"Professional Widow" is a 1996 song written by singer-songwriter

Singer-songwriter

Singer-songwriters are musicians who write, compose and sing their own musical material including lyrics and melodies. As opposed to contemporary popular music singers who write their own songs, the term singer-songwriter describes a distinct form of artistry, closely associated with the...

 Tori Amos

Tori Amos

Tori Amos is an American pianist, singer-songwriter and composer. She was at the forefront of a number of female singer-songwriters in the early 1990s and was noteworthy early in her career as one of the few alternative rock performers to use a piano as her primary instrument...

. It was originally a harpsichord

Harpsichord

A harpsichord is a musical instrument played by means of a keyboard. It produces sound by plucking a string when a key is pressed.In the narrow sense, "harpsichord" designates only the large wing-shaped instruments in which the strings are perpendicular to the keyboard...

-driven rock

Rock music

Rock music is a genre of popular music that developed during and after the 1960s, particularly in the United Kingdom and the United States. It has its roots in 1940s and 1950s rock and roll, itself heavily influenced by rhythm and blues and country music...

 dirge included on her 1996 album Boys for Pele

Boys for Pele

Boys for Pele is the third studio album by American singer and song-writer Tori Amos. Preceded by the first single, "Caught a Lite Sneeze", by three weeks, the album was released on 22 January 1996, in the United Kingdom and on 23 January, in the United States...

, but it gained international popularity after being remix

Remix

A remix is an alternative version of a recorded song, made from an original version. This term is also used for any alterations of media other than song ....

ed by house music

House music

House music is a genre of electronic dance music that originated in Chicago, Illinois, United States in the early 1980s. It was initially popularized in mid-1980s discothèques catering to the African-American, Latino American, and gay communities; first in Chicago circa 1984, then in other...

 producer Armand van Helden

Armand Van Helden

Armand Van Helden is a record producer, DJ and remixer whose biggest commercial successes came from his remixes of the 1996 Tori Amos song "Professional Widow" , which reached number 1 in the UK Singles Chart in January 1997, and his own track "U Don't Know Me ", which went to number 1...

. The remixed single (marketed as "Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix") hit number one on the UK single chart and the Hot Dance Music/Club Play chart in the U.S. The song was then further remixed by artist Mr. Roy, spawning an entirely new CD-single of remixes that again took to the charts. In October 1996, a mash-up was made by The Dirty Rotten Scoundrels of the Armand van Helden remix and Lisa Stansfield's "People Hold On".

The eponymous "professional widow" is widely rumoured to be Courtney Love

Courtney Love

Courtney Michelle Love is an American rock musician. Love is the lead vocalist, lyricist, and rhythm guitarist for alternative rock band Hole, which she formed in 1989, and is an actress who has moved from bit parts in Alex Cox films to significant and acclaimed roles in The People vs...

, former wife of Kurt Cobain

Kurt Cobain

Kurt Donald Cobain was an American singer-songwriter, musician and artist, best known as the lead singer and guitarist of the grunge band Nirvana...

, whom Trent Reznor

Trent Reznor

Michael Trent Reznor is an American multi-instrumentalist, composer, record producer, and leader of industrial rock band Nine Inch Nails. Reznor is also a member of How to Destroy Angels alongside his wife, Mariqueen Maandig, and Atticus Ross. He was previously associated with bands Option 30,...

 credits with destroying the 'friendship' (whatever its extent) between himself and Tori. In 1999, Reznor's band Nine Inch Nails

Nine Inch Nails

Nine Inch Nails is an American industrial rock project, founded in 1988 by Trent Reznor in Cleveland, Ohio. As its main producer, singer, songwriter, and instrumentalist, Reznor is the only official member of Nine Inch Nails and remains solely responsible for its direction...

 released a single called "Starfuckers, Inc.

Starfuckers, Inc.

"Starfuckers, Inc." is a song by Nine Inch Nails.The song is released as the fourth single from the double album, The Fragile...

", with "Starfucker" being a word that appears in "Professional Widow".

Personnel (of original recording on Boys for Pele)

• Tori Amos: harpsichord
  Harpsichord
  A harpsichord is a musical instrument played by means of a keyboard. It produces sound by plucking a string when a key is pressed.In the narrow sense, "harpsichord" designates only the large wing-shaped instruments in which the strings are perpendicular to the keyboard...
  
