Wizard People, Dear Reader
Encyclopedia
Soundtrack
A soundtrack can be recorded music accompanying and synchronized to the images of a motion picture, book, television program or video game; a commercially released soundtrack album of music as featured in the soundtrack of a film or TV show; or the physical area of a film that contains the...
to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, written by Brad Neely
Brad Neely
Brad Neely is a American comic book artist and television writer/producer known for his work on books such as Wizard People, Dear Reader, I Am Baby Cakes, The Professor Brothers, and China, Illinois, and TV series such as South Park and China, IL.-Personal life:Brad Neely is originally from Fort...
, a comic book
Book
A book is a set or collection of written, printed, illustrated, or blank sheets, made of hot lava, paper, parchment, or other materials, usually fastened together to hinge at one side. A single sheet within a book is called a leaf or leaflet, and each side of a leaf is called a page...
artist
Artist
An artist is a person engaged in one or more of any of a broad spectrum of activities related to creating art, practicing the arts and/or demonstrating an art. The common usage in both everyday speech and academic discourse is a practitioner in the visual arts only...
from Fort Smith, Arkansas
Fort Smith, Arkansas
Fort Smith is the second-largest city in Arkansas and one of the two county seats of Sebastian County. With a population of 86,209 in 2010, it is the principal city of the Fort Smith, Arkansas-Oklahoma Metropolitan Statistical Area, a region of 298,592 residents which encompasses the Arkansas...
.
Wizard People, Dear Reader is a narrative retelling of the lives of the characters of The Sorcerer's Stone and the world in which they live. Presented in the form of a thirty-five chapter audio book
Audio book
An audiobook or audio book is a recording of a text being read. It is not necessarily an exact audio version of a book or magazine.Spoken audio has been available in schools and public libraries and to a lesser extent in music shops since the 1930s. Many spoken word albums were made prior to the...
, this soundtrack is intended to replace the film's audio track.
Origins
Brad Neely, in an interview with Chief magazine, described the beginning of the idea as follows:Anyway, we were at a bar and were getting a good laugh at a guy who was playing pool all by himself while wearing a hoody over his hat, sunglasses under that and headphones on the outside of all of it. So we started riffing on "What could he possibly be listening to?" Someone who I don't think was me said that he was listening to a book on tape of Harry Potter. And out came the Wizard People narrator. I joked that night that I was going to rush home and record an entire misinformed book on tape of The Sorcerer's Stone, because I had not and have not ever read any Harry Potter books. Once I started making notes for it I realized that an audio track alone could get boring, so I decided to sync it with the movie. Then I took a week or two and made the damn thing. I love it.
Presentations
In 2004, the New York Underground Film FestivalNew York Underground Film Festival
Founded in 1994 by filmmakers Todd Phillips and Andrew Gurland, the New York Underground Film Festival was an annual event that occurred each March at Anthology Film Archives in New York City from 1994 through 2008...
rented a print of the film from Warner Brothers, screened it with the sound off, and played Neely's soundtrack instead. Shortly thereafter, website Illegal Art made Neely's work available for free download. In the following year, Neely also performed Wizard People live in several cities, until Warner Brothers took action against theatres that had rented prints, and forced them to cancel the shows. Rather than taking legal action, however, Warner Bros. reportedly told theaters which had scheduled a performance of the show that further movies produced by the studio would be withheld unless the dates were cancelled. Carrie McLaren, whose web site, Illegal-art.org, promoted the work, claimed that Mr. Neely's use of appropriated plot, characters and themes interlaced with humor constituted a separate work of art in its own right.
Humor and Writing Style
In "Wizard People, Dear Reader," Neely's writing ranges from simple childish mockery of the characters, to criticism of the acting and set design of the movie, to awkward metaphors in the prose of the book, to over-dramatic philosophical speeches. HarryHarry Potter (character)
Harry James Potter is the title character and main protagonist of J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. The majority of the books' plot covers seven years in the life of the orphan Potter who, on his eleventh birthday, learns he is a wizard...
himself is repeatedly referred to as a god, references are made to the "stockpiles of nuclear-level energy" that are his powers, and so on. At one point, Harry calls himself a "beautiful animal" and a "destroyer of worlds". He also repeatedly affirms that he is "Harry fucking Potter". Numerous references are made to characters taking out unseen flasks or drinking alcohol, and Harry is mentioned as being "drunk every day before noon" and producing "many a Wine-Out-of-Nowhere Spell."
Hermione
Hermione Granger
Hermione Jean Granger is a fictional character and one of the three protagonists in J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. She initially appears in the first novel, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, as a new student on her way to Hogwarts...
