Lazlo Woodbine
Encyclopedia
Lazlo Woodbine is a fictional character in some of Robert Rankin
's novels - generally portrayed as a metafictional character, being in the novels themselves the creation of mystery writer P.P. Penrose - described by himself as the last of the nineteen-fifties private detectives.
(Whose name is constantly mispronounced for no apparent reason other than a desire to do so), and only ever works four locations, regarding these four as the maximum number that a truly great private detective requires. These locations include;
Throughout the novels, Lazlo avoids explicitly describing any of these four settings, thus allowing him to use them for multiple locations, such as arguing that any occasions where he is in an office feature him being inside his office as they all look alike. However, in any of Rankin's novel where he plays a long-term role, Lazlo commonly finds his way around his four-set rule to move from location to location, such as closing his eyes while travelling from the alley to the rooftop- thus avoiding actually seeing anything, and hence not breaking the rule- or assuming another persona altogether to account for the travel time. The only occasion where Woodbine has clearly violated his four-set-rule was in Armageddon III, when he briefly shared a bedroom with Rex Mundi and twin babies who had been abducted and experimented on by aliens.
According to Woodbine, when reading one of his novels the reader can always expect a lot of gratuitous sex and violence, a trail of corpses, no small degree of name mispronunciation- characters commonly pronounce his name wrong, calling him everything from Woodlouse to Woodstock- and enough trenchcoat humour and ludicrous catchphrases to carry you through a month of rainy Thursdays (Although some novels point out that the sex would be difficult given that Woodbine's four scenes lack a bedroom).
") or simply the result of an individual suffering from delusions ("Waiting for Godalming
"). Only in "The Suburban Book of the Dead (Armageddon III: The Remake)" has Lazlo Woodbine explicitly appeared as a real person, and even then he came from an alternate future and travelled back into the past to investigate a case (Aided by Barry the Time Sprout).
Robert Rankin
Robert Fleming Rankin is a prolific British humorous novelist. Born in Parsons Green, London, he started writing in the late 1970s, and first entered the bestsellers lists with Snuff Fiction in 1999, by which time his previous eighteen books had sold around one million copies...
's novels - generally portrayed as a metafictional character, being in the novels themselves the creation of mystery writer P.P. Penrose - described by himself as the last of the nineteen-fifties private detectives.
Physical Appearance
Throughout his appearances, Lazlo Woodbine has never been specifically described barring his traditional attire of a trenchcoat and fedora, with all his stories being narrated in the first person. According to the character himself, this lack of description allows the reader to picture Lazlo as anyone they care to imagine, imposing the face of themselves or that of their hero onto his appearance and thus allowing them to feel more like they are a part of the story.Lazlo's Rules
In any Lazlo Woodbine story, Lazlo commonly begins his appearance by explaining that he goes through the novel in his trenchcoat and fedora, armed with his trusty Smith & WessonSmith & Wesson
Smith & Wesson is the largest manufacturer of handguns in the United States. The corporate headquarters is in Springfield, Massachusetts. Founded in 1852, Smith & Wesson's pistols and revolvers have become standard issue to police and armed forces throughout the world...
(Whose name is constantly mispronounced for no apparent reason other than a desire to do so), and only ever works four locations, regarding these four as the maximum number that a truly great private detective requires. These locations include;
- Lazlo's office, where he is hired by his clients.
- Fangio's bar, where he talks toot with Fangio the fat barman and is subsequently knocked on the head by the dame that does him wrong
- An alleyway, where Lazlo gets into sticky situations that involve him having to shoot somebody
- The final rooftop showdown, where, after a climatic confrontation, Lazlo sends the villain plunging to oblivion in the final chapter
Throughout the novels, Lazlo avoids explicitly describing any of these four settings, thus allowing him to use them for multiple locations, such as arguing that any occasions where he is in an office feature him being inside his office as they all look alike. However, in any of Rankin's novel where he plays a long-term role, Lazlo commonly finds his way around his four-set rule to move from location to location, such as closing his eyes while travelling from the alley to the rooftop- thus avoiding actually seeing anything, and hence not breaking the rule- or assuming another persona altogether to account for the travel time. The only occasion where Woodbine has clearly violated his four-set-rule was in Armageddon III, when he briefly shared a bedroom with Rex Mundi and twin babies who had been abducted and experimented on by aliens.
