The Museum of Everything
Encyclopedia
The Museum of Everything is a BBC Radio 4
comedy sketch show, written and performed by Marcus Brigstocke
, Danny Robins and Dan Tetsell
with Lucy Montgomery
. The show generally occupies the 18:30 comedy slot on BBC Radio 4, with repeats several times a year on BBC Radio 4 Extra. The first series was broadcast in 2003, a second series in 2005 and a third series in mid summer 2006 which makes continued use of favourite characters from past episodes as well as creating new ones. It is set in the fabled "Museum of Everything", an apparently infinite space housing exhibitions on everything from the history of stairs
to the Greek
buttock gallery.
Every time anyone talks to the curator, he lights a match, and sets off into a surreal anecdote about some-one he once met, such as one young woman he met who was, "blind in one eye, and couldn't see out the other." When finally confronted about it, he was forced to admit that he doesn't actually know anyone with a full set of working eyes.
ian tour guides, and their catchphrase of "cheers then, thanks then, cheers then, thanks then...". They pop up throughout each episode reminding customers of museum attractions and rules, etc. Often the rules are twisted to their favour, one example of which is: "Remember: Please do not leave unattended bags anywhere in the museum. They will be stolen. By us."
In the third series there is a temp/trainee tour guide called Debbie, who is a bit clumsy and dim. George falls victim to a "swath of redundancies", which in fact only affects him. His replacement is a Mr Thomas, headhunted from the Ashmolean Museum
in Oxford
, and therefore more eager than his colleague John to educate the general public.
of the announcements often found in museums advertising the most mundane and ridiculous features, as it is taken to such extremes. As well as staff announcements, e.g. “Will Mr FIRE please come to the flammable items gallery”, Jane the Announcer also informs the public about new attractions. “The history of stairs exhibit is located between floors one and two.” By the end of the first series, the monotony of the job is starting to show in the announcements: “Mum, can we go now? I’m bored.”
) and nougat in the shape of human organs. In the recent renovations of the Museum of Everything, the gift shop was the major (if not only) recipient of funds. In the final episode of the first series, "concession stands" are regarded with such contempt that a warped version of the gift shop noise is played.
On the one occasion that the gift shop features in a sketch, two visitors stumble upon it by accident when looking for another gallery, and are mysteriously unable to escape through any of the doors – they all lead straight back to the gift shop.
It is also mentioned on a separate occasion that the Museum's emergency exits pass through the Gift Shop, and one can only leave the gift shop by buying something.
" by the Pointer Sisters
and disclaimer notes at the end.
gentlemen who seem to revel in snob
bery, drinking game
s, sexism
, xenophobia
and spoonerism
. When asked if they went to Oxford: “Guilty!” “Which college?” “Brookes!” Their favourite game (which takes many improbable names throughout the series) involves placement of their penis into another's drink, and they enjoy puerile rhymes and songs. Whilst being continuously jovial, they are self admittedly very lonely and detest each other's company. They have a tendency to turn up everywhere, irritating all kinds of people, from lottery fund personnel to tourists in Italy
. Their finest hour was when they met two German people of much the same nature when attending a celebration of a twinning of two towns.
, or something close. They have a casual attitude to animal cruelty. Randy (or Wandy) has an incredible speech impediment, and Travis is a Geordie
who has a habit of saying "Nightmare" every so often.
. Previous highlights have included: the bloke who does the CGI on films; a film director
so bad that he specialises in straight to video
releases; and one occasion when the presenter, Tom Commode, interviews "the most important figure working in fillum today" – himself.
The advert for Badgerland invariably involves an obscene, murmured pun, employing the word "Badger", at some point within the sketch.
However, at the beginning of the second series, it was announced that Badgerland has been closed. The reasons for this are to do with various infractions of the health and safety code, particularly the numerous cases of mutated bovine tuberculosis
that visitors contracted. One of the challenges presented by the closure of the park is finding employment for Mr Hudson, who appears to have no other talent besides playing Badgey the Badger, and is actually in character permanently.
