2002

• Kestrel: Nothing says love like a monkey. It's a fuzzy screeching bundle of tenderness.

08/19/2002, Kinky Anniversary Pt. 1

• Kestrel: I need you to remove my uterus, and thus guarantee that I do not produce any hellspawn.

12/19/2002, Emergency Contraception

2003

• Felix: Honey! Honey! We've got cable in the bathroom now!

01/03/2003, Boys and their Toys

• Seamus: Do you go out of your way to make people feel inadequate, or am I just special that way?

03/20/2003, Not A D-word Pt. 2

• Kestrel: Hang on a second, I need to make my eyes revert to normal. Also to do the happy squirmy puppy dance.

04/02/2003, It's Sorta Like the Booty Dance

• Shannon: It's like I'm in a Greenpeace sponsored bukkake tree porn flick, and I'm the chick tied helplessly to the chair in the center of the room being hosed down with tree semen.

05/28/2003, Tissue Sample?

• Kestrel: I firmly believe all animals should be named after sound effects.

10/06/2003, Zot

2004

• Davan: I'm just wondering how I got pegged as the insane one.

05/12/2004

• Davan: ...do you have any moods other than 'whiny' or 'bitch'?

Kestrel: Sometimes I get crazy and combine them.

07/07/2004

• Shannon: Near-death experiences leave one with little patience for the petty day-to-day bullshit that people feed each other.

09/01/2004

• Kestrel: ...soooo the contents of my uterus are inversely proportional to my sanity. Good to know.

10/22/2004

2005

• Kestrel: I'm glad the lessons at Lady Weatherby's Charm School of Shut the Fuck Up are paying off.

01/26/2005

• Apple Store Employee: Everyone comes to the Apple side eventually.

02/18/2005

• Kestrel: Try not to take the world too seriously, because sooner or later you're going to end up its punchline.

02/23/2005