Moral Orel Quotations

Moral Orel is an animated show on Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" segment, which centers around the life of Orel Puppington, a young boy who consistently fails in his attempts to understand and abide by Protestant Christian values.

1.01 The Lord's Greatest Gift

Orel: Gee, dad, I'm sorry I goofed up. I was just trying to be good, so you could love me more than you do now.

Clay: Oh, Orel. I could never love you more! People only have a certain amount of love in them, and I'm afraid I have to divide mine up between at least a dozen people.

Orel: Oh.

Clay: But remember son, I love you enough.

Orel: I love you enough, too, dad!

Orel: Behave Shapey, we're going to church!

Shapey: Shut up!

1.02 God's Chef

Principal Fakey: "Number one, gold as the sun. Number two, I have to go poo. Number three, set my sperm free." Orel! Were you masturbating?

Reverend Putty: Haven't you heard the handy rhyme? "Number one, gold like God made the sun. Number two, Good Lord help me go poo. Number three, the Devil sets my sperm free."

Orel: No, I never heard the Protestant version, Reverend.

Reverend Putty: Well, it's been bastardized over the years.

Orel: By who?

Reverend Putty: Bastards, Orel. Fatherless bastards.

1.03 Charity

(playing with religious toys; kneeling Jesus, chained Samson, one unidentified one" Orel( engine and gun like gibberish)Ah, look Samson crack, Hooray, mhhh , poor people smoke it, it must be good. I'll say,(Orel voicing Jesus) hey Orel you better try some, its a sin to waste your money.(Orel as himself) Great Idea, I'll smoke the crack.(grabs the pipe and takes a hit)hallelujah ( eyes then dilate) picks up Jesus)(jesus without orel voicing him) "I hope you love it as much as i love you"( orel looks at the doll) Shut up Jesus" (throws Jesus) "Love yay"

1.09 Maturity

Orel: No Shapey

Shapey: Mine!

Bloberta: Orel play nice with your little brother

Orel: Mom he was pointing the B.B. gun right at his eye.

Bloberta: Well you're the older one deal with it. And for goodness sake give him his toy back. The whole neighborhood's going to think I'm a bad mother.

Orel: Sorry mom. Shapey be careful! Don't blow the tigger!

Shapey: Shut Uuuuupp!

Clay: Orel you know the rule. Don't upset your brother until your dad has had his first highball.

Orel: Sorry Dad, but Shapey..!

Clay: Is only seven. You should know better.

Orel: but

Clay: No buts young man. You need to behave more like an adult around here.

Orel: But I'm only twelve.

Clay: That's no excuse, why your own personal hero Jesus was very mature at your age.

Orel: He was?

Clay: Of course! At age twelve he was already proving the Jews wrong.

Orel: Wow...

(Shapey shoots Orel in the eye)

Orel: Owwww!

Clay and Bloberta: Orel!

Clay: Excuse me family, daddy needs to powder his bladder.

Doughy: Gee why are we sneakin' around this tavern Orel?

Orel: Because Doughy I need to observe maturity and I figure there is no more mature place than...

(Gets cut off by two guys stumbling out of the tavern fighting)

Guy 1: Football!

Guy 2: Hockey!

Guy 1: Football!!!

Guy 2: Hockey!!!

Guy 1: Ahh Football!

Guy 2: Hockey!!!

Orel: Oh! Now's our chance!

Doughy: Gosh Principial Fakey is kissing Nurse Blinkless. I don't understand - isn't he married to Mrs. Fakey?

Orel: Don't question your elders, Doughy. Principial Fakey is in his 50's - he must know the best. We just don't understand yet.

Officer Papermount: Don't get me wrong being alone is great. It's just that I don't know what to do with my money.

Bartender: Oh I can think of a few things honey.

Officer Papermount: That's what I'm saying! I'll give you money!

Clay: That kid gets more action than I do.

Bloberta: I'm still weaning him Clay.

Clay: Bloberta, he's seven! He should not be using your milk to wash down his meatloaf which I pay for by working that stinkin' dead end job.

Bloberta: Ha ha, I'm so sick of your complaining! Why don't you just quit your job and quit being such a crybaby?

Clay: Oh thanks for the sympathy. You have never been on my side!

Bloberta: Why would I be on the side of a self destructive alcholic?

Clay: I can't believe I gave you the privilege of satisfying me every night!

(Pours a glass of alcholic beverage)

Orel: Yep, Maturity juice

(Orel opens the door and turns on the light)

Everyone: Surprise!

Orel: Great. Another year.

(Orel turns off the light and closes the door)

Bloberta: Have a good day at school, dear!

