Girlfriends
Topics
Girlfriends
Quotations
[Dorbell rings]
Toni [pregnant]: If that's you mama it's open, if not, i've got a gun
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Toni: Im actually looking forward to the visit. I don't know if it's because i'm pregnant, but i could actually use a little mommy and me time.
Joan: We are still talking about the same Veretta Childs who embarasses you by wearing a polyester pant-suit and asking for the early-bird special at Spago right?
Toni: Yea, i know it's odd but i feel like being babied before i have this baby. Of course... Veretta never was a story time, tucking in momma, being narcasistic, crazy drunk and all. Aw mamma, good times.
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Todd: You spent $2500 on shoes?
Toni: Boots, Todd. I'm not crazy.
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Maya: [Maya is accusing Darnell of cheating on her with his co-worker at the airport] Joan said she saw you down at the airport with some woman.
Darnell: And if Joan had stayed there she would have seen me down there with a lot of women... that didn't come out right.
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Joan: My mother always said, "When love runs out on you, God sends you love's equivalent... or better."
Toni: I thought she said, "When you run out of love's lubricant, use butter."
Joan: What?
Toni: What? Your momma does mumble. And we both know she's a freak.
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Darnell: We're just not clicking the way we used to.
Maya: Maybe we should pray about it.
Darnell: What?
Maya: A family that prays together, stays together.
Darnell: All right, you pray, I'm going to bed.
Maya: Baby, be angry at me. Don't be angry at the Lord.
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[reciting a poem to make the girls forgive him for something he did]
William: This Charlie can't fly without his angels.
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Toni: [on converting to Judaism] I'm already on standby for heaven as it is. I'm not straying from the path I've chosen.
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Maya: Thanks for watching my little man, Toni.
Toni: No problem. Jamal is a very wise young man.
Maya: For the last time Toni, his name is Jabari.
Toni: But he looks like a Jamal.
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Toni: [referring to Maya's son Jabari] I'm waiting, Ju ju bee.
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Toni: [referring to Maya's son Jabari] We all love Gymboree.
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Toni: Where's my phone sheet?
Shelby Girard: On your zip disk.
Toni: Nuh-uh, I don't zip-a-dee-do that. I want my phone sheet on paper.
Shelby: Has Enron taught you nothing?
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Toni: Shelby, I want my employees to show some initiative but only when I tell them to.
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Maya Wilkes: See, Joan, I told you. Actors aren't smart... and they steal... Winona Ryder... I rest my case.
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Maya Wilkes: [recounting story of Jabari as a newborn] Let's just say LA Transit gets a bad rap. Because they do return lost items.
Toni Childs: You left Jingle-Jangle on the bus?
Maya Wilkes: No! I left Jingle-Jangle at the bus stop.
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Toni: Maya, how'd you get so smart?
Maya: Oh, girl, I'm an authoress. I gots to know stuff.
Toni: I guess you don't "gots" to know grammar.
Maya: At least I didn't miss my baby's first doctor's appointment!
Toni: At least I didn't leave my baby on the bus!
Maya: Bus *stop*! Get it right, bitch.
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Toni: Hey, Jolly Rancher
Jabari: It's *Jabari*!
Toni: Why is he yelling at me in gibberish?
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Julie Fageaux: So... lunch?
Maya: Yeah.
Julie Fageaux: Soho?
Maya: I said yeah, bitch!
Julie: Okay, you know what I'm just trying to do my job, I'm trying to meet your needs. I love your book and I don't know why you feel the need to
come in and attack me.
Maya: What did I do to you?
Julie: You called me a bitch.
Maya: You called me a ho!
Julie: OK... Soho is a neighborhood.
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Maya: Jabari, I said get up and take out the trash now.
Jabari: [mumbling] What, are your legs broke?
Maya: No, but your ass is about to be!
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Maya: [Talking to Toni] Kiss is a noun and a verb, so you can either give my ass a kiss or kiss my ass!
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Maya: [to Lynn]If you keep eating my Christmas cookies,I will slap you into a silent night!
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Joan: It looks like he got this stuff from the side of the road.
Lynn: Hey! That's where I got my loveseat!
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Lynn: So, Maya asked you to be on her panel too Toni?
Toni: Did you not hear me say a panel of *successful* black women?
Lynn: Hmm, i wonder why she didn't ask me.
Toni: Did you not hear me say a panel of *successful* black women?
Lynn: So what am I? The loser who has nothing to say?
Toni: If you wanna sugarcoat it.
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Lynn: [to Donna upon seeing how Joan & William act when planning a Cinco de Mayo celebration] Oh my God, I think this calls for a diabetic coma; hand me your creme brulee!
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Tammy (Kelly Rowland): I'd rather intern at a smaller, agency, where i could really be mentored by someone.
Toni: So now you're asking me for a job?
Tammy: Unpaid.
Toni: Even though I said don't come to this seminar asking me for a job?
Tammy: You also said don't take 'no' for an answer. Look, I can do this. I'm smart, I'm
resourceful, and I'll be damned if I'm goin back to Bakersfield
Toni: Okay, so you're showin a house it has creaky floors.
Tammy: Original hardwoods.
Toni: Unpermitted addition?
Tammy: Bonus room
Toni: Rats in the walls?
Tammy: Perfect for cat-lovers
Toni: There is no internship at Coldwell Banker is there?
Tammy: Not for me.
Toni: See, you can't play me, cause I will always catch you. And if my mother calls?
Tammy: You're out of the country.
