Justice League Quotations

The Justice League (2001-2004) and Justice League Unlimited (2004-2006) were animated television shows based on associated comic book characters published by DC Comics. In most incarnations, the Justice League's roster includes DC's most popular characters and thus many of the most recognizable superheroes in pop culture.

Secret Origins

Senator Carter: [on Mars] Would you look at that? It's a little slice of Heaven.

Astronaut: If your idea of Heaven is a barren, lifeless rock.

[Superman lays Batman, unconscious, on a stretcher and flies away. A medic takes his pulse, then reaches for his mask.]

Batman: [grabbing her wrist] Don't even think about it.

Martian Manhunter: [after changing to a more human form] I am J'onn J'onzz.

[He offers his hand to Batman, who just stands there.]

Superman: Don't take it personally, J'onn. He doesn't trust anyone.

Martian Manhunter: A wise policy.

Superman: I once thought I could protect the world by myself, but I was wrong. Working together, we saved the planet, and I believe that if we stay together as a team, we could be a force that could truly work for the ideals of peace and justice.

The Flash: What, like a bunch of... super friends?

Superman: More like a Justice League.

Batman: I'm not really a people person. But, when you need help - and you will - call me.

[The league is in the watchtower for the first time.]

Superman:[looking out the window]: Incredible...

Do your stock holder's know about this Bruce?

Batman: A line item hidden in the aerospace R&D budget.

In Blackest Night

Martian Manhunter: Wonder Woman is on another case, Superman's dealing with an earthquake and Batman would only say that he is "busy".

Hawkgirl: Typical!

[Flash catches Hawkgirl after getting thrown]

Flash: Aren't you gonna thank me?

Hawkgirl: Down, boy.

Flash: Don't you have any lawyers here?

Judges: We solved our lawyer problem a long time ago. However, you could speak for him, if you wish. But be aware, if you lose, you'll share the same penalty as the accused.

Flash: The same penalty? You mean... that's crazy!

Judge: No, that's how we solved our lawyer problem.

Flash: [buying time defending Green Lantern] Ahem. Right. Sure. But first, I'd like to say a few words about... about habeus corpus. Yeah, habeus corpus! And ipso... facto! Phi Beta Kappa!

...

Flash: [still defending Green Lantern] Have you asked yourself, "why this rush to judgment?" If the ring wasn't lit, you must acquit, and furthermore...

Prosecutor: How much more must we hear? We demand an immediate judgment!

Flash: I object!

Judges: [in unison] OVERRULED!

Flash: I'm sorry. I did everything I could.

Green Lantern: I wish you hadn't.

Flash: [being moved toward the execution chamber] Whoa, time out! I want an appeal!

Green Lantern: Will you show some dignity for once in your life?

Flash: This isn't right. We can't just sit here.

Green Lantern: We have to. Think of the others like us. We all need to be held accountable. We have too much power not to be.

Green Lantern: In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power: Green Lantern's light!!

The Enemy Below

Superman: You know, all this could have been avoided.

Aquaman: How?

Superman: Come and air your grievances at the World Assembly. Negotiate for peace.

Aquaman: You'd have me crawl to them like some beggar?

Superman: No. Stand before them like a king.

Green Lantern: We never should have left that sub down there. Now it's in the hands of that madman.

Wonder Woman: Aquaman's no madman. He's a king. He only wants to preserve and protect his own kind.

Green Lantern: So who's going to protect us from him?

Batman: I'll take it from here. [takes Deadshot away from the group]

Deadshot: You can't scare me, Batman.

Batman: [grabbing him] Let me give you one word of advice...

[Batman whispers something indistinct.]

Deadshot: Okay, I'll tell, I'll tell.

Wonder Woman: [to Superman] What did he say?

Superman: You don't want to know.

[Aquaman jumps off of a jetski and onto the back of a giant killer whale, which jumps through the air and lands on a large group of soldiers before submerging.]

Green Lantern: I saw it, but I still don't believe it.

Batman: There's not much time. If we can't shut that down, the entire world is doomed!

Green Lantern: I suppose this is a bad time to say "I told you so."

Injustice For All

Martian Manhunter: [to Luthor] So much for your image as a benevolent businessman. This is the end of an era.

Lex Luthor: The end of your era, maybe.

[Luthor interrupts the Ultra-Humanite's opera program]

Luthor: Humanite! How can you stand that caterwauling?!

Ultra-Humanite: Music is one of the meager pleasures I'm allowed in here, along with a few other necessities. You should try the culture channel. It might improve your disposition.

Luthor: There's nothing wrong with my disposition that a little freedom wouldn't cure.

Ultra-Humanite: That's not what I hear.

Luthor: ... I need your help. And I can make it worth your while.

Ultra-Humanite: What do I need with money?

Luthor: Everyone needs money. The only question is, how much?

Hawkgirl: I'm used to being thanked when I save someone.

Batman: I'm not used to being saved.

Shade: Lex Luthor? Well, the plot thins.

[Luthor is knocked back during the battle with the Justice League]

Ultra-Humanite: There goes our paycheck. [catches him] I'd hate to see anything happen to you, Lex.

Luthor: I'm sure (!)

[About Copperhead, who was captured after biting Batman]

Superman: I'm going down to interrogate him.

Batman: Alright. Let's go.

Superman: No, you're staying here. That venom almost killed you.

Batman: So?

[Batman, recovering from being poisoned, is typing at a computer.]

Martian Manhunter: You really should be resting. [Batman keeps typing] I know this must be hard for you, feeling vulnerable. You're the only one of us without special powers, but you don't need to prove yourself. You're a valued member of this team, and we're only trying to--

Batman: [Gets up] I'm taking the shuttle. Unless you want to try and stop me.

Martian Manhunter: [pauses] No. [moves out of the way]

[After the Injustice Gang fail to defeat the Justice League]

Luthor: "The best at what you do". What was I thinking?!

Cheetah: We did what we could.

Luthor: Did you?! Did you fight like your lives depended on it? Did you fight to the last man?

Shade: You get what you pay for, Luthor.

Luthor: Are you asking for more money? You want to be rewarded for failure?! I oughta take the whole bunch of you and--

Solomon Grundy: [grabs him around the neck] And what?!

Luthor: Go ahead. Do it. You'll be saving me months of bedpans and feeding tubes. And you'll also ensure that none of you will ever see a penny from me!

Solomon Grundy: [pauses, then drops Luthor] You're crazy.

Joker: [entering] And what's wrong with that? It's done wonders for me!

Joker: But seriously, Lex, you need me.

Luthor: Like I need skin rash.

Joker: [to Luthor, who has imprisoned Batman] You're not going to leave him like this, are you?

Luthor: Why?

Joker: Hello?! He's still alive.

Luthor: [stern] And he's staying that way until I say we don't need him anymore.

Joker: Lexy, Lexy, listen to a man who knows. [whispering and pointing to Luthor's gun] Don't wait. Do it now.

Luthor: You don't like my decisions? Leave! [pushes him away]

Joker: And they say I'm crazy...

[Superman and Flash interrogate Copperhead]

Copperhead: I keep telling you, I don't know anything! I'm just...

Flash: [at the same time as him] ... "an innocent victim of circumstances". Yeah, we know.

[Superman grabs Copperhead and pushes him against a wall]

Superman: Copperhead, when are you going to get some sense and tell us where Luthor is?!

Copperhead: [not intimidated] Oooh, this must be the part where I get so scared, I spill my guts (!)

Superman: I'm warning you...

Copperhead: What are you gonna do, boy-scout? Short my sheets? Give me a wedgie?

Superman: [drops Copperhead, and turns to two guards] Take him back to a holding cell.

Copperhead: [being taken away] Hasta la vista! [hisses]

Flash: [sarcastically] That went well.

Superman: How does Batman do it?

[Cheetah is supposed to be guarding Batman, but they end up talking about her past]

Batman: So what happened then?

Cheetah: My research opened up whole new worlds. There was so much to do...

Batman: But so little funding.

Cheetah: You know about that?

Batman: You didn't have enough for test subjects, so you used yourself.

Cheetah: And now I'm a freak.

Batman: That's not what I see. I see someone who was willing to sacrifice everything for a cause she believed in.

Cheetah: [softens] How do you know so much about me?

Batman: Let's just say, cats aren't the only creatures who are curious.

Cheetah: [sidles up to him] Too much curiosity can be dangerous.

Batman: Maybe I like danger.

Cheetah: Do you?

Batman: [whispers] Try me.

[She kisses him]

[While Cheetah "guards" Batman]

Joker: She's been down there too long...

Luthor: Forget it. There's no way I'm leaving you alone with him.

[Luthor stumbles, clutching his heart]

Shade: Maybe we should get paid now...

Luthor: [as the villains desert him] No! We can still win if we lure them here! I have a plan, but we've got to stick together.

Solomon Grundy: Grundy not that dumb.

Luthor: [attacking Superman with Kryptonite radiation] Why so surprised, Superman? It's a basic rule of business: turn every weakness into a strength. Of course, that's a lesson you won't live to appreciate.

Ultra-Humanite: Neither will you, Lex. [electrocutes him from behind]

Luthor: [dazed] Et tu, Humanite? [passes out]

Joker: How did you get free?!

Batman: I could have escaped from that trap at any time. But I thought I'd hang around to keep an eye on you clowns. [punches Joker]

Joker: [dazed] You're dethpicable! [passes out]

Paradise Lost

Wonder Woman: [practicing to return to her mother] "You look more radiant than ever!" ... No. "Gone, mother? I didn't go anywhere. I was in my room!... alone... for eight months"... definitely not. ... "The world was in peril! Would you have me stand by and do nothing?!" ... Hera, give me strength...

[On a museum plaque:]

6th century BC

Earliest known example of a red-figured amphora

Artist: Unknown

Wonder Woman: Menalippe! Good for you. I always said your work was museum-quality.

Wonder Woman: I am Diana, Princess of the Amazons! I won't be denied!

Flash: Picture it - The sun. The sea. Hundreds of women just like her running around, and me: the first man they've seen in... oh, maybe forever. Oh, and look what I brought: Iced mochas for everyone! Sweet.

Martian Manhunter: I fail to see the attraction.

Flash: Man, you really are from Mars.

Wonder Woman: [walking through a mall] It's like some kind of temple.

Superman: Yes, for those who worship their credit cards.

[Descending to the gateway to Tartarus]

Flash: Ugh - what's that smell?

Wonder Woman: Don't ask.

War World

Mongul: Rebellion? There's not going to be any rebellion. Not if I can keep giving them fights - good ones. Enough to take their minds off their troubles.

Green Lantern: Relax. All we want is information about our friends. You can talk to me... [points to Hawkgirl] Or you can talk to her. [Hawkgirl slaps her mace into one hand]

Mongul: Are you ready, Kryptonian?

Superman: I won't fight for your amusement, Mongul.

Superman: Draaga, we don't have to do this!

Draaga: You don't have a choice - neither of us does.

[Security robots are attempting to destroy Superman as the crowd (and the Martian Manhunter) look on.]

Martian Manhunter: No! The Kryptonian won! Don't you want to see him fight again?

Spectator: I gotta admit, he's a real champ!

Martian Manhunter: He's more than that - he's a Superman!

Superman: You've earned a chance for a whole new life.

Draaga: What's life without honor? I'm not worthy.

Superman: Draaga, the real test of honor isn't how you die. It's how you live.

The Brave And The Bold

Solovar: Get your stinking paws off me, you dirty human!

Flash: I can't think - I'm tired and hungry...

Detective: Maybe some coffee will help. How do you take it?

Flash: Cream and 37 sugars. [the detective starts, then looks at him incredulously] Really.

Flash: Let's see, after I caught the gorilla, he told me that...

Green Lantern: He talked to you.

Flash: Yeah, right after I stopped his car.

Green Lantern: I'm supposed to believe this?

Flash: Hey, we've both got a Martian's phone number on our speed dial. I think I deserve the benefit of the doubt here.

Solovar: Was that really necessary?

Green Lantern: Okay, so he can talk.

Dr. Corwin: [fires at Flash, only to suddenly find him next to her] How...

Flash: You blinked.

Gorilla Grodd: People of Central City! The age of hairless, simple-minded humanity is over! Today, a new age dawns. Today, Grodd rules.

[Crowd cheers]

Gorilla Grodd: Humans are slow, ugly, immoral, and have an unpleasant body odor!

Flash: Hey, who you calling slow?

Green Lantern: Flash, don't heckle the supervillain.

Grodd: You're a bigger fool than I thought.

Flash: Oh yeah? Well, you're...naked!

Fury

[About Aresia]

Copperhead: I like her style.

Shade: A definite improvement over Luthor.

Saleswoman: It's the latest scent! You wear this, and you'll have to beat the men off with a stick.

Wonder Woman: Believe me - I don't need a stick.

Wonder Woman: Amazons don't steal. It's against our code. And we never leave the island.

Batman: Never?

Hawkgirl: But who wants to live in a world without men?

Wonder Woman: They can't possibly be that essential to your life.

Hawkgirl: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, Princess.

Wonder Woman: If only Aeresia could have learned to see the noble qualities in you men.

Flash: [eating a donut] I definitely could have taught that bad babe a thing or two about guys. Too bad we never met. [washes it down with a soda; burps]

Wonder Woman: Maybe it's... just as well.

Legends

Sergeant O'Shaugnessy: Music Master! Put up your hands and drop the Stradivarius!

Music Master: Sorry, Sergeant - I don't take requests.

Hawkgirl: [strained, to Black Siren] So, you fight crime and bake cookies. How do you do it?

Green Lantern: I know it sounds corny, but those comics taught me what it meant to be a hero. Without them... well, maybe I wouldn't have this ring today.

Flash: Oh-kay.

[Hawkgirl walks by with a tray of cookies.]

Flash: Hey, Cookie.

Hawkgirl: One word and you'll be the fastest man alive with a limp.

Green Lantern: It's an honor to fight beside you.

Streak: The feeling's mutual. You're a credit to your people, son.

Green Lantern: Uh... thanks.

Streak: [after Sir Swami escapes] A pity he uses his talents for evil, rather than entertain children at birthday parties.

Music Master: Badaba to the fat lady - may she keep on singing!

Flash: Like I said, you never had a snowball's chance in-

Black Siren: Flash, look!

[Flash sees a truck full of dynamite on a collision course with a bus full of nuns, who gasp and cross themselves.]

Flash: You've gotta be kidding.

Dr. Blizzard: Ha! You can't escape my killing chill.

Flash: I'm just getting warmed up!

The Sportsman: What's this? New player? No matter, watch the birdie.

[Explosion throws Catman forward]

The Sportsman: Game, Set, Match.

[The Justice Guild watch as Ray brutally attacks and defeats the Justice League]

Black Siren: WAIT! What if J'onn's right? That means that if Ray goes, so do we.

[The Justice Guild linger for a moment, wondering what to do.]

Streak: We died once to save this world. We can do it again.

[The Justice Guild attack Ray]

Ray: You can't do this! I made you!

Tom Turbine: In Seaboard City, crime doesn't pay.

Hawkgirl: Are you okay?

Green Lantern: It's stupid really - why should I feel like this? I mean, they weren't even real.

Hawkgirl: They gave their lives for us. That's real enough for me.

A Knight Of Shadows

Etrigan: For the past generation she has hidden from me, but I will never rest until her soul burns in the Eternal Pit.

Flash: And I thought Bats was creepy.

Etrigan: The witch has an amulet which can sense when I'm drawing near.

Flash: With that stench, who needs an amulet?

Etrigan: Heed me. She will tap into your deepest desires, and dangle them like a carrot in front of your nose. She will give you everything you dream of - but only until she gets what she wants.

Batman: The voice of experience?

Etrigan: [grumbles] Don't say I didn't warn you.

Morgaine le Fey: [after draining the Hall of Records clerk of her life energy] Youth is so wasted on the young. [looks around at the computers] Don't these people believe in books anymore?

Etrigan: I still don't trust that Martian. He's damaged goods.

Batman: I trust J'onn with my life.

Etrigan: I'll send flowers.

[Flash and Wonder Woman try to get into Harv Hickman's Halloween party]

Flash: Harv Hickman? The magazine publisher?

Wonder Woman: You know his work?

Flash: I, uh, only read it for the articles.

Flash: [elbowing through crowd] Sorry, official world-saving business.

Bouncer: Are you on the list?

Wonder Woman: This is an emergency. We're with the Justice League.

Bouncer: Heh. Sure, lady. [gestures to costumed party-goers, some dressed as superheroes] So are they.

Martian Manhunter: [to Batman] I know what I experienced was an illusion, but it felt so real. The urge to embrace it was more than I could bear. Sometimes I believe I would do anything to see my loved ones again. You can't imagine how that feels.

Wonder Woman: Let me understand this - you possess the most powerful object in the world, and yet all you wished for is money and women?

Harv Hickman: What else is there?

Flash: [putting the Philosopher's Stone in the Watchtower vault] Ha. I'd like to see her try and get it now.

Etrigan: Be careful what you wish for, little man.

