The Ugly Truth (film) Quotations

Madagascar is a 2005 animated film about four Central Park Zoo animals who have spent their lives in blissful captivity and are unexpectedly shipped back to Africa, becoming shipwrecked on the island of Madagascar.

Directed by Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath. Written by Mark Burton, Billy Frolick, Eric Darnell, and Tom McGrath.

Someone's got a zoo loose.Taglines

Marty the Zebra

I'm ten years old, my life's half over. And I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes.

Alex, do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming. If a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.

Grand Central Station. It's Grand, and it's Central.

(breaking the silence) It's the man!

Dagnabbit! I missed the express! Looks like I have to take the Stanford local.

Oh sugar, honey, iced tea!

Excuse me. You're biting my butt.

Alex the Lion

Here come the people, Marty! I love the people! It's fun-people-fun-time!

We can't call the people. They'll be really mad! They'll get Marty transfered for good! You don't bite the hand that feeds ya!

Come on, my little fillet. My little fillet mignon with a little fat around those edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak, my sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy...

Did he just say "Grand Central Station" or "My aunt's constipation"?

I feel like a mile-high pastrami on rye, on the fly from the deli in the sky! Let's go WILD!

[as he is beaten up by an old woman] Lady! What is wrong with you?!

Giraffe, corner pocket!

Shut up, Spalding.

You bit the hand, Marty! You bit the hand!

I'M GONNA KILL YOU! I'm gonna strangle you, then bury you, then dig you up and clone you and kill all your clones! And then I'll never talk to you AGAIN!

[in the middle of an argument with Marty] And your black and white stripes? They cancel each other out! You're nothing!

[to Marty, after the island is divided between them and Marty calls his side the fun side] This is the fun side! This is where we are gonna have a great time surviving until we go home! Your side stinks! You're on the Jersey side of this cesspool!

I don't know who I am! I don't know who I am? I gotta go find myself in the WILD!

Melman the Giraffe

Okay, listen up. You know how I have that bladder infection, and I wake up every two hours? Well, I got up to pee and, um, I looked over in Marty's pen which, you know, I normally don't do - I don't know why, but I did - but...

WAIT! It's Gloria! It's Gloriaaaaaaaa! Oh, it really is Gloria. Phew!

[after they discover Marty's disappearance] What are we gonna do?! We gotta-- we gotta-- I mean, we got, we gotta... we gotta call somebody!

I'm not smiling, it's gas.

Man, sleeping just knocks me out.

Ahhh, nature! It's all over me, get it off!

They are so cute from a reasonable distance.

Gloria the Hippo

It's okay. Cats always land on their... face? What kind of cat are you?

Don't you shush me!

Alrighty boys, fun's over.

Let's make gas look good.

Come on, we are New Yorkers, right? We're tough! We're gritty! We're adaptable! And we are not gonna lay down like a bunch of Melmans!

Don't make me come up there, I'll get the whuppin' on both of y'all.

Skipper the Penguin

Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly!

You didn't see anything... RIGHT?

We've been ratted out, boys!

Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend?

You, Quadruped! Sprechen sie Englisch? What continent is this? Hoover Dam, we're still in New York!

Don't gimme excuses, gimme results!

Let's get this tin can turned around!

Well done boys, looks like ice-cold sushi for breakfast.

Hoover Dam!

Well boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do. Captain's log: embarking into hostile territory. Kowalski! We'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico, we'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive.

[Gloria asks him where the people are] We killed 'em and ate their livers. [Gloria stares in shock] Gotcha, didn't i?

King Julien XIII

Shush! We are hiding! Everyone be quiet, including me. Shhh! Who's making that noise?! Oh, it's me again.

All we have to do is wait until they are deep in their sleep. [long pause] HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?!

Good morning, Mister Alex. Rise and shining. Wakey, waking, Mister Alex! WAKE UP! ALEX! Oh, you suck your thumb?

You see, Maurice? Mister Alex was grooming his friend. He is clearly a tender, loving... thing. How could you have the heebie-jeebies for Mister Alex? He's so cute, and plushy!

Excuse me? We bozos have de people, of course!

Don't you just love de people? Not a very lively bunch though.

A bullseye! Excellent shot, Maurice!

Shame on you, Maurice! Can you not see that you have insulted the freak?

The plan worked! The plan worked! I'm very clever! I'm the one, baby! Come on! Time to robot! I am very clever king. Tok tok tok. I am super genius. I am robot king of the monkey things. Compute, compute.

I have an announcement to make, so quiet everyone! quiet!

After much deep and profound brain things inside my head, I have decided to thank you for bringing peace to our homeland. And to make you feel good, I am offering you this lovely parting gift. (Alex rejects Julien's crown) Yes you can. I have a bigger one, it has a gecko on it. Look at him shake, go Stevie go!

When the New York Giants fall asleep, we will make sure that they wake up in paradise. Now who'd like a cookie?

