Law & Order Quotations

Law & Order is a long-running police procedural and courtroom drama television series, created by Dick Wolf.

Opening

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: The police, who investigate crime, and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

Prescription for Death [1.1]

Max Greevy: Let's go see the Chief of Medicine. I'm sure he'll be God-like, too.

Dr. Edward Auster: You solve every case you work on?

Logan: We can tell a felony from a traffic ticket.

Dr. Edward Auster: Look, a patient walks in with a headache. She could have a subarachnoid hemorrhage, a berry aneurysm, a retro-orbital tumor...or does she just have a headache? Do you give her an aspirin? Or do you saw open her skull?

Greevey: You make this speech at funerals?

Philip Nevins: Isn't it possible that pneumonia killed Suzanne Morton?

Medical Examiner: It's possible that death rays from Mars killed her. But I don't think so.

Greevey: Look, someone's lying! Whether it's Gunja Din or Doctor God, we don't know.

Dr. Edward Auster: Well, people like to believe that medicine is pure science. Medicine is a science. But doctors know it's also a lottery.

Dr. Raza: My children want to stay in this country, my wife wants to stay, and to stay, all I have to do is to be perfect all the time!

Logan: Well you, uh, fell a little short of perfection on Suzanne Morton's chart.

Stone: We got what we needed from Dr. Simonson.

Dr. Edward Auster: An intern, Mr. Stone. Are you planning on asking the cleaning lady to testify, too? About the time I threw the tissue into the wastepaper basket and missed?

Stone: You know the difference between Auster and a serial killer?

Robinette: The weapon.

Dr. Edward Auster: When you practice medicine, Mr. Stone, sometimes the patient dies.

Stone: And when you're a lawyer, Dr. Auster, some of the people you prosecute are convicted.

Subterranean Homeboy Blues [1.2]

Stone: Do you have any other personal views on this subject you'd like to air before we walk into court and Ms. Shambala Green hands us our asses on a platter?

Greevey: What do you want?

Stone: I'd like someone around here to stay on one side of the issue for ten seconds!

The Reaper's Helper [1.3]

Greevey: Do you think a lot of cops are gay?

Logan: No way, man. The department's got a special test. They look you in the eye, and if your left eye blinks before your right eye, they know you're gay. [blinks at Greevey with his left eye]

Jack Curry: What gives you the right to decide how I should live the rest of my life?

Stone: Unfortunately, you did. Not once, not twice, but three times.

A defendant has just punched Stone in the jaw

Stone: It only hurts when I prosecute.

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die [1.4]

Greevey: How many times would you go out with her before you went to bed with her?

Logan: Once.

Logan: Are we 'your kind of people'?

Manager: Well, you make it in the looks department, but the wardrobe needs a lot of help.

Robinette: At least we gave them justice.

Stone: Justice doesn't give you grandchildren.

Happily Ever After [1.5]

Greevey: And guess who it was registered to?

Stone: Himes, Gilbert?

Logan: Nope. And not to Ralston, Janet, either.

Stone: [surprised] Ralston, Alan?!?! Great. He was killed with his own gun.

Greevey: That's amazing. I know cops who been in shooting cases that can't remember their badge numbers afterwards. Her husband gets shot, she gets shot, victim of a horrible crime, she remembers every second.

Stone: True love. They'd sell each other out for a nickel.

Stone: Either she's evil, or she's two years old. She wants what she wants when she wants it.

Janet Ralston: You don't scare me, Mr. Stone.

Stone: Oh yes I do, Mrs. Ralston. I scare you a great deal. And I should.

Greevey: I hate horseback riding. Scares the hell out of me.

Logan: Scary for the horse, too.

Gordon Schell: It's a crime of passion, Stone. Pure and simple.

Stone: A crime of passion is never pure, and it's certainly not simple.

Everybody's Favorite Bagman [1.6]

'Simonize' Jackson: You ain't got nothing on me, except what he said. And that's just heresy.

Greevey: The word's 'hearsay', Simonize.

By Hooker, By Crook [1.7]

Hotel Worker: Fifty cents! I’ve been working hotels for 40 years, and I ain’t seen a two-bit tip since those Kennedys been in office. You see what I’m getting’ at? Then this duke asks me about getting a girl, and I tell him, 'A big tipper like you don’t need no girl!'

Jasmine: You should have sent your partner. I don't usually do discipline, but I would love to teach him some manners.

Jolene Curtis: Well, Mike, you are not the kind of guy who would take offense if I ask a personal question?

Greevey: No, nah, not at all.

Jolene Curtis: Are you a cop?

Greevey: Ha, ha, ha, ha, no, why?

Jolene Curtis: Your shoes, Rogan's, and knit socks, cop shoes, cop socks.

Greevey: But I'm not a cop.

Jolene Curtis: It's two twenty for half an hour, two fifty for an hour, and for that, you get straight or half-and half. What do you say to that, Mike?

Greevey: I say you're under arrest.

Jolene Curtis: You said you weren't a cop.

Greevey: I lied.

Jolene Curtis: Isn't there some kind of a legal thing about that?

Greevey: What, lying? I'm allowed to lie. They pay me to lie.

Jolene Curtis: Doesn't seem right.

Greevey: What do you think?

Logan: Of a hooker who’s got a lawyer looks like he spends more on clothes than I make in a year? I think whoever’s paying his bill ought to adopt me.

Cookie Molina: Look--the heart--that's not the part of the anatomy the girls are interested in.

Greevey: [on Jasmine being bailed out quickly] Look at that. In and out.

Logan: Just like work.

Poison Ivy [1.8]

Logan: Somebody heard that shot.

Police Officer: In this neighborhood? You couldn't get a witness to a sunrise.

Lt. Gowdy: We’re all one family here, Sergeant.

Greevey: You an only child? I got people in my family, I wouldn’t believe ‘em they told me the sky was blue.

Stone: The truth will set you free. It won't always make you happy.

Cragen: If you're wrong, and you go after cops...

Greevey: If I'm wrong, I'll go to the grand jury and say I killed the kid.

Indifference [1.9]

Mr. Babcock: Why don't you stick to police work, detective?

Logan: Why don't you stop trying to cover your ass, Mr. Babcock?

Greevey: Mike, Mike. Take it easy. [to Babcock] He never recovered from the nuns.

Stone: I didn't hear you knock.

Shambala Green: That's because I didn't. If I'd have knocked, you would have heard me.

Eugenia Rawlings: [about Logan] Are you in charge of this ape?

Greevey: My cross to bear.

Logan: [of his mother] She was a bottomless pit. Always 'give me your undivided attention'. And when my old man couldn't take it anymore and whacked her, she'd turn around and whack me. She got this look in her eye... I knew it was coming. And that cold witch in there... she's got that same look.

