Directed by Joel Gallen. Written by Mike Bender, Adam Jay Epstein, Andrew Jacobson, Phil Beauman, and Buddy Johnson.

Austin

• No man, maybe I'll hang around. Maybe tell Janey a little S-E-C-R-A-T...P.
• Looks like little Miss "run-home-to-my-daddy" ran home to her daddy.
• Okay, Jakey, Jakey...about to make a big...mistakey.
• I got two words for you, Jake: Prom queen... material.
• Let's make like a tree and... branch out of here...

Malik

• Sure, why not? I am the token black guy. I'm just supposed to smile and stay out of the conversation and say things like: "Damn," "Shit," and "That is wack."
• Damn, that shit is wack.
• I'm only in this song because I'm a black guy!

Priscilla

• You put the "ass" in "embarrassment" You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism".

Other

• Albino Hippie: I have no pigment; I need sunscreen, No way I can be prom queen.
• Amanda: Do you think I sleep with every pathetic guy who writes me a letter? No. I give them hand jobs.
• Airport Intercom: Attention please, all 1987 red Porsche 944's parked on the white zone will be towed immediately.

Dialogue

Catherine: I want you.

Jake: But, you're my sister.

Catherine: Only by blood.

Jake: [shoves Catherine off] What is wrong with this family?!

Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh…I might be late to pick you guys up.

Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?

Mr. Briggs: No, honey, I'll probably just be wa-a-a-ay too drunk.

Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.

Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.

Janey: Okay, bye, daddy.

Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.

[Jake tries to serenade Janey Briggs at the football field to the tune of Aerosmith's Janey's Got A Gun]

Jake: Janey's got a gun. Janey Briggs got a gun..

Art student: [points to Janey] She's got a gun! [rest of class scatters]

Priscilla: I need some T-to-the-fourth-power-y.

Jake: What?

Priscilla: Some time to talk to you.

Janey: I have this dream of one day...just...hopping on a plane and going to Paris. There's an art school there...but I can't afford it. Unless there's some way of raising $26,000 before the admissions cutoff.

Jake: Oh my God, Janey, do you realize that my parents give a scholarship to a girl who can't get into art school every year?

Janey: [turns around, expectantly] Really? That's amazing!

Jake: Yeah! This year we gave it to Lupe Rodriguez, the Mexican fingerpainter. I think you'd really like her work.

Black Rival Cheerleader: We saw you at our game and we know you stole our routine!

Priscilla: Okay, I don't know what you're talking about. We've always done our own cheers! (to squad) Right, girls?

Squad: That's right!

Black Rival Cheerleader: Then you better bring it.

Priscilla: Oh, it's already been broughten.

[later at the cheerleading]

Cheerleaders: We are! The North Comptonn Wildcats! We're black! We know it! We shake our big booties and show it! We ain't white! We ain't white! We definitely ain't white! Break it down niggas'! Cheerleaders start booty dancing

Sports Announcer: Damn! Those bitches represent!

Taglines

• They served you Breakfast. They gave you Pie. Now we're gonna stuff your face.

Cast

• Chris Evans — Jake Wyler
• Chyler Leigh — Janey Briggs
• Eric Christian Olsen — Austin
• Eric Jungmann — Ricky Lippman
• Deon Richmond — Malik
• Jaime Pressly — Priscilla
• Mia Kirshner — Catherine Wyler
• Ron Lester — Reggie Ray