Okey dokey, Maurice. I admit it. The plan failed. All is lost! We are all doomed! The Foosas will come back and gobble us with their mouths, because! We are all steak.

See you later, crocodile! Maurice, my arm is tired. Wave it for me. Faster, you naughty little monkey!

All hail the New York Giants!

Well Maurice, it could be said that my plan is working in very a clever, good, working... um, kind of way.

Maurice, you did not raise your hand. Therefore your heinous comment will be stricken from the record. Does anyone else have the heebie-jeebies? No? Good. So shut up!

No matter, I don't care.

If he is a king, then where is his crown? I've got a crown, I've got a very nice one, and it's here on my head. Have I got it on?

They are just a bunch of pansies. Come on everybody! Let's go and meet the pansies!

They're aliens... Savage aliens! From the savage future!

Get up Mort! Do not be near the King's feet ok?

What did I tell you? I told you... I told you about the feet! Did I not tell him about the feet?

Maurice the Aye-Aye

Announcing the royal and illustrious King Julien the Thirteenth, self proclaimed Lord of the Lemurs, et cetera, et cetera, hooray everybody.

I'm telling you, that dude just gives me the heebidabajeebies!

Your friend here is what we call a deluxe hunting and eating machine, and he eats steak... which is you.

Oh my, what big teeth you have. MAN!

Wow, I wonder if the gods like seafood!

Mort the Cute Lemur

I'm steak! I'm steak! Me-me-me-me-me!

I like them, I like them! Before I even met them I liked them! You hate them compared to how much I like them!

King Julien, what are they? WHAT ARE THEY?!

He's going SAVAGE

Mason the Chimp

[Mason and Phil have just escaped from the zoo] I hear Tom Wolfe's speaking at Lincoln Centre. [Phil signs frantically] Well of course we're going to throw poo at 'im!

If you have any poo, fling it now.

Phil! Wake up, you filthy monkey.

I say!

Dialogue

Marty: The penguins are going so, why can't I?

Alex: The penguins are psychotic.

Alex: This is a highly refined, type of, food... thing that you do NOT find in the wild.

Marty: Do you ever think that there's more to life than just steak, Alex?

Alex: [stares at his steak] He didn't mean that, baby. No-no-no.

Julien: [watching Gloria cuddle Mort] They are just a bunch of pansies.

Maurice: I don't know, Julien. [referring to Alex] There's something about that guy with the crazy hair-do that I find suspicious.

Julien: Nonsense, Maurice! Come on everybody! Let's go and meet the pansies!

Alex: What could Connecticut have to offer us?

Melman: Lyme disease.

Alex: Thank you, Melman.

[Marty and Alex seem overjoyed to be reunited. They are running towards each other on the beach in slow motion with arms outstretched and Chariots of Fire playing. Their voices are slow and toned to a low key]

Alex: Marty!

Marty: Alex!

Alex: Marty!

Marty: Al!

Alex: [angrily] Marty!

Marty: [confused] Alex?

Alex: MARTY!

Marty: [turns to run] Oh sugar, honey, ice tea!

Gloria: [about Mort] Aw, aren't you just the sweetest little thing? I just wanna dunk you in my coffee.

Melman: They are so cute from a reasonable distance.

Maurice: [to Alex] Oh my, what big teeth you have. MAN!

Julien: Shame on you, Maurice! Can you not see that you have insulted the freak? [to Alex] You must tell me, who the heck are you?

Alex: I'm Alex. THE Alex. And this is Melman, Marty and Gloria.

Maurice: And where exactly are you giants from, Hmm?

Alex: We're from New York, and--

Julien: All hail the New York Giants!

Lemurs: (cheering) NEW YORK GIANTS!!!

Alex: [to Marty, Melman and Gloria] All right, enough is enough. I say we just ask these BOZOS where the people are!

Julien: Excuse me? We bozos have the people, of course!

Alex: You do? That's good to know.

Melman: Hey! The bozos have the people!

Julien: They're up there.

[points to some human skeletons hanging from parachutes snagged on the branches of a large tree]

Julien: Don't you love the people? Not a very lively bunch though.

Alex: Oh. So, do you have any... LIVE people?

Julien: Uh, no. Only dead ones.

Maurice: Man, if we had a lot of live people, it wouldn't be called the wild, would it?

Marty: The wild?!

Alex: Hold on a second there, fuzzbucket. You mean the live-in-a-mud-hut, wipe-yourself-with-a-leaf type wild?

Julien: Who wipes? Ha ha!

Julien: [presents Alex with his crown] I am going to give you this lovely parting gift.

Alex: Oh no, really. I can't take your crown.

Julien: That's okay, I've got a better one! It's got a gecko on it! Look at him shake! Go Stevie, go!

Julien: We thank you with enormous gratitude for scaring away the Fossa.

Gloria: The whossa?

