Dean: You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it!

Dean: (after finding Ellcott's body) Aw, that's just gross.

[Sam has woken up after Dean has burned Ellcott's bones.]

Dean: You're not gonna try to kill me, are you?

Sam: No.

Dean: Good. 'Cause that would be awkward.

Scarecrow [1.11]

Sam: So, Dad is sending us to Indiana to go hunting for something before another couple vanishes?

Dean: Yahtzee. Can you imagine putting together a pattern like this? All the different obits Dad had to go through? The man’s a master!

Sam: Dean, if this demon killed Mom and Jess, and Dad’s closing in, we’ve gotta be there. We’ve gotta help.

Dean: Dad doesn’t want our help!

Sam: I don’t care.

Dean: He’s given us an order.

Sam: *firmly* I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says.

Dean: Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives, it’s important.

Sam: Alright, I understand, believe me, I understand. But I’m talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge.

Dean: All right, look, I know how you feel.

Sam: Do you? (Dean seems shocked at Sam’s tone.) How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel?

Dean: Dad said it wasn’t safe. For any of us. I mean, he obviously knows something that we don’t, so if he says to stay away, we stay away.

Sam: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.

Dean: Yeah, it’s called being a good son!

Dean: You're a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don't care what anybody thinks.

Sam: That's what you really think?

Dean: Yes, it is.

Sam: Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California.

Dean: Come on, you’re not serious.

Sam: I am serious.

Dean: It’s the middle of the night! Hey, I’m taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?

Sam: That’s what I want you to do.

Dean: Goodbye, Sam.

Dean:(To scarecrow) Dude, you fugly.

Dean: You know, my brother could give you this puppy dog look and you'd just buy right into it.

Bus Station Clerk: Sorry, the Sacramento bus doesn't run again 'til tomorrow, 5:05 p.m.

Sam: Tomorrow?! There's got to be another way!

Bus Station Clerk: Oh, there is. Buy a car.

Dean: Sam, you were right, you gotta do your own thing, you gotta live your own life.

Sam: Are you serious?

Dean: You've always known what you want and you go after it. Stand up to Dad, and you always have. I wish I had. Anyway, I admire that about you. I'm proud of you, Sammy.

Sam: I don't even know what to say.

Dean: Say you'll take care of yourself.

Sam: I will.

Sam: The scarecrow crawled off its cross?

Dean: I'm telling you, Burkitsville, Indiana – Fun Town

Dean: Actually, I'm on my way to the local community college. I got an appointment with a professor...you know, since I don't have my trusty sidekick geek boy to do all the research!

Dean: I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it!

Emily: I don't understand. They're going to kill us?

Dean: Sacrifice us. Which is, I don't know, classier I guess.

Emily: So what's the plan?

Dean: I'm working on it.

[several hours later.]

Emily: You don't have a plan, do you?

Dean: I'm working on it...

Dean: How'd you get here?

Sam: I stole a car.

Dean: That's my boy!

Dean: Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.

Sam: You should be kissing my ass - you were dead meat back there.

Dean: Yeah right. I had a plan - I'd have gotten out.

Faith [1.12]

Dean: Have you ever watched daytime TV? It's terrible.

Sam: (sighs) I talked to your doctor.

Dean: That fabric softener teddy bear. Oooh! I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down.

Sam: Dean.

Dean: Yeah, alright. Well, it looks like you're going to leave town without me.

Sam: What are you talking about? I'm not leaving you here.

Dean: Hey, you better take care of that car or I swear I'll haunt your ass.

Sam: I don't think that's funny.

Dean: Ah, come on. It's a little funny. (pause) Look Sammy, what can I say, man? It's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story.

Sam: Don't talk like that, alright. We still have options.

Dean: What options? You got burial or cremation. I know it's not easy, but I'm gonna die and you can't stop it.

Sam: Watch me.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you?

Sam: I'm not gonna let you die period.

Dean: I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

Sam: You know this whole "I laugh in the face of death" thing is crap, I can see right through it.

Dean: Yeah, whatever. Have you even slept? You look worse than me.

Dean: Man, you're a lying bastard. I thought you said we were going to see a doctor.

Sam: I believe I said a specialist. Look, Dean, this guy’s supposed to be the real deal.

Dean: I can’t believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent.

Dean: Well, I bet you she can work in some mysterious ways. (talking about Layla)

Sam: But you said you saw a dude in a suit.

Dean: Well, what, do you think he should’ve been workin’ the whole black robe thing?

Protester: Roy Le Grange is a fraud. He's no healer.

Dean: Amen, brother.

Sam: You, keep up the good work.

Protester: Thank you.

Dean: Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?

Roy: Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest.

Dean: What did you see in my heart?

Roy: A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn’t finished.

Layla: If you're gonna have faith, you can't just have it when the miracles happen, you have to have it when they don't.

Dean: Layla. I'm not much the prayin' type, but... I'm gonna pray for you.

Layla: Well, there's a miracle right there.

Route 666 [1.13]

Sam: By an old friend, you mean...

Dean: A friend that's not new.

Sam: Yeah, thanks.

Sam: You mean you dated someone? For more than one night?

Dean: Am I speaking in a language you're not getting here?

Sam: You TOLD her?! The big family secret? Rule number one - we do what we do and shut our mouths about it? *Dean is silent* DEAN!

Dean: Yeah! Looks like...

Sam: And you think this vanishing truck ran him off the road?

Cassie: (embarrassed) Oh, when you say it aloud like that.Listen, I’m a little skeptical about this…ghost stuff, or whatever it is you guys are into.

Dean: (chuckling) Skeptical. Yeah, if I remember, I think you said it was nuts.

Sam: I’ll say this for her—she’s fearless.

Dean: Mmhmm.

Sam: I bet she kicked your ass a couple times. What’s interesting is you guys never really look at each other at the same time. You look at her when she’s not looking, she checks you out when you look away. It’s just an interesting observation. In a, you know, observationally interesting way.

Dean: I think we might have some more pressing issues here.

Sam: Hey, if I’m hittin’ a nerve...

Dean: Oh, let’s go.

Sam: Oh, and you might also want to mention that other thing.

Dean: What other thing?

Sam: The serious unfinished business. Dean, what is going on between you two?

Dean: Alright, so maybe we were a little bit more involved than I said.

Sam: Oh, ok. Yeah.

Dean: Okay, a lot more. Maybe. And I told her the secret about what we do, and I shouldn’t have.

Sam: No, look, man, everybody’s gotta open up to someone, sometime.

Dean: Yeah, I don’t. It was stupid to get that close, and look how it ended. Would you stop? Blink or something.

Sam: You loved her.

Dean: Oh, God.

Sam: You were in love with her, but you dumped her. Oh, wow. She dumped you.

Dean: Get in the car.

Cassie: The guy I’m with, the guy I’m hoping might be in my future tells me he professionally pops ghosts.

Dean: That’s not the words I used.

Dean: Yeah I guess. Who knows what ghosts are thinkin' anyway.

Sam: You know we're going to have to dredge that body up from the swamp right?

Dean: (little laugh) You said it.

Dean: Don't leave the house.

Cassie: Don't go getting all authoritative on me, I hate it.

Dean: Don't leave the house, please?

Sam: Oh, my life was so simple. Just school, exams, papers on poly-centric cultural norms.

Dean: So, I guess I saved you from a boring existance.

Sam: Occasionally I miss boring.

Dean: Right, so this killer truck...

Sam: I miss conversations that didn't start with "this killer truck."

Sam: So burning the body had no effect on that thing?

Dean: Sure it did – now it’s really pissed.

Sam: (over a cellphone) Where are you?

Dean: I'm in the middle of nowhere with a killer truck on my ass!

Sam: I figured maybe that would get rid of it.

Dean: Maybe?! Maybe?!? What if you were wrong?

Sam: Huh. Honestly that thought hadn't occurred to me.

Dean: (mimicking Sam) "Well that honestly didn't occur to me." I'm gonna kill him.

Sam: I’m guessing you guys were working things out.

Dean: We’ll be working things out when we’re 90.

Nightmare [1.14]

Sam: Well, don't look at me like that.

Dean: I’m not lookin’ at you like anything. Though I gotta say, you look like crap.

Sam: Nice...thanks.

Sam: This has got to be a whole new low for us. (Dean and Sam are wearing ministers’ outfits)

Sam: You can't tell me this doesn't freak you out.

[long pause.]

Dean: This doesn't freak me out.

Max: All these people kept coming with, like casserole. I finally had to tell them all to go away. Because nothing says “sorry” like a tuna casserole.

Sam: Dean, I’ve been thinking.

Dean: Well, that’s never a good thing.

Sam: Well, I know one thing I have in common with these people.

Dean: What's that?

Sam: Both our families are cursed.

Dean: Our family's not cursed. We just... had our dark spots.

Sam: (chuckles) Our dark spots are pretty dark.

Dean: You're...dark

Sam: We’re not gonna kill Max.

Dean: Then what? I hand him over to the cops and say, “Lock him up, officer, he kills with the power of his mind.”

Sam: Well, I'll tell you one thing. We're lucky we had Dad.

Dean: I never thought I'd hear you say that.

Sam: Well, he could’ve gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon-hunting, and we would’ve had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay—thanks to him.

Dean: All things considered.

Sam:Aren’t you worried, man, aren’t you worried that I could turn into Max or something?

Dean: Nope. No way. You know why?

Sam: No. Why?

Dean: ‘Cause you’ve got one advantage that Max didn’t have.

Sam: Dad? Because Dad’s not here, Dean.

Dean: No. Me. (He smiles.) As long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.

Sam: When Max locked me in that closet, that big cabinet against the door, I moved it.

Dean: You have a little bit more upper body strength than I give you credit for!

Sam:No man. I moved it. Like Max.

Dean:(long pause) Oh. Right.

Sam:Yeah.

Dean: I know what we need to do about your premonitions. I know where we have to go.

Sam: Where?

Dean: Vegas. (Sam ‘harrumphs' and walks out) What? Come on man! Craps table? We'd clean up!

The Benders [1.15]

Evan: Godzilla Vs. Mothra.

Dean: That’s my favorite Godzilla movie. It’s so much better than the original, huh?

Evan: Totally.

Dean: Yeah. (Dean nods towards Sam) He likes the remake.

Evan: Yuck!

Sam: We should get an early start.

Dean: Yeah, you really know how to have fun, don’t you, Grandma?

Deputy Kathleen: (about Sam) Does your cousin have a drinking problem?

Dean: What, Sam? Two beers and he's doin' karaoke.

Deputy Kathleen: So you know his brother Dean Winchester died in St. Louis and was suspected of murder?

Dean: Yeah, Dean, kinda the black sheep of the family. Handsome, though.

Sam: I was lookin’ for ya.

Jenkins: Oh, yeah?

Sam: Yeah.

Jenkins: Well, no offense, but this is a piss-poor rescue.

Jenkins: What is it? (SAM picks it up and looks at it.)

Sam: It’s a bracket.

Jenkins: Well, thank God, a bracket. Now we’ve got ‘em, huh?

Deputy Kathleen: So, Gregory.

Dean: Yeah.

Deputy Kathleen: I ran your badge number. It's routine when we're working on a case with State Police, for accounting purposes and what have you.

Dean: Mmhmm.

Deputy Kathleen: And, uh, you just got back to me... says here your badge was stolen. And there's a picture of you. :[turns the screen towards Dean, on which there is a picture of a portly, African-American police officer. There is a long silence]:

Dean: I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...

Dean: (talking about Sam) When we were young, I pretty much pulled him from a fire. And ever since then I've felt responsible for him, like it's my job to keep him safe.

Dean: I really need to start carrying paperclips.

Deputy Kathleen: Your, uh… your cousin's looking for you.

Sam: Thank god. Where is he?

Deputy Kathleen: I, uh… I cuffed him to my car.

Dean: Have you seen ‘em?

Sam: Yeah. Dude, they’re just people.

Dean: And they jumped you? Must be gettin’ a little rusty there, kiddo.

Dean: Demons I get. People are crazy.

Pa Bender: We never been that sloppy.

Dean: Yeah, well, don’t sell yourself short. You’re plenty sloppy.

Pa Bender: So what, you with that pretty cop? Are you a cop?

Dean: If I tell you, will you promise not to make me into an ashtray?

Pa Bender: Tell me, any other cops gonna come lookin' for you?

Dean: Eat me. Oh no no no wait wait wait, you actually might.

Dean: Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. That's what this is about? You yahoos hunt people?

Pa: But the best hunt is human. Oh, there's nothin' like it. Holdin' their life in your hands. Seein' the fear in their eyes just before they go dark. Makes you feel powerful alive.

Dean: You're one sick puppy.

Dean: Oh, these locks look like they’re gonna be a bitch.

Dean: Don't ever do that again.

Sam: Do what?

Dean: Go missing like that.

Sam: You were worried about me!

Dean: I'm just saying, you vanish like that again and I'm not looking for you.

Sam: Sure you won't.

Dean: No I'm not.

Sam: So you got sidelined by a 13-year old girl?

Dean: Shut up.

Sam: I'm just saying, getting a little rusty there aren't you, kiddo?

Shadow [1.16]

Dean: You know, I’ve gotta say Dad and me did just fine without these stupid costumes. I feel like a high school drama dork. (He smiles.) What was that play that you did? What was it – Our Town. Yeah, you were good, it was cute.

Sam: Look, you wanna pull this off or not?

Dean: I’m just sayin’, these outfits cost hard-earned money, okay?

Sam: Whose?

Dean: Ours. You think credit card fraud is easy?

Landlady: You guys said you're with the alarm company?

Dean: That's right.

Landlady: Well, no offense, but your alarm's about as useful as boobs on a man.

Dean: That's why we're here.

Sam: So, you talk to the cops?

Dean: Uh, yeah. I spoke to Amy a, uh, charming and perky officer of the law.

Sam: Yeah, and what did you find out?

Dean: Well, she's a Sagittarius. She loves tequila, I mean...whew. Oh, and she's got this little tattoo...

Dean: I talked to the bartender.

Sam: Did you get anything...besides her number?

Dean: Dude, I'm a professional. I'm offended that you would think that (smiles and chuckles as he displays a napkin with her phone number)...All right.

Sam: You mind doing a little thinking with your upstairs brain, Dean?

Dean: So, to recap, the only successful intel we've scored so far is the bartender's phone number.

Meg: Dude, cover your mouth.

Sam: I think there's something weird going on here.

Dean: Yeah – she wasn't even that into me!

Sam: I'm just saying, there's something about this girl I can't quite put my finger on.

Dean: But I bet you'd like to. Maybe she's not a suspect, maybe...maybe you've got a thing for her. Maybe you're thinking a little too much with your upstairs brain.

Dean: What are you gonna do?

Sam: I'm gonna watch Meg.

Dean: (laughing) Yeah, you are.

Sam: I just wanna see what's what. Better safe than sorry.

Dean: All right, you little pervert.

Sam: Dude.

Dean: I’m goin’, I’m goin’.

Sam: How’d you figure that out?

Dean: Give me some credit, man. You don’t have a corner on paper chasin’ around here.

Sam: Oh, yeah? Name the last book you read.

Dean: (defeated) No, I called Dad’s friend, Caleb. He told me, all right?

Sam: Yeah.

[over the phone.]

Sam: Hi.

Dean: Let me guess - you're lurking outside that poor girl's apartment, aren't you?

Sam: No!...Yes...

Dean: You got a funny way of showing your affection.

Dean: (to Sam) Now, look, why don't you go knock on her door and invite her to a poetry reading, or whatever it is you do, huh?

Dean: Why don't you go up and deliver a private strip-o-gram?

Sam: Bite me.

Dean: Oh no, Bite her. Just don't leave any teeth marks... (Sam hangs up) Sam?

Dean: So Sammy's got a thing for the bad girl.

Dean: You wanna go back to school?

Sam: Yeah, once we’re done huntin’ the thing.

Dean: Huh.

Sam: Why, is there somethin’ wrong with that?

Dean: No. No, it’s, uh, great. Good for you.

Sam: I mean, what are you gonna do when it’s all over?

Dean: It’s never gonna be over. There’s gonna be others. There’s always gonna be somethin’ to hunt.

Sam: But there’s got to be somethin’ that you want for yourself—

Dean: Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this thing’s over, Sam.

Sam: Dude, what’s your problem?

Dean: Why do you think I drag you everywhere? Huh? I mean, why do you think I came and got you at Stanford in the first place?

Sam: ‘Cause Dad was in trouble. ‘Cause you wanted to find the thing that killed Mom.

Dean: Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man.

Dean: Hey Sam. Don't take this the wrong way, but your girlfriend...is a bitch.

Dean: Hey, Sam…?

Sam: Hmm?

Dean: Next time you want to get laid…find a girl that's not so buckets of crazy, huh?

John: I got there just in time to see the girl take the swan dive. (pause) She was the bad guy, right?

Sam and Dean: (in unison) Yes, sir.

Hell House [1.17]

Boy#2: Want me to hold your hand? [He offers his hand and she takes it] Are there any other parts I can hold?

Girl: [She gives him a look and lets go of his hand] Ew, shut up, you loser!

Boy#1: Oh look - it's the evil root cellar. Where Satan cans all his vegetables.

Dean: What's the matter, Sammy? You afraid you gonna get a little Nair in your shampoo again, huh?

Sam: All right. Just remember you started it.

Dean: Oh, bring it on, baldy.

Sam: [hesitantly] Well, I knew we were gonna be passing through Texas, so, uh, last night I searched some local...paranormal websites and I found one.

Dean: And what's it called? [Sam is reluctant]

Sam: Hell Hound's Lair dot com.

Dean: Most of those websites wouldn't know a ghost if it bit them in the pursqueeter.

Sam: And after his time, too. The reversed cross has been used by Satanists for centuries, but this sigil of sulfur didn’t show up in San Francisco until the sixties. (Dean looks at him strangely.)

Dean: This is exactly why you never get laid.

Sam: (looks at him)

Dean: I don't know, Sam. I mean, I hate to agree with authority figures of any kind, but you know, the cops might be right about this one.

Harry: What are you guys doing here?

Dean: What the hell are you doing here?

Ed: Uh, we belong here, we're professionals.

Dean: Professional what?

Ed: (chuckling) Sorry. That pot we smoked gave me the giggles! Woo!

Sam: (grunts) I think I'm allergic to our soap.

Dean: (leaves, laughing)

Sam: You did this?! You're a jerk!

Ed: This stuff right here—this is our ticket to the big time. Fame, money, sex. With girls, okay? Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?

Harry: What would Buffy do? I don't know, but, Ed, she’s stronger than me.

Ed: Okay, we've got an obligation to our fans, to the truth...

Dean: Well I have an obligation to kick both of your little asses.

Sam: Dean, Dean, hey, hey, just forget it, alright. These guys... I could probably bitch slap them both.

Dean: I thought the legend said that Mordecai only goes after chicks.

Sam: It does.

Dean: Alright, well I mean that explains why it went after you, but why me?

Sam: Hilarious.

Dean: Why don't you tell us about that house - without lying through your ass this time?

Dean: People believe in Santa Claus - why aren't I getting hooked up every Christmas?

Sam: 'Cause you're a bad person.

Dean: I say we find ourselves a bar and some beer and leave the legend to the locals. (gets in Impala)

Sam: (pauses, leans over to see inside car)

Dean: (startled, jumps) Whoa! (turns the radio back off) What the-

Sam: (laughs and gets in car)

Dean: (stares)

Sam: (puts up one finger to indicate "1", points at self)

Dean: That all ya got? That's weak. (Sam laughs) That is Bush league.

Guy: (outside Hell House) This is it! The point of no return.

Jill: Why do I have to go in there?

Second Girl: Because, Jill, you chose dare instead of truth. Which means you either have to get a jar from Mordecai's cellar and bring it back, or...

Guy: (smiles) Or you can make out with me!

Jill: I'll take the homicidal ghost, thanks. (takes flashlight)

Dean: What happened?

': Couple of cops say that poor girl hung herself in the house.

Sam: Suicide?

': Yeah. But she was a straight-A student. And a full ride to UT, too. It just don't make sense. (walks off)

Sam: What are you thinkin'?

Dean: I'm thinkin' we missed something.

Dean: I don't believe it.

Dean: I got an idea. (stands up, cups hand around mouth, calls out) Who ya gonna call??

Dean: (examining a jar in Mordecai's basement) Hey, Sam. I dare you to take a swig of this.

Sam: The hell would I do that for?

Dean: (pauses) I double-dare you.

Dean: Man, I hate rats.

Sam: Would you rather it was a ghost?

Dean: Yes.

Ed: Sweet Lord of the Rings – run!!

Dean: (pulls string, puppet laughs)

Sam: (pulls string, laughter ceases) If you pull that string one more time, I'm going to kill you.

Dean: (looks straight at Sam, pulls string again, puppet laughs again}

Sam: (laughs)

Dean: (stares) You didn't.

Sam: Oh. (pulls out super glue) I did. (pulls puppet string and laughs with puppet)

Dean: I have no skin left on my palm.

Sam: I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole.

Sam: That was your great idea? To burn the house down?

Dean: Well no one will go in any more.

Sam: It kinda makes you wonder. Of all the things we've hunted, how many exist just because people believed in them?

Dean: Wow.

Sam: I have a confession to make. I'm the one who called them up and told them I was a producer. (both laugh, glancing back at Ed and Harry)

Dean: Well, I'm the one who put the dead fish in their back seat.

Sam: Truce?

Dean: Yeah, truce... at least for the next hundred miles.

Something Wicked [1.18]

Dean: Well, maybe he's [their father] gonna meet us there.

Sam:(scoffs) Yeah, cause he's been so easy to find at this point.

Dean: You're a real smart ass, you know that? (pauses) Don't worry, I'm sure there's something in Fitchberg worth killing.

Sam: Yeah? what makes you so sure?

Dean: Because I'm the oldest... which means I'm always right.

Sam: No, it doesn't.

Dean: Yeah, it totally does.

Sam: Dude, dude, I'm not using this ID!

Dean: Why not?

Sam: Because it says "bikini inspector" on it!

Michael: (sitting behind motel reception desk) King or two queens?

Dean: Two queens.

Michael: (looks at Sam, mutters) Yeah, I'll bet.

Dean: What'd you say?

Michael: Nice car. (smirks)

Dean: When we were there, I saw a patient. An old woman.

Sam: An old person, huh?

Dean: Yeah.

Sam: (eyebrows raised) At a hospital.

Dean: (looks up at Sam)

Sam: Wooo... better call the Coast Guard.

Dean: Well, listen, smart ass, she had an inverted cross hanging on her wall.

Sam: (silent)

Sam: I'm surprised you didn't draw on him right there.