Several other British hedgerow-mammal-themed amusement parks are also referred to, including Ferret Park, Vole Valley, Shrew Express and Stoat World. Stoat World's attractions include the Stoat Moat and Ferret Wheel, as well as the Res-stoat-rant.
hobby magazine
s allowing you to build various items week by week. These items include a life size model of the Cutty Sark
, and another of France
(with a bonus magazine allowing you to build the French, if, as the show puts it, you want to spoil it). For the truly committed, there is the partwork magazine "Partwork", in which you can assemble your own collection of partwork magazines ("issue 4 comes with a gun in case it all gets too much") The introductory price of these magazines is usually 99 pence, but the regular price is anywhere between £100 and all your material possessions. Similarly to the Badgerland sketches, the advertising jingle
s for the partworks are based on that used for the DeAgostini
title "I Love Horses".
, opened to the public to raise funds needed due to some misguided banking, is large and impressive. Guided tours are operated by the lady of the house, who makes use of every opportunity to be unpleasant to her wheelchair-using husband Geoffrey, whom she blames for their present financial situation. There is also an undertone that she is trying to kill her husband to collect his insurance. Staff at the home include "Mr Gardener", an ex-sniper
from the former Yugoslavia
who still finds time to practise his skill and a Sarajevan cook, as yet unpaid after two years of employment.
values, relaxed attitude, and abysmal safety record. Each Wednesday the visitors are encouraged to mix with the animals, especially the tiger
s who need feeding. Every new keeper on his or her first day is required to feed the tigers as an initiation rite - they go in wearing a meat hat. Almost every keeper is a replacement for a replacement. The "head keeper" in fact runs the canteen, and is called the head keeper as, despite, on his first day, a tiger biting almost all the way through his neck, he still managed to keep his head.
(though for convenience of pronunciation she just calls herself “the Herbalist”) and has an unfortunate speech impediment
. She specialises in old-fashioned foods and natural remedies for ailments, none of which seem to work, despite supposedly having “curative properties” by virtue of being olden. The character is introduced in The Coach Trip (series two), as one of the attractions at the Chaversham Mediaeval Fayre. She subsequently appears often in series three, despite nearly dying at least once from mushroom poisoning
.
BBC Radio 4
BBC Radio 4 is a British domestic radio station, operated and owned by the BBC, that broadcasts a wide variety of spoken-word programmes, including news, drama, comedy, science and history. It replaced the BBC Home Service in 1967. The station controller is currently Gwyneth Williams, and the...
comedy sketch show, written and performed by Marcus Brigstocke
Marcus Brigstocke
Marcus Alexander Brigstocke is an English comedian, actor and satirist who has worked extensively in stand-up comedy, television, radio and in 2010-2011 musical theatre. He is particularly associated with the 6.30pm comedy slot on BBC Radio 4, having frequently appeared on several of its shows...
, Danny Robins and Dan Tetsell
Dan Tetsell
Dan Tetsell is a comedian and writer for radio, television and stage. He has worked on a number of projects, including The Museum of Everything, That Was Then, This Is Now and Parsons and Naylor's Pull-Out Sections....
with Lucy Montgomery
Lucy Montgomery (actor)
Lucy Montgomery is an English comedian, actress and writer, best known for her radio and television work.Montgomery is married to fellow comedian Rhys Thomas; they have two daughters – Polly and Rosie Rae – and live in London.-Career:While at Cambridge University, Montgomery was a member of...
. The show generally occupies the 18:30 comedy slot on BBC Radio 4, with repeats several times a year on BBC Radio 4 Extra. The first series was broadcast in 2003, a second series in 2005 and a third series in mid summer 2006 which makes continued use of favourite characters from past episodes as well as creating new ones. It is set in the fabled "Museum of Everything", an apparently infinite space housing exhibitions on everything from the history of stairs
Stairs
-People:* Scott Kannberg , guitarist of Pavement* A. Edison Stairs , New Brunswick politician* Denis Stairs , engineer, Montreal businessman* Ernest W. Stairs , New Brunswick politician...
to the Greek
Greek art
Greek art began in the Cycladic and Minoan prehistorical civilization, and gave birth to Western classical art in the ancient period...
buttock gallery.
