Speed 3
Encyclopedia
"Speed 3" is the third episode of the third series of the Channel 4
sitcom Father Ted
and the 20th episode overall. It is a parody of the films Speed and Speed 2: Cruise Control
. Speed 3 was written after the show's writers Graham Linehan
and Arthur Mathews
asked themselves: "How can we make a worse sequel than Speed 2?" On Channel 4's Father Ted Night this episode was voted the fans' favourite episode.
Mrs Doyle shrieks, interrupting Ted mid-rant and flees from the living room to the kitchen having spotted something out of the window. Ted and Dougal comment on Mrs Doyle's garish appearance, wearing make up and bright periwinkle blue attire. Dougal commenting on whether it is in fact Mrs Doyle. The scene cuts to the outside of the house where the new milkman, Pat Mustard, has just pulled up. Mrs Doyle introduces him to Ted in the kitchen.
Ted discovers that Pat Mustard has been "making hairy babies" with the women of Craggy Island on his rounds, even though he is about 60 years old, due to photos Dougal was looking at (photos show babies with mustaches and sideburns) Ted goes to Mustard the next day and tells him that he saw strange photos with hairy babies and considers Mustard "The hairy-baby-maker". This begins a fierce argument between Ted and Mustard, ending with Mustard leaving the priests' house declaring smugly, 'You'll have to get up VERY early in the mornin' to catch me, Father'.
The next morning Ted and Dougal get up very early to stalk Mustard. Dougal uses earphones to hear what Mustard is saying to the ladies, but faints when he has it too loud and a lorry comes flying by at full speed. Ted waits for Mustard to leave a house; when Mustard walks out, he notices that he left his trousers in the house. Ted takes snapshots of Mustard running to retrieve his pants. The next day, Ted reports the incidents and shows the photos to Mr. Fox, who is in charge of the dairy. At first, Mr. Fox thinks that Ted is trying to sell him pornography
, and offers him £16 for the collection ("How about £2 each for this, this and this and a tenner for the rest?"). When Ted tells him that he just wanted him to see what Mustard's been doing on his rounds. Mr. Fox is exaggeratedly outraged and promises Ted that he will remove Mustard from his job, not noticing Mrs Doyle having absconded with one of the explicit photos. Mustard is sacked, and Dougal takes over his job as Fox believes he can trust 'a man of God,' despite having to explain to Dougal that this means a priest.
Mustard plots revenge against Ted but on Dougal. He calls Ted the next day from a phone booth and, using very dirty language, says that he has fitted his milkfloat with a bomb
, in comic reference to the Speed films, and then laughs evilly. The bomb is set to become activated once the milkfloat reaches 4 mph, and will go off when it goes under 4 mph.
Meanwhile, an unsuspecting Dougal is already on board the milkfloat making his rounds. As Dougal delivers the milk he is greeted by naked housewives who are expecting Pat Mustard, but are shocked to discover Dougal making the deliveries instead. Dougal, however, fails to realise that there is anything strange about the women answering the doorbell naked. Ted later catches up to Dougal, but fails to prevent him from driving fast enough to activate the bomb.
Ted, assisted by Father Beeching and Father Clarke, has to devise a way of rescuing Dougal from an untimely end. and they decide that to best way save Dougal is by saying Mass, a feat achieved by mounting an altar on a trailer attached to the back of a tractor. Unfortunately, this fails to help the hapless Dougal. The group of priests then watch The Poseidon Adventure, on the grounds that Gene Hackman
plays a priest
in it, but that doesn't help either. In the end, the innovative use of the brick that Mrs Doyle had left lying around (which Father Jack had subsequently adopted as a pet) provides Dougal with the means to escape from the milkfloat. The milkfloat returns to its former owner (who is still in the phone booth laughing evilly) with literally explosive consequences; true to his word, the detonation is apparently heard at the North Pole by an Inuit fisherman. At the end of the credits, Father Ted
is taking out the garbage and looks up at the sky. Jack's brick comes down from the sky and knocks Ted down. The brick is half burnt and is followed by Mustard's bumper sticker, on fire, that reads: "Shit Happens".
