Parent Effectiveness Training
Encyclopedia
Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) is a parent education program
based on the Gordon Model by Thomas Gordon
. Dr. Gordon taught the first P.E.T. course in 1962 and the courses proved to be so popular with parent
s that he began training instructors throughout the United States to teach it in their communities. Over the next several years, the course spread to all 50 states. In 1970, Dr. Gordon wrote the "Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)" book which gave many more parents access to this new parenting
philosophy. As a result, people in many parts of the world became interested in making the course available in their countries. The book became a best-seller and was updated in 2000 revised book.
P.E.T. is neither authoritarian or permissive, both of which are win-lose methods of child-rearing. Central to the P.E.T. philosophy is the idea that parents can raise children without the use of punitive discipline
which is damaging both to the parent and the child and their relationship. Permissiveness doesn't work either. Instead, Dr. Gordon advocated a no-lose method, a method of resolving conflicts in which both the parent and the child get their needs met.
The Gordon Model upon which the P.E.T. course is based is a set of concepts and skills for having democratic, collaborative relationships. The core skills are Active Listening, I-Messages, Shifting Gears and No-Lose Conflict Resolution. The key to knowing which of these skills to use when is through the use of the Behavior Window. This visual diagram is used to identify who owns the problem when one occurs in a relationship so that it can be resolved successfully.
Gordon Training International, the organization that Dr. Gordon founded, has a network of P.E.T. Representatives and Instructors in 43 countries who make the course available to the parents of all cultural, racial and religious backgrounds.
is a special way of reflecting back what the other person has said, to let them know that you're listening and to check your understanding of what he means. It is a restatement of the other person's total communication: the words of the message plus the accompanying feelings.
s are non-blameful, non-judgmental descriptions of another's behavior which is interefering with your getting your needs met. An I-Message contains three parts: 1) a description of the behavior (what the other person said or did); 2) the tangible and concrete effect of that behavior on you; 3) your feeling about that effect.
's six steps to creative solutions for conflicts. The goal is to find a solution that is acceptable to both people involved in the conflict. No one loses, both win.
Parent education program
A parent education program is a course that can be followed to correct and improve a person's parenting skills. Such courses may be general, covering the most common issues parents may encounter, or specific, for infants, toddlers, children and teenagers...
based on the Gordon Model by Thomas Gordon
Thomas Gordon (psychologist)
Dr. Thomas Gordon was an American clinical psychologist, colleague of Carl Rogers. He is widely recognized as a pioneer in teaching communication skills and conflict resolution methods to parents, teachers, leaders, women, youth and salespeople...
. Dr. Gordon taught the first P.E.T. course in 1962 and the courses proved to be so popular with parent
Parent
A parent is a caretaker of the offspring in their own species. In humans, a parent is of a child . Children can have one or more parents, but they must have two biological parents. Biological parents consist of the male who sired the child and the female who gave birth to the child...
s that he began training instructors throughout the United States to teach it in their communities. Over the next several years, the course spread to all 50 states. In 1970, Dr. Gordon wrote the "Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)" book which gave many more parents access to this new parenting
Parenting
Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood...
philosophy. As a result, people in many parts of the world became interested in making the course available in their countries. The book became a best-seller and was updated in 2000 revised book.
P.E.T. is neither authoritarian or permissive, both of which are win-lose methods of child-rearing. Central to the P.E.T. philosophy is the idea that parents can raise children without the use of punitive discipline
Discipline
In its original sense, discipline is referred to systematic instruction given to disciples to train them as students in a craft or trade, or to follow a particular code of conduct or "order". Often, the phrase "to discipline" carries a negative connotation. This is because enforcement of order –...
which is damaging both to the parent and the child and their relationship. Permissiveness doesn't work either. Instead, Dr. Gordon advocated a no-lose method, a method of resolving conflicts in which both the parent and the child get their needs met.
The Gordon Model upon which the P.E.T. course is based is a set of concepts and skills for having democratic, collaborative relationships. The core skills are Active Listening, I-Messages, Shifting Gears and No-Lose Conflict Resolution. The key to knowing which of these skills to use when is through the use of the Behavior Window. This visual diagram is used to identify who owns the problem when one occurs in a relationship so that it can be resolved successfully.
Gordon Training International, the organization that Dr. Gordon founded, has a network of P.E.T. Representatives and Instructors in 43 countries who make the course available to the parents of all cultural, racial and religious backgrounds.
Active Listening
Active listeningActive listening
Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what they hear. The ability to listen actively can improve personal relationships through reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding.When interacting,...
is a special way of reflecting back what the other person has said, to let them know that you're listening and to check your understanding of what he means. It is a restatement of the other person's total communication: the words of the message plus the accompanying feelings.
I-Messages
I-messageI-message
In interpersonal communication, an I-message is an assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence beginning with the word "I", and is contrasted with a "you-message", which often begins with the word "you" and focuses on the person...
s are non-blameful, non-judgmental descriptions of another's behavior which is interefering with your getting your needs met. An I-Message contains three parts: 1) a description of the behavior (what the other person said or did); 2) the tangible and concrete effect of that behavior on you; 3) your feeling about that effect.
No-Lose Conflict Resolution
No-Lose Conflict Resolution is based on John DeweyJohn Dewey
John Dewey was an American philosopher, psychologist and educational reformer whose ideas have been influential in education and social reform. Dewey was an important early developer of the philosophy of pragmatism and one of the founders of functional psychology...
's six steps to creative solutions for conflicts. The goal is to find a solution that is acceptable to both people involved in the conflict. No one loses, both win.