Infatuation
Encyclopedia
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion
or love
: 'expresses the headlong libidinal
attraction' of addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.
in retrospect...others suggest that infatuation may be the first step towards love...can grow into a more mature love' - marks the first stage of a relationship before 'a bumpy, but nonetheless inevitable, transition from romantic infatuation to mature intimacy'. In such a view, 'lovers begin as prolifically inventive, producing enthralling illusions about each other...only to be disappointed into truth'.
In the case of infatuation, there is usually an obsessor and an object of desire, who may or may not be attainable. In its "pure" state, infatuation is characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development, and by a lack of the trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity found in maturer love.
or infatuation'; and if infatuation is both an early stage in a deepening sequence of love/attachment
, and at the same time a potential stopping point, it is perhaps no surprise that it is a condition especially prevalent in the first, youthful explorations of the world of relationships. Thus 'the first passionate adoration of a youth for a celebrated actress whom he regards as far above him, to whom he scarcely dares lift his bashful eyes' may be seen as part of an 'infatuation with celebrity especially perilous with the young'.
Admiration plays a significant part in this, as 'in the case of a schoolgirl crush on a boy or on a male teacher. The girl starts off admiring the teacher..[then] may get hung up on the teacher and follow her around'. There may then be shame
at being confronted with the fact that 'you've got what's called a crush on him...Think if someone was hanging around you, pestering and sighing'. Of course 'sex may come into this...with an infatuated schoolgirl or schoolboy' as well, producing the 'stricken gaze, a compulsive movement of the throat...an "I'm lying down and I don't care if you walk on me, babe", expression' of infatuation. Such a cocktail of emotions 'may even falsify the "erotic sense of reality": when a person in love estimates his partner's virtues he is usually not very realistic...projection
of all his ideals onto the partner's personality'.
It is this projection that differentiates infatuation from love, according to the spiritual teacher Meher Baba
: "In infatuation, the person is a passive victim of the spell of conceived attraction for the object. In love there is an active appreciation of the intrinsic worth of the object of love."
Distance from the object of infatuation - as with celebrities - can help maintain the infatuated state. A time-honoured cure for the one who 'has a tendre...infatuated' is to have 'thrown them continually together...by doing so you will cure...[or] you will know that it is not an infatuation'.
In a second instance, 'evaluation...may well be sound although the craving or love remains unaffected by it'; while 'a third type is that of the agent who exhibits bad judgement and misevaluation for reasons such as ignorance or recklessness', regardless of their desire.
, a sign that the method is taking hold is 'the initial infatuation to be observed at the beginning of treatment', the beginning of transference
. The patient, in Freud's words, 'develops a special interest in the person of the doctor...never tires in his home of praising the doctor and of extolling ever new qualities in him'. What occurs, 'it is usually maintained...is a sort of false love, a shadow of love', replicating in its course the infatuations of 'what is called true love'.
Some however claim that it is wrong to convince the patient 'that their love is an illusion...that it's not you she loves. Freud was off base when he wrote that. It is you. Who else could it be?' - thereby taking 'the question of what is called true love...further than it had ever been taken'.
Conversely, in countertransference
, the therapist may become infatuated with his/her client: 'very good-looking...she was the most gratifying of patients. She made literary allusions and understood the ones he made....He was dazzled by her, a little in love with her. After two years, the analysis ground down to a horrible halt'.
s. Thus for example Jung
's initial '"unconditional devotion" to Freud's theories and his "no less unconditional veneration" of Freud's person' was seen at the time by both men as a 'quasi-religious infatuation to...a cult
object'; while Freud in turn was 'very attracted by Jung's personality', perhaps 'saw in Jung an idealized version of himself': a mutual admiration society - 'intellectually infatuated with one another'.
A woman too might have 'had a hankering for one guru after another...she loved being a pupil'.
But there are also collective infatuations: 'we are all prone to being drawn into social phantasy systems '. Thus for instance 'the recent intellectual infatuation with structuralism
and post-structuralism
' arguably lasted at least until 'September 11 ended intellectual infatuation with postmodernism
' as a whole.
Economic bubbles thrive on collective infatuations of a different kind: 'all boom-bust processes contain an element of misunderstanding or misconception', whether it is the 'infatuation with...becoming the latest dot.com
billionaire', or the one that followed with sub-prime mortgages, once 'Greenspan
had replaced the tech bubble with a housing bubble'. As markets 'swung virtually overnight from euphoria to fear' in the credit crunch, even the most hardened market fundamentalist
had to concede that such 'periodic surges of euphoria and fear are manifestations of deep-seated aspects of human nature' - whether these are enacted in home-room infatuations, or upon the global stage.
have been described as a "Poetics for Infatuation"; as being dominated by one theme, and 'that theme is infatuation, its initiation, cultivation, and history, together with its peaks of triumph and devastation' - a lengthy exploration of the condition of being 'subject to the appropriate disorders that belong to our infatuation...the condition of infatuation'.
