Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks. That's all anyone really cares about.

I saved Latin. What did you ever do?

[Introducing his play "Heaven and Hell"] Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

[to Rosemary] So we both have dead people in our families.

[to Rosemary] I'm sorry, I just came by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!

Well, tell that stupid mick he just made my list of things to do today.

I wrote a hit play!

[to Rosemary] Rushmore was my life, now you are.

You think I got kicked out for just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you wanna know something else? It was worth it.