School of Rock Quotations

School of Rock is a comedy film starring Jack Black. When Dewey Finn (Black) is kicked out of his rock band, he poses as his roomate Ned Schneebly and takes a substitute teaching job at Horace Green Elementary. While teaching there, he secretly turns his class into a rock band in time for the Battle of the Bands.

Written by Mike White. Directed by Richard Linklater.

Take notes.

Dewey Finn

(Ned has suggested he sells one of his guitars instead of getting a job) What!? Would you tell Picasso to sell one of his guitars?!

Dude, I service society by rocking. I’m out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rocking ain’t no walk in the park, lady.

(Dewey is watching the clock, waiting for the end of the day) Yes! We did it! Gimme some of that, yeah, that's it. I will see you cats on the flip-flop later!

I don’t wanna hang out with a bunch of wannabe corporate sellouts. I’m gonna form my own band and we’re gonna start a revolution, OK? And you’re gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass.

You know what, Miss Dumb-bum ain't your teacher anymore, I AM IN CHARGE!

Oh, you wanna learn something? [Summer: Yes, I do.] You want me to teach you something? [most of the students nod] Here's a useful lesson for you: give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can't win. Sure, you can try. [really getting angry] But in the end you're just gonna lose BIG TIME. Because THE WORLD is run by the Man. [Frankie: Who?] The Man. Oh, you don't the Man? [class shakes their heads] The Man is everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, MRS. MULLINS, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock ‘n’ roll. But guess what. Oh, no. The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome, because The Man’s just going to call you a fat, washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just give up!

We will continue our lecture on the Man when we return. Have a good music class.

Let’s get rocking!

Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym. (Variation of George Bernard Shaw quote)

The School of Rock. And we shall teach rock ‘n’ roll to the world.

Uh oh, you know what? Miss Lemmons must be on crack, right kids?

Now you played hard in here, people, and I am proud of every last stinking one of you. So let's just give this everything we got. We may fall on our faces, but if we do, we will fall with dignity! With a guitar in our hands, and rock in our hearts! And in the words of AC/DC: "We roll tonight to the guitar bite, and for those about to rock, I salute you."

[After looking at the poster of demerits] What kind of a sick school is this?

Your children have touched me and I'm pretty sure I've touched them too.

I heard you in music class. You guys can really play. [angrily] Why didn't anyone tell me?!

Dialogue

Dewey: [to the class on his first day] Alright, look, here’s the deal. I’ve got a hangover. Who knows what that means?

Frankie: It means you’re drunk.

Dewey: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.

Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.

Dewey: Wrong.

Freddy: You wouldn't come to work drunk unless you were alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!

Dewey: Mm, hmmm. What's your name?

Freddy: Freddy Jones.

Dewey: Mm, Freddy Jones-- SHUT UP.

[Frankie snickers.]

Freddy: [whispering] Shut up.

Dewey: Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off, but not you guys, because you're not normal, you're special. And because I think you guys have the right attitude, I think it's time we started our new class project.

Lawrence: A science project?

Dewey: No. It's called..."Rock Band".

Marta: Is this a school project?

Dewey: Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head [points to his head], and your mind [points to his jaw], and your brain too [points to his forehead].

Summer: Will other schools be competing?

Dewey: You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.

Billy: What's the prize?

Dewey: A win will go on your permanent record. Hello, Harvard U.

Freddy: What are we gonna play?

Dewey: Uh, you don't have to worry about that. We have awesome material, which I wrote.

Zack: Let's hear it.

Dewey: What?

Zack: Let's hear your song.

Dewey: I'll play you my song, if you wanna hear it. Thing is, I just want you to keep in mind that...I wrote it in like, 15 minutes, and uh, it's not done yet, and you might not like it-

Freddy: Just play the song, Schneebly!

Dewey: Okay! I will sing it for you, just, uh, let me get in the zone, I wasn't planning on unveling it, but I will sing it...(performs vocal excercise)Okay, it starts off a dark stage and then a beam of light and then you can see me and guitar...(imitating his guitar) dew-neew-dew-neew..."in the end of time, there was a man who knew the road,and the writing was written on the stone", and then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles, roadies, that means dry ice, we're gonna go over this this later "in the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no-one seemed to understand..." Chimes! Freddy! "in his heart he knew, the artist must be true, and the legend of the rent was way past due!" and Katie, you come in with the bass! (imitating the bass) Rim-bim-bim-bim-bim-beru-beru-bum-bara-bara-bara-bum-bum-bum "well you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think that you can kick me out of the band?" And then Zack, you come in with a face-melter (imitates the guitar) weew-new-didli-new-didli-new-didli-new,ok? "Well there's just one problem there, the band is MINE! How can you kick me out(high pitched)of what is mine?" And then, you ever see that show, "Hawaii Five-O", yeah? Well there's a drum solo in it, it goes shugadugadugaduga "You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore" And then, that's where I want the backup singers to be all like, "No, you're not hardcore (high pitched) No you're not hardcore! (reverts to normal singing voice) unless you live hardcore (imitating backup singers) unless you live hardcore! (back to his own voice) but the legend of the rent, was way hardcore! BOOM! Big old explosion, some, like, confetti or something comes down. Anyways, that's all I got so far, it's a work in progress.

Summer: You want me to be a groupie?

Dewey: Well, groupie is an important job.

Summer: I researched groupies on the Internet. They're sluts! They sleep with the band!

Dewey: No, that's not true! They're like cheerleaders.

Summer: I don't want to be a cheerleader. Look, my mom is a room parent, and she's not gonne be happy when she hears about this.

Dewey: Summer, I didn't want to tell you this in front of the class, but I made a special position just for you: Band manager.