Passion (emotion)
Passion is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something....
or love
Love
Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase, "God is love" or Agape in the Canonical gospels...
: 'expresses the headlong libidinal
Libido
Libido refers to a person's sex drive or desire for sexual activity. The desire for sex is an aspect of a person's sexuality, but varies enormously from one person to another, and it also varies depending on circumstances at a particular time. A person who has extremely frequent or a suddenly...
attraction' of addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.
Characteristics
Because in common parlance, 'infatuation is extravagant or foolish love, an infatuated person, quite commonly, is someone who in over-valuing the beloved has mistaken beliefs concerning her or him'. Some consider that 'perhaps infatuation can only be distinguished from romantic loveRomantic love
Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person....
in retrospect...others suggest that infatuation may be the first step towards love...can grow into a more mature love' - marks the first stage of a relationship before 'a bumpy, but nonetheless inevitable, transition from romantic infatuation to mature intimacy'. In such a view, 'lovers begin as prolifically inventive, producing enthralling illusions about each other...only to be disappointed into truth'.
In the case of infatuation, there is usually an obsessor and an object of desire, who may or may not be attainable. In its "pure" state, infatuation is characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development, and by a lack of the trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity found in maturer love.
Youth
'It is customary to view young people's dating relationships and first relationships as puppy lovePuppy love
Puppy love is an informal term for feelings of love or infatuation felt by young people during childhood and adolescence, so-called for its resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection that may be felt by a puppy. 'Simple infatuation is often called a "crush" or "puppy love"...
or infatuation'; and if infatuation is both an early stage in a deepening sequence of love/attachment
Attachment theory
Attachment theory describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between humans. Its most important tenet is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally. Attachment theory is an interdisciplinary study...
, and at the same time a potential stopping point, it is perhaps no surprise that it is a condition especially prevalent in the first, youthful explorations of the world of relationships. Thus 'the first passionate adoration of a youth for a celebrated actress whom he regards as far above him, to whom he scarcely dares lift his bashful eyes' may be seen as part of an 'infatuation with celebrity especially perilous with the young'.
Admiration plays a significant part in this, as 'in the case of a schoolgirl crush on a boy or on a male teacher. The girl starts off admiring the teacher..[then] may get hung up on the teacher and follow her around'. There may then be shame
Shame
Shame is, variously, an affect, emotion, cognition, state, or condition. The roots of the word shame are thought to derive from an older word meaning to cover; as such, covering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a natural expression of shame....
at being confronted with the fact that 'you've got what's called a crush on him...Think if someone was hanging around you, pestering and sighing'. Of course 'sex may come into this...with an infatuated schoolgirl or schoolboy' as well, producing the 'stricken gaze, a compulsive movement of the throat...an "I'm lying down and I don't care if you walk on me, babe", expression' of infatuation. Such a cocktail of emotions 'may even falsify the "erotic sense of reality": when a person in love estimates his partner's virtues he is usually not very realistic...projection
Psychological projection
Psychological projection or projection bias is a psychological defense mechanism where a person subconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, usually to other people...
of all his ideals onto the partner's personality'.
It is this projection that differentiates infatuation from love, according to the spiritual teacher Meher Baba
Meher Baba
Meher Baba , , born Merwan Sheriar Irani, was an Indian mystic and spiritual master who declared publicly in 1954 that he was the Avatar of the age....
: "In infatuation, the person is a passive victim of the spell of conceived attraction for the object. In love there is an active appreciation of the intrinsic worth of the object of love."
Distance from the object of infatuation - as with celebrities - can help maintain the infatuated state. A time-honoured cure for the one who 'has a tendre...infatuated' is to have 'thrown them continually together...by doing so you will cure...[or] you will know that it is not an infatuation'.
"Mature" love
If '"Mature love" is the opposite of teenage infatuation', conversely what might perhaps best be termed '"Mature" love is when teenage infatuation is felt and experienced by people who are not teenagers'.Three types
'Three types of infatuation' have on occasion been distinguished - the first, and perhaps most common, being a state of 'being carried away, without insight or proper evaluative judgement, by blind desire'.In a second instance, 'evaluation...may well be sound although the craving or love remains unaffected by it'; while 'a third type is that of the agent who exhibits bad judgement and misevaluation for reasons such as ignorance or recklessness', regardless of their desire.
In transference
In psychoanalysisPsychoanalysis
Psychoanalysis is a psychological theory developed in the late 19th and early 20th centuries by Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud. Psychoanalysis has expanded, been criticized and developed in different directions, mostly by some of Freud's former students, such as Alfred Adler and Carl Gustav...
, a sign that the method is taking hold is 'the initial infatuation to be observed at the beginning of treatment', the beginning of transference
Transference
Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another. One definition of transference is "the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship that was important in a person's childhood." Another definition is "the...
. The patient, in Freud's words, 'develops a special interest in the person of the doctor...never tires in his home of praising the doctor and of extolling ever new qualities in him'. What occurs, 'it is usually maintained...is a sort of false love, a shadow of love', replicating in its course the infatuations of 'what is called true love'.