D.A. Adam Schiff: What does your gut tell you?

Stone: Put 'em in a dungeon, put 'em on a wheel, and annihilate 'em.

Logan: Everything’s a mirror to her. She holds a dying kid up to it, and all she can see is herself and how it affects her. Now you give her sympathy, she’s gonna want to fight. You give her a fight, she’s gonna want a kiss. You give her a kiss and I swear to God she’ll bite your tongue out.

Jacob Lowenstein: Please. That was therapy.

Logan: For her or for you?

Jacob Lowenstein: For her! In Reichian therapy, the patient has to--

Greevey: Really get to know the therapist, hmmm?

Ben Stone: :[talking to the DA about the Lowenstein's twisted family life] I feel like I'm floating face down, and there's about a mile of dark water between me and any sense of this.

Ben Stone:One way or another, that woman hit her child. That's not what bothers me.

Adam Schiff:What does bothers you?

Ben Stone:Well...my own rage

Judge: [To Jacob Lowenstein] You, sir, are beneath contempt.

Prisoner of Love [1.10]

Cragen: Wow! I can see this leading to a whole new penological outlook -- we will only pursue homicides where the vic died in a state of grace.

Greevey: [reading a personal ad] MBBF.

Logan: Male bisexual bondage freak?

Gary Pardee: Don't make me testify. It'll ruin my career. I'm perfect for young dad parts in commercials.

Elizabeth Hendrick: Art would be much more pleasant if we didn’t have to deal with artists.

[Spoken as Police remove a plethora of bondage equipment]

Elizabeth Hendrick: It's my hope chest.

Stone: What were you hoping for?

Stone: Henry Rothman killed himself an hour ago. Couldn't face the thought of prison, I guess.

Elizabeth Hendrick: Did anyone take a picture?

Out of the Half-Light [1.11]

Robinette: You think I sold out?

Stone: Does it matter what I think? If it does I’ll tell you, but it’s something you got to decide for yourself.

Robinette: You got a ‘shave yourself in the morning’ speech?

Stone: Maybe. Do you think of yourself as a black lawyer, or a lawyer who’s black?

Robinette: Depends on the context.

Stone: You make a decision based on something from within. You live with it, you examine it, it’s all you got.

Robinette: You think by morning I’ll come to love it?

Stone: No, but I don’t think you’ll have any problem with the guy in the mirror. See you tomorrow.

Ronald Eaton: You look me in the eye and you tell me this system is just. This system is equal.

Robinette: At times the system stinks, Eaton. I know that as well as you do. But don’t for one damn minute tell me that your self-aggrandizing polarization is going to solve the problem. Don’t tell me that tearing down a 200-year old justice system, no matter how flawed, is going to alter the consciousness of a society. Now, we’re past the separate drinking-fountain stage. We’re past legal discrimination. We’re at the hearts and minds stage. And believe me, there’s no quick fix.

Ronald Eaton: Another zombified soul casts his vote for order rather than justice. Negative peace over positive peace.

Robinette: Paraphrasing Martin Luther King’s thoughts won’t lend credence to yours. King walked with the angels...you’d slide in slime on your belly to get what you want.

Life Choice [1.12]

Max Greevey: Seventeen-year-olds shouldn't be doing the thing that makes babies.

Logan: And crooks shouldn't have guns. Get real.

Stone: Objection, this case is being judged on the temporal plane, your honor.

Kevin Donovan: :[talking about the effect of his sister's death. He seems almost numb.] This morning, my father made himself a cup of coffee. Put in milk, sugar...then he went over to the sink and poured it down the drain. He didn't know what he was doing. I was taking the highway to work, and I forgot to get off. I got to 95th street before I realized. I used to have a sister, and suddenly...I don't.

D.A. Adam Schiff: Amazing. Getting angry. The most emotional issue that the law has dealt with since suffrage. Look at us: three men. Talking about what rights women should have over their own bodies. Now doesn’t that strike you as a little one-sided?

Mr. Donovan: Our daughter acted according to her own conscience. We can live with that-

Mrs. Donovan:[interrupts him, distraught] YOU can live with that! A martyr will never be able to tell me what a wonderful day she had at school. A martyr will never have a wedding. A martyr will never have children!

Stone: If you’re gonna stick your finger in my eye, Mr. Ballard, clean your own nails first.

Stone: If abortion is murder, then no matter how you feel about Mary Donovan, aren't you guilty of the murder of her unborn child?

A Death in the Family [1.13]

Greevey: What if it was just you and Walker, alone in an alley, he had no gun, and was willing to surrender?

Det. Profaci: I'd shoot him in the face.

Cassie: You know, when I was a little girl, mama used to tell me that you do good? You'll be okay. [pauses] I guess kids got to believe that. 'Else they'd never grow up.

Landlord: I never got the fuss when a cop gets killed. You guys get paid to deal with scum- Whatcha think's gonna happen, you do that? Two weeks, three weeks... you'll be gone. But I'll still be here, and so will the company that pays my salary.

Ben Stone: Do you know what this is?

Convict: It's a gun.

Stone: [sarcastically] Very good, can you spell gun?

Convict: Sure. D-E-A-L.

Stone: I see you've passed the spelling test.

The Torrents of Greed (1) [1.15]

D.A. Adam Schiff: I don’t photograph well with egg on my face, how about you?

Delivery Man: Look man, you know how hard it is to get work? I keep my eyes closed, I keep my job.

Greevey: What about your ears?

Delivery Man: Sure, I hear stuff.

Greevey: What kind of stuff?

Delivery Man: Like guys that talk don’t talk for very long. Look, I’ve seen Godfather I, II, and III.

Cragen: This is New York, remember? Sometimes people get beat up just for the hell of it. Sometimes they even get dead, it's a fact of life.

Logan: Hey, they don’t play by the rules, why should we?

Stone: Because that’s our job.

Stone: 'Big Frankie', ha, ‘Dandy Don.’

D.A. Adam Schiff: You too can have monogrammed socks.

Logan: Let me ask you something. If you liked Isaac so much, why’d you clean his register?

Hoover: Didn’t look like he was gonna need it.

Greevey: Did you see anything unusual in the neighborhood this morning?

Newspaper Delivery Worker: It’s Greenwich Village, man. You tell me.

The Torrents of Greed (2) [1.16]

Laurel McGinty: I inspect five buildings a day, five days a week, fifty weeks a year. So I missed a couple of violations, I’m human. You never lost a case, Mr. Stone?

Stone: Well, one mistake is human. Two is perhaps a lapse in concentration. Three is stupid, but the same mistake consistently over a period of two years indicates another form of human fallibility here.

Laurel McGinty: Such as what?

Stone: Greed?

