The Great Sermon Handicap
Encyclopedia
"The Great Sermon Handicap" is a short story
by P. G. Wodehouse
. It was first published in the June 1922 edition of Strand Magazine
, and saw its first book publication in The Inimitable Jeeves
in 1923. Its plot continues into "The Purity of the Turf" but the two may be read as independent stories.
complains to his valet
Jeeves
of the oppressive weather and inactivity in London
in the summer. Jeeves replies with typical unflappability:
Bertie opens the letter and reads it with confusion. It comes from his cousin Eustace, who offers to let Bertie in on an opportunity to make some money. Eustace and his twin brother Claude, Bertie's cousins, are part of a reading party studying the classics
with Rev. Francis Heppenstall and staying at Twing Hall, the seat of Lord Wickhammersley, a good friend of Bertie's late father. Bingo Little
is also present at Twing, though Eustace's letter does not reveal why, nor does it reveal how the twins propose to make the money. Jeeves observes that the letter continues on the back, and Bertie reverses it to discover the header:
followed by a list of vicar
s, along with the towns to which they belong, as well as a series of handicaps in minutes, and odds on each at the bottom.
Neither Bertie nor Jeeves can comprehend the list, but Bertie resolves nevertheless to go to Twing, which they do by the five-ten at Paddington
the following day.
Later, upon greeting Bertie, a sullen Bingo divulges that he has had to take a tutoring job at Twing since his uncle cut off his allowance following "that Goodwood
binge" (the events of which are documented in "Comrade Bingo
"). He had been sad because Charlotte Corday Rowbotham had left him for Comrade Butt; however, he now loves Cynthia, as Bertie guessed, and departs to write poetry for her.
Handicap. Steggles is to make a book
, set handicaps
and odds
, and take bets on the verbosity and consistency of each of the many nearby preachers. On Sunday the 23rd, each is to be clocked, the winner being the one who preaches the longest sermon. The back of the letter, Eustace explains, was a list of handicaps and current odds, as prepared by Steggles.
The twins offer to let Jeeves participate, but he declines; Bertie, meanwhile, upon considering the odds and handicaps, observes that the competition is "a sitter" for Heppenstall, who has been given an eight-minute handicap, though Bertie knows his sermons are famously long. Claude explains that on the day he and Steggles visited the Twing church to assign handicaps, Heppenstall dropped several pages of his sermon, leaving Steggles the impression that he averaged about twenty minutes, where, in reality, thirty to thirty-five is his true form.
Bertie likes the idea, and agrees to consider entering a bet, while Bingo expresses certainty that he will soon be married to Cynthia. The next morning, Bertie instructs Eustace to put a tenner
on Heppenstall, which he does at seven to one, and just in time, as Steggles observes him give a 36-minute sermon that Sunday and shortens the odds to fifteen to eight.
On Tuesday afternoon, Claude and Eustace hurry to apprise Bertie of a "dark horse" competitor: G. Hayward of Lower Bingley, who surprised them with a twenty-six minute address at a village wedding, which is presumably much shorter than he would be accustomed to give on a Sunday. They want to hedge
on him, but instead, Bertie proposes that they ensure Heppenstall's victory by encouraging him to preach his sermon on Brotherly Love
, which runs forty-five to fifty minutes. Claude and Eustace like the idea, and Bertie proposes it to Heppenstall, affecting true interest in the topic and insisting that he not cut any parts out. Heppenstall is thrilled at Bertie's interest and gladly accedes to the request.
Eustace telephones Bertie on Saturday morning with the catastrophic news that Heppenstall is ill with hay-fever and will be scratched from the competition; furthermore, Steggles has heard about G. Hayward's potential, and his odds are considerably shortened. As Rev. Joseph Tucker, a middle-to-long-winded speaker, seems to be their last chance, they make no further bets.
