Man Laws
Encyclopedia
Man Laws are a series of beer
commercials for Miller Lite
, inspired by the supposed unwritten codes by which men live. In the commercials, the panel discusses a given issue until it decides upon a "Man Law". The "Men of the Square Table" are a parody of King Arthur
's Knights of the Round Table. The "Square Table" they congregate around is located in what appears to be a secret, Dr. Strangelove
-esque room with glass (probably soundproof) walls. The advertising campaign was a response to negative feedback about prior sexist
advertising. The campaign also included a website as well as print advertising.
Among the topics discussed are the proper etiquette for courting a friend's ex-girlfriend, and deciding who rightfully owns Miller Lite brought to parties. The Members of the Square Table are as follows:
portraying The Commish
of beer to protect Miller Lite's status as the beer of choice. Miller has signed a new agency to handle their TV and radio ads, with the first ones to be unveiled during this time.
Beer
Beer is the world's most widely consumed andprobably oldest alcoholic beverage; it is the third most popular drink overall, after water and tea. It is produced by the brewing and fermentation of sugars, mainly derived from malted cereal grains, most commonly malted barley and malted wheat...
commercials for Miller Lite
Miller Lite
Miller Lite is a 4.2% abv pale lager brand sold by MillerCoors of Chicago, Illinois, United States. Sibling beers include Miller Genuine Draft and Miller High Life.-History:...
, inspired by the supposed unwritten codes by which men live. In the commercials, the panel discusses a given issue until it decides upon a "Man Law". The "Men of the Square Table" are a parody of King Arthur
King Arthur
King Arthur is a legendary British leader of the late 5th and early 6th centuries, who, according to Medieval histories and romances, led the defence of Britain against Saxon invaders in the early 6th century. The details of Arthur's story are mainly composed of folklore and literary invention, and...
's Knights of the Round Table. The "Square Table" they congregate around is located in what appears to be a secret, Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, commonly known as Dr. Strangelove, is a 1964 black comedy film which satirizes the nuclear scare. It was directed, produced, and co-written by Stanley Kubrick, starring Peter Sellers and George C. Scott, and featuring Sterling...
-esque room with glass (probably soundproof) walls. The advertising campaign was a response to negative feedback about prior sexist
Sexism
Sexism, also known as gender discrimination or sex discrimination, is the application of the belief or attitude that there are characteristics implicit to one's gender that indirectly affect one's abilities in unrelated areas...
advertising. The campaign also included a website as well as print advertising.
Members of the Square Table
In the commercials, it is their job to judge what is manly and what is not manly in common male situations. The panel is composed of important, macho, and famous men.Among the topics discussed are the proper etiquette for courting a friend's ex-girlfriend, and deciding who rightfully owns Miller Lite brought to parties. The Members of the Square Table are as follows:
| Character | Real Name |
|---|---|
| Mr. Binnie | Brian Binnie Brian Binnie William Brian Binnie is a former United States Navy officer and is one of the test pilots for SpaceShipOne, the experimental spaceplane developed by Scaled Composites.-History:... , pilot/astronaut who flew Spaceship One when it won the X Prize |
| Mr. Bus | Jerome Bettis Jerome Bettis Jerome Abram "The Bus" Bettis is a retired American football halfback who played for the NFL's Los Angeles/St. Louis Rams and Pittsburgh Steelers. Bettis is considered one of the best big backs ever because his footwork and power, and is currently fifth on the National Football League's all-time... , former Pro Bowl Pro Bowl In professional American football, the Pro Bowl is the all-star game of the National Football League . Since the merger with the rival American Football League in 1970, it has been officially called the AFC–NFC Pro Bowl, matching the top players in the American Football Conference against those... NFL running back of the Pittsburgh Steelers Pittsburgh Steelers The Pittsburgh Steelers are a professional football team based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The team currently belongs to the North Division of the American Football Conference in the National Football League . Founded in , the Steelers are the oldest franchise in the AFC... ; Super Bowl winner |
| Mr. de la Hoya | Oscar de la Hoya Oscar de la Hoya Oscar De La Hoya is a retired American boxer of Mexican descent. Nicknamed "The Golden Boy", De La Hoya won a gold medal at the Barcelona Olympic Games shortly after graduating from Garfield High School. De La Hoya comes from a boxing family. His grandfather Vicente, father Joel Sr., and brother... , professional boxer |
| Mr. Flynn | Jackie Flynn, actor/comedian |
| Mr. Gesner | Zen Gesner Zen Gesner Zen Brant Gesner is an American television and movie actor. He is perhaps most recognized for his roles as "Sinbad" in the syndicated television series The Adventures of Sinbad, and was a regular cast member on the ABC daytime drama All My Children as bad boy and rapist Braden Lavery... , actor |