Judge Fishbein: You lost, Mr. Robinette. This is America. One strike and you're out.

Robinette: That’s why we need a warrant.

Judge Fishbein: [laughing] A warrant. Sounds like a fishing license to me.

Greevey: [in a lot filled with exhumed corpses] What have we got so far?

Logan: Masucci’s greatest hits.

Stone: Call Cragen and tell him to pick up Masucci.

Robinette: For what?

Stone: I don’t give a damn. For spitting on the sidewalk.

Pilefsky: You’re bluffing.

Logan: Yeah, you’re right. We’d be real upset if something happened to a piece of crap like you.

Greevey: From '80 to '88, Beigal made The Post's 50 Worst Landlords list. Last two years, he's spotless.

Cragen: Maybe he got religion.

Greevey: You ever hear of Don Quixote?

Stone: Did you ever hear about David and Goliath? And we have God on our side.

Logan: Katherine Beigel did in ten seconds what we couldn't do for ten years. Put Frank Masucci out of business. Permanently.

Stone: Justice is blind, detective. Nobody said it was fair.

Mushrooms [1.17]

Cragen: Nobody has a 'verbal altercation' anymore, you notice that?

Stone: You know, this Chamber of Commerce routine is getting on my nerves.

Logan: Ronald, stupid and tough is a bad combination.

Ronald Griggs: Yeah, well, it works for you, man, right?

Mrs Griggs: Maybe if we knew exactly what you were looking for-

Logan: We wanna know who pulled the damn trigger! 'Cause it sure as hell looks like your Ronnie did it.

Mrs Griggs: [Turns slowly to Ronnie] Tell them, Ronnie

Ronald Griggs: [Smugly] No.

[Mrs Griggs stands up, raises her hand and slaps Ronnie fiercely]

Mrs Griggs: You think you can play this fool game with me?!

[Logan Greevey are interrogating Diz Williams, a suspect in the murder]

Mr Williams: My boy is 13, you can't do nothing like this! You gotta go to juvey, you gotta-

Greevey: We can do plenty when it comes to felony homicide, Mr Williams! So if you don't wanna blow parole, just shut up!

Robinette: We need motive.

Greevey: Who says the little son of a bitch needs motive?

Cragen: Max...

Greevey: [loudly and with anger. At each 'Bam' he mimes gunshot] What the hell's his motive for this anyway?! "He took my seat." BAM. "He looked at my girlfriend." BAM! "I need dem shoes." BAM!

Cragen: Max has been busting his chops on this case.

Robinette: I understand...

Greevey: Hey, I can apologize for myself, alright? Only I don't feel very apologetic! I'm fed up!

Kay’s Lawyer: You haven’t mentioned any incentives for cooperation.

Stone: No? Well...how is this: if your client doesn’t start talking now, I’ll tear his life apart.

The Secret Sharers [1.18]

Stone: The Commandment says: 'Thou shalt not kill.' It does not say 'Thou shalt not kill nice people.'

Shambala Greene: I'm going for temporary insanity.

Stone: Yours or your client's?

The Serpent's Tooth [1.19]

Sasha Osinski: [on the witness stand] Some of my money in bank, yeah.

Stone: Some? Now, the bank records show that there was, last month, $6,011,301.26.

Sasha Osinski: If you say so.

Stone: And the month before that, $9,615.

Sasha Osinski: Sounds right.

Stone: A six million dollar difference, uh…good month at the discount store, sir?

D.A. Adam Schiff: A prosecution based on debt re-financing. That’s going to get you real far with the jury.

Stone: I’ll lay it out for them. I'll draw them a Monopoly board.

D.A. Adam Schiff: Yeah, I’d like to see them get from 'Park Place' to 'Go.'

The Troubles [1.20]

Logan: :[They look through a Lebanese restaurant's garbage ] How could somebody eat something that could even get to smell that bad?!

Special Agent Axelrod: What’s the matter with you guys in the D.A.'s office? Got no peripheral vision? Can't you see the big picture?

Robinette: We're just not blinded by it.

Robinette:Its a whole new concept: crime without punishment

Patrick McCarter: I'm no terrorist. I'm a soldier

Daniel Mallahan: What he means is, he is a man of conscience.

Stone: What he means is, he is the misguided, romantic dupe of those who consider him completely expendable.

Logan: You know, it's weird. Two of our grandparents come from the same town. We've both got uncles that's priests.

Greevey: And you're both Libras. That’s destiny for you.

Logan: [reading faxes written in Arabic] Looks like a breakdancing chicken wrote this.

Greevey: O'Connell will have you believing there's no snakes in Ireland.

Logan: There aren't.

Greevey: Uh, touché.

Ian O'Connell: May I ask you a question, sir? How with the map of Donegal on your mug did you ever end up with a name like Stone?

Stone: Happenstance, sir. Same way you ended up with the name of a real Irish patriot.

[After O'Connell has dismissed lethal IRA operations as 'human error'; following the testimony of a woman whose family was killed by a bomb O'Connell himself planted]

Stone: [To O'Connell] Take a good look. There's your "human error".

Sonata For a Solo Organ [1.21]

Logan: [about McDaniel having his kidney stolen] Whoa! Talk about getting your pocket picked!

Cragen: Grand theft kidney. Terrific.

Surgeon: Kidney, kidney, never leave home without one.

Logan: You didn't think it odd that she had an anaesthesia machine delivered right to her apartment?

Medical supplier: Last week, I had a guy order 100 bedpans. For jello molds.

Drew McDaniel: [testifying in court about his kidney being taken] People talk about feeling violated when some punk breaks into their apartment and steals a TV set. I felt raped.

O.T.N. Executive: The public must understand that the Organ Transplant Network is the one true democracy. One of the few instances where money doesn’t talk. At all.

Joanna Woodleigh: If you prosecute him, he'll die. I know he will. And for what? Mr. MacDaniel is going to be a very wealthy man.

Stone: With only one kidney.

Joanna Woodleigh: Just like I have, Mr. Stone. The hope is we'll both live long and happy lives.

Stone: Please believe me, I'm glad you're healthy again. I know how close to death you were. But, Ms. Woodleigh, do you really think your father would have acted any differently if you had needed a heart instead of a kidney?

Greevey: It's easier to bust out of Attica than to leave a hospital without paying.

Reberty's Attorney: What's it going to take to make you happy, Stone?

Stone: The Mets in the Series, peace on Earth, and Dr. Reberty in Dannemora.

The Blue Wall [1.22]

Robinette: Plane lands, 2:45. Doorman says Detective Shearer and his wife got home at 4. He went upstairs, dropped his bags, left again 10 minutes later.

Det. Shearer: To get the drycleaning.

Benjamin Stone: After your honeymoon? That's very romantic. Paul?

