I'm not really a cab driver. I'm just waiting for something better to come along. You know, like death.

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don't have to worry about being fired from a good job.

We're arguing because we care too much, and we're breaking up because we don't care enough.

[Louie's worry about a prediction that Alex will perish under strange circumstances irritates Alex.] I'm going to die as I've lived, wearing a green shirt, a catcher's mask, and dancing the can-can|can-can.

[Alex sleeps with mechanic Latka's mother, then explains to fellow driver Elaine the next day]: I just couldn't help it. When we were alone, she turned into an animal - a great one.

[At his daughter's wedding, Alex argues with his ex-wife, who has gained some weight since the last time they saw each other.] Just remember, you haven't lost a daughter -- you've gained a ton.

[Trying to convince Louie not to antagonize Bobby] It's not hard to make people feel bad about their lives. What's hard is making people feel good about their lives.

I know what love is 'cuz' I watch talk shows. Love is the end of happiness!

Whenever I hear the word "marriage," I say, "Check, please!"

[Jim Ignatowski brings a racehorse he purchased to work with him.] Get that ugly, flea-ridden, stinking animal out of my garage, and tell him to take his horse with him!