Jeeves arrives presently with a note from Heppenstall which Bertie had left too early that morning to receive. In the note, Heppenstall requests that Bertie attend church at Gandle-by-the-Hill, where he has requested that Bates preach the sermon on Brotherly Love, lest Bertie be disappointed. Also, Bates is under scrutiny for the headmastership of a private school
and must impress the school's trustees with a long and thoughtful sermon.
When Bates's time arrives, it turns out that he has indeed won, as has Jeeves. Bingo angrily accuses Jeeves of having had inside information, which he readily admits, being a friend of Heppenstall's butler, to whom the note was dictated; also, Bingo thinks that preaching another man's sermon ought not to be permitted. Jeeves defends Bates, saying that the headmastership was very important to him and his fiancée, Cynthia Wickhammersley.
The story concludes as Bingo turns a light green and exits embarrassedly to take a walk. Its events continue into "The Purity of the Turf".
Short story
A short story is a work of fiction that is usually written in prose, often in narrative format. This format tends to be more pointed than longer works of fiction, such as novellas and novels. Short story definitions based on length differ somewhat, even among professional writers, in part because...
by P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse
Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse, KBE was an English humorist, whose body of work includes novels, short stories, plays, poems, song lyrics, and numerous pieces of journalism. He enjoyed enormous popular success during a career that lasted more than seventy years and his many writings continue to be...
. It was first published in the June 1922 edition of Strand Magazine
Strand Magazine
The Strand Magazine was a monthly magazine composed of fictional stories and factual articles founded by George Newnes. It was first published in the United Kingdom from January 1891 to March 1950 running to 711 issues, though the first issue was on sale well before Christmas 1890.Its immediate...
, and saw its first book publication in The Inimitable Jeeves
The Inimitable Jeeves
The Inimitable Jeeves is a semi-novel collecting Jeeves stories by P. G. Wodehouse, first published in the United Kingdom by Herbert Jenkins, London, on May 17, 1923, and in the United States by George H...
in 1923. Its plot continues into "The Purity of the Turf" but the two may be read as independent stories.
Departure from London
Bertie WoosterBertie Wooster
Bertram Wilberforce "Bertie" Wooster is a recurring fictional character in the Jeeves novels of British author P. G. Wodehouse. An English gentleman, one of the "idle rich" and a member of the Drones Club, he appears alongside his valet, Jeeves, whose genius manages to extricate Bertie or one of...
complains to his valet
Valet
Valet and varlet are terms for male servants who serve as personal attendants to their employer.- Word origins :In the Middle Ages, the valet de chambre to a ruler was a prestigious appointment for young men...
Jeeves
Jeeves
Reginald Jeeves is a fictional character in the short stories and novels of P. G. Wodehouse, being the valet of Bertie Wooster . Created in 1915, Jeeves would continue to appear in Wodehouse's works until his final, completed, novel Aunts Aren't Gentlemen in 1974, making him Wodehouse's most famous...
of the oppressive weather and inactivity in London
London
London is the capital city of :England and the :United Kingdom, the largest metropolitan area in the United Kingdom, and the largest urban zone in the European Union by most measures. Located on the River Thames, London has been a major settlement for two millennia, its history going back to its...
in the summer. Jeeves replies with typical unflappability:
- "Just as you say, sir. There is a letter on the tray, sir."
- "By Jove, Jeeves, that was practically poetry."
Bertie opens the letter and reads it with confusion. It comes from his cousin Eustace, who offers to let Bertie in on an opportunity to make some money. Eustace and his twin brother Claude, Bertie's cousins, are part of a reading party studying the classics
Classics
Classics is the branch of the Humanities comprising the languages, literature, philosophy, history, art, archaeology and other culture of the ancient Mediterranean world ; especially Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome during Classical Antiquity Classics (sometimes encompassing Classical Studies or...
with Rev. Francis Heppenstall and staying at Twing Hall, the seat of Lord Wickhammersley, a good friend of Bertie's late father. Bingo Little
Bingo Little
Richard P. "Bingo" Little is a recurring fictional character from the Drones and the Jeeves stories of British comic writer P. G. Wodehouse, being a friend of Jeeves's master Bertie Wooster and a member of the Drones Club.-Overview:...
