The Osbournes

• Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!

• You haven't done anything, its your fucking daughter. I just got a call --when I'm in Tiffany-- from some woman telling me how I should prepare my vagina for my gynecologist appointment tomorrow. She booked me a fucking gynecologist appointment!

• Yeah, that's what I was wondering!! Who the fuck is Will Rogers?

• You don't go to someone's father, "I don't like the redness in your hair". It's fucking rude. I would never go to her father, "Oh, I don't like the baldness, maybe you should get a fucking tupee.

• You're not driving my car anymore Mum, I'm sorry.

• Mom, I have something to tell you. My thong, is so far up my crack right now.

• My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business.

• I don't really care what people think about my hair. It's my hair, so why should they care? Ooh, that rhymed.

• She's pissing in the bottle....just like she shit in Dad's bag of weed in Hawaii.

• Jack, you have like serious anger management issues.