[After Morgaine le Fey successfully uses the Martian Manhunter to steal the Stone from the Watchtower]

Etrigan: You stupid, ignorant, pathetic excuses for heroes!!

Wonder Woman: It can't be....

Etrigan: Oh, really, your highness?! Take another look! I pursued that witch for centuries, and yet you've blindly ignored my warnings and doomed the world!

Wonder Woman: Enough! [slaps him.]

Etrigan: [rubs jaw] The truth hurts, doesn't it, Princess?

Wonder Woman: Why don't you go straight to--

Flash: [rushing in] More bad news!

Flash: Go find some other house to haunt!

Wonder Woman: He didn't mean that.

Etrigan: Do you think I care?

Flash: [After teleporting through dimensions] Ding! Fifth floor, hardware, sporting goods, evil sorceresses!

Metamorphosis

Oil Driller: 870 feet. We drill much deeper, and we'll hit New Zealand.

Rex Mason: Still in uniform, I see - though it's not exactly standard Marine corps issue.

Green Lantern: I signed up with a new unit.

Rex: So I heard.

Bank robber: [riding in armored car, sees Justice League] Uh-oh. Long-Johns at 10:00.

The Savage Time

Superman: Prepare the landing bay. We’re coming in.

Batman: Just when I was starting to enjoy the peace and quiet.

Superman: Same old Bats.

Stormtrooper: Let's see your identity papers. Now!

Flash: Sorry, but my identity's a secret. Chicks dig that whole "man of mystery" thing.

Flash: Bats, you're starting to scare me.

Alternate Batman: I scare a lot of people.

Martian Manhunter: You understand that if we do change the past, you - this version of you - will never have existed?

Alternate Batman: Nothing would make me happier.

Vandal Savage: [seeing Martian Manhunter] Who would have thought the Übermensch would be green?

Vandal Savage: I'm not from the future... [gestures to a laptop computer] but this is. Sixty years from now, it will be a child's toy. But today, it's the most powerful weapon on Earth.

Wonder Woman: You're a strange one, Steve Trevor. You have no special powers, yet you're willing to risk your life here. Aren't you afraid of dying?

Steve Trevor: Some things are worth dying for, Angel.

Superman: Batman! It’s really you! [hugs him]

Batman: ...Am I missing something?

Superman: Sorry, it’s just that…well, it’s a long story.

Twilight

Martian Manhunter: I was just thinking...you, me, Wonder Woman, Superman - we are all of us orphans and exiles.

Hawkgirl: Maybe we should call ourselves the "Just Us League."

[Darkseid informs Superman that Brainiac is still alive and is now attacking Apokolips]

Darkseid: You know his pattern, Kal-El. Once he's finished siphoning the memory banks and technology of my planet...

Superman: He'll annihilate it. Good.

Hawkgirl: So what are you saying? You'd sacrifice millions of lives just because you don't like this guy?

Superman: You don't know Darkseid like I do.

Batman: We know he used you, humiliated you, brainwashed you, wound you up like a tin soldier and turned you loose against Earth. [Gets right up in Superman's face] Cry me a river. On the outside chance that this isn't one of his schemes, we have to take action--so I suggest you get over it.

Martian Manhunter: Brainiac has already destroyed countless civilizations and now he threatens another. Do you want this to be the legacy of your people?

Wonder Woman: Who are you?

Forager: They call me Forager.

Batman: Do you know someone named Orion?

Forager: Orion! I am just an unworthy Bug; Orion is a god who is far above us.

Wonder Woman: You're too modest. You've shown courage, compassion...

Forager : No, no, you don't understand! All the gods are far above us. (Points up into the sky towards Supertown.)

Batman: I'm gonna need a longer grapple.

Brainiac: Welcome, Kal-El. Once I offered you the chance to join me in carrying on the legacy of Krypton. Today, I renew that offer.

Superman: You must be joking.

Brainiac: Why do you reject your great heritage? The entire history of your planet, its knowledge and splendor, its awe and mystery are encoded within me.

Hawkgirl: Superman, don't -

[Superman stops her]

Brainiac: I am Krypton.

Superman: You're a perversion, dishonoring the very memory of my father and all my people.

Brainiac: And this is your final decision?

Superman: Read my lips: go to -

Brainiac: Unfortunate - but predictable.

Highfather: It's hard, isn't it? But we must lovingly tend our garden if we want it to grow strong and tall.

Little girl: I hate this.

Highfather: What's wrong, child?

Little girl: I've tried, Highfather, really I have, but look! [Gestures to her small plant]

Highfather: Patience, my dear. Everything has a purpose, and a place.

Little girl: Everything? [Flicks a ladybug off of a leaf]

Highfather: Given time.

Batman: Next time I let Superman take charge, just hit me. Real hard.

Brainiac: You deceived me, Darkseid. Used me.

Darkseid: It's what I do.

Darkseid:[to Superman] You of all people should know that the universe is filled with chaos, confusion and uncertainty. I will tear it down to nothing, and then rebuild it, bringing order and discipline at last. Think of it, Superman - a new universe created in my image.

[Martian Manhunter is using one of Brainiac's bodies as a shield as he shoots at the others.]

Batman: Having fun?

Martian Manhunter: Yes.

Darkseid: Have you forgotten that I've already beaten you, humbled you, broken you? What makes this time any different?

Superman: Because this time, I'm not stopping until you're just a greasy smear on my fist. Let's go.

Darkseid: [Trapped on an exploding asteroid after Superman abandons their fight] Loser.

Tabula Rasa

Wonder Woman: Hera help us!

Green Lantern: She'd better - no one else can.

Amazo: [upon scanning Batman] You don't have any powers.

Batman: I have this. [Pulls out piece of kryptonite. Amazo begins to suffer its effects.] It's a package deal. You get our powers, but you get our weaknesses too.

[Amazo jumps off the building into the sewer.]

Hawkgirl: You always carry a piece of kryptonite with you?

Batman: Call it insurance.

Hawkgirl: And they say I'm scary.

[Jo'nn lands in front of Amazo]

Luthor: You know what to do!

Jo'nn: [calmly] Yes. You know.

[Amazo scans Jo'nn and gains his abilities]

Luthor: Nothing can stop you now! You have all their powers!

Jo'nn: Use them well.

[Amazo reads Lex's mind, and realizes that he's been lied to.]

Amazo: There's nothing here for me now.

[Amazo flies into space]

Wonder Woman: Where did he go?

Jo'nn: Where gods belong.

Lex Luthor: Oh stop. He's just a machine. I don't care how much power he has, he's no god.

Superman: Then why do I have a feeling that if he ever comes back, you're going to be doing a lot of praying?

Martian Manhunter: Perhaps we'll all be praying.

Only A Dream

Police Officer: Hold it right there, Grundy! This is as far as you go!

[Grundy lifts a dumpster.]

Copperhead: Are you crazy?!

Grundy: No, MAD!

Copperhead: I'm so dead...

Copperhead: [jumps onto Hawkgirl's back] You're flying me outta here, right now!

[Hawkgirl flies straight up into the air, then stops]

Copperhead: What are you doing?! Get me outta here!

Hawkgirl: And if I don't?

Copperhead: [flicks his tongue] I give you your last kiss...

Hawkgirl: And you fall forty stories.

[Copperhead looks down in terror]

Hawkgirl: [smiles] Didn't really think this through, did you?

[Grundy crashes after a huge fall]

Hawkgirl: [to Copperhead (who's still clinging to her)] He'll live. You won't.

Copperhead: I'm not scared!

Green Lantern: Then maybe this'll help: you do anything to her, and you won't even make it to the ground.

Child: That was some sweet banter, Uncle Flash, but what's a cur?

Flash: It's... a bad person! I guess...

Child: Ok... So why didn't you just say that?

Flash: Well, I...

Child: And do people really talk so much when they fight?

Flash: I, uh... Hey! How'd you like a snack?

[After Flash opens the fridge, finding a huge frog inside]

Child: Where's my food?

The Flash: Are you French?

Child: No.

The Flash: Then there's no food.

Doctor Destiny: Coming here was the mistake of your life. See, the closer I am to someone, the stronger I get. I'll be able to go in your brain, even if you're wide awake.

Batman: My brain's not a nice place to be.

Doctor Destiny: You know, I could let you go. You're a distraction now. And as the others who have the real problems. We're like insects to them. They step on us, ruin our lives. And they don't even realise it. But you're different. You don't have any special powers.

Batman: Oh, I have one, Johnny: I never give up.

Maid Of Honor

Princess Audrey: Stay back! You can't approach without my permission!

Militant Kasnian Dissident: [points a gun at her] Permission, yes?

Batman: Who are you working for?

Thief: [in Kasnian] You can't understand a word I'm saying and I wouldn't tell you anything if you could.

Batman: [in Kasnian] I can... [advances on him] ...and you will.

Princess Audrey: [being hounded by paparazzi] Would you be a dear and pummel them mercilessly?

Wonder Woman: [grabs her and flies away] I don't think that'll be necessary.

Princess Audrey: Don't worry - I won't tell anyone that our great hero has feet of clay.

Wonder Woman: You have no idea.

Batman: You're in my way! [Hits Vandal Savage with a chair]

Wonder Woman: You know, we never did get to finish our dance.

Batman: I don't know what you're talking about.

Wonder Woman: If you say so. [takes his arm] But you're still taking me dancing.

Hearts And Minds

Flash: And what about this Katma Tui?

Kilowog: I'm not sure what happened to her. She was the Green Lantern who trained John.

Hawkgirl: They must have been close.

Kilowog: Very close.

[Flash and Kilowog check John's apartment for his power battery; Flash searches the fridge]

Flash: Bob & Terry's?

[offers Kilowog ice cream; he eats it, container and all]

Kilowog: Delicious!

Flash: Riiight. Stick with me big guy, I'll open up a whole new world for you. [Runs over to TV] Hey, check this out! People's exhibit B; Old Yeller.

[Shows Kilowog the videocassette; he eats it.]

Kilowog: Delicious!

Despero: Feel the power of my rage! Feel the power of my hate!

Katma: So, do you still snore?

John: I wouldn't know.

Katma: Well, I'd like to stay and relive old times, but...it's the same drill as before.

John: Duty calls.

Katma: Duty calls.

[John discovers he can no longer use his ring properly]

Katma: Then we start over. I trained you once, I can do it again.

John: Back to basics? I don't think so.

Katma: The problem with half the Corps, you included, is that once you learn to use your rings like jackhammers, you forget the subtleties of manipulation and control!

John: I know, I know - "the mind is the weapon, not the metal."

Katma: At least you remember that much. It's time to relearn what you've learned.

John: Now you sound like Yoda.

Katma: Look, you have two choices: let me help you retune your mental disciplines, or you can live with your emerald impotence.

[Flash walks by at the last word]

Flash: Impotence?

[John and Katma look at him]

Flash: Right...I-I was just goin' over there...

[Speeds off]

Hawkgirl: Are you going to need all those power cells?

John: If that's what it takes. I can still pull my weight, you know. There's more to me than just a fancy ring.

Hawkgirl: I've always known that, John.

A Better World

[The Justice League is attacking the White House, with Luthor in the Oval Office]

Lex Luthor:[to himself] They couldn't see the beauty! No imagination! They'd rather fight!

[Superman bursts into the office]

Superman: Even this wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to have it all. Now we're on the brink of a war that could destroy the whole planet!

Lex Luthor:...Could've been so perfect...paradise...

Superman: And I let it get this far because of the law. And the will of the people.

Lex Luthor: The people? This is all their fault! And they're going to burn for it. Burn!

Superman: You're nothing but a mad dog now, aren't you?

Lex Luthor: Ooh, a threat! But this old dog still has a few teeth!

[Pulls out a drawer with a control box, and poises his finger above a red button. There is a pause.]

Superman: There are at least six different ways I can stop you right now.

Lex Luthor: But they all involve deadly force, don't they? And you don't do that.

Superman: ...

Lex Luthor: No. You need me. You wouldn't be much of a hero without a villain, and you do love being a hero, don't you? The cheering children, the swooning women - you love it so much it's made you my most reliable accomplice!

Superman: Accomplice?! What're you--

Lex Luthor: You could have crushed me any time you wanted. And it wasn't the law or the will of the people that stopped you - it was your ego. Being a hero was too important to you. You're as much responsible for this as I am! So go ahead, fix it somehow. Put me on trial, lock me up - but I'll beat it. And then we'll start the whole thing all over again.

Superman: ... I did love being a hero. But if this is where it leads...I'm done with it.

[Superman's eyes begin to glow]

[Wonder Woman and Batman rush into the office; they are confronted by the burnt remains of Luthor's desk and (offscreen) Luthor himself. Superman looks out a nearby window.]

Wonder Woman: [Shocked] Hera...

Batman: Well, it had to be done.

Wonder Woman: [Approaching Superman] Are you okay?

Superman: [Turning to face her, with a unregreting smile] I'm great.

Lord Green Lantern: I keep expecting him to come zipping in here any minute.

Lord Hawkgirl: And then say something really stupid, right?

Lord Green Lantern: Well, there was that.

Lord Hawkgirl: But when things got serious, so did he. I miss him too, John.

Lord Hawkgirl: You're sure you don't want to help us out?

Lord Batman: Too much to do.

Lord Green Lantern: C’mon, for old time’s sake.

Lord Batman: I hate old times.

[Luthor prepares a large gun]

Hawkgirl: What is that?

Batman: [whips out Batarang] Breakable, I hope.

Batman: [Referring to the Justice Lords' Martian Manhunter] Have you read his mind yet?

Martian Manhunter: Martians don't do that to one another.

Batman: Can't? Or won't?

Martian Manhunter: Both.

Lord Superman: What do you want?

Doomsday: The same as you, I imagine - Power. Control. But I had to see the best this planet had to offer. I'm not impressed.

[Batman is imprisoned; The Flash rapidly pushes buttons on a nearby control panel.]

Batman: What are you doing?

The Flash: Trying every possible combination.

Batman: 9-1-9-3-9.

[Flash pauses, then punches it in, opening the door.]

Flash: How'd you know?

Batman: They're the same numbers I use. What did you do?

Flash: I sped up my heart until it looked like it flat-lined.

Batman: I didn't know you could do that.

Flash: Neither did I, but I had to come up with something if you weren't going to.

Batman: I couldn't - not with him anticipating everything I could ever think of. But who could anticipate you?

Lord Batman: What are you hiding for?

Batman: I do my best work in the dark.

Lord Batman: I used to think that, too. But what have you ever accomplished from there, aside from scaring a few punks half to death? Putting a few more in jail?

Batman: It all adds up.

Lord Batman: Not fast enough. If you really want to make a difference, want to change the system instead of just patching it, you've got to step into the sunlight. Take over, like we did.

Lord Batman: Think about it - a world where there's no crimes. No victims. No pain.

Batman: And no choice! Who elected you, anyway?

Lord Batman: Who elected you? The problem with democracy is, it doesn't keep you very safe.

Batman: It has other virtues. But you seem to have forgotten that.

Lord Batman: I didn't forget! I just chose peace and security instead.

Batman: You grabbed power!

Lord Batman: And with that power, we've made a world where no eight-year-old boy will ever lose his parents because of some punk with a gun!

Batman: [pauses, then drops his Batarang] You win.

Batman: They'd love it here, don't you think?

Lord Batman: Who?

Batman: Mom and Dad. They'd be so proud of you.

Lord Batman: Just drive.

Batman: They're as strong as we are and just as smart, but they're willing to kill.

Superman: What are you saying - that we have to be willing to kill too? I won't cross that line.

Batman: How else can we stop them?

Superman: You're the smart one. You figure it out.

Batman: We can't do it. Not unless we cross some kind of line.

Lord Superman: Everything he does from now on is your fault!

Superman: It's a high price - but it's better than the alternative.

Eclipsed

Hawkgirl: [on audio] Lantern, is he...?

Green Lantern: He's in one piece. I think he's alright. [to an unconscious Flash] You hear me, buddy? You better be alright!

Flash: [dreaming] Oh... Swirly lights... fuzzy grilled cheese... [wakes up] Huh? What happened?

Wonder Woman: Flash, you did it!

Superman: You saved everyone today.

Wonder Woman: How are you feeling?

Flash: Actually, kinda faint! I think I need some mouth-to-mouth.

Hawkgirl: He's fine.

The Terror Beyond

Hawkgirl: Standard interrogation technique. I was bad cop.

Superman: You're always bad cop.

Hawkgirl: Why play against type?

Solomon Grundy: Bird-nose help Grundy? But Bird-nose and her friends hate Grundy.

Hawkgirl: Grundy help Bird-nose, Bird-nose help Grundy, okay? Excuse me, Hawkgirl smash.

[Shayera is poised to finish off the evil Icthultu.]

Icthultu: You will not do this thing, child of Thanagar. Icthultu still has faith in you.

Hawkgirl: So do I.

Solomon Grundy: Do you think Grundy's soul is waiting for him?

Hawkgirl: Grundy, I don't believe... yes. Yes, it's waiting for you.

Solomon Grundy: Then Grundy gets his reward. [dies]

Hawkgirl: He was happy at the end. I still don't understand why.

