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• If "pro" is the opposite of "con", is "progress" the opposite of "congress"? from the 1985 movie The Bookkeeper

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• "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I did not come here tonight to make you laugh! I came here to sell you something! And I want ya to pay particular attention, because The Amazing Master Tool Corporation, a subsidiary of Fly By Night Industries has entrusted who? -- me! -- to show you! -- the handiest and the dandiest kitchen tool you've ever seen, and don't ya wanna know how it works! First you take an ordinary apple! You place the apple between the patented pans! Then you reach for the tool that is not a slicer, not a dicer, not a chopper in a hopper! What in the hell can it possibly be? SLEDGE-O-MATIC!"

-- Intro to the Sledge-O-Matic sequence, which has remained basically unchanged during Gallagher's 25 years as a comedian.