Seduction community
Encyclopedia
The seduction community is a subculture
of men, primarily communicating on the Internet, who strive for better sexual success
/access with women. Members of the community often call themselves pickup artists (PUA). It exists mostly through Internet newsletters, marketing (e.g. ads, seminars, one on one coaching), forums and groups, as well as over a hundred local clubs, known as "lairs".
, who promotes a collection of neuro-linguistic programming
(NLP) techniques called speed seduction (SS). Other gurus established themselves, but lacked contacts with each other. In 1994, Lewis De Payne, then a student of Jeffries, founded the newsgroup alt.seduction.fast (ASF). This then spawned a network of other Internet discussion forums, email lists, blogs, and sites where seduction techniques could be exchanged.
The original alt.seduction.fast became overwhelmed with spam
, and a group called "Learn the Skills Corporation" developed a moderated alternative known as "Moderated ASF" (commonly "mASF"). During the same period, in the late 1990s, Clifford Lee began his Cliff's List Seduction Letter as a central independent voice of the community.
Other seduction teachers emerged with competing methods, and became known within this community as "seduction gurus" or "gurus".
"The Community" was brought more into the mainstream when, in 2005, Neil Strauss
wrote The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
, an exposé of the seduction community. The Game reached the New York Times Bestseller List, and popularized pickup and seduction to a broader audience.
"The Community" was further publicized with the television show "The Pick Up Artist"
on VH1
.
Seduction lairs are an underground meeting group for men devoted to the study of seduction
as it is taught in the seduction community.
Lairs first began as study groups soon after Ross Jeffries released his first products and began teaching sometime in the early 90s. They became widely known after the release of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
by Neil Strauss
. Hundreds of lairs exist.
A "lair" typically involves two elements: an online forum and group meetings. These elements are used as resources for men who want to learn to become well-versed in how to successfully attract women.
Lairs are often places that 'seduction gurus' will visit to promote their wares by speaking and advising the group as is mentioned by Neil Strauss in The Game.
. A lot of the theory is based on evolutionary biology, focused on sexual selection.
Many members of the seduction community work on their "game" (seduction skills) by improving their understanding of psychology, their confidence and self-esteem (termed "inner game"), and their social skills and physical appearance (physical fitness, fashion sense, grooming) ("outer game"). Many members of the community believe that one's "game" is refined through regular practice, with the idea that the abilities needed to interact in this way with women can be improved.
The seduction community has a unique set of acronyms and jargon
for describing male-female dynamics and social interaction. For example, 'AFC' ("average frustrated chump") is a term coined by Ross Jeffries
to describe males who are typically clueless and incompetent with women.
Alpha-Male Of the Group (AMOG): a reference to a competing male, who is usually either befriended by the PUA, or, if necessary, ridiculed. Some of the concepts in the community are borrowed from other disciplines, such as the concept of social proof
from the psychology of influence
, and various concepts from sociobiology
and evolutionary psychology
(such as the term "alpha male
").
, Neil Strauss
documents various practices that occur in the seduction community. Members of the community believe in achieving success with women through scientific and empirical
means, rather than by relying on good looks or intuitive instinct, or by following societal courtship conventions. The practice of going out with the purpose of meeting women is known as "sarging", a term coined by Ross Jeffries
, after his cat "Sarge". A pickup artist can "sarge" alone, or with a wingman
.
Members of the seduction community often practice approaching and opening repetitively; some have done thousands of approaches. Strauss describes a pickup artist who did 125 approaches in one day.
' article on the community in The New York Times, and his bestselling memoir The Game. Response to the seduction community has been varied; it has been called misogynistic
, and a review of The Game in the San Francisco Chronicle
characterized the community as "a puerile cult of sexual conquest," and calls its tactics "sinister" and "pathetic." According to the review, "if women in the book are sometimes treated as a commodity, they come out looking better than the men, who can be downright loathsome — and show themselves eventually to be pretty sad, dysfunctional characters."
Feminists tend to be critical of the seduction community. Beatrix Campbell
has stated that The Game "sexually objectifies women," arguing that "Nowhere from its description do you get a sense of men being helped to be human in an easy and agreeable way...it's not about having any rapport or relationship... the only thing that will help them in relationships is empathy
and liking women."
According to an article in Eye Weekly
, some feminists believe that pickup "isn't just cheesy; it's offensive." The article cites a proposal put forward by a feministblogs.org writer as an alternative to the formula used by expert PUAs: "Shake my hand. [Say] 'Hi, my name is…' Treat me like a human being. Avoid seeing women as conquests and men as competition."