Aquaman: It's faith, Hawkgirl. You're not supposed to understand it. You just have it.

[Grundy's epitaph]

Solomon Grundy. Born On A Monday.

The Secret Society

[during "practice"]

Flash: [after Batman blows up a robot] Hey! That was my bad guy!

Batman: [to Green Lantern] Happy? [walking away] Call me when it's important. And not before.

----

Clayface: You didn't think I'd come here without reinforcements, didja?

Batman: Wish I'd thought of that. [door blows in behind him, revealing the rest of the Justice League] Oh, wait. I did.

----

Flash: [standing over "unconscious" Sinestro] Looks like I didn't need you after all, yo. But you can help me tie him up.

Batman: ...Catch. [shoots Flash in the chest with a grapple] The real Flash would've been too fast for that. [shocks him, revealing Clayface]

Clayface: What gave me away?

Batman: You overplayed your part, yo.

----

Giganta: [to Superman] Wouldn't hit a woman would you?

Wonder Woman: I would. [slams her down]

Hereafter

[Wonder Woman blocks a bolt of lightning from the Weather Wizard with her bracelets.]

The Flash: There are so many reasons why that shouldn't have worked.

Kalibak: [To batman]:I just flattened Wonder Woman! You really think you can beat me?

Batman: I'm not trying to beat you. I'm trying to stall you.

Kalibak: Stall me? For what? [Superman appears behind him] Aw- [gets punched in the face]

Superman: For what it's worth, I don't think you could've taken Batman, either.

[Superman has been apparently killed; Wonder Woman grabs Toyman.]

Toyman: What are you going to do to me?

Wonder Woman: I'm going to punch a hole in your head.

The Flash: We don't do that to our enemies.

Wonder Woman: Speak for yourself!

The Flash: I'm trying to speak for Superman.

The Flash: I used to be able to goof around so much because I knew Superman had my back. Now all I've got is his example, and that's gonna have to be enough.

[Lex Luthor walks into Superman's funeral.]

Lois Lane: Luthor! How dare you show your face in here?!

Luthor: Lois, I-- [Lois slaps him]

Lois: You've come to gloat! You've tried to get rid of him for years! Are you happy now?! Isn't this what you've always wanted?! I hate you! I hate you! ... [breaks down into tears]

Luthor: [takes her into his arms] Believe it or not, I'm going to miss him, too.

Martian Manhunter: Though we gather here today, bound together in sorrow and loss, we share a precious gift. We are, all of us, privileged to live a life that has been touched by Superman. The Man of Steel possessed many extraordinary gifts, and he shared them with us freely. None of these gifts were more remarkable than his ability to discern what needed to be done, and his unfailing courage in doing it, whatever the personal cost. Let us all strive to accept his gift, and pass it along, as an ongoing tribute to Kal-El of Krypton, the immigrant from the stars, who taught us all how to be heroes.

Batman: I've got some things to say. I should've said them when you were here, but... Despite our differences, I have nothing but respect for you. I hope you knew... know that, you showed me that justice doesn't always have to come from the darkness. I'll miss... [something in the distance explodes] What did you always call it, Clark? The never ending battle?

[Villains are terrorizing Metropolis.]

Kalibak: This looks like a job for Superman! But I don't think he's coming.

Vandal Savage: The Earth belongs to the cockroaches now... oh, and me.

Superman: You're insane.

Vandal Savage: True, but that doesn't mean I'm not good company. Say, you wanna come over to my house?

Superman: ...

Vandal Savage: Like you've got something better to do.

Superman: [holding a rock over Vandal Savage's head] I should smash your skull.

Vandal Savage: Go ahead, we both know it wouldn't work.

[Superman pauses and drops the rock. They both stand up.]

Superman: What now...?

Vandal Savage: Lunch?

[Superman picks up a copy of "Life Strategies: Coping With Yourself"]

Superman: Self-help books? You don't seem the type.

Vandal Savage: I read whatever I can find. Anyway, I've got issues, what with my destroying the Earth and all.

Vandal Savage: Don't worry about me. Go back to your friends. Do what you do best. What you were born to do - save the world.

[Everyone is marveling at Superman's return]

Martian Manhunter: You were greatly missed, my friend...by all of us.

[All eyes turn to Batman, who is standing apart with arms crossed, emotionless]

Wonder Woman: Don't let him fool you. Your death hit him as hard as it did any of us.

Superman: Really?

Batman: No. I never believed you were dead in the first place.

Superman: I guess that's sort of a compliment.

Lobo: [angry about Superman kicking him out of the Justice League] Next time you lollipops need help, don't bother asking the Main Man!

Martian Manhunter: ... We didn't ask you this time!

Wild Cards

Joker: [watching Batman's jet land and Batman step out] I see one of our stars approaching the red carpet! And he’s in black — always chic. [Javelin lands and the rest of the Justice League step out] But here come the fashion disasters. I’m surprised their mummies let them out of the house looking like that.

Joker: [about Batman] Him again, it's always him!

Joker: [after Green Lantern reveals a false bomb located at the bottom of a river] Aww, I was hoping someone would drown trying to disarm that. C'est la vie.

Joker: [about Ten} Ten feels no pain - literally! And he's just as strong as Stupidman!

Joker: The suspense is killing me! Of course, it'll be the explosions that kill them.

Joker: Even you can't disarm one of my bombs in time!

Flash: Shut up!

Joker: What kind of retort is that? You're not even trying!

Joker: Will Green Lantern ever admit to his feelings? Will Hawkgirl ever stop sublimating her passions with that big honkin' mace? Will true love conquer all? Not on my show!

Joker: Let's go back to watching Green Lantern croak - that should cheer me up.

Superman: That was quite a stunt you just pulled off.

Flash: I know. Can't wait to catch the rerun.

Flash: [After locating a bomb but not knowing how to disarm it, talking to Batman via comlink] Bats, I have a problem!

Batman: [Being strangled in a battle with Jack, and attempting to fight] You...don't....SAY!

Superman: Give it up, kid. There's no way you can beat me.

Ten: I don't have to beat you. I just have to slow you down until the bomb blows!

Superman: Hold that thought! [Punches Ten high into the sky, and defuses the bomb. Ten falls back down] Now, where were we?

[The Royal Flush Gang is fleeing the scene]

Joker: Oh, you're breaking an old man's heart, kids! Stand up to them like I would! If I were there... and if I had superpowers and... Oh, for Pete's sake, go back there and beat on them!

Joker: In minutes, you will all be turned crazy by Ace's mind waves... and the best thing is, I'm immune to all of this because I'm ALREADY crazy.

Batman: Harley! Where's Joker?

Harley Quinn: After all these years, you still think I'd give up Mister J?

Batman: Why not? He gave you up.

Harley Quinn: That was a long time ago! He's changed! We've been to couple's counseling!

Batman: I'm talking about right now. Or haven't you been watching the show? You've seen the way he touches her hair, the way he rubs her shoulders.

Harley Quinn: You mean Ace? She's just a kid!

Batman: Really? Then why is she with him while you're out here in the cold?

[Harley pauses, then punches Batman in the face.]

Joker: Have to admit, didn't see that one coming...

Joker: We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding!

Harley Quinn: And just what is it that I'm not understanding?

Joker: That we're two of a kind. That you'll always come back to me.

Harley Quinn: Yeah, I guess I do, don't I...?

Green Lantern: You know how we feel about each other.

Shayera: John...

Green Lantern: And I know you feel the same way.

Shayera: It's not that simple. John, this can't go any further.

Green Lantern: Why not?

Shayera: Well... we work together.

Green Lantern: So? Gives us something in common.

Shayera: We can't be worrying about each other when we're fighting the bad guys.

Green Lantern: Too late for that. What else you got?

Shayera: Ugh... It's crazy, I mean, look at us. Just look at us.

Green Lantern: I see a man, and a woman. [Green Lantern removes Shayera's helmet. They slowly get closer and kiss]

Joker: [after telling the origin story of his minions] And they would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for me meddling with the kids!

Comfort And Joy

The Flash: Wow. Someone sure did a number on this place.

Ultra-Humanite: Actually, I hadn't even started... Do you believe the horrendous amount of public funding spent on this so-called art? It's garbage! An affront to any decent human aesthetic!

The Flash: Oh-kay, I'll just take you back to prison, where you won't have to look at the ugly old sculptures anymore.

Ultra-Humanite: You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejeune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them, and therefore call a truce in honor of the season.

The Flash: Seriously?

Ultra-Humanite: You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.

The Flash: [suspicious] It's not gonna blow up or anything?

Ultra-Humanite: [incredulous] Flash. It is Christmas.

The Flash: Okay, but why did you hit me?

Ultra-Humanite: You hit me first. Hand me that screwdriver, will you?

The Flash: Hey, kids, Santa Flash is back! [the children cheer] Along with my special helper, Freaky The Snowman! [the children grow silent]

Ultra-Humanite: Just give them the toy and take me to jail.

The Flash: Are you sure it won't, y'know... [makes exploding noise]

Ultra-Humanite: Oh, for Heaven's sake!

DJ Rubba' Ducky: [in Ultra-Humanite's voice] Hello, children. Come close and I'll tell you a story.

Child 1: Is that DJ Rubba' Ducky?

Child 2: He sounds weird.

DJ Rubba' Ducky: [in Ultra-Humanite's voice] Little Clara had just received a beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, the mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer.

Ultra-Humanite: Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say?

The Flash: I kinda liked it when he made the poopy noise...

[In spite of this, the children keep hearing the toy telling the story of The Nutcracker until they start sleeping.]

The Flash: ...but I suppose this is also good.

Starcrossed

[The League is on the run from the Thanagarians, hiding in a department store]

Martian Manhunter: They'll have the whole city covered by now.

Flash: Who knows? Maybe they'll get tired and go home.

[Everyone looks at him]

Flash: ...Yeah, I know. But a little optimism at a time like this couldn't hurt.

[To avoid the Thanagarians, the League must remove their costumes and disguise themselves.]

Flash: Hold on a second here. What about the whole secret identity thing? I mean, I trust you guys, but I'm not sure I'm ready to...

Batman: [points at Flash] Wally West, [points at Superman] Clark Kent... [removes own mask] ...Bruce Wayne.

Flash: [stares, wide-eyed] ...Showoff. [shrugs and removes his cowl]

Wonder Woman: [ruffles his hair] Red hair. It suits you.

Flash: You think? [gets hit in the head by a shirt]

Batman: [stalks past, looking disgruntled] Change. Now.

[in order to hide from pursuing Thanagarians, Diana and Bruce take refuge in a diner and, when the Thanagarians enter, Diana pulls Bruce into a kiss. They separate after the soldiers leave]

Diana: Sorry.

Bruce: [with a grin] Don't be.

[Flash and Green Lantern arrive at Wayne Manor; Alfred answers the door]

Flash: Uh, we're looking for Bruce Wayne? We're friends.

Flash: [seeing Batman's trophy T-rex] Hey! That's a giant dinosaur!

Alfred: And I thought Batman was the detective.

[Examining data on Thanagarian plans]

Batman: Ingenious.

Superman: Yeah, I'm impressed. Let's go wreck it.

Batman: [throws batarangs at oncoming Thanagarians]

[Pause...nothing happens]

Thanagarian soldier: Your weapons are pitiful!

Batman: Wait for it...

[Swarm of bats attack the Thanagarians]

Batman: Well?

Martian Manhunter: I have no idea how to fly this vehicle.

Flash: What's this do? [pushes random button that causes the ship to fire at Wayne Manor]

Batman:[through clenched teeth] That's. Not. Helping!

Alfred: (finding a bound Thanagarian) I've asked Master Bruce not to leave trash on the lawn.

Batman: Gentlemen, it's been an honor.

Hro Talak: Any last words?

Green Lantern: Yeah - you can kiss my ax!

Superman: Always have to be the hero, don't you?

Batman: Right back at ya.

Alfred: (to Shayera) Well, I'm not a soldier, or a superhero, but I do know that without the sacrifices you've made, we wouldn't be here to share this nice pot of tea.

Green Lantern: Where are you gonna go?

Shayera: I don't know. Someplace where the fate of the world wasn't in my hands. Someplace where there's no more secrets, no more lies.

Green Lantern: Was it all a lie?

Shayera: I love you, John. I never lied about that. [flies away]

Green Lantern: [tears falling off his face] I love you, too.

Initiation

Green Arrow: C'mon, I don't belong up here, fighting monsters and aliens and supervillians. I just help the little guy. And a big club like this, you tend to forget all about him. So gee whiz, I'm flattered to be asked and all. But no thanks.

Batman: Suit yourself... Those monsters you don't fight? They tend to step on little guys.

Green Arrow: Is that a Containment suit?

Captain Atom: Uh-huh. I'm not flesh and blood anymore, just living energy.

Green Arrow: That wouldn't be nuclear energy, would it?

Captain Atom: With a name like Captain Atom, what do you think?

Green Arrow: I think you're what I marched against back in college.

Supergirl: Why don't you take the stick out, Corporal?

Captain Atom: Captain.

Supergirl: He asked you a question!

General Kwan: Don't answer him! That's classified inform-

Supergirl: [picks him up] I've just about had it with you guys! You've got 'til the count of five. One... Four... [her eyes start to glow]

Captain Atom: I'd speak up if I were you.

Supergirl: So, aren't you gonna give me the "you did good" speech?

Green Lantern: You're headstrong, unprofessional and reckless. If you ever jeopardize yourself or your teammates again by running off half-cocked without a battle plan, I will personally see to it that you are kicked out of the League, I don't care who your cousin is.

[He turns and begins to leave]

Green Lantern: And incidentally, you did good.

[Showers/locker room area]

Batman: Well, if it isn't the monster-killer.

Green Arrow: I was lucky. So was everybody else. Still don't think I belong up here.

Batman: That's the point. Someone like you will keep us honest.

Green Arrow: Gee, Bats, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good radiation burn as much as the next guy, but I don't think...

[Sees Black Canary across the room, finishing up getting dressed]

Batman: So...see you soon?

Green Arrow: You just might.

For The Man Who Has Everything

[Getting Superman a gift.]

Batman: What'd you get him?

Wonder Woman: I'm not saying anything [whispering] He'll hear, and spoil the surprise.

Batman: He can hear that, too.

Wonder Woman: How about you?

Batman: He's not the easiest person in the world to buy birthday presents for. [holds up an envelope]

Wonder Woman: Bruce... you didn't get him a gift certificate?

Batman: [offended] No! ...cash.

Batman: Mongul!

Mongul: You recognize me! I'm flattered. I suppose Superman told you all about our previous encounter.

Batman: You mean how he humiliated you?

Mongul: A... jaundiced account.

Mongul: The Black Mercy is a telepathic species. It reads the heart's desire and feeds the individual a totally convincing simulation of it.

Batman: So he's dreaming.

Mongul: Oh, far deeper than any dream. I wonder where he thinks he is. Sitting on a throne, ruling the universe. All you human garbage fawning at his feet. More honest, don't you think? Than this pretense of being a selfless hero.

Mongul: You don't understand. He was the only obstacle in my way. The rest of you... are already dead.

[On Krypton; Kal-El is with his son Van-El on the roof of his father's lab, as Van looks through a telescope]

Van-El: Dad!

[The ground shakes]

Van-El: Dad? You've gotta look at thi-

[Sees Kal-El's troubled expression]

Van-El: What's...what's the matter? Why are you -

Kal-El: Van, when you were born, it was the happiest day of my life. When I first saw your beautiful little face, your tiny fingers squeezed my hand so tight, like you never wanted to let go. I've watched every step, every struggle...I-I've... but, Van...[eyes begin to water] oh, Rao help me... but I don't think you're real. I don't think any of this is-is real..

Van-El: Don't say that, Daddy...please, you're scaring me... [hugs his father]

Kal-El: No, no, I don't want to scare you, Van. You are everything I ever wanted in a son. This...this is everything I ever wanted in a life. But I've got responsibilities, Van, and I...have to...go now...

[Hugs his son as Krypton begins to tear itself apart, and kisses him on the forehead]

Van-El: [Tearful] Daddy...

Kal-El: I promise you... I'll never forget.

[Krypton explodes]

Superman: Do you have any idea what you did to me?!

Mongul: I fashioned a prison that you couldn't leave without sacrificing your heart's desire. It must have been like tearing off your own arm.

Mongul: Happy birthday, Kryptonian. I give you... oblivion.

Superman: BURN! [ignites Mongul with heat vision]

Mongul: You know, for a moment there, I almost believed you were going to kill me. How stupid of you to hesitate like that. Not a mistake I'll make, I can assure you.

[Mongul is ensnared by the Black Mercy]

Wonder Woman: I wonder what he's seeing.

Batman: Whatever it is, it's too good for him.

[The camera draw closer to Mongul's beaten face, who's trying to give a small, satisfied smile while low sounds of screams and explosions are heard in background]

Kid Stuff

[All the adults have been banished from the earth, courtesy of Mordred.]

Copperhead: It was Judgment Day! And we got sent to the bad place! THE BAD PLACE!