Dean: Yeah, well, first of all, I wasn't gonna open fire at a freakin' pediatrics ward.

Sam: Good call.

Dean: Second, it wouldn't have done any good cause the bastard's bullet-proof unless he's chowing down on something, and third, I wasn't packing, which is probably a good thing, 'cause I probably would have just burned a clip in him just out of principle alone.

Sam: Getting wise in your old age, Dean.

Michael: You said you're a big brother.

Dean: Yeah.

Michael: You'd take care of your little brother? You'd do anything for him?

Dean: (glances back at Sam) Yeah... I would.

Michael: Me too. I'll help.

Dean: Well, we'll be right in the next room. We're gonna come in with guns, so as soon as we do, you roll off this bed and crawl under it.

Michael: What if you shoot me?

Dean: (shakes head) We won't shoot you. We're good shots. We're not gonna fire until you're clear, okay?

Michael: (nods)

Dean: Have you ever heard of a gunshot before?

Michael: Like in the movies?

Dean: This is gonna be a lot louder than in movies so I want you to stay under the bed, cover your ears. Do not come out till we say so, you understand?

Dean: HEY!

(Shtriga stops sucking the life out of Sam to look up at Dean)

Dean:(Dean shoots it in the head and the Shtriga falls off Sam) You okay, little brother?

Sam: Hey, Dean, I'm sorry

Dean: (looks confused) For what?

Sam: You know. I know I've given you a lot of crap for always following Dad's orders. But I know why you do it.

Dean: Oh God... kill me now.

Sam: It's too bad.

Dean: No, they'll be fine.

Sam: It's not what I meant. I meant Michael. (pauses) He'll always know that there are things out there in the dark. He'll never be the same. You know... (pauses again) sometimes I wish that... (trails off)

Dean: What?

Sam: I wish I could have that kind of innocence.

Dean: (pauses) Well if it means anything, sometimes I wish you could too.

Provenance [1.19]

Sam: Alright, so I think I've got something.

Dean: Yeah, me too. (looks towards hot chick) I think we need to take a little shore leave, just a little one. What do you think, huh? I'm so on the door with this one.

Sam: So what are we today, Dean? Rock stars? Are we army rangers?

Dean: LA TV scouts, looking for people with special skills.

Dean: She's got a friend over there, probably can hook you up. What do you think?

Sam: Dean? Ah... no thanks. I can get my own dates.

Dean: Yeah, but you don't.

Sam: What's that suppose to mean?

Dean: Nothing. What've you got?

Daniel: Can I help you gentlemen?

Dean: I'd like some champagne please.

Sam: (to Dean, shocked) He's not a waiter.

Daniel: I'm Daniel Blake. This is my auction house. Now, gentlemen, this is a private showing and I don't remember seeing your name on the guest list.

Dean: (With a mouth full of food) We're there Chuckles, you just need to take another look. (looks around, sees a waiter holding out champagne glasses and helps himself to one) Ooh, finally!

Sarah: I'm Sarah Blake

Sam: Sam. And this is, uh... (turns to Dean who is yet again stuffing his mouth with food) my brother Dean...

Sarah: Dean.

Dean: Mmmmmmm.

Sarah: Can we get you some more mini quiches?

Dean: Mmmm, (shakes head) I'm good thanks.

Dean: Grant Wood, Grandma Moses...what?

Sam: Art History course. It's good for meeting girls.

Dean: It's like I don't even know you.

Dean: Well, we're not getting anything out of Chuckles, but, uh.. Sarah...

Sam: Yeah, maybe you can get her to write it all down on a cocktail napkin.

Dean: (chuckles) Not me.

Sam: Oh, no no no no. Pickups are your thing Dean.

Dean: It wasn't my butt she was checking out.

Dean: Sometimes you have to take one for the team.

Sarah: I don't know about Romeo here, but I'll have a beer.

Dean: So she just handed the providences over to you?

Sam: Provenances.

Dean: Provenances?

Sam: Yes, we went back to her place, I got a copy of the papers.

Dean: And?

Sam: And nothing. That's it. I left.

Dean: You didn't need to con her? Or do any special favors or anything like that?

Sam: Dean, would you get your mind out of the gutter, please?

(Sam and Dean are frantically searching for Dean's wallet)

Sarah: Hey guys!

Sam: Sarah! Hey!

Sarah: What are you doing here?

Sam: Err.. um.. we're leaving town and you know, we came to say goodbye.

Dean: What are you talking about? We're sticking around another day or two.

(Sam looks confused)

Sarah: Uh huh... (looks perplexed)

Dean: Oh Sam, by the way, I thought I'd give you that 20 bucks I owe you... (takes out his wallet from back pocket. Sam realises Dean has tricked him)

Sarah: Oh, well, that's too bad.

Sam: (sees painting he thought Dean and himself had burnt) OH MY GOD!

Sarah: What?

Sam: Thaha... that painting... looks so... good.

Sarah: (looks confused) If you can call that monstronsity good, then yeah, I guess...

Dean: Well, I’m tryin’ to pick the lock, but the door won’t budge.

Sam: Well, then, break it down.

Dean: Okay, genius, let me grab my battering ram.

Sam: I don't understand, Dean. We burned the damn thing.

Dean: Yeah, thank you, Captain Obvious.

Dean: Alright, well, if his head position changed, then maybe some other things in the painting changed as well, you know, can give us some clue.

Sam: What, like The Da Vinci Code?

Dean: I don't... know... I'm still waiting for the movie on that one.

Dean: Alright, you like her; she likes you. You're both consenting adults.

Sam: What's the point Dean? We'll just leave. We always leave.

Dean: Well, I'm not talking about marriage, Sam.

Sam: You know what, I don't get it. What do you care if I hook up?

Dean: 'Cause then maybe you wouldn't be so cranky all the time.

Dean: You know, seriously, Sam, this isn't just about hooking up, okay? I mean, I, I think that this Sarah girl could be good for you. And I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm—I'm sure that this is about Jessica, right? Now I don't know what it's like to lose somebody like that, but I would think that she would want you to be happy; God forbid, have fun one in awhile. Wouldn't she?

Sam:: Yeah, I know she would. Yeah, you're right - part of this is about Jessica, but not the main part.

Dean: What's it about? (Sam is silent) Yeah, alright.

Sam: Sarah, you saw that painting move.

Sarah: No...no... I, I was seeing things. It's impossible

Dean: Yeah, well, welcome to our world

Sam: Sarah, I know this sounds crazy, but we think that that painting is haunted.

Sarah: Huh... you're joking... (looks at the brothers) ...you're not joking. God! The guys I go out with!

Sarah: Look, I'm not saying that I'm not scared, cause I am scared as hell, but I'm not going to run and hide either. (walks towards the door) So, are we going or what? (exits)

Dean: Sam, marry that girl.

Sarah: Is there something here between us, or am I delusional?

Sam: You're not delusional.

Sarah: But, there's a but coming.

Sam: But, I don't think this is a good idea.

Sarah: Can I ask why?

Sam: 'Cause I like you.

Sarah: Wait... you lost me.

(both laugh)

Sarah: I thought the painting was harmless now.

Sam: Better be safe than sorry. We're gonna burn the sucker.

Sarah: I wanna come with you.

Sam: You sure?

Sarah: Yeah (gets out of car)

Dean: Hey, hey, hey, I'll stay here, you go make your move.

Sam: Sshh!

Dean: Sam, I'm serious!

Sarah: So, why did the girl do it?

Sam: Killing others, killing herself. Some people are just born tortured. So when they die, their spirits are just as dark.

Dean: I'll go wait in the car. See you, Sarah (reluctant to leave... but slowly walks off, muttering) I'm the one who burned the doll and destroyed the spirit, but don't thank me or anything.

Dead Man's Blood [1.20]

Dean: Looks like the maid didn't come today.

Sam: Hey, there's salt over here. Right inside the door.

Dean: You mean like protection-against-demons salt or oops-I-spilled-the-popcorn salt.

Sam: It's clearly a ring.

Dean: "Vampires nest in groups of eight to ten, smaller packs are sent out to hunt for food. Victims are taken to the nest, where the pack keeps them alive, bleeding them for days or weeks." Wonder if that's what happened to that 911 couple.

Sam: That's probably what dad's thinking. (sullenly) 'Course, it'd be nice if he just told us what he thinks.

Dean: So it is starting.

Sam: What?

Dean: Sam, we've been looking for dad all year. Now we're not with him for more than a couple hours and there's static already?

Sam: (scoffs) No. Look, I'm happy he's okay, alright? And I'm happy that we're all working together again.

Dean: Well, good.

Sam: ...it's just the way he treats us, like we're children.

Dean: (rolls his eyes) Oh, God.

John: Get back in the car.

Sam: No.

John: I said, get back in the damn car.

Sam: Yeah. And I said no.

Dean: Listen, stop it, stop it stop it! ( pushing between Sam and John) That's enough! (to John) That means you too.

Girl: Are you gonna kill me?

Kate: I'm gonna take you so high, you're never gonna come down.

John: Sammy.

Sam: What?

John: I don't think I ever told you this, but the day you were born, d'you know what I did?

Sam: No.

John: I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars, until- Anyway, my point is, Sam, that, this was never the life I wanted for you.

Sam: Hey, Dad, whatever happened to that college fund?

John: Spent it on ammo.

(Both laugh)

Dean: Whoo! Man. That's some heavy security to protect a bunch of dead guys.

Vamp: Car trouble? Let me give you a lift. Take you back to my place.

Dean: Naah, I'll pass. I usually draw the line at necrophilia.

Vamp: Oooo. (punches Dean in face, grabs him, and picks him up by the jaw.)

Dean: Sorry, I can't really stay with a chick that long- definitely not eternity.

Sam: You can't treat us like this.

John: Like what?

Sam: Like children.

John: You are my children.

John: I'm trying to keep you safe.

Dean: Dad, all due respect, but that's a bunch of crap.

(beat)

John: Excuse me?

Dean: What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die and we coulda done something about it? You know, I've been thinking, and I think maybe Sammy's right about this one. I think we should do this together. We're stronger as a family, dad, we just are, you know it.

John: We're running out of time. You do your job and you get out of the area. That's an order.

John: So boys.

Sam: Yes, sir.

John: You ignored a direct order back there.

Sam: Yes, sir.

Dean: Yeah, but we saved your ass.

(beat)

John: You're right.

Dean: I am?

Sam: Where we going, dad? What's the big deal about this gun!

Dean: Sammy come on! We can Q&A after we kill all the vampires.

John: Your brother is right. We don't have time this.

Sam: Last time we saw you you said is to dangerous to be together. Now out of the blue you need our help! Obviously something big is going down and we wanna know what.

John: Get in the car!

Sam: No!!!

Jonh: I said get back in the damn car!

Sam: Yeah and I said NO!!!

Dean: Alright you made your point, though guy. Look we are all tired. We can talk about this later. Sammy I mean it c'mon

Sam: This is why I left in a first place.

John: What you say?

Sam: You heard me!

John: Yeah, you left! Your brother, me, we need at you! You walked away, Sam, YOU WALKED AWAY!!!

Dean: Stop it, both of you!

Sam: Your the one who said don't come back, dad! Your the one who closed the door, not me! You were just pissed off you couldn't control me any more!

Salvation [1.21]

Dean: For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault.

Sam: Yeah, you’re right, it’s not my fault, but it’s my problem!

Dean: No, it’s not your problem, it’s our problem!

John: Okay. That’s enough.

John: Alright, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone and you call me.

Dean: Call you! Are you kidding me? (crosses towards John) Dad, I called you from Lawrence, alright. Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone - I've got a better chance of winning the lottery.

Meg: Well, I’ve lied... a lot. I’ve stolen. I’ve lusted. And the other day I met this man – a nice guy, you know? And we had a really good chat...sort of like this. Then I slit his throat and ripped his heart out through his chest. Does that make me a bad person?

Pastor Jim: I like to say, salvation was created for sinners.

Sam: Hello?

Meg: Sam?

Sam: Who is this?

Meg: Think real hard. It’ll come to you.

Sam: (shocked) Meg. Last time I saw you, you fell out of a window.

Meg: Yeah, thanks to you. That really hurt my feelings, by the way.

Sam: Just your feelings? That was a seven-story drop.

John: I’m going to kill you.

Meg: Oh, John, please – mind your blood pressure.

Sam: Maybe we could tell them there's a gas leak, that might get them out of the house for a few hours.

Dean: Yeah, and how many times has that actually worked for us?

Sam: Yeah. (long pause) We could always tell them the truth.

Sam and Dean: (in unison) Naaah.

Meg: John, you made it. Too bad, really. I was hoping to kill more of your friends.

John: Sorry to disappoint.

Meg: I can see where your boys get their good looks. But I must admit, considering what they say about you, I thought you’d be….taller. (JOHN says nothing.) Well, aren’t you the chatty one? You wanna get to business? Fine. Why don’t you hand over the gun?

John: If I give you the gun, how do I get out of here?

Meg: Well, if you’re as good as they say you are, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.

John: Maybe I’ll just shoot you.

Meg: You wanna shoot me, baby? Go ahead. It won’t end anything. There’s more where I came from.

Meg: You're dead, John. Your boys are dead.

John: I never used the gun, how could I know it wouldn't work?

Meg: I am so not in the mood for this, I've just been shot!

John: Well then, I guess you're lucky the gun wasn't real.

Meg: That's funny, John. We're gonna strip the skin from your bones, but that was funny.

Sam: Dean, uh, I want to thank you.

Dean: For what?

Sam: For everything. You've always had my back, you know. Even when I couldn't count on anyone, I could always count on you. And, uh, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you kidding me?

Sam: What?

Dean: Don't say just in case something happens to you, I don't want to hear that freaking speech, man. Nobody's dying tonight, not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, understand me?

Cute Girl: Hi, is there anything I can do for you?

Dean: Oh god, yes

Sam: It's still in there!

Dean: Sam - Sam! No!

Sam: Dean, let me go it's still in there!

Dean: It's burning to the ground! It's suicide!

Sam: I don't care!

Dean: I DO!

Sam: If you had just let me go in there, I could have ended all this.

Dean: Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.

Sam: You don’t know that.

Dean: So, what, you’re just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?

Sam: Yeah. Yeah, you’re damn right I am.

Dean: Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen—not as long as I’m around.

Sam: What the hell are you talkin’ about, Dean? We’ve been searching for this demon our whole lives. It’s the only thing we’ve ever cared about.

Dean: Sam, I wanna waste it. I do, okay? But it’s not worth dyin’ over.

Sam: What?

Dean: I mean it. If huntin’ this demon means you gettin’ yourself killed, then I hope we never find the damn thing.

Sam: That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.

Dean: You said yourself once….that no matter what we do, they’re gone. And they’re never comin’ back.

Sam: Don’t you say that! Don’t you—not after all this, don’t you say that!

Dean: (emotionally) Sammy, look….the three of us—that’s all we have. And that’s all I have. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely holdin’ it together, man. Without you and Dad….

Devil's Trap [1.22]

Bobby: I know it’s somethin’ big. A storm’s comin’. And you boys, your daddy—you are smack in the middle of it.

Meg: No more crap, okay? I want the Colt, Sam—the real Colt. Right now.

Sam: We don’t have it on us. We buried it.

Meg: Didn’t I say, “No more crap”? I swear, after everything I heard about you Winchesters, I’ve got to tell you, I’m a little underwhelmed. First, Johnny tries to pawn off a fake gun, and then he leaves the real gun with you two chuckleheads. Lackluster, men. I mean, did you really think I wouldn’t find you?

Dean: Actually, we were counting on it. Gotcha.

Dean: Where's our father, Meg?

Meg: You didn't ask very nice.

Dean: Where's our father, bitch?

Meg: Jeez, you kiss your mother with that mouth? Oh, I forgot. You don’t.

John: Killing this demon comes first. Before me, before everything.

Sam: (looks at wounded Dean) No sir. Not before everything.

John (possessed): He’s gonna taste the iron in your blood.

Dean: Let him go, or I swear to God...

John (possessed): What? What are you and God gonna do? You see as far as I’m concerned, this is justice. You know that little exorcism of yours? That was my daughter. The one in the alley? That was my boy. You understand?

Dean: You got to be kidding me.

John (possessed): What? You the only one that can have a family? You destroyed my children. How would you feel if I killed your family? Oh, that’s right, I forgot I did. Still, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Dean: You son of a bitch.

Sam: I wanna know why. Why’d you do it?

John (possessed): You mean why’d I kill mommy and pretty little Jess?

Sam: Yeah

John (possessed): [to Dean] You know I never told you this, but Sam was going to ask her to marry him. Been shopping for rings and everything. You wanna know why? Because they got in the way.

Sam: In the way of what?

John (possessed): My plans for you, Sammy, you, and all the children like you.

Dean: Listen, you mind just getting this over with, because I really can’t stand the monologuing.

John (possessed): Funny, but that’s all part of your MO isn’t it? Mask all that nasty pain, mask the truth.

Dean: Oh yeah? What’s that?

John (possessed): You know you fight, and you fight for this family, but the truth is, they don’t need you, not like you need them. Sam, he’s clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight its more concern than he’s ever shown you.

Dean: I bet you’re real proud of your kids too huh? Oh wait, I forgot, I wasted them.

Sam: [off screen] There's still one bullet left, i mean , we found the demon once, we can- Aaahhhh! [ screams hysterically, flailing his arms]

Dean: [joins in the hysterical screaming and flailing of limbs]

John: [laughs and hits his knee with the script]

Sam: [makes a face at one of the cameras]

In My Time Of Dying [2.1]

Sam: Get back. Or I'll kill you I swear to God.

Possessed Trucker: You won't. You're saving that bullet for someone else.

Sam: (cocks the Colt) You wanna bet?

Dean: (to Sam) Come on, you're the psychic. Give me some ghost whispering or something!

John: Here. (hands Sam a card) Give them my insurance.

Sam: (sceptically) Elroy McGillicuddy?

John: And his two loving sons.

Sam: I'll find some hoodoo priest to lay some mojo on him.

(This is exactly what Dean suggested earlier; Sam had unconsciously heard it)

John: Where's the Colt?

Sam: Your son is dying and you're worried about the Colt?

John: We are hunting this demon, and maybe it's hunting us too. That gun might be our only cover.

Sam: ...it's in the trunk. They towed the car to a yard off of I-83.

Sam: Hey Dad, you know, the demon, he said he had plans for me and the children like me. Do you have any idea what he meant by that?

John: No, I don't.

(Sam leaves the room)

Dean: (to John) Well, you sure know something.

Sam: Oh man, (looking at the Impala) Dean is gonna be pissed.

Bobby: Look, Sam, this just ain't worth a tow. I say we empty the trunk and sell the rest for scrap.

Sam: No, Dean would kill me if we did that. When he gets better he's going to want to fix this.

Bobby: There's nothing to fix. The frame's a pretzel, the engine's ruined... there's barely any parts worth salvaging!

Sam: Listen to me, Bobby: If there's only one working part, that's enough. We're not just going to give up on... (realizes he's no longer talking about the car)

Dean: Come on, Dad. You've got to help me. I've got to get better, I've got to get back in there. You haven't called a soul for help, you haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything, aren't you even going to say anything?! I've done everything you've ever asked me, everything. I've given everything I've ever had. Now you're just going to sit there and watch me die? What the hell kind of father are you?!

John: I have a plan, Sam.

Sam: That's exactly my point!! Dean is dying, and you have a plan!!! You know, you care more about this demon than you do saving your own son!

John: Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this for Dean.

Sam: How? How is revenge gonna help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself- it's the same, selfish obsession!

John: Oh that's funny, y'know what, I thought this was your obsession too! This demon: killed you mother, killed your girlfriend! You begged me to be a part of this hunt! Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would've happened!!

Sam: It was possessing you dad, I would've killed you too!

John: Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now!

Sam: Go to Hell.

(After swiping a glass of water off a table in anger)

Dean: Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!

Tessa: What are you, some kind of New Agey guy?

Dean: (annoyed) You see me messing with crystals and listening to Yanni?

Tessa: I just think, whatever's going to happen is going to happen. It's out of my control; it's just fate.

Dean: That's crap. You always have a choice. You can either roll over and die or you can keep fighting, no matter what.

Sam: Hey. I think maybe you you're around, and if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but, um, there's one way we can talk.

(Sam pulls out a "Mystical Talking Board")

Dean: Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Sam: Dean? Dean, are you here?

Dean: God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party.

Dean: Thanks for not giving up on me Sammy.

(John has just performed the ritual that will summon the demon)

Custodian: The Hell are you doin' down here, buddy?

John: I can explain.

Custodian: Yeah? You're gonna explain to security. C'mon, follow me.

John: Hey. (draws the Colt) How stupid do you think I am.

Custodian: (turns, and his eyes turn yellow) You really want an honest answer to that?

Yellow eyed demon: You, conjuring me, John? I'm surprised. I took you for a lot of things, but suicidally reckless wasn't one of them.

Sam: Dean, are you here? Couldn't find anything in the book. I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on, you can't— you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. Can you hear me?

Dean: There's no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is gonna rot in the ground and my family is gonna die!

Yellow eyed demon: It's very unseemly, making deals with devils.

Yellow eyed Demon: Why John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew, how much their daddy loved them.

Yellow eyed demon: You know the truth, right? About Sammy? And the other children?

John: Yeah. I've known for a while.

Yellow eyed demon: But Sam doesn't, does he? You've been playing dumb.

John: I'm gonna make sure that Dean's okay, with my own eyes.

Yellow eyed demon: Oh, John, I'm offended. Don't you trust me?

John: So we have a deal.

Yellow eyed demon: No, John, not yet. You still need to sweeten the pot.

John: How you feeling, dude?

Dean: Fine I guess. I'm alive.

John: That's what matters.

Sam:: Where were you last night?

John: I had some things to take care of.

Sam:: Well, that's specific.

Dean: Come on, Sam.

Sam:: Did you go after the Demon?

John: No.

Sam:: You know, why don't I believe you right now?

John: Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting I don't even know what we're fighting about. Just butting heads. Look, Sammy I've, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?

Sam: Dad, are you all right?

John: Yeah... I'm just a little tired. Hey Sam, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?

Sam:: Yeah, sure.

Dean: What is it?

John: You know... when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt. And after what I'd seen I'd be...I'd be wrecked. And you... you'd come up to me and put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in they eye and, you'd say 'Its okay, dad.' Dean, I'm sorry.

Dean: Why?

John: You shouldn't have had to say that to me. I should've been saying that to you. I put- I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that. And you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.

Dean: This really you talking?

John: Yeah, it's really me.

Dean: Why you saying this stuff?

John: I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?

Dean: Yeah dad, you know I will. You're scaring me.

John: Don't be scared, Dean.