Robinette: According to the doorman, Detective Shearer was gone for 3 hours.

Stone: Your drycleaner in Philadelphia?

Peter O'Farrell: If there's any crookedness, I'll buy the whole department dinner.

Logan: At these prices, you'll have to take out a second mortgage.

Peter O'Farrell: Only if I'm wrong.

Cragen: This is freakin' amazing. I don't know a computer disk from a slipped disk.

Judge: Before we adjorn, I want to note for the record that I am appalled. We often say that our public officials are not above the law, but that's not enough. They represent it; if they don't obey it, who will?

God bless the child [2.5]

[Mike Logan and Phil Cerreta listen to 911 call recordings, describing what they hear.]

Cerreta: Grandmother fell down the stairs... Daddy's beating up mommy...

Logan: An accident... boiler room explosion...

Cerreta: Want to move to a small town in New Jersey? I know one with a nice police chief.

Misconception [2.6]

[Logan and Cerreta jokingly discuss the alibi of a cab driver]

Logan: It's not bulletproof. I used to drive a cab- I'd some nights park outside of Susan Dennis' house, take care of business, and pay the fare myself.

Cerreta: [chuckles] So that would have been what, three or four minutes?

Logan:[grins] More like a trip to the airport.

Out of Control [2.08]

Dr. Olivet: There's nothing as powerful as the unspoken.

Dr. Olivet: Girls are constantly bombarded with images of who they should be to attract boys; movies...magazines...television...Madonna...

Andrea Fermi: If you think that a woman doesn't know when she's being raped, then I hope you never find out how wrong you are.

Heaven [2.10]

[The suspicious burning of a Latino nightclub, 'El Cielo', leads to the deaths of 53 people, and is quickly determined to be arson. ]

[Logan and Cerreta interrogate a hungover suspect.]

Logan: Where'd you go after that?

Chuey: No se.

Logan: No se? Or won't se?

Cragen: What is less than square one?

Cragen:The entire city is enraged at the deaths of people who, normally, they wouldn't have time of day for.

[The arsonist reveals being hired to burn the nightclub.]

Defence Attorney: If he goes to jail, whoever hired him will kill him.

[Robinette picks him up and pins him against the wall]

Robinette: Listen, man: you don't go to jail and there are about 500 family members happy to kill you, you know what I'm saying?

Cesar Pescador: El Cubano, he told me to send them a message. 'A few of them burn, so what?' he said. 'there's a lot more where that came from.' A lot of Salvadoreans in that club. And they...got the message. They got the message.

DA Adam Schiff: Why would a man in the position to help his people do something like that? What the hell happened to 'give me your huddled masses?' What the hell happened to this city?

His hour upon the stage [2.11]

A restauranteur with connections to the mob about a body he found in his fridge: I even called around. 'Hey, did anybody whack dis guy what's in my freezer?'

Severance [2.13]

Cerreta: These guys sound like Boy Scouts.

Logan: Or shadow lives. Somebody paid good money to have them killed- you peer long enough, something emerges from the shadows.

Logan: Law Degree. A license to lie.

[Teasdale is convincing Tina to lie about Frank Kemp's whereabouts]

Tina McManus: Sorry, I'm not very good at this.

Larry Teasdale: For 25 thou you'd better be.

[Stone and Robinette discuss the hiring of Arthur Gold as Charles Martine's lawyer.]

Stone: If you're referring to the Jacobs case, that was six years ago, we were understaffed, and that laundry list of paperwork he made was abusive.

Robinette: It was good enough to suppress the murder weapon. Good enough to beat you.

Schiff: No excuses, you screwed up!

Stone: I thought-

Schiff: -Brains didn't enter into it!

Frank Kemp: What are you putting in your coffee, Stone? 'Cuz you're high if you think-

Stone: I think this offer is good for another thirty seconds.

[Arthur Gold has lost the case to Stone.]

Arthur Gold: You're not that smart- you never were. [grins] Call me, we'll do lunch. [He drives off.]

Robinette: You'd really eat lunch with him?

Stone: Oh, maybe. If he orders crow.

Skin Deep [3.1]

Cragen: So where does that get us? A lover's quarrel?

Logan: After sex? Most people, you fight, and then have sex.

Cerreta: [To Cragen] He's not married.

[On interviewing models who might have killed a photographer]

Cerreta: Look on the bright side. If we do this all week, you'll never have to buy Playboy again.

Logan: What're you saying, I treat all women like objects?

Cerreta: More specific. Like furniture.

Cotton Queen: Sure, he asked me to do it. $2500 a week on my back instead of $500 on my feet.

Logan: Well, it must have been tempting.

Cotton Queen: Maybe to you. But, honey, I don't think you'd survive. In my experience, cops just can't perform that often.

Cerreta: So you never turned a trick, huh?

Cotton Queen: Most beauty contests, some cracker judge would put his hands on my ass and offer me more money than I had ever seen to be his "date". I didn't do it then, I don't do it now.

Logan: Hey, Phil. You know that warrant you told that health club guy you'd get? Exactly what probable cause did you have in mind?

Cerreta: A senile judge.

Cragen: She's a hooker, Paul. She slept with her pimp, she got very angry, and she stabbed him. Call Eyewitness News, we've never seen anything like this in New York City before.

Shambala Green: [To Stone] Murder two? You couldn't convict her of bad manners.

Stone: If we had perfect cases, we wouldn't need juries.

Stone: Okay, so it's not a walk in the park.

Schiff: Yes, it is. You're going to get mugged.

Forgiveness [3.3]

[Regarding a steel pipe used as to kill a victim]

Cerretta: I don't think we're gonna trace it. We're still working on gun control. Pipe control's a way off.

Cerreta: You save your high school prizes?

Logan: Yeah. First prize. Multiple dress code violations.

The Corporate Veil

[Cerreta and Logan are investigating the death of a teenager due to a defective pacemaker. They have discovered it was second hand, and was in somebody else beforehand.]

Cerreta: This pacemaker has a lifespan of five years; That first cardiologist said it was in Mrs Barnett for three years.

Logan: That's right. And Halin said when he implanted it in Roberto, it was three years before the expiration date.

Cerreta: How's your arithmetic?

Logan: I know that three plus three equals Murder Two.

Prince of Darkness [3.8]

[In an undercover job, Cerreta has been shot by a gun dealer]

Cerreta: Thirty years...I never even...fired...

[The murderer of the hitman the DA's office was prosecuting has fled to Columbia, and they are discussing the case. The phone rings.]

Schiff: Yes? [Listens] Uh-huh? [Continues] Not an accident? [Continues] Thank you. [Hangs up] The gun dealer was in the yard at Rikers; had his throat cut. The victim's mother was thrown out a third-storey window.

