Age disparity in sexual relationships

Age disparity in sexual relationships refers to sexual relations between people with a significant difference in age. Whether these relationships are accepted and the question of what counts as a significant difference in age has varied over time; and varies over cultures, different legal systems, and different ethical systems. It often depends on differing attitudes towards perceived social and economic differences between age groups and how consent

Consent

Consent refers to the provision of approval or agreement, particularly and especially after thoughtful consideration.- Types of consent :*Implied consent is a controversial form of consent which is not expressly granted by a person, but rather inferred from a person's actions and the facts and...

is viewed, and sometimes whether or not the relationship is part of a spiritual or legal marriage.

Ethical considerations

In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor. One of the concerns of relationships with age disparities in some cultures is a perceived difference between people of different age ranges. These differences may be sexual, financial, and/or social in nature. Gender roles may complicate this even further. Socially, a society with a difference in wealth distribution between older and younger people that may affect the dynamics of the relationship. Sexually, it is noted that older people tend to have lower sex drives, and younger people tend to be sexually inexperienced. Legally, there is the issue of consent

Consent

, where minors (see Age of Consent

Age of consent

While the phrase age of consent typically does not appear in legal statutes, when used in relation to sexual activity, the age of consent is the minimum age at which a person is considered to be legally competent to consent to sexual acts. The European Union calls it the legal age for sexual...

) and older people with certain health problems are considered unable to consent to a relationship.

Studies

Relationships with age disparity of all kinds have been observed with both men and women as the older or younger significant other. In the modern Western culture, older men often seek younger women. Older women often date younger men as well, and in both cases wealth and physical attractiveness are often relevant.

On average in Europe, most men marry women around three years younger. A study released in 2003 by the United Kingdom

United Kingdom

The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern IrelandIn the United Kingdom and Dependencies, other languages have been officially recognised as legitimate autochthonous languages under the European Charter for Regional or Minority Languages...

's Office for National Statistics

Office for National Statistics

The Office for National Statistics is the executive office of the UK Statistics Authority, a non-ministerial department which reports directly to the Parliament of the United Kingdom.- Overview :...

concluded that the proportion of women in England and Wales marrying younger men rose from 15% to 26% between 1963 and 1998.

In August 2010, Dr. Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff

University of Wales Institute, Cardiff

Cardiff Metropolitan University is a university situated in Cardiff. It operates from three campuses: Llandaff on Western Avenue, Cyncoed, and Howard Gardens in the City Centre. The university serves over 12,000 students...

completed and released the results of a study on age disparity in dating. Dr. Dunn concluded that "Not once across all ages and countries...did females show a preference for males significantly younger than male preferences for females" and that there was a "consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men." A 2003 AARP

AARP

AARP, formerly the American Association of Retired Persons, is the United States-based non-governmental organization and interest group, founded in 1958 by Ethel Percy Andrus, PhD, a retired educator from California, and based in Washington, D.C. According to its mission statement, it is "a...

study had previously brought results that 34% of forty-year and older women were dating younger men.

Sociobiological considerations

On average humans reach the age of reproduction

Puberty

Puberty is the process of physical changes by which a child's body matures into an adult body capable of reproduction, as initiated by hormonal signals from the brain to the gonads; the ovaries in a girl, the testes in a boy...

starting at ages 11–14 for girls and 12-16 for boys. For women the average age of menopause

Menopause

Menopause is a term used to describe the permanent cessation of the primary functions of the human ovaries: the ripening and release of ova and the release of hormones that cause both the creation of the uterine lining and the subsequent shedding of the uterine lining...

is in their late forties and early fifties, and before that infertility is known to increase with age. While men do not necessarily become sterile with age, infertility does go up with age.

Slang terms

Several English

English language

English is a West Germanic language that arose in the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms of England and spread into what was to become south-east Scotland under the influence of the Anglian medieval kingdom of Northumbria...

slang terms describe pairings in which one individual is much older than the other:

Chickenhawk—an older gay man who sexually pursues younger males, i.e. "twinks
Twink (gay slang)
"Twink" is a gay slang term describing a young or young-looking gay man with a slender, ectomorph build, little or no body hair, and no facial hair. In some societies, the term chick or chicken is preferred. The related term twinkle-toes, which implies that a man is effeminate, tends to be used in...

"/"chickens" or, more rarely, underage boys.