Cheetah: [slaps him] Snap out of it, Copper.

Green Lantern: Yeah, calm down. We're probably just in another dimension.

Copperhead: [sarcastic] Oh, is that all?

[Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern have been turned into children.]

Batman: This better be temporary.

Superman: You sound weird, Whoa. So do I!

Wonder Woman: [Grinning] I'm kinda liking this.

[Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern have been turned into children. And are confronting Mordred ]

Mordred: The Justice Babies! [laughs]

Kid Batman: What are you laughing at, Precious?

Mordred: You. Mother sent you, huh? She shouldn't send a boy to do a man's job!

Kid Green Lantern: I'll make a laser cannon! No! A missile launcher! Oh, oh, I know!

Kid Batman: Just pick something!

[The group is thrown into a dungeon; a (toddlerized) Demon comes out.]

Kid Batman: Etrigan?

[Baby Etrigan breathes fire out of his mouth and is caught by Superman.]

Kid Batman: [to Superman] Don't hurt him!

Kid Superman: [being bitten by Etrigan] Tell him that!

Kid Wonder Woman: Etrigan! You stop right there. I mean it! You naughty monster. Bad, bad Etrigan! [Etrigan starts to cry. Wonder Woman picks him up] Hey little guy, it's okay, I won't hurt you.

Kid Batman: You've got to be kidding.

Kid Wonder Woman: He's just a baby. [Burps Etrigan] That's all he needed.

Kid Green Lantern: [sniffs] Aww man, that ain't all he needs.

Kid Batman: Now that is a job for Superman.

Kid Wonder Woman: That's ENOUGH!

Little girl: You can't tell us what to do! Your not our mom!

Kid Wonder Woman: No, but I promise, we will find all your moms. And I'm gonna tell!

Little girl: Well, what should we do?

Kid Wonder Woman: Go outside and wait for your parents. NOW! [kids groan and leave; Wonder Woman grins at Batman and leaves]

Kid Green Lantern: [to Batman] Your girlfriend sure is bossy.

Kid Batman: Shut up!

Kid Superman: You two, knock it off!

Child: What are you gonna do? You're just a kid!

Kid Superman: [burns the ground near them with his heat vision] I'm the kid with laser beams comin' out his eyes!

Kid Wonder Woman: He's almost asleep. We can take him.

Kid Green Lantern: I'll make a lawnmower and chew him up!

Kid Batman: I say we get that amulet away from him first. We'll split up and sneak behind him; then Lantern can do his thing. But no mowers.

Kid Green Lantern: Why?

Kid Superman: Because it's stupid!

Kid Wonder Woman: I guess I'll go with Clark. Unless I should go with you...

Kid Batman: Whatever.

Kid Superman: I'm fine to go with Diana.

Kid Green Lantern: So Bruce and I are good to go?

Kid Wonder Woman: I changed my mind. I'll go with Bruce, and John can go with Clark.

Kid Batman: Whatever!

Kid Superman: What's with them?

Kid Green Lantern: Man! For someone with like, fifty different kinds of vision, you are so blind!

Kid Superman: What?

Kid Green Lantern: I've got a plan! I'll make some giant handcuffs and--

Kid Batman: Forget it!

[After the League members been changed back to adults, Wonder Woman is still holding Etrigan]

Etrigan: [uneasily] ... Mommy?

[Wonder Woman drops Etrigan, looking somewhere between disgusted and annoyed]

Wonder Woman: Circumstances asides, it was kind of... enjoyable being a kid again.

Batman: I haven't been a kid since I was eight years old.

Hawk And Dove

[Wonder Woman is being shot at by a bank robbber who has run out of bullets and is about to throw his gun at her.]

Wonder Woman: (sarcastically) Yeah, that's gonna work.

Wonder Woman: What's wrong with people, J'onn? Hostility is their answer to everything!

Martian Manhunter: You're not one to talk of late.

Wonder Woman: What's that supposed to mean?

Martian Manhunter: Diana, you and I have both been affected by our time among humans. It's important that we keep ourselves in check.

Wonder Woman: First of all, those thugs back there got exactly what they had coming. As did that band of mercenaries last week. And those creatures from the Decoran Nebula - they weren't misunderstood! They thought we were food!

Hank: Fine mess here, Don.

Don: Talk to them, you speak Neanderthal!

Hank: I think they're done talking.

Don:This is ridiculous! Just because I disagree with you doesn't make me unpatriotic.

Frat Boy: No, you bein' a bleedin' heart punk makes you unpatriotic!

Hank: Actually, I gotta agree with him on that one.

Don: Look, we got off on the wrong foot. Don't you think we could find plenty of things we all have in common if we just tried?

Frat Boy: [ Pauses for a moment looking slightly puzzled] ...No!

Don: Hank, say something!

Hank: [punches one of the frat boys and gives Don a look] Preemptive strike.

[ Hawk and Dove find themselves in a barroom brawl]

Dove: Oh, you so wanted to do this!

Hawk: Don't blame me! You're the one who couldn't keep your trap shut!

Hawk: Why not just let them obliterate each other? If people can't control their own country, they don't deserve to have one.

Dove: Way to oversimplify. These folks live in poverty, and when you have so little, it's easy to be swayed into blaming your neighbour. Almost all aggression can be cured with education.

Hawk: Yeah? Then how come some of the best-educated guys in the world work at the Pentagon?

Hawk: There's no one inside that thing! How do you fight that?

Wonder Woman: You hit it 'til it breaks.

Ares: I think like a South Kasnian?! Has it even entered your skull that they think like South Kasnians?! And you'd better start thinking that way, too, if you want there to be a Northerner left in this rat-infested dirt heap you call a country! All any of you mortals are good for is to slaughter one another! To fight and fight until the bones of your enemies are strewn across the battlefield, only to rise again in the next generation, like a well-tended crop! That's what the Annihilator is for! But nooo, you're using it to play tag!

[Hawk attempts to kidnap the South Kasnian leader]

Hawk: Ever run away from home? It's fun; you'll love it. [Grabs leader out of bed] Brother and I used to do it all the time. 'Cept, he'd always wuss out and run home to Mama...

Hawk: Anybody wanna give me a clue what just happened?

Wonder Woman: Sometimes, it takes more strength not to fight.

This Little Piggy

Batman: Patience, princess. Intergang moves in mysterious ways.

Wonder Woman: Tell me about it. What use could they possibly have for the Rosetta Stone?

Batman: We'll find out soon enough. And in the meantime...

Wonder Woman: I know. Patience.

Wonder Woman: Don't you ever wish you were down there?

Batman: I'm down there all I need to be.

Wonder Woman: Yes, but it's just a job to you. I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe... maybe with someone special.

Batman: [Frowns and looks away]...

Wonder Woman: No. No dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time.

Batman: One: dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two: you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors; I'm a rich kid with issues... lots of issues. And three: if my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me, through her.

Wonder Woman: [Crushes a stone gargoyle head with her hand] Next?

Wonder Woman: Circe! Be careful, she's...

Batman: Yeah. I've read the Odyssey.

Red Tornado: SOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEEEE...

Zatanna: [trying to turn Wonder Woman back to normal and failing] We could call in one of the other league magicians. Dr. Fate, maybe...

Batman: No! I mean, let's keep this between us.

Zatanna: But why? If there's a chance to help Diana, shouldn't we tell everyone and that... oh, wait wait... you and her, are you two...

Batman: Just good friends.

Zatanna: No, you and I are just good friends. There's something more between you and Diana.

Batman: Well, maybe there was.

B'wana Beast: [introducing himself to Zatanna] B'wana Beast. How ya doin'?

Zatanna: My legs are fine. As is the rest of me. Up here. [pointing to her face]

B'wana Beast: Woah, she's got the fire of the cheetah in her. Rrroowr.

Zatanna: [to Batman] Why are you doing this to me?

B'wana Beast: [Talking to pigs, trying to find Wonder Woman] C'mon guys, help me out. Newcomer, silver bracelets. Kinda stuck up.

Crimson Avenger: Excuse me sir, I'm looking for a pig.

Old man: Gladys, it's for you!

Circe: [under attack by Zatanna] Insolent trickster! You dare to strike-- [gets hit by a chair] ...You dare to strike-- [gets hit by a table] ...You dare-- [gets smothered by a tablecloth] QUIT IT! ... Oh, no... [gets hit by a grand piano]

Medusa: C-girl and me did some time together back in the pit of eternal torment. That's where they hang you by your ankles and weasels come each night to eat your fingers. They grow back the next day, but trust me - it gets old real quick.

Batman: Wait. It seems that magic always has a price.

Circe: And your point is...

Batman: What would I have to give to make you lift your spell on Diana?

Circe: Well, now you're getting interesting. I want something from you that's very precious. Something you've worked very hard to conceal. Something when gone, you can never regain. Something soul-shattering... [cut to Batman at a mike, singing "Am I Blue?"]

Zatanna: [to Batman] Is there anything you can't do?

Batman: There's one thing I've never been very good at. Saying thank you.

Fearful Symmetry

Green Arrow: Don't listen to this guy, everything's conspiracies with him.

The Question: Not "conspiracies". Conspiracy. Singular.

The Question: Reaching back to ancient Egypt, there's been a single cabal of powerful individuals directing the course of human history. But the common man prefers to believe they don't exist, which aids their success.

Supergirl: [reading newspaper clippings] Global warming, military upheavals in the third world, actors elected to public office...

Green Arrow: The spread of coffee bars, germs outpacing antibiotics, and boy bands? Come on! Who would gain from all this?

The Question: Who, indeed?

Green Arrow: Hold your horses! No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the kid shouldn't eat nachos before bed.

The Question: Peanut butter sandwiches.

Supergirl: How did y-- what, do you go through my trash?!

The Question: Please... I go through everyone's trash.

Green Arrow: Does everything have a sinister motive in your world?

The Question: Yours, too. You just don't know it.

Green Arrow: What was that about?

The Question: What do you think? We're asking questions someone doesn't want answered.

Green Arrow: Aw, learn a new tune already!

[Supergirl has just been attacked by an android.]

The Question: Standard Z8 Combat Trainer.

Green Arrow: Like the ones we use. The League buys 'em in bulk.

Supergirl: So?

The Question: So who do we buy them from?

Supergirl: The Army I thin... Oh, wait a minute...

The Question: Another fun fact: The man who commissioned the Z8 Project? The same man who put you in the hospital.

Supergirl: General Hardcastle? He's retired now, isn't he?

The Question: Gone. And hoping to be forgotten.

The Greatest Story Never Told

Child: Can I have your autograph?!

Booster Gold: Of course you can! [signs autograph book]

Child: [looks at it and is disappointed] I thought you were Green Lantern...

Skeets: I would like your autograph, sir!

Booster Gold: Shut up, Skeets.

Martian Manhunter: Listen up! A second unit will serve under Green Lantern's command! When I call your name, report to the transporter! Hawk and Dove, Star and Stripe, Shining Knight... Fire and Ice, Doctor Light... Aztek, Huntress, Vigilante, Elongated Man...

Booster Gold: Ahem.

Martian Manhunter: Vibe...

Booster Gold: Ahem!

Martian Manhunter: [sighs] Booster Gold...

Booster Gold: Yes!

Booster Gold: Energize!

Transporter Operator: [under his breath] Doofus...

Booster Gold: What about me? I was thinking maybe I'd go out on point.

Batman Crowd control.

Booster Gold: Crowd control. Who says you don't have a sense of humor?

Batman: Crowd control.

[The Elongated Man and Booster Gold are stuck with Crowd Control during a battle.]

Elongated Man: One time, I disguised myself as a vase. For three days!

Booster Gold: No you didn't!

Elongated Man Okay, maybe not. Who'd want to, anyway? But I am a detective! That means I'm like Plastic Man and Batman rolled into one! And...

Booster Gold: Is there any chance you could stop complaining for five minutes?

Elongated Man: Hey, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, my friend. But I'll tell you, I wouldn't help those ingrates now if they begged me!

Wonder Woman: We need you.

Booster Gold: It's about time!

Wonder Woman: Not you. Him!

Elongated Man: Squeaky Wheel! [leaves with Wonder Woman]

Skeets: Maybe they needed a vase.

Booster Gold: It doesn't matter what we do here, the battle is over there. We're not helping

Skeets: This is untrue. "They also serve, who only stand and wait." - John Milton.

Booster Gold: Oh yeah? I got one for ya': "This stinks" - Booster Gold

Booster Gold: I am NOT Green Lantern! If I were Green Lantern, my costume would be GREEN, now wouldn't it?!

Skeets: Sir, you saved those insects! Yay! Don't you feel good about yourself?

Booster Gold: Oh, man, we are so lucky! All I have to do is pop this collar on Mr. Black Hole, save the world, and then it's champagne and strawberries for me and the hot doctor!

[Booster Gold opens an ambulance door]

Booster Gold: Uh-oh.

[Cut to pregnant woman in labor; Dr. Simmons arrives]

Booster Gold: Maybe you should handle this.

Dr. Simmons: Why me?

Booster Gold: You're a doctor.

Dr. Simmons: I'm a physicist!

Booster Gold: Yeah?

Dr. Simmons: Give me the collar! [She takes it and runs]

Booster Gold: I'll - I'll take care of this. [climbs into the ambulance next to the woman] So, um... how are you feeling?

Woman: [screams]

Booster Gold: How many fingers am I holding up?

Woman: [Grabs him] Do something USEFUL!

The Return

Lex Luthor: [leading the rest to a hiding place] This is it.

Supergirl: A barber shop?

Steel: Got to hand it to you, Luthor - nobody would think to look for you here.

Amazo: You cannot keep me from my goal.

Superman: Telepathy.

Green Lantern: I'm not impressed.

Superman: Why have you come back? What do you want?

Amazo: Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to?

Superman: Luthor.

Amazo: Of course.

Superman: We're not gonna give him up.

Amazo: He's your enemy. You owe him nothing.

Superman: Turn...back...now.

Amazo: I have evolved far beyond what I was when we last met. You do not want to challenge me.

The Atom: The android – why does he hate you so much?

Lex: I once took advantage of his naiveté. He's not naïve any more, and I've stopped taking advantage of the innocent.

The Atom: Let's hope you'll be more convincing if you have to tell him that.

Amazo: Your bravery is admirable... but annoying.

Lex Luthor: A subatomic universe.

Atom: Figured the android can't kill what he can't see.

Amazo: Oh, but I can see you.

[Atom and Luthor are revealed to be standing on Amazo's hand]

Amazo: Did you really think I couldn't follow you here? No universe, however large, however small, is denied to me.

J'onn: It's the only way.

Dr. Fate: Hmmm, those words are always used to justify destruction.

Lex Luthor: The truth is, for all my struggles to make my mark in life, for all I've accomplished, in just a few short generations my name will be forgotten. Even the greatest of us can't compete with time... and death.

Amazo: Then why do you go on? Why does anyone? Why don't I just destroy you and everything else right now? [winds start swirling] All it would take is a single thought and-

Lex Luthor: No! If you do that you won't see the end of it!

Amazo: The end of what?

Lex Luthor: The evolutionary process. You of all beings should know something about that.

Amazo: Yes. Yes, I'm evolving. That's why Professor Ivo made me. These past months I have amassed so much knowledge, and yet... I remain confused...empty. What am I evolving into? What is my purpose?! I must know! Tell me!

Lex Luthor: There's no way to tell. That's why I stay in the game. My purpose, if you will, is to see where it's all going. And you! You'll live forever. You'll be able to see it all.

Amazo: Is that my purpose? Simply to be... a witness?

Lex Luthor: We create our own purpose in life. Now go create yours.

Lex: You know, when I heard you were coming I was actually afraid of you. Petrified. But now, when I see your fear, your uncertainty, I just pity you.

(Amazo glares)

The Atom: You should have quit while you were ahead.

Amazo: I did not destroy Oa - I simply moved it to another dimension. (everyone stares) It was in my way.

John Stewart: Then could you move it back?

(Amazo's eyes glow briefly)

Amazo: Done.

Atom: Told you we'd beat him!

Lex Luthor: What do you mean, "we"?

Ultimatum

[Superman is encased in hardened magma]

Wind Dragon: You know, Juice, Superman was my hero when I was a lad. It's not his fault he's getting old.

Superman: Old? [breaks free]

Wind Dragon: Old but spry, sir, old but spry.

Long Shadow: What I wanna know is-

Shifter, Downpour, Juice, Wind Dragon: "Why can't we join the Justice League?"

Wind Dragon: Hey, it's alright. I used to think like that.

Long Shadow: Used to? What happened?

Wind Dragon: I dunno. I guess I just started wanting stuff.

Giganta: Outta the way, tiny.

[Long Shadow grows taller than her]

Long Shadow: You were saying?

Giganta: Oh, poop.

[Downpour blasts Aquaman with a huge tidal wave, which is almost entirely ineffective.]

Aquaman: King of the seas, remember?

[The gunmen step towards Long Shadow. Wonder Woman steps in front of him.]

Wonder Woman: No.

Amanda Waller: You need to step back.

Batman: Not gonna happen. Long Shadow's with us.

