Unsourced

• You can pretend to be serious but you can't pretend to be funny.

• He is a cuckold; that's why I cheated on him.

• A woman who runs off with her lover does not abandon her husband; she rids him of an unfaithful wife.

• When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

• If women were good, God would have one.

• The little I know, I owe it to my ignorance.

• When you listen to Mozart, the silence that follows is still Mozart.

• Women... Women are lovely, but dogs are so much more loyal.

• Women speak until they have something to say.

• If women knew how much we missed them, they would leave sooner.

• A woman who runs off with her lover is not abandonning her husband: she is sparing him a disloyal wife.

• I shall then live alone... and I already wonder with whom.

• His death made him famous, he can come back now.

• You're not rich because you have money, but because you spend it.

• I am in favor of preserving the French habit of kissing ladies’ hands – after all, one must start somewhere.

• He does not seem intelligent enough to be crazy.

• The better I know men... the more I like dogs!

• A murderer is a robber who got interrupted.