Julien: The Fossa. They're alway annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off--

Alex: Yeah, sounds great.

Gloria: Where are the people?

Skipper: We killed 'em and ate their livers.

[Gloria looks horrified]

Skipper: Gotcha, didn't i? Just kidding doll, the people are fine. They're on a slow boat to China. Hang on, I know you two. Where's that psychotic lion, and our monochromatic friend?

[Last lines]

Private: Skipper, don't you think we should tell them the boat's out of gas?

Skipper: Nah, just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

Skipper: Quadruped! Sprechen sie Englisch?

Marty: I sprechen.

Skipper: What continent is this?

Marty: Manhattan.

Skipper: Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!

Marty: Hey, wait! You in the tux! What are you guys doing?

Private: We're digging to Antartica! [Skipper slaps him]

Skipper: Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend? Do you ever see any penguins walking free around New York City? Of course not. We don't belong here, it's just not natural. This is all some kind of whacked-out conspiracy. We're going to the wide open spaces of Antartica. To the wild.

Marty: The wild? You can actually go there-- that's sounds great!

Skipper: You didn't see anything... right?

Marty: Yes, sir! I mean no, sir!

[the penguins are being transfered; Kowalski is looking at the label on their crate]

Skipper: Progress report.

Kowalski: It's an older code, Skipper. I can't make it out.

[Skipper notices the chimps in the crate next to them]

Skipper: You, higher mammal! Can you read?

Mason: No. Phil can read though. Phil!

[Phil appears; Kowalski gestures towards the label; Phil starts using sign language]

Mason: Ship to... Kenya... wildlife preserve... AFRICA!

Skipper: Africa? That ain't gonna fly. Rico!

[Rico vomits up a paper clip and uses it to unpick the lock on their crate]

Alex:[after Melman burned the rescue beacon in panic] You maniac! You burned it up! Darn you! Darn you all to HECK!

Melman:[callously] Can we go to the fun side now?

Mort: I like them! I like them! Before I even met them I liked them!

Julien: Yes, yes! We get it--

Mort: You HATE them compared to how much I like them--

Julien: OH SHUT UP, YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!

[pause]

Mort: [flattered] Hee-hee!

Alex: Ow, my head! [he bumps his head on the top of his crate] What the-- I'm in a box! Oh no! Not the box! Oh no, they can't transfer ME! NOT ME! I can't breathe, can't breathe! Darkness creeping in. I can't breathe. Walls closing in around me! So alone. So alone--

Marty: Alex, are you there?

Alex: Marty?

Marty: Yeah! Talk to me, bud!

Alex: Oh Marty, you're here!

Marty: What's going on? Are you okay?

Alex: This doesn't look good, Marty.

Gloria: Alex, Marty, is that you?

Marty: Gloria! I am lovin' the sound of your voice!

Gloria: What is going on?

Alex: We're all in crates.

Gloria: Oh no!

Melman: Man, sleeping just knocks me out.

Alex: Melman!

Gloria: Are you okay?

Melman: Yeah. I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI.

Alex: Melman, you're not getting an MRI!

Melman: CAT scan?

Alex: No! No CAT scan! It's a zoo transfer!

Melman: ZOO TRANSFER?! No, I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at 5:00. There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care, and I am NOT going HMO!

Marty: Take it easy, Melman. We are gonna be o-kiz-ay!

Alex: No Marty, we're not gonna be o-kiz-ay. Now, because of you, we're ruined!

Marty: Excuse me, I fail to see how this is my fault.

Gloria: You're kidding, right Marty?

Alex: You ticked off the people! You bit the hand, Marty! You bit the hand! "I don't know who I am! I don't know who I am? I gotta go find myself in the WILD!"

Marty: Yeah, but I didn't ask you to come after me.

Melman: He does have a point. I did say we should have stayed at the zoo but, you guys--

Alex: Melman, just shut it! You're the one who gave him this idea in in the first place!

Gloria: Alex, would you just leave Melman out of this, please!

Melman: Thank you, Gloria. Besides, it's not my fault that we were TRANSFERRED!

Gloria: Melman, shut it. Does anyone feel nauseous?

Melman: I feel nauseous.

Alex: Melman, you always feel nauseous.

Melman: I just saw 26 blatant health code violations.

Marty: I'm lovin' San Diego. This place is off the chizain.

Melman: Twenty-seven!

Taglines

Someone's got a zoo loose.

They weren't born in the wild. They were shipped there.

Cast

Ben Stiller - Alex (voice)
Chris Rock - Marty (voice)
David Schwimmer - Melman (voice)
Jada Pinkett Smith - Gloria (voice)
Sacha Baron Cohen - Julien (voice)
Cedric the Entertainer - Maurice (voice)
Andy Richter - Mort (voice)
Tom McGrath - Skipper (voice)
Christopher Knight - Private (voice)
Chris Miller - Kowalski (voice)
Conrad Vernon - Mason (voice)