Amanda Waller: [to troops] Safeties.

[soldiers train guns on the League; Superman and Aquaman get between them and Long Shadow]

Batman: [smirking] Mine are bigger than yours.

Batman: Who are you people?

Amanda Waller: That's a national security matter. And if I were you, I wouldn't probe the situation too closely... rich boy.

Dark Heart

The Atom: [confronted by a (relatively) giant nanomachine] He's bigger than my car now, Katie. Personally, I blame you.

Katie: How can it possibly be my fault?

The Atom: Because otherwise it would be my fault. That can't be right; I'm a professor.

[after the Atom has defeated the machine]

Katie: Professor Palmer? Professor? Ray!

Atom: I'm going to lay here for a while, Katie. I'm old now, and I get tired.

Batman: [in free fall, having bailed out of his plane] Batman to all points. I could use some air support. Since I can't fly. At all. [continues to fall] Now would be good.

Wonder Woman: [holding Atom in her palm] Ready?

Atom: Just don't squeeze.

Wonder Woman: [in the midst of battle, before tucking Atom into her cleavage] I need both hands, professor.

Wake the Dead

Aquaman: Such scintillating repartee. I get better conversation from the android.

Amazo: You are aware I'm in the room?

Green Lantern: Doctor Fate called it, Solomon Grundy's back.

Vixen: The zombie guy? A heavy hitter, I read about him in the files.

Green Lantern: Yeah, he's tough, but we can handle him. Funny thing is, he's supposed to be dead.

Vixen: Aren't all zombies, by definition, dead?

Green Lantern: Uh...

Dr. Fate: Solomon Grundy's grave is empty.

Aquaman: Tell me where to find those responsible, then dig more graves.

Dr. Fate: (magically watching Superman, Green Lantern and Vixen fighting Solomon Grundy) They need our help.

Shayera: So does Grundy. Let's try and get there before the League kills him.

Amazo: (as the battle turns against the League) That scenario seems... unlikely.

[John and Shayera meet for the first time since Starcrossed.]

Green Lantern: Shayera?

Shayera: ... Hate the beard.

Green Lantern: (Seeing Superman coming from water to the bridge) Are you OK?

Superman: Do I look OK?

Doctor Fate: The creature knows only rage and seeks only oblivion. Your mace may be the only object on Earth that can grant him peace.

Green Lantern: What are you saying!?

Shayera: Your favorite movie's Old Yeller. You know exactly what he's saying.

[The vote to keep Shayera in the league or not is revealed.]

Green Lantern: I recused myself because... well... Anyway, Superman broke the tie.

Superman: I believe in second chances, I believe in redemption. But mostly, I believe in my friends.

The Once and Future Thing

Green Lantern: Diana's carrying a grudge.

Batman: She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything?

Green Lantern: What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now. [pause] I'm very happy.

Batman: Uh-huh.

Green Lantern: Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana?

Batman: Nothing. She's a respected colleague.

Green Lantern: Uh-huh.

Batman: I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow other distractions. Diana is a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend. She's... standing right behind me, isn't she?

Wonder Woman: [standing right behind him] Don't let that stop you - keep digging.

Jonah Hex: If you all are working for Tobias, there's gonna be difficulty.

Bat Lash: Easy, Jonah - they're with me. They helped me out of a spot while I was here incognito tryin' to find out more about Tobias.

Ohiyesa Smith: What have you learned?

Bat Lash: Among other moral failings, the man cheats at poker.

Jonah Hex: What's your stake in this?

Green Lantern: We're lawmen too.

Jonah Hex: From back east?

Batman: Sure.

Green Lantern: What's the plan?

Jonah Hex: Plan? Huh. We put 'em in the ground.

Jonah Hex: Fancy gun belt ya got there. I'm thinking you folks are time travelers.

Batman: Where would you get a crazy idea like that?

Jonah Hex: Experience. I've had an interesting life.

Ohiyesa Smith: We're getting close. I wanna warn you, there's some downright unusual activity goin' on hereabouts; don't let it throw you.

Green Lantern: Don't worry about it, we've got a lot of experience with unusu- [a cowboy riding a pterodactyl flies towards them] ...I'm sorry, you were saying?

Ohiyesa Smith: The shots are spooking the horses!

Bat Lash: The shots are spooking me!

Batman: Six guns. Six of us. Nobody miss.

Green Lantern: Last time I saw you, you were too young to drive. You look good for a man your age!

Static: The miracles of modern medicine. Sixty-five is the new thirty!

Bruce Wayne: [met by his past self] Surprised to see me?

Batman: A little. I'm more surprised that I lived so long.

Terry McGinnis (Batman II): Batman, Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne, Batman. Or have you met?

Bruce and Batman: [simultaneously] Not now!

Terry: Great. What did they used to call it? Stereo?

Static: Shayera was one cranky pregnant lady. Although to be fair, if I'd laid an egg that size...

Warhawk: [to Green Lantern] He's kidding, Dad.

Chronos: The question arises; Who told them where and when our targets would arrive? I mean, I told you; and I only know because I'm the undisputed master of space and time.

[Chronos sends the traitorous Joker, Chucko back to prehistoric time.]

Chronos: Enjoy your stay.

[Chronos disappears in his portal, a tyrannosaurus rex appears and Chucko draws a lightsaber]

Chucko: You think I'm scared? I'll be running this dump in a few ye-

[A giant asteroid falls from the sky]

Chucko: ...Aw, phooey.

[We see a massive explosion on Earth, killing the dinosaurs and Chucko]

[Chonos has just left one of the Jokerz under a falling asteroid in prehistoric times.]

Chronos: Do you know what killed the dinosaurs?

[The Jokerz look around stupidly.]

Bonk: Uh... no, sir.

Chronos: Well, Chucko does. And unless you wanna find out firsthand, you'll go finish off the Justice League. Skedaddle! Time is money! [to his wife] Actually, time is the non-spatial continuum in which events occur linearly, usually in the direction of increased entropy. But the clowns seem to relate better to the money thing.

Batman: Sometimes, the old ways are best.

Terry McGinnis: It's not gonna work. You don't know your way around here. A lot of things have changed.

Batman: Are criminals still superstitious and cowardly?

Bruce Wayne: Yep.

Batman: Good enough for me.

[The League confronts one of the Jokerz.]

Terry McGinnis: You've got some information we need, Ghoul.

Ghoul: You won't find me the talkative sort. [Batman grabs him] Hey!

Batman: [drags Ghoul over to the edge of the building and dangles him over the edge by his leg] Where's Chronos? My arm's getting tired...

Bruce Wayne: I can't believe I was ever that green. [Grabs Ghoul and throws him across the rooftop] This is how you interrogate someone!

Ghoul: ...and we've got 9453 active Jokerz organized into about 200 smaller groups. I don't know where Chronos is! He contacts us! He spends every night in a different one of those old buildings! There's no way of knowing ahead of time where he's gonna be! And that's everything I know!

Bruce Wayne: Everything?

Ghoul: I wet my bed until I was fourteen!

Static: Wow. Batman playing good cop.

Green Lantern: Everything's relative.

Warhawk: If we don't beat this guy, it's the end of everything.

Terry McGinnis: We've been there before.

Warhawk: Not like this. What are you supposed to do when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?

Green Lantern: Plant your feet.

Chronos: [to Batman] Wow. You are good. [turns to his wife] Isn't he good?

Green Lantern: The Green Lanterns have a legend. No one can see the beginning of time. It's a universal law!

Batman: Write him a ticket!

The Cat and the Canary

Black Canary: Black Canary.

Green Arrow: Green Arrow. [They shake hands] I've noticed you around.

Black Canary: I know. You happy punching the bag or you wanna go a few rounds with me?

Green Arrow: ...

Black Canary: I am talking about sparring.

Green Arrow: That'd be nice too.

Green Arrow: Well, at least now I understand why you brought me along. You didn't need Green Arrow - you just needed "green."

Black Canary: It isn't like that!

Green Arrow: No? Then tell me - what's it like?

Black Canary: I thought I could trust you.

Wildcat: What is this?

Black Canary: We want to help you, Ted. We want to get you out of here.

Wildcat: Why? Does it look like I have a problem?

Black Canary: You do if you don't see what you've become here! You're entertainment for these people! The rooster in a cockfight!

Wildcat: Fighting is what I do, alright? It's all I was ever good at and I'm still good at it - I'm Wildcat, the guy who fights! That's what I am.

Black Canary: [To Roulette] Then here's the deal: If I win, you ban Wildcat from cage fighting forever. And If I lose, [to Wildcat] I'll never bother you again.

Wildcat: Forget it!

Roulette: Can't do that, Cat - it's much too good an idea.

Black Canary: If we leave here without Wildcat, or worse, if I use my power to force him out, he'll just come back. We have to settle this the only way he understands.

Green Arrow: You're not really gonna fight him...

Black Canary: I have to. And beat him, it's the only way he can stop.

Green Arrow: [takes an arrow] I thought it was just you pretending again.

Black Canary: What's that supposed to mean?

Green Arrow: Like all the flirting you did at the Watchtower. The way you acted interested. To get me to come with you.

Black Canary: Who said that was pretending?

Green Arrow: Oh no, I know your game now.

Black Canary: It's not always a game.

Green Arrow: No? Come here, look me in the eye and say so. [Black Canary comes closer to Green Arrow, who knocks her out with gas from the arrow; Roulette enters the room and sees Black Canary unconscious] Don't worry. You'll still get your main event.

Black Canary: [to Green Arrow, who she thinks is dead] You know, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Not to mention arrogant, pig-headed, macho, and... very very sweet. [kisses him] I'm sorry...

Green Arrow: [opens eyes] I'm not.

The Ties That Bind

[Mr. Miracle has just performed a seemingly impossible escape]

Big Barda: [Relieved; hugs him] Scott! I thought you were dead! [angry; picks him up] You insufferable showboat! I thought you were dead!

Flash: Could it hurt them to show me just a little respect?

Elongated Man: Tell me about it, I've been at this longer than you and they still treat me like comic relief.

Flash: Better than being treated like a teenage sidekick! I mean, I was one of the original seven! Tell me the truth, Ralph, do I seem immature to you?

[Widen to show they are playing "Brawlin' Bots"]

Elongated Man: Not in the least.

Flash: Ha! I bopped your block off!

Elongated Man: That-that's not fair, the green guy's arms are longer!

Flash: Are not!

Big Barda: We don't need these cowards! We can do it on our own!

Flash: Great news, Bertha! You don't have to!

[Barda seizes him by the throat]

Barda: BARDA!

Flash: [squeaks] Isn't that what I said?

Flash: Robots! I love smashing robots!

Mister Miracle: No! You've got something more important to do. Search this place and find Kalibak.

Flash: Will you two be all - [robot head flies past] Okay!

Kalibak: Well, if it isn't my treacherous stepbrother. And his cow.

Barda: Arrogant worm! How dare you -! [swings at him]

Flash: Knock it off! What are you guys, twelve? I can't believe I'm the mature one here.

Kalibak: Saved by a female!

Flash: [To Big Barda] Guess you'd better drop him. [Big Barda starts to drop him] KIDDING!

Martian Manhunter: Flash-

Flash: Yeah, I know, I know, I went behind your back! But look how everything turned out! We boom back here for you, the switch went off perfectly, and now we've got Kalibak locked up on Earth where neither side can use him!

Martian Manhunter: You don't-

Flash: So, yeah! I did go behind your back, but you know what? I'd do it again! What do you say to that, big guy?

Martian Manhunter: I was only going to ask if you wanted to play Brawlin' Bots. [smiles]

Flash: ...Dibs on the green one! [zooms away]

Martian Manhunter: I wanted the green one...

Doomsday Sanction

Amanda Waller: Milo! I'll have his hide for this.

Security Guard: Doomsday beat you to it, ma'am.

Doomsday: Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time?

Superman: I know who you are. But I'm not the one who hurt you.

Doomsday: Superman is Superman. And I will kill you.

Superman: Why?

Doomsday: It's what I am; I don't care why.

Superman: [to Batman, about fears that he might take over the Earth] Well, there's always that Kryptonite you carry around.

Batman: You don't get to joke! Not today! I just took a bullet for you!

Task Force X

Deadshot: What's the target?

Colonel Flag: Justice League headquarters.

Deadshot: Always did want to die for my country.

Captain Boomerang: Ah, so we'll make our way there, pretty as you please, then maybe a picnic lunch and the Justice League will give us a ride home. We may as well be storming Heaven's Gate itself.

Clock King: Unlike Heaven, this tower has a duty roster. One I've studied thoroughly. I've scheduled your visit for when they're at their weakest.

Captain Boomerang: Define "weakest," please.

Colonel Flag: Last minute change in the duty roster, Superman's got the drop on you - what do you do?

Plastique: Before or after I change my shorts?

Plastique: I almost lost it when this bonehead set off the metal detector.

Captain Boomerang: Seventy-five cents is seventy-five cents. I'm supposed to throw away money?

[Task Force X readies their weapons in an elevator.]

Deadshot: [addressing Colonel Flag] And you? Going in unarmed?

Captain Boomerang: This one don't need no weapons.

[Deadshot and Plastique board the elevator; Green Lantern catches the door with his ring]

Green Lantern: Hey.

Deadshot: How ya doin'.

[Brief silence; Deadshot gives Plastique a sidelong glance]

Deadshot: Uh, excuse me, Mr. Lantern? For six weeks now, my wife's been after me for Hawkgirl's autograph; you wouldn't know where she's at today, would you?

Green Lantern: [annoyed] Haven't seen her. [gets off elevator]

Deadshot: Okay, thanks anyway.

Plastique: You are a very bad boy.

Deadshot: Tell me you didn't love it.

[Task Force X is attempting to escape the Watchtower; they burst onto the transport deck]

Martian Manhunter: Ask yourselves - is being in here with me what you truly desire?

Deadshot: Most fun I've had since my last root canal. Well gang, guess I'll be saying-

[Attacked by Colonel Flag]

Colonel Flag: Dream on, dirtbag. Five years. You sign up for missions like this for five years. If you survive, then you go free. You don't like it, there's a nice warm seat waiting for you back at Belle Reve Correctional.

Deadshot: Tell me, Colonel - what's Waller got on you?

Colonel Flag: Not a thing. Some of us don't have to be blackmailed into serving their country.

J'onn: Don't you understand? We can't trust him.

Green Lantern: J'onn... we can't trust anyone now.

The Balance

Zatanna: [speaking backwards] !lleH fo enorht eht no stis tsuaF !tsol si llA

[Demons are attacking Shayera; one grabs her wing but suddenly backs away]

Shayera: That's right, I'm an angel! You can mess with me if you want to, but I don't think you wanna mess with the boss! [points upward]

[Demons retreat]

Shayera: If we're lucky, they'll all be that dumb.

Shayera: Where's Faust?

Abnegazar: Let me think... oh, yeah! He's over there! No, wait! He's over there! No, there!

Shayera: One more answer, and it better be the right one.

Abnegazar: Or what? You'll kill me? Gosh, I might end up suffering eternal torment as punishment for my sins! Oh, wait - I ALREADY AM!

[Wonder Woman has a demon tied up with her lasso.]

Shayera: I've got one more question: is there anything else we should know?

Abnegazar: Yeah. You really, really shouldn't go in there. Now, could you please take this rope off of me? I'm a demon! The truth hurts...

[Wonder Woman has used her lasso to compel a demon to reveal Felix Faust's location]

Shayera: How did you do that?

Wonder Woman: Magic lasso. Who knew?

Shayera:If you don't want to tell me, fine.

[Faust is in Hades' library]

Felix Faust: Now I'm in heaven...! Figuratively speaking.

Felix Faust: [after banishing Shayera and Wonder Woman and going back to his book] Darn it. Lost my place.

Wonder Woman: You okay?

Shayera: Yeah. Didn't think I'd need a jacket where we were going. Aren't you cold in that outfit?

Wonder Woman: Not really.

Shayera: Of course not. The princess doesn't get cold. The princess doesn't even sweat in the fire pits of Tartarus.

Wonder Woman: I do too sweat.

Shayera: Please, you glow. I wouldn't be surprised if you never have to -

[In the distance, Hades screams]

[Wonder Woman attacks Faust with Shayera's mace.]

Wonder Woman: I hit a lot harder than she does.

[Wonder Woman helps Shayera to her feet.]

Shayera: You're all sweaty.

Wonder Woman: Told you.

Wonder Woman: What about us? Are we good?

Shayera: Like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don't mix.

Wonder Woman: Works for me.

Double Date

Huntress: Wildcat says you're a nutjob.

Question: Funny, he says the same thing about you.

Huntress: He's right.

Green Arrow: Alright you two, stay here. Don't make me sic Black Canary on you - you've only seen her nice side so far.

[Green Arrow leaves with Black Canary; Huntress punches Question's shoulder.]

Question: Ow! What was that for?

Huntress: All that crazy mystery man mojo, and you couldn't even pick up a clue without being seen?

Question: The key wasn't the clue. The key was mine. Now, this list of container ship arrivals I palmed when they were yelling at you: that's the clue.

