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Happy Gilmore
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Quotations
  Topics Happy Gilmore Quotations
Quotations
Happy Gilmore is a 1996 film about a rejected hockey player who puts his skills to the golf course to save his grandmother's house.
Directed by Dennis Dugan. Written by Tim Herlihy and Adam Sandler

He doesn't play golf... he destroys it. taglines

Dialogue

Chubbs: Golf's no different from hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.
Happy: Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant, probably a great golfer, huge ass.
Chubbs: Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball 400 yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!
Happy: And how would I do that?
Chubbs: You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows, maybe you'll win the Tour Championship. Get that gold jacket that I never got.
Happy: Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?




[Shooter McGavin is taking a shot]
Mr. Larson: Trying to reach the green from here, Shooter?
Shooter McGavin: That's not possible, sir.
Mr. Larson: I beg to differ, Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.
Shooter McGavin: (turning round and seeing Mr. Larson) Well, moron, good for Happy Gilm-OH MY GOD!!



[Happy is at the mini-golf course on a clown obstacle]
Chubbs: All right, this one's very tough.

[Happy hits the ball, but the clown's teeth descend, knocking the ball back and the clown laughs mockingly]
Happy: (sarcastically) Ha ha ha, he's laughing, he's having a good time, good for you, yeah laugh, enjoy your night, ha ha ha!
Chubbs: Come on, Happy,concentrate.

[Happy hits the ball again, but once again, the ball is blocked by the clown's teeth and it laughs mockingly again]
Happy: (looks ready to attack the clown, but holds himself back) I hate that clown.
Chubbs: Easy! If you can't beat the clown, how are you gonna beat Shooter McGavin?

[Happy concentrates and hits the ball. This time, the clown teeth don't descend and the ball goes in]
Happy: Yeah! (Clown makes a hawking noise, spits the ball back out and laughs mockingly again) YOU'RE GONNA DIE, CLOWN!!! (walks up to the clown and smashes its nose off.) YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?!! I DON'T HEAR YOU LAUGHING NOW!!
Chubbs: Hey hey hey! Enough! Enough!
Happy: But I can't do it!
Chubbs: Come with me Happy. Come on!
Happy: SUCK YOU STUPID CLOWN!




Announcer: We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
Barker: I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.
Happy: You better relax, Bob.
Barker: There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Happy: All right. Let's go!
[he punches Barker in the face]
Happy: You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me?!
Barker: [shakes his head as he get up from the ground] I don't want a piece of you. I want the whole THING!
[he repeatedly punches Happy vigorously until he hits the water]
Happy: [angrily emerges from the water] Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!
[he and Barker continue fighting, and they roll down the hill, until Happy conks Barker in the head and gets back on his feet]
Man from behind: [cheers Happy on] Happy!
Happy: The Price is wrong, bitch!
[Barker suddenly chokes Happy and punches him 3 times]
Barker: I think you've had enough.
[Happy tries to get back up again]
Barker: No?
[he kicks Happy in the face once more]
Barker: Now you've had enough. [sets off, then turns back to Happy] Bitch.


Happy Gilmore: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah.
[Virginia shoots puck and scores]
Happy Gilmore: Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.
Virginia: Happy... I didn't see it go in.
[They kiss]

Cast

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