Everybody Loves A Clown [2.2]

Dean: Stop it, Sam.

Sam: Stop what?

Dean: Stop askin’ if I need anything, stop askin’ if I’m okay. I’m okay. Really. I promise.

Sam: All right. Dean, it’s just…we’ve been at Bobby’s for over a week now and you haven’t brought up Dad once.

Dean: You know what, you’re right. Come here. I’m gonna lay my head gently on your shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug –- maybe even slow dance.

Sam: Before...before he...[He stops, unable to get the words out] Did he say anything to you? About anything?

Dean: [pause] No. Nothin'.

[Dean and Sam are forced to drive a Dodge Caravan while the Impala is still being repaired]

Dean: I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.

Dean: [looking around Harvelle's, the barrel of a rifle is placed against his back] Oh, please let that be a rifle.

Jo: Nah, I'm just real happy to see you.

Sam: So look, if you can help, we could use all the help we can get.

Ellen: Well we can't. But Ash will.

Sam: Who's Ash?

Ellen: ASH!

[A man in a red plaid jacket with a mullet sleeping on the pool table jolts awake]

Ash: What? Closin' time?

Sam: That's Ash?

Jo: Mmm hmm, He's a genius.

[Skips to a discussion at the bar with Ash, John's journal is presented to him]

Dean: Come on, this guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie.

Ash: I like you.

Dean: Thank you.

Ash: There's signs... Omens, if you can track 'em you can track this demon. You know like... crop failures, electrical storms... You ever been struck by lightning? It ain't fun.

Sam: Can you track it or not?

Ash: Yeah, with this, I think so. But it's gonna take time... uh, gimmie... 51 hours

[Ash's hair gets put on topic]

Ash: All business up front...and party in the back!

Dean: I know what you're thinking: why'd it have to be clowns? [reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark "Why'd it have to be snakes"]

Sam: [groans]

'Dean: You thought I'd forget. [laughs] C'mon, you still bust out crying every time Ronald MacDonald comes on the tv.

Sam: At least I'm not afraid of flying.

Dean: Planes crash, Sam!

Sam: And apparently clowns kill!

Dean: Excuse me. We're looking for a Mr. Cooper. Have you seen him around?

Amazing Papazian: What is that? Some kind of joke? [removes his glasses, showing he's blind]

Dean: Oh God, I'm sorry...

Amazing Papazian: You think I wouldn't give my eye teeth to see Mr. Cooper, or a sunset, or anything at all...?

Dean: [Aside, to Sam] You wanna give me a little help here?

Sam: Not really.

Midget Clown: Hey Barry, is there a problem?

Amazing Papazian: Yeah, this guy hates blind people.

Dean: No, no I don't...

Midget Clown: Hey buddy, what's your problem?

Dean: Nothing, it's just a little misunderstanding.

Midget Clown: Little? You son of a bitch...

Dean: No, no, no, I'm just... Can somebody tell me where Mr. Cooper is? Please?

Mr. Cooper: You two have never worked a show in your lives before, have you?

Dean: Nope. But we really need the work. So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.

Dean: Hello?

Sam: Hey, man.

Dean: What’s the matter? You sound like you just saw a clown.

Sam: Very funny.

Dean: I just think it’s really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It’s like, “Oh, what would Dad want me to do?” Sam, you spent your entire life sluggin’ it out with that man. I mean, hell, you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him, and now that he’s dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I’m sorry, Sam, but you can’t. It’s too little, too late.

Sam: Why are you sayin' this to me?

Dean: Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this! I’m dealin’ with Dad’s death! Are you?

[After Dean and Sam return to the roadhouse, Ash emerges from his room]

Ash: Where you guys been? Been waitn' for ya...

Sam: We were working a job, Ash. [Ash looks blankly at Sam] Clowns?

Ash: Clowns? What the f-

Dean: [Interrupting] You got something for us Ash?

[Ash has rigged a laptop to an alarm if any of The Demon's signs appear anywhere in the world]

Sam: Ash Where'd you learn to do all this?

Ash: MIT. Before I got bounced, for fighting.

Sam: MIT?

Ash: It's a school in Boston.

Sam: Oh, yeah. I’ve got to, uh…I’ve got to go…over there…right now. [He leaves.]

Sam: You were right.

Dean: About what?

Sam: About me and Dad. I’m sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I’m sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinkin’ that I hate him. So, you’re right. What I’m doin’ right now - it is too little. It’s too late. [pause] I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. [He is on the verge of tears.] And I’m not all right. Not at all. [pause] But neither are you. That much I know. I’ll let you get back to work. [He leaves.]

Bloodlust [2.3]

[Dean is overjoyed to have his Impala back]

Sam: Look, if you two need time alone, just say so.

Dean: [to the Impala] Don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand us.

Sam: (talking to Dean) Give you a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mr. Sunshine.

Sheriff: What newspaper did you say you worked for?

Dean: World Weekly News.

Sam: Weekly World News.

Dean: World...

Sam: Weekly World News.

Dean: Wor... I'm new.

Sheriff: Get out of my office

Dean: John.

Jeff: Jeff.

Dean: Jeff, I know that. Dr. Dworkin needs to see you in the office.

Jeff: But Dr. Dworkin is on vacation.

Dean: He is back and he is pissed he screaming for you, men so if I were you, I would…

Jeff: Okay

Dean: Okay…Those Satanists in Florida, they marked their victims?

Sam: Yeah. Reverse pentacle on the forehead.

Dean: Yeah…So much F’d up crap happens in Florida.

Dean: All right, Open it.

Sam: You open it.

Dean: Wuss.

Sam: Dean, get me a bucket.

Dean: Find something?

Sam: No, I think I'm going to puke.

Sam: So... we're looking for some people.

Bartender: Sure, its hard to be lonely.

Dean: Did you check out that Barker farm?

Gordon: It’s a bust. Just a bunch of hippy freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone.

Dean: You all right, Sammy?

Sam: Yeah, I'm fine.

Gordon: Well, lighten up a little, Sammy.

Sam: He's the only one who gets to call me that.

Sam: (sighs) Look, I don't want to bring you guys down, I'm just gonna head back to the motel.

Dean: (groans slightly) You sure?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: Hey, Sammy! Remind me to beat that buzz-kill out of you later, alright?

Gordon: You know why I love this life?

Dean: Hmm?

Gordon: It's all black and white. There's no maybe. Find the bad thing, kill it. You see, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. "Is this right, is that wrong?" Not us.

Dean: He was just one of those guys... took some terrible beatings... just kept coming. So you're saying to yourself, he's indestructible, he'll always be around... nothing can kill my Dad. And then just like that...he's gone. Can't talk about this to Sammy--gotta keep my game face on. The truth is I'm not handling it too well.

Sam: I thought you said [Gordon] was a good hunter?

Ellen: Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter is a good psychiatrist.

Dean: And I’m supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam. No, thanks. I’ll go with Gordon.

Sam: Right, because Gordon’s such an old friend. You think I can’t see what this is?

Dean: What are you talking about?

Sam: He’s a substitute of dad, isn’t he? A poor one.

Dean: Shut up, Sam.

Sam: He’s not even close, Dean. Not on his best day.

Dean: You know I’m not gonna talk—

Sam: You slap on his big fake smile but I can see through it. Cause I know how you feel. Dad’s dead, and he left a hole and it hurt so bad you can’t take it. But you can’t just fill that hole with whoever you want to. It’s an insult to his memory.

Dean: Okay. [He turns around and hit Sam.]

Sam: You hit all you want. It won’t change anything.

Eli: Why are we explaining ourselves to him [Sam]?

Lenore: Eli...

Eli: We choke on cattle blood so they don't have to suffer. And tonight, they murdered Conrad. And they celebrated after.

Lenore: Eli, that's enough.

Sam: Yeah, Eli, that's enough!

Dean: You’re good. A monster pain in the ass…but you’re good.

Dean: (to Gordon) I might be like you, and I might not. But you’re the one tied up right now.

Sam: Ready to go, Dean?

Dean: Not yet. (to Gordon) I guess this is goodbye. Well, it’s been real. (punches Gordon right off the chair) Okay, I’m good now. We can go

Dean: Sam.

Sam: Yeah?

Dean: Clock me one.

Sam: What?

Dean: Come on. I won’t even hit you back. Let’s go.

Sam: No.

Dean: Let’s go. You get a freebie. Hit me. Come on.

Sam: You look like you just went 12 rounds with a block of cement, Dean. I’ll take a rain check.

Dean: Think about the hunts we went on, our whole lives.

Sam: Okay.

Dean: What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing? I mean, the way dad raised us- -

Sam: Dean, after what happened to mom, dad did the best he could.

Dean: I know he did. But the man wasn’t perfect. And the way he raised us to hate those things? And, man, I hate them. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn’t even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it.

Sam: You didn’t kill Lenore.

Dean: Well, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her, kill them all.

Sam: Yean, Dean, but you didn’t. And that’s what matters.

Dean: Yeah. And because you’re a pain in my ass.

Sam: I guess I might have to stick around and be a pain in the ass, then.

Dean: Thanks.

Sam: Don’t mention it.

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things [2.4]

Dean: Come on, Sam, I’m begging you. This is stupid.

Sam: Why?

Dean: Going to visit mom’s grave? She doesn’t have a grave. There was no body left after the fire.

Sam: She has a headstone.

Dean: Yeah, put by her uncle, man we’ve never met. So you wanna go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger ? Come on

Sam: Dean, that’s not the point.

Dean: Well, then enlighten me, Sam.

Sam: It’s not about a body or a casket. It’s about her memory, okay? And after dad, it just feels like the right thing to do.

Dean: It’s irrational, is what it is.

Sam: Look, man, no one asked you to come.

Dean: Why don’t we swing by the Roadhouse? We haven’t heard from the demon. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down.

Sam: That’s a good idea. You should. Just drop me off. I’ll hitch a ride, I’ll meet you tomorrow.

Dean: Right. I’ll be stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up. No, thanks.

Television that Sam is watching: [sultry voice] Next on the skin channel, Casa Erotica IV a tale of two Latin beauties...

[Dean enters and Sam quickly turns off the television]

Sam: [off-handedly] Hey. ...What?

Dean: Awkward...

Sam: Okay. So what are you thinking?

Dean: I don’t know, unholy ground, maybe.

Sam: Un…

Dean: What? If something evil happened, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the farm outside Cedar Rapids?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: Could be the sign of a demonic presence. Or the Angela girl’s spirit, if it’s powerful enough.

Dean: Well, don’t get too excited, you might pull something.

Dean: Sam, you bring Dad's death up one more time, I swear...

Sam: Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad, we've lost Mom, I've lost Jessica and now I'm gonna lose you too.

Dean: We better get out of here before the cops come. I hear you, okay? I'm being an ass and I'm sorry. But right now, we got a freaking zombie running around, and we need to figure out how to kill it. Right?

Sam: Our lives are weird, man.

Dean: You're telling me. Come on.

Dean: I'm just not getting an 'angry spirit' vibe from Angela. I have been reading this though. [holds up a pink book]

Sam: You stole the girl's diary?

Dean: Yeah, Sam, and if anything, that girl is a little too nice.

Sam: So what do we do?

Dean: Keep digging, talk to more of her friends.

Sam: You get any names?

Dean: You kiddin' me? I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world.

Dean: We can't just waste 'em with a headshot?

Sam: Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks.

Dean: You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke them?

Sam: No, Dean, I'm telling you there's too much. I mean, there's at least a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them. Some say setting them on fire... uh, one said [flipping through John's journal] ...where is it? Right here. "Feeding their hearts to wild dogs." That's my personal favorite.

Dean: Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.

[Searching Neil's house and finding a heavily bolted door above the stairs to the zombie pen]

Dean: [jokingly] Well, unless this is where he keeps his porn...

[upon finding the empty zombie pen]

Sam: You think Angela's going after somebody?

Dean: [knocking aside a grate to reveal a large hole in the wall leading outside] Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches.

Sam: Look, smartass, she might kill someone. We've got to find her, Dean.

Dean: Yeah. Alright, she, uh... She clipped Matt because he was cheating, right?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: Well, it takes two to, you know... have hardcore sex.

Dean: I've heard of some people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you get the cake!...

Neil: You're crazy.

Dean: Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy?

Dean: What's dead should stay dead.

[repeated line]

Sam: I think she broke my hand.

Dean: You're just too fragile. We'll get it looked at later.

Sam: Did we have to use me as bait?

Dean: I figured you were more her type. She had pretty crappy taste in guys.

Dean: Sam…You and dad…You’re the most important people in my life. And now…I never should’ve come back, Sam. It wasn’t natural. And now look what’s come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that’s it. So tell me. What could you possibly say to make that all right?

Simon Said [2.5]

Sam: So, I’m a freak now?

Dean: You’ve always been a freak.

[Sam knocks on Ash's door, which bears the sign "Dr. Badass is: In/Out"]

Sam: Ash. [knocks again] ...Hey, Ash!

[Dean knocks]

Dean: Hey, Dr. Badass!

[Door opens and Ash is completely naked]

Ash: Sam. Dean. Sam and Dean.

Sam: Hey, Ash... We need your help.

Ash: Well, hell, then, guess I need my pants.

[Ash is searching unsuccessfully for information on the case]

Sam: Alright, try something else for me. Search Guthry for a housefire; it would be 1983, fire's origin would be the baby's nursery, night of the kid's 6th month birthday.

[Ash stares]

Ash: Okay, now that is just weird, man. Why the hell would I be looking for that?

[Sam put a bottle on the counter]

Sam: Because there's a PBR in it for ya.

Ash: Give me 15 minutes.

[Jo puts music on and takes tray of glasses to counter, Dean gives her a look]

Jo: What?

Dean: REO Speedwagon?

Jo: Damn right, REO, Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart.

Dean: He sings it from the hair, there's a difference.

Dean: If I ran off with you, I think your mother might kill me. [gives Ellen a sheepish grin as she glares at him from across the room]

Jo: You're afraid of my mother?

Dean: [turns back to Jo] I think so.

[Dean is singing "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon in the car]

Dean: "And even as I wander, I'm keepin' you in sight/ You're a candle in a window on a cold dark winter's night..."

[Sam appears confused and annoyed]

Dean: [continuing] "And I'm getting closer than I ever thought, I might-"

Sam: [staring at Dean] You're kidding, right?

Dean: I heard the song somewhere; I can't get it out of my head. I don't know, man.

Server: If you want to find him [Andy], try Orchard St. Just look for a van with a barbarian queen painted on the side.

Dean: Barbarian queen?

Server: She's riding a polar bear, it's kinda hard to miss.

Dean: What's wrong?

Sam: Nothing.

Dean: Sam (Baby?!), you look like you’re sucking on a lemon. What’s going on?

Dean: I call do-over.

Sam: What are you, 7?

[Dean and Sam are observing Andy's van from their car]

Dean: I'm sorry, I'm starting to like this dude. That van is sweet.

[Looking through the items in a van]

Dean: And Moby Dick's bong.

Andy: This is a cherry ride.

Dean: Yeah, thanks.

Andy: Man, a ’67. Impala’s best year, if you ask me. This is a serious classic.

Dean: Yeah. You know, I just rebuilt her, too. Can’t let a car like this one go.

Andy: Damn straight. Hey, can I have it?

Dean: Sure, man!

Andy: Sweet! [He gets inside.]

Dean: Hop right in there…there you go.

Andy: Nice! Take it easy.

Dean: All right.

[Sam calls Dean on his cell phone]

Sam: Dean! Andy has the Impala!

Dean: I know! He just sort of asked me for it, and then I let him take it...

Sam: You what?!

Dean: He full-on Obi-waned me! It's mind control, man!

[Upon finding the Impala intact]

Dean: Oh, thank God! I'm sorry baby, I'll never leave you again! At least he left the keys in it.

Sam: Yeah. Real Samaritan, this guy.

Dean: Well, it looks like he can’t work his mojo just by twitchin’ his nose. He’s gotta use verbal commands.

Dean: Argh!!! You know, one day I'd love to just sit down, and eat something that I didn't have to microwave in a Mini-Mart.

Andy: Hey! You think I haven't seen you two? Why are you following me?

Sam: Well, we're lawyers. See, a relative of yours has passed...

Andy: [Interupting.] Tell the truth.

Sam: That's what I'm...

Dean: We hunt demons.

Andy: What?

Sam: [Shocked.] Dean!

Dean: Demons, spirits, things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother...

Sam: Dean! Shut up!

Dean: I'm trying. He's psychic, kinda like you. Well, not really like you, but see he thinks you're a murderer and he's afraid that he's gonna become one himself because you're all part of something that's terrible and I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.

[After the boys determine Andy to be innocent, Andy and Sam are discussing their abilities]

Andy: You get visions... of people about to die? [Sam nods] ...That's impossible.

Sam: A lot of people would say the same thing about what you do.

Andy: [Pause] But death visions? Dude, that sucks.When I got my mind thing, it was like a gift, you know? It was like I won the lotto.

Sam: But you still live in a van. I don’t get it. I mean, you could have anything you ever wanted.

Andy: I’ve got everything I need.

Sam: So, you’re really not a killer, huh?

Andy: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.

Sam: That’s good. It means there’s hope for both of us.

Office Clerk: Probably shouldn't have let you kids in here...

Andy: No, it will all be fine. Just go get a cup of coffee, alright? 'These aren't the droids you're looking for.'

Dean: Awesome.

[Reviewing county birth records]

Sam: Andy, it's true. Holly Beckett was your birth mother.

Andy: Does anyone have a Vicodin?

Sam: Dr. Jennings was her doctor too... I mean, he oversaw the adoption. You have a solid connection to both of them.

Andy: Yeah, but I didn't kill them.

Dean: We believe you. But who did?

Sam: I think I've got a pretty good guess. Holly Beckett gave birth to twins.

Andy: [Holding his head, awestruck] I have an evil twin...

[Speaking with his "evil twin", Webber]

Andy: Are you really this stupid? You learn you've got a twin: You call him up, you go out for a drink! You don't start killing people!

Sam: Dean, you should stay back.

Dean: No argument here. I’ve had my head screwed with enough for one day.

Ellen: You mind your tone with me, boy. This isn’t just your war, this is war. Now, something big and bad is coming, and it’s coming fast, and their side holds all the cards. Now, at best, all we’ve got is us, together. No secrets or half-truths here.

No Exit [2.6]

Dean: Young girl got kidnapped by an evil cult.

Sam: Yeah, and does this girl have a name?

Dean: Katie Holmes.

Sam: That's funny... and for you, so bitchy.

Dean: We rarely drink before 10, anyway.

Jo: [impatiently holds out a case file] Take it, it won't bite.

Dean: No, but your mom might.

Dean: What the hell are you doing here?

Jo: There you are, honey. [She walks over to him and puts her arm around his waist.] This is my boyfriend, Dean, and his buddy, Sam.

Ed: [shaking their hands] Good to meet you. Quite a gal you’ve got here.

Dean: Oh, yeah, she’s a pistol. [He chuckles.]

Jo: So, did you already check out the apartment? [He doesn’t answer.] The one for rent?

Dean: Y-yeah, yes. Loved it. Great flow.

Ed: How’d you get in?

Dean: It was open.

Jo: Now, Ed, when did the last tenant move out?

Ed: Oh, about a month ago. Cut and run, too. Stiffed me for the rent.

Jo: [laughing] Well, her loss, our gain. ‘Cause if Dean-o loves it, that’s good enough for me.

Dean: Oh, sweetie. [He hits her on the back.]

Jo: [handing Ed a wad of cash] We’ll take it.

Dean: Hunters don't tip that well.

Jo: well they ain't good at poker either.

Dean: That’s ectoplasm. Well, Sam, I think I know what we’re dealing with here. [beat] It’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Jo:(to Dean) would you sit down please?!

Dean: (after saying something to Jo) would you put the knife down?!

Jo: So you gonna buy me dinner?

Dean: What are you talking about?

Jo: It’s just if you’re gonna ride me this close, it’s only decent you buy me dinner.

Dean: Oh, that’s hilarious.

Dean: Jo, you’ve got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me on this when I was so young, I wish I could do something else.

Jo: You love the job.

Dean: Yeah, but I’m a little twisted.

Jo: You don’t think I’m a little twisted, too?

Dean: Jo, you’ve got a mother that worries about you, who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don’t throw things like that away. They might be hard to find later.

Dean: Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.

Jo: What?

Dean: Uh, the, um, pipes, they need cleaning.

Jo: [hits Dean] Shut up!

Dean: (answers the phone) Yeah.

Ellen: You lied to me. She's there.

Dean: Ellen.

Ellen: No, Ash told me everything. The man's a genius, but he folds like a cheap suit. Now you put my damn daughter on the phone.

Dean: She's gonna have to call you back, she taking care of... feminine business.

Ellen: Yeah, right. Where is she? Where is she?!?

Dean: Look, we'll get her back.

Ellen: Get her back? Back from what?

Dean: The spirit we're hunting, it took her.

Ellen: Oh my God.

Dean: She'll be okay, I promise.

Ellen: You promise. That is not the first time I've heard that from a Winchester.

Sam: So, is this as glamorous as you thought it would be?

Jo: Except for all the pee-your-pants scares, yeah.

Jo: You ripped off a cement truck?

Dean: I'll give it back.

The Usual Suspects [2.7]

Sam: We saw the second-largest ball of twine in the continental U.S. Awesome.

Ballard: Sam, you seem like a good kid. It’s not your fault Dean’s your brother. We can’t pick our family.

Krause: I'm with the public defenders office. I'm your lawyer.

Dean: Oh, thank God. I'm saved

[Sam calls his public defender Matlock minutes after Dean gives him the same comment]

Lawyer: [surprised] You really are brothers, aren't you?

Dean: What do you think, Scully, want to check it out?

Sam: I'm not Scully, you're Scully.

Dean: No, I'm Mulder. You're a red-headed woman.

Sam: Anthony Gyles' body was found right about here. (reads) "Throat slit so deep, part of his spinal cord was visible."

Dean: (whistles) What do you think? Vengeful spirit, underline "vengeful"?

Dean: My name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone.

Sheridan: You murdered them in cold blood just like that girl in St. Louis.

Dean: Oh, yeah, that wasn't me either. That was a shapeshifter creature that only looked like me.

[Ballard comes in to Dean's interrogation room]

Dean: Can we make this quick? I'm a little tired. It's been a long day, you know, with your partner assaulting me and all.

Ballard: I wanna know more about that stuff you were talking about earlier.

Dean: Time Life. "Mysteries of the Unknown". Look it up.

Sam: This is bothering me.

Diana: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Sam: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty much par for the course, actually.

Diana: How did you get those? Those are from crime scenes and booking photos.