| Mr. Griffin | Eddie Griffin Eddie Griffin Edward James "Eddie" Griffin, Jr. is an American actor and comedian. He is best known for his sitcom, Malcolm & Eddie along with co-star, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, and his role in the 2002 comedy film Undercover Brother as the film’s title character.-Early life:Griffin was born in Kansas City,... , actor/comedian |
| Mr. H | Triple H Triple H Paul Michael Levesque is an American professional wrestler, professional wrestling authority figure, WWE Executive Vice President of Talent and actor, better known by his ring name Triple H, an abbreviation of the ring name, Hunter Hearst Helmsley... , actor/WWE World Wrestling Entertainment World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. is an American publicly traded, privately controlled entertainment company dealing primarily in professional wrestling, with major revenue sources also coming from film, music, product licensing, and direct product sales... professional wrestler |
| Mr. Hart | Carey Hart Carey Hart Carey Jason Hart is an American freestyle motocross motorcycle racer and off-road racer. He and singer Pink have been married since 2006.-Early years:... , actor/professional motocrosser |
| Mr. Johnson | Jimmy Johnson Jimmy Johnson (American football coach) James William "Jimmy" Johnson is an American former NCAA and National Football League head coach. As of 2010, he is currently an analyst for Fox NFL Sunday, the Fox network's NFL pregame show. He was the first football coach whose teams won both an NCAA Division 1A National Championship and a... , former college football and NFL coach. |
| Mr. Kelly | Jim Kelly Jim Kelly James Edward Kelly is a former American football quarterback in the NFL for the Buffalo Bills and the USFL's Houston Gamblers.... , Hall of Fame Pro Bowl Pro Bowl In professional American football, the Pro Bowl is the all-star game of the National Football League . Since the merger with the rival American Football League in 1970, it has been officially called the AFC–NFC Pro Bowl, matching the top players in the American Football Conference against those... quarterback Quarterback Quarterback is a position in American and Canadian football. Quarterbacks are members of the offensive team and line up directly behind the offensive line... formerly of the Buffalo Bills Buffalo Bills The Buffalo Bills are a professional football team based in Buffalo, New York. They are currently members of the East Division of the American Football Conference in the National Football League... (NFL) and the Houston Gamblers Houston Gamblers The Houston Gamblers were an American football team that competed in the United States Football League in 1984 and 1985. The Gamblers were coached by veteran NFL head coach Jack Pardee in both their seasons... (USFL). |
| Mr. Markbreit | Jerry Markbreit Jerry Markbreit Jerry Markbreit is a former American football referee in the National Football League for 23 seasons and became one of the most recognizable referees in the game. Markbreit officiated football games for 43 seasons. From 1965 to 1975, Markbreit officiated college football games in the Big Ten... , former NFL referee |
| Mr. Murray | Ty Murray Ty Murray Ty Monroe Murray is a nine-time World Champion rodeo cowboy and co-founder and board adviser of the Professional Bull Riders.-Early life:... , 7-time All-Around World Rodeo Champion |
| Mr. Ralston | Aron Ralston Aron Ralston Aron Lee Ralston is an American mountain climber and inspirational public speaker. He is widely known for having survived a 2003 canyoneering accident in Utah in which he was forced to amputate his own right arm with a dull pocketknife in order to free himself from a dislodged boulder.The incident... , A Carnegie Mellon graduate and mountaineer who cut off his own lower arm with a pocket knife when a boulder fell on it while canyoneering |
| Mr. Renteria | Paul Renteria, actor/musician |
| Mr. Reynolds | Burt Reynolds Burt Reynolds Burton Leon "Burt" Reynolds, Jr. is an American actor. Some of his memorable roles include Bo 'Bandit' Darville in Smokey and the Bandit, Lewis Medlock in Deliverance, Bobby "Gator" McCluskey in White Lightning and sequel Gator, Paul Crewe and Coach Nate Scarborough in The Longest Yard and its... , actor (the Table's apparent "leader") |
| The Scribe | Johnny Holiday Johnny Holiday Johnny Holiday was an American actor who entered the field of acting at the age of 87.-Biography:... , actor |
Television advertisements
| Problem Posed | Man Law Solution |
|---|---|
| Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out? | It was suggested to be various short amounts of time, but the idea of dating a friend's ex was thought to be wholly unacceptable by Mr. Reynolds. When asked if the woman was "drop-dead gorgeous," 6 months is agreed upon. |
| If you bring Miller Lite to a party and not all of it is consumed, can you take the remainder with you as you leave the party? | Although the ownership of the beer is transferred upon its placement in the host's cooler, you can take one beer with you IF it will fit in your pocket, aka The Tuck Rule. |
| What does Man Law say about hugging other guys? | This is a curious issue. If hugging a (family) relative that you have not seen in a long time, two hands is appropriate. But if hugging anyone else, a hand shake with the other hand over their shoulder is more than enough. |
| If a friend gets you a beer from the bar, is it acceptable for the friend to stick his finger in the opening to bring back several beers to the table at once? | No. "You poke it, you own it." |