("Harmony") is repeatedly described as incredibly ugly, Snape
Severus Snape
Severus Snape is a fictional character in the Harry Potter book series written by J.K. Rowling. In the first novel of the series, he is hostile toward Harry and is built up to be the primary antagonist until the final chapters. As the series progresses, Snape's character becomes more layered and...
("Snake") is referred to as a hideous woman, and at one point, Neely simply remarks that "Ron
Ron Weasley
Ronald Bilius "Ron" Weasley is a fictional character and one of the three protagonists in the Harry Potter book series written by J. K. Rowling. His first appearance was in the first book of the series, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as the best friend of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger...
loves Twizzlers
Twizzlers
Twizzlers is a brand of red licorice candy in the United States and Canada. Twizzlers is the product of Y&S Candies, Inc., of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, now a subsidiary of The Hershey Company.-History:...
." (Ron is almost always referred to as "Ronnie the Bear.") A range of other insults see less consistent use, and Harry is also described with various symptoms of dissociative identity disorder
Dissociative identity disorder
Dissociative identity disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis and describes a condition in which a person displays multiple distinct identities , each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment....
, at one point "leaving his multiple personalities in the locker room." The use of spells receives similar twists, with Dumbledore
Albus Dumbledore
Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore is a major character in J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. For most of the series, he is the headmaster of the wizarding school Hogwarts...
("Near-Dead Dumbledore") casting the "stand without effort" spell due to his advanced age, while Harry casts the "rarely used winter-begone spell" at a scene transition between winter and spring.
The work makes extensive use of simile: Professor McGonagall ("Hardcastle McCormick
Hardcastle and McCormick
Hardcastle and McCormick is a 1980s action/drama television series from Stephen J. Cannell Productions, shown on ABC from 1983–1986, starring Brian Keith as Judge Milton C. Hardcastle and Daniel Hugh Kelly as ex-con and race car driver Mark "Skid" McCormick.The show's premise involves the...
") is described as having a voice that is "chilling, like a piano made of frozen Windex
Windex
Windex is a trademark for a glass and hard-surface cleaner manufactured since 1933. S. C. Johnson acquired Windex in 1993 and has been manufacturing it since that time. The product was recently reformulated with more environmentally desirable solvents....
," while her "eyes float like smears of fish-scales on her candle-wax stump of a head"; the face of Voldemort ("Val-Mart
Wal-Mart
Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. , branded as Walmart since 2008 and Wal-Mart before then, is an American public multinational corporation that runs chains of large discount department stores and warehouse stores. The company is the world's 18th largest public corporation, according to the Forbes Global 2000...
") "moves like a marmalade
Marmalade
Marmalade is a fruit preserve made from the juice and peel of citrus fruits, boiled with sugar and water. The benchmark citrus fruit for marmalade production in Britain is the "Seville orange" from Spain, Citrus aurantium var...
baby just out of the womb."
Neely segues into multiple fantasy sequences that have nothing to do with what is actually going on in the film. One such scene is where Hagrid
Rubeus Hagrid
Rubeus Hagrid is a fictional character in the Harry Potter book series written by J. K. Rowling. Hagrid is introduced in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as a half-giant who is the gamekeeper and Keeper of Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts, the primary setting for the first six novels...
("Hagar the Horrible
Hägar the Horrible
Hägar the Horrible is the title and main character of an American comic strip created by cartoonist Dik Browne , and syndicated by King Features Syndicate. It first appeared in February 1973, and was an immediate success. Since Browne's retirement in 1988 , his son Chris Browne has continued the...
") is explaining Norbert's egg. Instead of regaling Hagrid's encounter with a strange man in a bar, Hagar tells of how Val-Mart impregnated him with the egg, resulting in his survival of a shark attack. Another such scene is where the trio of young wizards encounter Fluffy for the second time and are about to jump down the trap door. Hermione is allegedly decapitated and resurrected without those events occurring onscreen. One of the most elaborate divergences is the sequence where Neville ("the boy known as Upfish") loses control of his broom. Neely apparently narrates Harry's present daydream climbing his parents' giant rotten wedding cake thanks to Dumbledore's body ("using his old ribcage, mouth sockets and such for footholds"). As Harry goes to retrieve a winged key at the finale, Neely narrates that Harry goes into a waking dream-like trance. The entire scene is dominated by a rambling vision of Harry's in which he conquers the American continent with a telescope, teaching the natives spells, "and they in turn teach him how to fly across the continent at ridiculous speeds. He learns to slay deer with laser beams from his eyes, and how to make all things around the house out of buffalo parts."