Orel: Ehh, have a good day yourself.

Bloberta: Hmm... Now where have I seen that behavior before? Have a good day at work dear!

Clay: Ehh, have a good day yourself.

Clay: I don't know what's gotten into you lately, young man. Our talks just don't seem to be helping.

Orel: But Dad - I thought I was doing what you wanted.

Clay: Why on Earth would I ever want you to take my precious alcholic beverages?

Orel: Because you wanted me to be more adult.

Clay: Orel, drinking on a daily basis is not the only way to be an adult.

Orel: Well I tried not talking about my feelings, too.

Clay: Oh son, behaving like a grown up is many things. First and for most it means doing things that you hate doing.

Orel: Like what, pop?

Clay: Well like dealing with people who make you unhappy, being stressed about things you have no control over, working soul-numbing jobs.

Orel: Ooh

Clay: Then gradually as we endure these hardships and accept them as normal, that's when we finally earned the right to get drunk and be emotionally distant from our families.

Orel: Just like my father. I love you dad.

Clay: I'm hungry too. Let's go eat!

Marks Rivers - The Sad Song

"Right now is the saddest I've ever been... until now."

Sad, sad, sadder than sad,

I'm sadder with each passing moment.

I'm much sadder now than a second ago,

And sadly even sadder now still.

I look back at life twenty seconds ago,

When I first sang of my sorrow.

T'was a happier time that I'm living through now.

Which is bliss compared with what's to follow.

Sad, sad, sadder than sad,

I'm sadder with each passing moment.

I'm much sadder now than a second ago,

And sadly even sadder now still.

Once my heart was filled with gloom and despair,

But those carefree days are over.

A bottomless pit of black, hopeless dread,

Oh, but that's when I was in the clover.

Sad, sad, sadder than sad,

I'm sadder with each passing moment.

I'm much sadder now than a second ago,

And sadly even sadder now still.

I'm sad, sad, sad.

1.10 The Best Christmas Ever

Note: The Pilot episode was also the finale. It was aired first, but is chronologically last.

Orel: Dad isn't Shapey's father!

Bloberta: I know, Orel. I know.

Protesters: Every time you hear a bell, an angel burns in Hell!

2.01 God's Image

Clay: Son, I know it's been hard over the last few months, what with your Mother's unreasonable demands, but I want you to know your Mother and I have agreed to stay together, for appearance's purposes.

Orel: I prayed you would get back together.

Clay: Well, the last thing we want people to think is that we don't care about our children. That's one fact that's none of their business.

2.11 The Lord's Prayer

The Puppington Family are having new neighbours the Posubules for dinner, and they're all saying grace.

Everyone: Our Father, who/which art... [Everyone stops, slightly confused, then resumes] ...Hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our tresspasses/debts... [everyone stops again, more conscious, and then continue cautiously forward] ...as we forgive those who tresspass/our debtors...

Clay: Debtors?!

Mark Posubule: Tresspassers?!

Both: What are you, nuts?! Get out!/Let's go!

Bloberta and Poppet Posubule: Well, you think you know someone!

Mark: Get up, kids! I can't believe you would expose my children to this without my consent?

Clay: Your children? What about my kid, he's only nine!

Orel: I'm twelve.

Clay: You don't even know the meaning of the Lord's Prayer!

Mark: Forgive your debtors!

Clay: Forgive your tresspassers!

Mark: You owe me a bottle of wine!

Clay: Get off my property!

2.13 Be Fruitful and Multiply

Rev. Putty: (praying) Lord, Putty here. Reverend Putty, for what that's worth. I don't know what the deal is with you, but I do and do and do for you, and all I ask is one measly thing in return! Seriously, is a lady really that difficult to conjure up? I mean, you make trees for a living. And I'm saying it could be any lady! Any size, any shape, any colo— I mean, any weight. The point is, I'm not picky. Amen.

Orel: There's just so many ways not to be lonely. There are family, friends, faith... Hey, those are all "F" words. I wonder if there are other ways not to be lonely that also start with "F".

Rev. Putty: (after long pause) Think of any yet?

Orel: Nope.

Rev. Putty: Holy Moley! You are pure pureness in its purest form. It's almost irritating.

Orel: I think that as long as you have at least one of those "F" words in your life, you can't be lonely. For you see, a lot of the problems starts when people get too greedy and want all of the "F" words, and don't appreciate the ones that they have. Then they're just making their live miserable...and who ever heard of somebody actually wanting to make his life miserable. Amen.

Rev. Putty: Let's just cut the reverend stuff, okay?

Stephanie: What would you prefer? Pastor? Minister? Brother? Rod?