An article in the Houston Press
claimed that the seduction community "isn't the lechfest it might sound like." The article quotes the webmaster of fastseduction.com defending the community: "It's no more deceptive
than push-up bras or heels
or going to the gym to work out…This isn't just a game of words and seduction, it's an overall life improvement." Strauss says, "I really think all of these routines and manipulations are just a way for a guy to get his foot in the door so that if a woman connects with him, she can still choose him," and that seduction techniques "can be used for good or evil!" He argues that "women are incredibly intuitive — the creepy guys with bad intentions don't do nearly as well as the guys who love and respect women."
Several writers describe observing men in the seduction community first-hand. Some women recount experiences with men they believed to be pickup artists who tried to "pick them up," and some men recount trying out pickup techniques. A columnist for The Independent
describes a negative experience with a man she believed was a pickup artist and used a lot of "negs" on her: "The problem is that some guys clearly don't know when to quit."
An article in San Francisco Magazine recounts the experience the blogger "Dolly," who is the "author of the popular sex blog The Truth about Cocks and Dolls" had with the seduction community. According to the article, Dolly was:
Jaimal Yogis, the author of the article, reports trying out some of the teachings of PickUp 101
and describes "having an epiphany: I can talk to anyone." For an article for the Times Online, Hugo Rifkind
participated in a seminar by Neil Strauss. Rifkind describes initially struggling with seduction techniques, eventually learning to attract women's interest, and then feeling guilty. Rifkind writes, "After a little more practice, my 'game' is improving dramatically. I can open with fluency, and there’s an injection of confidence which comes from knowing exactly what you are going to say next." When he attracts a woman's attention, "she is — quite honestly — looking at me like I’m the most fascinating person she’s ever met. As a human being and, perhaps more crucially, as somebody with a girlfriend, I feel like absolute scum."
After spending three days immersed in a Mystery Method Corp (now Love Systems
) seminar, Gene Weingarten
expressed his uneasiness about "a step by step tutorial for men in how to pick up women, make them comfortable in your presence, and bed them, ideally within seven hours of your first meeting" and wondered aloud, "Is there something inherently wrong with the notion of seduction as a classroom-taught skill, complete with a long hierarchy of 'lines' that work, seemingly spontaneous topics of conversation that are anything but spontaneous, tricks for seeming 'vulnerable', and tips on how to behave so as to deliver subtle but effective nonverbal inducements to intimacy?"
, Strauss describes the competition between seduction gurus.
Subculture
In sociology, anthropology and cultural studies, a subculture is a group of people with a culture which differentiates them from the larger culture to which they belong.- Definition :...
of men, primarily communicating on the Internet, who strive for better sexual success
Sexual selection
Sexual selection, a concept introduced by Charles Darwin in his 1859 book On the Origin of Species, is a significant element of his theory of natural selection...
/access with women. Members of the community often call themselves pickup artists (PUA). It exists mostly through Internet newsletters, marketing (e.g. ads, seminars, one on one coaching), forums and groups, as well as over a hundred local clubs, known as "lairs".
History
The seduction community's origins date back to Ross JeffriesRoss Jeffries
Ross Jeffries is a former comedy writer and the creator of "Speed Seduction," a set of personal development writings and seminars that draw on Neuro-linguistic Programming and hypnotic techniques...
, who promotes a collection of neuro-linguistic programming
Neuro-linguistic programming
Neuro-linguistic programming is an approach to psychotherapy, self-help and organizational change. Founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder say that NLP is a model of interpersonal communication and a system of alternative therapy which seeks to educate people in self-awareness and effective...
(NLP) techniques called speed seduction (SS). Other gurus established themselves, but lacked contacts with each other. In 1994, Lewis De Payne, then a student of Jeffries, founded the newsgroup alt.seduction.fast (ASF). This then spawned a network of other Internet discussion forums, email lists, blogs, and sites where seduction techniques could be exchanged.
The original alt.seduction.fast became overwhelmed with spam
Spam (electronic)
Spam is the use of electronic messaging systems to send unsolicited bulk messages indiscriminately...
, and a group called "Learn the Skills Corporation" developed a moderated alternative known as "Moderated ASF" (commonly "mASF"). During the same period, in the late 1990s, Clifford Lee began his Cliff's List Seduction Letter as a central independent voice of the community.
Other seduction teachers emerged with competing methods, and became known within this community as "seduction gurus" or "gurus".