First Series
- 18 March 2004 - Welcome to the Museum of Everything
- 25 March 2004 - A Very Important Visitor
- 1 April 2004 - School Parties Welcome
- 8 April 2004 - To Infinity and Beyond
- 15 April 2004 - Ancient Worlds: The History of Everything
- 22 April 2004 - The History of the Future
Second Series
- 24 March 2005 - The Museum Re-opens
- 31 March 2005 - The Dig
- 7 April 2005 - Under New Management
- 14 April 2005 - The Coach Trip
- 21 April 2005 - By Royal Appointment
- 28 April 2005 - Behind the Magic
Third Series
- 27 July 2006 - The William Shakespearance
- 3 August 2006 - The Human Body Experience
- 10 August 2006 - The Museum's Most Precious Object
- 17 August 2006 - The Museum of the Year Awards
- 24 August 2006 - The Expo
- 31 August 2006 - How Things Work
Other Appearances
- A short one minute sketch for the BBC Radio 4 28 Acts in 28 Minutes28 Acts in 28 Minutes28 Acts in 28 Minutes is a stand-up TV comedy show aired on the UK's BBC Three. It comprises 28 acts, each given a minute to perform. A 3-part series also aired on BBC Radio 4 in June 2006, chaired by John Humphrys.- Show One :- Show Two :...
broadcast on 5 July 2006.
The Curator
Mentioned only a few times in the early episodes, the Curator was eventually replaced by the gravelly voiced Singer-songwriter Tom Waits, after the other four applicants were turned down. He then proceeded to remove the filling system and replaced it with an upright piano, and hired a lot of his more unusual friends into lesser jobs within the Museum.Every time anyone talks to the curator, he lights a match, and sets off into a surreal anecdote about some-one he once met, such as one young woman he met who was, "blind in one eye, and couldn't see out the other." When finally confronted about it, he was forced to admit that he doesn't actually know anyone with a full set of working eyes.
The Guides
The show always opens with John and George, two BristolBristol
Bristol is a city, unitary authority area and ceremonial county in South West England, with an estimated population of 433,100 for the unitary authority in 2009, and a surrounding Larger Urban Zone with an estimated 1,070,000 residents in 2007...
ian tour guides, and their catchphrase of "cheers then, thanks then, cheers then, thanks then...". They pop up throughout each episode reminding customers of museum attractions and rules, etc. Often the rules are twisted to their favour, one example of which is: "Remember: Please do not leave unattended bags anywhere in the museum. They will be stolen. By us."
In the third series there is a temp/trainee tour guide called Debbie, who is a bit clumsy and dim. George falls victim to a "swath of redundancies", which in fact only affects him. His replacement is a Mr Thomas, headhunted from the Ashmolean Museum
Ashmolean Museum
The Ashmolean Museum on Beaumont Street, Oxford, England, is the world's first university museum...
in Oxford
Oxford
The city of Oxford is the county town of Oxfordshire, England. The city, made prominent by its medieval university, has a population of just under 165,000, with 153,900 living within the district boundary. It lies about 50 miles north-west of London. The rivers Cherwell and Thames run through...
, and therefore more eager than his colleague John to educate the general public.
The Announcer
This is intended as a parodyParody
A parody , in current usage, is an imitative work created to mock, comment on, or trivialise an original work, its subject, author, style, or some other target, by means of humorous, satiric or ironic imitation...
of the announcements often found in museums advertising the most mundane and ridiculous features, as it is taken to such extremes. As well as staff announcements, e.g. “Will Mr FIRE please come to the flammable items gallery”, Jane the Announcer also informs the public about new attractions. “The history of stairs exhibit is located between floors one and two.” By the end of the first series, the monotony of the job is starting to show in the announcements: “Mum, can we go now? I’m bored.”
