Sourced

• Better than a play!
  • On the House of Lords' debate on Lord Ross's Divorce Bill (1610).
  • Quoted by Arthur Bryant, King Charles II

• He had been, he said, an unconscionable time dying; but he hoped that they would excuse it.
  • Quoted by Thomas Babington Macaulay, A History of England, 1849, vol.i, ch.4, p.437

• Let not poor Nelly starve.
  • On his deathbed, asking that his favourite mistress, Nell Gwynne, be looked after.
  • Quoted by Charles Burnet, History of My Own Time, vol.II, bk.iii, ch.17

Unsourced

• I'm definitely the best king in England at the moment.
  • After his commitment being questioned in the House of Commons

• Don't worry Jamie — they'll not kill me to make you King.
  • To his brother the Duke of York who expressed concern over his lax security.

• Now, nephew to your work! St George for England!
  • At the bedding ceremony of his nephew William of Orange and his niece the future Mary II.

• I have tried him drunk and I have tried him sober and there is nothing in him.
  • On the husband of niece Anne, Prince George of Denmark.

• Walk with me, hunt with my brother and do justice by my niece and you will not be fat.
  • To George of Denmark, who was worried about his weight.

• Whenever we hear something strange or remarkable, we must tell it to the marines, for with their great service on land and sea they will know whether or not 'tis true.

Quotations of others about Charles II

• We have a pretty witty king,
  Whose word no man relies on;
  He never said a foolish thing,
  Nor ever did a wise one.
  • John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester, as quoted in Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine Vol. XLIV (January - June 1857) p. 592; It is said to that this was written on the door of Charles II's bedchamber, and that on seeing it, the king replied, "This is very true: for my words are my own, and my actions are my ministers'...."

• If his Majesty is resolved to have my head, he may make a whistle of my arse if he pleases.
  • Algernon Sydney, on being told that part of his sentence had been remitted — that he would merely be executed, but his estate would remain intact, quoted in Joe Miller's Jests (1739), p. 6