  , Bösendorfer
  Bösendorfer
  Bösendorfer is an Austrian piano manufacturer, and a wholly owned subsidiary of Yamaha. The brand is known for producing pianos with a uniquely rich, singing, and sustaining tone...
  
   piano, vocals
• Alan Friedman: drum programming (including the cry of a bull, which was actually credited as "bull: Bull" in the Boys for Pele liner notes)
• George Porter Jr.: bass guitar
  Bass guitar
  The bass guitar is a stringed instrument played primarily with the fingers or thumb , or by using a pick....
  
  
• Manu Katche
  Manu Katché
  Manu Katché is a French musician of Ivorian origin, born in Saint-Maur-des-Fossés on 27 October 1958. He is a drummer and songwriter.-Career:Session musician...
  
  : drum
  Drum
  The drum is a member of the percussion group of musical instruments, which is technically classified as the membranophones. Drums consist of at least one membrane, called a drumhead or drum skin, that is stretched over a shell and struck, either directly with the player's hands, or with a...
  
  s
• Steve Caton
  Steve Caton
  Steve Caton is a professional guitarist/singer, song writer, producer, and visual artist, whose career has spanned almost three decades.Catons first time in a band was in Tedd Armstrongs' band "PEGASUS" in the late 1970s into early 1980s. Even as a beginner, Caton's talent as a lead guitarist was...
  
  : guitar
  Guitar
  The guitar is a plucked string instrument, usually played with fingers or a pick. The guitar consists of a body with a rigid neck to which the strings, generally six in number, are attached. Guitars are traditionally constructed of various woods and strung with animal gut or, more recently, with...
  
  

CD single

1. Professional Widow (LP Mix) – 4:31
2. Professional Widow (Armand
   Armand Van Helden
   Armand Van Helden is a record producer, DJ and remixer whose biggest commercial successes came from his remixes of the 1996 Tori Amos song "Professional Widow" , which reached number 1 in the UK Singles Chart in January 1997, and his own track "U Don't Know Me ", which went to number 1...
   
   's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) – 8:08
3. Professional Widow (MK
   Mark Kinchen
   Marc "MK" Kinchen is an American house-music producer, who hit #1 on the US Billboard Hot Dance Music/Club Play chart in 1993 and 1994 with the songs "Always" and "Love Changes." Lead vocals on both of those tracks were performed by Alana Simon . "Always" peaked at #69 in the UK Singles Chart in...
   
    Mix) – 7:20
4. Professional Widow (Just Da Funk Dub) – 3:44
5. Professional Widow (MK Vampire Dub) – 6:56
6. Professional Widow (Armand's Instrumental) – 5:35
7. Professional Widow (Bonus Beats) – 4:31

12" single

1. Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) – 8:08
2. Professional Widow (Just Da Funk Dub) – 3:44
3. Professional Widow (MK Mix) – 7:20
4. Professional Widow (MK Vampire Dub) 6:56

CD single

1. Hey Jupiter (The Dakota Version) – 6:03
2. Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) (Radio Edit) – 3:45
3. Sugar (Live) – 5:43
4. Honey (Live) – 4:19

12" single

1. Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) – 8:08
2. Hey Jupiter (The Dakota Version) (Radio Edit) – 4:14
3. Talula (BT's Synethasia Mix) – 11:27

Cassette single

1. Hey Jupiter (The Dakota Version) – 6:03
2. Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) (Radio Edit) – 3:45

CD single

1. Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) (Radio Edit) – 3:45
2. Professional Widow (Mr Roy's 7" Edit)
3. Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) – 8:08
4. Professional Widow (Mr Roy's Cosmic Cottage Mix)
5. Professional Widow (Just Da Funk Dub)

12" single

1. Professional Widow (Mr Roy's Cosmic Cottage)
2. Professional Widow (Mr Roy's 7" Edit)
3. Professional Widow (Armands Star Trunk Funkin' Mix)
4. Professional Widow (Just Da Funk Dub)

Cassette single

1. Professional Widow (Mr Roy's 7" Edit)
2. Professional Widow (Armands Star Trunk Funkin' Mix)

Compilations

Following the release of Boys for Pele

Boys for Pele

Boys for Pele is the third studio album by American singer and song-writer Tori Amos. Preceded by the first single, "Caught a Lite Sneeze", by three weeks, the album was released on 22 January 1996, in the United Kingdom and on 23 January, in the United States...