Rev. Putty: How about Father?

Stephanie: Sounds a little too Catholic, doesn't it?

Rev. Putty: You're right. Better make it Dad.

2.14 Turn the Other Cheek

Turn the Other Cheek (Original)

You’ve got to turn the other cheek; turn the other cheek.

Show the world how strong you are by simply acting weak.

Inherit all the world someday ‘cuz you will be so meek.

Show them just how meek when you turn the other cheek
Turn the Other Cheek (revised)

You’ve got to make them turn the other cheek; make them turn the other cheek.

Any time anyone makes a fist you punch ‘em in the beak.

It just becomes a reflex ‘cuz there is no time to think.

Stop violence while reap righteous havoc on their cheek.
Then they’ll turn the other cheek; they’ll turn the other cheek.

They’ll learn about the Bible with your whole new violent streak.

The one-two punch that teaches them that they should keep it meek.

They’ll be up Heaven’s Creek when they turn their other cheek.

Clay: (as Orel undoes his pants for a "lesson") Forget it, save it.

Orel: But...aren't you going to teach me a lesson?

Clay: No, I'm not.

Orel: So, what does this mean, you're giving up on me, Dad?

Clay: Orel, a father never gives up on his son, because then he's not really a father; and if I'm not a father, all I really am is a husband, and that's practically worthless.

Orel: Uh-huh.

Clay: Also, you did follow my advice, kiddo, so punishing you would be an admission of wrongness on my part, and believe you me, that ain't gonna happen.

Orel: So why did we even come in here?

Clay: Well, we had to cast what's called a smoke-screen.

Orel: A smoke-screen?

Clay: Yes, it's a valuable tool I use in order to give your mother the illusion that I'm actually doing my job as your father.

Orel: Neat! You're the best, Dad. I love you.

Clay: Sure do. Well, we got about one more minute in here. (Orel and Clay just stand and sit there for just over a minute while the credits roll)

2.09 School Pageant

Intro Song:

Einstein, Darwin, Edison, Alexander Graham Bell

Are all smarty pantses but the chance is they all burn in hell

Yes they're the devil's clientele

So...

Think with your heart put a mortar board on your aorta

Think with your heart and come graduate unto the lord-a

Think with your heart Jesus wouldn't ask for anything lesser

Think only with your heart he's our sweet saviour not our college professor

Think only with your heart

2.12 Nature (Part 1)

Clay has finished spanking Orel

Clay: I hope that's taught you a lesson, son.

Orel: It sure has! I'm never gonna do that, with those, in there, for that long, ever again!

On a Father/Son hunting trip, Clay has been drinking constantly, becoming more drunk as the day progresses, much to Orel's discomfort.

Clay: He-Hey they just keep on comin'!

Orel: W-W-What're you doing!?

Clay: Why, I'm gonna shoot that rabbit of course!

Orel: Dad, that's not a rabbit- it's someone's hunting dog!

Clay: Orel, hunting dogs are just... nature's rabbits. (Shoots the dog)

Later on in the hunting trip..

Clay: (After a large swig of alcohol) You know your problem. Orel? Your cup is always half empty. You need to be more like your old man and look at the blight side of things.

Orel: You mean bright?

Clay: I didn't say bright, I said blight. "My life is sunny and blight". Bright means the opposite, it means sudden withering death, and...(Suddenly despondant)...Oh, who am I kidding? My life is full of bright.

Orel: You mean blight?

Clay: Oh God...

Orel: What's the matter?

Clay: ...I hate myself...

Orel's eyes tear up as Clay looks at the bottle he's holding.

Clay: (Screaming) Why did you quit working on me?! She always fools me, Orel. "I'll make things better dear. Here, put me inside you, I'm great!" And then she chokes me just like every other whore out there! They're all worthless, kid. Every woman. Don't let 'em get ya. All of 'em wanna get ya. They just grab you and pull you into them! And then you're forced to stay in and pull out and stay in and pull out! And then they've got ya by the part where it counts. And then they start squeezing things out! Things that are like weights around your head! You sit there for the rest of your life, with nowhere to go and noone to be!!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!!

Orel, terrifying at this rant, accidentally discharges his gun.

Orel: Dad!

2.19 Nature (Part 2)

Clay: You have done nothing but whine and complain like a lady in a flowery skirt and attractive high heels about my drinking since we got here!

Orel: (Half crying) It's because you become a bad person when you drink!

Orel: "I hate you."

Clay: (utterly flippant) "Hate away, sister. Hate away."

Orel: Mom, why did you marry Dad?