Sam: You have your job, I have mine.

Sam: Wow, I'd say we've officially crossed over into weird.

Krause: Do you understand how serious these charges are?

Dean: I’m handcuffed to a table. Yeah, I get it. Humor me.

Dean: Pee break? So soon? I think you might wanna get your prostate checked.

Sheridan:(talking about Dean) We can pin the whole thing on him. No trial, nothing, just one more dead scum bag.

Dean: Hey!

Ballard: Unless... I just happened to turn my back, you walked away, I could tell them the suspects escaped.

Sam: Wait, are you sure?

Dean: Yes, she’s sure, Sam!

Sam: Nice lady.

Dean: Yeah, for a cop. Did she look familiar to you?

Sam: No, why?

Dean: I don’t know. Anyway, are you hungry?

Sam: No.

Dean: For some reason, I could really go for some pea soup.

Crossroad Blues [2.8]

Sam: So much for a low profile. You've got a warrant in St. Louis, and now you're officially in the Feds' database.

Dean: Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something.

Sam: Dean, it's not funny. Makes the job harder. We've got to be more careful now.

Dean: Well, what have they got on you?

Sam: I'm sure they just...haven't posted it yet.

Dean: Wait - no accessory, nothing?

Sam: Shut up.

Dean: [laughs] You're jealous.

Sam: No, I'm not!

Dean: Uh-huh. All right, what have you got on the case there, you innocent, harmless young man, you?

Sam: Whatever they are, they're big, nasty...

Dean: Yeah, I bet they could hump the crap out of your leg. Look at that one, huh? [chuckles] What? They could!

Sam: So?

Dean: The secretary's name is Carly. She's 23, she kayaks, and they're real.

Sam: You didn't happen to ask her if she's seen any black dogs lately, did you?

Dean: Every complaint called in this week about everything big, black or dog-like. There's 19 calls in all. And I don't know what this thing is.

Sam: You mean Carly's MySpace address?

Dean: Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? [Sam laughs] Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?

Sam: We’ve got to find out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.

Dean: Great. So, we’ve got to clean up these people’s mess for them? I mean, they’re not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play “Let’s Make a Deal.”

Sam: So, what, we should just leave them to die?

Dean: Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and try to save them?

Dean: This house probably isn't up next on MTV Cribs, is it?

Sam: Yeah, so whatever kind of deal he made...

Dean: ...it wasn't for cash. Aw, who knows? Maybe his place is full of babes in Princess Leia bikinis.

Dean: So, what is that stuff out front?

George: Goofer dust. [SAM and DEAN exchange a look.] Oh, you boys think you know somethin’ about somethin’ but not goofer dust? [He tosses a bag of the dust to DEAN.]

Dean: Well, we know a little about a lot of things. Just enough to make us dangerous.

Dean: You did it to save her?

Evan: She had cancer, they had stopped treatment, they were moving her into hospice. They kept saying, “Matter of days.” So, yeah, I made the deal. And I’d do it again. I’d have died for her on the spot.

Dean: Did you ever think about her in all this?

Evan: I did this for her.

Dean: You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself…so you wouldn’t have to live without her. But, guess what, she’s gonna have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul? How do you think she’d feel?

Dean: So you know who I am.

Demon: I get the newsletter.

Dean: Shut your mouth, bitch.

Demon: You're lucky I have a soft spot for lost puppies and long faces.

[The Demon tries to convince Dean to sell his soul]

Dean: You think you could...throw in a set of steak knives?

[The Demon kisses Dean.]

Dean: What the hell was that for?

Demon: Sealing the deal.

Dean: You know, I usually like to be warned before I'm violated with demon tongue.

Dean: Why did he do it?

Sam: He did it for you.

Dean: Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that?

Sam: Hey Dean, when you were trapping that demon, you weren't...I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never actually considered making that deal, right?

Dean: [doesn't answer]

Croatoan [2.9]

Dean: Well, I’m sure I had a good reason.

Sam: I sure hope so.

Dean: What does that mean? [SAM doesn’t answer.] Sam, I’m not gonna waste an innocent man. [No answer.] I wouldn’t!

Sam: I never said you would!

Dean: Fine.

Sam: Fine. Look, we don’t know what it is. But whatever it is, that guy in the chair’s a part of it. So, let’s find him and see what’s what.

Dean: Fine.

Sam: Fine.

Sam: Didn't you pay any attention in school?

Dean: Yeah. The shot heard ‘round the world, how bills become laws…

Sam: That's not school! That's Schoolhouse Rock!

Dean: ....Whatever.

Dean: Line’s dead. I’ll tell you one thing – if I was gonna massacre a town, that’d be my first step.

Dean: That was a little creepy, right? A little too Stepford?

Sam: Big time.

Sam: What do you think? Multiple demons? Mass possession?

Dean: If it is a possession, there could be more. God knows how many. It could be like a friggin’ Shriner Convention.

Sam: Great.

Dean: ‘Course, that’s one way to wipe out a town. You take it from the inside.

Sam: I don’t know, man. We didn’t see any of the demon smoke with Tanner, or any of the other usual signs.

Dean: Well, whatever. I mean, something turned him into a monster. And you know, if you would have taken out the other one, there’d be one less to worry about.

Sam: I’m sorry, all right? I hesitated, Dean, it was a kid.

Dean: No, it was an “it”. Not the best time for a bleeding heart, Sam.

Dean: I’m gonna go down there, see if I can find some help. My partner’ll stick around, keep you guys safe.

Dr. Lee: Safe from what?

Dean: We’ll get back to you on that.

Man: Say, why don’t you get out of the car and we’ll talk a little.

Dean: Well, you are a handsome devil, but I don't swing that way, sorry.

Sergeant: What's going on with everybody?

Dean: I don't know.

Sergeant: My neighbor... Mr. Rodgers, h-

Dean: You've got a neighbor named Mr. Rodgers?

Sergeant: Not anymore.

Dean: Well this ought to be a relaxing drive.

Duane: Has anyone seen my mom and dad?

Dean: (has shot and killed both) Awkward.

Dean: For what? For him to Hulk out? Infect somebody else? No, thanks, can’t take that chance. [SAM stops him from leaving.] Look, man, I’m not happy about this, okay? But it’s a tough job and you know that.

Sam: It’s supposed to be tough, Dean! We’re supposed to struggle with this, that’s the whole point!

Dean: What does that buy us?

Sam: A clear conscience, for one.

Dean: It’s too late for that.

Sam: What the hell has happened to you?

Dean: What?

Sam: You might kill an innocent man, and you don’t even care! You don’t act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what? You’re acting like one of those things out there.

Dean: Mm-hmm. [He pushes SAM out of his way. He leaves the room, locking the door behind him.]

Dean: Doctor, check his wound again, would you? [She doesn’t move.] Doctor!

Sergeant: What does she need to examine it for? You saw what happened.

Dr. Lee: Did her blood actually enter your wound?

Sergeant: Come on, of course it did!

Dean: We don’t know that for sure!

Duane: We can’t take a chance!

Sergeant: You know what we have to do.

Dean: Nobody is shooting my brother

Duane: He’s not gonna be your brother much longer. You said it yourself.

Dean: Nobody’s shooting anybody.

Duane: You were gonna shoot me!

Dean: You will shut your pie hole, I still might!

Sam: Dean, they’re right. I’m infected. Just give me the gun and I’ll do it myself.

Dean: Forget it.

Sam: Dean, I’m not gonna become one of those things.

Dean: Sam, we’ve still got some time—

Sergeant: Time for what? Look, I understand he’s your brother, and I’m sorry. I am. [He takes out his gun.] But I’ve gotta take care of this.

Dean: I’m gonna say this one time. You make a move on him, you’ll be dead before you hit the ground, you understand me? Do I make myself clear?!

Sam: Dean!

Sergeant: Then what are we supposed to do?! [DEAN pauses a long time before tossing his car keys to the SERGEANT.]

Dean: Get the hell outta here, that’s what. Take my car. You’ve got the explosives, there’s an arsenal in there, you two go with them. You’ve got enough firepower to handle anything now.

Sergeant: What about you? [DEAN gives him a knowing look.]

Sam: Dean, no. No. Go with them. This is your only chance.

Dean: No, you’re not gonna get rid of me that easy.

Sergeant: He’s right, man. Come with us! [DEAN gives him another look.] Okay, here’s your funeral. [The two of them leave. DR. LEE goes to leave also.]

Dean: Actually, we're not really marshals.

Doctor: [looks wearily from Sam to Dean] Okay.

Dean: I wish we had a deck of cards or a foosball table or something.

Sam: Dean, don’t do this. Just get the hell out of here.

Dean: No way.

Sam: Give me my gun…and leave.

Dean: For the last time, Sam no.

Sam: This is the dumbest thing you've ever done.

Dean: I don't know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa? (shudders)

Sam: Dean, I’m sick. It’s over for me. It doesn’t have to be for you.

Dean: No?

Sam: No, you can keep going.

Dean: Who says I want to?

Sam: What? [DEAN sits down and pauses before talking.]

Dean: I’m tired, Sam. I’m tired of this job, this life. This weight on my shoulders, man, I’m tired of it.

Sam: So, what? So, you’re just gonna give up? I mean, you’re just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know the stuff with Dad—

Dean: You’re wrong. It’s not about that. I mean, part of it is, sure, but—

Sam: What is it about?

Dean: I don’t know, man. I just think maybe we oughta…go to the Grand Canyon.

Sam: What?

Dean: Yeah, you know, all this driving back and forth, cross-country. You know I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon? Or we could go to T.J. Or Hollywood, see if we can bang Lindsay Lohan.

Sam: Dean, you're my brother, alright? So whatever you're carrying, let me help a little bit.

Dean: Right before dad died, he told me something. He told me something about you.

Sam: What? Dean, what did he tell you?

Dean: I can't tell you. I promised.

Hunted [2.10]

Dean: Before Dad died…he told me something. Something about you.

Sam: What? Dean, what did he tell you?

Dean: He said that he…he wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you.

Sam: He told you that a million times.

Dean: No, this time was different. He said that I had to…save you.

Sam: Save me from what?

Dean: He just said that I had to save you. Nothing else mattered. And if I couldn’t, I’d…

Sam: You’d what, Dean?

Dean: I’d have to kill you. [SAM looks at him, confused.] He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.

Sam: Kill me? [His eyes well up with tears.] What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Dean: I don’t know.

Sam: I mean, he must’ve had some kind of reason for saying it, right? Did he know the demon’s plans for me? Am I supposed to go dark-side or something?! What else did he say, Dean

Dean: Nothing. That’s it, I swear.

Sam: How could you not have told me this?!

Dean: Because he was dead and he begged me not to.

Sam: Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself, Dean! You had no right to keep this from me!

Dean: You think I wanted this? Huh? I wish to God he’d never opened his mouth! And I wouldn’t have to walk around with this screaming in my head all day!

Sam: [after a long pause] We’ve just gotta figure out what’s going on then, what the hell all this means.

Dean: We do? I’ve been thinking about this, I think we should just lay low, you know? At least for a while. It’d be safer. And that way, I could make sure…

Sam: What? That I don’t turn evil? That I don’t turn into some kind of killer?

Dean: I never said that.

Sam: Jeez, if you’re not careful, you will have to waste me one day, Dean.

Dean: I never said that! Damn it, Sam, this whole thing is spinning out of control! You’re immune to some weirdo demon virus, and I don’t even know what the hell anymore. And you’re pissed at me, and I get it. That’s fine, I deserve it. But we lay low until we figure out our next move, okay?

Sam: Forget it.

Dean: Sam, please, man. [He grabs SAM’S shoulder.] Hey, please. Just give me some time. Give me some time to think, okay, I’m begging you here. Please…please. [SAM nods.]

Ash: And one other name, Scott Kerry.

Sam: What, you got an address?

Ash: Sort of. The Arbor Hills Cemetery in Lafayette, Indiana. Plot 486.

Ellen: Now, Dean, they say you can’t protect your loved ones forever. Well, I say screw that-- what else is family for?

Ava: (to Sam) Why can’t you just leave town, please? Before you blow up!

Ava: Oh, my god!!

Shrink: What? [looks behind]

Ava: (to shrink) Uh, I just remembered, when I was a kid I swallowed, like, 8 things of pop rocks and then drank a whole can of coke. You don’t think that that counts as a suicide attempt, do you?

Sam: Are you okay?

Ava: Am I okay? I just helped you steal some dead guy's confidential file. I'm AWESOME!

Dean: (seeing Sam through motel window) Thank God you’re okay. (sees Ava with Sam) Oh, you’re better than okay. Sam, you sly dog!

Sam: These are .223 Caliber, subsonic rounds, the guy must've put a suppressor on the rifle.

Ava: Dude, who are you?

Sam: I ah...I just I...I just watch a lot of TJ Hooker.

Dean: Real funky town. You ditched me Sammy!

Gordon: What, you think this is revenge?

Dean: Well we did leave you tied up in your own mess for three days. (snickers) Which was awesome. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.

Dean: Well, you son of a bitch.

Gordon: (slaps him) That's my momma you're talking about.

Dean: (chuckles) This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.

Dean: Come on, man, I know Sam, okay, better than anyone. He’s got more of a conscience than I do. The guy feels guilty surfing the Internet for porn.

Dean: (off screen) [the chair he's sitting on breaks] I'M FREE!

Gordon: Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.

Sam: It’s Sam.

Sam: All right, so where to next, man?

Dean: One word, Amsterdam.

Sam: Dean!

Dean: Come on, man. I hear the coffee shops don’t even serve coffee

Sam: Anonymous tip.

Dean: You're a fine, upstanding citizen, Sam.

Dean: Well, Gordon should be reaching for the soap for the next few years at least.

Sam: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean I ran all the way to California, and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

Dean: I can try.

Sam: Thanks for that.

Sam: So if you really want to watch my back, I guess you’re going to have to stick around.

Dean: Bitch.

Sam: Jerk.

Dean: What’s the point of saving the world if you can’t get a little nookie once in a while, huh?

Dean: Dude, you ever take off like that again...

Sam: What? You'd kill me?

Dean: That is so not funny.

Playthings [2.11]

Dean: Dude, this is sweet! I never get to work jobs like this.

Sam: Like what?

Dean: Old-school haunted houses. Secret passageways, sissy British accents. We might even get to run into Fred and Daphne while we're inside. Mmm, Daphne...love her.

Susan: Well, congratulations. You could be some of our final guests.

Dean: That sounds vaguely ominous.

Susan: Let me guess. You guys are here antiquing?

Dean: How'd you know?

Susan: Oh, you just look the type. So, uh, a king-size bed?

Sam: What?! No, uh no, we're... Two singles. We're just brothers.

Susan: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry.

Dean: What'd you mean that we look the type?

Dean: Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?

Sam: Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.

Dean: (uncomfortable chuckle) Right.

Dean: Hey, are those antique dolls? ‘Cause this one, this one here, he has a major doll collection back home. (grins at Sam) Don’t ya?

Sam: (reluctantly) Big time.

Dean: Big time. Ueah, you think he could come…well, we could come in and take a look?

Susan: I don’t know…

Dean: Please? Please, I mean he loves them. He’s not gonna tell you this, but he’s always dressing ‘em up in these little tiny outfits and I mean, you’d make his day. She would, huh?

Sam: (glaring at Dean) It’s true.

Dean: Wow! This is a lotta dolls. Er, they're nice, they're not super-creepy at all...

Sam: You're bossy.

Dean: What?

Sam: You're bossy... and short. (laughs)

Dean: Are you drunk?

Sam: Yeah! So? ...stupid.

Sam: I can still taste the Tequila.

Dean: (as Sam is leaning over the toilet) You know there's a really good hangover remedy, it's a greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ashtray.

Sam: (groaning) I hate you.

Dean: I know you do.

Dean: Hey, it turns out when Grandma Rose was a tyke, she had a Creole nanny who wore a hoodoo necklace.

Sam: So you think she taught Rose hoodoo?

Dean: Yes I do.

Sam: All right. (gets up from toilet bowl, sighing heavily) I think it's time that we talked to Rose then.

Dean: (groans in disgust) You can brush your teeth first.

Sam: This woman's had a stroke.

Dean: Yeah, but hoodoo's hands-on...

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: ...you gotta mix herbs, and chant, and build an altar.

Sam: So it can't be Rose. Heck, maybe it's not even hoodoo.

Dean: You know, she could be faking.

Sam: Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? (Dean nods) Dude, you are not gonna poke her with a stick!

Susan: What the hell happened out there?

Dean: You want the truth?

Susan: Of course.

Dean: Well at first we thought it was some kind of hoodoo curse. But that out there, was definitely a spirit.

Susan: You're insane.

Dean: That's been said.

Susan: I don't believe this.

Dean: Listen, sister, that car didn't try to run you down by itself, okay? I mean I guess it did, technically, but if a spirit can... forget it.

Dean: (to Sam) You get online, check old obits, freak accidents, that sort of thing. See if she’s whacked anybody before.

Sam: Right.

Dean: Don’t go surfing porn, that’s not the kind of whacking I mean.

Dean: I just figured after Ava, there'd be more angst, more droopy music, and staring out the rainy windows (glare from Sam). Okay, I'll shut up now.

Sam: Look, I'm the one who told her to go back home. Now her fiancé's dead and some demon's taken her off to God-knows-where. We've been looking for a month now. So I'm not giving up on her, but I'm not going to let other people die, either. We've gotta save as many people as we can.

Dean: Wow, that attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now. Thank you.

Dean: Feels good getting back in the saddle, doesn't it?

Sam: Yeah. Yeah, it does. But it doesn't change what we talked about last night, Dean.

Dean: (evasive) We talked about a lotta things last night.

Sam: You know what I mean.

Dean: You were wasted.

Sam: But you weren't. And you promised.

Night Shifter [2.12]

Dean: Well, thanks, Frannie, I think that's all I need.

Frannie: Really? I mean, 'cause I've got more. You know, if you wanted to interview me some time, in private...?

Dean: Yeah... Yeah, I think that's a good idea. You're a true patriot, you really are. Why don't you write your number down there for me, that'd be good.

Dean: Frigging cops.

Sam: They're just doing their job.

Dean: No, they're doing our job. Only they don't know it, so they suck at it.

Ronald: The thing I let into the bank... wasn't Juan. I mean, it had his face, but it wasn't his face. Ah, every detail was perfect but too perfect, you know, like if a dollmaker made it, like I was talking to a big Juan doll.

Sam: A Juan doll?

Ronald: Part man, part machine. Like the Terminator but the kind that can change itself. Make itself look like other people.

Dean: Like from T2.

Ronald: Exactly. See, so not just a robot. More of a ‘'mandroid ‘'.

Sam: A mandroid ?

Dean: Man, that has got to be the kicker, straight up. You tell that poor son of a bitch that - - What did you say ? Remand the tapes he copied ? Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation ? That's messed up.

Sam: What, are you pissed at me or something ?

Dean: No, I just think it's creepy how good of a fed you are. Come on, we could at list thrown the guy a bone. He did some pretty good legwork here.

Sam: [laugh] Mandroid?

Dean: Except for the mandroid part. I liked him. He's not that different from you and me. People think we're crazy.

Sam: Yeah, except he's not a hunter Dean. He's just a guy who stumbled onto something real. If he went up against this, he'd get torn apart. Better to stay in the dark and stay alive.

Dean: Yeah, I guess.

Sam: Shapeshifter. Just like back at St. Louis. Same retinal reaction to video.

Dean: Eyes flare at the camera. I hate those freaking things.

Sam: You think I don't?

Dean: Well yeah, but one didn't turn into you and frame you for murder.

Dean: I like him [the security guard], he says 'okey-dokey'.

Sam: What if he's the shifter?

Dean: We follow him home, put a silver bullet in his chest.

Dean: Looks like Mr. Okey-dokey is... okey-dokey.

Ronald: This is not a robbery! Everybody on the floor, now!

Dean: (getting on the ground) Well, that makes a lot of sense.

Dean: And you said we souldn't bring guns.

Sam: I didn't know this was gonna happen, Dean.

Dean: Yeah, just let me do the talking. I don't think he likes you, Agent Johnson.

Ronald: I knew it. As soon as you two left. You ain't FBI. Who are you ? Who are you working for ? The Men in Black ? You working for the mandroid ?

Sam: We're not working for the mandroid.

Ronald: You shut up ! I ain't talking to you, I don't like you !

Sam: Fair enough.

Dean: I'm not just gonna walk in here naked!

Sherri: (about Dean) Who is that man?

Sam: He’s my brother.

Sherri: He is so brave! (Sam rolls eyes)

Ronald: It's so weird. Its robot skin is so lifelike.

Dean: Okay, let's get something straight. It's not a mandroid. It's a shape-shifter.

Ronald: Shape-shifter ?

Dean: Yeah. It's human. More or less. Has human drives. In this case, it's money. But it generates its own skin. Shape it to match someone else's features. You know. Tall or short, male - -

Ronald: So, it kills someone and takes their place ?

Dean: Kills or doesn't. I don't think it matters. [Taking a knive on the desk.]

Ronald: What are you doing ?

Dean: Nice. Remember the old werewolf stories ? Pretty much came from these guys. Silver is the only thing I've seen that hurts them. Come on, Ronald.

Lt. Robarts: (about the Feds taking over the situation) Let me guess. You’re lead dog now, but you would just love my full cooperation.

Hendrickson: I don’t give a rat’s ass what you do. You can go get a donut and bang your wife for all I care.

Sherri: Oh my god! You saved us. You saved us!

Dean: Actually, I just found a few more. C'mon everybody, let's go, let's go. (pushes more hostages in)

Dean:Ron!!! Out of the light.

Hendrickson: I want Sam and you out here unarmed, or we come in. And, yes I know about Sam too -- Bonnie to your Clyde.

Dean: Yeah, well, that parts true, but how'd you even know we were here?

Hendrickson: Go screw yourself. That's how I knew.

Dean: My dad was a hero.

Hendrickson: Yeah right.

Dean: Are you nuts?

Ronald: That’s just it, I’m not nuts. I mean, I was so scared that I was losing my marbles, but this is real! I mean, I was right! Except for the mandroid thing, thank you.

Dean: Yeah, don’t mention it.

Dean: Is that community theater or are you naturally like this?

Dean: We are so screwed.

Houses of the Holy [2.13]

Sam: So, no disturbances lately?

Gloria: You mean am I stark raving cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

Sam: And this angel…

Gloria: Spoke God’s word.

Sam: And the word was… to kill someone?

Dean: Man, you have got to try this because there really is magic in the magic fingers.

Sam: Dude. You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.

Sam: She's living in a locked ward, and she's totally at peace.

Dean: Oh yeah, you're right. Sounds completely sane.

Dean: You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!