There are also many references to other works throughout the soundtrack: Professor Flitwick is referred to as "Professor Ugnaught" in reference to his similar appearance to the Ugnaughts of Bespin
Bespin
Bespin is a fictional planet, a gas giant in Star Wars films and books. The planet was first seen in the 1980 feature film Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back...
in The Empire Strikes Back, while Val-Mart is made Harry's true father à la Darth Vader
Darth Vader
Darth Vader is a central character in the Star Wars saga, appearing as one of the main antagonists in the original trilogy and as the main protagonist in the prequel trilogy....
. At one point Harry puts on the invisibility cloak and Neely exclaims "Invisibility ON!", as per The Human Torch
Human Torch
The Human Torch is a fictional character and superhero appearing in comic books published by Marvel Comics. Created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby, he is a member of the superhero team the Fantastic Four, debuting in The Fantastic Four #1...
of the Fantastic 4. In an early appearance, Hagrid introduces himself as "gatekeeper and keymaster," a reference to Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters is a 1984 American science fiction comedy film directed by Ivan Reitman and written by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis. The film stars Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis, and Rick Moranis and follows three eccentric parapsychologists in New York City, who start a...
. Neely even refers to future Potter films when he claims that the children are on their way to the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is the second novel in the Harry Potter series written by J. K. Rowling. The plot follows Harry's second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, during which a series of messages on the walls on the school's corridors warn that the "Chamber of...
.
Naming
A recurring theme in Wizard People is the changing of characters' and locations' names.| Original | "Wizard People" Name |
|---|---|
| Albus Dumbledore Albus Dumbledore Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore is a major character in J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. For most of the series, he is the headmaster of the wizarding school Hogwarts... |
Dumbledore the Half-dead / Near-Dead Dumbledore |
| Minerva McGonagall | Hardcastle McCormick Hardcastle and McCormick Hardcastle and McCormick is a 1980s action/drama television series from Stephen J. Cannell Productions, shown on ABC from 1983–1986, starring Brian Keith as Judge Milton C. Hardcastle and Daniel Hugh Kelly as ex-con and race car driver Mark "Skid" McCormick.The show's premise involves the... / Softcastle McCormick |
| Rubeus Hagrid Rubeus Hagrid Rubeus Hagrid is a fictional character in the Harry Potter book series written by J. K. Rowling. Hagrid is introduced in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as a half-giant who is the gamekeeper and Keeper of Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts, the primary setting for the first six novels... |
Hagar the Horrible Hägar the Horrible Hägar the Horrible is the title and main character of an American comic strip created by cartoonist Dik Browne , and syndicated by King Features Syndicate. It first appeared in February 1973, and was an immediate success. Since Browne's retirement in 1988 , his son Chris Browne has continued the... |
| Harry Potter Harry Potter (character) Harry James Potter is the title character and main protagonist of J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. The majority of the books' plot covers seven years in the life of the orphan Potter who, on his eleventh birthday, learns he is a wizard... |
H.P., Master P Master P Percy Robert Miller , better known by his stage name Master P or his business name P. Miller, is an American rapper, actor, entrepreneur, investor, and producer. He is the founder of the popular label No Limit Records, which went bankrupt and was relaunched as New No Limit Records through Koch... , and others |
| Dudley Dursley | (Ragtime Ragtime Ragtime is an original musical genre which enjoyed its peak popularity between 1897 and 1918. Its main characteristic trait is its syncopated, or "ragged," rhythm. It began as dance music in the red-light districts of American cities such as St. Louis and New Orleans years before being published... ) Roast-Beefy O'Weefy |
| Vernon Dursley | various names with a pig theme (e.g. Saltporker, Porkstar, Baconface, Gigglesnort) |
| Professor Quirrell | Professor Queer Queer Queer is an umbrella term for sexual minorities that are not heterosexual, heteronormative, or gender-binary. In the context of Western identity politics the term also acts as a label setting queer-identifying people apart from discourse, ideologies, and lifestyles that typify mainstream LGBT ... man |
| Mr Ollivander | Ed Vanders |