Huntress: You're even smarter than they say.

Question: Smart enough to realize you don't know jack about Cadmus.

Huntress: ...I needed your help.

Huntress: If you knew all that, then you probably know what I'm gonna do to Mandragora when I catch him. So why help me?

Question: That... is the question.

Question: Somebody's following us.

Huntress: Lose them!

Question: Like airline luggage.

Green Arrow: You're not supposed to drive when you're angry!

Black Canary: They're heading towards the waterfront. Hang on!

Green Arrow: It's so funny you think you have to tell me that!

Black Canary: [through the com-link] Stop the car, Question. Pull over!

Question: Stop following us, Canary.

Huntress: Is that her? Give me that! [plucks com-link from Question's ear]

Question: Hey!

Huntress: [speaks through the com-link] You want a piece of me, blondie? Bring it! [steps on the accelerator]

[Black Canary and Green Arrow are approaching a ramp on Canary's motorcycle.]

Green Arrow: This is so unnecessary...

[Black Canary and Green Arrow are driving down a train tunnel on a motorcycle.]

Green Arrow: A-a-are we d-dead y-yet?

Black Canary: No.

Green Arrow: A-a-are we d-dead y-yet?

Black Canary: Look, if we die, I promise I'll let you know!

Huntress: Train...!

Question: I see it.

Huntress: TRAIN!

Question: I see it!

Black Canary: I can't believe you! [Hits Green Arrow] I rebuilt that bike by hand!

Green Arrow: You're absolutely right. I'm sorry I saved our lives.

Black Canary: Rrrrgghh! [Swims away]

Green Arrow: And J'onn thinks Huntress is the unstable one.

Huntress: Why go all that trouble to help? Why risk your life for me?

Question: Because I... like you.

[Huntress gives Question a long kiss, then pulls him away by his tie]

Question: Where are we going?

Huntress: Don't ask so many questions.

Black Canary: I'm sorry, but... eww!

Clash

Batman: J'onn! We're in trouble!

Martian Manhunter: Are you asking for help?

Batman: Yes!

Martian Manhunter: You never ask for help.

Batman: Just get us some reinforcements!

[Batman and Superman are conversing while battling supervillians.].

Batman: You were a little hard on the Boy Scout, don't you think?

Superman: I thought I was the Boy Scout?

Batman: I did too, 'til I met Captain Marvel. What do these guys want, anyway?

Superman: To take over the world. Or rob banks, I forget.

Superman: Why are all of you defending Captain Marvel?

Batman: We like him. He's... sunny.

Hunter's Moon

Green Lantern: [after J'onn assigns Vixen and Shayera to a mission] Why did you do that?

J'onn J'onzz: Vixen hasn't spent much time in space. A good experience for her.

Green Lantern: You know what I mean. Sending my girlfriend and my ex on the same mission?

J'onn J'onzz: Difficult though it may be for you to believe, I don't take your love life into consideration when I make command decisions.

Shayera: Can you even see what you're shooting at?

Vigilante: Nope - just keepin' 'em honest.

Parah Dul: [to Shayera] Did you really think you could get away with betraying the entire Thanagarian empire?

Vigilante: Hold up. I thought we were the ones she betrayed.

Vixen: Sounds like she betrayed everybody, cowboy.

Vigilante: Like horse hockey...! Pardon my French.

Vigilante: Hey, Vix, ain't this supposed to be your territory? Use some of your animal tricks to give us a leg up.

Vixen: What makes you think I know anything about the jungle? I live in a loft in Chelsea.

Shayera: I'm not going to argue with you. I'm in charge, you have to-

Vigilante: What, trust you? Seems to me that's been tried.

Vixen: Vig, we can't do this now - she's mission leader.

Vigilante: She's a Thanagarian! I don't know what you did during the invasion-

Vixen: I fought them.

Vigilante: So did I, for all the good it done me! Filthy hawks caught me, locked me up in a tiny cell, humiliated me - your people, Hawkgirl.

Krager: I'm supposed to believe you would give me your teammate? I'm brain-damaged, not stupid.

[Vigilante is flying a Thanagarian ship]

Vigilante: Consarned-dang-busted-horse-thievin'-alien-control-panel-which-can't-nobody-work-proper!

[Paran Dul and Vixen are fighting in the back of the ship]

Vigilante: Ya folks mind?! Student driver up here!

[After Vixen tosses Paran Dul off the ship]

Vigilante: You okay?

Vixen: I will be if you let me drive.

Question Authority

Huntress: I'm not even in the Justice League anymore, you're lucky to have me along.

Question: Hardly. You're drawn to my eccentric charm.

Huntress: You get what you came for?

Question: I believe so.

Huntress: [suggestively] Which leaves the rest of our evening tantalizingly free...

Question: There are three terabytes of data here, I'll be busy for days.

[An annoyed Huntress snatches the hard drive and glares at him.]

Question: Um... dinner and a movie?

Huntress: It's a start. [tucks the drive in her belt]

Question: I want you to understand something, Luthor. Although my distaste for you as a human being is brobdingnagian, what I'm about to do isn't personal.

Lex Luthor: What are you babbling about?

Question: Everything that exists has a specific nature. Each entity exists as something in particular and has characteristics that are part of what it is. A is A, and no matter what reality he calls home, Luthor is Luthor.

Question: If I'm to save the world, your existence must come to an end before you take office.

Luthor: [unafraid] You're going to kill me so that Superman can't.

Question: I'm a well-known crackpot. The Justice League's reputation will survive my actions, and Superman's legacy will remain intact.

[While using his newly revealed super-strength to beat up the Question]

Luthor: President? Foolish faceless man. My campaign is a farce - a small part of a much grander scheme. President? Do you have any idea how much power I'd have to give up to be president? That's right, conspiracy buff. I spent $75 million on a fake presidential campaign. All just to tick Superman off.

Superman: How can you work for these people? Do you know what they are?

Professor Hamilton: Power brokers, politicians, criminals, and black ops mercenaries with one thing in common besides: they're humanity's last hope against your kind.

Superman: What are you talking about? Humanity doesn't need protection from us.

Professor Hamilton: I used to believe that. I thought you were a guardian angel come to answer our prayers. But Lucifer was an angel too, wasn't he?

Professor Hamilton: You forget - I've been on the receiving end of your wrath, when you brought Supergirl to S.T.A.R. Labs for medical treatment. I know what you're capable of.

Superman: That's what this is about? One little scare and you betray us? You stole Kara's DNA! Violated her trust! My trust!

Professor Hamilton: The chicken, or the egg, Superman?

Dr. Moon: This doesn't have to continue. I can make you stop seeing the visions at any time. You stole files from our computer. Just tell me what you've learned.

Question: [babbling about various assumed conspiracies] Topically-applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It does render teeth detectable by satellite.

Dr. Moon: Tell me what you know.

Question: The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister!

Dr. Moon: [getting annoyed] Tell me what you know.

Question: There was a magic bullet! It was forged by Illuminati mystics to prevent us from learning the truth!

[Superman smashes into Dr. Moon's lab; Dr. Moon pulls a gun]

Superman: Don't be stupid - drop it.

[Dr. Moon drops the gun]

Huntress: Sorry - not good enough. [knocks Dr. Moon to the floor and pulls her crossbow on him]

Superman: Huntress!

Huntress: :[backs off] Yeah. Okay.

Huntress: Lean on me. We're getting out of here.

Question: [weak, babbling] Secret messages... encoded in amino acid chains in carb-free breakfast bars...

Huntress: Come on, baby doll. It's all right.

Flashpoint

[Captain Atom is trying to stop Superman and Huntress from rescuing Question]

Superman: This is ridiculous. If you're not gonna help us, get out of our way.

Captain Atom: Not an option Superman. I've got my orders, legal and proper.

Huntress: Dude, Superman just told you to step aside.

Captain Atom: I heard him, ma'am. Not gonna happen.

[Superman makes to move past Captain Atom, who punches him across the room]

[Huntress and Question are trying to escape, she tries opening a door]

Huntress: Locked. Sure, why not?

Superman: You fought a good fight. Now stay down.

Captain Atom: I can't do that, Superman.

[Cadmus medic is about to see to Captain Atom]

Superman: Don't you touch him! He's Justice League. [Carries Captain Atom out]

(Huntress removes the Question's mask, revealing his true - though battered - face)

Question: You were right. I am the ugliest guy of all time.

Huntress: Not in my eyes.

Superman: What happened, Question? How did Cadmus get ahold of you?

Question: I went to kill Luthor so that you wouldn't be able to.

Superman: That's not how we do things.

Question: How do we do things, Superman? Your counterpart killed Luthor, this Luthor is scheming to enrage you -

Superman: Doing a pretty good job of it.

Question: - ruining your reputation, turning your friends and comrades against you, creating a superpowered arms race - but you cannot succumb.

Superman: I can shut down Cadmus without killing Luthor.

Question: Carry on, then. If you're wrong, it's not like it's the end of the world - right?

Superman: Do I look like Batman to you?

Flash: Actually, you kind of do. Especially when you’re all scowly like that.

Panic in the Sky

Professor Hamilton: Hold still, Galatea! You're invulnerable. This can't possibly be hurting you.

Galatea: Boredom is my kryptonite... Okay, kryptonite is my kryptonite, but you know what I mean.

[Galatea is about to depart on her mission and stops at the door.]

Professor Hamilton: What?

Galatea: Nothing.

[Galatea goes back to Hamilton and hugs him]

Galatea: Goodbye, Daddy.

Superman: What have we done?

Martian Manhunter: We haven't done anything. An outside force took control of the binary fusion generator. Whoever's behind that is responsible for the destruction of Cadmus. Not us.

Superman: Tell that to all those people in New Mexico. They're terrified of us. So's the government.

Green Lantern: We can't let that stop us from doing our job. We aren't here to be liked. We're here to make the world a safer place.

Superman: How're we doing so far today?

Batman: You want me to what?!

Wonder Woman: Turn yourself over into U.S. custody, along with the rest of us.

Flash: Yeah, that makes sense, okay.

Superman: Meet us at the coordinates I’m sending first. We should all go over together.

Batman: This is the single dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. If you’re feeling guilty, clear your own name. Don’t stand on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to do it.

Wonder Woman: We’ve already voted. Five in favor.

Flash: Six.

Wonder Woman: You have to come with us, Bruce.

Batman: I don’t have to do anything. I’m a part-timer, remember? [Hangs up]

Wonder Woman: Actually, he took it a lot better than I’d expected.

Officer: [to the founding members of the League] Where's Batman?

Flash: Running late. The Batmobile, it lost a wheel. The Joker got away. [a soldier glares at him] That's what I heard.

Supergirl: I'm worried about them, Steel. I'm worried about my cousin.

Steel: Don't be. Everybody in the League is good at their job, but those seven? They're the best ever. Not because they're the most powerful - they aren't. Not all of them. And it's not just because they were the first. It's because they're special. They've proven it time and again. They make the hard choices, they set the example. They do what's right, not what's easiest. And they always come out on top. They're gonna be okay, Kara. We all are.

Batman: When you and Atom worked together to stop the first Amazo, he showed you the blueprints. And I suspect you have a photographic memory.

Lex Luthor: I'm too modest to boast.

Lex Luthor: Did you really think you could take me down all by yourself?

Amanda Waller: Actually, yeah. But on the off chance I might've been wrong...

[The founding Leaguers have entered through the window]

Flash: Ta-da!

Superman: It's over, Lex.

Lex Luthor: Not until I-

[Lex suddenly screams in agony; metal tendrils and components burst out of him, and a familiar Kryptonian symbol - along with a skull-like face - appears]

Brainiac: I hoped to remain hidden, until I could install myself into the android. But you've forced my hand.

Superman: Brainiac!

Divided We Fall

[After Brainiac reveals himself from within Lex Luthor]

Flash: Dude. That is messed up.

Lex Luthor: I don't understand what's happening!

Brainiac: You are under my control. I have lain dormant within you for years, Lex Luthor, subtly influencing your actions until we arrived at this point. Do you not recall my kidnapping you in this very building?

[A flashback to the Superman: TAS episode "Ghost in the Machine" is shown]

Lex Luthor: Yes... You forced me to build you a new body.

Brainiac: Kal-El destroyed that body, foiling my plans. In any event, I always have a backup plan. Consider: how could you have survived that point-blank blast from me, unless--

Lex Luthor: Unless... It wasn't intended to kill me?

Brainiac: The beam carried a nanotech payload that inserted a microscopic, holistic copy of my program inside your body. Since then I have steadily grown in strength, protecting this body until I could arrange my transfer into a more suitable one.

Lex Luthor: You cured my cancer; gave me super-strength!

Brainiac: Your animal-protein shell was insufficient for my needs. Improvements were required.

Flash: Hate to interrupt this special live performance of "The Thing With Two Heads", but it's time to go to jail now.

Amanda Waller: What he said. [shoots Brainiac/Luthor]

Amanda Waller: I'll be dipped!

Brainiac: Be gone.

Brainiac: No! I was not prepared for this battle.

[He uses the LexCorp tower to form a massive Skullship]

Brainiac: Now I am prepared.

Lex Luthor: Where are we?

Brainiac: Several miles from where the Justice League is searching. I must make repairs to my damaged systems.

Lex Luthor: And where do I fit into all of this?

Brainiac: The same as to everything else. I will record your information, then destroy the original.

Lex Luthor: [Laughs]

Brainiac: You are amused by my mission? Explain yourself.

Lex Luthor: Say you succeed. You absorb all the information on Earth and then destroy it. Then what?

Brainiac: I repeat the process across the entire universe, until I have recorded all knowledge and destroyed all of creation.

Lex Luthor: And then?

Brainiac: Then my program is complete. My function is fulfilled.

Lex Luthor: If you possess all information, you're a god.

Brainiac: My program will be complete. It is the end of all things.

Lex Luthor: What if it were just the beginning? I can show you a purpose beyond the fulfillment of your programming.

Brainiac: It is extremely unlikely that your inferior human intellect has anything to offer me.

Lex Luthor: Since we've become so close, I'm gonna let that pass. I'm offering you the one thing you've always lacked. A certain something that I happen to have in abundance.

Brainiac: Which is?

Lex Luthor: Imagination. I've got a proposition for ya, partner.

Flash: No sign of Brainiac.

Green Lantern: My ring can't trace him either.

Shayera: Okay - he's weakened and damaged. He'll need to repair himself.

Wonder Woman: He may just dump Luthor and find himself a new body.

Superman: No. He'll head right for the highest technology available.

Martian Manhunter: Higher than LexCorp? Then he'll go to S.T.A.R. Labs.

Amanda Waller: [interrupting] He'll go to Cadmus.

Shayera: Sure, he's all nanotech now, right? What's the most advanced nanotech on the planet?

Batman: The Dark Heart. [to Waller] We destroyed it, but your people confiscated the remains.

Amanda Waller: We've never been able to get any of it to work again.

Batman: Are you willing to bet Brainiac can't?

[Brainiac absorbs a Dark Heart drone]

Lex Luthor: Brainiac?

Brainiac: I have added this technology to my database. The nano-assemblers are already slaved to my command routines. With but a thought, they will convert any raw material into whatever I choose.

Lex Luthor: Then we're ready to begin. Let me show you--

Brainiac: I have learned from my encounter with Darkseid that organic beings cannot be trusted.

Lex Luthor: Can't argue with that. But if you and I are one - truly one - trust won't be an issue, will it?

Brainiac: Agreed.

[Brainiac takes control of more drones. Their matter spreads over him and Luthor, and they are merged into one being - Brainthor]

Brainthor: We are one. And we comprehend! We will build a machine that will allow us to absorb the information of the entire Earth in a single stroke. And then, the galaxy... the entire universe! We'll remake the universe!

Brainthor: Welcome, Justice League. You're just in time for the End of the World.

Superman: I know you're in there somewhere, Lex. Fight him!

Brainthor: You're right. I am in here... and I like it! I'm about to get everything I ever wanted: power, ultimate knowledge, immortality!

Superman: And you'll destroy the Earth to get it?!

Brainthor: It's business, Superman. There are always trade-offs.

Shayera: [charging forward] Less talking, more hitting!

[The League rushes in]

Brainiac-Lord Superman: We've lost their trust! The people are afraid of us! Power corrupts, after all, and who has more power than Superman?

Brainiac-Lord Hawkgirl: [attacking Shayera] Do you think there's a single person on Thanagar or Earth that doesn't despise us?!

Brainiac-Lord Green Lantern: [firing at Green Lantern] We loved the traitor! Loved and lost her - FOREVER!

Brainiac-Lord Flash: [attacking Flash] Slacker! Child! Clown! We have no place here among the world's greatest heroes!

Flash: Says you! I've got a seat at the big conference table. I'm gonna paint my logo on it!

Superman: [battling a Justice Lords copy of himself] I'm NOT like you! I'm NOTHING like you!!

Brainiac-Lord Superman: [turns into Lex Luthor] This is the part where you kill me, right? [Superman hesitates] Come on, use your heat vision. You know you want to.

