Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis.

Dr. Peter Venkman

• Kitten, what I think I'm saying is, sometimes, shit happens, somebody's gotta deal with it, and who're you gonna call?!

• We're the best. We're the beautiful. We're the only Ghostbusters.

• Suck in the guts, guys, we're the Ghostbusters.

• Dana? The boys are going down under the sewers tonight to look for slime. Egon thinks there might even be some kind of big roach-breeding surge. Should we forget about dinner and go with them instead?

• Boys, boys. You're scaring the straights!

• Here's something off the request line from Liberty Island. We're gonna squeeze some New Year's juice from ya, Big Apple!

• You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a Carpathian would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick... bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you'd be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!

• Oh, Viggy, Viggy, Viggy, you have been a bad monkey!

Dr. Egon Spengler

• Very cheerful, my parents didn't believe in toys.
• We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.
• (About Venkman, to Dana) Oh, he was borderline for awhile. Then he crossed the border.
• (After Louis makes his opening statement in court in defense of the Ghostbusters) Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.

Dr. Raymond Stantz

• Not so fast Dead Head! You want a baby, why don't you go knock up some willing hellhound! Otherwise I'm giving you three to get back in that painting! One!

Vigo the Carpathian

• I, Vigo, the scourge of Carpathia, the sorrow of Moldavia, command you! (to Janosz)
• On a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood. What was will be, what is will be no more. Now is the season of evil! Find me a child that I might live again! (to Janosz)

Dr. Janosz Poha

• No, no photographs, please! Slides are available in the Gift Shop! [is forcibly hauled aside]
• He has been chosen to be the vessel of the spirit of Vigo, and you, Dana, will be the mother of the ruler of the world. Doesn't that sound nice?
• He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!
• Soon, the city will be mine and Vigo's... mainly Vigo's.
• You know, Dana, there are many perks to being the mother of a living God.
• Oh! Command me, Lord!
• Then why are you came?

Louis Tully

• Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make do the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.

Dialogue

Boy at party: My dad says you're full of crap.

Dr. Raymond Stanz: Well, a lot of people have trouble believing in the paranormal.

Boy at party: No, he just says you're full of crap and that's why you went out of business.

Dr. Raymond Stantz and Winston Zeddmore: [singing] Something's strange in the neighborhood / who you gonna call?

Kids at party: He-Man!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Hi, welcome back to "World of the Psychic," I'm Peter Venkman. I'm chatting with my guest, author, lecturer and psychic, Milton Anglund. Milt, your new book is called "The End of the World." Now can you tell us when it's going to be or do we have to buy the book?

Milton Auglund: Well I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve.

Dr. Peter Venkman: This year?

Milton Auglund: MmHmm.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Well that's cutting it a little bit close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, I mean your book is just coming out, you're not gonna see any paperback sales for at least a year. It'll be at least another year before you know whether you've got that mini-series or movie of the week kind of possibilities. I mean just Devil's Advocate Milty! I mean shouldn't you have said: Hey the worlds going to end in 1992! Or better yet 1994!

Milton Auglund: This is not just some money-making scheme! Alright! I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve. [begins to cry]

Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, for your sake, I hope you're right. Okay. But I think my other guest may disagree with you. Elaine, now you had another date in mind?

Elaine: According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14, in the year 2016.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Valentine's Day. Bummer. Where did you get your date, Elaine?

Elaine: I received this information from an alien. As I told my husband, it was in the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink at the bar, alone, and this alien approached me. He started talking to me. He bought me a drink, and then I think he must have used some kind of a ray or a mind control device because he forced me to follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world.

Dr. Peter Venkman: So your alien had a room at the Holiday Inn, Paramus.

Elaine: It might have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room in the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure about that, Peter.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to audience] Of course not! And that is the whole problem with aliens; is you just can't trust them. Occasionally you meet a nice one; Starman, E.T., but usually they turn out to be some kind of big lizard. That's all the time we've got for this week on 'World of the Psychic'. Next week though . . . hairless pets. [holds up a hairless cat] Weird. Until then, this is Peter Venkman saying [puts a finger to his temple and sends out a thought to his viewers](laughs) See you then!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Who wouldn't?

Louis Tully: I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.

Dr. Rayomd Stantz: Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.

Prosecuting Attorney: Why were you digging a hole in First Avenue?

Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, there's so many holes already in First Avenue we didn't think anyone would notice.

Judge Wexler: [two ghosts in electric chairs are attacking the court room] The Scolari brothers!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Friends of yours?