"The Community" was brought more into the mainstream when, in 2005, Neil Strauss
Neil Strauss
Neil Darrow Strauss , also known by the pen names Style and Chris Powles, is an American and Kittitian author, journalist and ghostwriter...
wrote The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists is a non-fictional book written by investigative reporter Neil Strauss as a chronicle of his journey and encounters in the seduction community.The book was featured on the New York Times Bestseller List for two months after its release in...
, an exposé of the seduction community. The Game reached the New York Times Bestseller List, and popularized pickup and seduction to a broader audience.
"The Community" was further publicized with the television show "The Pick Up Artist"
The Pick-up Artist (TV series)
The Pickup Artist is an American reality show on VH1 which focuses on a group of eight or nine male contestants who have historically been unsuccessful in love and relationships learning the art of the "pickup" as taught by seduction artist Mystery and his wings...
on VH1
VH1
VH1 or Vh1 is an American cable television network based in New York City. Launched on January 1, 1985 in the old space of Turner Broadcasting's short-lived Cable Music Channel, the original purpose of the channel was to build on the success of MTV by playing music videos, but targeting a slightly...
.
Seduction lairs are an underground meeting group for men devoted to the study of seduction
Seduction
In social science, seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person to engage. The word seduction stems from Latin and means literally "to lead astray". As a result, the term may have a positive or negative connotation...
as it is taught in the seduction community.
Lairs first began as study groups soon after Ross Jeffries released his first products and began teaching sometime in the early 90s. They became widely known after the release of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists is a non-fictional book written by investigative reporter Neil Strauss as a chronicle of his journey and encounters in the seduction community.The book was featured on the New York Times Bestseller List for two months after its release in...
by Neil Strauss
Neil Strauss
Neil Darrow Strauss , also known by the pen names Style and Chris Powles, is an American and Kittitian author, journalist and ghostwriter...
. Hundreds of lairs exist.
A "lair" typically involves two elements: an online forum and group meetings. These elements are used as resources for men who want to learn to become well-versed in how to successfully attract women.
Lairs are often places that 'seduction gurus' will visit to promote their wares by speaking and advising the group as is mentioned by Neil Strauss in The Game.
Concepts
Supporters of this community typically believe that the conventional dating advice for men is fatally flawed. For example, they reject the notion that men should attempt to woo women by spending money on them (e.g. buying drinks, presents, jewelry), calling it supplicationSupplication
Supplication is the most common form of prayer, wherein a person asks God to provide something, either for the person or who is doing the praying or for someone else on whose behalf a prayer. This because of a supplication is being made, also known as intercession.The concept of supplication is...
. A lot of the theory is based on evolutionary biology, focused on sexual selection.
Many members of the seduction community work on their "game" (seduction skills) by improving their understanding of psychology, their confidence and self-esteem (termed "inner game"), and their social skills and physical appearance (physical fitness, fashion sense, grooming) ("outer game"). Many members of the community believe that one's "game" is refined through regular practice, with the idea that the abilities needed to interact in this way with women can be improved.
The seduction community has a unique set of acronyms and jargon
Jargon
Jargon is terminology which is especially defined in relationship to a specific activity, profession, group, or event. The philosophe Condillac observed in 1782 that "Every science requires a special language because every science has its own ideas." As a rationalist member of the Enlightenment he...
for describing male-female dynamics and social interaction. For example, 'AFC' ("average frustrated chump") is a term coined by Ross Jeffries
Ross Jeffries
Ross Jeffries is a former comedy writer and the creator of "Speed Seduction," a set of personal development writings and seminars that draw on Neuro-linguistic Programming and hypnotic techniques...
to describe males who are typically clueless and incompetent with women.
Alpha-Male Of the Group (AMOG): a reference to a competing male, who is usually either befriended by the PUA, or, if necessary, ridiculed. Some of the concepts in the community are borrowed from other disciplines, such as the concept of social proof
Social proof
Social proof, also known as informational social influence, is a psychological phenomenon where people assume the actions of others reflect correct behavior for a given situation...
from the psychology of influence
Social influence
Social influence occurs when an individual's thoughts, feelings or actions are affected by other people. Social influence takes many forms and can be seen in conformity, socialization, peer pressure, obedience, leadership, persuasion, sales, and marketing...
, and various concepts from sociobiology
Sociobiology
Sociobiology is a field of scientific study which is based on the assumption that social behavior has resulted from evolution and attempts to explain and examine social behavior within that context. Often considered a branch of biology and sociology, it also draws from ethology, anthropology,...
and evolutionary psychology
Evolutionary psychology
Evolutionary psychology is an approach in the social and natural sciences that examines psychological traits such as memory, perception, and language from a modern evolutionary perspective. It seeks to identify which human psychological traits are evolved adaptations, that is, the functional...