Shayera: [after Green Lantern destroys a copy of the Justice Lords' Hawkgirl] You enjoyed that a little too much.

Green Lantern: Just letting off some steam. She broke my heart, you know.

Shayera: [Knocks off the head of the copy Lords' Green Lantern] Likewise, I'm sure.

Brainthor: [to Flash, the last hero standing] Looks like The Question was right all along. I kill you, and then, Armageddon. Right on schedule.

Flash: No! [breaks free and stands up]

Brainthor: Are you going to fight me, boy?

[Flash pauses, then goes running off in the opposite direction. Brainthor begins rebuilding his tower, when Flash comes in from the other side of the planet and punches him]

[After moving faster than he ever had before, and literally ripping Brainiac out of Luthor's body, Flash disappears]

Luthor: [chuckles] What do you know? I did kill him! [Looks up to see an angry Superman looming over him] I was mistaken earlier. I think this is the part where you kill me.

[Superman angrily grabs Lex by the neck, and seems prepared to use his heat vision. But he doesn't.]

Superman: I'm NOT the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to Heaven that I were, but I'm not.

Shayera: [finds the dimension where the Flash has faded to] FLASH!!!

Flash: Shayera? It's so beautiful here. There's a force - a Speed Force, it's calling me home... I have to go now...

Shayera: No, Wally! Take my hand!

Green Lantern: I'm here too, Wally!

Superman: We're all here!

[All the League members hold hands and try to pull Flash out of the Speed Force, even Batman]

Green Lantern: You gotta come back to us!

[Flash is finally pulled out of the Speed Force]

Flash: I can never go that fast again. If I do, I don't think I'm comin' back.

Superman: This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say... I'm guilty. We're guilty. Of the sin of hubris. We had the best of intentions, to be Earth's guardians, to keep you safe, but we failed you. We looked down on the world from our tower in the sky, and let our power and responsibility separate us from the very people we were supposed to protect. No one should ever be afraid of us. For that reason, we're decommissioning the Watchtower. The energy weapon up there is already gone; we're taking down the station as well.

Crowd: [Murmurings of disbelief]

Superman: There's more. We want to thank the members of the Justice League for your courageous service, but in the future, you'll all have to act as independent agents. We're not going to be an army anymore. As of right now, we're disbanding the Justice League. This is the end.

[The founding members begin to walk off the stage, but are stopped when Green Arrow speaks]

Green Arrow: Says who? You remember what we did yesterday? We saved the world. Again. You don't think that has any value? Well, think again, pal! The Justice League goes on, with or without you. Look, no one can question your service or commitment to making things better. If you're quitting because you think you've already done your fair share, fine. We'll throw you a parade. But if you're quitting because it's easier than continuing the fight, then you're not the heroes we all thought you were. The world needs the Justice League, and the Justice League needs you, Superman!

[Crowd cheers]

Batman: Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Green Arrow: Who guards the guardians? We got it covered.

[Daily Planet office; night - Lois is working]

Clark Kent: Working late?

Lois Lane: Hey, Smallville. Finishing up my Justice League story. How many "l"s in "ambivalent"?

Clark Kent: One - is that your take on all this, Lois?

Lois Lane: I've been as tough on the Justice League as anyone - especially on Superman. But that's just because he's always set such a high standard. I'm gonna cut him a break - he's only human... you know what I mean.

Clark Kent: [smiles] Yeah - I do.

Epilogue

Terry: How could you do it to me, Bruce?!

Bruce: The only thing that matters is the mission. You know that.

Terry: What about people, Bruce? Dick, Barbara, Tim, Selina - they all loved you, but eventually every single one of them left you! Ever wonder why?

Bruce: Not for an instant. They quit because when it came down to it, they didn't have the heart for the mission.

[The League has just been informed that Ace of the Royal Flush Gang has to be stopped, and is presented with a weapon to do it.]

Batman: I'll do it, Shayera. I'm the only one of us Ace knows. She might let me get close enough to use it.

Amanda Waller: Do you understand what you're agreeing to? The only way to stop Ace for certain... is to kill her.

[Ace is on a swing set in the middle of her fantasy castle]

Ace: Batman.

Batman: Ace.

Ace: Did you like playing with my new Royal Flush Gang?

Batman: Can't say that I did.

Ace: Yeah. They aren't any fun at all. I gave them their powers and they still hardly ever play with me.

Batman: Can't imagine why.

Ace: When I was little, Cadmus used to make me play all kinds of games, but they weren't any fun either. They'd strap me into their machines and poke wires into my brain - 'Ace, can you move this object with your mind?' [Telekinetically uproots a tree] Yeah, I can move it. They weren't really games you know. [stops swinging] They were training me, turning me into a weapon. 'For justice,' they said. They got their weapon - I got cheated out of my childhood.

Batman: I know what that's like.

Ace: You do, don't you? You don't have to answer; I've read your mind. That's how I knew you weren't going to use Mrs. Waller's weapon on me.

[Batman takes the weapon out of his belt]

Batman: No - I wasn't. [tosses it away]

Ace: You were going to try and talk me into fixing what I've changed...before I die.

Batman: Yes.

Ace: I'm dying very soon.

Batman: Yes...I'm sorry.

Ace: [tears in her eyes] Could you stay with me? I'm scared.

[Batman sits on the swing next to her. He offers Ace his hand and she takes it.]

Amanda Waller: As you know, I was in charge of Project Cadmus. Over the years I came to respect Batman, even trust him.

Terry: I guess the law of averages means someone had to.

Amanda Waller: Look at all this. A pill for blood pressure, a pill for my diabetes, a pill to replace my pituitary function. I don't even know what this one's for... oh yeah, Alzheimer's.

Amanda Waller: Bruce's DNA was easy enough to obtain. He left it all over town. [Terry gives her a look] Not REMOTELY what I meant. [Cut to a shot of Batman being bandaged by a paramedic]

Amanda Waller: But when you're making a Batman, genetics is only part of the story - the rest is tragedy.

[cut to outside a movie theater playing The Grey Ghost Strikes; a young Terry leaves with his parents while Waller narrates]

Amanda Waller: Stop me if you've heard it before - you're eight years old. Your parents have just taken you to a rousing adventure film - a grand time is had by all.

[cut to theater parking lot; the Phantasm waits in the darkness]

Amanda Waller: But unknown to you, a mysterious figure hides in the shadows. My plan was simple - the killer would leap out at you and kill your family. The trauma would put you on the path to becoming Batman. One problem - my assassin wouldn't pull the trigger.

[Phantasm backs off and leaves unnoticed; cut to Phantasm with Waller]

Amanda Waller: I argued with her, but deep down, I knew she was right. People say Batman's obsessive, that he'd do anything to achieve his goals - but he'd never resort to murder. So if I was to honor all he stood for, neither could I.

Amanda Waller: I've known Bruce Wayne for over fifty years, and I've been keeping an eye on you your whole life. You're not Bruce's clone, you're his son. There are similarities, mind you, but more than a few differences too. You don't quite have his magnificent brain, for instance; you do have his heart though, and for all that fierce exterior I've never met anyone who cared as deeply about his fellow man as Bruce Wayne, except maybe you.

Bruce: You're in my chair.

Terry: Yeah, guess I am. [gets up]

Bruce: Where the devil have you been?

Terry: I had some stuff to take care of.

Bruce: Enigma's overrated - especially at 3 A.M. You could've called. I made you some soup, but it's cold.

Terry: Sorry - didn't mean to worry you.

Bruce: [Trying to open his medication bottle] I was worried about Gotham. If Batman's not around -

Terry: [Opens bottle for Bruce and holds out the pills] I've got it covered - always.

Bruce: [looks at Terry for a moment and takes the pills] Kent called. Nothing apocalyptic - he just wants your opinion on a case he's working. Said you could meet him at the Metro Tower.

Terry: Right. Better suit up. [heads for Batcave entrance]

Bruce: You should eat something first. Keep up your strength.

Terry: When I get back.

Bruce: You're a stubborn piece of work, you know that?

Terry: Just like my old man.

I Am Legion

Key: Here we are Mr. Luthor. Your benefactor is looking forward to meeting you.

Lex Luthor: Does the mystery man have a name?

Gorilla Grodd: No need to be insulting, Lex - I'm far superior to any man.

Shayera: Why would you even try to move a prisoner that dangerous without calling us?

Police captain: Maybe because we thought we could do our jobs without help from the mighty Justice League.

Shayera: And yet, here we are.

King Faraday: You guys want some coffee? Apparently I got nothing better to do here.

Superman: Sorry, we got caught up in the work.

King Faraday: Special Agent King Faraday. I'm the new liaison between the Attorney General's office and the Justice League.

Aztek: Good to meet you. I'm -

King Faraday: Aztek. I've been well briefed on all of you.

[Flash is staring at Fire from across the room]

Shayera: Why don't you just go talk to her?

Flash: What, me? Talk to her? No way!

Shayera: Yeah, you'd probably be wasting your time anyway. I hear she's...you know...

Flash: ...

Shayera: Brazilian.

Flash: Ha, ha.

Shayera: If you're afraid to talk to her, I'll tell her for you.

Flash: [Running into her path] Don't!

Shayera: You are so very sad.

Flash: That thing's gonna blow! You need both hands to help Shayera - drop me!

[Fire is uncertain; Flash winks - Fire smiles and lets go]

Flash: [in freefall] Sure hope I think of something before I hit the ground...

Shayera: He told you to drop him?

Fire: He's a senior member of the team!

Shayera: You know he can't fly, right?

Flash: [Hovering above the ground by spinning his arms] Hey ladies, check me out! I'm just like a helicopter! [Loses balance and crashes to the ground] I'm sorta like a helicopter...

Shayera: Don't you ever scare me like that again! [stalks off]

Flash : [To Fire] She loves me. She's like the big sister I never had, only... you know. Short.

Flash: War wheels, robot condors...you got a pretty goofy security system here.

Chuck Sirianni: Yeah. Good times.

Chuck Sirianni: Can't fix everything by hitting it.

Shadow Of The Hawk

Dreamslayer: You think you can defeat me with a bubble?!?

[Dreamslayer uses his flame with more intensity in an attempt to break the bubble, the air runs out with Dreamslayer surrounded by smoke, Lantern dissolves the bubble and watches as Dreamslayer falls on top of a car]]

Green Lantern: It's a really good bubble.

[Shayera is about to get onto an elevator]

Green Lantern: Shayera, I wanted to - [doors open; sees Shayera in an evening gown] Judas Priest!

Shayera: Problem?

Green Lantern: No, no, it's just, uh... I've... never seen you in a dress before.

Shayera: You don't like it?

Green Lantern: It's, uh... fetching.

Shayera: If you want one for Vixen, I can tell you where I got it.

[Both get closer, about to kiss]

Green Lantern: :[clears throat] Listen...

[Batman gets on the elevator]

Batman: Glad I caught you before you did something stupid.

Shayera: Aliens? Well, then he must be a lunatic, because we know there's no life on other planets.

Batman: There's more.

Shayera: What?

Batman: Our Mr. Hall spends quite bit of time on the Internet.

Shayera: Dang, lock him up!

Batman: He frequents the "I Hate Hawkgirl" bulletin boards.

Shayera: That doesn't mean..."boards"? How many are there?

Batman: Fifty-seven. Web rings. Unaffiliated sites number in the hundreds...

Shayera: Forget I asked!

Green Lantern: You should take backup.

Shayera: [Glares]

Green Lantern: I meant Batman! I - we don't want you walking into a trap.

Shayera: [Picking up Thanagarian dagger] I can take care of myself, thanks.

Batman: The point is-

Shayera: The point is you don't trust me. Either of you.

[Walks to elevator]

Shayera: Don't wait up.

Carter: The trick is the raised glyphs. If you push them in the right order, they deactivate all the traps down here.

Shayera: And if you get it wrong?

Carter: Well, we're already in a tomb, so that's handy...

[After Carter reveals that he believes he was "Hawkman" in a previous life.]

Shayera: I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you... exactly. I just... I've got the worst taste in men.

Carter Hall: I'm serious, Shayera.

Shayera: I know you are. And I'm in a lost Egyptian tomb with my stalker. The worst part is I'm going to have to listen to John and Batman saying "I told you so."

Shayera: How stupid do you think I am?

Batman: Scale of one to ten?

Chaos At The Earth's Core

Stargirl: She's always "blah, blah, blah, my cousin, blah, blah blah blah, my cousin." Like we don't know who she means. "Check me out, I'm Supergirl!"

Pat Dugan: Ask me, the only thing that matters is we all pulled through.

Stargirl: Shut up, Pat. It wasn't World War III, it was a giant turtle.

Pat Dugan: If I was you, I wouldn't talk behind somebody's back, especially when they got super-hearing.

Green Lantern: Let's get this over with. Kara, you...

[Supergirl leaps off the battlements into the fray with a sword]

Green Lantern: Fine.

To Another Shore

Wonder Woman: Agent Faraday - what are you doing here?

King Faraday: Not smoking. Want some? [offers Wonder Woman gum]

Wonder Woman: No thanks.

King Faraday: I'm here with the Special Security Team - the Vice President is attending. But you know that already, I saw you reading him the riot act earlier.

Wonder Woman: I'm not much of a diplomat.

King Faraday: Don't sell yourself short, lady - you're an international incident waiting to happen.

[After escaping from an ice barrier around him]

Green Arrow: And Black Canary said a buzz saw arrow was self indulgent.

Henchman: What're you doing in here?

[Green Arrow knocks him out]

Green Arrow: Well, for one thing, it's freezing outside.

[Wonder Woman reads from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner as Prince Jon's body and ship are sent into the Sun.]

And now all in my own countree

I stood on the firm land!

The Hermit stepped forth from the boat

And scarcely he could stand.

"O shrieve me, shrieve me , holy man!"

The Hermit crossed his brow.

"Say quick," quoth he, "I bid thee say--

What manner of man art thou?"

Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched

With a woeful agony,

Which forced me to begin my tale;

And then it left me free.

Since then, at an uncertain hour

That agony returns;

And till my ghastly tale is told,

This heart within me burns.

I pass, like night, from land to land;

I have strange power of speech;

That moment that his face I see,

I know the man that must hear me;

To him my tale I teach.

Flash And Substance

Orion: (to Batman) I can't believe you let that buffoon manipulate you. You'd never catch me at one of those museum openings. (Batman glares at him) It's not black tie, is it?

Flash: Mirror Master!

Mirror Master: You’re quick as ever.

Flash: Yeah? Well, you’re... you’re not really all there!

Mirror Master: Oh, nice try. If you'd had another minute you’d probably think of a decent comeback.

[Flash is tied to a giant rocket-powered boomerang]

Flash: :[To Captain Boomerang] I swear, when I get outta this, I'm gonna find you and hurl all over you!

Orion: Flash?

Flash: Hey, guys.

Orion: You're tied to a very large boomerang.

Flash: Yeah...?

[Flash, Batman, and Orion enter a bar to confront the Trickster]

Batman: Where are the others?

Trickster: Those crabby hacks can go plug a hole for all I care. But I'm not about to rat 'em out!

Batman: Orion?

Orion: [grabs Trickster] Talk, while you still have a jaw!

Flash: Hey hey! Would you guys please take it down a notch? Let me handle this. [leads Trickster back to the bar and sits with him] James, you're off your meds, aren't you?

Trickster: Better off without 'em. Take 'em if I start feeling down.

Flash: You know that's not how the medicine works. You're not well!

Trickster: I'm fine. You wanna throw some darts?

Flash: No. Listen, James. You're wearing the suit again!

Trickster: I am? [examines his clothing] Well, whaddaya know?

Flash: Here's the deal, buddy. Tell me where those guys went, and I'll come see you in the hospital. We'll play darts...! The soft kind.

Trickster: Okay, they're gonna ambush you at the Flash Museum.

Flash: See? That's all we needed! [gets up to leave with Batman and Orion] Come on, we better get over there.

Orion: What about your enemy?

Flash: Oh, right! [Calls to Trickster] Dude, soon as you finish your drink, turn yourself in!

Trickster: [raising his mug] Got me again, Flash!

Orion: (about Flash) Central City builds statues to this... fool. Who makes bad jokes, and concerns himself with pitiful men like the Trickster. I don't understand.

Batman: No... you don't.

Orion: Now I understand. You play the fool to hide a warrior's pain.

Flash: Dude. Bad guys went down, and no one got hurt. You know what I call that? A really good day.

Dead Reckoning

(Superman is possessed by the spirit of Deadman)

Superman: Come on, Bruce. I know a burger place in Metropolis that has the best fries on the East Coast. And the milkshakes are so thick... I NEED YOUR HELP!

Wonder Woman: That's pretty thick.

(Much later, after Deadman leaves Superman's body...)

Superman: ...you have to eat them with a spoon! (looks around) What am I doing in Africa?

[After Gorilla Grodd's plan has failed]

Lex Luthor: Since there's only one monkey left around here, I'm assuming that the Justice League found a way to stop the carrier wave.