Bloberta: Why? Well, men have to marry women. Otherwise if men married men and women married women, we'd all give birth to nothing but fairysexuals.

Orel: But why did you marry Dad?

Bloberta: Oh, well...why not?

Orel: Well, it's just that, when he drinks, he changes...

Bloberta: Oh, he doesn't change, Orel. That's just his true nature coming out. (Leaves the room)

Orel: Huh. "Nature"...

3.01 Numb

After trying to get Shapey back from the Posabule family, Bloberta has ended up with both Shapey and Block, who bond quickly.

Shapey and Block: Mine!

Shapey: Cake?

Block: Cake!

Shapey: Yummy?

Block: Yummy!

Shapey: Mine?

Both: Mine! [They laugh happilly]

3.02 Grounded

Orel: I'm a Church!

Clay has finished spanking Orel, causing Orel to forget his enlightenment.

Clay: I hope that's taught you a lesson, son.

Orel: It sure has! I'm never gonna do that [Shocking his heart], with those [Defibrillator pads], in there [The Hospital], for that long, ever again!

Dr. Potterswheel is using a defibrillator on Orel and has shocked him for the 9th time

Potterswheel: Is this even on? [licks his finger, and touches a defibrillator pad, which shocks him] Oh, oh, yep, yep, it's ready.

Orel opens his eyes after dying for the thrid time:

Nurse Bendy: : Well, at least his eyes are alive.

During a rapid fire montage during Orel's third near-death experience:

Orel: I don't think I need a building to tell me what to do. (Played Backwards)

3.04 Alone

Miss Censordoll: No, Mother, I am not "Holier-than-thou". But I am Holier than you.

Nurse Bendy: Firstly, we must all pray for grace! Dear Lord in Godland, bless this mess of delicious food and thank you kindly for keeping our joyous family together under this one love-filled roof! We all need people who aren't mean to me or that don't act like they care about doing dirty, awful things to you. [becoming more despondent with each sentence] We need family because they care that I'm a real person who has thoughts of sadness, sometimes, along with happy thoughts or scared or aloneness thoughts. I feel thoughts of emotions and I need people to know that. So, thank you for keeping this family in good... shape. [suddenly cheerful again] The end for now, while we eat, signed, my family. [wipes a tear from her eye] Wow. My eye is really sweating up a storm here.

3.08 Passing

Angela: Only God could explain why you stayed here with me, and your brothers and sisters didn't. It must have been all that praying I did during the pregnancy with you. Do you know I didn't even smoke? Imagine being that preoccupied that you forget to even light up a cigarette every once in a while. My stomach was tied in such knots, and...I was so steeped in all my prayers that I couldn't even force down a highball. I mean, if it wasn't for food, I would've wasted away to nothing; and of course, through everything that was going on through my mind, I never had time to horseback ride or go on a roller coaster. And that trampoline out back, that practically went to waste. With all that lack of exercise, it's a wonder you were ever born at all.

3.09 Closeface

Closeface

There's a blurry girl at the end of my nose

Her name is Closeface

And when she backs away, I don't know where she goes

That crazy Closeface

She's really different, but she's kind of like you

But her eyes are bigger and there's not always two

If it ever was not Closeface, I would be so scared

There's a dirty girl and she whispers to me.

Closeface, where is that Closeface

I don't know how much she weighs, but she's as big as I can see

Closeface, got to be Closeface

I think she thinks that I'm a perfect match

Cause I'm just her type when we are attached

And when she backs away, you are always right there

Orel is trying to find a date to the Arms-Length Dance

Orel: Please, Lord, who should I ask to the dance?

Block enters the room and starts annoying Orel.

Orel: Knock it off Shapey- I mean Block- [Gasps] Christina! She'd be perfect! But, I'm not supposed to like her, because she's different. Unless, you don't mind, Lord? Please give me a sign, would you mind if I asked her?

Block: No!

Orel: Wow! Of all the things he could have said!

Putty: Hiya, kiddo.

Stephanie: Dad! Hey. Shouldn't you be in there thwarting sexual encounters?

Putty: Nah, I'm tired of being that guy.

Stephanie: Good. I wouldn't want you to do to Orel what you did to us.

Putty: Us? Us who?

Stephanie: You know, me and my date, all those years ago?

Putty: Well, I don't remember. It musn't have been anything too shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Stephanie: Sounds like you got a leak there, Reverend.

Putty: You!

Stephanie: Ah, you remember! Well don't worry, nothing came of it. I just hope Orel has better luck with love than I do.

Putty: Are you kidding? You can't compare you and her to Orel and his little Orellette.

Stephanie: Why, because we're two girls, and Tolerance is only a pretend theme?

