Millport (radio show)
Encyclopedia
Millport was a radio situation comedy
, initially broadcast on BBC Radio 4
and frequently repeated on BBC Radio 7. It starred Lynn Ferguson
and Janet Brown. The show is set in a surreal version of the only town, Millport, on the island of Great Cumbrae
in the River Clyde
Estuary, taking small-town stereotypes to absurd lengths. The central character is barmaid Irene Bruce, who refers to her hometown as 'a scabby wee town on a scabby wee island', and hankers after a life on a larger stage on the mainland - at one point in the series gets a job in a bar in 'Machete Street' Paisley
(a reference to Paisley's reputation for violence - Paisley is mocked mercilessly throughout the radio series). Irene is perpetually bored, cranky and sexually frustrated, but at the same time unattracted to anyone around her. Her infuriatingly sweet (and dull) sister Moira writes articles for the (real) treacly magazine The People's Friend
; no-one seems to comment on the fact that her dog Robert can talk... Alberto the owner of the Ritz Cafe (who always refers to himself as a 'Genuine Italian') is obsessed with the idea that the Sicilian Mafia will come to take over his business (in one episode they really try). He and his irritating adopted daughter Ina (known to Irene as 'that nippy wee dwarf') address each other as 'adopted father' and 'adopted daughter'; Ina frequently prefaces her remarks with the reminder that 'As my early years were spent in a children's home and my upbringing was consequently neglected...'. The doctor always needs a drink. The meally-mouthed minister fancies Moira. The bus-driver Bob Scobie fancies Irene but never says anything but 'Eh?' and 'Aye' (that is, 'yes') and his entire part is built round responding to the comments and questions of others with one or both of these two monosyllables. Bunty Pierce is mostly uninvolved with other humans, being obsessed with the vegetables she grows; Bob's aunt Agnes is mad for toast and forever talking about The War. Dougie the inept postman features in many episodes. Betty Sturgeon has called in at the Ritz for pie and peas every lunchtime for thirty years. Much sherry is drunk...
The show was written by Ferguson.
Cast
Series 1
A pensioner disappears on a tiny Scottish island. From March 2000.
Thirty-something barmaid Irene wonders why her crooked brother has returned to the Scottish island.
Barmaid Irene's got an ulterior motive when matchmaking on the Scottish island. From April 2000.
An unexpected death makes all the islanders question their priorities. From April 2000.
A top restaurant critic causes island speculation when he books a table at Alberto's cafe. From April 2000.
It's turnip season on the Scottish Island - and Irene gets an offer she can't refuse. From April 2000.
Series 2
It's Irene's 33rd birthday - so the island inhabitants have some surprises on the way. April 2001.
Irene enlists Bob's help when strange events send the tiny Scottish island into disarray. May 2001.
Village disputes abound, but how will they be solved if no-one is talking to each other?
People are telling tales, Moira's acting oddly, Bob is ignored - and Irene's confused.
The islanders are bitten by a fitness bug and an inspector arrives to check Bunty's veg.
The islanders unite to save The Cumbrae Bar, but will Irene fight or head to the mainland?
Series 3
Irene arrives on the first ferry of the holiday season, but why is she back on the island?
Can the re-opening of the club go according to plan? And what's in Huberto's suitcase?
As the islanders argue over the club, Irene faces a dilemma over her hysterical sister. Robert the dog escapes to the mainland for a day. Irene still hasn't made it back to Paisley.
The island's neighbours are furious that the town has its own independent public house.
The islanders are excited over the town's media make-over, but can Irene really leave now?
The island make-over's gone sour, so with no Irene - can ailing Bunty stop the bulldozers? Bob and Irene finally get it together.
Situation comedy
A situation comedy, often shortened to sitcom, is a genre of comedy that features characters sharing the same common environment, such as a home or workplace, accompanied with jokes as part of the dialogue...
, initially broadcast on BBC Radio 4
BBC Radio 4
BBC Radio 4 is a British domestic radio station, operated and owned by the BBC, that broadcasts a wide variety of spoken-word programmes, including news, drama, comedy, science and history. It replaced the BBC Home Service in 1967. The station controller is currently Gwyneth Williams, and the...
and frequently repeated on BBC Radio 7. It starred Lynn Ferguson
Lynn Ferguson
Lynn Ferguson is a Scottish writer, actress, comedienne and presenter. She is the sister of comedian Craig Ferguson and is known for voicing the character of Mac in the animated film, Chicken Run.-Early life:...
and Janet Brown. The show is set in a surreal version of the only town, Millport, on the island of Great Cumbrae
Great Cumbrae
Great Cumbrae is the larger of the two islands known as The Cumbraes in the lower Firth of Clyde in western Scotland...
in the River Clyde
River Clyde
The River Clyde is a major river in Scotland. It is the ninth longest river in the United Kingdom, and the third longest in Scotland. Flowing through the major city of Glasgow, it was an important river for shipbuilding and trade in the British Empire....