Judge Wexler: I tried them for murder, gave 'em the chair! You've got to do something!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?

[the ghostbusters turn on their proton packs and sing]

Dr. Peter Venkman: Do.

Dr. Raymond Stanz: Re.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Egon.

[Venkman and Stantz stare at Spengler who just smiles at them]

[After catching the Scoleri Brothers in the court room.]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Two in the box!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Ready to go!

Dr. Peter Venkman: We be fast...

All three: ...And they be slow!

Louis Tully: Wow!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Where in the hell are you from anyway, Johnny?

Dr. Janosz Poha: [with slavic accent] The upper vest side...

[Dana hands Oscar to Peter]

Dana: It's late, I really ought to put him down.

Dr. Peter Venkman: May I?

Dana: Yeah, if you want to.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [points in baby's face] You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.

Dr. Peter Venkman: 105 years old? He hung in there, didn't he?

Dr. Rayomd Stantz: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Ouch.

Winston Zeddmore: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?

Dr. Egon Spengler: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door, time is but a window: I'll be back."

[The Ghostbusters are discussing the mood slime.]

Dr. Egon Spengler: We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: We sing to it, talk to it... say supportive, nurturing things to it.

Dr. Peter Venkman: You're not sleeping with it, are you Ray?

[Stantz shakes his head; Spengler looks embarrassed. Venkman notices.]

Winston Zeddmore: It's always the quiet ones.

Dr. Peter Venkman: You hound.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: So you think there's a link between this Viggo person and the uh...slime?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Is the atomic weight of Cobalt 58.9?

Dana: Okay, but after dinner, don't put any of those old cheap moves on me. It's different now.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, no! I have all new cheap moves.

Janine Melniz: [asking about Dana's date] Where's Peter?

Dana Barrett: He got arrested.

Janine Melniz: Typical.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Have you been outside lately? Do you know how weird it is out there? We've taken our own head count! There seem to be three million completely miserable assholes living in the tri-state area!

Hardemeyer: Oh, please!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Excuse me. Three million and one.

Jack Hardemeyer: Hey!

(The mayor concludes he has no choice but to call the Ghostbusters, unaware that Hardemeyer has sent them to an insane asylum.)

Jack Hardemeyer: Wait! Uh... Now, I'm sure there's another way.

Mayor: Jack, I spent an hour last night in my bedroom talking to Fiorello La Guardia, and he's been dead for forty years! (In a demanding tone he continues) Now get me the Ghostbusters.

Dr. Janosz Poha: Don't you know who this is?

Dr. Peter Venkman: (to Janosz) Happy New Year.

Dr. Janosz Poha: He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

[Janosz looks to see that Vigo has disappeared from his portrait]]

Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, Johnny, did you back the wrong horse. (to Ray and Winston) Would you hose him, please?

Dr. Raymond Stanz: ( to Winston) Hose him. [Both spray Janosz with positive slime as he screams and falls motionless to the ground]]

Winston Zeddmore: One down.

Dr. Raymond Stanz: On the ground.

(Vigo's awesome power has paralyzed all of the Ghostbusters. He holds Oscar aloft.)

Vigo: Now we become one.

(Suddenly, singing is heard from outside)

Crowd: 'Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and ne'er brought to mind...'

Dr. Raymond Stanz: Where's that singing coming from?

Winston Zeddmore: The people outside!

(Vigo begins to roar in pain)

Crowd: 'If auld aquaintance be forgot, remember Auld Lang Syne!'

(They continue to sing. Vigo roars, his form becoming less tangible)

Dr. Egon Spengler: He's weakening! The singing is neutralizing the slime!

Dr. Raymond Stanz: I can move!

Dr. Egon Spengler: He's back in the painting!

Dr. Janosz Poha: They will come from behind... Ah, ah... why am I drippings with goo?

Dr. Egon Spengler: You had a violent prolonged transformative psychic episode.

Cast

• Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman
• Dan Aykroyd as Dr. Raymond Stantz
• Sigourney Weaver as Dana Barrett
• Harold Ramis as Dr. Egon Spengler
• Rick Moranis as Louis Tully
• Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddemore
• Annie Potts as Janine Melnitz
• Peter MacNicol as Dr. Janosz Poha
• Harris Yulin as Judge Stephen Wexler
• Janet Margolin as Prosecuting Attorney "Kitten"
• David Marqulies as Mayor Lenny
• Kurt Fuller as Jack Hardemeyer
• Wilhelm von Homburg as Vigo the Carpathian