Evil King Stan

• "Don't get fresh with me, suckling! Do you know who you're talking to?!"
• (To a villager) "The dark raging fire that is my unyielding evil freezes his soul."
• (To Rosalyn) "Atta girl, fat legs! Attracting suspicious old men!"
• "These villagers here, they conspire to infuriate me!"
• "What is she going to do, providing dreams to humans? Why isn't she providing despair and pushing humans off into the black abyss? Hmmmm. Looks like she needs more coaching. Heh, heh, heh. You, slave. Go to Linda. I will train her so hot... I mean, so hard!"
• "This looks evil. Really evil. So evil I'm jealous. I should be like this."
• (To a child of Tenel) "Gaze into my horrifying visage and fear it! Cry! Pee your pants!"
• (To Annie) "Shut up! I said I'd cure you! I didn't say I wouldn't turn your shadow pink!"
• "I am a purely evil, evil King. Let my malevolence and sheer badness awe and terrify you!"
• "Yes, I have waited for three hundred years in a bottle due to some deplorable error..."
• (To Kisling and Rosalyn) "Hey! Professor Crackpot and Bat Woman!"

Rosalyn

• (Mocking Stan) "I'm Stan! I'm so evil! I'm sooo supreme! When I appear, the heavens quake with fear!"
• "Oh, where the hell is he, that darn creep..."
• "Pink, you know, pink! And not even a tasteful pink, but a fluorescent pink!"
• (To Stan) "Co-dependent much?"
• (To Stan) "Just because a pretty girl uncorked your bottle doesn't mean you need to cheerfully come out!"
• (To Stan) "Y'know, you should just stop, because I'm starting to feel embarrassed for you."
• (To Stan) "See, you wanted to step on it from the beginning. Denial is dorky."

Kisling

• "Well, according to me, who possesses a linguistic sense as precious as true love or really good lasagne..."
• "Brilliant! Using the threat of social stigma! A subtle but potent attack. Stan never would have thought of it."
• (Talking about an evil machine in the sewers) "It makes the butt kicking powers of the one who stands on it, even more crankin'!"

Marlene

• (To Julia) "There, there country girl. Cool down your temper. Would you like a cow?"
• "How boring, to go gently about facing evil!"
• "You who aspire to be a sophisticated villain with your housewife lies!"
• "As long as I am princess, I will not tolerate the existence of such tacky evil!"
• "Servant Ari. Prepare a cup of tea."

Linda

• "It's okay. Linda is sad, but easily distracted."
• "I dunno. I'm still cute, though."
• (Talking about a door) "Thinking's hard. Let's just kill it!"
• "Everyone's all brainwashed and happy!"

Epros

• "Um...yes, that was thrilling. Shall we then? Onto the killing..."
• "Permit my hazard into your plight. Once life sucked, now 'tis alright?"
• "Ah at last you arrive! Everything is as was contrived. Pray mercy that at my hand thou dost survive..."

Big Bull

• (To Rosalyn) "Hey sister, where's boss?"
• (About Epros/Phantom Evil King) "He should be smashing and pounding people! Not being all floaty. That's not power!"

Other

• "I'm starving. Can we eat?" - Ari (after Rosalyn threatens to kill him to get revenge on Stan)
• "Uh huh, uh huh. That's right, honey." - Grandmother
• "Ancient people used rocks to clip their toe-nails." - Ari's father