The Addams Family Quotations

The Addams Family is a 1991 film, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, that features the bizarre characters of American cartoonist Charles Addams's comic strip and television show of the same name. A satirical inversion of the ideal of the perfect American nuclear family, the Addamses are a bizarre family who delight in everything grotesque and macabre, and are never really aware of why people find them frightening.

Morticia

[looking through Fester's suitcase] Crowbar...dynamite...cyanide. Fester- as if we'd run out.
And our credo, "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc"..."We gladly feast on those who would subdue us". Not just pretty words.
Wednesday, play with your food!
Thing, you're a handful.
Don't torture yourself, Gomez- that's my job.
Gomez, last night, you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. [pause] Do it again!
[looking through an armoire] Uncle Nick-Nack's winter wardrobe...Uncle Nick-Nack's summer wardrobe...Uncle Nick-Nack...
They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister! But don't worry, we told Wednesday, "College first."
[watching Pugsley sleep] He looks so sweet...just like a little entrée.

Gomez

(repeated line to Tully) Dirty pool, old man!
"How do you take it off?" That's absurd! That finger trap was a party favor at his 10th birthday!
We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled...we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo...we danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper. And now, Fester Addams- this Mamushka is for you.
That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!
They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And, with God as my witness, I am that fool!
2, 10, 11- eyes, fingers, toes!

Wednesday

[when asked about her Halloween costume] I'm a homicidal maniac- they look just like everyone else.

Other

Grandma: Dinner's gonna be late. [goes outside] Here, boy! Here, boy!
Fester: Three parts dynamite, with a nitroglycerin cap. It's perfect for small homes, carports and toolsheds.

Dialogue

Wednesday: [hooking up an electric chair] Pugsley, sit in the chair.

Pugsley: Why?

Wednesday: Because we're going to play a game.

Pugsley: What game?

Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"

Pugsley: Are they dead?

Wednesday: Does it matter?

Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?

Wednesday: Yes.

Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?

Pugsley: Yes.

Girl Scout: I'll tell you what- I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?

Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

Morticia: Children, what are you doing?

Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.

Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.

Wednesday: But, Mother!

Morticia: [firmly] I said no.

Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?

Morticia: [smiling indulgently] Oh, all right.

Wednesday: Please pass the salt.

Morticia: And what do we say?

Wednesday: NOW.

Gomez: How long has it been since we waltzed?

Morticia: Oh, Gomez...hours.

Dr. Pinderschloss: The human spirit, it is a very difficult thing to kill.

Grandma: Even with a chainsaw!

Dr. Pinderschloss: Love/hate, hate/love. Like for mama, no?

Gomez: But I didn't hate my mother- it was an accident!

[Morticia and Grandma examine a valuable heirloom Morticia is donating to charity]

Grandma: Let's keep it!

Morticia: Hush, mama! It's for charity! Widows and orphans. We need more of them.

Morticia: Margaret, about the séance tonight, I wish you'd come. It's Gomez, I'm terribly worried about him. He won't eat, he can't sleep, he keeps coughing up blood...

Margaret: He coughs up blood?

Morticia: Well, not like he used to.

Margaret: [regarding Cousin It] Everyone keeps asking where he got his costume.

Gomez: It is a wonderful hat.

Sally Jessy Raphael: So, you say your son was kidnapped by voodoo witch doctors? Let's take a call.

Gomez: Hello, Sally?

Sally Jessy Raphael: [frustrated] Mr. Addams, please, stop calling! We do not know where they meet!

Morticia: Gomez, let's go for a drive- the whole family.

Gomez: A drive? And miss Gilligan?

Uncle Fester: Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone before?

Wednesday: He's only a child.

Uncle Fester: That's no excuse! Aim for a major artery. The jugular.

[Gomez and Fester are watching home movies]

Gomez: Do you remember that fateful night?

Uncle Fester: [hedging] Um...your first cigar!

Gomez: What? Come on, old man, I've smoked since I was 5- Mother insisted.

Margaret: This is always so embarrassing. Why did I marry you?

Tully: Because I said yes.

Judge: [after a golf ball crashes through his window] Damn you, Addams!

Gomez: Sorry about the window, Judge. Keep the ball, I have a whole bucket full!

Judge: You moron!

Dr. Pinder-Schloss: [faking an over-the-top Germanic accent] Mr. Addams, I beleef I am understandink. I can help. Jais? Ze theory of displacement, is zis familiar?

Gomez: No. Tish?

Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Oh, it is too exciting! I vill explain.

Gomez: [eagerly] Is it unpleasant?

Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Deeply. Your very own bruzzer, you drive him avay. Go, off viz you! But zen, you are feelink ze little black monster.

Gomez: Pugsley?

Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Guilt! Jais! Your bruzzer returns, you feel guilty- you displace.

Gomez: [helping Morticia out of a finger-trap] Leather straps...red-hot pokers...

Morticia: Later, my dearest.

Cast

Anjelica Huston — Morticia Addams
Raúl Juliá — Gomez Addams
Christina Ricci — Wednesday Addams
Jimmy Workman — Pugsley Addams
Christopher Lloyd — Uncle Fester
Judith Malina — Grandma
Elizabeth Wilson — Dr. Greta Pinder-Schloss