Robinette: What about the little girl?

Schiff: She was picked up after school by her uncle.

Stone: She doesn't have an uncle.

[Schiff looks horrified.]

Point of View [3.9]

Briscoe and Logan are arresting a suspect who's on the phone.

Briscoe: [Takes the phone] He'll call you back in 25 years.

Briscoe has just accepted a free meal from a snitch]

Briscoe: Look, he thinks I'm corrupt, so he trusts me, all right?

Conduct Unbecoming [3.17]

Stone is cross examining a Navy Captain accused of murdering a female Lieutenant.

Stone: What about the prostitute eyewitnesses saw you with, Miss Tammy White? They reported that you got very angry towards her-

Captain: That bitch deserved it!

A brief silence.

Stone: Which bitch is it, Sir? Lieutenant Hagen or Tammy White?

Profile [4.4]

Lionel Jackson: [testifying against a racist killer] I remember the voice of the first white man who told me not to come in his store. I remember the voice of the doctor who told me I had a healthy son. And I remember the voice of the man who took out a gun and shot me.

Apocypha [4.7]

Logan: My mother used to beat me with one hand and hold a rosary with the other. The next time I enter a church, it'll be in a pine box carried by six of my friends.

The Pursuit of Happiness [4.10]

A defence lawyer is attempting to discredit the Prosecution's Korean-American eyewitness with expert testimony that Cross-Racial Identification is unreliable.

Judge: You have an expert witness?

Lawyer: I do, judge: a psychologist.

Stone: Why didn't we hear about this in pre-trial motions?

Lawyer: Gee, Ben, I'm sorry. I was a little late with my legal research.

Stone: You knew about this weeks ago; you warned me that this witness would be a problem.

Lawyer: [Hurried] I don't recall that.

Judge: Off the record, please. [His scribe stops typing] I can't prove this, Tom, but I think you're lying.

Lawyer: Your honor, I don't think —

Judge: Don't play dumb with me. You didn't want Ben to know where you were going. I'll let you have your witness, but one of these days, you're gonna get caught, you'll get disbarred, and I'll be there to applaud.

Schiff: Quick, lock the door; someone might walk in with a case we could win.

Stone: Come on, Adam, the jury didn't buy it. Cross-racial identification, it's bogus.

Schiff: I wouldn't count your chickens; your omelette just hit the fan.

Nurture [4.20]

[Logan and Briscoe are reading a young kidnapping victim's notebook of poetry for clues about who may have taken her]

Briscoe: [reading from notebook] "Flying away on a giant beast with my suitcase in its teeth."

Logan: That doesn't sound like Fenady to me.

Briscoe: Wait a minute. "On leather wings, I fly beyond, on top my friend the pteradon." The flying beast is a dinosaur.

Logan: So a brontosaurus did it.

Second Opinion [5.1]

Briscoe and Logan are arresting a suspect.

Secretary: Excuse me?

Briscoe: [Continuing past her] Don't mention it.

McCoy: One mistake, it's human. Two mistakes, it's unforgivable. Three mistakes, she's a murderer. Four mistakes, she's a damn murderer and she belongs in prison!

Competence [5.6]

Van Buren: Were you born a smart-ass, or did it just come with the job?

McCoy: I'm a pussycat. You should've met my old man.

Van Buren: Lawyer?

McCoy: Cop.

Guardian [5.11]

Lawyer: Well, I trust you're here to apologize, Lieutenant.

Van Buren: I do my repenting on Sunday.

Progeny [5.12]

McCoy: Well-meaning people can disagree, especially about the most socially devisive issue to face our country this century. Drew Seeley has an opinion about abortion. He thinks that his opinion entitles him to kill people. Here's what he did. He hunted down a woman named Eileen Reid, he gave Randall Jenkins a gun and told him to shoot Eileen Reid. And he did. Drew Seeley is a self-appointed executioner. If you let him go, you better just pray that one day, someone like him doesn't find some fault with you.

[Drew Seeley approaches the jury and speaks to an African-American juror]

Drew Seeley: A hundred and fifty years ago, you weren't considered a person. Or you. Or you. A man named John Brown thought that was wrong so he took violent action to liberate black American slaves. Well, he was caught and brought to trial and hanged because slavery was legal and the law said that slaves were not people deserving of protection. But you know what? John Brown was right. And the law was wrong. Now John Brown is considered a hero. Today, abortion is legal but I tell you, that law is wrong. Like John Brown, I follow a higher law. I ask you to do the same.

McCoy:[To Seeley] You can't point a gun at another human being, even an abortionist, and pull the trigger because, in your soul, you know it's wrong.

McCoy:You don't protect the weak, you manipulate the weak and get them to kill people for you.

Rage [5.13]

Logan: Any chance you like any of the men you work with?

Female stockbroker: Give me a break, Detective. There's only two kinds of men that work on Wall Street. Standard and poor. [She gives Logan a speculative look.] But I hear that peace officers are a whole different story.

[Stockbroker enters limo. Briscoe and Logan look at each other.]

Briscoe: [grinning] You got your yardstick handy?

Logan: Oh, I got my tape measure.

[Talking about the suspect]

Logan: It's weird. The guy's got more money than God, but he lives worse than I do.

Van Buren: Howard Hughes never clipped his toenails. Got any homicides we can pin on him?

[After finding a ticket on their car]

Logan: [snatches ticket from the windshield] Aww, what is this? They got no respect anymore, these meter maids.

Logan: [to a Wall Street trader accused of murder] Well, you got your $2,000 suits and you got your hotshot degrees but, from where I'm standing, you're no better than some punk who robs a 7-11 store and blows away the cashier to cover his tracks.

Greer: I graduated summa cum laude from Harvard, magna from Stanford Business. I have 17 traders working for me, and I booked almost a billion dollars in trades over the last two years. Not only am I better than your punk at the 7-11, I'm a hell of a lot better than you, Detective Logan.

Performance [5.14]

[Talking about amateur porn movies]

Logan: Hey. How'd you like to be in one of these movies?

Briscoe: You kidding me? I don't even like to look at my own X-Rays.

[Speaking to an editor at The Swinger's Guide]

Editor: Rape isn't part of the swinging lifestyle. The pleasure comes from an open and willing sharing.

Briscoe: Ah, but whatever happened to romance?

Editor: Our readers are interested in exploring another side of their sexual selves.

Logan: Yeah. The side marked "this end up."

[Briscoe is reading a copy of The Swinger's Guide]

Logan: What're you looking for, a date?

Briscoe: [reading] "Open-minded MBBF seeks mature man."

Logan: [looking puzzled] What's that? Male bisexual bondage freak?

Briscoe: I'm more in the mood for a BLT.

