Penn & Teller Quotations

Penn & Teller are a two-man magic and comedy team, Penn Fraser Jillette (born 5 March 1955) and Teller (born Raymond Joseph Teller, 14 February 1948). All the quotes from the duo come from Penn, except where noted, as Teller is famously silent.

Sourced

The idea of mind-altering substances gives me the willies. Fill your tank with nitro, the car goes fast, sure, but not far.
- Teller in Pete Moss interview (21 March 2001)

This I believe: I believe there is no god.
- Penn Jillette in "This I Believe", Morning Edition. NPR. WVGR, Grand Rapids. 21 November 2005 (NPR : There is no God)

Teller: Will you shut up!
Homer Simpson: Hey, I thought you didn't talk.
Teller: [nervously] Uh, I didn't mean to... it just slipped out. Oh god, now Penn's gonna beat me...I'm not the first Teller.
- The Simpsons, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

Unsourced

Doing stuff like Van Praagh and Kreskin is like taking a shotgun and going into a mall, and discharging it in people's faces and stealing twenty bucks from each one of them.

Teller talks. Just not to you.

It's a goddamn potato! It's A POTATO!
- Penn on Criss Angel Mindfreak, as the finale for the "Cups and Balls" illusion