Steel Magnolia Quotes

"M'Lynn, your husband is the boil on the butt of humanity." Ouiser to M'Lynn

"Annelle, honey, what do you say we talk some trash" - Truvy to Annelle

"Don't you decorate your sisters car with condoms, it's tacky" - M'Lynn to the boys

"Drink the juice Shelby, drink the juice" - M'Lynn to Shelby

"I heard you got so screwed you cut your dog out of your will and had an ungrateful nephew put to sleep" - Drum to Ouiser

"I'm a beautician!" - Annelle..."Ah, ah, glamour techician" - Truvy

"It's got gray icing, I can't even begin to think how you'd make gray icing" - M'Lynn about the red-velvet armadillo grooms cake

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" - Truvy

"There is no such thing as natural beauty" - Truvy to Annelle

"There's so much static electricity in this room....I pick up everything but boys and money" - Truvy to Annelle

"This is the 80's....if you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past" - Truvy to Clairee

"This is going in the Hairdo Hall of Fame" - Truvy about Shelby's hair

"What are your colors Shelby? - Truvy ... "Her colors are pink and pink" - M'Lynn ... "My colors are blush and bashful...I have chosen two shades of pink, one is much deeper than the other" -Shelby ... "That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto Bismol" - M'Lynn

" You can't mess up her hair...you just tease it and make it look like a brown football helmet" - Shelby to Annelle about M'Lynn's hair

"When it comes to suffering, she is right up there with Elizabeth Taylor." - Truvy to Anelle about Ruth Robeleine.

"That Jackson is one big hangin' man" - Nancy Beth.... "Yes, I know..." - Shelby

Retrieved from "http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/SteelMagnolias"

"I want to hit something! I want to hit something hard!" - M'Lynn

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.

Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?

Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.

Truvy: Was she hurt?

Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin' across your face.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: I am just about at the end of my rope with you.

Drum: Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it 'round your head?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past.

Clairee: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past.

Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, M'Lynn, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drum: Ouiser, can we call a truce long enough for me to get a piece of cake?

[Ouiser slices him the tail piece of an armadillo cake]

Drum: Aww, thanks Ouiser. Nothin' like a good piece of ass.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: I think we should pray.

Sammy: I'd rather eat dirt!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire?

Sammy: Beer.

Annelle: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine.

[dumps the beer out in the yard]

Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake!

Annelle: Who? Who did you say?

Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ!

Annelle: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain?

Sammy: That's the one.

Annelle: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter.

Sammy: Oh, Annelle, goddammit!

Annelle: I think we should pray.

Sammy: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[about the new mayor's wife dancing]

Clairee Belcher: Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shelby: Well, we went skinny dipping and we did things that frightened the fish.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shelby: Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much.

Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shelby: I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: I'm just screamin' at my husband; I can do that any time!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: They were both high. They'd been smokin' everything but their shoes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not as sweet as I used to be.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: I love ya more than my luggage.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are a pig from hell.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: [quietly] That wasn't a very Christian thing to do.

Clairee: Oh Annelle, lighten up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: Clairee, you are too twisted for color TV!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, I've just been a very bad mood for the last 40 years!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: My God, you look different. Have you shrunk?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Sammy is wearing an Easter bunny contume]

Annelle: We'll talk about uncomfortable when you're nine months pregnant!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.

Annelle: I suspected this all along!

Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!

Annelle: Not on your first visit!

Clairee Belcher: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: Smile! It increases your face value.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: Drum, eat shit and die.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.

Clairee Belcher: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: Oh, honey, God don't care which church you go, long as you show up!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time.

Clairee Belcher: Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Well, that explains a lot.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!

Clairee Belcher: A lot she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: You are playin' hard to get!

Clairee Belcher: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake!

Annelle: Who?

Sammy: Christ.

Annelle: Who did you say?

Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ!

Annelle: Is that our Lord whose name you're taking in vain?

Sammy: That's the one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper what happened today you run over a small child or something?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: The older you get, the sillier you get.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee: And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week...

Ouiser Boudreaux: There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: That is one ugly dog. What kind of dog is that?

Clairee: If it had hair, it'd be a Saint Bernard.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14.

Clairee: You were brought up right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: There is no such thing as natural beauty.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M'Lynn: Shelby, the boys bought the car around.

Shelby: What did they do to it?

M'Lynn: Well, let me put it this way... If you and Jackson want to practice safe sex, you're all set!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy and Jonathon Eatenton: Hello Miz Ouiser

Ouiser Boudreaux: [Makes a face] Ugh! Leave me alone!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M'Lynn: Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a gun at a lady!

Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: [stands up after praying] Amen.

M'Lynn: [looking confused at Truvy] Was she just praying?

Truvy: [rolling eyes, frustrated] Yes.

M'Lynn: Why?

Truvy: Maybe she's praying for Marshall and Drew and Belle. Maybe she's praying for us because we're gossiping. Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows! She prays a the drop of a hat these days.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

[screaming]

M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!

[In a firm tone]

M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna *hit* something! I wanna *hit it hard*!

[continues sobbing]

Clairee: *Here*! [Grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]

Clairee: *Hit this*! Go ahead M'Lynn, *slap her*!

Ouiser Boudreaux: [Taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?

Clairee: *Hit her*!

Ouiser Boudreaux: *Are you high, Clairee*?

Ouiser Boudreaux: [In a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?

Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!

Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enoough!

Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!

Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me!

Clairee: M'LYNN, YOU JUST MISSED THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME! HALF O' CHIQUAPIN PARISH'LL GIVE THEIR EYE-TEETH TO TAKE A WHACK O' OUISER!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M'Lynn: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annelle: Does your dress have to go over your head?

M'Lynn: No

Annelle: OH! Thank God!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shelby: [to Annelle] Relax! You can't screw up her hair. Just tease it and make it look like a brown football helmet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truvy: What are your colors, Shelby?

Shelby: My Colors! My Colors! My colors are "blush" and "bashful."

M'Lynn: Her colors are "pink" and pink."

Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama!

M'Lynn: How precious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clairee Belcher: [discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?

Ouiser Boudreaux: SHUT UP!

Clairee Belcher: What?

Ouiser Boudreaux: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.

Clairee Belcher: I am not.

Ouiser Boudreaux: This is football. All people care about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn about that grape shit.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ouiser Boudreaux: Don't try to get on my good side, Truvy. I no longer have one!