Sourced

• Child! Do not throw this book about;
  Refrain from the unholy pleasure
  Of cutting all the pictures out!
  Preserve it as your chiefest treasure.
  • The Bad Child's Book of Beasts (1896) Dedication

• What! Would you slap the Porcupine?
  Unhappy child — desist!
  Alas! That any friend of mine
  Should turn Tupto-philist.
  • More Beasts for Worse Children: The Porcupine

• From quiet homes and first beginning, Out to the undiscovered ends, There's nothing worth the wear of winning, But laughter and the love of friends.
  • Verses (1910) "Dedicatory Ode"

• It is sometimes necessary to lie damnably in the interests of the nation.
  • Letter to G.K. Chesterton (12 December 1917)

• Whatever happens, we have got
  The Maxim gun, and they have not.
  • The Modern Traveller (1898)

• I'm tired of Love; I'm still more tired of Rhyme. But money gives me pleasure all the time.
  • "Fatigued", Sonnets and Verse (1923)

• Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine, There’s always laughter and good red wine. At least I’ve always found it so. Benedicamus Domino!
  • "The Catholic Sun"

• I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.
  • As quoted in Lifetime Speaker's Encyclopedia (1962) edited by Jacob Morton Braude, p. 829
  • Variant: I have wandered all my life, and I have traveled; the difference between the two is this — we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.
    • As quoted in Traveling for Her: An Inspirational Guide (2008) by Amber Israelsen, p. 2

• Of courtesy it is much less
  Than courage of heart or holiness
  Yet in my walks it seems to me
  That the Grace of God is in courtesy.
  • "Courtesy"

• Here richly, with ridiculous display,
  The Politician's corpse was laid away.
  While all of his acquaintance sneered and slanged
  I wept: for I had longed to see him hanged.
  • "Epitaph on the Politician Himself"

• May all my enemies go to hell,
  Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel.
  • Drinking Song from The Four Men

• In soft deluding lies let fools delight. A shadow marks our days, which end in Night.
  • For a sundial.

• Write as the wind blows and command all words like an army!
  • The Road to Rome

• All men have an instinct for conflict: at least, all healthy men.
  • The Silence of the Sea

• Statistics are the triumph of the quantitative method, and the quantitative method is the victory of sterility and death.
  • The Silence of the Sea

• The moment a man talks to his fellows he begins to lie.
  • The Silence of the Sea

• The Microbe is so very small
  You cannot make him out at all,
  But many sanguine people hope
  To see him through a microscope.
  • "The Microbe"

• Oh! let us never, never doubt
  What nobody is sure about!
  • "The Microbe"

• Pale Ebenezer thought it wrong to fight,
  But Roaring Bill (who killed him) thought it right.
  • "The Pacifist"

• Now the faith is old and the Devil bold
  Exceedingly bold indeed.
  And the masses of doubt that are floating about
  Would smother a mortal creed.
  But we that sit in a sturdy youth
  And still can drink strong ale
  Let us put it away to infallible truth
  That always shall prevail.
  And thank the Lord
  For the temporal sword
  And howling heretics too.
  And all good things
  Our Christendom brings
  But especially barley brew!
  • The Pelagian Drinking Song

• The world is full of double beds
  And most delightful maidenheads,
  Which being so, there’s no excuse
  For sodomy or self-abuse.
  • "The world is full of double beds"

• I shoot the Hippopotamus
  With bullets made of platinum,
  Because if I use leaden ones
  His hide is sure to flatten 'em.
  • "The Hippopotamus"

• Torture will give a dozen pence or more
  To keep a drab from bawling at his door.
  The public taste is quite a different thing—
  Torture is positively paid to sing.
  • "On Torture: A Public Singer"

• It was my shame, and now it is my boast,
  That I have loved you rather more than most.
  • "Time Cures All"

• A lovely river, all alone,
  She lingers in the hills and holds
  A hundred little towns of stone,
  Forgotten in the western wolds.
  • "The Evenlode"

• You shall receive me when the clouds are high
  With evening and the sheep attain the fold.
  This is the faith that I have held and hold,
  And this is that in which I mean to die.
  • "Ballade to Our Lady of Czestochowa"

• Of three in One and One in three
  My narrow mind would doubting be
  Till Beauty, Grace and Kindness met
  And all at once were Juliet.
  • "A Trinity"

• How did the party go in Portman Square?
  I cannot tell you; Juliet was not there.
  And how did Lady Gaster's party go?
  Juliet was next me and I do not know.
  • "Juliet"

• That I grow sour, who only lack delight;
  That I descend to sneer, who only grieve;
  That from my depth I should
  condemn your height,
  That with my blame my mockery you receive—
  Huntress and splendor of the woodland night—
  Diana of this world, do not believe.
  • Verse written for Lady Diana Cooper

• Kings live in Palaces, and Pigs in sties,
  And youth in Expectation. Youth is wise.
  • "Kings live in Palaces, and Pigs in sties"

• When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
  'His sins were scarlet, But his books were read'.
  • "On His Books"

Heroic Poem in Praise of Wine

• To exalt, enthrone, establish and defend,
  To welcome home mankind's mysterious friend
  Wine, true begetter of all arts that be;
  Wine, privilege of the completely free;
  Wine the recorder; wine the sagely strong;
  Wine, bright avenger of sly-dealing wrong,
  Awake, Ausonian Muse, and sing the vineyard song!

• By thee do seers the inward light discern;
  By thee the statue lives, the Gods return.

• When the ephemeral vision's lure is past
  All, all, must face their Passion at the last.

• So touch my dying lip: so bridge that deep:
  So pledge my waking from the gift of sleep,
  And, sacramental, raise me the Divine:
  Strong brother in God and last companion, Wine.