Estuary, taking small-town stereotypes to absurd lengths. The central character is barmaid Irene Bruce, who refers to her hometown as 'a scabby wee town on a scabby wee island', and hankers after a life on a larger stage on the mainland - at one point in the series gets a job in a bar in 'Machete Street' Paisley
Paisley
Paisley is the largest town in the historic county of Renfrewshire in the west central Lowlands of Scotland and serves as the administrative centre for the Renfrewshire council area...
(a reference to Paisley's reputation for violence - Paisley is mocked mercilessly throughout the radio series). Irene is perpetually bored, cranky and sexually frustrated, but at the same time unattracted to anyone around her. Her infuriatingly sweet (and dull) sister Moira writes articles for the (real) treacly magazine The People's Friend
The People's Friend
The People's Friend is a British weekly magazine founded in 1869 and currently published by D. C. Thomson & Co. Ltd. Its tagline is "The famous story magazine".The magazine is principally aimed at older women and is broadly traditionalist in outlook...
; no-one seems to comment on the fact that her dog Robert can talk... Alberto the owner of the Ritz Cafe (who always refers to himself as a 'Genuine Italian') is obsessed with the idea that the Sicilian Mafia will come to take over his business (in one episode they really try). He and his irritating adopted daughter Ina (known to Irene as 'that nippy wee dwarf') address each other as 'adopted father' and 'adopted daughter'; Ina frequently prefaces her remarks with the reminder that 'As my early years were spent in a children's home and my upbringing was consequently neglected...'. The doctor always needs a drink. The meally-mouthed minister fancies Moira. The bus-driver Bob Scobie fancies Irene but never says anything but 'Eh?' and 'Aye' (that is, 'yes') and his entire part is built round responding to the comments and questions of others with one or both of these two monosyllables. Bunty Pierce is mostly uninvolved with other humans, being obsessed with the vegetables she grows; Bob's aunt Agnes is mad for toast and forever talking about The War. Dougie the inept postman features in many episodes. Betty Sturgeon has called in at the Ritz for pie and peas every lunchtime for thirty years. Much sherry is drunk...
The show was written by Ferguson.
Cast
- Irene Bruce - Lynn Ferguson
- Moira Bruce - Janet Brown
- Agnes Scobie - Janet Brown
- Bob Scobie - Louis McLeod
- Alberto - Louis McLeod
- Robert (the dog) - Louis McLeod
- Dougie - Mark Costello
- Minister - Robert Patterson
- Bunty Pierce - Gabrielle Quigly
- Ina - Gabrielle Quigly
- Betty Sturgeon - Gabrielle Quigly
Series 1
- 1/6. The Storm
A pensioner disappears on a tiny Scottish island. From March 2000.
- 2/6. Lineage
Thirty-something barmaid Irene wonders why her crooked brother has returned to the Scottish island.
- 3/6. Ardour
Barmaid Irene's got an ulterior motive when matchmaking on the Scottish island. From April 2000.
- 4/6. Derek Dodds is Dead
An unexpected death makes all the islanders question their priorities. From April 2000.
- 5/6. Culture
A top restaurant critic causes island speculation when he books a table at Alberto's cafe. From April 2000.
- 6/6. The Letter
It's turnip season on the Scottish Island - and Irene gets an offer she can't refuse. From April 2000.
Series 2
- 1/6. Happy Returns
It's Irene's 33rd birthday - so the island inhabitants have some surprises on the way. April 2001.
- 2/6. Dark Secrets
Irene enlists Bob's help when strange events send the tiny Scottish island into disarray. May 2001.
- 3/6. Avowal
Village disputes abound, but how will they be solved if no-one is talking to each other?
- 4/6. Story
People are telling tales, Moira's acting oddly, Bob is ignored - and Irene's confused.
- 5/6. Growth
The islanders are bitten by a fitness bug and an inspector arrives to check Bunty's veg.
- 6/6. The Verdict
The islanders unite to save The Cumbrae Bar, but will Irene fight or head to the mainland?
Series 3
- 1/6. Reinstatement
Irene arrives on the first ferry of the holiday season, but why is she back on the island?
- 2/6. Restitution
Can the re-opening of the club go according to plan? And what's in Huberto's suitcase?
- 3/6. Wild Rover
As the islanders argue over the club, Irene faces a dilemma over her hysterical sister. Robert the dog escapes to the mainland for a day. Irene still hasn't made it back to Paisley.
- 4/6. The Siege
The island's neighbours are furious that the town has its own independent public house.
- 5/6. Progressive Rock
The islanders are excited over the town's media make-over, but can Irene really leave now?
- 6/6. The end of the beginning
The island make-over's gone sour, so with no Irene - can ailing Bunty stop the bulldozers? Bob and Irene finally get it together.