Sam: Wait. there's no such thing as unicorns?

Dean: That's cute.

Dean: I’m just saying, man, there’s some legends that you just file under “Bull Crap”.

Sam: And you’ve got angels on the “Bull Crap” list?

Dean: Yep.

Sam: Why?

Dean: Because I’ve never seen one.

Sam: So what?

Dean: So, I believe in what I can see.

Sam: Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn’t even dream about.

Dean: Exactly, with our own eyes. That’s hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don’t you think that if they existed, that we would have crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? No. This is a demon or a spirit. They find people a few fries short of a Happy Meal and they trick them into killing these randoms.

Dean: Well, I learned a valuable lesson. Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Years, or you might get fileted by hooker from God. HA!

Sam: I’m laughing on the inside.

Dean: Did you bring quarters? (Sam glances at the timer)

Sam: Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those sick lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.

Dean: What are you talkin' about, I eat!

Father Reynolds: So, you're interested in joining parish?

Dean: Yeah, well you know, we just don't feel right unless we hit church every Sunday.

Father Reynolds: So where'd you say you lived before?

Sam: Uh...

Dean: (interrupting) Freedmont, Texas.

Father Reynolds: Really? That's a nice town. St. Theresa's parish. You must know the priest there.

Dean: Sure, yeah... no, it's Father... O'Malley.

Father Reynolds: I know a Father Shaughnessy.

Dean: Shaughnessy. Exactly...what did I say?

Dean: Look, I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a skeptic. But since when are you all Mr. 700 Club? Seriously, from the get-go, you’ve been willing to buy this angel crap, man. What's next, you're going to start praying everyday?

Sam: I do pray.

Dean: What?

Sam: I do pray everyday, I have for a long time.

Dean: Things you learn about a guy.

Sam: Dean, I saw an angel! (Dean offers him flask) I don’t want a drink.

Sam: It appeared before me and I just... this feeling washed over me. Like peace. Like grace.

Dean: Okay, ecstasy boy. Maybe we’ll get you some glow sticks and a nice Dr. Seuss hat.

Sam: Dean, the angel hasn’t been wrong yet! Someone’s gonna do something awful, and I can stop it!

Dean: You know, you’re supposed to be bad, too, Sam. Maybe I should just stop you right now.

Sam: You know what, Dean, I don’t understand! Why can’t you even consider the possibility?

Dean: What, that this is an angel?

Sam: Yes! Maybe we’re hunting an angel here, and we should stop! Maybe this is God’s will!

Dean: Okay, all right. You know what? I get it. You’ve got faith. Hey, good for you. I’m sure it makes things easier. I’ll tell you who else had faith like that –- Mom. She used to tell me when she’d tuck me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me.

Sam: You never told me that.

Dean: What’s to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There’s no higher power, there’s no God. There’s just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere. It rips you to shreds. So, you want me to believe in this stuff? I’m gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any?

Dean: We’ll summon Gregory’s spirit.

Sam: What? Here, in the church?

Dean: Yeah. We just need a few odds and ends, and that séance ritual in Dad’s journal.

Sam: Ha! A séance, great. I hope Whoopi’s available.

Dean: If Father Gregory's spirit is around, the séance will bring him right to us. If it's him, we'll put him to rest.

Sam: What if it's an angel? It won't show, nothing will happen.

Dean: Exactly. It's one of the perks of the job, Sam, we don't have to operate on faith. We can know for sure. Don't you want to know for sure?

Sam: Dude, all right, I'll admit, we've gone pretty ghetto with spellwork before, but this takes the cake! I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!

Dean: We'll just put it Spongebob-side down.

Father Reynolds: What are you doing? What is this?

Sam: Father, please, I can explain. Um... actually, maybe I can’t. Um, this is, uh, a séance.

Father Reynolds: A séance? Young man, you are in a house of God!

Sam: It’s based on early Christian rites if that helps any.

Father Reynolds: You are not an angel, Thomas. Men cannot be angels.

Father Reynolds: I prayed for God’s help, not this. What you’re doing is not God’s will. Thou shalt not kill. That’s the word of God.

Sam: I don’t know, Dean, I just, uh, I wanted to believe so badly. It’s so damned hard to do this, what we do. All alone, you know. And…there’s so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up…

Dean: Yeah, well, don’t worry about that, all right? I’m watching out for you.

Sam: Yeah, I know you are. But you’re just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching too, you know? Some higher power, some greater good. And that maybe I…

Dean: Maybe what?

Sam: Maybe I could be saved.

Sam: Dean, what did you see?

Dean: I don't know, maybe... God's will.

Born Under A Bad Sign [2.14]

Sam: I don’t think it’s my blood.

Dean: Whose is it?

Sam: I don’t know.

Dean: Sam, what the hell happened?

Sam: Dean…I don’t remember anything.

Sam: What’d you find out?

Dean: You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora. Of course, I think the scariest part about this whole thing is the fact that you’re a Bon Jovi fan.

Dean: Oh, please tell me you didn’t steal this.

Dean: You getting any goose bumps yet? God-this-looks-familiar, déjà vu vibes?

Dean: This guy? (to Sam) You were drinking malt liquor?

Clerk: Not after he whipped the bottle at my friggin’ head!

Dean: This guy?

Clerk: What, am I speaking Urdu?...

Clerk: Why don’t you ask him?

Dean: ‘Cause I’m asking you. Now, please, you’d be doing me a huge favor, okay?

Clerk: Oh, do you a favor? Well, that is what I live for.

Dean: You saw (Sam) smoking?

Clerk: Yeah, guy’s a chimney.

Dean: What’s going on with you, Sam? Hm? ‘Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people –- that sounds more like me than you.

Dean: You never told me this.

Sam: I didn’t want to scare you.

Dean: Well, bang up job on that.

Dean: No one can control you but you.

Sam: It sure doesn’t seem like that, Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely, I’m just becoming—

Dean: What?

Sam: Who I’m meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean. I’ve gotta face up to who I am.

Dean: I didn’t mean this!

Sam: But it’s still true! You know that! Dad knew that, too! That’s why he told you if it ever came to this—

Dean: Shut up, Sam!

Sam: Dean, you promised him. You promised me.

Dean: No. Listen to me. We’re gonna figure this out, okay? I mean, there’s gotta be a way, right?

Sam: Yeah, there is. [He takes his gun from his bag and holds it out to DEAN.] I don’t wanna hurt anyone else. I don’t wanna hurt you.

Dean: You won’t. Whatever this is…you can fight it.

Sam: No. I can’t. Not forever. [He begins to tear up.] Here, you’ve gotta do it. [He puts the gun in DEAN’s hand, crying.]

Dean: You know, I’ve tried so hard to keep you safe.

Sam: I know. [DEAN pauses for a long time, looking at the gun.]

Dean: I can’t. [beat] I’d rather die. [He drops the gun on the floor.]

Sam: No. You’ll live. [He picks up a second gun and turns to DEAN. His entire demeanor changes, suddenly becoming evil.] You’ll live to regret this. [He knocks DEAN out with the gun and leaves the room.]

Manager: It’s past checkout and I’ve got a couple here who needs a room.

Dean: (looks at hooker and customer in hall) Yeah, I bet they do.

Dean: (talking on the phone) Hi, so sorry to bother you but, my son snuck out of the house last night and went to a Justin Timberlake concert.. What?.. uhhh yeah.. Justin's quite the triple threat.

Sam (to Jo): (sing- song) My daddy shot your daddy in the head.

Dean: Sam!

Sam: I begged you to stop me, Dean!

Dean: Put the knife down, damn it!

Sam: I told you, I can’t fight it! My head feels like it’s on fire, all right?! Dean, kill me, or I’m gonna kill her! Please! You’d be doing me a favor. Shoot me. Shoot me! [DEAN pauses a long time, ready to shoot.]

Dean: No, Sammy, come on. [He lowers the gun.]

Sam: What the hell is wrong with you, Dean? Are you that scared of being alone that you’d rather let Jo die?!

Dean: Why didn’t you kill me? You had a dozen chances.

Sam: No, that would have been too easy. Where’s the fun in that? See, this was a test. I wanted to see if I could push you far enough to waste Sam. Should’ve known you wouldn’t have the sack. Anyway, fun’s over now.

Demon (possessing Sam): One look at Sam's dewy, sensitive eyes, they'll let me right in the door.

Bobby: Where’s Dean?

Sam: Holed up somewhere with a girl and a twelve-pack.

Bobby: Yeah? Is she pretty?

Sam: You ask me, he’s in way over his head.

Bobby: Don't try and con a con man

Demon (Meg possessing Sam): Dean, back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach.

Dean: How ‘bout I smack that smartass right outta your mouth?

Demon (Meg possessing Sam): Oh, careful now. Wouldn’t wanna bruise this fine packaging.

Demon (Meg possessing Sam): Sam’s still my meat puppet. I’ll make him bite off his tongue.

Dean: No, you won’t be in him long enough.

Dean: See, whatever bitch-boy master plan you demons are cooking up –- [SAM screams in pain] –- you’re not getting Sam. You understand me? ‘Cause I’m gonna kill every one of you first.

Demon (Meg possessing Sam): You really think that’s what this is about? The master plan? I don’t give a rat’s ass about the master plan.

Demon (Meg possessing Sam): You know, when people wanna describe the worst possible thing, they say, “It’s like hell.” [He punches DEAN.] Well, there’s a reason for that. Hell is like –- [he punches DEAN again] -- well, it’s like hell. Even for demons. [Another punch.] It’s a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. [Another punch.] And you sent me back there.

Dean: Meg.

Demon (Meg possessing Sam): No. Not anymore. Now, I’m Sam. [Another punch.] By the way –- [he grabs DEAN’s shoulder, digging into his skin] –- I saw your dad there. He says, “Howdy.” All that I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day, and that I was gonna torture you, nice and slow. Like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it’s nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You’re worthless. You couldn’t save your dad. And deep down…you know that you can’t save your brother. They’d have been better off without you.

Sam: (demon had just left Sam's body): Did I missed anything?

Dean: Sam...(punches him)

Sam: By the way, you really look like crap, Dean.

Dean: Yeah, right back at ya.

Bobby: Here, take these.

Sam: What are they?

Bobby: Charms. They'll fend off possession. That demon's still out there. This'll stop it from getting back up in ya.

Dean: That sounds vaguely dirty, but er, thanks.

Dean: You OK?

Sam: [doesn't answer]

Dean: Sam? That you in there?

Sam: No matter what I did, you wouldn't shoot.

Dean: It was the right move, Sam. It wasn't you.

Sam: Yeah, this time. What about next time?

Dean: Sam, when Dad told me I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to save you.

Dean: [starts to laugh]

Sam: What?

Dean: [continues to laugh] Nothing.

Sam: Dean! What!?

Dean: Dude, you full on had a girl up inside of you for like a week. [both laugh]

Dean: That's pretty naughty.

Tall Tales [2.15]

Sam: Dude you mind not eating those on my bed?

Dean: No, I don't mind. How’s the research going?

Sam: You know how it’s going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer.

Dean: Mm.

Sam: Can you turn that down, please?

Dean: Yeah, absolutely. [He raises the volume louder.]

Sam: You know what? Maybe you should just go somewhere for a while, huh?

Dean: [turning the music off] Hey, I’d love to. That’s a great idea. Unfortunately, my car’s all screwed to hell.

Jen: So now she haunts the building, and anyone who sees her doesn’t live to tell the tale.

Curtis: Well, if no one lives to tell the tale, then how does the tale get told?

Dean: Woah, woah, woah, woah... hold on a minute!!

Sam: What?

Dean: C'mon dude, that's not how it happened!

Sam: No? So you never drank a purple nurple?

Dean: Yeah maybe that, but I don't say things like "fiesty little wildcat" and her name wasn't Starla.

Sam: Then what was it?

Dean: (pauses) I don't know... but she was a classy chick. She was a grad student. Anthropology and folklore. We were talking about ghost stories.

Starla: My God, you are attractive!

Dean: Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please? Lives are at stake.

Starla: [staring at Dean] I’m sorry, I just… I can’t even concentrate. It’s like staring…into the sun.

Sam: Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah... blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah!

Bobby: You're bickering like an old married couple.

Dean: No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, Siamese twins.

Sam: [angry] It's conjoined twins.

Dean: See what I mean?

Trickster: Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.

Sam: Dude... were you on my computer?

Dean: Uh...no...

Sam: Oh really? 'Cause it's frozen now, on... bustyasianbeauties.com?

Sam:Dean! Would you just –- don’t touch my stuff anymore, okay?

Dean: Why don’t you control your OCD?

Dean: You’ve gotta give those Purple Nurples a shot!

Curtis: They did tests on me, and um…[he takes a shot] –- they, uh…they probed me. [DEAN and SAM try not to laugh.]

Dean: They probed you?

Curtis: Yeah. They probed me. Again and again and again and –- [takes a shot] –- and again and again and again and then one more time.

Dean: [deadpan] Yikes.

Dean: How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch!

Curtis: They… they made me…slow dance!

Sam: I’m telling you, Dean. This was made by some kind of jet engine.

Dean: You mean some saucer-shaped jet engine?

Sam: Look, man, I know this all has to be so hard.

Frat Boy: Um, not so much...

Sam: But I want you to know…I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C’mere… [hugs frat boy] You’re too precious for this world!

Sam: I never said that!

Dean: You're always saying pansy stuff like that.

Dean: These punishments, they’re almost poetic. Well, actually they’d be more like a limerick, but still…

Dean: Why would I take your computer?

Sam: Because no one else could have, Dean. We keep the door locked, we never let any maids in.

Dean: [smirking] Looks like you lost it, Poindexter.

Sam: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.

Dean: What are you talking about? I’m a joy to be around!

Sam: Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink? Your food in the fridge?

Dean: What’s wrong with my food?

Sam: It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!

Dean: [to himself] I like it.

Sam: How would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?

Dean: It'd be the last thing you ever did.

Sam: Did you take his computer?

Dean: It serves him right, but no.

Sam: Well, I didn’t lose it. ‘Cause I don’t lose things.

Dean: Oh, that’s right. Yeah, ‘cause he’s Mister Perfect.

Dean: This couldn’t get any weirder.

Sam: Yeah, maybe we should get some help. I’ll call Bobby. Maybe he’s run into something like this before.

Dean: Oh, I’m sure he has. It’s just your typical haunted campus, alien abduction, alligator-in-the-sewer gig. Yeah, it’s simple.

Sam: Hey, give me back my money.

Dean: Oh, no. Consider it reparations for emotional trauma.

Sam: Yeah, very funny. Now give it back. [He tries to grab it, but DEAN swipes it away.]

Dean: No.

Sam: Dean, I have had it up to here with you.

Dean: Yeah, right back at ya.

Dean: Get off me!

Sam: Give it back!

Bobby: I’m surprised at you two. I really am. Sam, first off –- Dean did not steal your computer.

Sam: But I—

Bobby: Shh! And Dean, Sam did not touch your car.

Sam: Yeah!

Bobby: And if you two bothered to pull your heads out of your asses, it all would’ve been pretty clear.

Dean: What?

Bobby: What you’re dealing with.

Sam: Uh…

Dean: I’ve got nothing.

Sam: Me neither.

Bobby: You’ve got a Trickster on your hands.

Dean: [snapping his fingers] That’s what I thought.

Sam: What? No, you didn’t!

Dean: Look man, I gotta tell you, I dig your style, you know. I mean, I do. I mean… phew! And the slow dancing alien...

Trickster: One of my personal favorites.

Sam: Look, Dean, um, I just wanna say, that I'm, um...

Dean: Hey... me too.

Bobby: You guys are breaking my heart. Can we please just leave?!

Roadkill [2.16]

Dean: Did he look like he lost a fight with a lawnmower?

Molly: Yeah, how'd you know?

Dean: Lucky guess.

Dean: Follow the creepy brick road.

Dean: You know, just once I would like to round the corner and see a nice house.

Molly: I don't understand how a guy like this can turn into that monster.

Sam: Well, spirits like Greely are like wounded animals. Lost... in so much pain that they lash out.

Molly: Why? Why are they here?

Sam: There's some part of them that... that's keeping them here. Like their remains, or unfinished business.

Molly: Unfinished business?

Sam: Yeah. It could be revenge. It could be love, or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can't let go. So they're trapped. Caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over.

Molly: You sound almost sorry for them.

Sam: Well, they weren't evil people, you know. A lot of them were good, just something happened to them. Something they couldn't control.

Dean: Sammy's always gettin' a little J. Love Hewitt when it comes to this. Me, I don't like 'em. And I'm sure as hell ain't makin' apologies for 'em.

Dean: It smells like old lady in here.

Dean: (after seeing the corpse) And that would explain why.

Sam: It's an old country custom, Dean, planting a tree as a grave marker.

Dean: [Pauses] You are like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.

Sam: Yeah, I know.

Molly: Oh, thank God!

Dean: Call me Dean.

Sam: Dean, I don't think she knows she's dead.

Sam: It wasn't a coincidence that we found you, all right.

Molly: What are you talking about?

Dean: We weren't out here cruisin' for chicks when we ran into you, sister, we were already out here... hunting.

Molly: Hunting for what?

Dean: (pauses) Ghosts.

Sam: (sarcastically) Don't sugarcoat it for her.

Sam: Now you can walk in there, and we're not gonna stop you.

Dean: Yeah, but you are gonna freak him right out.. for life.

Dean: I guess she wasn't so bad. For a ghost. You think she's really going to a better place?

Sam: I hope so.

Dean: I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?

Sam: It doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point.

Dean: Well all alright, Haley Joel, let's hit the road.

Heart [2.17]

Dean: And the lunar cycles?

Sam: Uh-huh. Month after month all the murders occur in the weeks leading up to the full moon.

Dean: Which is this week, right?

Sam: Hence the lawyer.

Dean: Awesome.

Sam: Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?

Dean: I'm sorry man, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by night don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids.

Sam: Okay, Sparky. And you know what? After we kill it, we can go to Disneyland!

[The Brothers are interviewing Madison about her boss]

Madison: You get a few scotches in him and he starts hitting on anyone in a five mile radius. You know the type.

Sam: [glances at Dean] Yeah, I do.

[The Brothers are checking Madison's boyfriend's apartment]

Sam: Anything?

Dean: Nah, nothing but leftovers and a six-pack.

Sam: Check the freezer. Maybe there's some human hearts behind the Haagen Daz or something.

[Sam and Madison have just finished watching a few episodes of All My Children, which Sam seems to be enthralled with]

Sam: Wait, so, so Kendall married Ethan's father just to get back at him?

Madison: Yup and now she's set to inherit all the casinos that were supposed to go to Ethan.

Sam: What a bitch

Hollywood Babylon [2.18]

Dean: This map is totally worth the five bucks. Hey, we gotta check out Joey Ramone grave when we're done here.

Sam: You wanna dig him up too?

Dean: Bite your tongue, heathen.

Dean: What's a PA?

Sam: I think they're like slaves.

Sam: They're saying the set's haunted.

Dean: Like 'Poltergeist'?

Sam: It could be a poltergeist.

Dean: No, no, the movie 'Poltergeist'... You know nothing of your cultural heritage, do you?

Screenwriter: (after Dean saves his life) You're a hell of a P.A.

Tara: (after Dean leaves her trailer) You're a hell of a P.A.

Dean: (Imitating John McClane) Come to the coast. We'll have a few drinks. Have a few laughs.

Folsom Prison Blues [2.19]

Dean: (walking into the prison) Don't worry, Sam. I promise I won't trade you for smokes.

Sam: (asking about Mark Moody, the guy Dean consider to be the ghost) You're sure it's him?

Dean: Pretty sure.

Sam: Considering our circumstances I'm gonna need a little bit better than 'pretty sure'.

Dean: Really pretty sure.

Dean: I said I wish I had a baseball. You know, like Steve McQueen.

Lucas: Yeah? Well, I wish I had a bat so to bash your freaking head in.

Dean: Yeah. That's so much for a bonding solitary moment

Dean: (after winning a poker game and collecting the won cigarettes) It's like picking low hanging fruits.

Sam: You don't even smoke.

Dean: You're kidding me? It's the currency of the realm.

Dean: How do we get in?

Sam: I got a plan.

Dean: That's the Sammy I know. Come on, man, you are like Clint Eastwood from 'Escape from Alcatraz'.

Sam: The problem is even if we do find something, how are we gonna burn it? We don't have any accelerator.

Dean: It's good thing I'm like James Garner from 'The Great Escape'. (continues collecting the cigarettes)

Dean: (asking about Sam's distracting attention plan) Are you sure about this?

Sam: "Pretty sure."

Dean: "Considering the circumstances I'd like a little better than 'pretty sure'."

Sam: "Okay... really pretty sure"

Dean: (lining for noodles) I'd like mine al dente.

Dean: Save room for dessert, Tiny, hehe. Hey, I'd wanna ask you, 'cos I couldn't not notice you are two tones of fun. Just curious, is this like thyroid problem or is this some deep self-esteem issue? 'Cause you know, they're just donuts, they're not love.

Dean: (receiving letter from the lawyer) Would you look at that? I'm freaking velvety smooth.

Sam: You maybe wanna open it up after, you know, you're done slapping yourself on the back?

Dean: (after finding Impala outside the prison) Oh man, you're a sight for sore eyes.

Sam: I thought we were screwed before.

Dean: Yeah, yeah, I know, we gotta go deep this time.

Sam: Deep? Dean, we should go to Yemen!

Dean: I'm not sure I'm ready to go that deep.

What Is And Should Never Be [2.20]

Sam: Dean?

Dean: Sam.

Sam: What's going on?

Dean: I don't know. I don't know where I am.

Sam: What? What happened?

Dean: The Djinn, it.. it attacked me.

Sam: The Gin? You're drinking Gin?

Dean: We don't? Well, we should. You're my brother.

Sam: You're my brother.

Dean: Yeah!

Sam: You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nayv.

Dean: Who?

Sam: Uh, my prom date. On prom night.

Dean: [under his breath] Yeah, that does kinda sound like me.

Dean: I'm dating a nurse. How...respectable.

Professor: Well, I don't think, I've seen you in my class before.

Dean: Are you kiddn' me? I love your lectures. You... [thinks, grinning] ... you make learning fun.

Dean: How did I end up with such a cool chick?

Carmen: I just got low standards.

Dean:[to his Dad's grave] So go hunt the Djinn. It could put you here, it could put you back. Your happiness for all these people's lives. No contest. Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married.. Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? It's [long pause] yeah.. [walks away]

Dean: [Sam hears someone downstairs and goes looking with a baseball bat. Dean puts him down]That was so easy, I'm embarrassed for you.

Dean: Bitch.

Sam: What are you calling me a bitch for?