According to Woodbine, when reading one of his novels the reader can always expect a lot of gratuitous sex and violence, a trail of corpses, no small degree of name mispronunciation- characters commonly pronounce his name wrong, calling him everything from Woodlouse to Woodstock- and enough trenchcoat humour and ludicrous catchphrases to carry you through a month of rainy Thursdays (Although some novels point out that the sex would be difficult given that Woodbine's four scenes lack a bedroom).
'Metafictional' Status
Unlike most characters in Robert Rankin's work, who appear at inconsistent times and places but are nevertheless consistently the same person, Lazlo Woodbine's status as a real person is often questionable, with most of his appearances explicitly referring to his status as a character in fiction, and his appearance in the novel being simply an artificial creation ("The Dance of the Voodoo HandbagThe Dance of the Voodoo Handbag
The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is a novel by the British author Robert Rankin that incorporates elements of fantasy and science fiction....
") or simply the result of an individual suffering from delusions ("Waiting for Godalming
Waiting for Godalming
Waiting for Godalming is the 22nd book by Robert Rankin. Its title parodies that of Samuel Becketts play Waiting For Godot.Waiting for Godalming tells the story of the ultimate murder case: God himself has been killed in a dark alley. Lazlo Woodbine, famous fifties private eye sets out to solve...
"). Only in "The Suburban Book of the Dead (Armageddon III: The Remake)" has Lazlo Woodbine explicitly appeared as a real person, and even then he came from an alternate future and travelled back into the past to investigate a case (Aided by Barry the Time Sprout).
List of Appearances
To date, Lazlo Woodbine- or some variation of him- has appeared in the following novels;- "The Suburban Book of the Dead (Armageddon III: The Remake)" (Working alongside Rex Mundi and Barry the Time Sprout
- "The Dance of the Voodoo HandbagThe Dance of the Voodoo HandbagThe Dance of the Voodoo Handbag is a novel by the British author Robert Rankin that incorporates elements of fantasy and science fiction....
" (Appears as a fictional character in a VR simulation that the main character is trapped in; results in some brief confusion as both characters are attempting to simultaneously write the story in the first person until they agree to allow Lazlo to do so) - "Waiting for GodalmingWaiting for GodalmingWaiting for Godalming is the 22nd book by Robert Rankin. Its title parodies that of Samuel Becketts play Waiting For Godot.Waiting for Godalming tells the story of the ultimate murder case: God himself has been killed in a dark alley. Lazlo Woodbine, famous fifties private eye sets out to solve...
" (Revealed over the course of the novel to be the 'barking mad' brother to the novel's main character of Icarus Smith, although Woodbine passes off his temporary assumption of the idiot brother identity as a means of allowing him to travel through the streets to the building where the final rooftop showdown will take place. - "Fandom of the Operator" (The 'real' Lazlo Woodbine briefly appears in the afterlife, complaining about his fictional namesake's treatment by the author)
- "The BrightonomiconThe BrightonomiconThe Brightonomicon is a novel by British Fantasy author Robert Rankin, the title parodying that of the fictional grimoire the Necronomicon from the Cthulhu Mythos. The author lives in Brighton and the book is set in an accurate depiction of the city...
" (Rizla- later revealed to be Jim PooleyJim PooleyJames Arbuthnot Pooley is a fictional character in The Brentford Trilogy written by fantasy/humour writer Robert Rankin. Jim tends to avoid regular employment, preferring to make his living by his wits and constantly seeking to make the perfect bet on racehorses that will give him all the wealth...
of The Brentford TrilogyThe Brentford TrilogyThe Brentford Trilogy is a series of eight novels by writer Robert Rankin. They humorously chronicle the lives of a couple of drunken middle-aged layabouts, Jim Pooley and John Omally, who confront the forces of darkness in the environs of West London, usually with the assistance of large...
- dresses as Lazlo to tackle The Curious Case of the Woodingdean Chameleon in Hugo RuneHugo RuneHugo Rune, full name Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune, is a fictional character appearing in several of Robert Rankin's novels, generally being portrayed as a kind of anti-hero, possessing a fundamentally good character with various assorted eccentricities.-Rune's Origins:Rune's...
's absence) - "Necrophenia" (Lazlo takes centre stage in the 30th novel by Robert Rankin although by means of the assumed identity device used in previous novels. The real LB does make a cameo appearance though.)