, on which it first appeared, "Professional Widow" has been featured on several releases.

• 1996 – The LP version is featured on the Escape from L.A.
  Escape from L.A.
  Escape From L.A. is a 1996 film directed by John Carpenter. The sequel to the action film Escape from New York, the film follows former war hero Snake Plissken, played by Kurt Russell...
  
  soundtrack.
• 1996 – The "Merry Widow version", a live version performed on an organ during her 1996 tour, appeared on the Hey Jupiter
  Hey Jupiter
  "Hey Jupiter" is a song written and recorded by American singer-songwriter Tori Amos. It served as the fourth single from her album Boys For Pele and was Amos' first EP since 1992's Crucify. The Hey Jupiter EP features a remixed version of "Hey Jupiter" followed by 4 live tracks recorded during her...
  
  EP.
• 1997 – A compilation CD titled Work Out, released by Atlantic Records
  Atlantic Records
  Atlantic Records is an American record label best known for its many recordings of rhythm and blues, rock and roll, and jazz...
  
  , leads off with the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix."
• 1997 – Boys for Pele was reissued in the UK featuring both the LP version and the full-length "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" back-to-back. Consequently, the track "In the Springtime of His Voodoo" is cut from the album.
• 2003 – The compilation CD Tales of a Librarian
  Tales of a Librarian
  -Live:-Others:-Charts:...
  
  seats the radio edit of the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" between two other Boys for Pele songs.
• 2005 – The "Digital Version" of Boys for Pele was made available on iTunes, featuring the same track listing as the 1997 UK reissue.
• 2006 – The digital iTunes
  ITunes
  iTunes is a media player computer program, used for playing, downloading, and organizing digital music and video files on desktop computers. It can also manage contents on iPod, iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad....
  
   "Essentials" collection includes the full length (8:06) "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" in their Tori Amos best-of playlist, categorized as one of "The Basics."
• 2006 – The box set compilation A Piano: The Collection
  A Piano: The Collection
  A Piano: The Collection is a five-disc box set spanning the first 15 years of the solo career of American singer and song-writer Tori Amos. Released on September 26, 2006 by Rhino Records as part of the contract Amos negotiated with Warner Bros., the set consists of classics, rarities, demos,...
  
  includes the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" edit as well as the "Merry Widow Live Version," but again, not the album version. The "Merry Widow" version featured here is an edit, which fades out some of Amos' dialog heard on the original Hey Jupiter EP.

Video

A video was made for the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix," but it was simply a collection of clips from other Tori Amos videos edited together. It is the only video from between 1991 and 1998 that does not appear on Tori Amos: Complete Videos 1991-1998

Tori Amos: Complete Videos 1991-1998

Tori Amos: The Complete Videos 1991–1998 is a VHS cassette of all of Tori Amos's videos from Little Earthquakes through From the Choirgirl Hotel, with the exception of Professional Widow. The video collection was released in a standard-size hard plastic VHS case and a large soft plastic VHS case...

.

One can see Amos playing "Professional Widow" live on the Welcome to Sunny Florida

Welcome to Sunny Florida

Welcome to Sunny Florida is the name of a DVD and CD set released by singer/songwriter Tori Amos in 2004. The set features a live concert performance by Amos from her 2002 "Scarlet's Walk" tour, in support of her album by the same name. It was recorded live at Sound Advice Amphitheatre in West Palm...