Cougar—a woman, 40 years of age or older, who pursues younger men, typically more than eight years her junior. The origin of the word is debated; however, it is thought to have first appeared in print on the Canadian dating website Cougardate.com and has been used in TV series, advertising and film. The 2007 film Cougar Club
Cougar Club
Cougar Club is a 2007 American film directed by Christopher Duddy. The film details the attempts of two college graduates, Marshall Hogan III and Spence Holmes, to find direction in life...

was dedicated to the subject and in Spring 2009 TV Land
TV Land
TV Land is an American cable television network launched on April 29, 1996. It is owned by MTV Networks, a division of Viacom, which also owns Paramount Pictures, and networks such as MTV and Nickelodeon...

aired a reality show called The Cougar
The Cougar (TV series)
The Cougar is an American reality television series where an older woman chooses a boyfriend from a group of twenty younger men. The series premiered on TV Land on April 15, 2009, and is hosted by TV actress and producer, Vivica A...

. The sitcom Cougar Town
Cougar Town
Cougar Town is an American television sitcom that premiered on ABC on September 23, 2009. The series focuses on a recently divorced woman in her forties facing the often humorous challenges, pitfalls and rewards of life's next chapter, along with her son, ex-husband, and friends who together make...

explores the difficulty and stigma of many so-called "Cougars".

Cradle robber or cradle snatcher—a person involved with a much younger individual.

Cub—a younger male who is going out with an older partner, often paired with the term Cougar. The term is also often used in the gay community along with the term Bear. While normally used to refer to a partner under 30, this is not a prerequisite.

Trout —An older man who dates a younger woman. A trout swims upstream hence the term.

Gold digger—someone (typically a female) who develops a relationship with a much older partner or someone who she does not find attractive physically, intellectually or congenially for primarily financial reasons, especially to inherit the partner's wealth upon death (which is expected to come soon).

Jailbait—a sexually attractive young person who is below the legal age of consent
Age of consent
While the phrase age of consent typically does not appear in legal statutes, when used in relation to sexual activity, the age of consent is the minimum age at which a person is considered to be legally competent to consent to sexual acts. The European Union calls it the legal age for sexual...

. This designation connotes enticement to endanger oneself of being prosecuted for statutory rape
Statutory rape
The phrase statutory rape is a term used in some legal jurisdictions to describe sexual activities where one participant is below the age required to legally consent to the behavior...

. In California, the term "San Quentin Quail," a reference to the state prison at San Quentin, is used. Perhaps due to the influence of Hollywood on American slang, the expression is used in other states as well.

Lolita – a sexually precocious girl who is the object of desire of a significantly older man. The term's origin is the name of the title character in Vladimir Nabokov
Vladimir Nabokov
Vladimir Vladimirovich Nabokov was a multilingual Russian novelist and short story writer. Nabokov wrote his first nine novels in Russian, then rose to international prominence as a master English prose stylist...

's novel Lolita
Lolita
Lolita is a novel by Vladimir Nabokov, first written in English and published in 1955 in Paris and 1958 in New York, and later translated by the author into Russian...

, whom the book's narrator, Humbert Humbert, calls a nymphet. While nymphet still describes younger children, Lolita has come to be applied to older adolescents and young women in the context of pornography.

Manther - A male 40 years of age or older, who pursues younger women, typically more than eight years his junior.

May–December romance—a relationship in which the age difference between the two adults is wide enough to risk social disapproval. The issue was explored in depth in a very successful BBC comedy series, May to December
May to December
May to December was a British sitcom which ran for 39 episodes, from 2 April 1989 to 27 May 1994 on BBC1. The series was written by Paul Mendelson and produced by Cinema Verity....

.

MILF
MILF
MILF, an acronym for "Mother/Mom/Mum I'd Like to Fuck", is a common colloquial term generally regarded as vulgar when spelled out. It denotes a sexually attractive older female, generally between 25 and 50 years of age.-History:...

(an acronym of "Mother [or 'Mom'] I'd Like/Love to Fuck")—a sexually desirable older woman, though not necessarily one who has children. The term is used frequently as a descriptor of pornography featuring older women. It was popularized by the 1999 film American Pie
American Pie (film)
American Pie is a 1999 teen comedy film written by Adam Herz. American Pie was the directorial film debut of brothers Paul and Chris Weitz, and the first film in the American Pie film series...

and is also the name given to the marijuana sold by Nancy Botwin on the Showtime
Showtime
Showtime is an American premium cable television service featuring programming that consists primarily of theatrically released motion pictures, along with original series, made-for-cable movies, and occasional boxing and mixed martial arts matches...

series "Weeds"
Weeds (TV series)
Weeds is an American television comedy created by Jenji Kohan and produced by Tilted Productions in association with Lionsgate Television. The central character is Nancy Botwin , a widowed mother of two boys who begins selling marijuana to support her family after her husband dies suddenly of a...