Dean: You're supposed to say Jerk.

Sam: What?

Dean: ... never mind.

Sam: I thought it was supposed to be this perfect fantasy.

Dean: It wasn't. It was just a wish. I wished for Mom to live. Mom never died, we never went hunting and you and me just never... ya know.

Sam: Yeah. Will, I'm glad we do

All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 1 [2.21]

Dean: Don't forget the extra onions this time!

Sam: Dude, I'm the one who's gonna have to ride in the car with your extra onions.

Dean: Hey, see if they've got any pie. Bring me some pie. I love me some pie.

Sam: I have visions. I see things before they happen.

Ava: Yeah. Me, too.

Andy: Yeah, and I can put thoughts into people's heads. Like, make them do stuff. But don't worry, I don't think it works on you guys. Oh, but get this -- I've been practicing. Training my brain, like meditation. So now, it's not just thoughts I can beam out, but images, too. Like, anything I want. Bam! People see it. This one guy I know -- total dick, right? I used it on him: gay porn. All hours of the day. [laughs] It was just like...you should have seen the look on his face.

Andy: (reading Dean's receipt) D. Hasselhoff?

Sam: Yeah. It's Dean's signature. It's kind of hard to explain.

Azazel:(To sam)You are though, smart, and well-trained. Sam, you're my favourite!"

Dean: (just had a vision) That was about as fun as getting kicked in the jewels.

Jake: Salt is a weapon?

Sam: It's a brave new world.

Sam: I thought we were supposed to be...

Azazel: Soldiers? You are. But here's the thing. I don't need soldiers. I need a soldier. Only one.

Sam: What about my mom?

Azazel: That was bad luck

Sam: Bad luck?

Azazel: She walked in on us, wrong place wrong time

Sam: What does that mean?

Azazel: It wasn’t about her, it was about you, its always been about you

Dean: (to Sam as he's dying, seeing the wound) Look at me, Sam. It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, alright? Sammy? Sam! Listen to me. We're going to patch you up, okay? You'll be as good as new. I'm gonna take care of you, okay? I'm going to take care of you; I've got you, because that's my job, right? Watching after my pain in the ass little brother. (realizes Sam is already dead) Sam? Sam? Sam?! Sammy?! No. No, no, no, no. Oh no come on. Oh God. (pulls Sam's body against his and yells) SAM!

All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 2 [2.22]

Bobby: I gotta admit, I could use your help. Something big is going down... End-of-the-world-big...

Dean:[shouting] Then just let it end.

Azazel: Howdy Jake.

Jake: I - I'm dreaming, aren't I.

Azazel: I gotta genius on my hands. Well congratulations Jake, you're it. Last man standing. The American Idol. I have to admit, you weren't the horse, I was bettin' on. But still, I gotta give it to you.

Jake: [scared] Go.. to hell.

Azazel: Been there. Done that.

Dean: [to Sammy, before going to Crossroads] You know, when we were little, you couldn't have been more than five, you'd just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom; Why do we always have to move around; Where'd Dad go.. when he'd take off for days at a time. I remember I begged you, quit askin' Sammy. Man, you don't wanna know. I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. This was always my responsibility, you know. It's like, I had one job. I had one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that I'm sorry. I guess, that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down, and now I guess I'm supposed to let you down too. How can I? Am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy... God.. What am I supposed to do? [screams] What am I supposed to do?

Dean: I have to look out for you! That's my Job!

Sam: What do you think my job is?

Dean: What?

Sam: You saved my life! over and Over! Man you sacrifice everything for me! Don't you think I do the same for you?

Dean: (Drops the spent Colt in the trunk) We got work to do.

The Magnificent Seven [3.1]

Bobby: Where is your brother?

Sam: Polling the electorate.

Bobby: What?

Sam: Never mind.

Sam: Let me see your knife.

Dean: What for?

Sam: So I can gouge my eyes out. (laughs)

Dean: It was a beautiful, natural act, Sam.

Sam: That's a part of you I never wanted to see, Dean.

Dean: I got a year to live, Sam. I’d like to make the most of it. So what do you say we kill some evil sons of bitches and we raise a little hell, huh?

Sam: You’re unbelievable.

Dean: Very true.

Bobby: So, we're eating bacon cheeseburgers for breakfast, are we?

Dean: Well, sold my soul. Got a year to live. I ain't sweatin' the cholesterol

Sam: Dean, what're you doing?

Dean: Comforting the bereaved. What're you doing?

Sam: Workin'. Dead body, possible demon attack, that kinda stuff.

Dean: (fake coughing) Sam, I'm sorry. It's just, I don't have much time left. And, uh... (more coughing) ...gotta make every second count.

Bobby: Did you boys find anything around here?

Sam: No sulfur, nothing.

Dean: Well, maybe something. (points to video camera) See? I’m working.

Bobby: You sure this is the right place?

Dean: No. But I spent all day canvasing this stupid town with this guy's stupid mug, and supposedly he drinks at this stupid bar...

Dean: What do you want?

Envy: We already have what we want.

Dean: What’s that?

Envy: We’re out, we’re free. Thanks to you, my kind are everywhere.

Envy: You really think you’re better than me. Which one of you can cast the first stone, huh? What about you, Dean? You’re practically a walking billboard of gluttony and lust.

Bobby: Do you have any idea who we’re up against?

Dean: No, who?

Bobby: The Seven Deadly Sins, live and in the flesh.

Dean: (laughs) What’s in the box? (silence) Brad Pitt... Se7en... no? (shuts up as Sam hits him with the Bible)

Isaac: A family that slays together...

Isaac: I've locked my keys in the car, turned my laundry pink... never brought on the end of the world, though.

Walter: Some people crochet, others golf. Me? I like to see people's insides on their outside.

Sam: Look, if we’re going down, we’re going down together.

Pride: Come on. You really think something like that is gonna fool someone like me? I mean me.

Sam: Let me guess. You're Pride.

Dean: I suppose you are Lust.

Lust: Baby, I’m whatever you want me to be.

Dean: Yeah, hell right. Just stay back.

Lust: Or what?

Dean: Good point.

Sam: It's suicide, Dean!

Dean: So what? I'm dead already!

Sam: Who the hell are you?

Ruby: I’m the girl that just saved your ass.

Dean: I'm just gonna ask it again... who was that masked chick? Actually, the more troubling question would be, "How come a girl can fight better than you?"

Sam: Three demons, Dean... at once.

Dean: Hey, whatever it takes to get you through the night, pal.

Dean: You look like hell warmed over.

Bobby: You try exorcising all night, see how you feel.

Sam: Any survivors, Bobby?

Bobby: Well, the pretty girl and the heavy guy, they’ll make it. A lifetime of therapy bills ahead, but still…

Sam: Hey Bobby, we can win this war, right? (silence)

Bobby: Catch you on the next one.

Sam: I've been bending over backwards trying to be nice to you, and I don't care anymore.

Dean: That didn't last long.

Dean: I don’t know. It’s like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sam: That’s hellfire, Dean.

Dean: Whatever.

Sam: You’re a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? ‘Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing… to me. What you did was selfish.

Dean: Yeah. You’re right. Was selfish. But I’m okay with that.

Sam: I’m not.

Dean: Tough. After everything I’ve done for this family, I think I’m entitled.

The Kids are Alright [3.2]

Sam: (trying to cover up his phone call) Oh, I was just ordering pizza.

Dean: Dude, you do realize that you’re in a restaurant?

Sam: Yeah! Oh, yeah, yeah... (lamely) I just felt like pizza, y’know?

Dean: Okay... Weirdy McWeirderton.

Sam: So let me get this straight. You want to drive all the way to Cicero just to hook up with some random chick?

Dean: She was a yoga teacher. That was the bendiest weekend of my life!

Sam: How many dying wishes are you going to get?

Dean: As many as I can squeeze out.

Dean: Come on, smile, Sam. God knows I'm going to be smiling after 24 hours with Gumby girl. (chuckles) Gumby Girl... does that make me Pokey?

Ben: (about the moon-bounce) You know who else thinks they're awesome? Chicks! It's like hot-chick city out there!

Dean: (points to large kid with Ben's game) Is that Humphrey? The one that needs to lay off the burgers?

Ben: No, don't go over there. Only bitches send a grown-up.

Dean: You're not wrong.

Ben: And I'm not a bitch.

Dean: What? Someone had to teach him to kick a bully in the nads.

Ruby: (eating a French fry) Ummm, these are amazing. It's like deep fried crack. Try some.

Sam: Why are you following me?

Ruby: I'm interested in you.

Sam: Why?

Ruby: Because you're tall. I love a tall man!

Sam: That knife you had... you can kill demons with that thing?

Ruby: Sure comes in handy when you have to swoop in and save the damsel in distress.

Sam: Where you get it?

Ruby: Sky Mall.

Dean: We'll just drag the kids, lay them out, torch them in the front lawn. That'll play great with the neighbors.

Dean: Y’know how I never mentioned my job? This is my job.

Lisa: I so didn’t want to know that.

Lisa: Ben may not be your kid, but he wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. That's a lot, if you ask me.

Dean: You know, just for the record, you got a great kid. I would have been proud to be his dad.

Sam: You're a demon!

Ruby: Don't be such a racist.

Sam: Why would you possibly want to help me?

Ruby: I have my reasons. Not all demons are the same, Sam. Not all of us want the same thing. Me? I wanna help you from time to time. That's all... If you let me, there's something in it for you.

Sam: What could you possibly...

Ruby: I could help you save your brother.

Bad Day at Black Rock [3.3]

Kubrick: Don't play with my Jesus.

Dean: (reading from trophy) 1995.

Sam: No way. That's my Division Championship soccer trophy! I can't believe he kept this.

Dean: Yeah, it's probably the closest you ever came to being a boy.

Dean: Oh, wow! It’s my first sawed-off. I made it myself. Sixth grade.

Sam: Hi, uh, table for two please.

Waiter: Congratulations!!!!

Dean: Exciting, I know.

Dean: Wow. You suck.

Dean: Sam? You okay?

Sam: (from the floor) Yeah, I'm good!

Sam: (despondently) I lost my shoe.

(Dean leads Sam into a motel room)

Sam: What am I even supposed to do, Dean?

Dean: Nothing, nothing! Come here. I don't want you doing- anything! I want you to sit right here, and don't move! Okay? Don't turn on the light, don't turn off the light, don't even scratch your nose!

Sam: (mouthing the words) scratch my nose? (checks to see that Dean has left, then scratches his nose)

Kubrick: I used to think your friend Gordon sent me.

Sam: (tied to a chair) Gordon-!? Oh, come on!

Kubrick: Yeah, 'cause he asked me to track you down... and put a bullet in your brain.

Sam: Great. That sounds like him.

Dean: So you’re only out for yourself, huh? It’s all about number one?

Bela: Being a hunter is so much more noble? A bunch of obsessed, revenge driven sociopaths trying to save a world that can’t be saved?

Dean: Well, aren’t you a glass half-full?

Dean: If it's any consolation, I think you're a truly awful person. (Bela shoots at Dean) See ya!

Dean: I'm Batman.

Sam: (sarcastically) Yeah, you're Batman.

Dean: You're not gonna shoot anybody. See, I happen to be able to read people. And sure you're a thief, fine, but you're not gonna - (Bela shoots Sam)

Dean: What the Hell is wrong with you?!?!?!?!

Dean: Wow, I really don't feel bad about that. Sam?

Sam: Nope. Not even a little.

Dean: Oh, don't go away angry. Just go away.

Sin City [3.4]

Casey: Guess you should have paid more attention in Latin class.

Dean: I don't know what you're smiling about, you're not going anywhere.

Casey: And apparently neither are you.

Dean: Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me and uh... he did pay attention in class.

Casey: Oh, right - Sam. Everyone say's he's the brains of the outfit.

Dean: Everyone?

Sam: (on Dean not eating the hamburger in front of him) You do realize there is red meat within striking distance, right?

Dean: (referring to Richie) No way he gets a girl like that. I mean, look at her. You could fit that ass on a nickel.

Richie: Wow, this is, er, charming. You sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in a bedroom, or my motel room? I mean, not for nothing, but you know... I got oils.

Casey: But I have toys.

Richie: Yeah, no, toys trump oils.

Dean: (about the Colt) So if we wanna go check out these omens in Ohio, think you can have that thing ready by this afternoon?

Bobby: Well, it won’t kill demons by then, but I can promise it’ll kill you.

Sam: No offense, but what are you doing here, Father?

Father Gil: Like it or not, you go where your flock is.

Casey: Plus the clergy drinks for free.

Dean: (trying an exorcism from memory) Spiritus emundi, undalara, persona tote… (trails off, lost)

Casey: Nice try, but I think you just ordered a pizza.

Bartender: What’s wrong with you? Think, I’m gonna give you a coworker’s address just so you can go over there and get your freaky peeping tom rocks off? (Sam hands him money) Corner of Piermont and Clinton. Have fun.

Dean: Azazel?

Casey: What, you think his friends just called him Yellow-Eyes? He had a name.

Sam: For some reason, you’re fighting on our side. Why is that, again?

Ruby: Go screw yourself, that’s why.

Dean: There’s got to be a demon or two in South Beach.

Sam: Sorry, Hef, maybe next time.

Dean: All you demons have such smart mouths.

Casey: It’s a gift.

Casey: You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but you know.

Casey: Why, Dean. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that’s lust in your eyes. Well, it would be one way to spend the time. But I don’t think you’d respect me in the morning.

Dean: That’s okay: I mean hey, I barely respect you now.

Ruby: (to Sam) On the bright side, I'll be there with you - that little fallen angel on your shoulder.

Dean: Think something's wrong with my brother?

Bobby: Nah. Demons lie. I'm sure Sam's okay.

Dean: (doubtfully) Yeah.

Casey: So you see? Is my kind really really all that different than yours?

Dean: Well, except that, uh, demons are evil.

Casey: And humans are such a lovable bunch. Dick Cheney.

Dean: He's one of yours?

Casey: Not yet. Let's just say he's got a parking spot reserved for him downstairs.

Casey: Hey, I didn't pull any triggers.

Dean: Yeah? You did something.

Casey: You want to know what I did -- what I really did? I had lunch.

Dean: Lunch?

Casey: Me and Trotter. He had a cheeseburger,i had a salad, and I just pointed out the money that could be made with a few businesses that cater to harmless vice. So trotter built it, and, man, did they come. Supposedly god-fearing folk, waist-deep in booze, sex, gambling. I barely lifted a finger.

Dean: That's it?

Casey: You don't get it. All you got to do is nudge humans in the right direction. Some whiskey here, a hooker there, and they'll walk right into hell with big,fat smiles on their faces. Your kind is corrupt, Dean. Weak. Our will's stronger. That's why we'll win.

Dean: And that's how it ends?

Casey: No. That's how it begins.

Casey: (to Dean) Just this year, you people racked up a body count that amazed even us. Now it's our turn. And this time, we're doing it right.

Casey: Why don't you relax?

Dean: Why don't you kiss my ass?

Casey: Why, Dean, you're a poet. I had no idea.

Dean: Oh, I forgot to mention Richie was a friend of mine, once I realized I could track the GPS in his mobile I wanted to give him a proper burial, better than lying in some skank's basement.

Dean: What are you laughing at, bitch? You're still trapped.

Casey: So are you... bitch.

Bobby: What do you want?

Ruby: Peace on earth, a new shirt...

Sam: You drink hurricanes?

Dean: I do now.

Bedtime Stories [3.5]

Kyle: The guy, he killed my brothers. How would you feel?

Sam: Can't imagine anything worse.

Sam: I've got a theory. Sort of.

Dean: Hit me.

Sam: Well, thinking about fairy tales.

Dean: Oh, that’s... that's nice. You think about fairy tales often?

Dean: I thought all those things ended with everyone living happily ever after.

Sam: No, no, not the originals. See, the Grimm Brothers stuff was kind of like the folklore of its day, full of sex, violence, cannibalism. Now, it got sanitized over the years and turned into Disney flicks and bedtime stories.

Dean: So you think the murders are what, a re-enactment? That's a little crazy.

Sam: Crazy as what? Every day of our lives?

Dean: Touche.

Sam: I think it's Snow White.

Dean: Snow White? Ah, I saw that movie. Oh, porn version anyway.

Sam: Then we got the three brothers, arguing over how to build houses, attacked by the big, bad wolf.

Dean: Three little pigs.

Sam: Yup.

Dean: Actually, those guys were a little chubby.

Sam: (staring at frog on the road) Yeah, you’re right, that's completely normal.

Dean: All right, maybe it is fairy tales. Totally messed-up fairy tales. I'll tell you one thing, there’s no way I'm kissing a damned frog.

Sam: (gesturing to pumpkin on porch) Hey, check that out.

Dean: Yeah? It's close to Halloween.

Sam: You remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into a coach and the mice that become horses?

Dean: Dude! Could you be more gay? Don't answer that.

Dean: You find a way to stop Callie, all right.

Sam: What about you?

Dean: I'm gonna go stop the big bad wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.

Dr. Garrison: You're not a cop, are you?

Sam: No.

Dr. Garrison: Then who are you?

Sam: Someone who knows a little bit about this kind of thing.

Dean: See you around, Doc.

Dr. Garrison: I sure hope not.

Dean: You know what he said. Some good advice.

Sam: Is that what you want me to do, Dean? Just let you go?

Crossroad Demon: What can I do for you, Sam?

Sam: You can beg for your life.

Crossroad Demon: We were having such a nice conversation. Then you had to go and ruin the mood.

Sam: If I were you, I’d drop the wisecracks and start acting scared.

Crossroad Demon: It’s not my style. That's not the original Colt. Where'd you get it? Ruby. Had to be. She is such a pain in my ass. She'll get what's coming to her. You can count on it.

Sam: Who's your boss? Who holds the contract?

Crossroad Demon: He's not as cuddly as me, I can tell you that.

Sam: Who is it?

Crossroad Demon: I can't tell you. I’m sorry, Sam, but there’s no way out of this one. Not this time.

Sam: Every deal can be broken.

Crossroad Demon: Not this one.

Crossroad Demon: Aren’t you tired of cleaning up Dean’s messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his? Aren’t you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You’re stronger than Dean. You’re better than him.

Sam: Watch your mouth.

Crossroad Demon: Admit it. You’re here, going through the motions, but truth is, you’ll be a tiny bit relieved when he’s gone.

Sam: Shut up.

Crossroad Demon: No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally be free. (Sam shoots the Crossroads Demon)

Red Sky at Morning [3.6]

(Sam and Dean are in the car, Dean looks pissed)

Dean: So, I've been waiting since Maple Springs. You got something to tell me?

Sam: It's not your birthday..

Dean: No.

Sam: (thinks hard) ...Happy Purim?

(Dean gives Sam an angry look, Sam laughs)

Sam: Dude, I don't know! I have no idea what you're talking about.

Dean: There's a bullet missing from the Colt. You want to tell me how that happened? I know it wasn't me, so unless you were shooting at some incredibly evil cans.

Sam: Dean.

Dean: You went after her didn't you? The Crossroads Demon, after I told you not to.

Sam: Yeah, well.

Dean: You could have gotten yourself killed.

Sam:: I didn't.

Dean: And you shot her?

Sam: She was a smartass.

Dean: What a crazy old broad.

Sam: Why, because she believes in ghosts?

Dean: Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.

Sam: Bite me.

Dean: Not if she bites you first.

Dean: So what happens? You see the ship and then a few hours later you pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye.

Sam: Basically.

Dean: What's the next step?

Sam: I gotta ID the boat.

Dean: That shouldn't be too hard. I mean, how many three-mast ships have wrecked off the coast?

Sam: I checked that too actually, over 150.

Dean: Wow!

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: Crap.

Sam: Mm-hmm.

Dean: This is where we parked the car, right?

Sam: I thought so.

Dean: Where's my car?

Sam: Did you feed the meter?

Dean: Yes, I fed the meter. Sam, where's my car, did somebody stole my car?!

Sam: Hey, hey, calm down, Dean.

Dean: I'm calmed down. Somebody stole my c... :(starts to hyperventilate)

Sam: Wow, Dean. Hey-hey-hey-hey, take it easy, take it easy.

Bela: The 67' Impala, was that yours?

Sam: Bela...

Bela: I'm sorry, I had that car towed.

Dean: You what?

Bela: Well, it was in a tow-away zone.

Dean: No, it wasn't!

Bela: It was when I finished with it.

Sam: You shot me.

Bela: I barely grazed you.

(Dean rolls eyes)

Bela: Cute. But a bit of a drama queen, yeah?

Sam: How do you sleep at night?

Bela: On silk sheets, rolling naked in money.

Bela: (to Dean) Now, I'd get to that car if I were you, before they find that arsenal in the trunk. Ciao.

Dean: Can I shoot her?

Sam: Not in public.

Bela: I see you got your car back.

Dean: You really want to come near me with a loaded gun in my hands?

Bela: Now, now. Mind your blood pressure.

Peter: You're not cops. Not dressed like that, not in that crappy car.

Dean: Hey, no need to get nasty.

Bela: Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're no better than I am.

Dean: We help people.

Bela: Come on! You do this out of vengeance and obsession. You're a stone's throw from being a serial killer.

(Dean looks over to Sam)

Bela: Whereas I on the other hand, I get paid to do a job, and I do it. So you tell me, which is healthier?

Sam: Bela, why don't you just leave? We've got work to do.

Bela: Yeah. You're 0 for 2. Bang up job so far.

Dean: Hey, Bela, how'd you get like this? What, your daddy not give you enough hugs or something?

Bela: I don't know. Your daddy give you enough?

Dean: You can't save everybody, Sam.

Sam: Yeah, right, so, so… what? You feel better now, or what?

Dean: No, not really.

Sam: Me neither.

Dean: You got to understand…

Sam: It’s just lately I feel like I can't save anybody.

Bela: You boys should learn to lock your doors. Anyone could just barge in.

Sam: Anyone just did.

Bela: So, how'd things go last night with Peter?

(Sam gives angry look)

Bela: That well, huh.

Dean: If you say "I told you so," I swear to God, I'll start swinging.

Bela: I think the three of us should have a heart-to-heart.

Dean: That's assuming you have a heart.

Dean: A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.

Bela: What is taking so long? Sam's already halfway there. With his date.

Dean: (upstaris) I am so not okay with this!

Bela: What are you, a woman? Come down already.

(Dean walks down steps, Bela gasps)

Dean: All right, get it out. I look ridiculous.

Bela: Not exactly the word I'd use.

Bela: You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.

Dean: (after thinking hard) Don't objectify me.

Sam: Exactly how long do you expect me to entertain my date?

Bela: As long as it takes.

Dean: Look. There's security all over this place, alright. This is an uncrashable party, without Gert's invitation, so.