Briscoe: Hey. Are you the famous Seeing-Eye Dogs?

Band member: Yeah, we used to be. Now we're Protazoa. Who're you?

Briscoe: [flashing badge] We're the Police.

Band member: Too late, guys. Sting already used that one.

[After arresting a group of teenager for Conspiracy to Commit Rape, one of them is making a deal.]

Quinn's Attorney: You understand, Mr McCoy, we're only interested in full immunity. No jail, no probation, no charges; preferably the arrest is expunged.

McCoy: And what do we get from Mr Quinn here?

Attorney: Anything you need to know about the Mac Rangers. Anything to make your case.

Ethan Quinn: This is wrong. I-

Mr Quinn: Shut up!

McCoy: No thanks. I can make the conspiracy charge without him.

Attorney: Then why are we here?

McCoy: I want Shane Sutter for rape.

Ethan: I told you, we never-

Mr Quinn: If I have to tell you to shut up again, you're gonna remember it!

Seed [5.15]

Logan: The nuns at my school were less sanctimonious than that guy.

Briscoe: The nuns at your school never went to medical school. You know those MD plates gets you a better parking spot in heaven.

Briscoe: [to Logan] You know, if I didn't already know you didn't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.

[Speaking of artificial insemination]

Beth: It's the best relationship I ever had with a man.

Briscoe: I thought it was supposed to be anonymous.

Beth: That's exactly my point.

[Leaving the home of a pregnant lesbian couple]

Logan: Brother. And I thought I had it bad being brought up by two alcoholics.

Briscoe: I wonder which mommy's gonna teach him how to smoke and drink.

Logan: And shave.

Briscoe: Well, it's the '90s. Everybody's allowed to be gross and disgusting, not just you.

Logan: Well, all I know is I had one mommy, and she did enough ball-breaking for one lifetime.

Wannabe [5.16]

[Discussing the chairman of the board of a prestigious private school]

McCoy: Not coincidentally, he's the one who assured us of the school's full cooperation.

Clare: Instead, the school circled the limos to keep the Barclay name out of it.

Schiff: I'm shocked.

McCoy: This isn't stink bombs in the boy's room, Adam. They hindered prosecution of an A felony.

Schiff: Now I'm very shocked.

[In interrogation with Mr. Barclay and his son.]

Mr. Barclay: I guarantee you, it was Harrigan that put him up to it. He and his father, they're all alike, with their Irish temper, they lose control, and the next thing you know, you have a murder--

McCoy: Oh, so Harrigan did it because he's a Mick? Detective Logan is a Mick. I'm a Mick, sir. And if you don't shut up, I'll lose control and throw you out of the room!

[McCoy has gathered the suspect's friends at the police station]

McCoy: I'm Jack McCoy. I'm the Assistant District Attorney for New York County. You are invited here to talk to me about the murder of William Harrigan. And make no mistake: you will talk to me. You're going to tell me every thing you know about Stuart Barclay and Colin Harrigan's roles in that killing. If you don't, if you lie, I'll add a new word to your vocabulary: conspiracy, to commit murder. You could serve as many years as you have candles on your birthday cake. Who wants to start first?

Boy: You don't scare me. You can't lay a hand on us.

McCoy: I don't see anyone here to stop them. [Police Officers] This isn't a music video, son, this is reality. A man is dead, and our patience is wearing thin.

McCoy: It's over, Scott. Even your father realizes it. I've got you for conspiracy, and if I eat my Wheaties I can get you for second degree murder, and I won't care that you didn't actually pull the trigger.

Act of God [5.17]

McCoy: I'm sorry about the cross-examination detective, I just had to rule Palley out as a suspect.

Briscoe: Hey, no problem. They pay me plenty to look like an idiot.

Privileged [5.18]

[After visiting a series of disgruntled exes who've had dealings with a high-powered divorce lawyer]

Logan: You know, the more I talk to these guys, it reminds me why I stay single.

Briscoe: You mean it's not just the quality time you get to spend with yourself?

[After Logan has complained to Van Buren about the number of suspects, and Briscoe comes in with a lead on a suspect.]

Logan: Wow. That's almost a clue.

Van Buren: And it beats heavy lifting.

Briscoe: What?

Logan: It's Anita's sense of humor.

Van Buren: Lieutenant Anita to you.

Bad Faith [5.20]

[McCoy has found the evidence he needs to convict a paedophile ex-Priest for 30 years of sexual abuse, and is offering him a harsh plea]

Krolinsky: For God's sake, Mr McCoy, I have a family.

McCoy: I feel sorry for them.

Krolinsky: Look, I wanna get help. I'm a sick man, I-

McCoy: You're an adult! Your victims were children. There isn't anything you could say that would make me feel sorry for you.

[Logan confronts the paedophile ex-priest who sexually abused him]

Logan: How could you do those things? We called you Father!

Aftershock [6.23]

Doctor: [to a condemned murderer about to be executed] I heard you did okay last night.

Murderer: Meatloaf and mash, couple of Dr. Peppers.

Doctor: I'd have gone with a pizza, sausage and peppers.

Murderer: Maybe I should start over.

Anita Van Buren: [voiceover narration over Claire Kincaid's death scene] A crowd of people stood and cheered when he raped her. They were supposedly good people, and they did nothing. Then he beat her to death with a tire iron. And today, the state of New York got its revenge. It's too much, and it's not enough.

Causa Mortis [7.1]

McCoy: [to Briscoe, about Kincaid's death] You know, a few weeks before it happened, she told me she wanted to quit. I persuaded her to stay.

Briscoe: Yeah, well... I could have walked past that bar.

D-Girl [7.15]

Greta Heiss: Who told you she had breast implants?

Briscoe: We're the police. We know everything.

Showtime [7.17]

Schiff: You got what you wanted. Take the rest of the week off.

McCoy: It's Friday, Adam.

Schiff: So it is. See you on Monday.

Double Down [7.19]

Curtis: So he walks for killing a cop but does hard time for killing a cop killer?

McCoy: An irony he can savor for the next 25 years in Attica.

Curtis: What if I had tesitified that you told us to shut up?

McCoy: It would have hurt. At least you got to dodge the question by calling me an idiot.

Curtis: Yeah, that helped.

Thrill [8.1]

[McCoy is trying to prosecute a pair of thrill killers]

McCoy: I'm playing legal tiddlywinks with these punks. What I'd really like to do is take them out to Battery Park and hang them by the scrotum.

Schiff: Clarence Darrow had Leopold and Loeb. Who do we have?

McCoy: Beavis and Butthead.

McCoy: A jury says two guns can fire the same bullet, the church protects two murderers, and the victim's mother forgives them.

Ross: Could you...?

McCoy: Forgive them? No. I wonder what that says about us.