(such as the term "alpha male
Alpha (biology)
In social animals, the alpha is the individual in the community with the highest rank. Where one male and one female fulfill this role, they are referred to as the alpha pair...
").
Practices
In The GameThe Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists is a non-fictional book written by investigative reporter Neil Strauss as a chronicle of his journey and encounters in the seduction community.The book was featured on the New York Times Bestseller List for two months after its release in...
, Neil Strauss
Neil Strauss
Neil Darrow Strauss , also known by the pen names Style and Chris Powles, is an American and Kittitian author, journalist and ghostwriter...
documents various practices that occur in the seduction community. Members of the community believe in achieving success with women through scientific and empirical
Empiricism
Empiricism is a theory of knowledge that asserts that knowledge comes only or primarily via sensory experience. One of several views of epistemology, the study of human knowledge, along with rationalism, idealism and historicism, empiricism emphasizes the role of experience and evidence,...
means, rather than by relying on good looks or intuitive instinct, or by following societal courtship conventions. The practice of going out with the purpose of meeting women is known as "sarging", a term coined by Ross Jeffries
Ross Jeffries
Ross Jeffries is a former comedy writer and the creator of "Speed Seduction," a set of personal development writings and seminars that draw on Neuro-linguistic Programming and hypnotic techniques...
, after his cat "Sarge". A pickup artist can "sarge" alone, or with a wingman
Wingman (social)
Wingman is a role that a person may take when a friend needs support with approaching potential partners. A wingman is someone who is on the "inside" and is used to help someone with relationships...
.
Approaching and opening
Pickup artists generally assume the mindset that women are passive and will not initiate, requiring men to begin any interaction by approaching them, but many have also cultivated a sensitivity to direct and indirect signals of sexual interest.Members of the seduction community often practice approaching and opening repetitively; some have done thousands of approaches. Strauss describes a pickup artist who did 125 approaches in one day.
Field Reports
Some pickup artists in the community write up "Field Reports" ("FRs") and "Lay Reports" ("LRs") detailing their experiences with women which they share on Internet forums for constructive criticism, or to serve as examples for others.Controversy
The seduction community has received increased media attention, since the publication of Neil StraussNeil Strauss
Neil Darrow Strauss , also known by the pen names Style and Chris Powles, is an American and Kittitian author, journalist and ghostwriter...
' article on the community in The New York Times, and his bestselling memoir The Game. Response to the seduction community has been varied; it has been called misogynistic
Misogyny
Misogyny is the hatred or dislike of women or girls. Philogyny, meaning fondness, love or admiration towards women, is the antonym of misogyny. The term misandry is the term for men that is parallel to misogyny...
, and a review of The Game in the San Francisco Chronicle
San Francisco Chronicle
thumb|right|upright|The Chronicle Building following the [[1906 San Francisco earthquake|1906 earthquake]] and fireThe San Francisco Chronicle is a newspaper serving primarily the San Francisco Bay Area of the U.S. state of California, but distributed throughout Northern and Central California,...
characterized the community as "a puerile cult of sexual conquest," and calls its tactics "sinister" and "pathetic." According to the review, "if women in the book are sometimes treated as a commodity, they come out looking better than the men, who can be downright loathsome — and show themselves eventually to be pretty sad, dysfunctional characters."
Feminists tend to be critical of the seduction community. Beatrix Campbell
Beatrix Campbell
Mary Lorimer Beatrix Campbell, OBE is a British campaigning journalist and author.Since the mid 1970s, she has published numerous articles and book reviews in such publications as Marxism Today, Red Rag, Time Out, Feminist Review, New Statesman, New Socialist, The Guardian, The Independent,...
has stated that The Game "sexually objectifies women," arguing that "Nowhere from its description do you get a sense of men being helped to be human in an easy and agreeable way...it's not about having any rapport or relationship... the only thing that will help them in relationships is empathy
Empathy
Empathy is the capacity to recognize and, to some extent, share feelings that are being experienced by another sapient or semi-sapient being. Someone may need to have a certain amount of empathy before they are able to feel compassion. The English word was coined in 1909 by E.B...
and liking women."
According to an article in Eye Weekly
Eye Weekly
Eye Weekly was a free weekly newspaper published in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It was owned by Torstar, the parent company of the Toronto Star, and was published by their Star Media Group until its final issue on May 5, 2011. The following week, Torstar launched a successor publication, The Grid.-...