DVD. The performance features Jon Evans

Jon Evans

Jon Evans is a Canadian novelist and journalist.Born to an expatriate Rhodesian father and Canadian mother, he grew up in Waterloo, Ontario, and is a graduate of the University of Waterloo....

 on bass and Matt Chamberlain

Matt Chamberlain

Matthew Chamberlain is an American drummer, producer and sound engineer. He is currently based in Los Angeles, California.-Early life:...

 on drums, while Amos plays the piano. This version mutes out any instances of "fuck

Fuck

"Fuck" is an English word that is generally considered obscene which, in its most literal meaning, refers to the act of sexual intercourse. By extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed."Fuck" can be used as a verb, adverb,...

er," and the last word, "cock

Cock

-Ornithology:* the male of most species of bird, but especially** A Rooster or cockerel, the male of the domestic fowl or chicken, Gallus domesticus*The English name of several species of bird incorporates the word cock, such as...

".

Covers

• Hard rock act The Good Year Pimps released a version of the song for the compilation, Wouldn't It Be Great To Have All These Songs on One Album. This release also contains a cover of Amos' song "Iieee."

• Dance/jazz Nite Flyte recorded a version of the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" for their album 30,000 Feet, revisioning it is a laid-back groove.

• A more spot-on dance cover of the "Star Trunk Funkin' Mix" was done by trance group Money Order.

• The Vitamin String Quartet included an "album mix"-inspired version on their 2nd Tori Amos tribute compendium.

Remixes

• Professional Widow (LP Mix) (Original Version) 4:31)
• Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix) (Radio Edit 3:45)
• Professional Widow (Armand's Instrumental 5:35)
• Professional Widow (Armand's Star Trunk Funkin' Mix 8:08)
• Professional Widow (Bonus Beats 4:31)
• Professional Widow (Just Da Funk Dub 3:44)
• Professional Widow (MK
  Mark Kinchen
  Marc "MK" Kinchen is an American house-music producer, who hit #1 on the US Billboard Hot Dance Music/Club Play chart in 1993 and 1994 with the songs "Always" and "Love Changes." Lead vocals on both of those tracks were performed by Alana Simon . "Always" peaked at #69 in the UK Singles Chart in...
  
   Mix 7:20)
• Professional Widow (MK Vampire Dub 6:56)
• Professional Widow (Mr Roy's 7" Edit)
• Professional Widow (Mr Roy's Cosmic Cottage Mix)

Charts

Chart (1996)	Position
U.S. Billboard Bubbling Under Hot 100 Singles Bubbling Under Hot 100 Singles The Bubbling Under Hot 100 Singles is a chart published weekly by Billboard magazine in the United States. It lists the top 25 singles below number 100 that have not yet charted on the Billboard Hot 100. Sometimes, however, singles halt their progress on this chart, and never appear on the Hot 100...	8
U.S. Billboard Hot Dance Club Play Hot Dance Club Play The Hot Dance Club Songs chart is a weekly national survey of the songs that are most popular in U.S. dance clubs...	1
U.S. Billboard Hot Dance Single Sales	14
U.K. Singles Chart	1
Australian ARIA Australian Recording Industry Association The Australian Recording Industry Association is a trade group representing the Australian recording industry which was established in 1983 by six major record companies, EMI, Festival, CBS, RCA, WEA and Universal replacing the Association of Australian Record Manufacturers which was formed in 1956...  Singles Chart	17
Canadian Singles Chart	38
Belgium Walonia Singles Chart	22
Belgium Flanders Singles Chart	22
Norwegian Singles Chart	17
Swiss Singles Chart	22
Austrian Singles Chart	23
French Singles Chart	35
Dutch Singles Chart	33
Swedish Singles Chart	40
Finnish Singles Chart	16
German Singles Chart	38

See also

• List of number-one dance singles of 1997 (U.S.)
• List of artists who reached number one on the U.S. dance chart
• Other Tori Amos songs that have hit number one on the dance charts:
  • "Blue Skies
    Blue Skies (BT song)
    "Blue Skies" is a song by BT with featured vocals by Tori Amos. Released as a single in the United Kingdom in October 1996, it hit number one on the United States Hot Dance Music/Club Play chart in January 1997. "Blue Skies" also appears on the Party of Five soundtrack...
    
    " (BT featuring Tori Amos)
  • "Jackie's Strength
    Jackie's Strength
    "Jackie's Strength" is a song by Tori Amos, released as the second single from her 1998 album From the Choirgirl Hotel. It reached #54 on the U.S. Hot 100 chart. The remix single, released the following year, reached number one on the Hot Dance Club Play chart in the U.S...
    
    "