Sam: We can crash anything, Dean.

Dean: Yeah I know, but this is easier and a lot more entertaining.

Sam: You know, there are limits to what I'll do, right?

Dean: Ah, he's playing hard-to-get. That's cute.

Bela: What do you suggest?

Dean: I’m thinking…

Bela: Don’t strain yourself.

(about Bela to the Guard)

Dean: You think she's a pain in the ass now, try living with her.

Bela: (to Dean) I didn't want you thinking... you're not very good at that. Oh, look at you, searching for a witty rejoinder.

Dean: Screw you.

Bela: Very Oscar Wilde.

Dean: (to Sam) You stink like sex.

Dean: (about Bela) You know what? I’m not going to kill her. I think slow torture’s the way to go.

Dean: I can’t believe she got another one over on us!

Sam: You.

Dean: What?

Sam: I mean, she got one over on you, not us.

Dean: Thank you, Sam! Very helpful.

Bela: I sold it. I had a buyer lined up as soon as I knew it existed.

Sam: So the whole reason for us goin' to the charity ball was...?

Bela: I needed a cover. You were convenient.

Sam: Look you sold it to a buyer, just go buy it back.

Bela: It's half way across the ocean, I can't get it back in time.

Dean: In time for what?

Sam: What's going on with you, Bela? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Bela: I saw the ship.

Dean: You what? Wow, you know... I.. I knew you were an immoral, thieving, con-artist bitch, but just when I thought my opinion of you couldn't get any lower...

Dean: So who was it, Bela? Hmm? Who'd you kill? Was it daddy? Your little sis, maybe?

Bela: It's none of your business.

Dean: No... right. Well, have a nice life, you know whatever's left of it. (grabs jacket) Sam, let's go.

Bela: You can't just leave me here.

Dean: Watch us.

Bela: Please. I need your help.

Dean: Our help? Well, now how could a couple of serial killers possibly help you?

Bela: Do you really think this is going to work?

Dean: Almost definitely not.

Bela: (after handing Dean and Sam money) I don't like being in anyone's debt.

Dean: So ponying up ten grand is easier for you then a simple “thank you”? You're so damaged.

Bela: Takes one to know one.

Sam: I don’t want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying! So that's it? Nothing else to say for you?

Dean: I think maybe I'll play craps.

Fresh Blood [3.7]

Gordon: Sam Winchester’s the Antichrist.

Bela: Ooh. I’d heard something about that…

Gordon: It’s true.

Bela: …from the Easter Bunny. Who heard it from the Tooth Fairy. Are you off your meds?

Bela: You make me an offer and you'll find me highly cooperative.

Gordon: Hmm. How about you tell me where they are, or I shoot you?

Gordon: I can wrangle up three grand.

Bela: I don’t get out of bed for three grand.

Bela: Gordon Walker paid me to tell him where you were.

Dean: Excuse me?

Bela: Well, he had a gun on me. What else was I supposed to do?

Dean: I don't know, maybe pick up the phone and tell us that a raging psychopath was dropping by?

Bela: I did fully intend to call. I just got a bit sidetracked.

Dean: He tried to kill us!

Bela: I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was such a big deal. After all, there are two of you and one of him.

Dean: There were two of them.

Dean: Bela, if we make it out of this alive, the first thing I'm gonna do is kill you.

Bela: You're not serious.

Dean: Listen to my voice, and tell me if I'm serious.

Sam: Vampire's still out there, Dean.

Dean: First things first.

Sam: Gordon.

Dean: About that, when we find him or if he finds us..

Sam: Yeah?

Dean: Well I'm just saying he's not giving us a whole lot of options.

Sam: Yeah, I know... we gotta kill him.

Dean: Really? Just like that? I thought you would have been like; "No we can't, he's a human, it's wrong."

Sam: No I'm done. I mean Gordon's not gonna stop until we're dead... or until he is.

Gordon: Daughters? Try “fang whores.”

Dixon: You're a big part of why my people are nearly extinct, Gordon.

Gordon: Your "people" are going extinct because you're a bunch of mindless, bloodthirsty animals.

Dixon: Can you think of a worse hell?

Dean: Well, there's Hell.

Gordon: They turned me.

Kubrick: You know what this means.

Gordon: It means you have to kill me. But not yet.

Kubrick: What do you mean?

Gordon: You have to let me do one last thing first.

Kubrick: What?

Gordon: Kill Sam Winchester.

Kubrick: Gordon.

Gordon: It's the only... it is the one good thing to come out of this nightmare. I'm strong, I'm faster. I can finish him.

Dean: It's like a giant haystack and Gordon's a deadly needle.

Dean: It’s just another day at the office. It’s a massively dangerous day at the office.

Dean: Well, what can I say? I'm a badass.

Sam: You know what, man? I'm sick and tired of your old stupid kamikaze trick.

Dean: Whoa, whoa. Kamikaze? I'm more like a ninja.

Sam: That's not funny.

Dean: It's a little funny.

Sam: No, it's not.

Dean: What do you want me to do, Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I’m going to die? You know what, I’ve got one. Let’s see, what rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"?

Sam: Drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punchline. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

Dean: I'm not!

Sam: You're lying. And you may as well drop it cause I can see right through you.

Dean: You got no idea what you're talking about.

Sam: Yeah, I do. You're scared Dean. You're scared because your year is running out and you're still going to hell, and you're freaked.

Dean: And how do you know that?

Sam: Because I know you!

Dean: Really?

Sam: Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better that anyone else in the entire world. And this... is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just...

Dean: What?

Sam: It's just I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. Cause... just cause.

Gordon: (to Sam) You got a lot of people fooled, but see, I know the truth. I know what it's like. We're the same now, you and me. I know how it is walking around with something evil inside you. It's just too bad you won't do the right thing and kill yourself. I'm gonna... as soon as I'm done with you. Two last good deeds. Killing you and killing myself.

Gordon: (to Sam, in the dark) You have no idea what I've faced to get here. I lost everything... my life. But it's worth it. I'm hunting the most dangerous thing I've ever hunted. You're not human, Sam.

Dean: (to Sam) You just charged a super-vamped-out Gordon with no weapon. That's a little reckless, don't you think?

Sam: What's with the auto shop?

(Dean extends tool to Sam to fix the Impala)

Sam: You don't mean, you want...

Dean: Yeah, I do. You fix it.

Sam: Dean, you barely let me drive this thing.

Dean: Well, it's time. You should know how to fix it. You're going to need to know these things for the future. And besides, it's my job, right. Show my little brother the ropes.

A Very Supernatural Christmas [3.8]

Dean: What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases.

Sam: Whose childhood are you talking about?

Dean: Oh, come on, Sam.

Sam: No, just... no.

Dean: All right, Grinch.

Young Sam: But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real.

Young Dean: That's 'cause he'd already checked under there. But, yeah, they're real. Almost everything's real.

Young Sam: Is Santa real?

Young Dean: No.

Dean: So this is your theory, huh? Santa's shady brother?

Dean: We were playing Jenga over at the Walsh's the other night, and he hasn't shut up about this Christmas wreath. I don't know. (looks over to Sam) You tell him.

Sam: Sure. (Sam pauses to look at shop owner) It was yummy.

Sam: Yeah. It's pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door, saying "Come kill us."

Dean: Great.

Santa's Elf: Welcome to Santa's Court. Can I escort your child to Santa?

Dean: Um, no. But actually, uh, my brother here, it's been a life long dream of his.

Santa's Elf: I'm sorry, no kids over 12.

Sam: He's just kidding. We only came here to watch.

Santa's Elf: Ewww.

Dean: What?

Sam: Nothing. It's just that, well you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas, might have to blow away Santa.

Sam: He punishes the wicked.

Dean: By hauling their asses up the chimney.

Sam: For starters, yeah.

Dean: So was I right, was it the serial killing chimney-sweep?

Sam: Yep. It's uh, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.

Dean: Who?

Sam: Mary Poppins.

Dean: Who's that?

Sam: Oh, come on. Never mind.

Dean: So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?

Sam: Actually I have an idea.

Dean: Yeah?

Sam: It's a, it's gonna sound crazy.

Dean: What could you possibly say that's gonna sound crazy to me?

Sam: Um, Evil Santa.

Dean: Yeah, that's crazy.

Sam: Dean, you okay?

Dean: Yeah, I think so.

Sam: So I guess we're dealing with "Mr. and Mrs. God," nice to know.

Sam: Huh, when you sacrifice to Holnacar, guess what he gives you in return?

Dean: Lap dances, hopefully.

Dean: Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't want to ask her about her shoes? I saw some nice handbags in the foyer.

Dean: Sam, why are you the boy that hates Christmas?

Dean: Christmas is Jesus' birthday.

Sam: No, Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the Winter Solstice Festival that was co-opted by the church and renamed Christmas. But I mean the Yule log, the tree, even Santa's red suit, that's all remnants of Pagan worship.

Dean: How do you know that? You gonna tell me next...the Easter Bunny's Jewish?

Young Dean: First thing you have to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero.

Young Sam: He is?

Young Dean: Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's fighting them right now.

Dean: She gave them to you for free? Do you sell them for free?

Shopkeeper: No way. It's Christmas. People pay a buttload for them.

Dean: That's the spirit.

Dean: (holding up Sam's presents) Look at this. Fuel for me and fuel for my baby!

Dean: You fudge'n touch me again, I'll fudge'n kill you!

Sam: I don't get it. You haven't talked about Christmas for years.

Dean: Well, yeah. But this is my last year.

Sam: I know. That's why I can't.

Dean: What do you mean?

Sam: I mean, I can't just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything's okay, when I know next Christmas, you'll be dead. I just can't.

Sam: (getting off the phone with Bobby) Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Claus.

Dean: What'd Bobby say?

Sam: Uh, that we're morons.

Sam: Look, Dean. If you wanna have Christmas, knock yourself out. Just don't involve me.

Dean: Oh, yeah. That'd be great. Me and myself making cranberry molds.

Young Sam: Is Dad a spy?

Young Dean: He's James Bond.

Malleus Maleficarum [3.9]

Dean: What the hell were you thinking?

Sam: What? What the hell was I thinking?

Dean: She's a demon, Sam. We want them dead, they want us dead!

Sam: Look, I know it's dangerous, that she is dangerous, but like it or not, she's useful.

Dean: No! We kill her before she kills us.

Sam: Kill her with what? The gun she fixed for us?

Dean: Whatever works.

Sam: Dean, if she wants us dead, all she has to do is stop saving our lives.

Ruby: Put a leash on your brother, Sam - if you wanna keep him.

Dean: I hate witches. They're all spewing their body liquids everywhere. It's creepy. Hell, it's downright unsanitary!

Dean: Why does a rabbit always get screwed in the deal? Poor little guy.

Dean: Are you feeling okay?

Sam: Why are you always asking me that?

Dean: 'Cos you're taking advice from a demon for starters. And by the way, you seem less and less worried about offing people, you know, it used to eat you up inside.

Sam: Yeah, and what has that gotten?

Dean: Nothing, it's just what you're supposed to do, were supposed to drive the friggin car, and friggin argue about this stuff. You know, you go on about the sanctity of life and all that crap.

Sam: So your mad because I'm starting to agree with you?

Dean: No, not mad, I'm worried, because you're not acting yourself anymore.

Sam: Look, Dean, you're leaving, right? And I got to stay here in this crap hole of a world... alone. So, the way I see it, if I'm gonna make it, if I'm gonna fight this war after you're gone, then I got to change.

Dean: Change into what?

Sam: Into you. I got to be more like you.

Dean: You want to kill me. Get in line, bitch!

Ruby: Stop... calling me bitch.

Dean: You saved my life.

Ruby: Don't mention it.

Dean: What was that stuff? God, it was ass. It tasted like ass.

Ruby: It's witchcraft, short bus. (she leaves)

Dean: (mutters) You're the short bus, short bus...

Sam: It's not so simple. We're not just hunting anymore. We're at war.

Dean: They killed the nut job, should we thank them or what?

Sam: They're working black magic, too, Dean. They need to be stopped.

Dean: Stopped like stopped? They're human, Sam.

Sam: They're murderers.

Dean: Burn, witch, burn.

Dean: Freakin' witches!

Tammi: What did you think it was? Make believe? Positive thinking? The Secret?

Dean: So let me get this straight. You were human once. You died, you went to hell, and you became a...

Ruby: Yeah.

Ruby: You need to help me get him ready for life without you. To fight this war on his own.

Dean: Ruby? Why do you want us to win?

Ruby: Isn't it obvious? I'm not like them. I don't know why. I wish I was, but I'm not. I remember what it's like.

Dean: What what's like?

Ruby: Being human.

Ruby: That's what happens when you go to Hell, Dean. That's what Hell is. Forgetting who you are.

Ruby: The answer is yes, by the way.

Dean: Sorry?

Ruby: Yes, the same thing will happen to you. It might take centuries, but sooner or later, Hell will burn away your humanity. Every hell bound soul, every one, turns into something else. Turns you into us, so, yeah... yeah, you can count on it.

Dean: There's no way from saving me from the pit, is there?

Ruby: No.

Dean: So why'd you tell Sam you could help?

Ruby: To get him to talk to me. You Winchesters can be pretty bigoted.

Dream A Little Dream Of Me [3.10]

Dean: There you are. What are you doing?

Sam: Having a drink.

Dean: It's two in the afternoon. Drinking whiskey?

Sam: I drink whiskey all the time.

Dean: No, you don't.

Sam: The truth is, no one can save you.

Dean: What I've been telling you.

Sam: No, what I mean is no one can save you because you don't want to be saved.

Sam: What was Bobby doing in Pittsburgh?

Dean: I don't know, unless he was taking an extremely lame vacation.

Jeremy: I had this most vivid super intense dream, like a bad acid trip, you know...

Dean: Totally. (pause) I mean, no.

Dean: I take it we believe the legends.

Sam: When don't we?

Sam: You want to go dream walking inside Bobby's head?

Dean: Yeah, why not? Maybe we could help.

Sam: We have no idea what's crawling around in there.

Dean: How bad could it be?

Sam: Bad!

Dean: Dude... it's Bobby!

Sam: One problem though, we're fresh out of African Dream Root, so unless you know anyone who can score some...

Dean: Crap... Bela.

Sam: Bela? Crap.

Dean: (to sleeping Sam) Damn, wake up! (after Sam woke up from his dream of having sex with Bela) Dude, you were out... and making some serious happy noises. Who were you dreaming about?

Sam: What? No one. Nothing.

Dean: Come on, you can tell me. Angelina Jolie?

Sam: No!

Dean: Brad Pitt?

Sam: No. No!

Dean: Well, come on over here and help me translate some of this. I can barely read the handwriting.

Sam: Sure. (tries to stand up; looks back down, and realizes he's in a "compromising position") Just...hold on a sec.

Dean: Well, shall we dim the lights and sync up Wizard of Oz and Dark Side of the Moon?

Sam: Why?

Dean: What did you do in college?

Bobby: Before I knew it was him, he offered me a beer. I drank it. Dumbest friggin' thing.

Dean: Aw, I don't know. It wasn't that dumb.

Sam: Dean, you didn't.

Dean: I was thirsty.

Sam: That's great! Now he can come after either one of you.

Dean (Nightmare):What are the things you want?What are the things you dream?I mean your car-that's dad .. your favourite leather jacket-dad .. your music-dad.Do you even have an original thought?NO!!!All there is watch out for Sammy .. Look after your little brother, boy.You can still hear your dad voice in your head, can you?Clear as bell.

Dean (Real):Just shut up!

Dean (Nightmare): I mean, think about it. All he ever did was train you; boss you around. But Sam, Sam he doted on, Sam he loved.

Dean (Real): I mean it, I'm getting angry.

Dean (Nightmare): Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument.You're own father didn't care what you're lived or died.Why should you?

Dean (Real) : Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam, that was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He's the one who let mom die; who wasn't there for Sam, I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me and I don't deserve to go to hell!

Dean: Sam?

Sam: Yeah?

Dean: I've been doing some thinking. And well, the thing is, I don't want to die. I don't want to go to Hell.

Sam: Okay. We'll find a way to save you.

Dean: Okay, good.

Mystery Spot [3.11]

(Heat of The Moment is playing on the alarm as Sam sits up.)

Dean: Rise and shine, Sammy!

Sam: Dude, Asia?

Dean: Aw, come on, you love this song and you know it.

Sam: Yeah, and if I ever hear it again, I'm gonna kill myself.

(Dean points at Sam and headbangs. Sam laughs.)

Sam and Dean (in unison): Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out, Sam. Sam! You think you're funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up-

Dean: OK, enough!

Dean: Do these tacos taste funny to you?

(Sam wakes up to Asia): Heat of the moment!

Sam: I had a weird dream.

Dean: Yeah? Clowns or midgets?

Dean: So you think you're trapped in a... what again?

Sam: Eat your breakfast.

Dean: Aww, Sammy, I get all tingly when you take control like that!

Sam: (looking at alarm playing Back in Time) It's Wednesday!

Dean: Yeah, which usually comes after Tuesday. Turn that thing off, would ya?

Sam: What, are you kidding? This isn't the most beautiful song you ever heard?

Dean: No! Geez, how many Tuesdays did you have?

Sam: Yesterday was Tuesday - but today is Tuesday, too!

Dean: Yeah. You're totally balanced.

Sam: My point is I’ve lived through every possible Tuesday. I’ve watched you die every possible way. I’ve ripped apart the Mystery Spot, burned it down, done everything I can think of to save your life and I can’t. No matter what I do, you die. And then I wake up. And it’s Tuesday again.

Trickster: Dean's your weakness. The bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you've just gotta let people go.

Trickster: Sam, there's a lesson here that I've been trying to drill into that freakish Cro-Magnon skull of yours.

Trickster: Whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.

Dean: You mean we can't even go out for breakfast?

Sam: You'll thank me when it's Wednesday.

Dean: Whatever that means.

Dean: That's the car that hit me yesterday?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: Did it look cool, like in the movies?

Sam: You peed yourself.

Dean: Course, I peed myself. Man gets hits by a car, you think he has full control over his bladder?

Dean: Dude, how many Tuesdays did you have?

Sam: Enough.

Trickster (to Sam): I swear it's like talking to a brick wall. (pause) OK, look, this all stopped being fun months ago. You're Travis Bickle in a skirt pal. I'm over it.

Jus In Bello [3.12]

Henriksen: You know what I'm trying to decide?

Dean: Oh I don't know, what - whether Cialis will help you with your little condition?

Henriksen: I got a lot to celebrate, after all. Seeing you two in chains...

Dean: You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way!

Agent Henriksen: I shot the sheriff..

Dean: But you didn't shoot the deputy. (smirks)

Sam: You were possessed.

Henriksen: Possessed like... possessed?

Sam: That's what it feels like. Now you know.

Dean: I owe you the biggest "I told you so" ever.

Ruby: This spell is very specific. It calls for a person of virtue.

Dean: I got virtue.

Ruby: (smirks) Nice try! You're not a virgin.

Dean: Nobody's a virgin!

Dean: No... No way! You're kidding me, right? You've never had...? Never...? Not even once?

Nancy: What? It's a choice, okay!

Nancy: When this is all over, I am going to have so much sex...(glances at the officer next to her) but not with you.

Dean: Nobody kill any virgins!

Dean: It's like we got a contract on us. You think it's 'cause we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause we're so awesome.

Dean: (to Sam) I'm not going to let that demon kill some poor sweet innocent girl, who hasn't even been laid. If that's how you win wars, I don't want to win.

Dean: I have a plan. It's not a good one, but it's better than her's.

Sam: Ok, lets hear it.

Dean: We open the doors, we let 'em in, and we fight.

Ruby: Don't thank me. Lilith killed everyone. She slaughtered your precious little virgin, plus half a dozen other people. So after your big speech about humanity in war, it turns out that your plan was the one with the body-count. Do you know how to fight a battle? You strike fast and you don't leave any survivors. No one can go running to tell the boss. So next time, we go with my plan.

Ghost Facers [3.13]

Ed: We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike

Harry: Lazy fat cats!

Ed: Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?

Harry: Rats are like the rats of the world.

Ed: Listen here, Chiseled Chest!

Ed: Don't be Facer haters.

Dean: There's some salt in my duffel bag. Make a circle and get inside.

Ed: Inside your duffel bag?

Dean: In the salt, you idiot!!

Spruce: What's this guy Daggett's problem, anyway?

Sam: Loneliness.

Dean: What, he's never heard of a Real Doll?

Harry: You know what this means. You have to go gay for the dead intern.

Ed: We thought we were teaching you. All this time you were teaching us about heart and dedication and about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day.

Dean: You know I kind of I think it was half awesome.

Maggie: Half awesome, th-that's full on good! Right?

Sam: Yeah, it's bizarre how y'all are able to-to uh...honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done.

Dean: You guys are walking a tight rope.

Sam: Alright guys.

Ed: No that's really man. You see Corbett gave his life in search of the truth, and it's our job over here to share it with the world.

Sam: Right, uh, our experience, you know what you get when you show the world the truth?

Dean: A straight-jacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.

Harry: Oh come on guys don't be Facer-haters cause we happen to have gotten the footage of the century.

Ed: Oh yah.

Dean:...They got us there. Well, we'll see you guys around.

Spruce: Peaceout.

Harry: Dicks.

Long-Distance Call [3.14]

Sam: (about demon) And it's following you because...?

Dean: I guess I'm big game, you know? My ass is too sweet to let out of sight.

Dean: Well, I just talked to an 83-year-old woman who has phone sex with her dead husband.

Sam: Ew.

Dean: Yeah. Gives a whole new meaning to the word necrophilia.

Sam: Dean, it's not Dad.

Dean: Then what is it?

Sam: A Crocotta.

Dean: Is that a sandwich?

Dean: And the only one who person can get me out of this thing is me.

Sam: And me.

Dean: "And me"?

Sam:What?

Dean: Deep revelation, having a deep moment here. That's what you come back with? "And me"?

Sam: Do you want a poem?

Dean: Moment's gone. Unbelievable.

Time Is On My Side [3.15]

Sam: Even if you had the Colt, Dean, who're you gonna shoot? We've no idea who holds the ticket!

Dean: Well, shoot the hellhounds before they slash me up! Now, you comin' or not?

Dean: No you're not. I'm not gonna let you go wandering around the forest tracking some down some organ-stealing freak!

Doctor: Didn't you read my report?

Dean: Of course we did. Oh, it was riveting, a real page-turner. Just delightful.

Doctor: You done?

Dean: I think so.

Doctor: Please, go away.

Dean: Okay.

Sam: Sure.

Sam: I talked to Mr. Beetle's doctor. Turns out his incisions were sewn up with silk.