, some feminists believe that pickup "isn't just cheesy; it's offensive." The article cites a proposal put forward by a feministblogs.org writer as an alternative to the formula used by expert PUAs: "Shake my hand. [Say] 'Hi, my name is…' Treat me like a human being. Avoid seeing women as conquests and men as competition."
An article in the Houston Press
Houston Press
The Houston Press is an alternative weekly newspaper published in Houston, Texas, United States. It is headquartered in Downtown Houston....
claimed that the seduction community "isn't the lechfest it might sound like." The article quotes the webmaster of fastseduction.com defending the community: "It's no more deceptive
Deception
Deception, beguilement, deceit, bluff, mystification, bad faith, and subterfuge are acts to propagate beliefs that are not true, or not the whole truth . Deception can involve dissimulation, propaganda, and sleight of hand. It can employ distraction, camouflage or concealment...
than push-up bras or heels
Stiletto heel
A stiletto heel is a long, thin, high heel found on some boots and shoes, usually for women. It is named after the stiletto dagger, the phrase being first recorded in the early 1930s...
or going to the gym to work out…This isn't just a game of words and seduction, it's an overall life improvement." Strauss says, "I really think all of these routines and manipulations are just a way for a guy to get his foot in the door so that if a woman connects with him, she can still choose him," and that seduction techniques "can be used for good or evil!" He argues that "women are incredibly intuitive — the creepy guys with bad intentions don't do nearly as well as the guys who love and respect women."
Several writers describe observing men in the seduction community first-hand. Some women recount experiences with men they believed to be pickup artists who tried to "pick them up," and some men recount trying out pickup techniques. A columnist for The Independent
The Independent
The Independent is a British national morning newspaper published in London by Independent Print Limited, owned by Alexander Lebedev since 2010. It is nicknamed the Indy, while the Sunday edition, The Independent on Sunday, is the Sindy. Launched in 1986, it is one of the youngest UK national daily...
describes a negative experience with a man she believed was a pickup artist and used a lot of "negs" on her: "The problem is that some guys clearly don't know when to quit."
An article in San Francisco Magazine recounts the experience the blogger "Dolly," who is the "author of the popular sex blog The Truth about Cocks and Dolls" had with the seduction community. According to the article, Dolly was:
Jaimal Yogis, the author of the article, reports trying out some of the teachings of PickUp 101
PickUp 101
PickUp 101 is a San Francisco-based company that trains men to become more attractive to women. The company sells workshops, coaching services, and multimedia products that are designed to demonstrate and model attractive traits that the company considers women to respond to...
and describes "having an epiphany: I can talk to anyone." For an article for the Times Online, Hugo Rifkind
Hugo Rifkind
Hugo Rifkind is a columnist for The Times and The Spectator and the son of MP and former Conservative and Unionist Cabinet Minister, Sir Malcolm Rifkind.-Early life and education:...
participated in a seminar by Neil Strauss. Rifkind describes initially struggling with seduction techniques, eventually learning to attract women's interest, and then feeling guilty. Rifkind writes, "After a little more practice, my 'game' is improving dramatically. I can open with fluency, and there’s an injection of confidence which comes from knowing exactly what you are going to say next." When he attracts a woman's attention, "she is — quite honestly — looking at me like I’m the most fascinating person she’s ever met. As a human being and, perhaps more crucially, as somebody with a girlfriend, I feel like absolute scum."
After spending three days immersed in a Mystery Method Corp (now Love Systems
Love Systems
Love Systems is a corporation that markets dating seminars teaching men how to meet women and how to have successful relationships with women. The company is based in Los Angeles, CA, USA...
) seminar, Gene Weingarten
Gene Weingarten
Gene Weingarten is a two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist known for both his serious and humorous work...
expressed his uneasiness about "a step by step tutorial for men in how to pick up women, make them comfortable in your presence, and bed them, ideally within seven hours of your first meeting" and wondered aloud, "Is there something inherently wrong with the notion of seduction as a classroom-taught skill, complete with a long hierarchy of 'lines' that work, seemingly spontaneous topics of conversation that are anything but spontaneous, tricks for seeming 'vulnerable', and tips on how to behave so as to deliver subtle but effective nonverbal inducements to intimacy?"
Commercialization
The media attention and rapid growth of the seduction community has led to commercialization and competition. Teachers of seduction tactics sell workshops, books, e-books, DVDs, and CDs over the internet. In The GameThe Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists is a non-fictional book written by investigative reporter Neil Strauss as a chronicle of his journey and encounters in the seduction community.The book was featured on the New York Times Bestseller List for two months after its release in...
, Strauss describes the competition between seduction gurus.