No, don't talk so loud! Don't forget, I've got bionic hearing.


Daniel: Knock it off, blondie. You're gonna blow the speakers.
Kim: Oh, I'm sorry, Grandpa. I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on.


Bill: Ma'am, I hope there aren't any peanuts in these peanuts.


Harold: Last time I had this much fun, I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.

Kim Kelly is My friend[1.4]

Millie: I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay: What? She does what? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Millie: She does it.
Lindsay: What do you mean, it?
Millie: She fornicates it!

Tests and Breasts [1.5]

Bill: I don't really like jokes. I don't think they're funny.


Sam: What am I supposed to do with a porno?
Neal: You watch it. Over and over.
Sam: Ew, only perverts watch pornos, right?
Neal: Well, then every guy in America is a pervert.


Harold: She's hanging with a bad crowd. She's lying and cheating and next thing you know, she's Patty Hearst with a gun to our heads.

I'm With the Band [1.6]

Neal: What is wrong with them? Why do they think that hitting people with towels is so funny?
Bill: If it wasn't us, it would be kind of funny.


Sam: Will girls ever like us?
Neal: I think our best play is to go for the smart, sexy librarian type.


Bill: Stop looking up my shorts.
Neal: Why would we? There's nothing to see.
Sam: Just keep climbing, Wonder Woman.
Bill: There is something to see.


[Playing moon ball]
Neal: That's it. I'm gonna die in gym class.


Neal: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill: But you're not funny.
Neal: Screw you. I'm hilarious!


Daniel: I wrote out some Ramones songs.
Nick: The Ramones? They only use like three chords.
Daniel: Alright, so I'll learn another one.


Daniel: Rock 'n roll don't come from your brain. It comes from your crotch.

Carded and Discarded [1.7]

Jean: Nobody's home. You wanna have a little sex?
Harold: Sex?! Well, okay.


Harold: You can hardly stand to be around us. When you two were kids, you used to run around naked and lay in bed with us all night. We bathed you and we cleaned your butts when you pooped and we loved it. Now, we try to pat you on the head and you run for the hills. Well, I'm fed up. We are going to be close from now on whether you like it or not. We're going to spend quality time together, and we're going to enjoy it, damn it!


Daniel: I hate astrology. What, everybody born in the same month is gonna have the same life?


Ken: I just want to be older so I can go to bars. Everything fun in this world happens in bars.

Bill: [about Maureen] How are we not supposed to be in love with her?

Girlfriends and Boyfriends [1.8]

Daniel: Lindsay... I think it's really great that you and Nick are going out.
Lindsay: Yeah. Me too.
Daniel: No, I mean it. Nick's a great guy. We give him a hard time, but you know... he's the man. I just think it's really great you guys are going out. He's a really great guy.
Lindsay: Yeah, I know.
Daniel: Nick's a stud. You know? I mean, he may not seem like it, but he is.
Ms. Yeats: Mr. Desario, don't you have something to do?
Daniel: Right, but I thought we were going to do that after class, Ms. Yeats.
Ms. Yeats: Oh, be still my beating heart.
Daniel: [whispers to Lindsay] I like that dress.


Nick: Hey, man, I heard Kim got an A on her world civ test. That's great. Oh, no, that's right, that was MY girlfriend. Ohhh...
Daniel: That's really funny.
Nick: Oh, you know what though? Lindsay got detention for flipping off her gym teacher. Oh no, that's right, that was YOUR girlfriend. Oh ho ho...
Daniel: I heard Kim punched you in the chest really hard. Oh, whoops, that was me. [Daniel punches Nick.]
Nick: That was really hard.


Sam: Cindy is not abnormal.
Bill: Yeah? She cut the cheese.
Neal: Oh my God.
Sam: That's not funny.
Bill: I heard it, man, I swear. She blamed it on the chair. But she cut the cheese.
Sam: Well, some chairs make weird noises. What kind of a chair was it?
Bill: I don't know. Vinyl?
Sam: Vinyl chairs always squeak.
Bill: It wasn't a squeak. It was the sound of cheese being cut.


