True Lies Quotations

True Lies is a 1994 action film about a secret agent who uses his intelligence resources to uncover his wife's affair.

Directed by James Cameron. Written by Claude Zidi, Simon Michaël, Didier Kaminka and James Cameron.

When he said I do, he never said what he did. taglines

Albert Gibson

What kind of a sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?

Get lost, dipshit.

Kids - 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery.

Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em.

The guy is a goddamn used car salesman! This just keeps getting better and better! [Harry gives him a dirty look] I'm sorry, Harry, l I know this is hard for you. But you gotta admit if this was me you'd be laughing your ass off!

[to Dana, who's wearing a helmet] Yeah, I remember the first time I got shot out of a cannon.

It's called ice and it gets a little slick.

I'm beginning to like this guy. [Harry gives him a mean look] Oh, we've still gotta kill him. That's a given.

30 seconds and counting. Ditch the bitch.

What did you expect, Harry? Helen's a flesh and blood woman and you're never there. It was only a matter of time.

You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for fifteen years, Harry.

So your life's in the crapper. So your wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!

Harry? Harry? You do not have time to tango, buddy. You copy?

Ok, I've got two words for that. In. Sane.

You aren't her parents anymore, her parents are Axl Rose and Madonna, you can't compete with that kind of bombardment

Harry Tasker

What can I say? I'm a spy.

There is no us, you psychopathic bitch!

Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.

Cool off.

We're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.

THE BRIDGE IS OOOUUUTTTT.

I'm going to walk right out the front gate.

slight change in plans.

DANA!

Just getting a better look at beavis and butthead.

Blow me.

Federal officer in pursuit of suspect, sorry.

BYE!

[After rescuing Helen from a terrorist] Honey, next time; DUCK!

[Rides into an elevator chasing a terrorist on a horse] Excuse me, can you press the button for the top floor please?

Simon

Would a spy pee on himself?

Let's face it. The 'Vette... get 'em wet!

I have to lie to women to get laid. And I don't score much. I got a really small dick, it's pathetic.

Men want this for only one thing, pussy right.

Hey because it's you

Faisal

It's a scale really, with a perfect mission at one end and a total pooch screw at the other, and we're right about in the middle.

Spencer Trilby

Sweet Jesus, Harry, you surely screwed the pooch last night, didn't you?

So far, this is not blowing my skirt up, gentlemen.

Dialogue

[about Harry's daughter]

Albert Gibson: Do you think she's still a virgin.

Harry Tasker: Don't be ridiculous, she's only - what is she now?

Albert Gibson: She's fourteen!

Harry Tasker: She's fourteen years old!

Albert Gibson: Yeah, and her little hormones are going off like a car alarm.

Albert Gibson: What's wrong, buddy? You look like you been gut-kicked.

Harry Tasker: Hel...Helen. Helen...

Albert Gibson: It's something about Helen, I'm guessin'...

Harry Tasker: Helen...is having an affair.

[Pause, then Gib grins and hugs Harry]

Albert Gibson: Welcome to the club!

Samir: Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?

Harry Tasker: Yeah: I'm going to kill you pretty soon.

Faisil: They call him the Sand Spider.

Spencer Trilby: Why?

Faisil: Probably because it sounds scary.

Harry Tasker: Ask me a question I would normally lie to.

Helen Tasker: Are we going to die?

Harry Tasker: Yep!

Helen Tasker: Have you ever killed anyone?

Harry Tasker: Yeah, but they were all bad.

Simon: Looks like she could suck start a leaf blower, Titties that make you want to sit up and ask for buttermilk, ass like a 10 year old boy.

Harry Tasker: You tell on me, I'll tell on you.

Albert Gibson: What are you talking about? I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm clean as...

Harry Tasker: What about the time you blew a six-week operation because you were too busy getting a blow job?

Albert Gibson: You knew about that?

Harry Tasker: Uh-huh.

