I know its bacon... but what have you done to it?! Joanne Greenwald... the girl with the antennae on her face?

I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.

She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn't speak imbecile.

[why he can't pay the paper boy] Uh, my brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and my grandmother, she dropped acid and freaked out and hijaked a schoolbus full of...penguins.

I gotta go, the Christmas tree is on fire. [hangs up the phone.]

I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years! I'm no dummy!

This is pure snow. It's everywhere! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?

Dying when you're not really sick is really sick, you know. Really!

[giving skiing instructions] Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

Beth Truss: She dates the basketball team. Not certain members of the team, Lane, the whole team!