. By 2008, the term was familiar enough to be used on television series such as 30 Rock
30 Rock
30 Rock is an American television comedy series created by Tina Fey that airs on NBC. The series is loosely based on Fey's experiences as head writer for Saturday Night Live...

(episode "MILF Island
MILF Island
"MILF Island" is the eleventh episode of NBC's second season of 30 Rock and thirty-second episode overall. It was written by the series' creator, executive producer and lead actress Tina Fey and producer Matt Hubbard. The director of the episode was Kevin Rodney Sullivan. It aired on April 10, 2008...

"), Scrubs
Scrubs (TV series)
Scrubs is an American medical comedy-drama television series created in 2001 by Bill Lawrence and produced by ABC Studios. The show follows the lives of several employees of the fictional Sacred Heart, a teaching hospital. It features fast-paced screenplay, slapstick, and surreal vignettes...

(episode "My Last Words
My Last Words
"My Last Words" is the 152nd episode of the television series Scrubs, and the second of its eighth season. The episode first aired on January 6, 2009 on ABC, following the show's departure from NBC. It immediately followed "My Jerks", the first episode of the 8th season. The episode was written by...

") and Pushing Daisies
Pushing Daisies
Pushing Daisies is an American comedy-drama television series created by Bryan Fuller that aired on ABC from October 3, 2007 to June 13, 2009. The series stars Lee Pace as Ned, a pie-maker with the ability to bring dead things back to life with his touch, an ability that comes with stipulations...

(episode "The Norwegians") without necessitating its definition (which would have violated Federal Communications Commission
Federal Communications Commission
The Federal Communications Commission is an independent agency of the United States government, created, Congressional statute , and with the majority of its commissioners appointed by the current President. The FCC works towards six goals in the areas of broadband, competition, the spectrum, the...

rules). The 'M' is replaced by 'G' (for 'Grandmother') in the case of women who are in their mid-50s or older, and/or are actual grandmothers; thus, GILF (or G-MILF). The male counterpart terms are DILF (an acronym of "Dad I'd Like to Fuck")–for Dad–within the gay community and FILF–for Father–in the straight community. Other variations have also been used – 2008 Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin
Sarah Louise Palin is an American politician, commentator and author. As the Republican Party nominee for Vice President in the 2008 presidential election, she was the first Alaskan on the national ticket of a major party and first Republican woman nominated for the vice-presidency.She was...

was described as a VPILF or GILF (Governor I'd Like to Fuck), although technically she was also a mother and a grandmother.

Puma—a woman in her late twenties and thirties who dates a younger man (i.e., 20-somethings), often considered a "cougar in training". It also means a cougar whose age disparity is less than eight years.

Sugar daddy/mama/mommy—a rich, usually older person who offers money or gifts to a less rich, usually younger person in return for companionship or sexual favors. This differs from prostitution in that the older person is usually the sole financial provider to the younger person. In Japan, there is a loosely similar practice known as enjo kōsai
Enjo kosai
means "compensated dating" and is a practice which originated in Japan where older men give money and/or luxury gifts to attractive women for their companionship and, possibly, for sexual favors. The female participants range from primarily school-aged girls to housewives. A common misconception is...

.

Toy boy/Boy toy—a much younger boyfriend
Boyfriend
A boyfriend is a person's regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship, although normally not in long-term committed relationships, where other titles A boyfriend is a person's regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship, although normally not in long-term committed...

or husband
Husband
A husband is a male participant in a marriage. The rights and obligations of the husband regarding his spouse and others, and his status in the community and in law, vary between cultures and has varied over time...

of an older woman. In male-male relationships, a toy boy (sometimes toy boi) characterizes the one who is (and usually enjoys being) used for sexual gratification.

Troll
Troll (gay slang)
Troll and trolling are slang terms used almost exclusively amongst gay men to characterize gay, bisexual and questioning or bi-curious men who cruise or “wander about looking” for sex or potential sex partners or experiences “in a notably wanton manner and with lessened standards of what one will...

—an older gay/bi man, often a less-attractive one, who cruises younger men for sex
Cruising for sex
Cruising for sex, or cruising is the act of walking or driving about a locality in search of a sex partner, usually of the anonymous, casual, one-time variety...

.

Ethical considerations

Studies

Sociobiological considerations

Slang terms

See also