Summer: Band manager? What's that?

Dewey: Look, the first thing you do when you start a rock band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band to be. So who do you like? Blondie?

Marta: Christina Aguilera.

Dewey: Who? No! Come on. What? You, Shortstop.

Leonard: Puff Daddy.

Dewey: Wrong. Billy?

Billy: Liza Minnelli?

Dewey: What are you...? You guys! This project is called "Rock Band". I'm talking about bands that rock. Led Zeppelin. [the class gives him blank stares] Don't tell me you guys have never got the Led out. Jimmy Page, Robert Plant? Ring any bells? What about Sabbath?...AC/DC?...Motörhead? Oh, what do they teach in this place?!

Freddy: Um, are we going to be goofing off like this every day?

Dewey: Uh, we're not goofing off, we're creating musical fusion.

Freddy: Well, are we going to be creating musical fusion every day?

Dewey: Yeah, get used to it.

[Freddy smiles.]

Dewey: Now what makes you mad more than anything in the world? Billy?

Billy: You.

Dewey: Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.

Billy: You're tacky and I hate you.

Dewey: OK, you see me after class.

Dewey: [singing] Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your 'ath, let's do some math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minus four is...

Summer: Negative one.

Dewey: [singing] That's riiiiight. And six times a billion is...

Marco: Six billion?

Dewey: [singing] Nailed it! And 54 is 45 more than...What is the answer Marta?

Marta: Nine.

Dewey: [singing] No it's eight.

Marta: [singing] No, it's nine.

Dewey: [singing] ...Yes, I was just testing you, it's nine. And that's a magic number.

Ned: Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.

Dewey: What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?

Patty: Oh my God, he's an idiot!

Gabe: We were just discussing testing. Which test do you find most effective, the TASS or the Wilson-Binet?

Dewey: I say no testing , and I will tell you why, Joe.

Gabe: Gabe.

Dewey: Gabe. I believe... That the children are the future. Now listen, you can teach them well, but buddy, you have got to let them lead the way. And let the children's laughter...just remind us of how we used to be. That's what I decided long ago.

Bob: Isn't that a song?

Dewey: No, uh, I don't think so. No, no it isn't.

Bob: Are you sure?

Dewey: No, uh, I don't think so. It's not.

Dewey: I totally screwed up. I told the kids that if they practiced, they'd get into the Battle of the Bands.

Coordinator: What'd you tell them that for?

Dewey: I don't know, I just...I wanted to give them something to look forward to, to keep their spirits up. Look at them. [he and the Coordinator look at the kids, who are faking sick] They're terminal. Every last one of them. And all they wanted to do before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.

Coordinator: What do they all have?

Dewey: It’s a...rare blood disease. "Stick-it-to-da-man-neosis."

Coordinator: What's that? I've never heard of it.

Dewey: You're lucky. Because it's hell.

Mullins: In your experience, how does Horace Green compare to the other schools that you’ve taught at?

Dewey: Oh, your school is the best.

Mullins: You're just saying that.

Dewey: I'm not. Do you know that kids at other schools just have fun all the time? They're running around. There's no discipline. They're happy. It's anarchy. This is the best school I have ever teached at. I swear.

[Dewey's lounging at his desk.]

Michelle: Are you going to teach us anything? Or are we just going to sit here?

Dewey: [mumbles] Just do whatever you want.

Summer: I want to learn from my teacher.

Dewey: [loudly] Besides that! Freddy, what do you like to do?

Freddy: [drawing flames on the nametag on his desk] I dunno...burn stuff?

(Before the Battle of the Bands audition, Tomika is nervous)

Tomika: Mr. S, I don't feel well. I think I'm sick.

Dewey: Oh, no! Well, you can still sing, right?

Tomika: I don't know. My stomach hurts. Just have Marta and Alicia sing backup. They can do it.

(Dewey takes her off to the side)

Dewey: Yeah, they can do it, but not like you. Now, come on. What's really wrong?

Tomika: They're gonna laugh at me.

Dewey: Wha-come on! You've got a great voice! Why would they laugh at you?

Tomika: I dunno...'Cause I'm fat?

Dewey: Oh, no. No, no, no! Come on, Tomika, they don't care if you're big! Hey, look at Aretha, right? She's a big lady-but when she starts singing, she blows people's minds! They just wanna get onstage and party with Aretha! They don't care that she's big!

(Leans in to whisper, telling her a secret)

Dewey: And you wanna know who else has a little bit of a weight problem?

Tomika: Who?

(Pause)

Dewey: Me. But when I start rockin', people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby.

Tomika: So why don't you just go on a diet?

Dewey: Uh...because I like to eat. Is that a crime?

(Summer's plan to lie to the judges about a fatal disease has gotten the kids into the Battle of the Bands.)

Dewey: Summer, you get an A+ and fifty gold stars!

Summer: [smiles] I didn't do it for the grade.

[The entire class is depressed after learning the truth about Dewey and the Battle of the Bands.]

Freddy: (to class) I don't know what you're whinin' about. We had three weeks vacation! Yeah, it was a waste of time, but it was a whole lot better than school.

Lawrence: It was not a waste of time!

Freddy: I hate to break it to you bro', but yeah, it was.

Lawrence: (angrily) You're an idiot.

Freddy: Hey, shut up!

Lawrence: No, you shut up!

(Freddy gets up to attack him)

Tomika: (Standing up in Lawrence's defense) Hey, touch him and I'll shove those sticks down your throat!

[Freddy retreats.]

Tomika: [to class] Mr. S. was cool. And we worked too long and hard on this project to not star in the show!

Freddy: (slowly) OK...but what do we do?

Alicia: [deadpan] I say we just get out of here and play the damn show.