Some however claim that it is wrong to convince the patient 'that their love is an illusion...that it's not you she loves. Freud was off base when he wrote that. It is you. Who else could it be?' - thereby taking 'the question of what is called true love...further than it had ever been taken'.
Conversely, in countertransference
Countertransference
Countertransferenceis defined as redirection of a psychotherapist's feelings toward a client—or, more generally, as a therapist's emotional entanglement with a client.-Early formulations:...
, the therapist may become infatuated with his/her client: 'very good-looking...she was the most gratifying of patients. She made literary allusions and understood the ones he made....He was dazzled by her, a little in love with her. After two years, the analysis ground down to a horrible halt'.
Intellectual infatuations
Infatuations need not only involve people, but can extend to objects, activities, and ideas. 'Men are always falling in love with other men...with their war heroes and sport heroes': with institutions, discourses and role modelRole model
The term role model generally means any "person who serves as an example, whose behaviour is emulated by others".The term first appeared in Robert K. Merton's socialization research of medical students...
s. Thus for example Jung
Jung
Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist, an influential thinker and the founder of analytical psychology.Jung may also refer to:* Jung * JUNG, Java Universal Network/Graph Framework-See also:...
's initial '"unconditional devotion" to Freud's theories and his "no less unconditional veneration" of Freud's person' was seen at the time by both men as a 'quasi-religious infatuation to...a cult
Cult
The word cult in current popular usage usually refers to a group whose beliefs or practices are considered abnormal or bizarre. The word originally denoted a system of ritual practices...
object'; while Freud in turn was 'very attracted by Jung's personality', perhaps 'saw in Jung an idealized version of himself': a mutual admiration society - 'intellectually infatuated with one another'.
A woman too might have 'had a hankering for one guru after another...she loved being a pupil'.
But there are also collective infatuations: 'we are all prone to being drawn into social phantasy systems '. Thus for instance 'the recent intellectual infatuation with structuralism
Structuralism
Structuralism originated in the structural linguistics of Ferdinand de Saussure and the subsequent Prague and Moscow schools of linguistics. Just as structural linguistics was facing serious challenges from the likes of Noam Chomsky and thus fading in importance in linguistics, structuralism...
and post-structuralism
Post-structuralism
Post-structuralism is a label formulated by American academics to denote the heterogeneous works of a series of French intellectuals who came to international prominence in the 1960s and '70s...
' arguably lasted at least until 'September 11 ended intellectual infatuation with postmodernism
Postmodernism
Postmodernism is a philosophical movement evolved in reaction to modernism, the tendency in contemporary culture to accept only objective truth and to be inherently suspicious towards a global cultural narrative or meta-narrative. Postmodernist thought is an intentional departure from the...
' as a whole.
Economic bubbles thrive on collective infatuations of a different kind: 'all boom-bust processes contain an element of misunderstanding or misconception', whether it is the 'infatuation with...becoming the latest dot.com
Dot-com company
A dot-com company, or simply a dot-com , is a company that does most of its business on the Internet, usually through a website that uses the popular top-level domain, ".com" .While the term can refer to present-day companies, it is also used specifically to refer to companies with...
billionaire', or the one that followed with sub-prime mortgages, once 'Greenspan
Alan Greenspan
Alan Greenspan is an American economist who served as Chairman of the Federal Reserve of the United States from 1987 to 2006. He currently works as a private advisor and provides consulting for firms through his company, Greenspan Associates LLC...
had replaced the tech bubble with a housing bubble'. As markets 'swung virtually overnight from euphoria to fear' in the credit crunch, even the most hardened market fundamentalist
Market fundamentalism
Market fundamentalism is a pejorative term applied to a strong belief in the ability of laissez-faire or free market economic views or policies to solve economic and social problems....
had to concede that such 'periodic surges of euphoria and fear are manifestations of deep-seated aspects of human nature' - whether these are enacted in home-room infatuations, or upon the global stage.
Literary analogues
Shakespeare's sonnetsShakespeare's sonnets
Shakespeare's sonnets are 154 poems in sonnet form written by William Shakespeare, dealing with themes such as the passage of time, love, beauty and mortality. All but two of the poems were first published in a 1609 quarto entitled SHAKE-SPEARES SONNETS.: Never before imprinted. Sonnets 138 and 144...
have been described as a "Poetics for Infatuation"; as being dominated by one theme, and 'that theme is infatuation, its initiation, cultivation, and history, together with its peaks of triumph and devastation' - a lengthy exploration of the condition of being 'subject to the appropriate disorders that belong to our infatuation...the condition of infatuation'.
See also
Further reading
- Grohol, J. Phys.D (2006). "Love Versus Infatuation", Retrieved: Nov 24th 2008
- Harville, H. PhD. (1992). Keeping the Love You Find, New York: Pocket Books.
- Glencoe/McGraw-Hill. (2000). Whitney, DeBruyne, Sizer-Webb, Health: Making Life Choices (pp. 494–496)