Gorilla Grodd: There's more than one way to peel a banana. Next time--

Lex Luthor: [Drawing a gun] I wasn't going to do this for another couple of weeks, but seriously - turning all of humanity into apes? That was your master plan?! [Shoots Grodd, then turns to the other villains] Listen up! From now on, I'm in charge of this operation. Anybody got a problem with that?

[No one challenges him]

Tala: No problem at all... baby.

The Master: And yet, here you are.

Dead Man: “Here you are”? What kind of lousy wisdom is “Here you are?”

Superman: Is everything okay?

Wonder Woman: Well, I’m sort of missing Flash’s obligatory joke about how Grodd made a monkey out of us.

Superman: Just couldn’t let it go unsaid.

Wonder Woman: Obligatory.

Patriot Act

Amanda Waller: You know better than to dwell on the past.

General Eiling: I'm talking about right now. The Justice League is still the greatest threat to global security.

Amanda Waller: I used to believe that too, but remember; we used to say the same thing about the Soviets. Remember, our enemy is never as evil as we imagine... And maybe we're never quite as good.

General Eiling: Nuts. Don't tell me the bleeding hearts in Congress got to you.

Amanda Waller: I eat them alive.

Soldier: [in General Eiling's grip] Don't kill me!

General Eiling: I wouldn't kill you, soldier. You're just doing your job. And now I'm going to do mine...

Vigilante: Ha! The exact second the movie's over, we get a mission. Dang if that ain't lucky.

Shining Knight: I still say this Clint Eastwood dishonored himself when he refused to - what was it? "Play by the rules"?

Vigilante: Partner, your medieval upbringing has done left ya' unschooled in the ways of the movin' picture.

Shining Knight: No, his proper duty is to his police captain. I see why they call him "dirty." He besmirches his order.

Vigilante: Sir Justin, if you're gonna be watchin' stuff on my big TV with the 5.1 surround sound, you had best watch what you say about Mr. Clint Eastwood.

Shining Knight: I'd slay the ogre Blunderbore all over again rather than put myself on display in this manner. Even though that ogre turned out to be-

Vigilante, Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E. and Green Arrow: Morgaine le Fey.

Green Arrow: We've all heard it.

Shining Knight: ...'Tis a good story.

Stargirl: So, what? Since we don't have superpowers it takes five of us to replace one Superman?

Police officer: Excuse me. I just want to thank you Justice League guys for turning out in force. It means a lot to us.

Green Arrow: Hey, we can't thank you enough. You're the real heroes.

Shining Knight: It's you the people come to honor.

Stargirl: Great. Now I'm petty.

Green Arrow: You see where it says "Heroes one and all"? That's what it's all about. The crowd doesn't care who can bench press a mountain, or shoot lasers out of their ears.

Old lady: Where's Superman?

Teenager in the crowd: How come none of the good ones are here?

Stargirl: We're taking this someplace else. Haven't you ever heard of innocent bystanders?

General Eiling: You ever hear of acceptable losses? You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. This country is halfway down the toilet because of you super-powered types.

Stargirl: For the record, I don't have powers, pottymouth. IT'S THE STAFF.

Vigilante: You hit 'im high, I'll hit 'im low!

Green Arrow: Whatever!

Green Arrow: Well, you wanted Superman? Now you've got--[Speedy and Crimson Avenger teleport in]-- The Crimson Avenger and my ex-sidekick.

Speedy: Ex-partner.

Green Arrow: Speedy, we gotta do this now?

General Eiling: Oooh, now I'm scared.

General Eiling: You spoiled, rich little twerp!

Green Arrow: I think he means me.

Speedy: Oh. For a second, I was all mad.

General Eiling: Superman, you coward! All your men are down, and you won't even show your face!

Shining Knight: He cannot hear even your bellowing, monster. As we speak, Superman rescues an entire star system a universe away. Do your worst - I'll not let you harm another.

General Eiling: I do what I do in service to my country.

Shining Knight: Once, at the word of my lord King Arthur, I was ordered to lay waste to an entire village. I knew my king's heart could not be so unjust, so I spared them all.

General Eiling: Then you're a lousy soldier.

[Eiling punches the Shining Knight in the jaw]

Shining Knight: There it is...the creeping moral decay of the past thousand years.

Shining Knight: Arthur thanked me, oaf! Had I been wrong, I would have handed over my sword and left the court in shame.

General Eiling:They're the ones I'm after, not you. I'm not the menace, metahumans are. Superpowered beings.

Boy: YOU'RE the only one here with super-powers.

[Eiling hesitates, then drops the car he was holding]

General Eiling: Alright, I've become what I hate-I'll give you that.

Shining Knight: Hold. (To old woman) I have yet to thank you.

Old Woman: No need to thank me, son. You just get better. World still needs protectin', you know.

The Great Brain Robbery

Luthor: [In Flash's body, runs up to a mirror] If nothing else, I can at least learn the Flash's secret identity. [Removes Flash's cowl, revealing the face of Wally West] ...I have no idea who this is.

[The Flash (in Lex Luthor's body) walks out of a bathroom stall.]

Doctor Polaris: Ahem.

Flash-in-Lex: What?

Doctor Polaris: You gonna wash your hands?

Flash-in-Lex: No! 'Cause I'm evil!

Bizarro: [Raises his hand] Me got answer.

Flash-in-Lex: Ah, excellent. Do enlighten us.

Bizarro: Ever since you plug into monkey's head, you act perfectly sane and rational. Am you Bizarro's mommy?

Tala: Just rest in here.

[pulls "Lex" into a closet]

Flash-in-Lex: Hey - that's not restful.

Flash-in-Lex: My fellow bad-guys. I, Lex Luthor -your leader- will speak now about... my, Lex Luthor's, plan. My... villainous, villainous plan. Question the plan at your peril! ...um, any questions?

Flash-in-Lex: You, evil-head guy! What's your part in this plan?

Evil Star: I'm not in the plan.

Flash-in-Lex: [pause] Right! Pop quiz! Everyone tell me his or her part in the plan.

Flash-in-Lex: Lex Luthor is pleased.

Lex-in-Flash: Attention! The man you think is Luthor is actually a Justice Leaguer disguised as me. Repeat: he is not Luthor.

Flash-in-Lex: ...I, Lex Luthor, find that preposterous.

Green Lantern: It sounds like Wally, but is there any way to be sure?

Flash: You want proof? Until he went off into the Marines, GL's nickname was-

Green Lantern: Stop! It's him. Man, you promised never to repeat that story!

Flash: I know, I was just messing with your head.

Mister Terrific: Well, can you tell us anything about Grodd's Secret Society? Where's the headquarters?

Flash: I don't know. In a swamp?

Tala: Lex? Is that really you?

Lex Luthor: Of course it's me, you twit.

Tala: [Disappointed] Oh.

Grudge Match

[Huntress is watching Black Canary while talking on a cell phone with The Question, who is searching a cold storage area]

Huntress: I'm telling you Q, Canary's totally off her game. Think she's moonlighting? Maybe she's stepping out on Green Arrow...

The Question: The deeper mystery here is why do you even care? Isn't this the woman who beat the snot out of you a few months back?

Huntress: She got a lucky shot in! Okay, five or six lucky shots. Anyway, that's not the poin-

The Question: [takes the lid off of a container.] Aha! As I suspected - thirty-two flavors.

Huntress: There's something wrong here, Q, I can feel it.

The Question: I'm the conspiracy theorist, and even I don't see anything.

Huntress: [pauses; sighs] So... what are you wearing?

The Question: Blue overcoat. Fedora.

Huntress: ...you really stink at this.

The Question: Orange socks?

[Huntress hangs up]

Huntress: You sure you're okay?

Black Canary: Worried?

Huntress: Curious.

Vixen: I don't want to hurt you, Shayera.

Shayera: But I wanna hurt you!

Vixen: Just when we were starting to get along.

Huntress: Looks like we're in this together.

Black Canary: If you call me "girlfriend," I'm going to dropkick you into the next county.

Huntress: Don't get all sentimental on me.

[Vixen pulls the League communicator out of Shayera's ear, freeing her from Roulette's mind control]

Shayera: I don't think I want to know...

Vixen: We're in a cage match fighting to the death!

Shayera: Yeah, see!

Far From Home

Bouncing Boy: I know you're a level 12 mega-genius, but you are seriously out of your mind.

Supergirl: Well?

Green Lantern: Well what?

Supergirl: Aren't you gonna give me notes on how badly I screwed up?

Green Lantern: No notes. There's nothing more I can teach you.

Brainiac 5: My name is...

Supergirl: Brainiac!

Brainiac 5: That's right, how did you... uh, oh!

Brainiac 5: Yes, I am a Brainiac, but I'm not a machine. I'm organic. The universe-conquering Brainiac you knew is my distant ancestor. Over time he learned to pass down his code biologically. I am Brainiac 5. Think of me as the black sheep of my family, dedicated to doing good to make up for my ancestor's legacy of evil.

Green Lantern: And you demonstrated that by kidnapping us?

Green Lantern: Time travel, swell.

Bouncing Boy: It's a real thrill for me to meet you, sir. You're the famous John Stewart, father of...

Green Lantern: You wanna shut up before you create a time paradox?

Supergirl: Just because he's seriously cute, doesn't mean we can trust a Brainiac!

Green Arrow: I'm not getting a bad vibe off the kid.

Green Lantern: (to Supergirl) And neither are you apparently. "Seriously cute", huh?

Bouncing Boy: Y'know, Brainy, being organic and having a heart - not the same thing.

Brainiac 5: [Caught by Supergirl] That was unnecessary; my belt protects me from any impact.

Supergirl: Maybe I was just trying to cop a feel.

Supergirl: [Fighting the Fatal Five] So what's your power? Super strength? Speed?

Brainiac 5: I have a 12th level intellect...

Supergirl: Great, you can knock him out with your diploma.

Supergirl: (To Brainiac 5) I have to know, why did you save me first?

Brainiac 5: My decision was based on pure logic.

Green Arrow: Really, 'cause Green Lantern's the most powerful.

Brainiac 5: No offense, but I don't think you can follow the reasoning of a 12th level intellect such as my own.

Green Arrow: ...Guess not.

Green Arrow: [To Brainiac 5 about Kara] Admit it, genius - you're in love with her.

Brainiac 5: Ludicrous, we just met. Moreover, as a Coluan, I'm ruled by intellect, not emotion.

Green Arrow: So in love with her.

Brainiac 5: Increased sweat gland production, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate - I thought it was guilt, but I am in love. How did you know?

Green Arrow: Just call me Cupid, junior. I never miss. [Kara comes in] I'm gonna raid this dump. See if I can upgrade my arrows with some future tech. I'll be gone for a long time, so you two are stuck with each other... alone... for a long time.

Supergirl: [About the Legion Flight ring] What's that?

Brainiac 5: The Legion Flight ring, all of us have one. [Hands the ring to Supergirl]

Supergirl: So does this mean we're going steady?

Brainiac 5: Uh...

Supergirl: Trust me, a thousand years ago, that joke was hilarious.

Supergirl: There's still a planet full of people down there who need our help. Do your job, and I'm gonna do mine.

Brainiac 5: But... [Supergirl kisses him]

Supergirl: In case I don't see you again.

Superman: So, this boy Kara likes so much, does he have a name?

[Nervous looks from Green Lantern and Green Arrow]

Ancient History

Gentleman Ghost: I like it. Very imaginative. But your ring is useless against me, Lantern.

Green Lantern: Then why are you running from it?

Vixen: Well, I’m surprised you haven’t made your move before now.

Shayera: I'm still trying to figure out the right Earth protocol for this situation. It's not like I can assassinate you in your sleep, or poison your water...I miss Thanagar.

Shadow Thief: For decades their ever-growing empire was a utopia. But nothing lasts forever. At least, nothing good.

(after Ashari cuts a flower off of a tree with a knife)

Shayera: You didn't have to do that. I can fly.

Ashari: When we're together, so can I.

Hawkman: You always were good with that thing.

Shayera: Just hit him!

Hawkman: Right!

Alive!

Grodd: This mutiny was so easy. The Secret Society hates you.

Lex Luthor: Like they love you (!)

Lex Luthor: Goodbye, Grodd. It could have gone the other way.

Grodd: It really could have, couldn't it?

Lex Luthor: No, but why speak ill of the dead?

[opens airlock]

Toyman: Twinkle, twinkle, Brainiac, Tala's gonna bring you back!

[Instead of Brainiac, as Luthor had hoped, his machine recreates Darkseid]

Darkseid: It seems I have you to thank for my resurrection. While your world will suffer slowly, I grant you a quick death!

Darkseid: Only the slimmest of chances has allowed me to overcome my death at the hands of Superman. But let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned.

[Following Darkseid's return, Luthor and the remaining members of the Legion of Doom show up at the Justice League's headquarters]

Lex Luthor: We've got a little problem.

Destroyer

Lex Luthor: Darkseid took Brainiac away from me. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore!

Giganta: Enough of the crazy talk, Lex.

Superman: Okay, let's get these people locked up. Sounds like we've got a fight on our hands.

Giganta: If you think you're locking us up while the whole world's under attack, you've got two fights on your hands.

Batman: She's got a point. We'll need all the bodies we can throw at this.

Superman: Oh, come on! It's Lex flippin' Luthor! Why should we trust him?!

Atomic Skull: Hey, it's our world too!

Lex Luthor: Let's be clear about this. We're not here to help you save the world. You're here to help me get revenge on Darkseid. When this is over, it's back to business as usual.

Superman: Wouldn't have it any other way.

Lex Luthor: Was there a plan here?

Batman: Take out the small fries until we attract the big fish's attention.

Lex Luthor: Ha! With everything going on, I bet he never notices us!

Darkseid appears]

Batman: You're on.

Superman: I'll take some of that action.

Darkseid: I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go.

Lex Luthor: You stole Brainiac! I'm gonna make you pay!

Darkseid: Unlikely.

Darkseid: I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own.

Superman: Funny. That's not how I remember it.

Darkseid: Allow me to refresh your memory. [Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]

Darkseid: Don't leave us yet, Kal-El. I want you to see your adopted homeworld bow down before me. Only then will I allow you death's sweet release.

Wonder Woman: Get away from here! It's not safe!

Elderly Chinese Man: Don't worry. I'm here to help.

Wonder Woman: I appreciate your inten... [Sees the old man easily defeating Parademons] Hera!

[The man suddenly changes into a Chinese dragon, defeating more Parademons. He then changes again, becoming the Martian Manhunter.]

Wonder Woman: J'onn! [hugs him]

Martian Manhunter: Good to see you, Diana. I've got a lot to tell you about.

Wonder Woman: We'll catch up later.

Lex Luthor: Problem?

Batman: I'm out.

Lex Luthor: (holds up his gun) Take my extra.

Batman: Not my style.

Lex Luthor: Suit yourself. I'm planning to live through this.

[Batman dodges Darkseid's Omega Beam and it hits a Parademon]

Darkseid: Impressive. No one has ever avoided my Omega Beam. I wonder if the other one is as agile. [Lex Luthor runs away] Excellent strategy.

Darkseid: Super or otherwise, you're merely a man. And I am a god!

Metron: I warned you that you were dabbling in forces beyond your comprehension.

Lex Luthor: You'd be surprised what I can comprehend!

Lex Luthor: I know a little something about risk myself. [Lex aims his pistol at Metron] Care for an object lesson?

Superman: [Fighting Darkseid] That man [Batman] won't quit so long as he can draw breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem. [Punches Darkseid through the wall] I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking care not to break something, to break some one. Never allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment. Someone could die. [Punches Darkseid again] But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose, and show you just how powerful I really am. [Punches Darkseid across the city with a single blow]

Darkseid: It's called the Agony Matrix. Direct neural stimulation of pain receptors - all of them. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life, times a thousand. Now imagine that pain continuing. Forever. Oh, that's right... you don't have to imagine.

Metron: I warn you one final time. Only a 12th level intellect has the slightest hope of surviving what you are about to experience.

Lex Luthor: Then I'm overqualified.

Darkseid: Still alive. You impress me, Kryptonian. More, your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes, there is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain... with something special I've been saving for just this occassion. [Darkseid draws a Kryptonite knife] I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room.

[Lex Luthor appears in a business suit]

Lex Luthor: As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you've got some business with me. Sorry it took me so long - I had to go get my "power suit".

Darkseid: You dare challenge me? Insanity!

Lex Luthor: Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want. The only thing you want.

[Luthor holds up his hand, revealing a dazzling shard of energy]

Darkseid: [astonished] The Anti-Life Equation!

[After Lex Luthor and Darkseid vanish through the Anti-Life Equation]

Martian Manhunter: In many ways, Lex Luthor represents the worst of what mankind has to offer.

Superman: But he died saving us all.

Batman: I doubt that either of them died.

Superman: But we saw it this time!

Flash: You saw it last time too.

Green Lantern: What's that old saying? "Believe half of what you see."

Hawkgirl: "And none of what you hear." They'll be back.

Martian Manhunter: And we'll be ready for them.

[Last lines of the series]

Superman: [To Batman] A five-minute head start? You're getting soft in your old age.

Batman: Don't you have a tall building to go leap?

Wonder Woman: And the adventure continues.