Putty: No. Because she didn't care for you.

Stephanie: ...wow. You remember it better than I do.

Putty: Yeah, I remember. When you've had my track record with love that stuff hits you like a ton of bricks. But, if you keep playing that song, we might both get lucky.

3.11 Sacrifice

Clay: Well well well, Dr. Quentin Xavier Potterswheel!

Potterswheel: Clay.

Clay: Hey Doc, we were just talking about ex-wives.

Potterswheel: Uh, I'm a widower.

Clay: Oh right, right. Must be nice to lose a wife to sickness and death instead of her just plain ol' getting sick of you.

Potterswheel: No... Not so nice, especially when you're a doctor.

Clay: She just loved those painkillers! Probably didn't even realize she was infected, right Doc?

Potterswheel: She was... quite comfortable when she passed.

Clay: "Numb", some call it! Now, me and Jesus, we like to feel the pain. Tell me, doc. Did some of those painkillers protect her against you?

Potterswheel: What does that mean?

Clay: You know. The pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. With that face. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate- those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen. Why even wipe? And when you finally get one of these-- hum-buh-da-daa!-- coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it! But to hoard it. To keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory! And you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough! That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all. And that you never acknowledged his existence because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were-- weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. That you love. And the only true justice was to let those dominant jackals feed on you. Survive off you.

Shapey: Mommy?

Bloberta: Not now, Shapey. No milk.

Shapey: When I'm thirsty, it feels how I feel when I'm alone.

3.12 Nesting

Orel is helping Miss Censordall campaign against Clay for Mayor.

Clay: [Angry] Orel...

Orel: [Indifferent] I know, meet you in your study.

Orel continues to give out fliers. Later, Orel is standing stoicly in Clay's study.

Clay: [Awkward] So, uh...how are...things...Orel?

Orel: I think we should get right to the lecture and punishment because I have a lot to do.

Clay: Woah! Mister Busy!

Orel: You had six months to talk.

Clay: [Angry] The last six months were not filled with you helping a mad woman campaign against me and my job!

Orel: You don't even like your job.

Clay: Like? Like? No-one likes their job! Have you ever listened to anything I've ever said in here? Did all these dead animal heads absorb my words before they reached your delicate little ears?

Orel: Can I go now?

Clay: You know that thing you do with your hands and mouth and throat and stomach? That thing called "eating"? Well say goodbye to that thing forever if I lose my position in this town because of you!

Orel: I will.

Clay: Okay! ...you can go.

Clay: Reverend Moderator, citizens of Moralton, friends, I have been criticized quite intensely for the outlawing of our little gooey breakfast buddies. I have been called a calloused hunter by my esteemed opponent. Does hunting and death really pose such a horrible threat to this town? Death, dear friends, is the best thing ever! Death is the beginning of our everlasting life. The only eggs I smash are the eggs of filth, the inhuman eggs that squeeze with vile evil, through the tantalizingly moist passage of feminine foul temptation, [is now becoming more and more lustful] protruding from our mother, bit by bit, with wrongful, erotic succulence. Completely enveloped by that soiled, evil, maternal opening.

3.13 Honor

Orel: [seeing picture of Clay and Daniel] Coach, you like my dad the way my mom likes my dad, don't you?

Daniel: Your mom likes your dad?

Orel: It's no use. You can't show me what there is to honor my father about 'cause there's nothing honorable about him.

Daniel: Orel, somehow in his own blundering way, your father made you, and that's honorable.

Clay: (to Shapey and Block singing "Silent Night") Can it!

Putty: Today's Christmas sermon is about family. What is family? Well, a lot of times, family is just a bunch of people who are forced to be together just because they came out of each other, but every so often...a miracle happens. A loving family, just like that—out of nowhere. Now, what causes this? A belief in God, a strong moral structure, blind luck? Who knows? Who cares? Ah, you're not gonna get any answers out of me. I'm just a puppet for the Big Guy. I don't write this stuff. The end. I mean, Amen. Nah, who am I kidding? The end.

Lost Commandments

11 Thou shalt be ashamed of thy natural anatomy.

12 Thou shalt only have sex face-to-face, man on top.

13 Thou shalt not bastardize the American language.

14 Thou shalt always clean thy plate and not waste anything, whether thy stomach is full or not.

18 Thou shalt be loyal to all thy friends at the same time.

19 Thou shall not masturbate.

21 Get it right!

29 Everything's fine.

38 Thou shalt never hold a gun without anyone to shoot at.

63 Thou shalt never forget thy loaded a gun when thou has an innocent child in the house.