The Gift Shop
The gift shop is regarded by the staff with such reverence that a choral effect always plays whenever it is mentioned. It stocks novelties, pencils, many kinds of fudge in the shape of historical figures (more often than not, Jane AustenJane Austen
Jane Austen was an English novelist whose works of romantic fiction, set among the landed gentry, earned her a place as one of the most widely read writers in English literature, her realism and biting social commentary cementing her historical importance among scholars and critics.Austen lived...
) and nougat in the shape of human organs. In the recent renovations of the Museum of Everything, the gift shop was the major (if not only) recipient of funds. In the final episode of the first series, "concession stands" are regarded with such contempt that a warped version of the gift shop noise is played.
On the one occasion that the gift shop features in a sketch, two visitors stumble upon it by accident when looking for another gallery, and are mysteriously unable to escape through any of the doors – they all lead straight back to the gift shop.
It is also mentioned on a separate occasion that the Museum's emergency exits pass through the Gift Shop, and one can only leave the gift shop by buying something.
The Rollercoasters
During the third series, a short advertisement for a new rollercoaster features a performance spin-off of "I'm So ExcitedI'm So Excited
"I'm So Excited" is a song by American recording artists The Pointer Sisters. The track, written by The Pointer Sisters and Trevor Lawrence, was originally released in 1982 and saw a re-release in 1984. It is considered to be one of the group's signature songs.-Background:The song appeared...
" by the Pointer Sisters
Pointer Sisters
The Pointer Sisters are an American pop/R&B recording act from Oakland, California that achieved mainstream success during the 1970s and 1980s. Spanning over three decades, their repertoire has included such diverse genres as pop, disco, jazz, bebop, blues, soul, funk, dance, country and rock.The...
and disclaimer notes at the end.
- The Widowmaker
- Certain Death
- Negligence
- Captain Bubbles’ Butterfly Teacups... Of Death
- Designed By A Blue Peter Competition Winner
- London Underground
The Idiots
These are two Upper-ClassAristocracy
Aristocracy , is a form of government in which a few elite citizens rule. The term derives from the Greek aristokratia, meaning "rule of the best". In origin in Ancient Greece, it was conceived of as rule by the best qualified citizens, and contrasted with monarchy...
gentlemen who seem to revel in snob
Snob
A snob is someone who believes that some people are inherently inferior to him or her for any one of a variety of reasons, including real or supposed intellect, wealth, education, ancestry, taste, beauty, nationality, et cetera. Often, the form of snobbery reflects the snob's personal attributes...
bery, drinking game
Drinking game
Drinking games are games which involve the consumption of alcoholic beverages. These games vary widely in scope and complexity, although the purpose of most is to become intoxicated as quickly as possible...
s, sexism
Sexism
Sexism, also known as gender discrimination or sex discrimination, is the application of the belief or attitude that there are characteristics implicit to one's gender that indirectly affect one's abilities in unrelated areas...
, xenophobia
Xenophobia
Xenophobia is defined as "an unreasonable fear of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange". It comes from the Greek words ξένος , meaning "stranger," "foreigner" and φόβος , meaning "fear."...
and spoonerism
Spoonerism
A spoonerism is an error in speech or deliberate play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched . It is named after the Reverend William Archibald Spooner , Warden of New College, Oxford, who was notoriously prone to this tendency...
. When asked if they went to Oxford: “Guilty!” “Which college?” “Brookes!” Their favourite game (which takes many improbable names throughout the series) involves placement of their penis into another's drink, and they enjoy puerile rhymes and songs. Whilst being continuously jovial, they are self admittedly very lonely and detest each other's company. They have a tendency to turn up everywhere, irritating all kinds of people, from lottery fund personnel to tourists in Italy
Italy
Italy , officially the Italian Republic languages]] under the European Charter for Regional or Minority Languages. In each of these, Italy's official name is as follows:;;;;;;;;), is a unitary parliamentary republic in South-Central Europe. To the north it borders France, Switzerland, Austria and...
. Their finest hour was when they met two German people of much the same nature when attending a celebration of a twinning of two towns.
