Directed by Jim Kammerud. Sceenplay by Roger S. H. Schulman

Tod

• (seeing Copper caught on top of a fence) Ha-ha-ha! We chasing crickets, or are we just hanging out?

Amos Slade

• (commenting on Copper's howl) I must be going deaf. I said howl!
• (when Copper goes off the trail) (groans) Pup's as useful as a milk bucket under a bull.
• (to Copper) You couldn't find a rabbit at a petting zoo on Easter Sunday.

Lyle Snodgrass

• Oh, I can tell right now, this is gonna be the worst show of all time! It's gonna be the worst! (goes through curtain, sticks his head back in) OK, let's have fun out there!

Dialogue

(discussing a cricket)

Copper: There you are, Tod.

Tod: Shh. I found one.

(peering through grass)

Copper: No way! Look at the size of that thing.

Tod: Sure is ugly.

Copper: It's a monster!

Tod: I can smell its evil breath from here. (sniffs)

Copper: No, uh, that's me. I had socks for lunch.

Tod: Ugh!

Widow Tweed: (chuckles) You're going to lose your head one of these days, Amos Slade.

Amos Slade: It's my head, woman!

Widow Tweed: Amos Slade, I told you to keep your beast away from my Tod! That mangy hound of yours just cost me a bucket of milk!

Amos Slade: (dragging himself out of the pigpen) Your fox was after my chickens, Tweed! What do I care about your milk?

Widow Tweed: Well, as long as you're wasting my milk, you may as well have some pie to go along with it.

(Copper, Tod, and Chief exchange confused looks)

Amos Slade: What the dickens are you...

(Widow Tweed throws the pie in his face)

Copper: (hearing the Singin' Strays rehearsing) There's that sound again. Sounds pretty good.

Tod: Sounds like somebody got their tail stuck in a door.

Cash: (describing Dixie under his breath) Voice like an angel...with looks to match.

Granny Rose: Oh, please.

Dixie: (afteer getting whacked by a loose floorboard) Darn this one-horse, two-bit, free-timing fair!

Cash: Now, Dixie, it ain't like it smacked your singing. Can we get back to rehearsing, please?

Dixie: I refuse to work under these conditions.

Granny Rose: Uh-oh. Here we go.

Cash: Well, I'll tell you what, Dixie. You rehearse, and afterwards I'll give that piece of wood a good ol' talking-to.

Floyd:I got two bones on Dixie.

Waylon:I'll cover that.

Dixie: It just so happens I am a professional, and my standards...

Cash: Oh, now Dixie, darling, you put on that same old record evey day. Ain't it just about wore out by now?

Dixie: You have some nerve talking to me that way, Cash. If your ear were any more tin, they could can beans with it.

Cash: Well, you listen to me, Miss Fancy Tail. In a couple of days, we will be in front of that talent scout from the Grand Old Opry.

Dixie: I get possibly maimed for life, and all you can talk about is the Grand Old Opry?

Cash: Oh, now, Dixie...

Dixie: I'll be in my trailer.

Cash: Darling, we got a show to do. You can't just walk...

(Dixie leaves)

Cash: ...away. (long pause as Floyd pays Waylon on their bet) Sometimes I dislike that woman.

Granny Rose: (chuckling) If they disliked each other any more they' have to get hitched.

Dixie: Just what do you think you're doing?

Cash: A little audience participation. And that kid wowed em!

Dixie: Kid? What kid?

Copper: Bye, Mr. Cash.

Cash: (laughs) That kid.

Granny Rose: Little critter was heaven-sent.

Dixie: That sang my lead?

Cash: Oh, no. He didn't just sing it. He sang it.

Dixie: You don't mean to tell me that that wet-behind-the-ears puppy could ever take my place in a band.

Cash: I didn't say that. Although he does have that refreshing, blooming youth about him.

Dixie: (taking this as a comment about her appearance) (gasps) Just what exacly are you saying?

Cash: Well what do you think I'm saying?

Dixie: You'd better not be saying what I think you're saying.

Cash: I think you know what I think I'm saying.

Dixie: I think you'd better know that what you're saying isn't what I think you're saying.

Cash: Why do you always...

Dixie: Only 'cause you never...

Cash: What if I said to you...

Dixie: You know what I say?

Cash: Ooh! You know, this is just like the time when you...

Dixie: (stammering) You'd better not bring that up.

Cash: Hmph! Well, I think we've both been perfectly clear.

Dixie: Ooh, perfectly. I quit!

Cash: Huh?

Cash: (After the bus pinches his nose and mouth together;) Now you've got me ried.

Dixie: (After learning she is fired and the bus does the same to Dixie like Cash earlier) Now you've got me ried.

Olivia Farmer: Hi, there.

Winchell P. Bickerstaff: (laughing) Well, who are you?

Olivia Farmer: Olivia Farmer, designated chaperone to Winchell P. Bickerstaff, talent scout from the Gand Old Opry. That's you.

Winchell P. Bickerstaff: Ahem. Chaperone, huh?

Olivia Farmer: I'm working to get my community service merit badge.

Winchell P. Bickerstaff: Well, that's quite admirable, little lady.

Olivia Farmer: Then I'll have more than Sally Ann Merrybaum. (angrily) Thinks she's so great.

Olivia Farmer: Wasn't he amazing, the way he ate fire, Mr. Bickerstaff? (looking up at his face, which is out of view of the camera) Maybe you shouldn't have stood so close.

Winchell P. Bickerstaff: (coughs) Now you tell me.

Zelda: Honey, I don't blame you for feeling hurt.

Dixie: Hurt? What do you mean by that? You think Cash could hurt me?

(Zelda gives Dixie a skeptical look)

Dixie: Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat.

(Zelda clears her throat)

Dixie: Uh, no offense.

Dixie: Well, there you go, Cash. You just got what you always wanted.

Cash: Well maybe I had it all along.

Dixie: (eyes widen) Well, what are you saying?

Cash: Well, what do you think I'm saying?

Dixie: Well, you'd better be saying what I think you're saying.

Cash: Well, I think you know what I'm saying is what you think I'm saying.

Dixie: Well, I thought you'd never ask.