Jean Weir: Honey, tell her about Korea.
Harold Weir: Korea. [sighs] Well, one day, I, uh, went into Seoul on a weekend pass. And I went to this bar. And I had a few too many. And I followed a couple of my buddies to the red-light district.
Jean Weir: Your father's first time wasn't special, and he's always regretted it.
Harold: It was the worst $5 I've ever spent. And I wish I could get that $5 back.


Nick: See, Lindsay. Nothing 'bout you and me should ever be rushed. I made that mistake before, but I'm not gonna make it with you. Cause we've got time. We've got all the time in the world. And you know why? [singing] Cause you're my lady of the morning. Love shines in your eyes. Sparkling, clear and lovely. [speaking] You're my lady. See, Lindsay. We were made for each other.
Lindsay: You wanna make out or something?
Nick: No. All guys wanna make out. But I just wanna hold you. [holds her] What's better than this?

The Diary [1.9]

Sam: Think we could be arrested for making prank calls?
Neal: Yeah, and we'll get sent to telephone prison.


Bill: Fredericks? You're a turd. A stinky fat turd. Go sniff a jock strap, you poophead. You love patting boys butts. You love patting boys butts, butt. You butt patter. You're a perv, and a loser, and a stinky turd.


Neil: Smooth move, Alexander Graham Bell.


Mr. Weir: We are not robots and things do not need to change. I like how things are! I like eating the same things. You know why? Because those are the things I like! I like chicken. And I like pot roast. And, that's how I feel about you Jean.
Mrs. Weir: Oh please. You like me like you like a pot roast?
Mr. Weir: I love pot roast!


Mr. Weir: You think I don't appreciate you? Well, I do. Everything I do I do to serve you. I think of you when I'm stocking fishing poles. I think of you when I'm answering questions about cross country ski wax. My whole life is about serving you. And I love you, Jean.

Looks and Books [1.10]

Daniel: Am I a loser?
Harris: You're not a loser because you're having sex. But if you weren't having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.

The Garage Door (a.k.a. Tries and Lies) [1.11]

Sam: Hey, Neal, I gotta go home. My parents are going to be worried.
Bill: Yeah, me too. My mom doesn't like to watch Dallas alone.


Neal: Tell you one thing, when I get married, I'm never going to cheat on my wife. Even if she gets old and fat.
Bill: I'd be happy just to get a wife. I don't think I want the kind that's gonna get old and fat.
Sam: I don't even know how you get one girl. How does anyone get two?


Neal: So I wake up this morning, and guess what's sitting at the foot of my bed?
Bill: A turd?
Neal: Yes Bill, a turd.
Bill: Eew!
Neal: An Atari!

Chokin' and Tokin' [1.12]

Lindsay: God! We used to love Mac Davis, remember?
Millie: Yeah. You used to say you wished you had pillows stuffed with his hair.

Smooching and Mooching [1.13]

Harold: Well, Neil Peart couldn't drum his way out of a paper bag.



Neal: Everyone looks cool in turtle necks. That's the point! We can't both wear them; we'll look like the Smothers Brothers!

The Little Things [1.14]

Harold: Everyone's a Democrat until they get a little money. Then they come to their senses!

Discos and Dragons [1.15]

Daniel: All right, fine, I'll be a dwarf, but my name is Carlos.
Bill: Carlos the dwarf?
Daniel: Yeah, you got a problem with that, Gorthon?


Ken and Daniel: Disco sucks!

Kim Kelly Is My Friend [1.16]

Millie: I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay: What? She does what? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Millie: She does it.
Lindsay: What do you mean, it?
Millie: She fornicates it!

Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers [1.17]

Neal: He's a gym teacher. There's no upward mobility.

Cast

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