2001

• Aubrey: Embrace the power of the labia, PeeJee! Embrace it!

12/21/2001, Snow Sculptures

• PeeJee: Well, I thought, "Who among my friends would want a candy cane-shaped, eggnog scented strap on?" Then I thought, "Who deserves it?"

12/25/2001, Christmas

• Davan: You know, for a lesbian, you seem to suck a whole mess o' dick.

12/31/2001, The Reluctant Lesbian pt 1

2002

• PeeJee: Chemo kitties need extra love!

01/14/2002, Jhim's Kitty pt 1

• Aubrey: I could menstruate a better cup of coffee than this!

01/28/2002, Coffee Crimes

• PeeJee: You're like a Columbine kid who was too lazy to do anything.

04/03/2002, Dress Codes

• Kim: Nothing is as sexy as the look on a man's face as he slips into an unplanned slumber.

04/11/2002, Les Chicas Del S*P...FIGHT! pt 4

• Davan: I try not to think. It's not really a hallmark of my generation.

09/26/2002, Old Faces, Uneasy Places pt 2

2003

• Aubrey: So I made some pork chops and rented "Babe."

05/05/2003, Heaven and Hell

• Jason: Heresy is sexy, Aubrey. Cancer isn't!

05/17/2003, A Scar is Born pt 2

• Jason: I bukkake for justice!

06/06/2003, Up, Up and Away pt 5

• PeeJee: I'm sorry. Is our date interrupting your conversation with my boobs?

06/16/2003, PeeJee Restarts pt 2

• Aubrey: If a guy tells me I can't possibly stick a crazy straw all the way up his smallest orifice, that's a challenge I'm honor-bound to accept!

10/27/2003, Positively Scandalous pt 1

2004

• Aubrey: I'm going to find religion just so I can pray against each of you.

01/09/2004, Confection Affection

• Aubrey: If masturbating was s'posed to be cute, pink bunnies would do it in meadows and they'd ejaculate rainbows and flower petals.

01/12/2004, Screams in Pastel

• Davan: Why reach to the sky to touch a star when you can scoop one out of the gutter?

04/19/2004, Confessions of an Unused Mind pt 2

• Lisa: For future reference, when a woman says she wants your honest opinion, she really doesn't.

5/28/2004, Rings pt 1

• Davan: The way I see it, there's so much love and beauty in the world, and someone has to balance that shit out.

10/09/2004, Class of Ninety-Bore pt 4

2005

• Aubrey: Oh, good. More snow. Nature's bukkake.

02/10/2005, I am Providence pt 5

• Andy: Well, as long as you promise we're only lynching them for science.

03/09/2005, Rage Science

• Davan: I'm just saying I've never heard of a SIDS baby growing up to be a murderer or a rapist. Draw your own conclusions, my friend.

04/03/2005, The Downside of SIDS pt 1

• Cab: It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.

08/09/2005, In Memory pt 2

2006

• Nancy: Elize, I need your help. I'm worried this chloroform has gone bad but my nose is stuffed up. Could you smell it and tell me what you think?

01/30/2006, Zot pt 2

• Davan: This is one of those situations where "I don't care" is the right answer, but not the right answer, isn't it?

05/22/2006, Alpha

• Milholland's commentary: On one shoulder is an angel saying, "do it." On the other shoulder is a devil saying, "do it now."

06/29/2006, Fatherly Laments

2007

• Davan: Well, y'know, true friendship is a lot like a cervical punch.

01/03/2007, Old Familiar Faces V pt 1

• Mike: ...a wise man once said that being in love means never having to say, "I'm sorry."

Tamara: A wise woman once said being in a committed relationship means a man never will.

03/05/2007, Investing in Tomorrow pt 2

• Milholland's Commentary: If you don't get the joke, you're probably the punchline.

08/28/2007, Words Can Hurt

• Morganna: So...should we skip straight to finding an empty room to have sex in then?

09/07/2007, Scheduling Conflicts

• Milholland's Commentary: Someone, somewhere, is dressing up like your favorite childhood cartoon character and having sex.

11/08/2007, ...ho?

2008

• Kharisma: Thank God I was taught fat people don't have emotions.

01/24/2008, A First Meeting pt 4

• Nancy: Oh, baby...talk some more stupid for me. It makes me so hot...

03/28/2008, Customer Serviced pt 5

• PeeJee: What is it with Texas and the child raping cults?!

04/16/2008, Texas Cults

• Milholland's Commentary: Everything sounds dirtier when preceded by "For a good time..."

04/25/2008, Fishing

• Davan: You're only offended because liberal society says you're supposed to think "child rape" jokes are wrong.

11/10/2008, Day One pt 2

2009

• Fast Food Customer: I'm the customer and I'm white! That makes me twice as right! Se habla customer service, jerk?!

03/02/2009, Life According to S*P pt 2

• Rory: If I get this cool stuff now I bet the stuff you give me when you die is gonna be great!

06/17/2009, Childish Things

• Monette: I've never wanted to be a magician's hat so badly in my life.

07/02/2009, The Right Things to Say

• PeeJee: Damn it! Why am I arguing shit on the web again?

Davan: 'Cuz sometimes you just need a cumshot of stupid to the face?

07/10/2009, Idle Brains are the Internet's Playthings

• Vanessa: Expect foreplay full of fumbling and awkward apologies.

07/29/2009, Innuendo