| Voldemort | Val-Mart Wal-Mart Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. , branded as Walmart since 2008 and Wal-Mart before then, is an American public multinational corporation that runs chains of large discount department stores and warehouse stores. The company is the world's 18th largest public corporation, according to the Forbes Global 2000... the Scar Maker / Scar Artist / Dracula Dracula Dracula is an 1897 novel by Irish author Bram Stoker.Famous for introducing the character of the vampire Count Dracula, the novel tells the story of Dracula's attempt to relocate from Transylvania to England, and the battle between Dracula and a small group of men and women led by Professor... |
| Ron Weasley Ron Weasley Ronald Bilius "Ron" Weasley is a fictional character and one of the three protagonists in the Harry Potter book series written by J. K. Rowling. His first appearance was in the first book of the series, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as the best friend of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger... |
Ronnie the Bear / Ronnie the Effing Bear / Ron Weasel / Ron The Mighty |
| Molly Weasley | Irish lady |
| Hermione Granger Hermione Granger Hermione Jean Granger is a fictional character and one of the three protagonists in J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. She initially appears in the first novel, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, as a new student on her way to Hogwarts... |
The Wretched Harmony / The Wretch |
| Neville Longbottom | Upfish Sinclair Upton Sinclair Upton Beall Sinclair Jr. , was an American author who wrote close to one hundred books in many genres. He achieved popularity in the first half of the twentieth century, acquiring particular fame for his classic muckraking novel, The Jungle . It exposed conditions in the U.S... |
| Marcus Flint | Joey Lumbermouth / Woodpile |
| Adrian Pucey | Ernie |
| Draco Malfoy Draco Malfoy Draco Malfoy is a fictional character and a major antagonist in J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. He is a Slytherin student in Harry Potter's year. He is frequently accompanied by his two accomplices, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, who act as henchmen... |
Mouthoil / Malfoil Foil (literature) In fiction, a foil is a character who contrasts with another character in order to highlight particular qualities of another character.... |
| Argus Filch | Dazzler Dazzler Dazzler is a Marvel Comics superheroine, associated with the X-Men. She first appeared in Uncanny X-Men #130 .... (Man-servant to Bloody-eyed Cat of Security/ the Cat's man whore) |
| Mrs. Norris | The Bloody-eyed Cat/Head of Security |
| Severus Snape Severus Snape Severus Snape is a fictional character in the Harry Potter book series written by J.K. Rowling. In the first novel of the series, he is hostile toward Harry and is built up to be the primary antagonist until the final chapters. As the series progresses, Snape's character becomes more layered and... |
Snake, Hideous Woman, Wicked Woman |
| Hedwig Hedwig Hedwig is a German female given name. The name originates from Old High German Hadwig, Haduwig . Hedy is an Anglicised diminutive of the name... |
Turkish Massage Owl |
| Madam Hooch | Catface Meowmers |
| Oliver Wood | Major Wood |
| Professor Flitwick | Professor Ugnaught (The Happy Pizza) |
| Nicolas Flamel | Nick Flannel Flannel Flannel is a soft woven fabric, of various fineness. Flannel was originally made from carded wool or worsted yarn, but is now often made from either wool, cotton, or synthetic fibre. Flannel may be brushed to create extra softness or remain unbrushed. The brushing process is a mechanical process... |
| Remembrall | Ball filled with mother's blood |
| Quidditch Quidditch Quidditch is a fictional sport developed by British author J. K. Rowling for the Harry Potter series of novels. It is described as an extremely rough, but very popular, semi-contact sport, played by wizards and witches around the world... |
Cribbage Cribbage Cribbage, or crib, is a card game traditionally for two players, but commonly played with three, four or more, that involves playing and grouping cards in combinations which gain points... |
| Diagon Alley | Calgon Calgon Calgon is a brand registered trademark of different corporations. The original product consisted of powdered sodium hexametaphosphate , which in water would complex with ambient calcium ion and certain other cations, preventing formation of unwanted salts and interference by those cations with the... Alley |
| Gringotts Bank | The Goblin Bank of Wobble-Columns |
| Hufflepuff | Hufferpuffer Asthma Asthma is the common chronic inflammatory disease of the airways characterized by variable and recurring symptoms, reversible airflow obstruction, and bronchospasm. Symptoms include wheezing, coughing, chest tightness, and shortness of breath... |
| Ravenclaw | Viacom Viacom Viacom Inc. , short for "Video & Audio Communications", is an American media conglomerate with interests primarily in, but not limited to, cinema and cable television... |
| House Cup | Stanley Cup Stanley Cup The Stanley Cup is an ice hockey club trophy, awarded annually to the National Hockey League playoffs champion after the conclusion of the Stanley Cup Finals. It has been referred to as The Cup, Lord Stanley's Cup, The Holy Grail, or facetiously as Lord Stanley's Mug... |