| When toasting Toast (honor) A toast is a ritual in which a drink is taken as an expression of honor or goodwill. The term may be applied to the person or thing so honored, the drink taken, or the verbal expression accompanying the drink. Thus, a person could be "the toast of the evening," for whom someone "proposes a toast"... with beer, should you clink with the top or the bottom of the bottle? |
The Bottom, because clinking the top would swap saliva and thus qualify as kissing. |
| When a bet is won, when should it be paid out? | Immediately. Angel should accept his ridicule for his bet against the holiest of holy basketball teams, The Boston Celtics. |
| Does someone have to root for a team when watching football? | Yes. You must always choose to root for a team. |
| Wireless phone headsets: pretty cool or technology gone bad? | Technology gone bad: Anything that makes you look like a crazy person - not cool. (Mr. Bus completely disagrees.) |
| Can you put a lime or any other fruit in your beer? | No, fruit is completely off limits in beer. If one were to put fruit in a beer, they might as well put a little umbrella in it and call it a "beera colada Piña Colada The piña colada is a sweet, rum-based cocktail made with rum, cream of coconut, and pineapple juice, usually served either blended or shaken with ice. It may be garnished with a pineapple wedge or a maraschino cherry or both... ". Man Law: "Don't Fruit the Beer." |
| Is it permissible, in the pursuit of humor, to tap the top of another man's beer bottle with the bottom of your beer bottle, causing the other man's beer bottle to fizz over? | No, as there are plenty of other things that make us laugh without wasting a drop of beer, like Japanese game shows, Undercover Brother Undercover Brother Undercover Brother is a 2002 American comedy film starring Eddie Griffin and directed by Malcolm D. Lee. The screenplay is by Michael McCullers and co-executive producer John Ridley, who created the original internet animation characters. It spoofs blaxploitation films of the 1970s as well as a... on DVD, and Jimmy Johnson's hair. Man Law: "No wasting beer in the pursuit of humor." |
| Have football fans become too reliant on the "D-Fence" sign? | Yes, however, a continuance has been issued on the "D-Fence" sign, while giving a try-out to the "Off-Fence" sign this season. |
| Is it acceptable for a man to leave his fellow men in order to leave with his woman? | No, however, this ruling can be overturned if she is deemed attractive enough by said fellow men. Most notably, Burt Reynolds, in the case of Mr. Murray's girlfriend, Jewel Jewel (singer) Jewel Kilcher , professionally known as Jewel, is an American singer-songwriter, guitarist, producer, actress and poet... . (Beforehand, the Men were discussing if it is acceptable for a man to drive a hybrid car. A Man Law was never adopted for this.) |
| Is it permissible for opponents of a bet to distract one another during the betting event? | No. Unless a distraction clause enabling the opponents to distract is placed before said event occurs. |
| Is it acceptable to leave a game before it ends to beat traffic? | No. In a rare double man law it was also deemed unacceptable for a man to bake on game day. This is the one Rodney Blu appears in. |
| Is it acceptable for a man to use a fake log when real wood is available? | No. Real wood must always be used. |
| Is it acceptable for a wife or girlfriend to store items other than beer in the garage fridge? | No. The line is the line - It is the only sovereign territory left. |
| Is crushing beer cans on your forehead still cool? | No. Cans are not as thick as they once were. Crushing one back then was saying something, but now, it's lame. |
| When down by one, do you go for the tie or the win? | The win. Men go for it. |
| Is it time to retire the High Five? | Yes, the High Five is being overused, but it is given a continuance until a replacement is found. |
| Can you be a fan of more than one team? | No, you can "LIKE" as many teams as you want, but only a be fan of just one. |
| Is it permissible to enjoy feminine music or chick flicks? | No, unless an attractive woman personally okays it chick flicks are for chicks. |
| Is it acceptable to hide Miller Lite somewhere in your fridge? | While most of the men agree with it, Triple H insists that "Sharing is Caring." |
| After your buddies leave beer at your house, how long is it before it becomes your beer? | All beer must be claimed within 24 hours or it becomes property of the house owner. If you asked yourself "What about other alcohol?" remember the only kinds of alcohol are beer and more beer. |
| Can a man ever get a manicure or a pedicure? | Um..Duh! Any man that does this, even if guilted by their women, has to surrender their man card immediately. |
| Is it acceptable to use the word "cute" when describing another man or couple? | No. And all such violations shall incur a 20 man-point penalty from the spot of the foul. |
| It's raining | No. unless you're walking with a woman you MAY NOT hold an umbrella. |
Demise
The Miller Brewing Co. unveiled a new football-related advertising campaign to effectively replace the Man Law ads starting the week of September 2, 2007, to coincide with the start of the 2007 NFL Regular Season. The title is More Taste League (MTL) and these ads consist of actor John C. McGinleyJohn C. McGinley
John Christopher McGinley is an American actor, most notable for his roles as Perry Cox in Scrubs, Bob Slydell in Office Space, Sergeant Red O'Neill in Oliver Stone's Platoon and Marv in Stone's Wall Street. He has also written and produced for television and film...