Harvest [8.4]

Defense Attorney: I got bent over a chair by Miss Ross before. Now I'm getting another tingling sensation in my butt. Why is that?

Ross: ...wishful thinking?

Under the Influence [8.11]

McCoy: He kills three people and hides behind the bottle.

Ross: The law says he can.

McCoy: The law. [scoffs] Probably written on a cocktail napkin. Intent follows the bullet! It shouldn't matter if it was fired by a drunk or Carrie Nation.

Divorce [8.16]

Dr. Burke's Husband: You killed my wife to win a divorce case -- and you're sorry?!

Cherished [9.1]

[New ADA Abbie Carmichael has just had a seven year old boy with Attachment Disorder arrested for murdering his adopted baby sister, without consulting McCoy.]

McCoy: I hear you're adding a children's wing to Death Row.

McCoy: I could probably get an indictment for manslaughter.

Carmichael: Manslaughter?! They never gave that baby a chance. They faked an identity for her. They never told anyone she needed medical attention.

Schiff: I don't see any intent here to kill this baby.

Carmichael: It's depraved indifference. Murder two. They knew the baby was going to die. They didn't care one way or the other.

Schiff: Assumption. Charge them with Man-one.

Carmichael: We send a message that it's sort of okay to kill a baby? This isn't a couple of teenagers who killed their newborn because they were scared. These are two adults who went to a lot of trouble to dump a dying child and to cover their tracks. I may be the new kid here, but to me this sounds like murder.

Carmichael: I have a solution that will make us all happy.

McCoy: What's that?

Carmichael: No deals for anybody. Let's hang 'em all.

DWB [9.2]

[After the "witness" identifies the suspect from a line-up]

Briscoe: Good old Ray-Ray. The trick was giving him a number he couldn't forget. Three: rhymes with "squeegee".

Carmichael: [looks stunned/horrified]

[After the trial]

McCoy: Your first death sentence! You OK with it?

Carmichael: I only have one thing bothering me. Ray-Ray, the squeegee man? The cops told him which one was Fortelli.

McCoy: I know, I told them to. Perfectly legal. We were never going to use the identification at trial anyway.

Carmichael: Legal or not -

McCoy: Major felonies, Abbie. Welcome to the bigs.

[Fade to black, credits]

Merger [10.4]

Carmichael: The laws for the rich are different.

McCoy: What laws for the rich?

Van Buren: [to Briscoe] You were never a kid?

Green: Old Spice forgot to take his gingko.

Crazy for Love [10.15]

Carmichael: How do you wash it off, Jack?

McCoy: Wish I knew.

[Fade to black, credits]

Stiff [10.23]

Carmichael: What do you call this?

Green: Besides a bunch of crazy, rich white people with too much time on their hands?

Carmichael: [dealing with a defendant who makes wild changes to his story] It's a suicide, it's an accident, it's a breath mint! This guy gives me a headache!

Carmichael: She denied knowing her mom had Parkinson's, she lied about the money, she's 0 for 2 and counting.

McCoy: Getting her paws on that money is a pretty good motive for a murder.

Carmichael: Except it's her step-dad who pulled the trigger. Wow, what a cozy little family this is turning out to be.

McCoy: Once you turn to necrophilia, incest doesn't seem so bad.

Carmichael: Moore must be feeling pretty stupid sitting in Riker's while Debbie is out spending up a storm. He might be in the mood to deal.

McCoy: I'm not. Get a search warrant for her office and home. We find evidence they had an affair, they can both rot.

Schiff: Have you arrested this girl?

Carmichael: Not yet.

Schiff: Are you waiting for an invitation?

Open Season [13.7]

Danielle Melnick: Hello Jack. Okay, let's talk turkey. What are you up to? And don't give me that party line about Preuss being a threat to society.

McCoy: When you argue, I have this compulsive need to argue back.

Southerlyn: What, you think they'll talk to me?

Green: Blonde hair, blue eyes...Hell, if you're lucky, they'll put you in a poster.

Southerlyn: [sarcastically] Gee, thanks.

[after Danielle Melnick has been shot]

Briscoe: Better be careful, Jack. Looks like it's open season on lawyers.

[last lines of the episode]

Unknown episode

Briscoe: You're in luck. It's opera week down at Rikers.

C.O.D. [14.25]

[a parcel deliveryman has been murdered moments after completing a delivery]

Briscoe: When you absolutely, positively have to kill somebody overnight.

Briscoe: [final line before leaving the series] It's nice to go out on a win.

Ain't No Love (15.13)

[Branch has just fired Southerlyn]

Southerlyn: Is this because I'm a lesbian?

Branch: [stunned] No... of course not, no.

Southerlyn: [pause] Good... good.

Tombstone [15.20]

[Detectives Fontana and Green investigate the death of a young lawyer, who may have been killed by someone from the prestigious law firm at which she works.]

[Fontana and Green try to convince Ron Drexler to give them a DNA sample]

Ron Drexler: Is that a threat?

Det. Fontana: A threat? No. A threat would be more like... 'If you stonewall this investigation any more I'm gonna break your jaw. And when you're on the ground, I'm gonna kick you 'till you spit blood you cheap shyster.' That would be a threat. This is more of a request.

[about Nathan Fogg]

ADA Borgia: So mostly he was a good guy?

lawyer: Sure, if you like hypocritical, narcissistic, cold-hearted frauds.

[about Det. Green's shooting]

ADA McCoy: I'm sorry about your partner.

Fontana: Thanks.

McCoy: Are you alright?

Fontana: I'm thinking...just...thinking.

[Jack meets with the defense lawyer after Green has been shot and the main witness killed]

McCoy: Forgive me, Rosalie, if I'm not in a very generous mood.

Rosalie Helton: What do you mean?

McCoy: Peluso's body is still warm, Detective Green is fighting for his life. And you called me in to make a deal.

Helton: Jack, the case goes forward today and I'm afraid the prosecution doesn't have a chance without Peluso. I'm willing to take man one with a possibility for parole.

McCoy:[angrily] I'm not having this conversation.

Helton: I'm just trying-

McCoy:[raises voice] I'm not having this conversation!

[Main cast wait outside Green's hospital room. McCoy talks to Van Buren, then addresses Fontana, who is slouched in chair.]

McCoy: How are you doing?

Fontana: Still thinking. [There is a pause]

McCoy: [Helplessly] Is there anything I can do?

[Walks up to McCoy.]

Fontana: You work your side of the fence, McCoy. I'll work mine.

Publish and Perish [15.21]

[Det. Fontana and temporary partner Det. Falco investigate the murder of a porn star, followed by the death of her killer.]

[The detectives discuss Samantha Savage's body.]

Det. Fontana: Samantha Savage? The porn star?

