Are Ye Right There Michael is a song by the 19th-century and early 20th-century Irish

Ireland

Ireland is an island to the northwest of continental Europe. It is the third-largest island in Europe and the twentieth-largest island on Earth...

 composer and musician Percy French, parodying the state of the West Clare Railway

West Clare Railway

The West Clare Railway originally operated in County Clare, Ireland between 1887 and 1961, and has partially re-opened. This gauge narrow gauge railway ran from the county town of Ennis, via numerous stopping-points along the West Clare coast to two termini, at Kilrush and Kilkee...

 system in rural County Clare

County Clare

-History:There was a Neolithic civilisation in the Clare area — the name of the peoples is unknown, but the Prehistoric peoples left evidence behind in the form of ancient dolmen; single-chamber megalithic tombs, usually consisting of three or more upright stones...

. Because of a slow train and the decision of the driver to stop for no apparent reason while en route, French, though having left Sligo in the early morning, arrived so late for an 8 PM recital, which he was due to give, that the audience had left. The ballad caused considerable embarrassment for the rail company, who were mocked in music halls throughout Ireland and Britain because of the song. It led to an unsuccessful libel action against French.

It is said that French arrived late for the libel hearing at the court, and when questioned by the judge on his lateness, he responded "Your honour, I travelled by the West Clare Railway", resulting in the case being thrown out.

Lyrics

"Are Ye Right There Michael" by Percy French (1902)

You may talk of Columbus

Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus was an explorer, colonizer, and navigator, born in the Republic of Genoa, in northwestern Italy. Under the auspices of the Catholic Monarchs of Spain, he completed four voyages across the Atlantic Ocean that led to general European awareness of the American continents in the...

's sailing

Across the Atlantical sea

Atlantic Ocean

The Atlantic Ocean is the second-largest of the world's oceanic divisions. With a total area of about , it covers approximately 20% of the Earth's surface and about 26% of its water surface area...

,

But he never tried to go railing

From Ennis

Ennis

Ennis is the county town of Clare in Ireland. Situated on the River Fergus, it lies north of Limerick and south of Galway. Its name is a shortening of the original ....

 as far as Kilkee

Kilkee

Kilkee is a small coastal town in County Clare, Ireland. It is located midway between Kilrush and Doonbeg on the N67 road. The town, one of the most famous resorts in Ireland, is particularly popular as a seaside resort with people from Limerick City...

.

You run for the train in the morning,

The excursion train starting at eight.

You're there when the guard gives the warning,

And there for an hour you'll wait.

And while you're waiting in the train,

You'll hear the guard sing this refrain:

Are ye right there, Michael, are ye right?

Do you think that we'll be home before the night?

Ye've been so long in startin',

That ye couldn't say for certain'

Still ye might now, Michael,

So ye might!

They find out where the engine's been hiding,

And it drags you to sweet Corofin;

Says the guard: Back her down on the siding,

There's a goods from Kilrush

Kilrush

Kilrush is a coastal town in County Clare, Ireland. It is located near the mouth of the River Shannon in the south-west of the county. Kilrush is a town of great historical significance, being one of the listed Heritage Towns of Ireland.-History:...

 comin' in.

Perhaps it comes in two hours,

Perhaps it breaks down on the way;

If it does, says the guard, be the powers,

We're here for the rest of the day!

And while you sit and curse your luck,

The train backs down into a truck.

Are ye right there, Michael, are ye right?

Have ye got the parcel there for Mrs. White?

Ye haven't, oh begorra,

Say it's comin' down tomorra -

And well it might now, Michael,

So it might!

At Lahinch

Lahinch

Lahinch or Lehinch is a village on Liscannor Bay, on the northwest coast of County Clare, in northern Munster, Ireland. It lies on the N67 national secondary road....

 the sea shines like a jewel,

With joy you are ready to shout,

When the stoker cries out: There's no fuel,

And the fire is teetotally out.

But hand up that bit of a log there -

I'll soon have ye out of the fix;

There's fine clamp of turf in the bog there.

And the rest can go gatherin' sticks

And while you're breakin' bits off trees,

You hear some wise remarks like these:

Are ye right there, Michael? Are ye right?

Do ye think that you can get the fire to light?

Oh, an hour you'll require,

For the turf it might be drier,

Well it might now, Michael,

So it might!

Kilkee! Oh, ye'll never get near it,

You're in luck if the train brings you back.

For the permanent way is so queer, it

Spends most of its time off the track.

Uphill the oul' engine is climbing,

As the passengers push with a will.

You're in luck when you reach Ennistimon,

For all the way home is downhill.

And as you're wobbling through the dark,

You'll hear someone make this remark:

Are ye right there, Michael? Are ye right?

Do you think that we'll be there before it's light?

Oh, it's all depending whether,

The oul' engine holds together,

But it might now, Michael,

So it might!