Toni: Be at my office at 9!
Toni: (shakes hands with Tammy and walks away while giving her a shifty look)
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Toni [pregnant]: If that's you mama it's open, if not, i've got a gun
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toni: Im actually looking forward to the visit. I don't know if it's because i'm pregnant, but i could actually use a little mommy and me time.
Joan: We are still talking about the same Veretta Childs who embarasses you by wearing a polyester pant-suit and asking for the early-bird special at Spago right?
Toni: Yea, i know it's odd but i feel like being babied before i have this baby. Of course... Veretta never was a story time, tucking in momma, being narcasistic, crazy drunk and all. Aw mamma, good times.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Todd: You spent $2500 on shoes?
Toni: Boots, Todd. I'm not crazy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maya: [Maya is accusing Darnell of cheating on her with his co-worker at the airport] Joan said she saw you down at the airport with some woman.
Darnell: And if Joan had stayed there she would have seen me down there with a lot of women... that didn't come out right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joan: My mother always said, "When love runs out on you, God sends you love's equivalent... or better."
Toni: I thought she said, "When you run out of love's lubricant, use butter."
Joan: What?
Toni: What? Your momma does mumble. And we both know she's a freak.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darnell: We're just not clicking the way we used to.
Maya: Maybe we should pray about it.
Darnell: What?
Maya: A family that prays together, stays together.
Darnell: All right, you pray, I'm going to bed.
Maya: Baby, be angry at me. Don't be angry at the Lord.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[reciting a poem to make the girls forgive him for something he did]
William: This Charlie can't fly without his angels.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toni: [on converting to Judaism] I'm already on standby for heaven as it is. I'm not straying from the path I've chosen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maya: Thanks for watching my little man, Toni.
Toni: No problem. Jamal is a very wise young man.
Maya: For the last time Toni, his name is Jabari.
Toni: But he looks like a Jamal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toni: [referring to Maya's son Jabari] I'm waiting, Ju ju bee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toni: [referring to Maya's son Jabari] We all love Gymboree.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toni: Where's my phone sheet?
Shelby Girard: On your zip disk.
Toni: Nuh-uh, I don't zip-a-dee-do that. I want my phone sheet on paper.
Shelby: Has Enron taught you nothing?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toni: Shelby, I want my employees to show some initiative but only when I tell them to.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maya Wilkes: See, Joan, I told you. Actors aren't smart... and they steal... Winona Ryder... I rest my case.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maya Wilkes: [recounting story of Jabari as a newborn] Let's just say LA Transit gets a bad rap. Because they do return lost items.
Toni Childs: You left Jingle-Jangle on the bus?
Maya Wilkes: No! I left Jingle-Jangle at the bus stop.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toni: Maya, how'd you get so smart?
Maya: Oh, girl, I'm an authoress. I gots to know stuff.
Toni: I guess you don't "gots" to know grammar.
Maya: At least I didn't miss my baby's first doctor's appointment!
Toni: At least I didn't leave my baby on the bus!
Maya: Bus *stop*! Get it right, bitch.
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Toni: Hey, Jolly Rancher
Jabari: It's *Jabari*!
Toni: Why is he yelling at me in gibberish?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Julie Fageaux: So... lunch?
Maya: Yeah.
Julie Fageaux: Soho?
Maya: I said yeah, bitch!
Julie: Okay, you know what I'm just trying to do my job, I'm trying to meet your needs. I love your book and I don't know why you feel the need to
come in and attack me.
Maya: What did I do to you?
Julie: You called me a bitch.
Maya: You called me a ho!
Julie: OK... Soho is a neighborhood.
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Maya: Jabari, I said get up and take out the trash now.
Jabari: [mumbling] What, are your legs broke?
Maya: No, but your ass is about to be!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maya: [Talking to Toni] Kiss is a noun and a verb, so you can either give my ass a kiss or kiss my ass!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maya: [to Lynn]If you keep eating my Christmas cookies,I will slap you into a silent night!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joan: It looks like he got this stuff from the side of the road.
Lynn: Hey! That's where I got my loveseat!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynn: So, Maya asked you to be on her panel too Toni?
Toni: Did you not hear me say a panel of *successful* black women?
Lynn: Hmm, i wonder why she didn't ask me.
Toni: Did you not hear me say a panel of *successful* black women?
Lynn: So what am I? The loser who has nothing to say?
Toni: If you wanna sugarcoat it.
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Lynn: [to Donna upon seeing how Joan & William act when planning a Cinco de Mayo celebration] Oh my God, I think this calls for a diabetic coma; hand me your creme brulee!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tammy (Kelly Rowland): I'd rather intern at a smaller, agency, where i could really be mentored by someone.
Toni: So now you're asking me for a job?
Tammy: Unpaid.
Toni: Even though I said don't come to this seminar asking me for a job?
Tammy: You also said don't take 'no' for an answer. Look, I can do this. I'm smart, I'm
resourceful, and I'll be damned if I'm goin back to Bakersfield
Toni: Okay, so you're showin a house it has creaky floors.
Tammy: Original hardwoods.
Toni: Unpermitted addition?
Tammy: Bonus room
Toni: Rats in the walls?
Tammy: Perfect for cat-lovers
Toni: There is no internship at Coldwell Banker is there?
Tammy: Not for me.
Toni: See, you can't play me, cause I will always catch you. And if my mother calls?
Tammy: You're out of the country.
Toni: Be at my office at 9!
Toni: (shakes hands with Tammy and walks away while giving her a shifty look)
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