Randy and Travis
These two appear to be FalconersFalconry
Falconry is "the taking of wild quarry in its natural state and habitat by means of a trained raptor". There are two traditional terms used to describe a person involved in falconry: a falconer flies a falcon; an austringer flies a hawk or an eagle...
, or something close. They have a casual attitude to animal cruelty. Randy (or Wandy) has an incredible speech impediment, and Travis is a Geordie
Geordie
Geordie is a regional nickname for a person from the Tyneside region of the north east of England, or the name of the English-language dialect spoken by its inhabitants...
who has a habit of saying "Nightmare" every so often.
The Fillum Institute
The Museum of Everything Fillum Institute. On occasion the institute will give a public interview of someone who works in the film industryFilm
A film, also called a movie or motion picture, is a series of still or moving images. It is produced by recording photographic images with cameras, or by creating images using animation techniques or visual effects...
. Previous highlights have included: the bloke who does the CGI on films; a film director
Film director
A film director is a person who directs the actors and film crew in filmmaking. They control a film's artistic and dramatic nathan roach, while guiding the technical crew and actors.-Responsibilities:...
so bad that he specialises in straight to video
Video
Video is the technology of electronically capturing, recording, processing, storing, transmitting, and reconstructing a sequence of still images representing scenes in motion.- History :...
releases; and one occasion when the presenter, Tom Commode, interviews "the most important figure working in fillum today" – himself.
Badgerland
Badgerland is intended as a parody of major theme parks such as Disney World. This is evident when the series refers to another park, Euro Badger (in France). The original park is located “just off the M3 between Patrick Moore and Ted Heath”.The advert for Badgerland invariably involves an obscene, murmured pun, employing the word "Badger", at some point within the sketch.
However, at the beginning of the second series, it was announced that Badgerland has been closed. The reasons for this are to do with various infractions of the health and safety code, particularly the numerous cases of mutated bovine tuberculosis
Tuberculosis
Tuberculosis, MTB, or TB is a common, and in many cases lethal, infectious disease caused by various strains of mycobacteria, usually Mycobacterium tuberculosis. Tuberculosis usually attacks the lungs but can also affect other parts of the body...
that visitors contracted. One of the challenges presented by the closure of the park is finding employment for Mr Hudson, who appears to have no other talent besides playing Badgey the Badger, and is actually in character permanently.
Several other British hedgerow-mammal-themed amusement parks are also referred to, including Ferret Park, Vole Valley, Shrew Express and Stoat World. Stoat World's attractions include the Stoat Moat and Ferret Wheel, as well as the Res-stoat-rant.
Partwork magazine
In its second series, The Museum of Everything dropped its regular Badgerland slot, filling it instead with adverts for a variety of partworkPartwork
A partwork is a written publication released as a series of planned magazine-like issues over a period of time. Issues are typically released on a weekly, fortnightly or monthly basis, and often a completed set is designed to form a reference work on a particular topic.-Publication:Partwork series...
hobby magazine
Magazine
Magazines, periodicals, glossies or serials are publications, generally published on a regular schedule, containing a variety of articles. They are generally financed by advertising, by a purchase price, by pre-paid magazine subscriptions, or all three...
s allowing you to build various items week by week. These items include a life size model of the Cutty Sark
Cutty Sark
The Cutty Sark is a clipper ship. Built in 1869, she served as a merchant vessel , and then as a training ship until being put on public display in 1954...
, and another of France
France
The French Republic , The French Republic , The French Republic , (commonly known as France , is a unitary semi-presidential republic in Western Europe with several overseas territories and islands located on other continents and in the Indian, Pacific, and Atlantic oceans. Metropolitan France...
(with a bonus magazine allowing you to build the French, if, as the show puts it, you want to spoil it). For the truly committed, there is the partwork magazine "Partwork", in which you can assemble your own collection of partwork magazines ("issue 4 comes with a gun in case it all gets too much") The introductory price of these magazines is usually 99 pence, but the regular price is anywhere between £100 and all your material possessions. Similarly to the Badgerland sketches, the advertising jingle
Jingle
A jingle is a short tune used in advertising and for other commercial uses. The jingle contains one or more hooks and lyrics that explicitly promote the product being advertised, usually through the use of one or more advertising slogans. Ad buyers use jingles in radio and television...
s for the partworks are based on that used for the DeAgostini
Planeta DeAgostini
Planeta DeAgostini is a Spanish-Italian publisher and a subsidiary of Grupo Planeta specializing in collectable books, sold in pieces, periodically through newsstands. It has its headquarters in Barcelona....
title "I Love Horses".