The final scene is Dougal about to go to sleep that evening, but suddenly exclaims "Those women were in the nip!"
Channel 4
Channel 4 is a British public-service television broadcaster which began working on 2 November 1982. Although largely commercially self-funded, it is ultimately publicly owned; originally a subsidiary of the Independent Broadcasting Authority , the station is now owned and operated by the Channel...
sitcom Father Ted
Father Ted
Father Ted is a comedy series set in Ireland that was produced by Hat Trick Productions for British broadcaster Channel 4. Written jointly by Irish writers Arthur Mathews and Graham Linehan and starring a predominantly Irish cast, it originally aired over three series from 21 April 1995 until 1 May...
and the 20th episode overall. It is a parody of the films Speed and Speed 2: Cruise Control
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Speed 2: Cruise Control is a 1997 action–thriller film, and a sequel to Speed . The film was produced and directed by Jan de Bont, and written by Randall McCormick and Jeff Nathanson, based on a story by de Bont and McCormick. Sandra Bullock stars in the film, reprising her role from Speed,...
. Speed 3 was written after the show's writers Graham Linehan
Graham Linehan
Graham Linehan is an Irish television writer, actor, comedian and director who, often in partnership with Arthur Mathews, has written or co-written a number of popular television comedies...
and Arthur Mathews
Arthur Mathews (writer)
Arthur Mathews is an Irish comedy writer and actor who, often with writing partner Graham Linehan, has either written or contributed to a number of popular television comedies, most notably Father Ted. He is a graduate of the Dublin Institute of Technology...
asked themselves: "How can we make a worse sequel than Speed 2?" On Channel 4's Father Ted Night this episode was voted the fans' favourite episode.
Plot
The episode begins with Ted and Dougal returning to the parish from the Annual Baby of the Year Competition. Ted is extremely unhappy with Dougal, who got overexcited running around with the babies, which subsequently vomited all over Ted. They also express their bewilderment at how many "hairy" babies there were at the competition. During Ted's explanation about the redundancy of shaving babies he trips on a brick that Mrs. Doyle has placed in the centre of the floor, having apparently seen the idea in a magazine on decorating tips.Mrs Doyle shrieks, interrupting Ted mid-rant and flees from the living room to the kitchen having spotted something out of the window. Ted and Dougal comment on Mrs Doyle's garish appearance, wearing make up and bright periwinkle blue attire. Dougal commenting on whether it is in fact Mrs Doyle. The scene cuts to the outside of the house where the new milkman, Pat Mustard, has just pulled up. Mrs Doyle introduces him to Ted in the kitchen.
Ted discovers that Pat Mustard has been "making hairy babies" with the women of Craggy Island on his rounds, even though he is about 60 years old, due to photos Dougal was looking at (photos show babies with mustaches and sideburns) Ted goes to Mustard the next day and tells him that he saw strange photos with hairy babies and considers Mustard "The hairy-baby-maker". This begins a fierce argument between Ted and Mustard, ending with Mustard leaving the priests' house declaring smugly, 'You'll have to get up VERY early in the mornin' to catch me, Father'.
The next morning Ted and Dougal get up very early to stalk Mustard. Dougal uses earphones to hear what Mustard is saying to the ladies, but faints when he has it too loud and a lorry comes flying by at full speed. Ted waits for Mustard to leave a house; when Mustard walks out, he notices that he left his trousers in the house. Ted takes snapshots of Mustard running to retrieve his pants. The next day, Ted reports the incidents and shows the photos to Mr. Fox, who is in charge of the dairy. At first, Mr. Fox thinks that Ted is trying to sell him pornography
Pornography
Pornography or porn is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual arousal and erotic satisfaction.Pornography may use any of a variety of media, ranging from books, magazines, postcards, photos, sculpture, drawing, painting, animation, sound recording, film, video,...
, and offers him £16 for the collection ("How about £2 each for this, this and this and a tenner for the rest?"). When Ted tells him that he just wanted him to see what Mustard's been doing on his rounds. Mr. Fox is exaggeratedly outraged and promises Ted that he will remove Mustard from his job, not noticing Mrs Doyle having absconded with one of the explicit photos. Mustard is sacked, and Dougal takes over his job as Fox believes he can trust 'a man of God,' despite having to explain to Dougal that this means a priest.