Det. Falco: Kind of hard to tell with her clothes on.

Fontana: First stage of grieving: the media interview.

[Helen DeVries, an editor, talks to a subordinate ]

DeVries: You've got to stop thinking here [points her head] and start thinking here [points to her abdomen]

[EADA Jack McCoy informs Ms. DeVries she may serve a life sentence for killing Samantha Savage.]

DeVries: Life? Are you retarded?

Locomotion [15.24]

[Someone leaves an SUV on the railroad tracks seconds before the train comes, leading to the death of twelve people and the injury of hundreds. The possible causes range from terrorism to murder to a failed suicide.]

[Interrogating a suspect]

Det. Fontana: It's called motive. M-O-T-I-V-E. MOTIVE.

[speaking emotionally about the crash to ADA Borgia]

Lt. Van Buren: If this case doesn't help to bring back the death penalty to New York state I don't know what will.

Rodney Fallon (defense lawyer): Millions spent on prisons and almost nothing for health insurance...

DA Jack McCoy: I don't make social policy.

Fallon: No. You just have to clean up after those who do.

Corner Office [17.10]

[last lines]

[ADA Rubirosa is upset with EADA McCoy over McCoy's methods to convict a female CEO for second-degree murder]

McCoy: [to Rubirosa] Night.

[After receiving no response, McCoy walks over to Rubirosa]

McCoy: Ask me how I sleep at night.

Rubirosa: [stops packing her briefcase and looks at McCoy] How do you sleep at night?

McCoy: [pause] Like a baby.

[McCoy leaves]

The Family Hour [17.22]

McCoy:I'm no Politician,Arthur

Branch:Yeah.Thats what Everyone Says

Called Home [18.01]

[Detective Lupo returns from abroad when his brother dies under mysterious circumstances.]

Det. Cormack: Hey, there was another hooker rip-off two weeks ago at the McGarrick on 12th. It's almost enough to make a man swear off infidelity.

Green: [to Lupo] Look, man. Don't think I don't know what's going through your head. But you can forget about working on this case, okay?

Rodgers: Serial suicide artist.

Green: Try not to look so excited.

Misbegotten [18.03]

[Detective Lupo has obtained evidence in a way that might be unconstitutional]

Lieutenant Van Buren: Tell me you were tying your shoe when he did that.

Det. Green: I was tying my shoe when he did that.

[A doctor involved in the case was investigating a genetic marker for homosexuality]

DA McCoy: I hear Pandora's box creaking open

McCoy: That's one area where science has been no help- how to keep decent people from making lousy decisions.

Political Animal [18.06]

Victor Vargas: I used to think law was exciting, but politics, campaigning... it's like holding the beating heart of America in your hand.

[Green and Lupo stare]

Vargas: [Grins sheepishly] That must sound pretty terrible.

[ D.A McCoy convinced politician Melanie Carver to wear a wire to gather evidence on her former aide. He later talks to her privately about some things Vargas said during the trial. ]

McCoy: Victor said something about more of the tape. But there was no more on the tape. Did you stop recording?

Melanie Carver:[chuckles quietly] Primary's on Tuesday. Don't forget to vote.

[Screen fades to black. End of episode.]

Tango [18.10]

Connie Rubirosa: [about one of their witnesses] Timmy came off as an opportunistic, criminal piece of crap.

Michael Cutter: He IS an opportunistic, criminal piece of crap.

Betrayal [18.11]

[A woman's alibi witness is her 12 year old daughter, who suddenly changes her story]

Michael Cutter: [to McCoy] I'm going to do something about her alibi witness. You don't want to know.

[Detective Lupo is unhappy with Cutter for browbeating a young witness into testifying against her mother.]

Lupo: Is this some sort of sport to you?

Cutter: [pauses] Stick with your law books, detective. On the page, the law is a much purer thing.

Jack McCoy: [to Dr. Elizabeth Olivet] You're working for the other side now. The gloves will have to come off.

Cutter: 'People v. Fisher.' He smashed his fiance's head in with a hammer. A dozen people saw him do it, he was covered in blood, brain matter... he was acquitted. It wasn't my first case, or my tenth. It happened four years ago. There is no such thing as a slam dunk.

[McCoy gave Cutter information about Olivet that he used to try to discredit her during the trial]:

Dr. Olivet: Not your finest moment, Jack.

McCoy: Nor yours.

Catherine Waxman: I am a rock in a sea of chaos I will not be bullied or broken.. I'm a rock in a sea of chaos...

Excalibur [18.18]

[D.A. McCoy needs to call the state governor as a witness in a case that is likely to destroy the governor's political career]

New York State Governor Shalvoy: Jack, we need to talk. I just got served a subpoena signed by Michael Cutter.

District Attorney Jack McCoy: I know, I told him to do it.

Gov. Shalvoy: You told him?! What the hell were you doing?!

D.A. Jack McCoy: Helping to convict a murderer. You have maybe ten days before this goes public. Now go home to your family, to -

Gov. Shalvoy: My family is none of your business! My personal life is not anybody's business! You worry, Jack. You worry how you're going to get elected without me. It's thanks to me that you have this job in the first place. Nobody wanted you!

D.A. Jack McCoy: I'd rather be an unemployed lawyer than a well-fed pet.

Gov. Shalvoy: [angry] You're a fool. I had high hopes for you.

D.A. Jack McCoy: I had high hopes for you! How could you do this?! To the people who work for you, the people who elected you?! How could you be so reckless with their trust? [hoarse, emotional] I respected you, Donald... respected you.

Rumble [19.01]

[A video found online has been uploaded anonymously, and thus is inadmissable]

Cutter: Did you show me this video just to annoy me? This is our best evidence!

Unknown Season, Unknown Episode

Green is intensly questioning a suspect while Briscoe and the suspects attorney look on

Defense attorney: Detective! (to Briscoe) put a leash on your partner!

Briscoe: We gave up, he chewed through all of ours

Briscoe's Best

I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently, here at Riker's that means that they watch you commit suicide.
New Hampshire. I spent a year there one weekend.
It's like I always say: parking in this city will kill ya. (after finding a body in a parking lot)
I'm trying to decide what to arrest you for: obstruction of justice, harboring a fugitive or just being a general pain in the ass!
[holding handcuffs and talking to someone accused of stealing a telescope and murder] You've heard of the Seven Rings of Saturn? These are the Two Rings of Riker's.
There's no such thing as hooker-client confidentiality.
(To the deceased's wife) Your husband had sexual narcolepsy. He kept falling into bed.
(Spotting a man in a full leg cast) Oh look, John. It's the latest thing in menswear.
If I was kidding I'd be wearing a Fez and no pants.
(Responding to Purgatorio of Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy) Isn't that a strip club?