Bagshot Grange
This stately homeStately home
A stately home is a "great country house". It is thus a palatial great house or in some cases an updated castle, located in the British Isles, mostly built between the mid-16th century and the early part of the 20th century, as well as converted abbeys and other church property...
, opened to the public to raise funds needed due to some misguided banking, is large and impressive. Guided tours are operated by the lady of the house, who makes use of every opportunity to be unpleasant to her wheelchair-using husband Geoffrey, whom she blames for their present financial situation. There is also an undertone that she is trying to kill her husband to collect his insurance. Staff at the home include "Mr Gardener", an ex-sniper
Sniper
A sniper is a marksman who shoots targets from concealed positions or distances exceeding the capabilities of regular personnel. Snipers typically have specialized training and distinct high-precision rifles....
from the former Yugoslavia
Yugoslavia
Yugoslavia refers to three political entities that existed successively on the western part of the Balkans during most of the 20th century....
who still finds time to practise his skill and a Sarajevan cook, as yet unpaid after two years of employment.
Brawley Safari Park
This safari park is known for its liberalLiberalism
Liberalism is the belief in the importance of liberty and equal rights. Liberals espouse a wide array of views depending on their understanding of these principles, but generally, liberals support ideas such as constitutionalism, liberal democracy, free and fair elections, human rights,...
values, relaxed attitude, and abysmal safety record. Each Wednesday the visitors are encouraged to mix with the animals, especially the tiger
Tiger
The tiger is the largest cat species, reaching a total body length of up to and weighing up to . Their most recognizable feature is a pattern of dark vertical stripes on reddish-orange fur with lighter underparts...
s who need feeding. Every new keeper on his or her first day is required to feed the tigers as an initiation rite - they go in wearing a meat hat. Almost every keeper is a replacement for a replacement. The "head keeper" in fact runs the canteen, and is called the head keeper as, despite, on his first day, a tiger biting almost all the way through his neck, he still managed to keep his head.
The Giant
This man runs a tourist attraction, claiming it to be his "normal sized village". Since this giant is in fact just under six foot, it is in fact a miniature village. He has a habit of saying most things to rhyme with "fe fi fo fum", and going "boom boom boom boom" as he walks. While he may consider himself not to be part of the human race, the Giant shows a degree of compassion, in that he makes sure he does not crush visitors to his village - and so far he hasn't killed anyone in such a way.The Re-enactors
A trio of enthusiasts who have difficulty keeping contemporary concerns out of their recreations of the past.Mistress Bess the Herbalist
Mistress Bess is an apothecaryApothecary
Apothecary is a historical name for a medical professional who formulates and dispenses materia medica to physicians, surgeons and patients — a role now served by a pharmacist and some caregivers....
(though for convenience of pronunciation she just calls herself “the Herbalist”) and has an unfortunate speech impediment
Speech disorder
Speech disorders or speech impediments are a type of communication disorders where 'normal' speech is disrupted. This can mean stuttering, lisps, etc. Someone who is unable to speak due to a speech disorder is considered mute.-Classification:...
. She specialises in old-fashioned foods and natural remedies for ailments, none of which seem to work, despite supposedly having “curative properties” by virtue of being olden. The character is introduced in The Coach Trip (series two), as one of the attractions at the Chaversham Mediaeval Fayre. She subsequently appears often in series three, despite nearly dying at least once from mushroom poisoning
Mushroom poisoning
Mushroom poisoning refers to harmful effects from ingestion of toxic substances present in a mushroom. These symptoms can vary from slight gastrointestinal discomfort to death. The toxins present are secondary metabolites produced in specific biochemical pathways in the fungal cells...
.