Mustard plots revenge against Ted but on Dougal. He calls Ted the next day from a phone booth and, using very dirty language, says that he has fitted his milkfloat with a bomb
Bomb
A bomb is any of a range of explosive weapons that only rely on the exothermic reaction of an explosive material to provide an extremely sudden and violent release of energy...
, in comic reference to the Speed films, and then laughs evilly. The bomb is set to become activated once the milkfloat reaches 4 mph, and will go off when it goes under 4 mph.
Meanwhile, an unsuspecting Dougal is already on board the milkfloat making his rounds. As Dougal delivers the milk he is greeted by naked housewives who are expecting Pat Mustard, but are shocked to discover Dougal making the deliveries instead. Dougal, however, fails to realise that there is anything strange about the women answering the doorbell naked. Ted later catches up to Dougal, but fails to prevent him from driving fast enough to activate the bomb.
Ted, assisted by Father Beeching and Father Clarke, has to devise a way of rescuing Dougal from an untimely end. and they decide that to best way save Dougal is by saying Mass, a feat achieved by mounting an altar on a trailer attached to the back of a tractor. Unfortunately, this fails to help the hapless Dougal. The group of priests then watch The Poseidon Adventure, on the grounds that Gene Hackman
Gene Hackman
Eugene Allen "Gene" Hackman is an American actor and novelist.Nominated for five Academy Awards, winning two, Hackman has also won three Golden Globes and two BAFTAs in a career that spanned five decades. He first came to fame in 1967 with his performance as Buck Barrow in Bonnie and Clyde...
plays a priest
Priest
A priest is a person authorized to perform the sacred rites of a religion, especially as a mediatory agent between humans and deities. They also have the authority or power to administer religious rites; in particular, rites of sacrifice to, and propitiation of, a deity or deities...
in it, but that doesn't help either. In the end, the innovative use of the brick that Mrs Doyle had left lying around (which Father Jack had subsequently adopted as a pet) provides Dougal with the means to escape from the milkfloat. The milkfloat returns to its former owner (who is still in the phone booth laughing evilly) with literally explosive consequences; true to his word, the detonation is apparently heard at the North Pole by an Inuit fisherman. At the end of the credits, Father Ted
Father Ted
Father Ted is a comedy series set in Ireland that was produced by Hat Trick Productions for British broadcaster Channel 4. Written jointly by Irish writers Arthur Mathews and Graham Linehan and starring a predominantly Irish cast, it originally aired over three series from 21 April 1995 until 1 May...
is taking out the garbage and looks up at the sky. Jack's brick comes down from the sky and knocks Ted down. The brick is half burnt and is followed by Mustard's bumper sticker, on fire, that reads: "Shit Happens".
The final scene is Dougal about to go to sleep that evening, but suddenly exclaims "Those women were in the nip!"
Cultural references
- The overall plot is a parody of the films Speed and Speed 2: Cruise ControlSpeed 2: Cruise ControlSpeed 2: Cruise Control is a 1997 action–thriller film, and a sequel to Speed . The film was produced and directed by Jan de Bont, and written by Randall McCormick and Jeff Nathanson, based on a story by de Bont and McCormick. Sandra Bullock stars in the film, reprising her role from Speed,...
. - The priests watch The Poseidon Adventure, on the grounds that Gene HackmanGene HackmanEugene Allen "Gene" Hackman is an American actor and novelist.Nominated for five Academy Awards, winning two, Hackman has also won three Golden Globes and two BAFTAs in a career that spanned five decades. He first came to fame in 1967 with his performance as Buck Barrow in Bonnie and Clyde...
plays a priestPriestA priest is a person authorized to perform the sacred rites of a religion, especially as a mediatory agent between humans and deities. They also have the authority or power to administer religious rites; in particular, rites of sacrifice to, and propitiation of, a deity or deities...
(actually, he plays a Protestant reverend).