| Hospital Wing | The nurse's zone of awesome bedtime suckers Pierre Lewis Pierre Lewis , is a British singer-songwriter-Early life:Born Pierre Lewis in Berkshire, Lewis left military college Pangbourne College following his GCSE exams to spend time working on his music in London and Orlando Florida, recording his debut album release Mindset.-Music career:Lewis is... |
| Restricted Section | Adult books Pornographic magazine Pornographic magazines, sometimes known as adult magazines, sex magazines or top-shelf magazines are pornographic magazines that contain content of a sexual nature. Adult magazines are mainly aimed towards men, and in some parts of the world, many men's first sight of a naked woman has been in an... |
| Nimbus 2000 | Necro-B-Nimblo Alla Fassa Gosso |
| Quaffle | The "big ball" |
| Seeker | Sneaker Sneaker A sneaker may refer to:* Sneaker , in American English, is a casual athletic shoe.* Sneaker Phone, a phone that looks like a sneaker* Sneaker wave, type of ocean wave* Sneaker , a computer intruder or hacker... |
| Keeper | Goalie |
| Centaur Centaur In Greek mythology, a centaur or hippocentaur is a member of a composite race of creatures, part human and part horse... |
man-horse |
| Devil's Snare | Spaghetti Spaghetti Spaghetti is a long, thin, cylindrical pasta of Italian origin. Spaghetti is made of semolina or flour and water. Italian dried spaghetti is made from durum wheat semolina, but outside of Italy it may be made with other kinds of flour... |
| Gryffindor common room | Gryffindor parlor |
| Owl Owl Owls are a group of birds that belong to the order Strigiformes, constituting 200 bird of prey species. Most are solitary and nocturnal, with some exceptions . Owls hunt mostly small mammals, insects, and other birds, although a few species specialize in hunting fish... |
Post office Post office A post office is a facility forming part of a postal system for the posting, receipt, sorting, handling, transmission or delivery of mail.Post offices offer mail-related services such as post office boxes, postage and packaging supplies... bird |
| The Mirror of Erised | The Gate of Heaven |
| The Sorting Hat | Oogity-Boogity hat / grind-dancing hat |
| The Bloody Baron | The Count of Reeds |
| The Fat Friar | Little John Little John Little John was a legendary fellow outlaw of Robin Hood, and was said to be Robin's chief lieutenant and second-in-command of the Merry Men.-Folklore:He appears in the earliest recorded Robin Hood ballads and stories... |
| J. K. Rowling J. K. Rowling Joanne "Jo" Rowling, OBE , better known as J. K. Rowling, is the British author of the Harry Potter fantasy series... |
J.K. R-Dogs |
The CDs
This soundtrack is composed of two audio CDs, which were made available for free download in MP3 format. The CDs must be played simultaneously with a DVD of the first Harry Potter film, preferably the North AmericanNorth American
North American generally refers to an entity, people, group, or attribute of North America, especially of the United States and Canada together.-Culture:*North American English, a collective term used to describe American English and Canadian English...
DVD
DVD
A DVD is an optical disc storage media format, invented and developed by Philips, Sony, Toshiba, and Panasonic in 1995. DVDs offer higher storage capacity than Compact Discs while having the same dimensions....
, muted or at low volume.
Two versions of the CD set have been released, the first in summer 2004 and the second in early-mid 2005. As of February 2007, only the second version is available on the Illegal Art website, while the original is available at Brad Neely's website, Creased Comics. The two versions are very similar: differences include "fixing" the weaker lines from the first version, and a more "polished" and thoroughly-rehearsed performance by Brad.
The first version's CDs can be played completely continuously, and there is no need to alter the discs' timing or volume. In order to play the second version continuously, a delay of approximately three seconds must be inserted between the CDs, and the tracks' volume must be normalized, as the first disc is significantly quieter (approximately 7.7 decibels less) than the second.
Since the CDs are designed to synchronize with the North American release of the film, played at 24 frames per second, the PAL
PAL
PAL, short for Phase Alternating Line, is an analogue television colour encoding system used in broadcast television systems in many countries. Other common analogue television systems are NTSC and SECAM. This page primarily discusses the PAL colour encoding system...
video transfers of the film (used in most of the rest of the world) suffer from a technical incompatibility, meaning that they run at 25 frames per second, so the MP3 files must be sped up by 4.2% (or the movie slowed down) in order to retain synchronization. The Canadian release of the film also uses alternate takes to refer to the titular stone as the Philosopher's Stone (the original name) rather than the Americanized "Sorcerer's Stone" (even though the Canadian case does say Sorcerer's Stone), and as such, the audio may get slightly out of sync as the film progresses on the Canadian DVD.