Dean: That's weird?

Sam: Yeah, nowadays it is, but silk used to be the suture of choice back in the early 19th-century. It was really problematic. Patients would get massive infections, the death rate was insane.

Dean: Good times.

Sam: Right. So, doctors, they had to do whatever they could to keep the infections from spreading. One way was maggots.

Dean: Dude, I'm eating.

Sam: It actually kind of worked because maggots, they eat the bad tissue and they leave good tissue. And get this: When they found our guy, his body cavity was stuffed full of maggots.

Dean: Dude, I'm eating!

Dean: (to his burger) No, baby, I can't stay mad at you.

Coroner: So you're cops and morons.

Dean: Excuse me? No, no. We're very smart!

Dean: I mean obviously I wanna hunt some zombies.

No Rest for the Wicked [3.16]

Ruby: Oh, so you're just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine. You deserve hell. I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones! I wish I could be there to hear you scream!

Dean: And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.

Dean: Sammy, all I'm saying is that you're my weak spot. You are! And I'm yours.

Sam: You don't mean that. We're--we're family.

Dean: I know. And those evil son of bitches know it too.

Sam: I'm not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!

Dean: Yes, you are! Yes, you are! I'm sorry! I mean this is all my fault. I know that. But what you're doing is not gonna save me. It's only gonna kill you.

Sam: Then what am I supposed to do?

Dean: Keep fighting.

Lilith: (to Dean) I don't answer to Puppy Chow.

Lazurus Rising [4.01]

Dean: Surprise.

Bobby: I, I don't...

Dean: Yeah, me neither. But here I am. (Suddenly, BOBBY attacks Dean.)Bobby! It's me!

Bobby: My ass!

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Your name is Robert Steven Singer. You became a hunter after your wife got possessed, and... you're about the closest thing I have to a father. Bobby. It's me. I am not a shapeshifter!

Bobby: Then you're a Revenant!

Dean: All right. If I was either, could I do this – with a silver knife?

Bobby: Dean?

Dean: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Bobby: It's... It's good to see you, boy.

Dean: Yeah, you too.

Bobby: But... how did you bust out?

Dean: I don't know. I just, uh, I just woke up in a pine box...

Dean: I'm not a demon either, you know.

Bobby: Sorry. Can't be too careful.

Bobby: But... that don't make a lick of sense.

Dean: Yeah. Yeah, you're preachin' to the choir.

Bobby: Dean. Your chest was ribbons, your insides were slop. And you've been buried four months. Even if you could slip out of hell and back into your meat suit,

Dean: I know, I should look like a Thriller video reject.

Bobby: What do you remember?

Dean: Not much. I remember I was a Hellhound's chew toy, and then... lights out. Then I come to six feet under, that was it.

Hot girl: So where is it?

Dean: Where's what?

Hot girl: The pizza... that takes two guys to deliver?

Dean: I think we got the wrong room.

Dean: I know. I look fantastic, huh?

Hot girl: So are you two like... together?

Sam: What? No. No. He's my brother.

Hot girl: Uh... got it. I... I guess.

Dean: So tell me, what'd it cost?

Sam: The girl? I don't pay, Dean.

Sam: I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, all right? Dean, I'm sorry.

Dean: It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you.

Bobby: Don't get me wrong, I'm gladdened that Sam's soul remains intact, but it does raise a sticky question.

Dean: If he didn't pull me out, then what did?

Bobby: How you feelin', anyway?

Dean: I'm a little hungry.

Dean: (points to an iPod in his car) What in the hell is that?

Sam: That's an iPod jack.

Dean: I told you to take care of her, not to douche her up.

Dean: Who's Jesse?

Pamela: Well, it wasn't forever.

Dean: His loss.

Pamela: Might be your gain.

Dean: Dude, I am so in.

Sam: Yeah, she's gonna eat you alive.

Dean: Hey, I just got out of jail. Bring it.

Pamela: You're invited too, grumpy.

Dean:You are NOT invited.

Pamela: Right. Take each other's hands. And I need to touch something our mystery monster touched.

Dean: Whoa. Well, he didn't touch me there.

Pamela: My mistake.

Dean: That's a hell of an art project you've got going there.

Bobby: Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe. How you doin?

Dean: Stakes, iron, silver, salt, knife. I mean, we're pretty much set to catch and kill anything I've ever heard of.

Bobby: This is still a bad idea.

Dean: Yeah, Bobby, I heard you the first ten times. What do you say we ring the dinner bell?

Female Demon: Dean, to hell and back. So you get to just stroll out of the Pit, huh? Tell me, what makes you so special?

Dean: I like to think it's my perky nipples.

Ruby: So. Million dollar question, are you going to tell Dean about what we're doing?

Sam: Yeah, I just gotta figure out the right way to say it. Look, I just need time, okay? That's all.

Ruby: Sam, he's going to find out, and if it's not from you he's going to be pissed.

Sam: He's going to be pissed anyway. I mean, he's so hardheaded about this psychic stuff he'll just try and stop me.

Ruby: Look. Maybe I'll just take a step back for a while.

Sam: Ruby, you...

Ruby: I mean, I'm not exactly in your brother's fanclub. But he is your brother, and I'm not going to come between you.

Sam: I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Hell, I don't even know if I trust you.

Ruby: Thanks.

Sam: But what I do know is that I'm saving people. And stopping demons. And that feels good. I want to keep going.

Dean: You sure you did the ritual right?

Dean: Who are you?

Castiel: I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.

Castiel: We need to talk, Dean. Alone.

Castiel: Your friend's alive.

Dean: Who are you?

Castiel: Castiel.

Dean: Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?

Castiel: I'm an Angel of the Lord.

Dean: Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing.

Castiel: This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith. wings appear

Dean: Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes.

Castiel: I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that.

Dean: You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you talking?

Castiel: That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong.

Dean: And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?

Castiel: This? This is... a vessel.

Dean: You're possessing some poor bastard?

Castiel: He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this.

Dean: Well, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?

Castiel: (frowning) I told you.

Dean: Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?

Castiel: Good things do happen, Dean.

Dean: Not in my experience.

Castiel: What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?

Dean: Why'd you do it?

Castiel: Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you.

Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester [4.02]

Dean: Look, all i know is i was not groped by an angel.

Dean: Don't you think that if angels were real, That some hunter somewhere Would have seen one... at some point...ever?

Sam: Yeah. You just did, Dean.

Dean: I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me.

Sam: Dean,we have a theory.

Dean: Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it,please.

Bobby: You two chuckle heads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?

Bobby: Airlift your ass out of the hot box? As far as I can tell, nothing.

Dean: I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the stealing and ditching chicks But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy.

Sam: Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs.

Dean: Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties... much less by... God.

Sam: Okay, well, too bad, Dean. Because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat.

Dean: You're gonna get me some pie.

Sam: Yes, Dean, I'll get the chips. Dude. When have I ever forgotten the pie? Exactly.

Dean: Dude?

Sam: Yeah?

Dean: Where's the pie?

Dean: EMF, Olivia was rocking the EMF meter.

Sam: Spirit activity.

Dean: Yeah... On steroids. I never seen a ghost do this to a person.

Bobby: I called some hunters nearby...

Dean: Good. We can use their help.

Bobby: ...except they ain't answering their phones either.

Sam: Somethings up, huh?

Bobby: You think?

Dean: Come out, come out, whoever you are.

Sam: Okay, Where are we going?

Bobby: Some place safe, you idiot.

Bobby: Do I look like I know?

Dean: See, this is why I can't get behind god.

Sam: What are you talking about?

Dean: If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason -- Just random, horrible, evil -- I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?

Bobby: I ain't touching this one with at 10-Foot pole.

Sam: Okay,so,what do we do now?

Dean: Road trip. Grand canyon, Star Trek experience. Bunny ranch.

Bobby: It's a spell to send the witnesses back to rest. Should work...

Sam: Should. Great.

Bobby: ...if i translate it correctly. I think i got everything we need here at the house.

Dean: Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?

Bobby: So, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden? Spell's got to be cast over an open fire.

Sam: The fireplace in the library.

Bobby: Bingo.

Dean: That's just not as appealing as a ghost-proof panic room, you know?

Dean: Ronald. Hey, come on, man. I thought we were pals.

Ronald: That's when I was breathing. Now I'm gonna eat you alive.

Dean: Well... come on, I'm not a cheeseburger.

Meg: You saw how I suffered for months. I thought you must have learned something. I thought I died for something. But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby? How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks? How many girls just like me? And you don't send her back to Hell? You're a monster!

Sam: You built a panic room??

Bobby: I had a weekend off.

Dean: Bobby, you're awesome!

Meg: Dean Winchester, still bossy. You don't recognize me? This is what I looked like before that demon cut off my hair and dressed me like a slut.

Dean: Meg.

Meg: Hi! It's okay, I'm not a demon.

Dean:You're the girl that demon possessed.

Meg: Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not .. you know ... choking in my own blood. It's okay. Seriously I'm just a college girl... sorry, was. I was walking home one night when I got chump by the smoke. Next thing you know I was prisoner in here. You know I was a wake? I had to watch while she murdered people.

Dean: Sorry.

Meg: Oh yeah, so sorry you had me. You threw me from a building.

Dean: We thought...

Meg: No, you didn't think. I kept waiting, preying, I was trapped in there, screaming at you just to help me, please. You were supposed to help people, Dean, but why didn't you help me.

Dean: I'm sorry.

Meg: Stop saying you're sorry.

Castiel: Excellent job with the witnesses.

Dean: You were hip to all this?

Castiel: I was, uh, made aware.

Dean: Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance. You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest.

Castiel: But you didn't.

Dean: I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- You know, Michael Landon. Not dicks.

Castiel: Read the bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier.

Dean: Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?

Castiel: I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns.

Dean: Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here! And, by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God?

Castiel: There's a God.

Dean: I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?

Castiel: The lord works...

Dean: If you say "mysterious ways," so help me, I will kick your ass. So, Bobby was right... About the witnesses... this is some kind of a... sign of the apocalypse.

Castiel: That's why we're here. Big things afoot.

Dean: Do I want to know what kind of things?

Castiel: I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals.

Dean: Okay. I'm guessing that's not a show at Seaworld.

Castiel: Those seals are being broken by Lilith.

Dean: She did the spell. She rose the witnesses.

Castiel: Mm-Hmm. And not just here. 20 other hunters are dead.

Dean: Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save So that they would barrel right after us.

Castiel: Lilith has a certain sense of humor.

Dean: Well, we put those spirits back to rest.

Castiel: It doesn't matter. The seal was broken.

Dean: Why break the seal anyway?

Castiel: You think of the seals as locks on a door.

Dean: ... okay. Last one opens and...

Castiel: Lucifer walks free.

Dean: Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at demon Sunday school. There's no such thing.

Castiel: Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?

Dean: To stop Lucifer.

Castiel: That's why we've arrived.

Dean: Well... bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice.

Castiel: We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in.

In The Beginning [4.03]

Castiel: Hello Dean. What were you dreaming about?

Dean: What do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep? What do you want?

Dean: Know where I can get any reception? (referring to his cell phone)

Young John: The U.S.S. Enterprise?

Dean: Thanks...nice threads. You know Sonny and Cher broke up right?

Young John: Sonny and Cher broke up?

Dean: What is this?

Castiel: What does it look like?

Dean: Is it real?

Castiel: Very.

Dean: Okay, so what? Angels got their hands on some Deloreans? How did I get here?

Castiel: Time is fluid Dean, it's not easy, but we can bend it on occasion.

Dean: Well bend it back or tell me what the hell I'm doing here!

Castiel: I told you, you have to stop it.

Dean: Stop what? What, is there something nasty after my Dad?

Dean: Oh, come on! What are you allergic to straight answers you son of a bitch?!

Dean: Sammy wherever you are, Mom is a babe. I'm going to Hell. Again.

Samuel Campbell: She wants to hunt, she doesn't want to hunt. Is this some female "time of the month" thing?

Dean: Samuel and Deanna?

Dean: What about the rest of the town? Well, did you find anything on the web? ...of information that you have assembled.

Deanna: Electrical storms maybe, the weather service graphs should be here on Friday.

Dean: By mail?

Samuel: No, we hired a jet liner to fly 'em to us overnight.

Samuel: Father, I see you beat me here.

Dean: The Lord is funny that way. Beth Whitshire, this is my associate, our senior- senior priest, Father Chaney.

Dean: So what? God's my copilot is that it?

Dean: Well, you're a regular chatty Kathy. Tell me something, Sam would have wanted in on this, why not bring him back?

Castiel: You had to do this alone, Dean.

Dean: And you don't care that he's tearing up the future looking for me right now?

Castiel: Sam's not looking for you.

Dean: Alright, if I do this, then the family curse breaks right? Mom and Dad live happily ever after, and- and, Sam and I grow up playing little league and chasing tail?

Castiel: You realize, if you do alter the future, your father, you, Sam, you'll never become hunters. And all those people you saved, they'll die.

Dean: I realize.

Castiel: And you don't care?

Dean: Oh, I care. I care a lot, but these are my parents, I'm not gonna let them die again. I can't, no, not if I can stop it.

Yellow eyed demon: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter no ones breeding with me. Though, Mary? Man, I'd like to make an exception, so far, she's my favorite.

Young Mary: You know what the worst thing is I can think of, the very worst thing? It's for my children raised into this like I was.

Dean: Promise me something, no matter how weird it sounds. On November 2nd, 1983, don't get out of bed. No matter what you hear, or what you see. Promise me you won't get out of bed.

Dean: I couldn't stop any of it, she still made the deal, she still died in the nursery didn't she?

Castiel: Don't be too hard on yourself, you couldn't have stopped it.

Dean: What?

Castiel: Destiny can't be changed Dean, all roads lead to the same destination.

Castiel: Your brother is headed down a dangerous road, Dean. And we don't know where it leads. So stop it... or we will.

Metamorphosis [4.04]

Sam: Where's Lilith?

Demon: Kiss my ass.

Sam: I'd watch myself if I were you.

Demon: Why? Huh? Because you're Sam Winchester, Mr. Big Hero? And yet here you are, slutting around with some demon. Real hero.

Sam: Shut your mouth.

Demon: Tell me about those months without your brother. About all the things you and this demon bitch do in the dark.

Dean: So... Anything you wanna tell me, Sam?

Sam: Dean, hold on, okay? Just let me...

Dean: You gonna say, "let me explain"? You're gonna explain this? How about this? Why don't you start with who she is, and what the hell is she doing here?

Sam: Ruby! Stop it!

Dean: Well, aren't you an obedient little bitch?

Sam: Dean, what are you doing? What, are you, are you leaving?

Dean: You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons.

Sam: Hold on. Dean, come on, man. (Dean punches Sam in the face) You satisfied? (Dean hits him again) I guess not.

Dean: Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human?

Sam: I'm just exorcising demons.

Dean: With your mind! What else can you do?

Sam: I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it.

Dean: What else can you do?!

Sam: I told you!

Dean: And I have every reason in the world to believe that.

Sam: Look, I should have said something. I'm sorry, Dean. I am. But try to see the other side here.

Dean: The other side?

Sam: I'm pulling demons out of innocent people.

Dean: Use the knife!

Sam: The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year.

Dean: That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends.

Sam: I'm not gonna let it go too far.

Dean: It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you. And so would other hunters.

Sam: You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works.

Dean: Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me? Why did an angel tell me to stop you?

Sam: What?

Dean: Cas' said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?

Sam: I should have told you. I'm sorry.

Dean: You've been saying that a lot lately, Sam. But whatever. You don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It's fine.

Dean: Are you sure that's him?

Sam: Only Jack Montgomery in town.

Dean: And we're looking for...

Sam: Travis said to keep an eye out for anything weird.

Dean: Weird?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: Alright, well, yeah, I've seen big weird, little weird, weird with crazy on top. But this guy? I mean, come on, this guy's boring.

Sam: I don't know, Dean. Travis seemed pretty sure. (Jack Montgomery starts to eat raw meat) I'd say that qualifies as weird.

Travis: You still a.. oh, what was it... a mathlete?

Sam: No.

Dean: Yep, sure is.

Dean: Well, he had a hell of a case of the munchies, topped off with a burger he forgot to cook.

Travis: Boys, we got a rougarou on our hands.

Dean: A rougarou? Is that made up? That sounds made up.

Travis: The last step comes with eating long pig.

Dean: (doesn't get it) Long pig?

Sam: He means human, human flesh.

Dean: My word of the day!

Dean: Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress with his KY.

Sam: You want to know why I've been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this.

Dean: Like what?

Sam: The way you talk to me, the way you look at me like I'm a freak!

Dean: I do not.

Sam: You know, or even worse, like I'm an idiot! Like I don't know the difference between right and wrong! What?

Dean: Do you know the difference, Sam? I mean, you've been kind of strolling a dark road lately.

Sam: You have no idea what I'm going through. None.

Dean: Well then enlighten me!

Sam: I've got demon blood in me, Dean. This disease pumping through my veins and I can't ever rip it out or scrub it clean. I'm a whole new level of freak! And I'm just trying to take this - this curse... and make something good out of it. Because I have to.

Sam: (to Jack Montgomery) Listen to me, you've got this dark pit inside you. I know. Believe me, I know. But that doesn't mean you have to fall into it. You don't have to be a monster...It doesn't matter what you are. It only matters what you do. It's your choice.

Dean: You did the right thing, you know. That guy was a monster, there was no going back. Sam, I wanna tell you I'm sorry. I've been kind of hard on you lately.

Sam: Don't worry about it, Dean.

Dean: It's just that your, uh, your psychic thing, it scares the crap out of me.

Sam: Look, if it's all the same... I'd really rather not talk about it.

Dean: Wait. What? You don't want to talk? You?

Sam: There's nothing more to say. I can't keep explaining myself to you. I can't make you understand.

Dean: Why don't you try?

Sam: I can't. Because this thing, this blood, it's not in you the way it's in me. It's just something I got to deal with.

Dean: Not alone.

Sam: Anyway, it doesn't matter. These powers... it's playing with fire. I'm done with them. I'm done with everything.

Dean: Really? Well, that's a relief. Thank you.

Sam: Don't thank me. I'm not doing it for you. Or for the angels or for anybody. This is my choice.

Monster Movie [4.05]

Dean: It's like the good old days! An honest-to-goodness monster hunt! It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black-and-white case.

Dean: I've been re-hymenated!

Sam: What?

Dean: See, I'm a maverick, ma'am. [Sam rolls his eyes] Rebel with a badge. One thing I don't play by- the rules.

Sam: Okay, let's go, maverick.

Dean: I don't think we're staying on the case.

Jamie: What, too weird for you?

Dean: Not weird enough.

Sam: [tries to tear out Ed's ear] It's supposed to come off.

Ed Brewer: No, it's not!

Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh, pizza delivery?

Dracula: Ah, you have brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.

Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh-huh. That'll be $15.50.

Dracula: Tell me…

Pizza Delivery Guy: Yeah?

Dracula: Is there… garlic on this pizza?

Pizza Delivery Guy: I don't know. Did you order garlic?

Dracula: No!

Pizza Delivery Guy: Then no. Look, mister, I've got four other deliveries to make. You want to just pay me the money so I can go?

Dracula: Of course. Yes. But I have a coupon.

Dean: We still got to see the new "raiders" movie.

Sam: Saw it.

Dean: Without me?

Sam: You were in hell.

Dean: That's no excuse!

Dean: If I was going to make a movie come to life, I wouldn't choose "Abbott & Costello Meet the Monsters."

Sam: No, I know what movie you'd pick.

Dean: No you don't.

Sam: Yes, I do.

[Dean looks at him skeptically]

Sam: Porky's 2.

Dean: Lucky guess.

Yellow Fever [4.06]

(Dean's running down the street in sheer panic)

Dean: Run! It'll kill you!

(camera pans down to a adorable Yorkie wearing a ribbon)

(Sam and Dean walk to hotel)

Dean: Hang on.

Sam: What?

Dean: I don't like the look of those teenagers over there. Let's walk this way. (Walks in opposite direction)

Sam: Dude, you're going 20.

Dean: And?

Sam: That's the speed limit.

Dean: What? Safety's a crime now?

Sam: Dude, where are you going? That was our hotel.

Dean: Sam, I'm not gonna make a left-hand turn into oncoming traffic. I'm not suicidal. Did I just say that? That was kind of weird.

Dean: But why me? Why not you? I mean you got hit with the spleen juice.

Sam: Yeah, uh, you see Bobby and I have a theory about that too. Turns out all three victims shared a certain…personality type. Fred was a bully, the other two victims, one was a vice principal the other was a bouncer.

Dean: Okay?

Sam: Basically they were all dicks.

Dean: So you're saying I'm a dick?

Sam: No, no, no it's not just that. All three victims used fear as a weapon. And now this disease is just returning the favor.

Dean: I don't scare people.

Sam: Dean, all we do is scare people.

Dean: Okay, well, then you're a dick too.

Sam: Apparently I'm not.

Dean: Whatever.

Sam: Hey, what are you doing waiting out here, anyway?

Dean: (Looks up at the hotel) Our room's on the fourth floor. It's... it’s high.

Sam: I'll see if I can move us down to the first.

Dean: Thanks.

Sam hands Dean a handgun

Dean: Oh, I'm not carrying that. (Sam gives him a look) It could go off. (grabs a flashlight) I'll man the flashlight.

Sam: You do that.

Sam: 1...2...3! (Opens locker to reveal a meowing kitten)

Dean: (Lets out long, girly scream) That was scary!

(Sam and Dean hand fake FBI IDs to John)

Dean: (looking nervous) Those are real. Obviously. (Sam clears his throat) I mean, why would we pretend to be FBI agents? That's just nutty, huh?! (Sam nudges him)

Dean: What are we doing?

Sam: We're hunting a ghost.

Dean: A ghost, exactly. Who does that?

Sam: Us.

Dean: Us, right. And that Sam is exactly why our lives suck. C’mon, we hunt monsters! What the hell? I mean, normal people, they see a monster and they run. But not us, no no no, we search out things that want to kill us! Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We ... are insane! You know, and then there’s the crappy diner food and the skivvy motel rooms and the truck stop waitress with the bizarre rash. I mean, who wants this life, Sam? Seriously! Do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day every single day? I don’t think so! I drive too fast and I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again and I sing along and I’m annoying and I know that. And you…you’re gassy! You eat half a burrito and you get toxic! You know what, you can forget it.

Sam: Dean, where're you going?

Dean: Stay away from me Sam, because I am done with it. I am done with the monsters and the hell hounds and the damn ghost sickness and the whole apocalypse. I’m out, I’m done, I quit.

Sam: You can read Japanese?

Bobby: (Answers in Japanese)

Sam: Guess so, show-off.