[Talking about Helen Tasker, in a car with Simon.]

Helicopter Pilot: Oh yeah, she's got her head in the guy's lap all right. Yahoo.

Albert Gibson: [to Harry Tasker] Maybe she's sleepy.

[Simon is attempting to have sex with Helen.]

Helen Tasker: No, I can't. I can't!

[Simon is still persuing.]

Simon: If not for me, Helen, do it for your country!

Harry Tasker: The code name of your assignment will be Boris. And your code name will be...

Helen Tasker: [hopeful] Natasha?

Harry Tasker: No... Doris.

Albert Gibson: Care to tango?

Faisil: Yes, I would.

Harry Tasker: Assholes.

Faisil: [hacking the computer] Yes! Files are unlocked! Fast Faisil strikes again. I'm doing, man! I've got my hand up her skirt and I am goin...

Albert Gibson: Just copy the goddamn files, OK?

Harry Tasker: But what about their husbands?

Simon: Dickless! I mean let's face it, if they were taking care of business, I'd be out of business.

[Harry returns to the van after escaping the castle.]

Harry Tasker: Hi guys.

Albert Gibson: Well that worked real good. Right out of the old front gate.

Harry Tasker: Can you lean back for a second...

[Harry shoots two remaining pursuers.]

Harry Tasker: Can you hurry up. My horse is getting tired.

Albert Gibson: Your horse?

[Salim Abu Aziz reveals a nuclear weapon.]

Salim Abu Aziz: Do you know what this is?

Harry Tasker: I know what this is...

[Salim smiles]

Harry Tasker: This is an espresso machine.

[Salim frowns]

Harry Tasker: No, no wait. It's a snow cone maker.

[Salim approaches Harry]

Harry Tasker: Is it a water heater?

Harry Tasker: [To Salim, currently attached to a rocket] You're fired.

Albert Gibson: [over radio] All right twinkle toes, what's you exit strategy?

Harry Tasker: I'm gonna walk right out of the front gate.

Albert Gibson: [over radio] Ballsy. Stupid but ballsy.

[Harry is commandeering a Harrier to rescue his daughter.]

Albert Gibson: Harry, do you realize it has been, if fact, ten years since you've been behind the wheel of one of these things?

Harry Tasker: If I break it, they can take it outta my pay.

Harry Tasker: First I'm gonna use you as a human shield, then I'm gonna kill this guard over there, with the Patterson trocar on the table. Then I was thinking about breaking you neck.

Samir: And how are you going to do all that?

Harry Tasker: You know my handcuffs?

Samir: Hmm...

Harry Tasker: [holds up his hands] I picked them.

Albert Gibson: Dickhead.

Harry Tasker: Blow me.

Party Guard: Can I see your invitation?

Harry Tasker: Sure, here's my invitation. [blows shed sky-high]

[Harry is reading the tapped phone conversations from Helen, and notices something, pulling over.]

Harry Tasker: Give me the page!

Albert Gibson: What?

Harry Tasker: This jumps from page 9 to page 11.

Albert Gibson: [looks at paper] Must be a typo.

Harry Tasker: [shouts] Give me the goddamn page.

[Harry smashes the passenger side of the window with his bare fist. Gibson looks at the window, and quickly grabs page 10 from his coat.]

Albert Gibson: OK.

Spencer Trilby: You're on Harry's team, right.

Faisil: Yes.

Spencer Trilby: So what makes you think that the slack I cut him in anyway translates to you?

Harry Tasker: The bridge is out!

Helen Tasker: What?

Harry Tasker: The bridge it out!

Helen Tasker: I can't hear you!

[Harry then points at the broken bridge.]

Helen Tasker: [panicing] Oh God! The bridge is out Harry! The bridge is out!

Cast

Arnold Schwarzenegger — Harry Tasker
Jamie Lee Curtis — Helen Tasker
Tom Arnold — Albert Gibson
Bill Paxton — Simon