Attributed

• I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

• I want to be so famous that drag queens will dress like me in parades when I'm dead.

• People like to say "everything happens for a reason." If you repeat that in your head long enough that starts to sound like "anything can happen with a razor."

• I prefer to leave dry anal rape to the professionals.