portraying The Commish
Commissioner
Commissioner is in principle the title given to a member of a commission or to an individual who has been given a commission ....
of beer to protect Miller Lite's status as the beer of choice. Miller has signed a new agency to handle their TV and radio ads, with the first ones to be unveiled during this time.
Popular culture
- The ex-girlfriend rule was referenced in the episode "Both Sides Now" of Power Rangers: Operation OverdrivePower Rangers: Operation OverdrivePower Rangers Operation Overdrive is an American television program, the fifteenth installment in the Power Rangers franchise based on the Super Sentai series GoGo Sentai Boukenger, which is also the thirtieth entry and anniversary of that franchise. It premiered on February 26, 2007...
. Blue Ranger Dax Lo complained about fellow Ranger Will Aston's defection to a female enemy that was once his romantic interest in a previous episode. When their female comrades were taken aback by the comment, Dax and Red Ranger Mack Hartford looked at each other, then at the girls, simply stating "Man Law". The girls rolled their eyes in response. - In a recent taping of The New Yankee WorkshopThe New Yankee WorkshopThe New Yankee Workshop was a woodworking program produced by WGBH Boston, which aired on PBS. Created in 1989 by Russell Morash, the program was hosted by Norm Abram, a regular fixture on Morash's This Old House...
, handyman Norm AbramNorm AbramNorman L. Abram, or Norm Abram, is an American carpenter known for his work on the PBS television programs This Old House and The New Yankee Workshop. He is referred to on these shows as a "master carpenter".-Early life and education:Abram was born in Woonsocket, Rhode Island and raised in...
says "Remember to watch your fingers when you're working a mitre boxMitre boxA mitre box is a woodworking tool used to guide a hand saw to make precise mitre cuts in a board.The most common form of a mitre box is a 3-sided box which is open at the top and the ends. The box is made wide enough to accommodate the width of the boards to be cut. Slots are cut in the walls of...
... Man Law." - For Gator Growl 2007 at the University of FloridaUniversity of FloridaThe University of Florida is an American public land-grant, sea-grant, and space-grant research university located on a campus in Gainesville, Florida. The university traces its historical origins to 1853, and has operated continuously on its present Gainesville campus since September 1906...
, videos shown to fans featured a professor, a marching band member, a fan and Tim TebowTim TebowTimothy Richard "Tim" Tebow is an American football player who is currently the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos of the National Football League . He was drafted by the Broncos as the 25th overall pick in the 2010 NFL Draft...
making "Gator Laws" similar to the Man Law ads. Gator Laws decided on included no cheering for other SECSoutheastern ConferenceThe Southeastern Conference is an American college athletic conference that operates in the southeastern part of the United States. It is headquartered in Birmingham, Alabama...
teams unless it helps the Gators in the polls, it is never acceptable to cheer for FSU, never skip class on Friday for the games on Saturday and body paint on large stomachs is completely acceptable as larger stomachs provide more area to use. - In Stephen KingStephen KingStephen Edwin King is an American author of contemporary horror, suspense, science fiction and fantasy fiction. His books have sold more than 350 million copies and have been adapted into a number of feature films, television movies and comic books...
's 2008 book, Duma KeyDuma KeyDuma Key is a horror novel by American novelist Stephen King published in 2008. The book reached #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List. It is King's first novel to be set in Florida or Minnesota.-Plot:...
, Edgar, the main character, sticks his cut finger in a bottle of hydrogen peroxide rather than dabbing it on the wound. Another character, Jack, grimaces and says "Man-law", to which Edgar replies, "Not unless you were planning to drink it", presumably referencing the "you poke it, you own it" law.