is also present at Twing, though Eustace's letter does not reveal why, nor does it reveal how the twins propose to make the money. Jeeves observes that the letter continues on the back, and Bertie reverses it to discover the header:
- SERMON HANDICAP
- RUNNERS AND BETTING
- PROBABLE STARTERS.
followed by a list of vicar
Vicar
In the broadest sense, a vicar is a representative, deputy or substitute; anyone acting "in the person of" or agent for a superior . In this sense, the title is comparable to lieutenant...
s, along with the towns to which they belong, as well as a series of handicaps in minutes, and odds on each at the bottom.
Neither Bertie nor Jeeves can comprehend the list, but Bertie resolves nevertheless to go to Twing, which they do by the five-ten at Paddington
Paddington station
Paddington railway station, also known as London Paddington, is a central London railway terminus and London Underground complex.The site is a historic one, having served as the London terminus of the Great Western Railway and its successors since 1838. Much of the current mainline station dates...
the following day.
Arrival at Twing Hall
Bertie arrives just in time for dinner and takes his seat next to Lord Wickhammersley's daughter Cynthia, his friend since childhood, and with whom he was once in love. She acquaints him with the various guests at the table, including several clergymen and finally Bingo Little. She suspects that Bingo is slightly soft in the head, having noticed him looking at her strangely on several occasions. When she demonstrates the gaze, Bertie realizes and informs her that Bingo is simply in love with her, much to her astonishment.Later, upon greeting Bertie, a sullen Bingo divulges that he has had to take a tutoring job at Twing since his uncle cut off his allowance following "that Goodwood
Goodwood Racecourse
Goodwood Racecourse is a horse-racing track five miles north of Chichester, West Sussex, in England controlled by the family of the Duke of Richmond, whose seat is nearby Goodwood House...
binge" (the events of which are documented in "Comrade Bingo
Comrade Bingo
"Comrade Bingo" is a comic story by P. G. Wodehouse. It is part of the "Bertie Wooster" series.-Plot:Richard "Bingo" Little falls in love with the daughter of a left-wing, probably, communist or socialist leader called Charlotte Corday Rowbotham...
"). He had been sad because Charlotte Corday Rowbotham had left him for Comrade Butt; however, he now loves Cynthia, as Bertie guessed, and departs to write poetry for her.
The Sermon Handicap
The next morning, Bingo awakens Bertie by reading some of the poem he wrote. Just as Bertie induces him to stop and has his morning tea, his cousins Claude and Eustace burst in to tell him about their plan. Their reading-party of nine people includes one Rupert Steggles, "rather a worm", but who nevertheless devised a scheme to entertain the group throughout their otherwise boring stay in Twing: a Great SermonSermon
A sermon is an oration by a prophet or member of the clergy. Sermons address a Biblical, theological, religious, or moral topic, usually expounding on a type of belief, law or behavior within both past and present contexts...
Handicap. Steggles is to make a book
Bookmaker
A bookmaker, or bookie, is an organization or a person that takes bets on sporting and other events at agreed upon odds.- Range of events :...
, set handicaps
Handicapping
Handicapping, in sport and games, is the practice of assigning advantage through scoring compensation or other advantage given to different contestants to equalize the chances of winning. The word also applies to the various methods by which the advantage is calculated...
and odds
Odds
The odds in favor of an event or a proposition are expressed as the ratio of a pair of integers, which is the ratio of the probability that an event will happen to the probability that it will not happen...
, and take bets on the verbosity and consistency of each of the many nearby preachers. On Sunday the 23rd, each is to be clocked, the winner being the one who preaches the longest sermon. The back of the letter, Eustace explains, was a list of handicaps and current odds, as prepared by Steggles.
The twins offer to let Jeeves participate, but he declines; Bertie, meanwhile, upon considering the odds and handicaps, observes that the competition is "a sitter" for Heppenstall, who has been given an eight-minute handicap, though Bertie knows his sermons are famously long. Claude explains that on the day he and Steggles visited the Twing church to assign handicaps, Heppenstall dropped several pages of his sermon, leaving Steggles the impression that he averaged about twenty minutes, where, in reality, thirty to thirty-five is his true form.
Bertie likes the idea, and agrees to consider entering a bet, while Bingo expresses certainty that he will soon be married to Cynthia. The next morning, Bertie instructs Eustace to put a tenner
Pound sterling
The pound sterling , commonly called the pound, is the official currency of the United Kingdom, its Crown Dependencies and the British Overseas Territories of South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands, British Antarctic Territory and Tristan da Cunha. It is subdivided into 100 pence...
on Heppenstall, which he does at seven to one, and just in time, as Steggles observes him give a 36-minute sermon that Sunday and shortens the odds to fifteen to eight.
On Tuesday afternoon, Claude and Eustace hurry to apprise Bertie of a "dark horse" competitor: G. Hayward of Lower Bingley, who surprised them with a twenty-six minute address at a village wedding, which is presumably much shorter than he would be accustomed to give on a Sunday. They want to hedge
Hedge (finance)
A hedge is an investment position intended to offset potential losses that may be incurred by a companion investment.A hedge can be constructed from many types of financial instruments, including stocks, exchange-traded funds, insurance, forward contracts, swaps, options, many types of...
on him, but instead, Bertie proposes that they ensure Heppenstall's victory by encouraging him to preach his sermon on Brotherly Love
Brotherly love
Brotherly love may refer to:* Philia, a Greek word for love* Brotherly love * The New Commandment of Jesus, - Television :* Brotherly Love , an American television series...
, which runs forty-five to fifty minutes. Claude and Eustace like the idea, and Bertie proposes it to Heppenstall, affecting true interest in the topic and insisting that he not cut any parts out. Heppenstall is thrilled at Bertie's interest and gladly accedes to the request.
Eustace telephones Bertie on Saturday morning with the catastrophic news that Heppenstall is ill with hay-fever and will be scratched from the competition; furthermore, Steggles has heard about G. Hayward's potential, and his odds are considerably shortened. As Rev. Joseph Tucker, a middle-to-long-winded speaker, seems to be their last chance, they make no further bets.
Competition and aftermath
On the morning of the competition, Bertie goes to watch G. Hayward's sermon at Lower Bingley; Hayward preaches for thirty-five minutes and fourteen seconds, and Bertie returns to Twing for lunch. Bingo reports that, with all the times in but Gandle-by-the-Hill, G. Hayward is presumed the winner, and Jeeves will no doubt lose the tenner he bet on Bates, the vicar at Gandle. Bertie, having thought Jeeves was not interested, is surprised to hear he decided to participate after all.Jeeves arrives presently with a note from Heppenstall which Bertie had left too early that morning to receive. In the note, Heppenstall requests that Bertie attend church at Gandle-by-the-Hill, where he has requested that Bates preach the sermon on Brotherly Love, lest Bertie be disappointed. Also, Bates is under scrutiny for the headmastership of a private school
Private school
Private schools, also known as independent schools or nonstate schools, are not administered by local, state or national governments; thus, they retain the right to select their students and are funded in whole or in part by charging their students' tuition, rather than relying on mandatory...
and must impress the school's trustees with a long and thoughtful sermon.
When Bates's time arrives, it turns out that he has indeed won, as has Jeeves. Bingo angrily accuses Jeeves of having had inside information, which he readily admits, being a friend of Heppenstall's butler, to whom the note was dictated; also, Bingo thinks that preaching another man's sermon ought not to be permitted. Jeeves defends Bates, saying that the headmastership was very important to him and his fiancée, Cynthia Wickhammersley.
The story concludes as Bingo turns a light green and exits embarrassedly to take a walk. Its events continue into "The Purity of the Turf".
External links
- Overview of The Inimitable Jeeves and the stories contained in it